Work Text:
Jinsol hated her job.
She absolutely despised it. Sure, Jinsol could just quit and move on with her life, or find something better suited for her, or just completely devote herself to her studies. But the harsh reality is that Jinsol really doesn’t have much of choice. It wasn't like she lived with her parents anymore, and it’s not like she had any money saved, nor did her parents support her financially anymore. Jinsol had to work. There was no way around that.
One might wonder why Jinsol couldn't just find another job. Put it simply, nobody else was willing to hire her. Strict policies against age and appearance immediately ruled Jinsol out from most jobs. She wasn’t stupid, Jinsol was aware that if she were to dye her hair back to her natural hair colour, she’d be able to find another job more easily, but she didn’t want to. She felt as if her excessively bleached hair was the only thing that sets her apart from the rest, the only thing that made her memorable in somebody’s mind, and the only thing that made her feel somewhat beautiful.
Besides, as weird as it was, Jinsol liked complaining about her job.
So there she sat, on a worn out bench on a bus stop that was too deserted for her liking, with nothing but the sounds of distant traffic and buzzing mosquitoes filling her ears. Jinsol liked to claim that she hated this bus stop; exactly why was it so far away from the centre of the neighbourhood? Exactly why was her bus exactly seven minutes and twenty-three seconds late each time? Why was the only other person ever at her bus stop some drunk student in his third year? But in reality, and in the grand scheme of things, Jinsol supposed it wasn’t too bad.
She could look up at the stars and collect her thoughts for a minute, and organise her thoughts for the day ahead. She had time to reflect on the lectures that she had earlier in the day, and she had time to plan what she was going to cook for dinner later that evening. It was those fifteen little minutes she had at the bus stop each night that offered her a sense of tranquility and peacefulness. It was in those fifteen minutes that the world had stopped just for a little while, just for her, and let Jinsol play catch up with everybody else. Sometimes, if she was lucky, a gust of wind would pick up from the east and rush upwards from the bottom of the hill, causing some of her blonde strands to fly in front of her face. It was in those moments that she’d laugh for a little while, a sound that resembled tiny bells, and she’d forget everything that was troubling her in those few seconds.
So, as much as she liked to complain about her work and the bus stop, she couldn’t bring herself to completely despise it. Not now. And not ever.
-
“That’ll be eight-thousand won,” Jinsol smiled at the customer, placing a perfectly wrapped sandwich on the counter as she finished her calculations, “cash or card?”
“Hold on,” the customer laughed and Jinsol perked up. If Jinsol were to be completely honest, for the past three hours she’d been doing her job passively, saying the same phrases and smiling the same way almost as if she were a robot. Well, she did seem like a robot in a sense. Jinsol thought all the customers acted the same, using the same phrases and formalities towards her, slowly lulling Jinsol into a robotic pattern that caused her to work mindlessly. But this laugh, short and sharp, brought her back to reality.
“Is there a problem?” Jinsol questioned, unable to hide the sheer panic that had spread across her face -- raised eyebrows and wide eyes -- as she took notice of the small line behind the customer. If her manager were to walk out right now, Jinsol was sure she’d never hear the end of the manager’s chastising to which Jinsol’s only defense would be, “Well it’s not my fault I’m the only one working at the register!” By default, Jinsol would always lose the argument.
“Yeah,” the customer nodded sharply, turning around briefly to notice the line forming behind her before returning her attention back to Jinsol, “there is.”
“Okay,” Jinsol sighed, making eye contact with the customer, “what is it?”
It was at this point that Jinsol took notice of the customer in front of her, really took notice, and it was at that point that Jinsol became more aware of how she looked right now. Jinsol smiled meekly as she quickly brought up her hands to her head, tucking in the loose strands that unraveled from her ponytail behind her ears. Instinctively, she brushed down her apron and shirt.
Why was Jinsol all of a sudden caring for her appearance? In the middle of a possible dispute with a customer? She’d be lying if she said she didn’t find the customer...well, to put it bluntly, quite attractive.
