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“Cas, you still trying to get your sandwich right?”
The angel looked up with a clearly disgusted look. “Unfortunately, I am. It still does not taste correct.”
Sam laughed slightly. “Hey, don’t let it get to you. Peanut Butter sandwiches really aren’t what they’re cracked up to be.”
Cas titled his head. “I thought peanut butter and banana was your favorite.”
“Um, right,” the man coughed.
“Besides, it was never the sandwich anyway.”
“Oh?”
“It was the memories.”
Sam nodded. “Miss being human?”
Cas looked appalled. “Absolutely not.”
“Okay…?” The pair stared at each other for several moments before Sam cleared his throat. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
The angel merely shook his head.
“Fair enough. It’s your story.” Sam stood with a pat on the other’s back. “I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
Sam left Cas to his thoughts and went on with his daily business and research. After all, there was an angel and knight of hell to track down and the constant question of where his relationship with his brother was going. So when he came into the library one morning he was surprised by three softly spoken words.
“What?”
Cas looked up. “It was Meg.”
“The demon?”
“Yes, the demon,” Sam didn’t miss the anger in his tone. “But she was more than that. You and your brother could never see it.”
Sam sat down next to him. “Then tell me.”
Cas stared off into the distance for several seconds before sighing. “I cannot define a soul, Sam. It is beyond human comprehension, and I do not know of any English words that could begin to come close to properly describing its true form.”
“But you saw something in her soul?”
“It was her soul, Sam,” he turned sharply. “When I first met her, it held nothing but darkness. As time passed, things shifted inside her and lights began to burst through. You could see it from a mile away; it was beautiful. She was beautiful.”
The younger Winchester had never seen Cas so animated, yet he could see a light of sadness brimming in his eyes. “Cas, listen, about Meg-”
“I know.”
“You know? How?”
“She said a prayer to me before she died.”
“I’m sorry, Cas. Meg and I weren’t exactly on good terms, but man, I really am sorry.”
“Why did you leave her?”
Cas’ voice was not full with anger – only curiosity filled sadness. “She told me to. “
“Did she say anything?”
“Yeah, yeah, actually she did. She told me to go save my brother…and her unicorn.”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“She loved you, Cas. I didn’t think it was possible for a demon to love an angel, but she did. I want you to know that.”
“How come you never told me?”
“We meant too. Really, Cas, we planned too, but then you disappeared. When we found you, you were human. It didn’t seem like a good time to tell you.”
“I understand.”
Sam glanced at Cas. “Did you love her?”
Cas remained silent before nodding. “I still do.”
“It hurts to lose someone you love. Trust me; I know,” Sam shook his head. “But you’ll learn to accept it in your life. I’m not sure how it feels to be an angel, but I know how to deal with pain. I’m here for you if you need anything.”
“Thank you,” Cas responded softly. “I think knowing I may never see her again is what hurts the worst.”
Sam started. “May never? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Meg is in heaven.”
“What? How? I thought demon’s couldn’t go to heaven.”
“They can’t, but she died a righteous death. Her soul now belongs in heaven. I heard it over Angel radio before the fall.” Cas let out a throaty laugh. “It caused quite a stir among the angels.” A frown replaced his laugh. “But with heaven locked up and me wingless, I will probably never see her again.”
“Hey, listen. We’ve got a lot of things on our plate, but Dean and I have been trying to restore your grace. It was important before, but now knowing this, well, let’s just say we’ll try harder. I promise, Cas.”
Cas smiled at his friend. “Thank you, Sam. I appreciate your friendship and your help.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for, but I do have one question. Why the peanut butter sandwiches? Did Meg make them for you while you were in the ward or something?”
“No, it was her kiss.”
“What?”
“Her kiss tasted like peanut butter.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Why would I joke about something like this?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Sam began before shaking his head. “But I understand why you’ve become obsessed with peanut butter sandwiches. Here. Come with me. There’s got to be at least something in these books that gives an angel decent taste in food.”
“Sam, thank you.”
“Hey, it’s the least I can do until I get you the real thing.”
Because a kiss from a demon might not be the norm, but Sam was going to get it for Cas. Peanut butter and all.