Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Of course it’s the first free weekend they have together in weeks that Nursey’s step-mom has her baby.

Of course.

They’ve been out of sync for what feels like forever. Their class schedules this semester don’t match up well and most nights Dex passes out before Nursey even gets back to their room. Living in the Haus is great because there’s a kitchen and there’s laundry and there’s Dex’s boyfriend in the bed across the room from him, but not getting to actually see Nursey makes all of it feel like a waste.

Dex knows it’s not forever. The biggest change in schedule is only recent. Nursey’s on some creative high and has been churning out words like he was created to do it, beautiful poems that make Dex’s face burn when Nursey reads them back to him and thrilling short stories that Chowder raves about and think-piece articles about this or that or the other that Holtz and Rans are sharing with their co-workers. When he’s writing, he’s unavailable, and he’s been writing a lot.

Because of the baby.

Nursey won’t say it’s because of the baby, but Dex isn’t an idiot. He has a very functional brain that can piece things together.

One day, Nursey told Dex his dad invited Nursey (and a guest) home once the baby was born. The next, he asked Dex if he would come with him whenever it happened. The day after that, Nursey dove head first into the creative abyss.

They’re on their way now to New York but Dex wishes he was still in bed.

Dex had a long day himself, and when he’d gotten back to his room last night to see that Nursey was at their shared desk instead of at the library he sighed with relief. After one of the worst tests he’d taken in years he left his class to find a text that he didn’t want to see.

Davey
Call me.

So maybe Dex came out to his mom and his dad and his two younger sisters once he and Nursey started dating last May and they all took it wonderfully. They love Nursey, after all, ever since he drove Dex home to Maine on short notice last year. But Dex never came out to his older brother, Davey, even though it was on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat and Davey wasn’t blind. He’d been deployed for a while with limited social media access and limited communication in general, so Dex didn’t have to really think about it.

But sometime in between Dex coming out and now, Davey got phone access. And Dex had never told him. He’d wanted to. He just hadn’t.

And if people thought Dex was conservative in his views before coming to Samwell, they’ve got no idea what Davey’s like. He’s why Dex was the way that he was. Dex always wanted to impress Davey. But they’d grown distant once Dex started at Samwell, getting into fights more often than not, and basically stopped talking right before Davey went off the grid. So he got out of his bummer of a test to a text that he didn’t want to deal with and he rushed home and Nursey was there, waiting, working.

He’d smiled up at Dex when he entered and Dex leaned back against the door, feeling steadied at once just by having Nursey here. “Hey,” he greeted.

“You’re out of breath,” Nursey said. “Did you run here?”

“No,” he lied. Nursey rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling, and he typed a little bit before his eyes darted back to Dex as though waiting for something else. “I thought you’d be at the library,” Dex said, because that was where Nursey had been retreating to lately.

“Thought about it,” Nursey admitted, “but then I had words and I just had to get them down before I forgot and--here I am.”

“Here you are,” Dex agreed.

“Should I leave?”

Now it was Dex’s turn to roll his eyes. “No, Derek, you shouldn’t leave.”

Nursey slouched back in his seat, his smile growing. “How was your day?” he asked.

“Long. We should get in bed.”

Nursey laughed. “Should we?”

“Yeah.” Dex thought about his phone in his backpack, the text from his brother. “We should stay in tonight. Have a lazy morning tomorrow.” He wanted to talk to Nursey. He wanted to have Nursey for longer than a moment in between. Technically it was Thursday night, but they didn't have practice tomorrow and neither of them had Friday classes. “Thoughts?”

“You’ve always been a better planner than me,” Nursey answered. He rolled his shoulders and Dex slung his backpack off of his own before crossing the room to his boyfriend.

“Now or later?” Dex asked, resting his hands on Nursey’s shoulders. He smiled as Nursey leaned into his touch, melting backwards against him. “I’m a big fan of now.”

“I’ve still got some writing to do,” Nursey said.

Dex was good with his hands, he always had been. It was why things like tinkering and typing came naturally to him. He dug his thumbs into just the right spot and pushed forward and Nursey exhaled a noise that made Dex’s stomach warm. He turned, then, pressing a kiss to the inner stretch of Dex’s arm.

“Nurse,” Dex exhaled.

“Five minutes,” he murmured.

Dex twisted his wrists to change the angle and massaged Nursey’s shoulders from a different spot. Nursey pressed his forehead against Dex’s forearm, all his breaths out deep and satisfying.

“You have all weekend to write,” Dex responded. Come be with me for now.

“Mm. Will,” Nursey whispered, “let me get this thought down. Then I swear I’m yours.”

Dex pulled his hands back and Nursey twisted so he could face him head on. “I just miss you,” Dex said, and immediately regretted it.

First because he didn’t want Nursey to feel guilty for writing, but also because there was nothing to miss. They literally shared a bedroom. They ate meals together. They did homework together. They went to practice together. They made out, all the time. Just because they hadn’t shared a bed in a few weeks didn’t give Dex grounds to miss him.

But Nursey reached out, grabbed Dex’s hand, and tugged it toward his lips to kiss his knuckles. “Five minutes,” he said again.

Dex let him get back to work typing away while he readied for bed. When it was time to crawl in, he hesitated. They’d been doing this for months but lately he’d been worrying about a lot of things. Like--did Nursey care which bed they slept in when they were together? And were statements like I miss you okay? Eventually, comfort won out, and Nursey’s bed was way comfier than his own, so Dex moved to his side of the room.

