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You didn't have to look my way, Your eyes still haunt me to this day. But you did. Yes you did.
Connor had loved Hank from the second he knew how to love. Maybe before, even as just RK800, he loved the other man, been willing to give him everything.
Maybe the second his sensors landed on Hank he was fucked. Those beautiful blue eyes that tattooed themselves into his memory bank luring him in.
Sure, he wasn't conventionally attractive, nor was he kind at first, but since the Revolution Hank had been the android's everything.
You didn't have to say my name, ignite my circuits and start a flame, but you did. Yes you did.
Connor had always known that this day would come, Hank was 53 when they met, not to mention an alcoholic as well with no regard for what he put his body through. It wasn't as though the android wasn't aware of humans' mortality, but he hoped that Hank could be different.
Throughout the entire ordeal, Hank would ignore his mortality, for his boyfriend's sake, but they all knew that it would happen.
It was ten years later, Connor watching the love of his life slowly deteriorate. Doctors said that he was lucky to have lasted that long, typically cirrhosis started in the early forties, but Hank made it all the way to sixty before his liver began to fail. It didn't feel lucky, didn't feel like anything. In the last few years, Connor had been a dutiful helper, at the side of his lover no matter what.
Hank constantly complained about it, of course he did. Hank was "a grown ass man, doesn't need a little nanny hovering over his shoulder whenever he takes a piss."
"I'm not a baby, Connor. I'm fine." Hank sighed to the android. "If I'm going out, I'm gonna do it with dignity."
It was hard, watching it happen, knowing he'd never age the way Hank did, never die naturally, only eventually deteriorate. Some days Connor wanted to run away, Hank was already pushing him away, saying that he didn't need to see him like this. It would have been so easy to take his things and leave; but he'd never be able to do that and he knew it. He had the option to be with Hank until the human's last breath, and he would take it. He had to commit every movement of the other man to memory, keep his every breath in his brain to be stored forever. To die with Connor.
If Connor had to watch the man decay as he lived and breathed, he would do it just to remind him that he was there. That he loved him and would never just decide that Hank was no longer worth his time. He was worth all of it.
Oh, turpentine erase me whole because I don't want to live my life alone. Well, I was waiting for you all my life.
Connor had experience with death. Losses of good cops, brave men who put their lives on the line and ultimately lost them. Loss of Hank's friends, cousins, a few funerals where he was tempted to take off his LED because Hank's family didn't know that he was with an android. Hank smacked his hand when he went to do so.
"If they don't want you there, they don't want me there, Con." The sentiment still lit Connor's circuits, filling him with warmth.
Connor had experienced the loss of Sumo, the best companion to walk this earth. He and Hank were destroyed by the St. Bernard's death, he was kept in an urn next to the bed.
Connor knew what it felt like for somebody to die, but he didn't expect the wave of emotions that hit when he lost Hank.
He had anticipated everything he felt for the other funerals, just amplified; not the wave of new emotions that flooded his core. There were so many things that he didn't know he could feel, didn't know he could think. The moment his boyfriend flatlined, he drowned in a wave of new and terrible emotions. It felt like there was a hole in his chest, in his existence. Hank was a part of him and now he'd never exist again.
Markus and Simon helped him get through the first couple of weeks, helped him pack up Hank's things, arrange the funeral (though Hank had already handled a lot of that, control freak) turn the man that Connor loved into a memory that wouldn't bother him to often.
Hank had decided to be cremated, placed alongside his son. Connor took some ashes from both and kept them in a small locket.
It wasn't fair. His entire existence, it seemed, was revolved around Hank.
Hank was there for him when he was just a police android, RK800, was there for him when he was a fresh-faced deviant figuring himself out, was there for him while he learned about love and loss and all that it took to be alive. Hank made Connor what he was today. How was he supposed to forget that? Move on from that?
A few times, Simon had to stop him from shutting himself down; factory restart. No emotions, no thoughts, no separation from status quo. This time without Hank. This time he wouldn't feel like this. He wouldn't feel at all.
