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One moment changed Haiji Kiyose’s life forever. He knew his knee was most likely destroyed, shattered even, he couldn’t even stand without the support of Kakeru; who hadn’t left his side for even a moment since he fell into his arms after the race. Shindo had already called for the medical team by the time the Kansei team found a suitable place for him to sit and Haiji already knew he would need to go to the hospital.
The twins and Musa were sobbing, Yuki was visibly shaking, King’s hands were clenched so tightly Haiji had to wonder if they were bleeding. Nico-chan-senpai and Prince’s faces were hardened, but anyone could see the faintest droplets of tears forming in their eyes.
“Haiji-san, the medical team is on its way, do you need anything?” Shindo asked, even on the verge of collapse from his fever, the young man still thought of someone else before himself.
“I can wait, I’ll be okay…” Haiji said, teeth braced tight as he tried to stretch his leg a centimeter for some comfort.
“Don’t!” Kakeru shouted, his grip on Haiji’s shoulders increasing, “You have to keep it as stable as possible right now, we don’t know how bad it is yet.”
“It’s probably worst case at best.” Haiji grunted.
Not even a moment later, two trainers arrived, carrying a stretcher between the two of them and a basic first aid kit, the men asked Haiji the standard assortment of questions and assessed his knee with as little contact as possible. Haiji received the answer he expected of needing at the very least x-rays as his leg was tied into a splint and hoisted onto the stretcher.
“The local hospital is only a few minutes by car, we’ll take you in the Student Association’s van.” A trainer said as Haiji was lifted in the stretcher.
“Kakeru,” Haiji called, “come with me.”
Kakeru’s sapphire orbs widened before dutifully nodding his head, following close behind. Haiji had always been secretive about his health issues, to deliberately ask for him to accompany him to the hospital spoke volumes at how truly serious this situation was.
Haiji was loaded into the van with Kakeru at his side as the trainers climbed into the front and drove off. Out the window, Kakeru could see the rest of the Kansei team gathering their belongings and would most likely meet up with them at the hospital.
Kakeru felt something overtake one of his hands, turning his gaze to it, Haiji’s hand was clinging on. Kakeru returned the grasp with his own strength, running his thumb over the back of Haiji’s hand in soothing circles.
“It’s going to be okay, Haiji-san.” Kakeru whispered.
No words left either of them after that, Kakeru could only hold onto Haiji’s hand, his other brushing the brunette’s lengthy forelocks out of his eyes.
It was only there, in the back of the van, in these moments of silence that Haiji wept.
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Chocolate orbs glazed over at the sight of the picture.
That’s what his knee looked like now?
Haiji already knew it would be the worst he could imagine and yet, this was not something he could even fathom. This made his initial scans look tame.
“Your ACL is completely severed,” the orthopedic doctor began, “and I’ll be honest, son, this is the worst I’ve ever seen an ACL look. Your MCL has major tearing as well, but it’s the most minor of all the damage.” he continued, metal pointer tracing out the details.
“However, your meniscus,” the pointer circled the general area of the knee, “it’s effectively gone, when a surgery is scheduled, you will essentially have to get a full knee replacement.”
A full knee replacement… At 22?
Haiji took in a deep breath before speaking, “And physical therapy time?”
“As with anything, it will be dependent on your recovery speed. But at bare minimum, you’re looking at anywhere from nine to twelve months. And if I’m being honest, it’s a 95% chance it won’t be a full recovery. You will never be able to run again, that is certain.”
Haiji’s fists gripped the fabric of his shorts, he knew this day would come and he had resolved himself on this would be his last day as a competitive runner, but to actually hear it out loud from a doctor?
It was soul crushing.
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Kakeru’s feet couldn’t stop bouncing as he sat in the waiting room, he wasn’t permitted into the consultation room and the team still had yet to arrive. Left to his own devices, nothing could calm his nerves or distract him.
He saw it happen.
He saw Haiji’s knee just give out on him.
And he couldn’t do anything to help.
Checking his phone for what felt to be the tenth time in the last thirty seconds, Kakeru could only stare at his lock screen, praying a message would come from one of the twins, or Prince, or anybody on the status of the team. Nothing came immediately and after a few moments, his screen faded to black, huffing a sigh, Kakeru tucked the device back into his jacket pocket.
More time passed, Kakeru was uncertain of how much, as he decided to simply watch the door, waiting to see the familiar white van pull up. Thankfully, not long later, a white Hyundai Starex pulled into the driveway, before the vehicle even came to a full stop, a back-seat door opened and Kakeru could easily make out the twins jumping out first.
Joji and Jota burst through the automatic doors, followed closely by the rest of the boys, “Kakeru, is everything ok? Where’s Haiji-san?” Jota asked as he reached his teammate.
“I don’t know, I wasn’t allowed to go with them…”
“That’s to be expected, sorry we left you waiting alone for so long.” Yuki said, clapping a hand on Kakeru’s shoulder.