It was more than five minutes but less than ten when Nursey finally climbed into bed.

“You miss me?” Nursey chirped as he crept over Dex’s body, but it was slow and warm like syrup and Dex felt it in every stretch of his skin. “Baby, you don’t need to miss me,” Nursey whispered before leaning in. “I’m always just right here.” Dex closed his eyes for the kiss and groaned as Nursey rocked into him, shifting it into something dirty. He slipped his tongue into Dex’s mouth and this was exactly what he’d been missing.

Stealing kisses between classes and sending texts intermittently throughout the day was nothing compared to actually having time to be together.

He reached for Nursey’s shirt and dragged his hands across his chest as he pulled it up and over his head. Nursey was smiling as they threw it on the floor together, something fond in his eyes that made Dex feel two shades too warm. Nursey was always like this. Too devastatingly hot and too overwhelmingly sweet all at once. Dex could hardly handle it.

But when Nursey kissed his way across Dex’s jaw, up toward his ear and whispered, “I miss you too,” like he actually understood what Dex meant, God, he’d give anything to hold himself in that feeling for the rest of his life.

After, when Nursey fell asleep sprawled out across him, Dex was deliriously happy.

But then he woke up in the middle of the night to a phone ringing, and then Nursey’s rough response, and then a light, and then, “Jesus, Nurse,” Dex groaned, trying to cover his eyes. He knew his boyfriend was a bit of a klutz but did he have to be so fucking loud? “What are you doing?” When there was no response he added, “Come back to bed.”

It had been so long since they were just together. Sleeping in past the sunrise. Dex had some stuff he maybe wanted to talk about and a morning in bed would be perfect for it. Just the right amount of sleepiness to be vulnerable and open while still being serious. Perfect for conversations that Dex was afraid to have.

But still, no answer.

Dex finally cracked open his eyes enough to find Nursey haphazardly stuffing a duffle bag with clothes using the light of his iPhone to see. Dex frowned. “The baby's coming,” Nursey said, and Dex heard it. The shake in his voice. “I’ve gotta--” he gestured vaguely.

Dex was not going to get his easy morning with Nursey.

“You weren’t gonna wake me?” Dex muttered, climbing out of Nursey’s bed. He’d had his own bag packed for weeks.

Liz, Nursey’s step-mom, had been due for a while but they didn’t want to induce her if they could help it. Nursey was, almost always, stressed about it. Dex had listened to many rambles over the past couple of weeks, all of which ended with him saying, “But it’s totally chill.”

Now Dex sat on the edge of Nursey’s mattress for a minute, rubbing his eyes. “You can hit the overhead,” he said, annoyed.

Nursey didn’t move. “You don’t have to come.”

“Do you not want me to?” Dex asked. Nursey still didn’t move. The room was full of eerie shadows. The longer Nursey went without answering the more Dex panicked. “Derek?” he finally whispered.

“Of course I want you to come,” Nursey rushed. They’d been talking about it for a while now. “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to. You seem--frustrated.”

“I’m not frustrated I’m tired,” Dex said, pushing himself to his feet. “And I don’t feel like I have to go, I want to. But if you’d rather me not--”

Nursey huffed, crossing the room to him. Awkwardly holding his phone in his hand (with the light still on) he cupped both of Dex’s cheeks and kissed him once. “Please come.”

Dex tugged his face out of Nursey’s grasp. “It’s a long drive,” he said, grabbing Nursey’s bag where he’d left it and starting to fill it as well. Nursey got scattered when he was flustered, even more so half-asleep. He didn’t need to forget things. “We should get going.”

Still. Nursey wasn’t moving. Dex kept shoving things into his bag. Clean clothes. His chargers. If Nursey forgot his laptop he’d probably have a stroke, so Dex tucked that in there as well. He darted into the bathroom to grab their toiletries and returned, Nursey still in the same spot, still holding his flashlight phone.

“Where’re your keys?” Dex asked, slinging his bag over his shoulder and zipping up Nursey’s to toss to him.

“Why?”

“So I can drive.”

Nursey startled. “You can’t drive.”

Dex frowned. “Well you’re not driving.” Nursey was clearly out of it, there was no way he was getting behind the wheel of a car.

“I mean--you can’t drive?” Nursey tried again. “Do you know how?”

“Of course I fucking know how to drive, Derek, you’re the one who’s from New York City. Now where are your goddamn keys?”

“I’ve just never seen you--!”

“Keys!”

Nursey scrambled to grab his keys from his bedside table as they started out of the Haus. He’d murmured apologies as they’d climbed into the car but Dex wasn’t actually mad. He knew that Nursey was worried seeing as he’d put on fucking Bon Iver when Dex told him to play something and he only did that when he was way in his head.

They’re an hour away from the hospital now and Dex is tired. He doesn’t have an affinity for coffee like Nursey does and will drink it if he has to, but Nursey’s barely spoken (and hasn’t slept) the entire ride. A stop feels less important than actually getting there.

The sun is nearly up when Nursey asks, “What if I’m not a good brother?”

Dex knew the conversation was coming. He reaches across the console and rests his hand on Nursey’s knee. At once, Nursey’s hands come up to cover his.