Tall, slim, olive skin -- it was hard for Jinsol to not lose herself for a moment. Her eyes traveled upwards (for she was taller than her) and took notice of how obnoxiously long and dark her hair was, and something about that made Jinsol’s heart leap with anticipation. The girl’s chin was pointed, her jawline sharp, and Jinsol felt her cheeks flame every-so-slightly. Plump red lips, coated with a strawberry-scented gloss, and a high-bridged nose that Jinsol found herself envying. Jinsol’s curious gaze had finally returned to meet the cold, narrow stare of the customer, and Jinsol would be lying if she said that she didn’t feel tiny under her piercing gaze. Her eyes were dark brown, and her eyelashes long and Jinsol could not believe that a girl as beautiful as she had found itself in front of her.
“Don’t you think eight thousand won is a bit too much for a sandwich in a crappy establishment like this?” The customer pointed out, gesturing with her hands to the backdrop behind her. What was wrong with it? The tables were clean and tidy, constantly wiped down, the floor mopped to a pristine standard. Jinsol didn’t think the establishment was crappy, far from it actually (Jinsol would like to take the time to say that she was not paid to say this, it is her honest opinion).
Jinsol laughed awkwardly.
The customer did nothing but raise an eyebrow.
“Um,” Jinsol began awkwardly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, “I think eight thousand won is a reasonable price for a sandwich? I mean, we do prepare all the vegetables and fillings ourselves, and we cook the meat just before we serve the sandwich...The food is also made on the spot too.”
The customer scoffed, almost as if she didn’t understand Jinsol’s point of view (Newsflash: she didn’t), “Still,” she began, “eight thousand won? For a sandwich in a fast food establishment? Don’t you think that’s a bit ridiculous?”
“Why would it be ridiculous?”
“Because fast food chains are known for being cheap. I can buy a sandwich just like this at a cafe for literally the same price.”
“Then why don’t you?” Jinsol seethed. She was becoming aggravated. Jinsol knew her cheeks were flushed, and she was aware of the small beads of sweat that was forming across her hairline, and she knew how tight her fists were clenched (she could feel her nails dig into the palm of her hand) and the only thing that Jinsol could think was: God, what an asshole.
The customer cocked her head to the side at Jinsol’s outburst, almost as if she was expecting a different answer. “Very well then,” the customer nodded and turned around, but not before placing a crisp, green, ten thousand won note on the counter.
Jinsol didn’t even bother stopping her to give her two-thousand won change.
-
Just like yesterday, and all the nights before, Jinsol was at the bus stop. She let her legs swing carelessly above the ground, as her hands gripped the edge of the bench. It was a clear night, a juxtaposition to Jinsol’s current thoughts, which were cloudy. Ever since Jinsol had finished her shift, all that’d been playing in her mind were images of the tall girl that made Jinsol’s blood boil with rage, and rightfully so.
No matter how attractive Jinsol thought the girl was, her horrible personality was enough to make Jinsol lose any sort of attraction she felt towards the girl (or so she thought).
“The sandwich wasn’t too bad.”
Jinsol snapped her head towards the sound, her heart immediately beginning to beat rapidly against her chest. She let her feet find themselves on the ground in an attempt to stabilise herself. To the right of her was the same girl that Jinsol could not stop thinking about, and not in a good way. Jinsol had to blink a few times to make sure she hadn’t just begun imagining things.
“What are you doing here?” Jinsol questioned.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m waiting for the bus.”
Jinsol averted her attention away from the girl and onto the deserted road, choosing to focus on a lamp post across the street. The girl next to her did the same.
“The sandwich was good.” The girl repeated.
“I know,” Jinsol replied.
And both girls just sat there in silence, not saying a word to each other, but at the same time, finding comfort in the fact that for the first time in a long time they weren’t alone. That, of course, they did not realise until later.