The first year could only nod numbly, “It’s fine…”
“Let’s all sit down for now, who knows how much longer it’ll be.” Nico suggested and the boys all agreed, taking up a section of chairs.
A half hour crawled by as the boys sat in painful silence, and then, finally, the door to the examination wing opened. The first person out was the doctor Kakeru recognized as escorting Haiji, who held the door open for someone not far behind him, as that person crossed the threshold, Kakeru swore he felt his heart fall into his stomach.
It was Haiji, his knee bound in a splint still, perched in a wheelchair…
There was no way…
“Hey guys.” Haiji greeted.
An eerie silence filled the room, no one could comprehend what they were seeing. Just an hour ago, Haiji was on his own two feet, running, and now? In a wheelchair? This had to be a nightmare.
The orthopedist approached Coach Tazaki and handed him the clipboard of documents, “These files have been transferred to your prefectural hospital and he has knee surgery scheduled in three days, I would suggest returning home as soon as possible.” the man detailed.
Coach Tazaki nodded his head as he read through the papers, “Thank you, Sensei.”
“Of course, I will take my leave,” the doctor said, turning back towards the examination wing, pressing a hand to Haiji’s shoulder as he passed, offering the young man a sympathetic smile before returning to his work.
“Haiji-san, what did he say? What’s wrong?” Musa asked, hand clenching the front of his shirt.
Haiji shook his head, “Sorry, Musa, but I don’t want to talk about it right now…”
“Ah, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked!” Musa gasped.
Shindo patted his back, “It’s okay, Musa, you’re just concerned.”
Kakeru couldn’t believe this, he didn’t want to believe it. This couldn’t be happening to Haiji…
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The return to Aotake and following days flew by with impeccable speed, Haiji left for surgery on the fifth, stayed over-night, and returned to the dorm on the sixth. From what Kakeru was told, the surgery took seven hours and Haiji would have to return in about a week’s time for a follow-up appointment. Haiji had been instructed to stay off his leg as much as possible and was excused from lecture for the week, the others had already divided up the chores among themselves upon returning from Ekiden.
Kakeru’s main duty was bringing Haiji his meals and getting anything he needed. Since the Ekiden, Haiji had grown reclusive, he didn’t want to be seen by anyone; the only person he felt comfortable around was Kakeru.
Currently, Kakeru was bringing him his lunch, lightly knocking on the door to his dorm room, “Haiji-san, it’s me, I’m coming in.” he called out before ushering himself in.
Haiji was laid out in his futon, Nira sprawled in his lap getting his belly scratched as he was reading a novel for his seminar, “Thanks, Kakeru.” he said, not peeling his eyes from his book.
Kakeru set the tray of food beside the older man and scratched Nira’s ear, earning a pleased whine from the Shiba, “Do you need anything else, Haiji-san?”
“Yeah, actually.” Haiji said, setting his book down and looking straight into Kakeru’s cobalt eyes.
This got Kakeru’s attention, usually Haiji didn’t have any requests, at most it would be water or something on his desk and would often avoid looking directly at him. But right now, Haiji’s almond orbs pierced through him and Kakeru could just feel how serious Haiji felt about what he was going to ask of him.
“Could you… Could you go with me… To my follow-up?” the older man asked.
Kakeru gasped, “Are… Are you sure that’s okay?”
“I don’t care if it is or isn’t. I want someone there with me, in the room next to me, asking the questions I can’t think of… I want it to be you.” Haiji said, a faint coloring filled his cheeks.
Kakeru felt his own face heat up slightly, “Okay, whatever you need, Haiji-san.”
Haiji took hold of Kakeru’s hand tightly, Kakeru lacing his fingers with the other’s.
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Haiji’s follow-up went smoothly, Kakeru was permitted in the room, taking notes on exercises Haiji needed to start doing to help with his physical therapy, asked a few vital questions regarding activity, and offered Haiji his hand to hold when he felt he needed reassurance.
“Alright, you’re clear to return to school,” the physician stated and Haiji heaved a sigh of relief, Kakeru felt some tension leave his own shoulders hearing those words, “I strongly suggest wearing a brace for your knee when walking, I submitted a prescription down to the orthopedic wing and they should have one for you there.”
“Thank you, Sir.” Haiji said, bowing thankfully, Kakeru following in suit before leaving the private room.
Kakeru guided Haiji down to the wing and Haiji was given a hinged brace, it looked so robotic to Kakeru, like it was the only thing keeping Haiji’s leg from snapping. Haiji took a few minutes to practice with the apparatus before the two walked out of the hospital.
The sight of Haiji on his own feet and walking, even if it was with the assistance of a brace, looked more natural to Kakeru, and Haiji’s expression brightened ever so slightly; Kakeru could feel Haiji felt the same.
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Haiji was not well prepared for how weather would effect his knee.