“You will be,” he says. “Kids adore you, Nursey. They flock to you whenever we’ve got those peewee classes. And my sisters think you’re the best.” Nursey stares out the window like he’s looking for a purpose on the other side of the glass. Dex’s heart hurts. Of course Nursey’s worried about being a good brother, but Dex knows this isn’t where most of his anxiety lies. “He invited you,” Dex reminds him, meaning Nursey’s father.

Nursey exhales. “I hate it when you do that.”

“What, know what you’re thinking about?” Dex squeezes his knee. “I’m your boyfriend,” he reminds Nursey, who turns toward him with a smile as Dex says it. He’s not nearly as affectionate as Nursey is, less good with words. Even just calling Nursey his boyfriend has Nursey routinely lighting up like Dex has weaved together paragraphs of poetry to share. “I’m supposed to have some sort of idea what goes on in your head.”

Nursey’s smile slips away as he nods. “Yeah.” He turns back to the window. “I know he invited me. But that doesn’t mean he wants me here.”

“Would you have invited me if you hadn’t wanted me to come with you?” Dex asks.

“C’mon, Will, you know that’s different.”

Dex sighs before tugging his hand off of Nursey’s knee, returning it to the steering wheel. He wishes he was better at talking to Nursey about Nursey’s family. It’s just--not Dex’s experience. And if he thinks about Nursey’s situation for too long, he gets angry. Dex was a pain in the ass growing up and his family still loved him endlessly, no matter what.

Nursey’s dad is a sack of shit.

Dex hasn’t met her Nursey’s mother seeing as she moved to the Arizona after she and Nursey’s father got divorced to refocus more on her career, but they did chat on FaceTime once. The distance makes it hard for her and Nursey to connect sometimes but she tries her best, and Dex knows that she loves her son. Any time they chat Nursey’ll return to Dex with brighter smiles and stories that make Dex’s bones sing. Nursey misses her terribly, though he pretends he doesn’t, and Dex knows it’s because she’s the person who gave him so much of his warmth.

Dex hasn’t met Nursey’s father yet either. But he’s less excited to meet Landon Nurse. He might have some redeeming qualities about him, but if that’s true Dex has yet to discover any. Toward the end of last year he went months without calling Nursey, and no matter how okay with it Nursey said he was, Dex could see him fraying.

When he finally called he’d blamed it on his wife’s pregnancy, saying it was complicated, and had called Nursey because things were finally in the clear. But he couldn't even send a fucking text? 

Dex really fucking hates the guy. He’s inconsistent and makes Nursey doubt himself and apparently has never told Nursey that he loves him. Like, even when he was a kid. Which is kinda fucked up, Dex thinks.

But Dex is trying to be supportive about them being in one another’s lives more because that's what Nursey wants.

“He’s not shy about how he feels regarding anything else,” Dex says, gripping the steering wheel to keep his tone in check. “If he didn’t want you to come, he wouldn’t have invited you.”

“I guess.”

Dex sighs.

When they get to the hospital Nursey calls his dad but he doesn’t answer. His mouth quirks to the side like he’s trying to hide a look of concern but it’s written in the dip between his eyebrows.

“Hey,” Dex leans across the console, and almost as though knowing why he’s leaning in, Nursey meets him halfway for a kiss. “I’ll park. You go in. Okay?”

Nursey nods. “Okay.” He kisses Dex again, reaching up with his hand to cup Dex’s cheek. “I’m really glad you came,” he murmurs.

Dex kisses him another time because he can’t help himself and Nursey pulls back with a smile. Dex considers kissing him once more, but before he can Nursey climbs out and starts for the entrance. If his dad doesn’t fucking find him, Dex is going to be so pissed.

It takes a little bit to find a parking spot, and when he does he checks his phone before climbing out.

Nursey
welp can you come get me from the front
they’ll be home later they just want us to go to the house

Dex is gonna fucking kill the guy.

Dex
Be right there.

When Dex makes it back to the entrance of the hospital, Nursey’s got his arms wrapped around himself like he’s trying to give himself a hug. The second he spots the car he drops his arms back to his sides and Dex clenches his jaw to keep himself from saying something rude.

“Sorry,” Nursey murmurs as he climbs in.

“Don’t be. Address?”

Nursey taps it into his phone and props it up in the clip so Dex can follow the directions on his own instead of Nursey reading them out. Which is probably good, because Nursey continues to be distracted and Dex is buzzing with rage and would definitely say something he would regret. It’s only another half hour or so, but the rest of the ride is quiet.

When they arrive, Dex is… overwhelmed.

It’s a nice place. Dex knew it would be. He knew that Nursey lived in a brownstone in Manhattan. But it’s nice. It’s not even like, a shitty brownstone. It’s well kept and clean and looks like it could be on Gossip Girl (Dex’s sisters made him watch all of it one summer and it was iconic). Nursey grabs his bag from the back of the car, still silent, and hurries through the gate out front so he can key in.

Dex’s phone starts buzzing in his pocket.

To see Davey calling him makes him panic, and he quickly hits ignore.

“You gonna wait for me or not?” Dex calls before Nursey pushes the door all the way open.

Nursey glances over his shoulder and makes a face that might be sheepish, but is more grimace-y than anything. “Sorry.” Dex grabs his own bag and then follows after his boyfriend, reminding himself not to gawk.

It’s just. Nursey comes from money. Dex doesn’t. And money is always and always will be incredibly important to Dex in ways that it isn’t to Nursey. It shows up in so many places. Dex’ll mention that their room seems dark and Nursey will just… buy them a lamp. Or they’ll go out to breakfast together and Nursey will just give his card without asking. 