-
Jinsol did not expect for the girl to be there again the next night, so she did what any other normal person would in a situation like that -- ignore her. And just like that, Jinsol continued reflecting on the day she had and her plans for tomorrow, while at the same time trying very hard to not let the girl’s perfume to distract her thoughts.
“A hi would’ve been nice.” The girl said.
“I don’t even know your name.”
“Sooyoung.”
Jinsol nodded, not bothering to spare her a glance. Jinsol continued to organise her thoughts, and let the silent chirping of the crickets hiding in the bay of the nearby creek drown out the bustling noise of the city from over the hill.
“Do you always stare at the same thing when you sit here? At that stupid lamp post? Aren’t there any other things to look at around here? For example, me?” Sooyoung said lightly, no doubt to try and make conversation.
As Jinsol would later find out, Sooyoung was the type of person who couldn’t stand being alone with their thoughts. It wasn’t particularly serious, it was just Sooyoung didn’t like the idea of being alone when she could...well...not be alone. And that was a problem, clearly, because Jinsol needed to be alone with her thoughts sometimes. And at the moment, she doesn’t really appreciate how Sooyoung, a girl she barely knew, was ruining it for her.
“I see you don’t like to talk,” Sooyoung mumbled in response, bringing her hand to the back of her neck to scratch it awkwardly, “that’s fine. I’ll do the talking for the both of us.”
Jinsol wanted to protest. She wanted to yell at her and tell her to ‘go to hell’ (to put it lightly) but she couldn’t find the energy to open her mouth to say the words.
“Maybe you don’t like to talk, or maybe you kinda hate me for how I treated you a few days ago. That’s totally fine by the way, I’m not trying to guilt trip you into apologising or whatever. I admit that I was kind of a, hm,” she paused for a moment, trying to think of the right word to say, “a bitch,” she continued, “yeah, a bitch. But, at the same time, I stand by what I said. For a fast food establishment, your sandwich is too pricey. I don’t have that sorta money lying around for me to spend on a sandwich of all things. But yeah, I guess I could’ve put it more nicely.”
No response.
Sooyoung didn’t take it to heart.
“I have a job too. It’s at a PC Bang, like, umm, just a street away from your workplace. It has its perks I guess, I mean, I get to use the computer for free. But it also has its downsides, like, my boss is a complete jackass. He’s always trying to make moves on me and I feel totally powerless because I can’t just say ‘no’, you know? I don’t want to get fired. I can’t get fired. My friend, Haseul, you don’t know her, she got me that job after begging the boss for days. I can’t let her down. And plus, the pay is good. And I only ever see him on Mondays. That’s why I hate Mondays. Are you a uni student, by the way? You look like one.”
Still no reply.
Sooyoung smiled, even though she knew Jinsol wouldn’t see it, “I guess my bus is here.” She said abruptly, standing up and brushing the imaginary dust off her jeans, “it was nice talking to you, even if I was the only one talking.”
And for the first time in those ten minutes that they were together, Jinsol decided to focus on something other than the lamp post across the street.
-
Jinsol watched absent-mindedly out the window, unphased by the droplets of rain that were preventing Jinsol’s clear view of the campus. Her pen rested lazily against her index finger, and if it weren’t for the thumb wrapped around the bottom of the pen, Jinsol was sure it would have fallen out of her hand by now.
The sudden sound of a student sneezing brought Jinsol back to her senses, and slowly she averted her eyes from the window and back to the professor who was giving a lecture in the front of the class. For a few seconds, Jinsol took the time to blink, letting her contacts re-adjust themselves before she began taking down the notes from the board.
“What were you thinking about?” Jinsol’s classmate, Jungeun, leaned in. She made sure to talk in a quiet voice, careful to not catch the unwanted attention of the professor.
“Nothing important,” Jinsol responded, not taking her eyes off the board in front of her.
