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Kiryu lit his cigarette, slowly walking down Senryo Avenue, thinking about his life and how mediocre it currently was.
Hmm… Maybe I’ll go to a hostess club tonight, he thought to himself. He looked in his inventory and gasped when he realized something very important was missing.
He ran to the nearest entrance to the rooftop and ran up the stairs, panting as he made it to Kamiyama’s shop.
“Kiryu? Wh-what’s up?” Kamiyama asked shyly, blushing when he saw how sexy Kiryu looked all sweaty and stuff.
“Kamiyama,” Kiryu panted out. “I need some stuff.”
Kamiyama frowned. “B-but… You still owe me bareback from l-last time…”
Kiryu rolled his eyes. “No time for dat, Kamiyama. I need my fix. Now.”
“F-Fine,” Kamiyama said, opening up his secret closet, filled with lewd anime figurines and different kinds of illegal substances. “Whatchu want, chief?”
Kiryu took a moment to look over all his options. “Uhh… So, here’s the thing. Haruka found the piss drawer.”
“The piss drawer?!”
Kiryu nodded. “The piss drawer, alright.”
“On God, Kiryu? On Shinji?!”
Kiryu sucked air through his teeth. “On Nishiki, bro.”
The two let out an ‘oooh’ sound. “Anyways, so you got any…” Kiryu lowered his voice. “ ...gamer girl pee?”
Kamiyama sighed. “S-Sorry, Kiryu. Some guy bought the last bottle.”
“What the fuck?!” Kiryu went into HEAT mode. “Who?!”
Kamiyama gulped. “Well…”
Kiryu angrily stomped down the street and people around him stared at him, kinda scared. He stompety stomp stomped his big ass dragon feet to Sky Finance.
He bussed the door RIGHT open and saw that fatass bitch Akiyama snoring on the floor because he’s so gotdam THICC he can’t even fit on the couch no more.
“Where the FUCK my gamer girl piss at!” Kiryu yelled, waking Akiyama up as Akiyama was like “Woah!” and deflated himself, bouncing around the room like a balloon deflating.
Akiyama groaned. “Ah, Kiryu-san. What’s going on?”
Kiryu was in full HEAT mode, picking Akiyama up by the collar. “Where’s the piss?” He asked in a menacing tone.
Akiyama’s feet were off the ground because he’s a manlet. “Please put me down…”
Kiryu put him back down on the floor. “I need my gamer girl piss and Kamiyama said he sold it to a friend of mine,” he said. “If I don’t get my gamer girl piss imma SNAP.”
“Ah,” Akiyama said, reaching for a pack of cigs. “Well, I didn’t buy any piss, I prefer mine straight from the source, you know?”
“Oh, okay, Akiyama. I’m bout to head out,” Kiryu said as he walked to the exit and opened the door like how they do it in GTA san andreas.
Kiryu stompedy stomp stomped down the stairs and went to Saejima’s sewer.
He splashed around in the sewage water for a bit. Wee!
He went to one of the trash piles and Saejima was there making out with his twink boyfriend Baba.
“Yo Saejima you got any gamer girl pee?”
Saejima stopped kissing Baba to look at Kiryu. “Ya think I want some broad’s piss?” He pointed to Baba. “His piss be the only one I’m drinkin.’ Arr.”
“Roger that,” Kiryu said. “Arigato gosaimas,” he said. “How’s Baba’s pee taste doe?”
“It kinda fresh, it kinda fresh, not gon lie.”
Kiryu nodded. “Oh, Okay, Saejima and Baba, I’m bout to head out.” And he left the sewer but not before going for another swim!
“Bro… What’s a guy gotta do to get some gamer girl pee around here,” Kiryu sobbed, looking at a picture of a glass full of fresh titty streamer pee. It made him sob even more.
The bartender looked at him apologetically. “Sorry, fam… We don’t serve piss here…”
Kiryu blinked and then stormed out. “These motherfuckers got no taste.” He stomped down the street and decided that maybe Kage the Florist would be able to find him somewhere to get some great gamer girl pee.
He headed to Purgatory and wondered if there was a pee vendor or something around. “Woah!” He bumped into someone.
“Oh, my bad…”
“What the eff? Tanimura Masayoshi? I thought you were gone after like Yakuza 4 on god.”
“I uhh…” Tanimura moved closer to whisper. “I’m not supposed to be here… Listen, I told everyone I was in Thailand but I just been down here gambling and getting laid. So keep it on the DL, mkay? They’re getting a replacement guy for me in the next remaster.”
“I gotchu,” Kiryu said as the two did a cool secret handshake. “By the way, have you ever head gamer girl piss before?”
“Like… Consuming it?” Tanimura scratched his head. “That sounds kinda gross.”
“Man, you have NO taste. Gamer girl piss is like, the creme de la creme.”
“Okay ol’ pissmouth,” Tanimura said. “Kage might know. See ya.”
“Oh, okay Tanimura. I’m about to head in.” Kiryu headed to where the Florist usually was, but when he got there, it was Majima just chilling there.
“Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!”
“Shutcho bitch ass up, where’s the piss at,” Kiryu said, pulling out a gun from his inventory and pointing it at Majima.
“Like that’s gonna do anythin’ to me! We both know we got too much plot armour,” Majima said.