When he enters the Nurse household, he doesn’t expect it to be as empty as it is.

It’s beautiful, but it barely feels lived in. There aren’t any photos on the walls that Dex can spot, and the couch looks stylish but uncomfortable. There’s lots of open space and open light but the air is stale. The kitchen is spotless, the stainless steel fridge has nothing hung upon it.

His phone buzzes in his pocket again.

Davey
One Missed Call & One New Voicemail

“Fuck,” Dex mutters, looking down at his phone.

Nursey spins to look over his shoulder at him. “I know it’s a lot,” Nursey says quickly, almost like he’s in pain. Dex looks up, confused. “It’s not like your house,” Nursey rushes on awkwardly. “There’s too much space here and we both know it. There’s no reason for it.”

“Nurse, it’s fine.” Dex has made his missteps before and he’s not letting this weekend be one of them. He strides for Nursey at once, shoving his phone back into his pocket so he can reach out and grab him. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, none of it needs an explanation. It’s just a house.” He squeezes his fingertips. “Besides, you don’t even really live here.”

Nursey tugs him a step closer, his eyes on Dex’s mouth. “Never really have,” he admits.

Dex presses in for a kiss, kind of relieved that they’re by themselves. “Your dad cool with us sharing a room?” he asks, and Nursey’s face shifts like he remembers they’re alone.

“He’ll be chill,” Nursey murmurs, kissing him again. “C’mon.” He turns and pulls Dex along with him through the house. For New York, it has space, but Dex wouldn’t say it’s too much. Nursey takes them into a room and shuts the door behind them. “This is me,” he says.

It’s a decent space. There’s lots of light pouring in through the window and lots of plants along the windowsill that someone must still be watering while Nursey’s at school, seeing as they’re thriving. The bed looks newly changed and there’s a small, surprisingly tidy desk in the corner. Above it are some honors that Dex can’t quite make out from a distance but he’s pretty sure are writing related.

“Did you grow up here?” Dex asks, dropping his bag to the ground but keeping close to Nursey’s side.

“No, we lived in an apartment in Brooklyn for a while. That’s really what I think of when I think of home. Dad bought this place right before the divorce was final. And then I went to Andover.” Nursey’s eyes drift to the bed before he turns back to Dex. “It’s still early,” he says gently. “We can still have our lazy morning?”

Dex exhales a soft laugh before dropping his forehead to Nursey’s shoulder. He can’t very well talk about his own issues right now. Davey can wait.

“I might need a nap,” he says.

Nursey’s hands glide up Dex’s back, firm and sure. “Yeah, okay.”

Dex hesitates. “Lay with me?” he asks.

Nursey smiles. “I can try,” he answers gently. “Too twitchy. Don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.”

“That’s fine,” Dex says. “Why don’t you write? I grabbed everything--charger too.” Nursey’s smile slips and he hangs his head. “No? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Nursey says, but he doesn’t sound like himself. “Yeah, maybe I’ll write.”

Dex pulls back to really look at him. “Derek.”

He shakes his head a little, exhaling sharply before moving to sit on the edge of the mattress. Nursey lowers his head into his hands, his elbows on his knees. “I don’t know. Being here always gives me massive writer’s block.”

Dex sits beside him. “What about that piece you were working on last night?” he asks as he kicks his shoes off. “Anything from that still speaking to you?” Nursey looks up and over at him, the beginnings of a smile finding his face again. “Yeah?”

“You’ll think it’s stupid,” Nursey tells him. He laughs a little, strained. “And it is.”

“The thing you were working on?” Dex asks. He’s pretty much a fan of everything that Nursey’s produced. Maybe he doesn’t always understand the symbolism or whatever but Nursey has a way with words that makes Dex feel like he’s staring at an open sky. So he doubts that he’ll think whatever Nursey’s working on is stupid. “What is it?”

Nursey hesitates. There’s a smile on his face that he’s forcing but his eyes are dark.

“It’s a children’s story.” Nursey looks down, finally cracking. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Dex reaches up to frame his face. He wishes, so badly, that he was better at this. Nursey deserves so much better than this.

“I do,” he whispers. “And it’s not stupid.”

Nursey nods but it still looks like he’s in pain. “Actually can we lay together?” he rasps.

Dex shifts on the bed, moving to the far side so Nursey can kick off his shoes before climbing in. They don’t get under the blankets but they pull each other close, nose to nose, arms and legs tangled together in a comfortable mess. They stay like that a moment until Nursey wiggles, shifting down so he can bury his face near Dex’s neck.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Nursey murmurs. Dex can feel his words against his skin. “I don’t know how he always does this. I don’t know why I get my hopes up.”

Dex’s fingers skirt around the base of his neck. “Because you love him,” Dex says. “And you want it to be different.”

There’s a long pause before Nursey whispers, “Yeah.” Dex pulls him closer. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “This is such a bummer.”

“Being with you’s never a bummer, Nurse.” He doesn’t want to get angry about Nursey’s dad again so he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, trying to let it go. “We only just got here,” Dex offers. Another deep breath. He is really fucking tired. “When’ll they be here?”

“He said sometime this evening,” Nursey whispers.

That’s good. It gives them a little bit of time to settle in at the house and maybe for Nursey to ease in a little. They’ll order something for lunch and maybe Dex can get some work done and check in with his family to see if they’ve heard anything from Davey and it’ll be fine. Everyone will be fine.