“Bullshit,” her friend commented, “you should’ve seen your face just then. It was totally,” Jungeun paused for a minute to mimic Jinsol’s zoned out expression, “you were really deep in thought, huh? So tell me,” she probed, “who were you thinking about?”
Jinsol turned to face Jungeun, noticing the small hint of a smirk playing on her lips, “What makes you think it’s a person?” Jinsol questioned defensively.
“From the way you just reacted. So tell me, who is it?”
“Literally no one.”
“Come on Jinsol!” Jungeun whined, “tell me! Who am I gonna tell?”
“You don’t know them.”
“Oh,” Jungeun nodded knowingly, “so now it IS a someone, huh? What game are you playing at Jinsol?”
“Nothing, Jungeun!” Jinsol whispered harshly, only further amusing her friend, “Just drop it, already! Let’s talk about this after.”
-
Jinsol wasn’t sure why she was thinking of Sooyoung so much, and she wasn’t particularly fond of it either. She hated how she’d be focused one minute on her assignment, and the next minute she’s thinking of nothing but Sooyoung and her stupid voice. She didn't even know the girl like that...They’ve barely talked to each other. So why, why can’t she get Sooyoung off her mind?
“Oh! You’re here again.”
Jinsol nodded in response.
“Nice. I wanted to talk to you again if you don’t mind. You don’t have to say anything back. I just need to get a lot of things off my chest.”
Jinsol didn’t really care.
“Actually, nevermind.”
Jinsol still didn’t really care.
“It was good talking to you.”
-
Sooyoung stepped closer, backing Jinsol into the wall. Jinsol couldn’t take her eyes off the girl in front of her, there in all her beauty, and she watched with deer-like eyes as the other girl's eyes traced every inch of her face.
“You’re really beautiful, do you know that?” Sooyoung whispered, cupping Jinsol’s cheek with her hand. Jinsol didn’t try and fight the red blush that spread across her cheeks and blossomed down her neck. “You’re the most beautiful girl on this planet.”
“Shut up,” Jinsol responded weakly, her voice quiet but her heart loud.
“Close your eyes,” Sooyoung ordered, and Jinsol frowned.
“Why?” She asked.
“Just because.”
“I don’t want to close my eyes.”
“I’ll be too embarrassed to do this if you don’t close your eyes.”
“Do what?”
“Do this...” Sooyoung murmured, as she slowly leaned in towards Jinsol. Jinsol could feel Sooyoung’s hot breath against her own lips as she muttered her last words...
“Jinsol!”
Sooyoung’s face only inches from hers...
“Jinsol!”
Jinsol slowly closed her eyes...
“Jinsol!”
“What! What! What is it?” Jinsol exclaimed, lifting her head immediately from her arms and looking around in panic.
“Pay attention! We need to get this project done, it’s worth half our grade and we haven’t even started!” Jungeun lectured, sliding the laptop in front of Jinsol.
“Right,” Jinsol coughed awkwardly, “don’t know what came over me.”
-
“Do you want to grab dinner together?”
Jinsol stared blankly at Sooyoung in response.
Sooyoung laughed awkwardly, scratching the skin behind her neck, “So...is that a no or…?”
Both girls sat awkwardly at the bench, staring at each other in silence, enveloped by the darkness of the night. The streetlamp that Jinsol used to stare at had started to flicker, the light bulb constantly flickering on and off, on and off, on and off. For a moment, the bustling traffic of Seoul had quietened down, and all they could hear was the faint sound of buzzing electricity and their shallow breaths. Time, for Jinsol, had essentially frozen.
“What?” Jinsol choked out, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Nevermind then,” Sooyoung nodded, looking away from Jinsol, “forget what I said.”
“No wait,” Jinsol exclaimed, placing a hand on Sooyoung’s shoulder to catch her attention again, “Where would we go? I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but I don’t live around here...I don’t know any places.”
