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The fans had taken note of the tension between the two of them.
How could they not when recent photos and fancams showed them being oddly distant and obviously awkward. It was definitely weird for the fans to see their favorite idols so tense with each other because when it came down to them there’d always been a spark of something light.
When it came down to Wendy and Irene of Red Velvet, they were the ultimate pair of softies that illuminated their surroundings from a simple glance to a full-blown smile to one another.
That’s who they were. Two girls that expressed their friendship tremendously. Wendy and Irene. Irene and Wendy. Just a pair of fluffballs Reveluvs adored greatly. And that’s how it’d been since trainee days, since debut, since Son Seungwan had been chained to the title of amazing best friend dubbed by Bae Joohyun.
Best friends. That’s what they became and it’s what they are.
However, presently, it’s what Seungwan despised most; living tragically as a best friend only.
Because over the years, something festered inside Seungwan. A feeling that was strong and made itself clear. A feeling that not a single soul knew nor probably had the slightest thoughts of.
“So,” Seulgi cleared her throat. “You and Joohyun-unnie have been...awkward.”
It was late into the night but Seungwan couldn’t sleep and unsurprisingly neither could Seulgi. So, they opted to go out for a nice late munch at one of their usual places. The owners were well aware of who they were and always provided a private section.
“Have we?” Seungwan scooped a spoonful of rice into her mouth, trying to quickly come up with a change of subject.
“Uh, yeah. Lately, whenever you two are in the same room it’s like this sudden coldness enters.”
“I haven’t noticed.”
“Maybe because you’re too busy avoiding her.”
Seungwan set her chopsticks down. “I’m not avoiding her.” How could I when it’s the last thing I want to do?
“Don’t lie to me, Wan.” Seulgi’s use of the nickname and timid tone makes her feel like one of the worst people.
But the thing is, she isn't lying. It was Joohyun doing the avoiding. Always turning the other way, never walking next to her, not even addressing her by her real name anymore as they’ve always done when they were dressed in comfy clothes back in the dorm.
When they were on stage, it’s always Wendy with an occasional slip of Seungwan. But as soon as they walked off, it’d be Seungwan. Now all she ever heard was Wendy in a monotonous voice.
“I’m not. I swear.”
“Then what’s going on?”
She sighed sadly, letting her head hang. “I wish I knew.”
It sucked badly having Irene be so distant from but it hurt even more when she hasn’t a clue why.
~~~
She’d lost track of how many times Joohyun would immediately turn away right when she tried to look at her. It happened way too much and honestly, Seungwan was growing irritated.
“Unnie, you alright?” Yeri asked with a hint of worry in her tone.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Your chewing your nails, you do that when you’re nervous.”
Seungwan quickly withdrew her hand from her mouth. She gave Yeri a sheepish grin. “Must be due to my upcoming collab for Sm Station.”
“Oh, right! You’re recording with John Legend-sunbaenim!”
Since young, Seungwan was an avid fan. And now, being the given the opportunity to actually record a duet with the one and only John Legend, it brought her inner fangirl out and maybe a few tears of happiness.
“Yeah, still surreal.”
“You’ll be amazing. You always are.”
Leave it to Yeri, their rascal maknae who usually gagged from such acts of love, to cheer her up. Truly a wonderful girl with a heart of gold.
“Thanks, Yeri. It means a lot.”
“No worries, unnie, but make sure to get me an autograph.”
Seungwan laughed, watching the younger girl slip out of the room. Alone again, she went back to anxiously chewing on her thumbnail as she tried again to develop a reasonable explanation for Irene’s recent behavior.
~~~
Seungwan left for California to record the song, leaving Red Velvet to do a schedule without her. When she came back, the girls tell her about not any of them singing her high notes in any of the tracks because nobody had the range.
“Seriously, unnie! None of us sang when your high notes came next.”
“Nobody can equal to you.”
“Stop, you’re flattering me too much.”
Sooyoung latched onto Seungwan, holding on like a koala, whining about having missed her adorable unnie even if she was only gone for three days. “The dorm felt so empty without you,” she told her, squeezing tighter.
“I’m sure none of you even noticed my absence.”
“Preposterous! How could we not?” Seulgi barked, throwing a chip at her. “Don’t think so little of yourself.”
Yeri reached for a box of pocky, absentmindedly commenting, “I think Joohyun-unnie missed you most.”
And that was the shock of the month for Seungwan. She looked at Joohyun, who was, of course, looking away. But. There was a slight tint of pink decorating her cheeks.
That was new. And gut twisting.
“Don’t say such nonsense, Yeri. I’m sure we all missed her the same.” is Joohyun’s lame excuse to cover up the accumulating awkwardness.
Sooyoung finally let go of Seungwan, allowing her to breathe, then spoke. “I agree with Yeri, you were even sleep--” but she never finished for Joohyun had thrown a couch pillow at her face.
Which then incited a pillow war, leaving all of them panting and exhausted in the next ten minutes. Seulgi was the first to get up, grumbling about needing to wake up early to dye her hair. Sooyoung followed, accentuating she needed beauty sleep, and dragged Yeri with her.