“Will you break up with me if I accidentally punch your dad in the face?” Dex whispers back, sleep beginning to drag him down.

Nursey exhales a laugh which warms Dex to his core. “No. But please don’t do that.”

“I’m really gonna try.”

“I know.”

When Dex wakes up he’s alone in bed. He reaches out on instinct and finds the other side of the bed cold meaning Nursey must’ve left him some time ago. The door to the room is cracked and the house is still quiet so the happy new parents must not be home yet.

Dex fumbles for his phone and opens his Frogs text thread first.

Chowder
Um HELLO where ARE YOU GUYS
?????
nursey your location is in new york is ur step mom having the baby???
i went to your room and YOU WEREN’T THERE

Nursey
yes she is having the baby
or well the baby has been had

Chowder
all the noise i heard this morning Wasn’t sex then
Cait owes me $$

Nursey
we had to get our stuff sorry if we woke you

Chowder
Omg don’t even worry about it
how are you doing???
where’s Dex is he driving or something??

Nursey
i’m on my third cup of coffee so i’m either perfectly fine or about to die
dex is asleep in my bed he drove us here

Chowder
(parks and rec voice) HE DROVE US HERE

Nursey
hahahaha
i love you dude

The messages are from a while ago, Dex realizes once he checks the time, and if Nursey was already on his third cup of coffee God only knows what cup he’s on now.

He flings himself out of bed and into the rest of the house and finds Nursey on the couch, his laptop propped up as he types away. There’s an empty coffee mug on a table near him and he looks up when he hears Dex, smiling a little.

“Morning sleeping beauty,” Nursey greets.

“How much coffee did you have?” he rasps.

“Just a pot, it’s fine.”

Dex shakes his head a little and crosses the room to him. He bends down once he reaches Nursey so he can kiss him on top of his head before moving to sit down. “Did you eat real food too I am hoping?”

“...Yes?” Dex settles down on the other end of the couch (and it’s a weirdly long couch so he’s actually farther from Nursey than he would prefer) and waits for an elaboration. When he doesn’t give him one, Dex stretches across the couch and nuduges Nursey with his foot. “I had snacks.”

“What are snacks?”

“Almonds.”

“So let’s get real food,” Dex murmurs, pulling up his phone so he can browse for something. “Do you have a favorite pizza place or something we could order from? Or--”

“You know it’s problematic when you call it real food as though the things I eat don’t have value.”

“You cannot sustain yourself on an entire pot of coffee and a handful of almonds, Derek.”

“It’s still real food. Anything I put in my body is better than nothing.” Dex arches an eyebrow at him over his phone and Nursey bends, smiling sheepishly. He won’t cave even though he knows what Dex means, and Dex certainly is not going to let Nursey keep making this stupid argument, but Nursey knows that and speaks before Dex can verbally flick him on the forehead. “There’s a place a few blocks over we could walk to,” he says. “If you want to stretch your legs.”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Dex likes New York City.

He’s only been a few times but there’s something about all of Nursey’s stories that make him feel like he already knows these streets.

He likes New York City even more with Nursey’s hand in his own.

He’s not super big on public affection, even holding hands in public isn’t really Dex’s favorite thing to do, but he’s giving Nursey absolutely everything he can to make this trip easier on him. If that’s holding hands, then Dex is holding some hands.

Nursey rambles on as they walk, pointing out alleys he’s smoked weed in and graffiti art that he writes into his original work when he can. Dex could see himself ending up in a city like this, and that’s a weird thought. That he could end up in a city. Especially when he thinks about his tiny town back home.

But he really thinks New York might be one of them. There’s lots of work he could do almost anywhere with his degree (that’s why he’s getting that degree, so he can make hella money in a field with a lot of jobs) and Nursey might want to move back, which--

Dex almost stumbles, turning to look at his boyfriend quickly.

This is the first time Dex has considered the future at large with Nursey in it so offhandedly. Like--he’s thought about his future of course. And being with Nursey. But never has he kind of put them together in the sense that Dex would move somewhere to stay with him.

Would he? He just had that thought, so he clearly would. Right? But Dex has never had someone like that. And what if he doesn’t want to be in New York after all? Or what if--

“Here we are,” Nursey announces, arriving at the pizza place.

It isn’t busy because it’s right before the lunch rush so after placing their order they easily settle into a booth. Nursey reaches across the table to grab Dex’s hands and Dex lets him, trying not to think too hard on his sudden though spiral from literally five minutes ago. Nursey’s looking at him with these soft fond eyes and it’s making Dex’s chest warm. He can feel his blush creeping up his neck.

“Did you get some writing done?” Dex asks.

“Little bit.”

“What about sleep?” Dex wonders.

Nursey puckers his lips a little to hide his smile. “I did not, no. But! That means I’ll probably sleep really well tonight.” He lifts Dex’s hands to press a kiss to his knuckles. “My friends and I would always come here when we got super baked,” Nursey tells him.

He recounts a story about one of his summers, Dex following along a lot better than he expects to, before their food finally arrives. Between eating Nursey manages to keep telling his stories and even through a full mouth Dex loves to listen. While maybe Nursey doesn’t feel super connected to his house or his dad, there are places all over the city that Nursey calls his home. Apparently this pizza shop is one of them and the fact that he brought Dex here feels like an honor.

The food's delicious but Dex honestly wouldn’t even care if it was garbage because at least Nursey is putting more than almonds in his stomach. They easily eat their way through a pizza (half with pineapple, half without) before devouring their way through some ribs.