“Shiiiiiiiit, you right doe,” Kiryu said, putting away the strap. “I just wanna know where I can get some gamer girl pee.”
“Oh, you mean…” Majima held out a vial of beautiful, sparkly gamer girl piss in a beautiful glass vial. “This?”
“Give it to me,” Kiryu said, holding his hand out. “I need it, Majima.”
Majima hopped off of the desk. “And if I don’t?”
Kiryu huffed, getting in a fighting position. “Then I’ll have to force you to give it to me.”
Majima cackled. “Now, hold on a sec. I kinda wanna have this fight somewhere better.”
“Huh?” Kiryu lowered his fists. “Like where?”
Majima smirked. “Come with me.”
So Kiryu followed Majima (I know this sounds OOC but bear with me please). The two ended up at millennium tower.
“Oh, so we really gonna fight on millennium tower for this?” Kiryu asked. “Fine. You’re on.”
The two went inside the tower and raced up the stairs leading to the top of the tower, fighting enemies along the way like how you usually do in the games when you make your way up millennium tower.
When the two finally got to the top, they dramatically stared at each other while the wind blew through their hair. “You know, we could just avoid all this if you just handed it over. It’s simple.”
Majima shook his head. “No can do, Kiryu-chan. This, right here? I paid with my own money. First come, first serve. Not my problem.”
Kiryu clenched his fists. “Majima… You KNOW how much I need this. How much I love it…”
Kiryu’s jaw clenched. “So if you’re not going to hand it over…” He wooshed his shirt off dramatically as it flew away with the wind, probably going to end up stuck on someone’s satellite dish. Intense rock music began to play.
“...Then I’ll just have to make you hand it over.”
Majima wooshed off his ugly ass snakeskin jacket and did that annoying ass cackle he always does before pulling his knife out from his inventory and twirling it around like how Revolver Ocelot does with his guns. (Not sponsored by Metal Gear).
The two began to yell before running towards each other, the scene pausing to show “VS. MAJIMA FAMILY PATRIARCH, GORO MAJIMA” on screen before the two punched each other in the face.
Kiryu and Majima began to exchange blows, Majima having the unfair advantage of having a knife as he sliced Kiryu up, yet Kiryu showed no signs of damage on his body though his health meter was decreasing. Kinda quirky.
Even though Kiryu kept drinking staminaman X’s, Majima was too OP and could literally regenerate his health.
Kiryu grunted. “Ah, fuck this… We can’t die from weapons, right?” He asked himself. “Our plot armour is too thick!”
He pulled the glock out from his inventory again, running to the far side of where Majima was to carefully aim. He pulled the trigger, letting out a loud bang.
“Agh!”
The bullet hit Majima right in the abdomen, blood splattering before he fell to his knees, dropping the knife and covering the wound with his hand.
“Majima!!” Kiryu dropped the gun and ran over to Majima, holding him in his arms. “Majima? Majima!”
Majima coughed and smiled. “Ha… Whadd’ya know… Guess plot armour couldn’t protect me after all. Makes sense since my story is over.”
Kiryu shook him. “Majima, damn it, Majima!” Tears began to form in his eyes. “I… I’ll bring you to a doctor, I’ll—”
Majima pressed his finger to Kiryu’s lips. “Sshh…” He smiled. “It’s okay, Kiryu-chan. It’s okay, now.”
“What are you talking about, Majima…” Kiryu cried. “I… I killed you…”
“Don’t blame yerself, Kiryu-chan…” Majima said with a quiet voice. “Ya didn’t know.”
Kiryu held Majima’s hand. “C-Come on, Majima… We’ll get you fixed up, okay?”
Majima smiled again. “Thank you for everythin,’ Kiryu-chan.” His eye began to close as his grip on Kiryu loosened, his hands falling to his side.
“M-Majima…?” Kiryu said quietly in disbelief.
“MAJIMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
Kiryu began to sob on top of Majima’s body as thunder began to sound in the sky. “I don’t care about the gamer girl pee,” Kiryu whispered as he held onto Majima’s hand. “I just want Majima back. I can’t believe I… Really killed him…” Kiryu cried, pounding his fist into the ground. “Damn it! Majima, I love you, man!”
Majima sat up and opened his eye. “You what?”
Kiryu screeched. “What the FUCK?!”
Majima jumped back onto his feet, cackling louder than he ever cackled before as rain began to pour on them. “Ya really thought I could die, Kiryu-chan? Hahahaha!” He began to do the hustle. “As if I could ever! April fools, dumb bitch!”
Kiryu didn’t even know what to say or do at that point. He literally cried over Majima’s death and it was a damn prank all along?
“Oh, don’t be so sour! The camera’s over there!” Majima said, pointing to you.
“What the hell, man.” Kiryu wiped his face with his hand. “So all of this… Was fake?”
“Yep! Just like Ryu Ga Gotoku Shin’s leak!” Majima said, still doing the hustle. “By the way, you can have this,” he said, tossing the vial of gamer girl pee to Kiryu, who caught it effortlessly.
“Are you seriously giving this to me?”
Majima nodded. “Mmhmm. But here’s the catch… I already drank the gamer girl pee that was in there,” he said with a snicker. “That’s mine in there.”
“...Majima, I’m going to actually kill you.”
Majima laughed. “Let’s see ya try then, Kiryu-chan!” He said, the two getting into their fighting positions once more.