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In all his eleven years of life, Ben can’t believe it’s never occurred to him to ask–
“Why did you name me after Rey’s grandfather?”
His mom looks up from her book to laugh at him the way she always does when he’s making that scrunchy face that makes you look like a grumpy old man. “Why?” she asks, patting the seat next to her.
Ben shrugs. “Just because,” he mumbles as he sinks into the puffy couch cushions.
“Well,” his mom says as she sets aside his book; Ben likes it when she does that, when she turns to look at him and only him instead of a book or something from work or someone else. His head doctor would ask him to tell her that, your parents love you very much, Ben, but no one’s a mind reader–
His mom reaches out to ruffle his hair, and Ben wrinkles his nose at her. “Old Ben Kenobi is the reason I met your Uncle Luke, and your Uncle Luke is the reason I met your dad. Plus it’s a perfectly nice name.”
“No, it’s not,” Ben mutters almost immediately, crossing his arms and staring straight ahead. “It’s an old man’s name, and Rey thinks it’s weird.”
“Weird how?”
The TV is off, so he can see the face his mom is making at him as she combs through his messy hair with her fingers. It’s the face she makes when she feels bad for him, and normally Ben hates it.
But today he thinks he’ll sulk for a bit.
“Bad weird.”
“Oh, Ben,” his mom sighs as cool fingertips reach for his jaw and softly guide his eyes back to hers. “I’m sure that’s not true–”
“It is,” he insists. “It’s weird and she knows it and she’s leaving in three days and I’m just gonna be that weird boy who has her grandpa’s name–”
His mom smiles, and Ben pulls away from her. How can she smile right now? Does she not realize this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to him? Or does she just not care, the way no one ever seems to care–
“Well then, honey, maybe you just need to give her something else to remember you by.”
Before Ben can ask what she means, his dad walks into the room and ruins everything as usual.
“Leia, the boy is too young for your matchmaking–” He always sounds so grumpy, Ben’s dad, and then his mom gets grumpy too, and then he gets grumpy, not everyone is all smiles all the time, Ben, but that doesn’t mean they love you or each other any less–
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Han–” His mother is scowling now, her smile from earlier completely gone as she turns to his dad.
“Besides, he doesn’t need your help. He’s got that natural Solo charm,” his dad says, throwing in a wink at Ben.
Someday someone will finally tell Han Solo he can’t actually wink. Maybe it’ll even be Ben himself, if his dad keeps doing this.
His mom rolls her eyes. “Oh yes, the infamous Solo charm.”
“Hey,” his dad says as he sits on the armrest next to his mom, smiling the only kind of smile he ever gives her. When Poe’s parents look at each other there’s no mistaking the fact that they’re in love; when his parents look at each other his teachers whisper to themselves about sexual tension and other disgusting things he’s pretty sure they’re not supposed to talk about. “It worked on you, didn’t it? And a whole lot of others too, if I remember correctly–”
“Han!” his mom hisses as she slaps his dad’s shoulder. “Ben doesn’t need to hear this.”
That stupid grin on his father’s face gets even bigger. “Sure, Ben’s the one who doesn’t want to hear this. Say, is that a bit of green in your eyes, princess?”
His mom braces her hands against the couch as if she’s about to get up, but Ben beats her to it.
“You suck,” he tells his dad, and promptly runs up to his room.
“Ben, wait–”
“Hey, what’d I do this time?”
The last thing he hears before he slams his door is his mother’s heavy sigh. “Han, you idiot–”
He doesn’t go down for dinner when his mother calls for him, but not long after his dad comes up and knocks on his door before he lets himself in with a plate of lasagna.
“Hey, kiddo.”
Ben doesn’t look away from the comic book in his hands. “Hey.”
“Brought you dinner.” His dad sets the food down on his desk and comes to sit on the edge of his bed. “So, um… what was that about, earlier?”
He pushes his comic aside, but doesn’t look up. “Sorry.”
While his mom would have immediately assured him that it’s okay, she forgives him, she understands, his dad just waits for more.
