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After long hours of Niylah assisting in the Eligius IV medbay, Jackson released her, seeing how dead on her feet she was.
“Get some rest.” Jackson said, giving Niylah a tired smile. “Or rather - get cleaned up, and then time for a long long nap.”
Niylah furrowed her brow. “A long nap? Am I missing something?”
“Apparently, we’re all going into cryosleep for the next ten years.”
“Cryosleep?”
“A technology they have on this ship, where you go to sleep in a box and it is like you’re frozen - no aging, nothing - and wake up as if no time had passed at all. Clarke came back in here after the meeting, and said that that’s our only option, we couldn’t survive up here, all of us, until Earth comes back. So everyone’s been sent through the showers to clean up and change, and then it’s off to bed.”
“If only they’d had cryosleep in the bunker. Could have saved so us all so much pain. Especially her - not Clarke, I mean -”
Jackson nodded, knowing who she was referring to. “I know who you mean. You should go find her. Clarke said she wasn’t invited to the meeting, so she could be anywhere.”
“What are we going to be now, Jackson? All of us?”
“We’ll worry about that in ten years. Right now, she needs to know you care. Tell her how you feel. Give her something good to hold onto while she has to go back into a box not unlike what she grew up in.”
“Okay. Thank you.” They squeezed each other’s hands briefly, a familiar gesture of reassurance, and Niylah disappeared out the door.
* * *
Octavia must have been on the move, because Niylah searched the ship from top to bottom and didn’t find her. She checked the cryo room first and last, and when she went by the last time, Miller confirmed that she hadn’t yet gone to sleep.
So Niylah had done all she could do, besides still hope that she could find her before going to sleep, and headed to the shower rooms herself. The women’s room was empty but full of steam, a sign of just how many had already passed through and headed to sleep.
Niylah had just shed her outer garments when she heard the door, turning to see who else had yet to come through the showers, perhaps Abby or Clarke, or…
But it was Octavia.
Still in all of her battle gear, face dirty and bruised and bloody from the days of fighting, and a look of infinite tiredness in her eyes.
Octavia started when she noticed Niylah. “Sorry, I didn’t know anyone else was still here.” She mumbled, turning back to the door, pulling it open again.
“No. It’s okay. Stay. Please.”
“Wouldn’t want to bother you.”
Octavia prepared to duck out the door, but Niylah walked over quickly, pushing the door closed. “Stay. I mean it.”
“You can’t. No one wants to be around me right now.”
Niylah gave her a pointed look. “Okteivia. It’s me. You know I’ll always want to be around you.”
“Even after the past few days?”
“Even then. Especially now.” Niylah said, brushing Octavia’s hair out of her face and running her fingers over a bruise on her cheek, tsking, doing a visual sweep for other injuries. “You should have come to medbay.”
“Abby’s there.”
“You know Jackson and I would help you. You wouldn’t have to deal with her.” Niylah took her by the wrist and gently pulled her deeper into the room, Octavia coming along with her, unresisting. “But since you’re here, we can get you cleaned up first and see if there’s anything that I can help with.”
“Okay.”
Octavia made no move to start taking off her armour, so Niylah started unbuckling it for her, setting each piece down on the bench, unbuckling her sword belt and putting it down as well.
The loss of her sword stirred Octavia to movement, though she seemed confused, not sure which way to go or what to do. Niylah stilled her with gentle hands on her shoulders.
“Okteivia. Okteivia. It’s okay. We’re safe here.”
“Safe.” Octavia scoffed. “This ship is full of people who hate me and want me dead, and now I’m supposed to get in a coffin and hope that I’m still alive in ten years?”
“Don’t focus on that right now. Focus on me.” Niylah said sternly, cupping Octavia’s cheeks to make her look her in the eyes. “Focus. Breathe with me. Just breathe.”
Octavia took in a long breath, knowing the ritual, knowing the comforting way that Niylah had helped soothe her rage, calm her panic attacks, and worse, in the bunker. While everything around them here was so strange and unfamiliar, Niylah at least was a rock that she could count on. At least, Niylah hoped that Octavia knew that.
After a few moments, it seemed she did, because she collapsed forwards against her, sobbing, Niylah moving her hands quickly to hold her up.
“It’s okay.” Niylah whispered, rubbing a hand over Octavia’s back. “It’s okay.”
