Archive of Our Own ^beta

Current mood:	tired
Current music:	Vienna Teng - Stray Italian Greyhound
Entry tags:	cm fics: season five series, my cm fics: non-collaborative, my fics: criminal minds, pairing: hotch/reid, pairing: rossi/prentiss

FIC: Weeping Endures for a Night, Reid/Hotch & Rossi/Prentiss, PG
Title: Weeping Endures for a Night
Pairing: Hotch/Reid, hint of Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG
WC: ~1700
Summary: Spencer waits. A coda to "Faceless, Nameless"
Notes: Betaed by resolucidity. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5 PREMIERE! This is a companion piece to Not So Alone, which also has spoilers for the season 5 premiere.

Spencer had heard people say how peaceful it was to watch someone sleep, but Aaron didn't look peaceful. He looked exhausted. He looked--and Spencer hated to admit it--vulnerable. It wasn't an easy thing to think about one's boss, especially someone who usually was strong enough to take on the world and win. But looking at Aaron's face as he slept the sleep of the drugged, Spencer wanted nothing more than to protect him.

He didn't blame Dave for the questions he'd asked about Spencer's condition. There had been a long moment when he'd been tempted by the offer of narcotic painkillers. But as the nurse had prepared a shot of morphine, Spencer had managed to gasp out a refusal, had managed to insist on non-narcotics only. He could have justified it to himself, but he would have regretted it in the long run.

Spencer shifted and held in a whimper of pain. It was worth it, in the long run. Dave trusted him, trusted him with Aaron, and that meant everything.

JJ had told Spencer, when they talked on the phone, that Aaron was taking the threat against Haley and Jack very hard. Spencer hadn't been able to talk to him, of course, but he hoped it was just Aaron's usual guilt being magnified, rather than a sudden realization that he was still in love with Haley.

For the past year, they had been growing closer, as Aaron opened up to Spencer about his divorce and the last failing years of his marriage. He had told Spencer how they'd disagreed about having children, and how Haley had insisted and Aaron had finally given in to save his marriage. He'd told Spencer that, despite the marriage falling apart, Aaron wouldn't trade Jack for the world. And he'd said that, though he still cared for Haley, he no longer wished to have his marriage back.

The words had given Spencer hope after years of silently loving his superior. Not that he had ever wanted Aaron to leave his wife and family for Spencer. He'd resigned himself to loving Aaron without ever having it returned, and had tried to content himself with working for Aaron, with being near Aaron. But once the divorce was unavoidable, Spencer had begun to dream that maybe someday, when Aaron was healed from that loss, maybe there would be room for Spencer in his life.

And their growing friendship had begun to seem like perhaps it could be more. There had been glances that lingered longer than they should have...touches when no touch was really necessary. It had been nothing overt, nothing that would have been considered inappropriate. But it was just enough to make Spencer's heart jump in his chest when Aaron said he was no longer in love with his ex-wife.

With a sigh, Spencer slumped back in the uncomfortable chair Dave had relinquished to him, and closed his eyes. No matter how much it hurt, he would be here when Aaron woke.

***

The room was dark and everything hurt. Aaron gasped fully awake, his heart racing. Foyet! But then he heard a rapid, high-pitched beeping and realized there was something clamped on his finger. He slumped back, gasping for breath and ignoring how that made everything hurt worse. He was in the hospital. Foyet had dumped him at the emergency room. He'd been stabbed nine times. Nine wounds that felt like they had pierced his soul as well as his body.

Then he heard a grunt of pain and someone's hand settled over his own, thin, cold fingers brushing against his.

"Hotch?"

A rush of warmth went through Aaron, but he pushed it down. Spencer shouldn't be here; Dave had told Aaron he was hurt. Not to mention Aaron's ex-wife and son were out there somewhere being guarded by Federal Marshals to keep them safe from a serial killer with a grudge against Aaron. Not only had he failed to keep his marriage vows and destroyed his family, but now he was still making Haley miserable and sending Jack away.

He swallowed thickly against the despair rising in his throat, but he didn't speak.

Spencer's fingers tightened around him. "Hotch? Please tell me if you need something."

Aaron sighed and forced out a single word. "Water."

He shouldn't feel pleased that Spencer was here. He shouldn't allow himself to hope that perhaps his helplessness, his utter lack of power in the face of Foyet's cunning, hadn't destroyed Spencer's respect for him. He shouldn't embrace this slight lessening of the weight on his chest, just because Spencer was here.

Spencer's fingers were cool against his jaw as he held a straw to Aaron's lips. "Drink slowly," he said, his voice quiet.