And then there were two.
Seungwan began picking up the dirty dishes they’d used, trying hard to not attack Irene with questions.
“Seungwan,” Joohyun murmured, holding her by the elbow. “Can we...talk?”
“Uh, sure.” She rasped nervously, her heart beating profusely from hearing her real name.
Sitting back on the couch, Joohyun spoke until Seungwan sat next to her. “These past weeks, they’ve been rough.”
You’re telling me about it. “Rough?”
“I’ve been going through something. Something life changing.”
“Unnie, you’re starting to worry me.”
“I’ve been doing some self-analyzing lately.”
“And? What’d you find out about yourself?”
She bit her lip; a nervous habit. “That…” She paused, taking a deep breath. “That I…”
Sengwan realized that Joohyun was struggling profoundly. Comfortingly, she held her hand, “You can talk to me, you know that, right?”
“I-I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of what you’ll think of me.”
That fact that Joohyun worried intensely of her thoughts meant that whatever she had to say must be something that she presumed deserving cold judgment. But Seungwan could never judge Joohyun. Never in a million years.
“Whatever you tell me would never change how I think of you.”
“Promise?” Joohyun held out her pinky.
It seemed she wouldn’t move on until it was sealed so Seungwan linked their pinkies. “Promise.”
“You won’t hate me?”
“Never.”
“Okay,” Joohyun exhaled, still looking completely troubled. “Seungwan, the reason I’ve been acting the way I have is because...because my heart can’t take being just your friend anymore. I-I like you more than that. More than I should and am allowed. I know it’s crazy, but--”
Hold on. *insert rewind sound effect*
What. Seungwan blinked like a maniac because she wasn’t sure if she needed to make an appointment to check her ears or if she was just completely delusional. It couldn’t be. Right? Red Velvet’s leader, Irene, couldn’t possibly possess the same feelings. Or could she? Seungwan felt a tad dizzy from such big news.
“Wait,” Seungwan interrupted, struggling to not faint. “Could you repeat that one more time?”
Joohyun looked like she didn’t want to but did anyway. “I said I l-like you...romantically.”
Oh lordy. She heard correctly. Now, how to respond accurately? A hug? A good ol’ pat on the back? Maybe a kiss? No, too soon. Seungwan felt her brain going into haywire while her heart surely felt like it was having a blast at a disco.
She’s heard that when a person goes into overload they tend to say the stupidest things. Or do the stupidest things. Seungwan’s only seen in it happen in movies or shows. Never in real life. Until she freaking experiences it.
Because Seungwan couldn’t correlate that her feelings for Irene were replicated, she ended up responding with, “Let me get back to you on that.” and zoomed into her and Seulgi’s shared room.
After shutting the door with force, she slid down against it, groaning into her palms. Crap. She really just left in the middle of a confession. How the hell is she gonna fix it now?
“Uh? You okay?” Seulgi asked from across the room, having paused the movie she was watching on her laptop.
“I screwed up.”
“What’d you screw up now? Maybe I could help.”
“I don’t think you can,” Seungwan muttered helplessly.
“You never know.”
“Seul?”
Seulgi straightened up at the emotionless call of her name. “Yeah?”
“How do you feel about same-sex relationships?”
“I think...a relationship is a relationship. Love is love.”
Seungwan’s lips quirked up very slightly. “What if I told you that...one day I may be in one?”
And so she waited for a response. One that would shine light upon her. A sliver of faith that would be enough to go back out and face the truth. Seungwan kept her vision to the ground, afraid of looking at Seulgi.
“I’d congratulate you for not dying alone with twelve cats,” Seulgi answered lightheartedly.
Seungwan finally looked up and nearly burst into tears at the way Seulgi was giving her such a fond look. That bubbly grin provided comfort. “Gosh, you’re the worst.” she joked.
“You know I love you, right? I just wish for you to be happy.”
“Another thing.”
“Shoot.”
Seungwan twiddled her thumbs nervously. “What if I told you that the reason Joohyun-unnie was avoiding me was because she has feelings for me and she may have just confessed them?”
“Then what the heck are you doing in here?!”
Seungwan winced from how loud Seulgi had raised her voice. She’s never been so loud before.
“I panicked!”
“You don't just run from somebody confessing! Especially if they’re your unnie!”
“Then what do I do?!”
Seulgi stood up from the bed, motioning for Seungwan to come to her. When they were face to face, with a vice-grip on her shoulders, Seulgi shook her crazily while relaying a few “encouraging” words, “You’ve been confessed to by Korea’s IT-Girl! If you don't kiss her or something you’ll be living with dreadful regret for the rest of your life knowing you’re a weenie who ran away from what could’ve been the best thing that happened to you!”
Seungwan blinked away the dizziness. “I thought our debut was supposed to be the best thing that happened to me?”
“Not when Bae Joohyun thinks you’re worthy of having feelings for!”
Right then and there, sudden empowerment invested in her. Seulgi’s words struck her with realization. This was her chance. She needed to step it up. Seungwan inhaled shakily and fist pumped with determination.