At one point Dex’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he ignores it for as long as he can before checking once they're cleaning up and finding a text from his sister.

Katie
you still haven’t talked to davey??!?!

Will
I’m in NYC with Derek right now

Katie
?????????????????????
and yet you are texting me back
which means you can text davey

Will
I’ll call him later

When Dex looks up Nursey’s looking at him suspiciously. “Katie,” Dex tells him.

“How’s my favorite Poindexter?” Nursey asks with a smile.

“I’m doing great, thanks.” Nursey rolls his eyes but his smile grows. “I’m telling Becca you called Katie your favorite.”

“Oh my God,” Nursey’s smile slips. “Please don’t do that. I love both of your sisters equally.”

“And more than me, apparently.”

Dex is only joking, he knows he’s Nursey’s favorite, obviously, but Nursey reaches across the table to grab his hand. “Will,” he starts softly.

“I’m kidding,” Dex rushes, already feeling his face burning. He can’t start talking about love with Nursey in the middle of this pizzeria.

“You better be,” Nursey pushes.

Dex’s face is still hot but something cold settles in his stomach. Nursey never lets Dex doubt how much he cares about him even for a second. The moment Dex starts to worry Nursey’s there with the perfect words, the most comforting looks. He can ease Dex’s anxiety in a moment.

Dex is shit at doing the same for Nursey.

It’s like any time Dex wants to be soft or romantic or kind he feels this giant block there which makes him he’s being an idiot. It’s not natural for him. Everything he does for Nursey is a very clear cut choice that he has to intentionally make because if not, he’s worried Nursey will think he doesn’t care.

And he does.

So much.

When they get back to Nursey’s place, Nursey’s dad is back.

Dex wants to fight him on sight.

Nursey hurries forward, fumbling with the keys in his hands once he realizes that people are home. “I thought you said this evening,” he calls into the house.

“Oh, Derek! Is that Derek?”

Dex follows after Nursey quickly, watching as he scans the room until he finds who he’s looking for. His step-mom Liz is propped up on the couch and looks surprisingly well rested for someone who just gave birth. Or maybe she's been okay for a while? Dex doesn't know a lot about birth but he thought that once it happened the mother needed to lay down for a while. There’s a little bassinet beside her in which Dex can only assume the baby is sleeping in.

“Hey, Liz,” Nursey greets, as she’d been the one calling for him. She has blonde hair that’s been tied up in a very graceful bun and she’s smiling at Nursey like she’s actually very happy to see him. “Sorry I couldn’t come up earlier,” he murmurs.

“No, no, it’s fine! Come here!” She holds open her arms for him and Nursey crosses the room quickly. "Doctor wants me to rest as much as I can." He bends down so he can give her a hug and by the time he’s standing, Landon Nurse is in the room. This is Dex's first time seeing him. Dex stupidly assumed that because Landon is white, he wouldn't be able to see any of Nursey in him, but that isn't true. They hold themselves the same way, and the default bitch face that Landon has on his face is the same one Nursey wears when he's pissed. He has a glass of water that he takes straight to Liz, hardly acknowledging Nursey in the meantime. Dex grits his teeth. “I’m so happy you’re here,” Liz says when Nursey pulls back. “Aren’t we so glad to see him, Lan?”

“Hello Derek,” Landon greets.

“Hi Dad.” Nursey looks back to Liz. “How’re you feeling? Everything went okay?”

“Oh, easy as all get out,” she says, waving her hand a little. “I’ve had cramps worse than that before!”

“That sounds awful,” Nursey says, but it looks like he’s starting to smile.

“And who is this?” Landon asks, looking toward Dex.

“This is my boyfriend,” Nursey says. He motions Dex forward. “Will, c’mere.”

Boyfriend. How is it always so easy for Nursey?

Dex steps forward trying not to think about what a shitty boyfriend he is, how he couldn’t even call Nursey his boyfriend to his face for a few months, how even though his family knows that he and Nursey are dating Dex still won’t call Nursey his boyfriend to them.

“I didn’t know that you were seeing someone,” Landon says, eyes shifting as though he suddenly has the right to have an opinion on Dex. Which he doesn’t. Even if it’s a good one.

“I didn’t think you cared,” Nursey says, and he sounds so small when he says it that Dex knows he means it. He’s not trying to be a petulant child or guilt trip his father, he just genuinely didn’t think his dad wanted to know. “And you told me I could bring someone, so.”

“Sir,” Dex says in greeting.

“Will,” Landon returns with a simple head nod.

“I’ve seen those Instas,” Liz says, holding up her arms like she wants Dex to come to her. “I’m a hugger so you have to come here!” Dex shifts his gaze to Nursey who still looks a little stunted before he moves to her. “I’m so happy to meet the boy Derek’s always posting about,” she says as Dex leans down to hug her.

Nursey blinks a few times before asking, “What?”

Liz gives good hugs. It reminds him of his own mom and brings a sudden smile to Dex’s face. It feels vastly out of place but something about this moment also feels really, really good.

“I remember when we almost came up for parents weekend,” Liz rambles on while Dex pulls back. “I knew there were three people I wanted to meet.” She holds up a finger. “Your Captain, that little baker who’s always posting about his pies.” Another finger. “That incredible goalie you’re always going on about.” Liz softens, looking to Dex. “And you.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Dex tells her, and he really means it.