“But it isn’t.” Octavia choked out between sobs. “Nothing’s okay. We lost the valley, we lost so many of our people, if we’d just stayed in Polis -”
“- we would have been dead in a few years because the farm would have stopped feeding us again. Or the prisoners would have found a way to use their missiles. Going to war was the only way that we could live.”
“You really believe that?”
“I do. It was a risk, and some would die, but - our people would be free. It is not your fault that we were betrayed.”
“Betrayed? What?” Octavia pulled back, standing on her own again, wiping away her tears.
“You don’t know.” Niylah said slowly. “No one told you?” She sighed. “Of course not. They want you to believe that it was your fault. But it wasn’t. Kane and Diyoza betrayed Echo’s plans to McCreary. That’s why the enemy was there waiting for you.”
“How do you know that?”
“Raven told me, as I was treating the burns on her neck. Clarke is the one who told McCreary that we were on the move. And even though Raven and Echo and Shaw came up with another plan, Kane and Diyoza took it to McCreary. You did nothing wrong. Doing what was best for our people was not and is not a crime.”
“Why is everyone making me feel like it was?”
“I wish I knew.”
“But you’re with me?”
“Always. You know that.” Niylah ran a finger along Octavia’s hairline, from the middle of her forehead to her jaw, her touch lingering there as Octavia gave her a different look, one she hadn’t seen in the girl’s eyes for years. Not since those first weeks in the bunker when Niylah had believed that maybe they could have something more.
But then Octavia was forced into leading, her gaze instead weighed down by responsibility after responsibility, impossible choice after impossible choice, death after death. That look had never returned to her eyes.
Until now.
“Niylah?” Octavia whispered.
“What is it?”
“Can I… can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”
Octavia leaned closer, and Niylah met her halfway, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. Octavia tasted of blood and dirt, but Niylah didn’t care. It was a kiss that she’d remember for the rest of her life.
After a few moments, Octavia broke the kiss, stepping back to leave some space between them, but grabbing one of Niylah’s hands in one of hers.
“I… I’m a mess right now. I don’t know who I’m going to be, or what’s to come, just - I just needed to do that. I like you, but - I need to - I don’t know what I need, I - I don’t know if I’m ready for anything at the moment.”
Niylah nodded, reaching her free hand to stroke Octavia’s hair. “I understand. You’ve got a lot going on up here.” She tapped Octavia’s temple lightly. “Just know you’re not alone. You don’t have to do any of this alone. I’m with you. In any way you need me to be.”
“Is it wrong of me to say I love you, just after saying I’m not ready for something more?” Octavia asked, scrunching her nose up in a way Niylah had always found completely adorable.
“I’d be offended if you said you didn’t love me.” Niylah teased gently. “You know I’ve loved you since the day you saved me from Praimfaya.”
“That’s not the only reason you love me, is it?”
“No. There are many reasons why I love you. That was only the beginning.”
Octavia stepped forward again, dropping Niylah’s hand to embrace her tightly instead, tucking her face into Niylah’s neck. “Thank you. Thank you for always being here for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so thankful you’re here.”
“You have the truest heart I’ve ever known.” Niylah murmured, stroking her hands up and down Octavia’s back. “You try to hide it from the world, beneath all of your armour - be it physical, metaphorical or otherwise - but I’ve always been able to see it. From the moment we first met. Skaikru stormed into my home, heedless of the pain I was in due to the massacre which took my father from me, but you… you weren’t like the rest of them.”
“I was in pain too.”
“I know. And with everything that’s happened over the past six years - you haven’t had the opportunity to heal from it. But now you can. Now you will. I’ll help you.”
“Thank you.”
They stood there for a few minutes more, until Niylah tried to pull back, but Octavia just clung on tighter.
“Don’t go.” Octavia pleaded.
“I’m not going anywhere. I just think we should take those showers now.”
“I’m scared, Naila. I’m so scared.”
“Of what, snogon?”
“That something will happen while I’m in cryo. That - that someone will hurt me and I’ll never wake up, and -”
“Shhhhh.” Niylah soothed, pressing a kiss to the side of Octavia’s head. “I’ll watch over you. I’ll make sure that no one does you any harm. I’ll be the last to go to sleep if that’s what it takes, to make sure you’re safe.”
“You would do that?”
“Of course. I’ll ask Raven how to do the tech, and even make sure that I’ll be the first person you see when you wake up too.”
Octavia raised her head and smiled, pressing a kiss to the side of Niylah’s mouth. “Okay.”