Aaron sipped a few times, then let out a shuddery breath. "Dave said you were hurt." It was easier to focus on Spencer than talk about himself. He knew he shouldn't take the easy route, but he hurt so much. He was so tired. And he'd already been proven weak, so why struggle to be strong any more?

"Gun shot. It was a through-and-through. Nothing too awful." Spencer's voice was wry. "At least I was only shot once."

Nine times. Aaron closed his eyes. He could still feel each slow, sensuous stab. His body had never gone numb as promised. He remembered Foyet's words about stabbing as a substitution for rape. Aaron didn't think it mattered. Not to the victim. He felt as violated and weak and ashamed as he would if he had been raped. Foyet could have raped him, if he'd wanted. Aaron suspected that only Foyet's opinion that it was crude and unnecessary, in the wake of his words, had protected him from an actual sexual assault.

"Aaron?" Spencer's voice had grown more urgent, and Aaron realized his breathing had turned panicked again, the heart monitor beeping frantically.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to open his eyes. "I'm okay," he mumbled. It was a lie. It would be a lie until Foyet was dead and Jack was safe. But he was in no acute physical distress. That would have to do.

***

"When I was in that shack," Spencer began, "with Tobias Hankel, I thought I was going to die. I thought Rafael would kill me. Or Charles."

Aaron didn't want to look at him. The words sounded painful. But he wanted Spencer to know he was listening. He turned his head eventually and let his gaze trace the line of Spencer's jaw.

"And then I did die." Spencer's voice thinned, but if anything it strengthened. "And I didn't have anything else to be afraid of. When I woke up, I had the most godawful taste in my mouth."

People who were resuscitated often threw up. Aaron knew this both from training and from experience as a first responder. He cleared his throat. Spencer probably knew it as well as he did. "I wasn't afraid of Foyet," he said, his voice rusty-sounding.

And he hadn't been. He had felt no fear of what Foyet would do to him. He didn't fear death or pain. He hadn't feared Foyet even after the first injuries. He remembered trying to tell Foyet that his team would catch Foyet. He remembered promising to kill Foyet. He had thought at the time that Foyet would kill him. He almost wished Foyet had killed him, rather than exposing Aaron as weak and helpless against him. Unable to protect my son. Still posing a threat to my ex-wife. Weak. Powerless.

"Aaron." Spencer's voice was level. "Talk to me. Please."

"I wasn't afraid," Aaron said. He closed his eyes. "I told him the team would catch him." He drew in a long breath. His heart was pounding again. Jack. Oh, God, Jack. "It wasn't until I found out about Jack..." His voice cracked and he stopped talking.

Spencer's fingers curled tightly around Aaron's. "Jack is safe. We'll stop Foyet. For good. We will."

Aaron sighed and clutched Spencer's hand, wishing he could believe that.

***

Spencer didn't feel like the night would ever end. Aaron kept drifting off, then waking from nightmares. Spencer knew how that went; he'd done it himself after Georgia. But it hurt to watch Aaron and be unable to assuage his pain.

After the third time Aaron woke badly, Spencer just kept hold of his hand, hoping he would take comfort from the physical reminder that someone was with him. It seemed to help a little; at least Aaron's sleep was more peaceful for a while. He thought about Emily, hating that she had been the one to find Aaron's apartment but grateful that she'd been so worried about him. He knew Dave would have gone to her after leaving here. They thought they were hiding their relationship, but there was a team pool on when a diamond turned up on Emily's left hand. Hotch's tacit approval had encouraged Spencer's own hopes.

He drank a lot of Aaron's water himself. His wound was throbbing fiercely, but he felt it was completely worth every bit of pain just to be here for Aaron. Spencer had to get up once to fumble his way into the bathroom. When he came back, he caught a glimpse of dawn light outside the window.

He stared at the pink-tinged glow, then sighed. Dawn was supposed to bring hope with it. He just felt exhausted and helpless. He rubbed a hand over his face, then crutched his way back to the chair by Aaron's bed.

As he lowered himself clumsily, he saw that Aaron's eyes were open. He was watching Spencer, a sleepy expression on his face.

"M'glad you're here," Aaron mumbled. He didn't look like he was glad about anything, but it was good to hear those words anyway. Aaron closed his eyes slowly, then opened them again. "Spencer." His words were sleep-blurred, but after a moment he reached out and took Spencer's hand.

It wasn't much, but it was the first time he'd reached out. Spencer curled his fingers carefully around Aaron's and smiled at him.

"I'm glad too," he murmured.

Maybe it wasn't much, but it was enough for now.