Nursey seems to be frozen beside Dex. “I… didn’t know you almost came up for parents weekend,” he finally says. Dex is more confused as to how Liz seems to know a lot about Nursey’s life without talking to Nursey at all, but whatever Nursey latches onto is clearly more important.

“We had the car loaded and everything,” Liz tells him. “We were going to surprise you!” Dex watches Nursey’s eyes narrow in his father’s direction. “But then we got hit with that storm,” Liz says, “Right, Lan?”

“It wasn’t safe to drive,” Landon says. “And by the time it was we’d already missed the game.”

Nursey shakes his head at once. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What does it matter?” Landon asks.

Nursey’s face goes scary neutral and Dex reaches for him on instinct, lacing their fingers together in what he tries to make seem as casual as possible.

“Sometimes it uh, really is the thought that counts,” he says quietly. Dex squeezes his fingers and Nursey clears his throat before looking back to Liz. He coughs another time before directing his attention toward the bassinet. “Is she in here?” he asks, pointing with his freehand without actually looking.

“No, she’s sleeping in our room,” Liz says. “We only just got in. She cried the whole ride! Passed out the second we put her down. We’re just prepared for when we want to bring her out here. I can’t wait to see you two together!”

Nursey seems overwhelmed so Dex squeezes his hand again.

It’s a pretty weird afternoon.

Nursey seems like he’s mostly in a haze so Dex does a lot more talking than he’s prepared himself to do. Liz is like a puppy and a ball of sunshine rolled into one human and she has energy and enthusiasm like Dex can’t even believe. How she ended up with Nursey's dad, who disappears almost immediately after they arrive saying he has work in his office to do, Dex really wants to know. They sit with Liz and talk well into the evening.

She’s great. Like, seriously. Nursey never mentioned how great she is.

“So you follow Derek on Instagram?” Dex asks at one point, and Liz lights up like she’s excited to talk about it.

“Well I made one so I could post pictures of the cookies we decorate at my bakery,” she says. “And I followed Derek because he was linked in my contacts, I guess?”

“You own a bakery?” Dex asks. “Or work at one?”

“Oh, it’s mine and my sister’s!”

Dex elbows Nursey. “Does Bitty know this?” he asks.

Nursey ducks his head a little. “I didn’t know this,” Nursey murmurs. “I thought you taught at the university?”

“A little teaching, a little baking, a little travel. Whatever I’m feeling,” she says.

Ah, to have money.

“I must not have realized it was you,” Nursey tries to explain. “If the account was tied to a bakery. Or I would’ve followed you back.”

Liz asks about hockey and about the team and about classes and about their relationship and Nursey eases up some too. Maybe it’s better that his dad’s stepped out. Nursey doesn’t talk about Liz a lot but mostly Dex thinks it’s because he doesn’t really know her. She and Nursey’s dad allegedly had a whirlwind romance and Nursey had only really met her three or four times before the wedding and has only seen her a handful of times since.

The first time the baby cries, Liz goes off to feed her and asks if they’d like to come meet her. Nursey panics and blurts, “I’m not ready.”

“I totally get it,” Liz says. The baby is still wailing.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Nursey rushes, eyes toward where the baby has been screaming, and--wait, why isn’t Liz just like, holding her child? Whatever, Dex isn’t a parent. He doesn’t know how it works. “I just. Am really nervous?”

“It’s a big change,” Liz says with a smile. “A baby sister! You’re a brother now!” Nursey’s eyes widen in a way that’s almost comical and Liz laughs. “We can wait until tomorrow,” she offers.

The second time the baby cries, Liz tells the two of them that she’s going to sleep. Dex and Nursey excuse themselves to the kitchen to make some dinner while Liz heads off to bed.

Landon has yet to make another appearance.

Nursey keeps glancing over his shoulder like he’s waiting for him to appear. He’s tense, holding all of it in his shoulders. Dex crosses the space to him and rests his hands on Nursey’s hips before tugging him closer.

“I like your step-mom,” he says.

Nursey smiles a little though it looks more sad than Dex is expecting it to. “Me too. Can you believe she literally gave birth today?”

“Women are the stronger species,” Dex answers.

Nursey leans in for a kiss. “I like you,” he murmurs, and his smile shifts from something sad to something that makes Dex’s feel like all of this is some soft hazy dream. Still against Dex’s lips, “I’m afraid I’m gonna drop the baby.”

Dex laughs and pushes Nursey back a step, shaking his head. “You’re not gonna drop the baby Derek.” Nursey’s smile only grows. “Liz trusts you.”

“Yeah, I guess.” They decide on pasta because it’s easy to make a large amount of and there’s a lot of cans of sauce in the pantry so it seems like a safe bet.

It isn’t until they’ve finished off the entire pot and cleaned up all the dishes, back in Nursey’s room side by side in bed, does he bring up the baby again.

“Do you think she thinks I’m like, broken because I don’t want to meet her baby?”

“You do want to meet her baby,” Dex says, turning to look at him.

“It’s like, weird, right? What’s wrong with me?”

“You’re just freaking out a little,” Dex offers, which cannot be helpful. He almost winces at how it sounds. But still somehow it makes Nursey smile, and when their eyes meet Dex fees it in his chest. “Don’t think of it like it’s Liz’s baby. Think of it like she’s your sister. You have a sister, Derek!”

“That’s why I’m fucking broken because who doesn’t want to meet their fucking sister?”

