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The sound of a snap had never been so loud, but that’s the only thing she could hear. Her ears were stuck on that sound, just like she was stuck underneath a tree. She started running once she was free, her heart pounding in her chest, the adrenaline coursing through her veins not letting her feel any physical pain. But emotional pain was a different matter altogether. She ran and while she ran she tried to avoid looking around, because when the first Wakandan soldier turned to dust, she knew that she wouldn’t like what she saw. So she did something she hadn’t done in a long time, she ran away and sped toward the one person she knew she’d be safe with. A part of her was terrified that she wouldn’t find him, but another part knew he was too good, that the universe would never erase him.
She found him, kneeling on the ground, the set of his shoulders showing just how defeated he felt, and once she was close enough, she understood. They’d lost, and the stakes had been higher than ever. She was shaking, her stomach threatening to stage a mutiny. This couldn’t be real. This had to be a nightmare, but when he moved and she saw his face, she knew this was real. He got up and wrapped his arms around her, squeezed her tight enough for it to hurt, but she didn’t complain.
“You need to go check on him,” he whispered to her. She knew he was right, but something wouldn’t let her move. Until Okoye pulled her gently away from the soldier.
She followed the general all the way back to the castle. There was chaos all around them, people were still disappearing and she felt like a fist was squeezing her heart. Princess Shuri met them on the steps to the castle, and Okoye pushed her gently further into the structure, the general would talk to the princess.
She moved forward on autopilot, her feet following a path that they knew from numerous visits to Wakanda over the time they’d been in hiding. She couldn’t think, didn’t want to think, because the second thoughts processed she would break down. The Black Widow didn’t break down, she had been made by the Red Room to be stronger than this, but Natalia, the little girl inside the Widow, Natasha, the woman behind the agent, she could break. And what awaited her behind the door she knew so well, had the potential to break her like nothing before ever had.
She found herself staring at the door, the room beyond it was silent, she couldn’t tell anything just from looking at the door, but she lacked the strength to push it open. Natasha was afraid, the Widow was afraid, and that had never happened before. Even when faced with Clint oh so many years ago, back when the archer was an enemy and not a friend. She hadn’t been afraid, just relieved that maybe her end would be quick.
She closed her eyes and took one more step forward, put her hand on the scanner and heard the mechanism beep. She breathed unsteadily, but pushed the door open and stepped inside the room. Her eyes were glued to the ground, she wouldn’t look up, not until she had to.
Natasha made her way inside the room, her boots making no sound, and soon enough she found herself before a crib. She could only see the dark wooden legs, her breathing erratic as she fought against the overwhelming urge to run and not even look inside the crib. She had to know, and so she took one more shaky breath and looked up.
Her heart stopped and it was like her whole world came tumbling down. Hot tears burned a trail down her cheeks and a sob escaped her lips. She watched with a strange sort of detachment as her own hand moved and touched the little pile of ashes that used to be her baby boy. The sobs kept coming until she felt herself collapse.
~*~*~
Natasha gasped at the pain, she was on the floor and had hit her head on the dresser. She slowly became aware of the moisture on her face and she shook as she noticed she was alone in the room, the crib still empty. He was gone, their baby boy was gone. She couldn’t stop crying. When had she fallen asleep?
“Nat,” Steve’s voice cut through her hysterics and then his strong arm wrapped around her body. She looked up and there in his arms was their baby.
“Shit, Nat your freezing.” He pulled her up into the bed and cradled her and their baby close. “He’s ok, Nat. It was a nightmare.”
“It was so real,” she whispered, her voice still clogged with tears, one had desperately fisted in the material of her husband’s shirt, while the other ran soothingly through her baby’s soft blond hair.
Steve tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her hair, “He’s ok, we’re ok. And we’ll get everyone back.”
Natasha nodded and cuddled closer, “Did you manage to contact Fury?”
“No. Shuri thinks he’s one of the ones that went with the snap.”
Natasha nodded and bit her lip, how were they supposed to fix this?
“Hey, don’t. I know you’re worried, we all are. But we’ll fix this, Nat. Whatever it takes, we’ll get everyone back.”
She shivered at the tone of his voice, but nodded against his chest. They’d get everyone back, they’d fix things. They were the Avengers and save the world was what they did. But in that moment, Natasha sent a silent thank you to whatever deity was listening, because right at that moment, the biggest part of her world was safe.