You didn't have to smile at me, your grin's the sweetest that I've ever seen. But you did. Yes you did.
Hank Anderson was not known for his smile, not known for his laugh, his childish glee at the oddest things. Unless of course, you were talking to Connor.
The photos laying across the table were painful to look at, but somehow more painful to keep away. Friends, family, and coworkers of Hank surrounded the android as he took in the glimpses of Hank's life.
It almost felt too personal when Gavin grabbed one of them, it was an older photo. Pre-Connor. A fresh-faced, newly promoted Lieutenant Anderson standing proud with the rest of the force. There were a few like that. Some with the Gavin poking at him or vice-versa, a few older comrades that have already fallen.
Connor got the chance to meet more of Hank's family. The solemn expression he wore shocking a few when they saw his LED. The few were even more surprised when he explained what he was to the man, what the human was to him. One of Hank's cousins even gave him a hug.
It was odd, standing in a room full of people who loved Hank Anderson almost as much as himself. The service was short and respectful, Connor saying a few words, family giving a quick speech, the police force showing their respect to a fallen brother in arms. The proceedings after were full of alcohol, laughter at stories, Conner learning more about his boyfriend and old cousins finding out what they missed in their time away from him.
It was almost one in the morning by the time it all wound down. Connor helped clean up, got some more condolences by people as they left, and gathered up the photos strewn across tables for people to find and talk about.
As Gavin fucking Reed left with the RK900 model come to be known as Nines, both gave him a sympathetic clap on the back. Nines had been having a specially hard time watching what was essentially his brother go through this, knowing that he would too in eventuality.
There was nothing to do now, holding a pile of photographs in his hand and the weight in his chest. As though his thirium pump were breaking, he expected warning signals to flash across his vision despite the fact that his body was apparently fine.
You didn't have to offer your hand. Since I've kissed it I am at your command. But you did.
Connor's things fit into two boxes. Everything else went to either storage or Hank's family. He couldn't tolerate it.
Connor couldn't imagine being surrounded by his boyfriend's things any longer than necessary. All he had were his boyfriend's ashes and some of his clothing (including his DPD jacket and a few hoodies.)
While he got back on his feet, the android stayed with Markus and Simon in the house inherited from Carl, Markus' surrogate father. The house was large and lonely, it gave him a lot of time to think of how much he missed Hank. Even the dumb things, like driving him around, cooking, fighting.
"Con, I'm not ten, I can drive!" Hank rolled his eyes, getting into the passenger seat nonetheless. "You're your own man now, you don't need to do all this shit."
"I'm not working for you, Hank," Connor rolled his eyes. "I'm being nice. It's good knowing that I'm making things easier for you."
"I don't need to be pampered." Despite the claim, the man had a smile on his face. His voice light and amused at the android's response.
"But you can be," said android pointed out. "and I like to be of help."
Hank just laughed. "I fuckin' love you, you know."
"I do." Was the cocky response. "I love you, too."
The attention Connor gave to Hank was always just straddling the line of overbearing, but the other man's small smiles and laughs always spurred him on. He couldn't help himself.
Connor would do anything for Hank, he always knew that but now it was concrete. And Connor didn't regret it.
The memory was one that the android wanted to drown in. Remain in the moments of joy forever, when he didn't even need to imagine losing the other man.
Oh, turpentine erase me whole because I don't want to live my life alone. Oh I was waiting for you all my life.
It was hard for Connor to get up again. It felt as though every one of his systems was slowed. Every micro-mechanism in his body on the verge of seizure.
Several scans showed that there was nothing physically wrong with him. It was all in his head. In his emotions.
Software instability.
It was almost as though the android was numb, but he couldn't be. Numb didn't have that hole in his chest. Numb wouldn't give the sinking feeling, the slowing of his thirium pump.
Maybe it'd be better to just be numb.
To just go back.
Set me free
Manual Factory Reset; Are you sure?
If your RK800 model is not backed up, information could be lost. Are you sure you'd like to factory reset?
My Honeybee
Yes
Manual Factory Reset Initiating; This could take a moment