“Good. Now let’s get you out of those clothes.”
Niylah stripped off her undergarments, and helped Octavia remove the rest of her clothes, cataloging a few bruises and scrapes along the way, but nothing too major. Nothing that would require any further attention.
Octavia sighed in happiness as the hot water hit her body, watching all of the blood and dirt and grime swirl away down the drain. She let Niylah wash her hair for her, like she had on particularly bad days in the bunker, enjoying the comforting and familiar feel of Niylah’s fingers running through her hair.
Once they were clean, Niylah rifled through the remaining piles of Eligius sleepwear that were left out on the benches, finding sets that would fit each of them.
“What do we do with our other clothes?” Octavia asked. “And my sword?”
“I heard Harper say that there was a storage room. We can put our things in these boxes, and take them there first. Should be on the way to the cryo chamber.”
They dropped off boxes in the cavernous storage room, and headed to the cryo chamber, where only a dozen people remained awake, most of the pods filled already. Halfway down the room, Niylah found a pair together for the both of them.
“Where’s Raven?” Niylah asked Monty.
“She’s already asleep. Over there.” Monty pointed. “Is there something I can help you with?”
“Yes, I… I wanted to make sure that I would wake up just a bit before Octavia. So that when she wakes up, I’ll already be awake to greet her.”
“Right. Okay. Sure.”
Monty took her through the settings on the panel, and then stepped away to join Harper and the others at the front of the room, giving Octavia and Niylah their privacy.
“Ready?” Niylah asked, stroking Octavia’s cheek.
“As I’ll ever be.” Octavia looked at the pod apprehensively.
“I’m right here.” Niylah whispered in reassurance. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Niylah noticed Octavia’s gaze drifting past her, towards the front of the room, where inevitably her brother would be found.
“Do you want to say anything to him?” Niylah asked gently.
“No. I’m sure I’d just be setting myself up for disappointment. I’d rather just remember you. Have you to hold on to for ten years of sleep.”
Niylah smiled, pulling her in for another hug, to which Octavia clung desperately, tears streaming down her cheeks, hitting Niylah’s shoulder.
It took some time, and by the time Octavia finally stepped back, her eyes were dry again, a look of determination passing over her features.
“I am not afraid.” She whispered to herself.
“You can do this.” Niylah murmured. “I’m right here.”
Octavia nodded, reaching up a hand to Niylah’s jawline. “Can I kiss you again?”
Niylah didn’t answer, she merely moved forward, pressing her lips to Octavia’s.
This kiss lasted longer than their first, and this time Octavia broke off the kiss with a breathless gasp, pressing her forehead against Niylah’s.
“I - I love you.” Octavia whispered.
“I love you too.” Niylah responded.
Octavia pressed one last desperate kiss to Niylah’s lips, and then stepped back, climbing onto the cryo bed. She took a few deep breaths, and turned her head to Niylah, reaching out a hand.
Niylah took it, pressing it to her lips. “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”
“Thank you. Let’s do this.”
“Reshop, ai niron.”
“Reshop seintaim, ai niron.” Octavia smiled, turning to face the ceiling again, closing her eyes as she pulled her hand back.
Niylah pressed the button Monty had shown her, and saw how Octavia slid into the box, the glass lid coming over to seal her in. She watched, fascinated, as the ice crystallized along the inside of the box, like it had on all of the others around them.
Octavia looked like one of the princesses from the stories they’d read in the bunker, the sleeping princesses in their glass coffins who needed a prince to awaken them from their slumber.
But Octavia was no princess, she was a queen, and somehow fate had seen fit to hand her, Niylah, a mere healer, the role of the queen’s guardian and defender, and the one to wake her with a kiss when the time came.
Niylah wouldn’t let her down. She stood by and waited, watching as the last of those awake began to take their places in the cryopods. Bellamy looked over to her once, and made as if to come over to talk to her, but her scowl was enough to keep him away. He climbed into a cryopod and Monty pressed the button to put him under.
Soon, the only people remaining awake were Niylah, Monty and Harper, staring each other down from halfway across the cryo chamber. She didn’t know them well, but she had established something of a rapport with them over the past two days of chaos in the medical tents in the wasteland. Despite that, however, their earlier betrayals still lingered, and Niylah kept a healthy sense of suspicion about them.
Sensing that Niylah wasn’t about to move from her post, Monty and Harper came to her.