“I just… I don’t like it when you talk about other people,” Ben finally admits as he reluctantly looks up at his dad. “Before Mom. And I know she doesn’t like it either, I can tell–”
His dad snorts. “Hey, if I could handle watching her and Luke–”
He cuts himself off suddenly, and Ben can’t help the way he leans forward out of curiosity. “Watch Mom and Luke what?”
“Uh…” His dad scratches the back of his neck and looks out the window for a bit. “Experiment. With other people. And none of it was their fault. They were young, you know? None of us know better when we’re young and stupid. Besides, that’s what being young’s all about – meeting people and making mistakes. Small mistakes. Big mistakes. All kinds of mistakes.”
That’s maybe the longest he’s ever heard his father talk uninterrupted in his whole life, but Ben’s too bothered by what he’s just said to call him out for being weird. “But I don’t wanna meet other people. And I don’t wanna make mistakes with Rey,” he admits even as his ears burn.
If there’s one thing his mom has taught him, it’s to never be ashamed of what he feels. And what he feels for Rey… he might not understand it yet, but he imagines it’s a lot like what Mr. and Mrs. Dameron feel for each other, because just being around her makes him smile the way the Damerons do.
So yeah, Ben’s feeling… something. And he doesn’t want to mess it up, knows he’ll never get a second chance–
“That’s sweet, kiddo,” his dad says. “But childhood sweethearts…” he sighs. “Actually, wait, no, I take that back. If there’s anyone who could make that last, it’d be you.”
Ben frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Not everyone is out to get you, Ben, not everyone wants to make fun of you–
His dad moves closer and awkwardly pats his hand. “Nothing bad, I promise. Just that… well… you’ve got your mother’s heart, Ben. A little prickly on the outside, sure, but the softest, biggest heart anyone’s ever had in the history of hearts, and once you’ve given it to someone…” He whistles. “That’s it. Game over. No going back from that, no matter how bad the other person fu– messes up. You’ll never give up on them. You’d do anything for them.”
“Oh,” Ben mumbles. He thinks about it for a bit, and then realizes– “Wait, you’re not that different.”
“Ha,” his dad laughs. “Real funny, kid.”
“No, seriously,” he insists. “Mom calls you prickly all the time–”
“She calls me a prick, not prickly. There’s a difference, kid.”
“What’s the difference?”
“It’s… um…” For the second time in five minutes, his dad scratches the back of his neck. Ben only ever sees him do that when his dad is in trouble with his mom or when he’s accidentally said or done something that’s going to get him into trouble with her. He wonders what it is this time.
“Nothing. It’s not important. You were saying?”
“You’re prickly,” Ben says again, “and you don’t like staying in one place for long, and Mom says you didn’t use to do the whole mushy feelings thing–”
“Still don’t,” his dad grumbles.
“But you do,” he points out. “For mom.”
His dad looks at him for a weirdly long time. “And for you. You know that, right, kiddo? I’m here for both of you, Ben. I… I’m still no good at the mushy stuff, but… yeah. Both of you.”
All you need to do is give them a chance–
“I know,” Ben says quietly. And then he does something he hasn’t done in a good, long while: he hugs his dad.
“Oof!” his dad says when Ben launches himself into his lap. It takes a little too long for his dad to hold him back, and when he does react it’s with an awkward pat to his back rather than the comforting motions his mother usually responds with, but it’s… it’s nice.
“Listen, about Rey… she’s a smart girl. I’m sure she’ll see past this name thing.”
Ben mumbles his greatest fear into his father’s shirt. “But what if she doesn’t?”
“Then she doesn’t deserve you,” his dad says, simple as that. As if there’s any universe out there where Rey doesn’t deserve him.
You deserve nice things, Ben. You deserve good things. You just need to let yourself start believing that.
His dad pulls away to give him a serious look. “But trust me, she will.”
So just for a day, Ben lets himself believe.
The next day, he hands Rey a piece of paper.