“I’m no weenie!”
Seulgi cheered her on. “Yeah! That’s the spirit!”
“I’m gonna go back out there and tell her how I feel too!”
“You’re Red Velvet’s main vocalist! You’re practically invincible!”
Seungwan let herself calm down from being riled up. She flashed Seulgi a small smile that she hoped was enough to convey her gratefulness. Seulgi sent another fist pump of encouragement.
She could this. And she would.
No more cold war for them.
~~~
Joohyun was in the same position she left her with. Except for the look on her face was full of devastation. It was torturous and heartbreaking to look at. Seungwan cleared her throat to announce presence.
“Oh, you’re back.” Damn. Voice sharper than a knife.
“Yeah, I am.”
“For what?”
Seungwan cautiously sat back on the couch. However, she sat closer than last time. The gap was very minimal between them. A citrus scent wafted around her. Joohyun’s wore the same perfume for years.
“I’m ready to get back to you on...what you said earlier.”
“Seungwan, it’s fine. You don’t have to do this.” At least the name stayed.
“You don’t even know what I’m gonna say.”
“I know that you’re gonna tell me it’s okay to feel the way I do because you grew up in areas more liberal but it’s different here. It’s not okay for me to like you the way I do, or anybody of the same sex really. It’s not normal.”
“Of course, I’m gonna tell you it’s okay. And, I mean, what even is normal? Normals boring.”
Joohyun rolled her eyes but her lips displayed a different gestured. A cute pout that Seungwan couldn’t help but stare at in awe. Then she realized something. Being “normal” was purely a fictional name tag society created.
If you thought outside the box then everything was normal.
“You’re so pretty, unnie.” Seungwan bravely confessed. “My pretty unnie,” she spoke again, this time looking directly into Joohyun’s eyes.
“You tell me that all the time.”
“And I’ll keep doing so because it’s a fact. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve laid eyes on.”
“Seungwan…” It was just her name. But shit it always felt amazing to hear Joohyun say it. “You don’t have to pretend for my sake.”
“Unnie, I like you, too. Like, a lot.” There. She had said it. Put her feelings out on the table, ready for them to be appreciated.
“But,” Joohyun sighed into her palms, “you can’t.”
Uh. What the heck does that mean? Seungwan’s pretty sure that’s not how this was supposed to go. They were supposed to rejoice in feeling the same way and maybe cuddle. Joohyun telling her she can’t like her was not a part of the plan.
“But I do.”
“I should’ve never told you.”
“Hold on a minute,” Seungwan lowered herself onto her knees in front of Joohyun, pulling the older woman’s hands away from her face and gasped softly from the glossiness in her eyes. “I’m glad you told me. And I’m glad I told you. And I maybe more than like you.”
“What about the company? Our members? And our future?”
“What happens between us isn’t up for the company’s discussion. As for our dear members, I think they already know.”
Joohyun went wide-eyed. “T-They know?”
“I just told Seulgi. As for Sooyoung and Yeri, they’ve probably put two and two together.”
“Well...” Joohyun exhaled a deep breath, clearing her throat. “Then where does that leave...us?”
Two words Seungwan felt that described how she felt at the current moment from watching her precious Joohyun-unnies face become pink tinged are keyboard smash.
Example: akljdfdhlafhsdlj
That was exactly how she felt. No other description was suitable.
“It leaves us as we’ve always been The only difference from then and now is I wouldn’t have had the courage to do this.”
“Do what?”
Seungwan gulped down the fear and leaned forward. Lips soft and plush made the fear disappear as they began to move firmer against her own. When they pull apart, Joohyun is flushed and Seungwan is bearing a silly grin because wow.
“Will you have the courage to do that more often?” Joohyun teased, her eyes full of mirth.
“Oh yeah, expect lots of that.”
“Can’t wait.”
There was something new that danced in her eyes. The smirk accompanying in it almost made Seungwan tremble. She knew that Joohyun knew how to make her weak. It seemed her assertive unnie has made a proud comeback.
Now Seungwan was the one who couldn’t wait.
“I’m gonna shower then head to bed.”
Still distracted from the sexy smirk, Seungwan absentmindedly nodded. “Uh, yeah, yeah, you do that.”
“Goodnight, Seungwan. I’ll see you in the morning.” She placed a gentle a peck on her cheek but before pulling away she whispered, “I’m so happy.”
And before she could even respond Joohyun was already disappearing down the hallway. Seungwan would drop by her room later and tell her that she too was happy. Maybe with a couple of kisses. And some cuddling.
Surely there was a derpy expression on her face as she thought about being all lovey-dovey with Joohyun.
Some would describe paradise as a place full of exceptional delight and happiness. Seungwan would depict it as the feeling of finally letting her heart express itself and receiving the same vibes from a girl she’s crazy-loca for.
Joohyun asked about their future but that is something unpredictable. You’ve just gotta live in the moment because that’s what matters most. So Seungwan was going to do just that.
Make life her bitch and live it as she pleased.