Sooyoung cocked her head slightly, more out of amusement than anything. Jinsol noticed how often Sooyoung’s eyes sparkled under the moonlight, and she’d often find herself following the gleam of the light in her eyes. “I know a good place,” Sooyoung replied, “it’s near my workplace actually. Chicken and beer sound good? It’s all I can afford so it has to be.”
Jinsol laughed, “Yeah, it sounds good.”
-
Both girls watched the chicken cook on the grill in front of them, and it took Jinsol’s all of self-control to not reach out and steal a piece.
“It smells so good, huh?” Sooyoung commented, “I haven’t gone out in ages. Thank you.”
“Hm?” Jinsol hummed, her attention captivated by the flame that had spurred for a moment in front of them, “I think you can flip the chicken now, Sooyoung.” Jinsol looked up, “And why are you thanking me? I didn’t do anything.”
Sooyoung smiled, “For agreeing to eat dinner with me. You could’ve said no, you know?”
“I didn’t realise I had a choice.”
“O-ho!” Sooyoung laughed. Jinsol watched how Sooyoung’s hair moved across her shoulders as her body shook with her laugh, and for a moment (just a moment) she let her eyes linger on her collarbones. “So are you joking with me now?” Sooyoung leaned towards her, resting her elbows on the table, her metal chopsticks dangling recklessly from her fingers, “Are we close now?”
Jinsol instinctively moved forwards as well, resting her chin on her hand, “Close?” She hummed, “I don’t think so.”
“Well, I think so.”
They were only mere inches from each other’s face at this point, and neither girl made a move to pull back. Jinsol stared into Sooyoung’s eyes. Sooyoung stared into Jinsol’s eyes. Both girls eventually stared at each other’s lips, both scared to do what they were thinking.
“Wanna drink?” Jinsol asked suddenly.
“Depends...How good are you at drinking? I don’t drink with light-weights.”
“Shut up Sooyoung. Cheers.”
-
Jinsol’s head was pounding. She’d been trying to fall asleep for the past few hours, but the only thing she successfully managed to do was kick her blanket off her body and onto the floor. Jinsol sighed in exasperation, throwing her forearm across her face to cover her eyes. She could feel her face burning up. Jinsol knew she couldn’t handle alcohol. She knew that very well. So why in the world did she ask Sooyoung to drink?
I know why, the small voice in Jinsol’s head called, You wanted an excuse to talk to Sooyoung more comfortably. You’d think you’d get closer to Sooyoung if both of you were drunk. If both of you had your walls down. But what happened instead?...
Jinsol screamed in annoyance, kicked her legs up in the air to fight the embarrassment that had over-casted her like a cloud.
“You’re so stupid!” Jinsol screamed into the darkness, “You’re so stupid!”
-
“Sooyoung…” Jinsol called out her name. Slowly. Purposefully. Hopefully.
“Yes, Jinsol?” Sooyoung responded before biting down on a piece of chicken.
“I think…”
“You think…?”
Jinsol shook her head to fight off the doziness, “I think…”
“Are you drunk already?” Sooyoung laughed. Happily. Loudly. Heartily. “You’ve only had two glasses. You haven’t even finished a bottle! Oh Jinsol...How do we get you home?”
Jinsol perked up, her doziness suddenly non-existent, “Home? Do you wanna take me?”
“Woah…” Sooyoung laughed again, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she leaned forward to take another piece of chicken off the grill, “You sure are bold when you’re drunk. It’s cute.”
“Cute? Me?” Jinsol pointed at herself with her index finger.
“Who else?”
“Mmmm…”
“I wonder what you’re thinking about right now,” Sooyoung said softly, “I want to know what you’re thinking of me right this moment. I want to know what you think of me in general. I want to --”
“I think you’re beautiful.” Jinsol responded sincerely, slamming another glass onto the table, “I think you’re really beautiful, Sooyoung.” And for the first time, and certainly not the last, Jinsol saw the bloom of red that painted Sooyoung’s face and her neck. Jinsol smiled proudly, “O-ho...Are you blushing? Because of what I said?” Jinsol said proudly, bobbing her head slightly.