Kylo Ren, it says in his best handwriting, the one his mom made him practice again and again for thank-you notes. And right underneath, a string of numbers that’ll keep them connected.
“What’s this?” Rey asks, smiling as she holds the card to her chest with both hands.
Ben links his hands together behind his back and looks down at his shoes. “My number. For, you know, when you go home and Maz is busy at work and you’re all alone and bored–”
“What’s a Kyle Ron?”
He looks up to find Rey frowning at the card, a cute little wrinkle between her eyebrows. “Kylo Ren,” he corrects her. “It’s, um… it’s my new name. I came up with it for a game I play.”
His Uncle Chewie had laughed at it the first time he caught Ben playing the game, but what does he know anyway? It’s a cool name, much cooler than some old dead guy’s.
“New name?” Rey asks. “But what do you need a new name for? Ben’s a perfectly nice name.”
Well yeah, it is when she says it in that funny little accent of hers. But–
“But you don’t like it,” Ben reminds her.
Now Rey’s really frowning at him. “What? I never said that.”
“You called it interesting.”
“Yeah, because I think it’s interesting that your parents named you after my granddad,” she explains slowly – but not like he’s dumb, not like his teachers. More like she’s just as confused as he is. “Besides, interesting doesn’t mean that I don’t like it or think it’s bad.”
“It does,” Ben argues. “Because interesting never means anything good. It’s what people call my face when they don’t wanna say I’m ugly,” he mumbles, kicking at a little exposed patch of dirt from when he and Rey had pulled up a clump of grass two days ago. “And it’s what my head doctor says when I tell her why I did something bad.”
With his eyes on the ground, he sees a hand slowly reaching out. “Well,” Rey says as she slips her hand into his, and when he looks up Ben finds her cheeks even pinker than after she’s been running around and giggling non-stop. “I think your face is interesting in a good way. A very handsome way.”
And now he’s pink too.
“R- really?”
Rey nods. “Really. And… and I’m sure you’ve got good reasons for why you do stuff. So that’s interesting too.”
Is that why Doctor Amilyn always pauses when he tells her stuff? Does she actually mean it when she says hmm, interesting, and scribbles stuff down in her little notepad?
“And… and it’s interesting that your parents named you after my granddad, because that must mean our families are close,” Rey points out, “and that means I’ll hopefully see you again after this summer. A lot.”
Oh.
Oh.
“I, um,” Ben clears his throat and squeezes her hand. “I’d like that.”
Rey squeezes back. “Me too.”
And then, quick as lightning, she rises up on her tiptoes and presses her lips to his cheek before she drops his hand and darts away. “Now come on, Kyle Ron, it’s dinnertime!”
“No fair!” Ben yells after her as he gives chase. “And it’s Kylo Re- ugh, never mind.”
Eighteen years later…
.
.
.
“What about Leia?”
Rey shakes her head, her hair fanning out across his chest. “Mm, as much as I love your mom… I’m gonna have to say no grandparent names.”
How is he not supposed to take that personally? “Why not?” Ben asks, careful not to jostle her as he pulls himself up against the headboard.
“I don’t know,” Rey shrugs as she rolls off his lap. “It’s just… it’s weird, isn’t it?”
“Weird, really?” he snorts. “It’s never weird for you when you’re screaming my–”
“Ben!” she cries in protest.
“Just like that,” he smirks at her as his fingers descend upon her ribs, eliciting little shrieks of his name between bouts of laughter.
“Ben! Ben, stop! Ben! … Ben. Ben.”
Her voice goes lower just as he does, until finally she’s saying his name in his favorite way, all breathless and throaty and pleading. It doesn’t take much to get her going these days, pregnancy hormones and all. It also doesn’t take much to irritate her and shut everything down, but Ben decides to take his chances as he smirks at her from between her thighs.
“So, what was that you were saying about grandparents–?”
She clamps her thighs around his head. “Shut up and fuck me, Benjamin.”
“As you wish, Mrs. Benjamin.”