A few weeks had passed since getting his brace, he returned to classes, started his exercises, and helped doing minimal chores around Aotake to get additional exercise. Currently, the weather had took a turn and it had been raining the passed three days, on the first day, Haiji’s knee felt a bit tight and at worst uncomfortable. Now, his knee felt like it was on fire and had a ten-pound weight tied to it, he took to laying in bed and icing it, but nothing was helping.
A few knocks wrapped against his door and a familiar voice called out, “Haiji-san, can I come in? Are you okay?”
Kakeru…
“Yeah, come in.” Haiji responded and the door opened.
Kakeru took in the sight of the utterly miserable Haiji and was at his side in a second, “What’s wrong? Is it your knee?” his hands rubbed the older man’s knee and he could just feel the tension.
“It’s really tight, it really fucking hurts.” Haiji groaned.
Kakeru took hold of one of Haiji’s hands and kept massaging his knee, he grimaced slightly when Haiji’s nails pierced his skin, but he held on. Haiji needed him right now, and he wasn’t going anywhere.
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The following month, Haiji started testing his limits.
He wouldn’t wear his brace at Aotake, only at school and during his exercises. He couldn’t rely on it forever, he wanted to be able to walk on his own accord again, it didn’t have to be perfect, he just wanted to be able to do it.
He made sure no one was nearby or watching when he would, he didn’t want to worry any of them; especially Kakeru.
Haiji was alone in the dorm, everyone else was either out shopping, in class, or hanging out with friends. He managed to climb the stairs to do some sweeping, after finishing the hallway, he felt an ache develop in his knee and decided that was enough for now. He descended the stairs with utmost care, hand clutching the railing with a near death grip, he couldn’t afford to buckle here, he could put all of his progress back with just one misstep.
The sliding door of the genkan opened and in came Kakeru, who all but screamed at the sight of Haiji on the stairs without his brace.
“What are you doing?!” he exclaimed.
Well, there was the scream.
“Kakeru, it’s fine, I can handle it…” Haiji said, waving a hand to try to calm the other, but that’s when his knee tweaked and suddenly all of his weight fell onto it.
Haiji crumpled, buckling under the pressure and before he could even fully register what was happening, he was falling. Kakeru leaped forward, shoes still on his feet, and he managed to catch the half-collapsed Haiji with one arm, the other clung to the railing for stability.
Slowly, Kakeru sat them both down on the stairs, Haiji could feel him shaking against his form, and he himself couldn’t help but release a breath he was unaware he was holding.
“Kakeru?”
“Don’t. I need to calm down first.”
The two sat in silence for a few moments, just holding onto each other and once he felt ready, Kakeru spoke, “What were you thinking?”
“I… I guess I wasn’t, huh?” Haiji chuckled.
Kakeru sucked on his teeth, “This isn’t funny! Do you have any idea what could’ve happened just now?!”
Haiji sighed, “Yes, I do. Look, I wanted to practice doing things without my brace, but it was too early for me to try and that’s my fault. I’m sorry I worried you, but it’s fine.”
“No, it’s not!” Kakeru yelled, “What if it got worse?”
“I’m sorry, Kakeru, but this is still new for me, too.” Haiji admitted.
Kakeru shook his head, “I don’t want you to get hurt again…”
That’s when Haiji finally realized Kakeru was crying. Tears rolled quietly down Kakeru’s flushed cheeks and suddenly, Haiji felt like the biggest asshole in the world.
“Kakeru, I’m sorry… I’m sorry.” Haiji whispered, holding the younger man tighter, running his fingers through his ebony hair.
The other just sniffled, clinging onto Haiji’s shirt with all of his might, “I know you want to get better… I want you to get better, too… But you can’t rush this.”
“I know, I should’ve known better, I’m sorry.” Haiji said.
Haiji couldn’t believe how stupid he was, Kakeru was the one person he didn’t want to worry. The young man was his strength during this whole process: he comforted him, helped him with his therapy, he was always there when he needed him. And this was how he repaid his efforts?
“I’m sorry, I’ll say it as many times as it’ll take to make you feel better. Believe me when I say this, you are the last person I want to hurt over this.” Haiji said, rubbing his thumbs over Kakeru’s tears, wiping them away.
“This isn’t about me…” Kakeru mumbled.
“Right now, it is.” Haiji stated, “I’ve been so self-involved that I wasn’t even paying attention to your feelings.”
Kakeru shook his head, “You need to focus on yourself right now!”
“Yeah, but I can also pay attention to how you feel so you feel secure.”
Kakeru cracked a small smile, “Thank you…”
The two pressed their foreheads together, hands coming together, it had become second-nature to them by this point. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few brief moments and slowly, simultaneously, they leaned forward. Their lips gently met, glossing lightly, and pulled apart just as easily, grins crossed their faces and the two snickered on the stairs.
“Let’s try this again, the right way. Taking things one step at a time.” Haiji said.
Kakeru nodded his head, “Yeah.”
The two pressed their lips together once more and for the first time in weeks, Haiji’s knee felt a little lighter.