“Shut up, Jinsol.” Sooyoung snapped, placing her cold hands on her cheeks in an effort to cool them down, “Stop drinking. You’ve had enough.” She continued to reprimand, taking the glass and bottle of alcohol away from Jinsol, “I don’t want you to say something that you might regret --”
“I think I like you.”
-
Jinsol sat at the bench of the bus stop, watching her legs as they swung above the ground carelessly. Jinsol sighed, running a hand through her hair before she leant back, resting her head against some advertisement board that was behind her. She could feel the light humming of electricity behind her head. Her eyes travelled upwards, staring mindlessly at the stars.
She wished she could talk to someone right now.
She wished Sooyoung was here right now.
-
“Hey.”
Jinsol turned around, her eyes widening in surprise when she noticed the familiar brown-haired girl sitting beside her. “Hey,” Jinsol greeted, “Where were you yesterday?”
Sooyoung turned to face her, giving her a half-smile, “I had some things to think over.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know how much I can reveal to you without embarrassing myself.”
“I see…” Jinsol nodded in false-understanding.
Both girls could sense the awkwardness in the air, and both girls did nothing to fight it. So, they sat there, drowning in the awkward silence that felt heavy on their shoulders and made it difficult for them to breathe. Jinsol wasn’t stupid, she knew what Sooyoung might have spent some time thinking about, even if she didn’t tell her, and Jinsol knew she couldn’t get angry at her for reacting this way.
“Hey,” Sooyoung began, “I hope you don’t think that I hate you or anything. I really like you, it’s just…”
Jinsol didn’t respond, too afraid that she’d make another mistake if she opened her mouth.
“It’s just...what if what we feel for each other isn’t real? What if it’s a short period of infatuation or something? We only ever see each other for ten minutes each day, how can two people fall in love just like that? I know very little about you, Jinsol, but at the same time I feel like I know a lot about you. Does that even make sense?”
Jinsol looked down at her feet.
“I’ve been in relationships before, and they obviously,” Sooyoung paused to let out a dry laugh, “they haven’t ended well. I’m always taking precautions and calculating my moves, and it always ends up with me being hurt in the end. Like, me being hurt is inevitable.”
Jinsol wanted to console her, to tell her that her accidental, drunken, confession wasn’t meant to pressure her to reciprocate her feelings. Jinsol briefly contemplated telling her that it was a joke, or acting like she didn’t remember anything from that night...But for some reason, she couldn’t force herself to do that, because maybe, a part of her didn’t want to pretend that it didn’t happen.
“So, when you confessed to me...I had a lot to think about...Because, it was so sudden, you know? No one has ever just told me they liked me to my face like that, it was always through friends, or...through Kakao Talk. So when you did that...You kind of sent me into panic. And when I went home that night I couldn’t stop thinking about it...I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Jinsol. You’re reckless, carefree and at the same time...extremely thoughtful. You throw yourself headfirst into things and you rarely think twice...And that’s when I realised...Maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong all this time.”
Jinsol opened her mouth to speak, but she quickly decided against it.
“I think what I need...is someone like you. Maybe I need to throw myself at something, or into something. Maybe for once I shouldn’t contemplate when it comes to love. Maybe I should just let it happen and take a chance.”
Jinsol’s heart beat faster. Her hand reached up to her chest, her hands gripping tightly against the fabric of her sweater.
“So, Jinsol, what I’m trying to say is...I like you too. And I don’t want to think about what might happen in the future, or if what we feel for each other is genuine and not an infatuation of some sort...I like you now. In this moment. And I want to see how far we go without thinking about the end. So Jinsol, what do you think…?”
Jinsol took a deep breath, a million thoughts racing through her mind, making it difficult for her to find the right words.
One thing Jinsoul knew for sure though, was that she didn't hate the bus stop as much as she thought she did anymore.