“Everyone’s accounted for.” Monty said. “You don’t have to worry.”
“There’s still the two of you.”
Monty and Harper exchanged a look.
“We’re… we’re not going to sleep.” Monty said.
Niylah frowned. “What? Why not? You really want to live on this ship, eating nothing but your algae, for the next ten years?”
“Yes.” Monty said. “We did it for six years on the Ring. We were happy there. And if we go to sleep, and wake up in ten years, go back to the ground - then what? What’s going to happen then? Probably more fighting. I don’t want that. Neither of us do.”
“So instead you take ten years to get used to the idea.”
“You take peace where you can find it. We’re taking it now.” Harper said. “When everyone’s awake again -” Niylah saw Harper cast a wary glance at Octavia’s cryopod. “- we can’t say what will happen then.”
“You think you know everything.” Niylah sneered. “But the truth is you know nothing.”
“Don’t we?” Monty shot back. “We know the farm was dying. We know things were hard down there.”
“Have you stopped to think for a moment what precisely hard meant? Or considered that it wasn’t the first time the farm failed us?”
Harper looked at Monty nervously. “Octavia did say something like that, didn’t she? She said that she survived even when the farm stopped feeding them.”
“That’s right.” Niylah said, her voice dropping an octave. “Think on that a bit more. Think of how how we would have survived. Think long and hard on that, and think of what it would mean to be the leader in that world, giving those orders. Making the necessary sacrifices.”
Niylah watched with satisfaction as they realized the truth. It hit Harper first, her expression turning to horror as she raised her hand to cover her mouth. It took Monty longer, as he stared at Harper, not understanding what she was seeing that he wasn’t.
Niylah could see that Harper was struggling with saying the words. But Niylah had lived with her reality for four years now. She had no such struggles.
“Octavia told me about her friends in the sky.” Niylah started. “She said that you, Monty, were from Farm Station. Your parents and grandparents too. She told me about something called the Blight. Something where many of your crops in space failed.” She stared him down. “And how your people survived.”
Monty’s eyes widened. “You mean -”
“Yes.” Niylah said, raising her chin in defiance. “You can judge us if you want. Just remember that you’re alive today because your ancestors did the same.”
“Octavia had to kill people, didn’t she?” Monty asked. “To enforce that?”
“She did. Because for the human race to survive, full compliance was required. Letting people starve to death would have killed the rest of us for lack of nutrients in their bodies. Not everyone was willing to eat. But if you think she enjoyed it, any of it, you’d be very very wrong. It hurt her deeply, and she carries that pain with her every day.”
“That’s why she was so desperate to leave.” Harper whispered. “Monty, she - she tried to tell us -”
“She did tell us.” Monty said harshly. “We just didn’t listen. She said it. She said ‘you fight to live or you die. That’s how I survived when the farm stopped feeding us.’ What more could she have said?”
“She would have let you stay, you know.” Niylah said. “If you hadn’t helped Bellamy poison her, if you hadn’t broken into the arena and challenged her publicly - she would have let you stay. Restore the farm, if that’s what you wanted. If you wanted to live with the ghosts we were so desperate to leave behind. So think about that during your ten years of peace. Think about the fact that the reason we don’t have a plan besides cryosleep now is because your actions were the final straw. That final straw that broke Octavia’s back after six unimaginably hard years.”
“I’m sorry.” Monty whispered. “I am.”
“Tell her that in ten years.” Niylah said. “But until then, I expect you’ll watch over us, and make sure everyone’s safe? That she’s safe?”
“We will.” Harper said. “I promise. We’ll make it right. Whatever we need to do. I’m so sorry.”
Niylah nodded. “All right then. I… I hope you use these ten years well.”
“We will.” Monty said. “And when… well, we’ll deal with that when everyone else is awake again. But I think more people need to know your story. Especially Bellamy.”
“We can talk about that then.” Niylah rested her hand on Octavia’s cryopod. “It needs to be her choice.”
Monty nodded. “Okay. I understand. Are you ready?”
“I am.” Niylah climbed onto her cryopod, and nodded to Monty, and he pushed the button, sending Niylah into cryosleep.
Days became weeks, and weeks became months, and months became years. And as years became decades, Monty and Harper knew that they would never speak to Octavia or Niylah again, but they made sure that Jordan grew up with the stories of the fearsome but fair Red Queen, the sacrifices she made for her people so that the human race would survive, and the loyal healer who was always by her side.