Dex drapes his hand over Nursey’s waist and pull him in. “You’re not broken.”

“My dad broke me.”

“Do not even get me started on your dad,” Dex mutters. Nursey sighs, leaning in so he can rest his forehead against Dex’s. “Liz seems…” he hesitates before saying it. But he knows it’ll cheer Nursey up. So. “Chill.” Nursey’s eyes fly open and his smile is back, full force. “It seems like she really likes you,” Dex carries on, trying to stay hopeful. “Like genuinely.”

“Yeah,” he exhales. Nursey takes a deep breath so he can sigh deeply. “Yeah,” he says again. “This is just weird. All of this is weird.”

It’s like their weekend is a disaster of a puzzle with a whole bunch of pieces that don’t quite fit together. Nursey and his dad with their unresolved issues. Nursey and his new sister who he keeps calling the baby instead of her name. Nursey and Liz who seems like a bright spot out of place. Dex in this space, this huge home that doesn’t even feel like a home, being called Nursey’s boyfriend. Dex and Davey.

Davey.

Dex looks away and takes a deep breath of his own. He still hasn’t listened to Davey’s voicemail. He knows listening to it could give him some clarity on how Davey’s feeling, but Dex is terrified. What if he’s pissed?

He’s probably pissed.

Suddenly Nursey asks, “Are you mad at me?”

“Mad at you?” Dex asks, looking back up. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Nursey shrugs. “You seem mad.”

They’re both quiet for a moment as Dex figures out how to respond. He always kind of seems mad. But Nursey’s learned, at least Dex thought he had, that his anger is often misguided and unintentional. If Dex was mad at anyone it’d be Nursey’s father. 

Dex reaches out at once to grab his hands. “I’m not mad at you,” he says, but Nursey won’t meet his eyes.

“We’ve been out of it lately,” Nursey murmurs. “I know we have.” In moments like this it’s harder to remember that the two of them have been struggling to connect lately. “And you wanted the morning, so…”

Dex’s lips part. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I’m just--” his chest feels too warm again, too big. He didn’t realize that Nursey had realized that a morning in bed meant a conversation needed to be had. “Surprised, is all,” he says, looking down.

“Why?”

“That you knew--”

“You like mornings,” Nursey cuts him off gently, his face still etched with worry. “I know you only ask for them if you want to talk about something. That’s why--I said if you didn’t want to come, I mean I don’t know...”

Dex tries to swallow but he’s got a lump in his throat. “It’s nothing bad,” he says. But that might not be true. “At least I don’t…” he shakes his head. “It’s nothing. It isn’t about you. Or us.”

“Something about you, then. Something you want to talk about.”

No.

This weekend isn’t about Dex, it’s about Nursey. Even if he wanted a morning in bed. There’s plenty of time to talk about his problems on another day. “We can figure it out later,” Dex stresses. “Okay?”

Nursey pulls back, looking sad. “Yeah, okay.”

“Derek,” he starts, but Nursey shakes his head. Dex lifts his hands to cup his cheeks. “Derek,” he says again. “It’s not as important as this weekend is for you,” he says, needing Nursey to understand. “It can wait.”

Nursey takes a step closer and rests his forehead against Dex’s. “I trust you,” he murmurs.

Dex leans in to close the distance between them and kisses Nursey as gently as he deserves. When he pulls back, Nursey’s smiling sweetly.

Dex might be in love with him.

He leans in to kiss Nursey another time and Nursey indulges him. He reaches up and slides his fingers into Dex’s hair, tipping his head back just a touch so he can deepen the kiss. Nursey kisses him eagerly, like he needs this just as much as Dex wants it. Nursey takes and Dex lets him, again and again and again.

By the time they’ve both got their shirts off, working on their sweats, Dex knows he should mention something about stopping. The walls here can’t be that thick and Nursey can get loud. But he can’t stop thinking about love and Nursey and how lucky he is that he gets to have this. And Nursey keeps kissing him like he’s trying to say something but can’t get the words right.

“Baby, hey,” Nursey exhales, pulling back suddenly. It takes Dex a moment to swim back to the surface of all of this before he realizes that his phone is buzzing in between them. He fumbles with his pockets until he finds it, his face burning the moment he catches sight of Davey’s name. “You wanna answer that?”

Dex hits ignore.

“No,” he exhales. “I wanna do this.” Nursey grins, leaning in for him again, when Dex’s phone starts buzzing all over again. “Fuck,” he mutters, pulling up the do not disturb option. Dex sets his phone on the side table.

“What is it?”

“Sorry--” Dex rushes. “Sorry. It’s just.” He turns back to Nursey. “It’s home.”

Nursey props himself up on his elbow and smiles sweetly. “Which Poindexter is it this time?” he asks.

Dex hesitates. He really doesn’t want to do this now. He’d much rather kiss Nursey until his mouth forgets there’s another purpose for it. He shouldn’t do this now.

But he can’t lie to Nursey.

“It’s Davey.”

Nursey arches an eyebrow. “I didn’t know he had phone access yet.”

Dex’s eyes dart away. “Me neither.”

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” Nursey asks. “I can handle more than one thing at a time, Will,” he says. “We can talk about Davey.”

“No,” he says firmly. Not because he doesn’t think Nursey can handle it, but because he can’t be selfish like this. Besides, Nursey doesn’t know Davey like Dex does. He’s only heard stories, specific memories that Dex has chosen to share that lessen what a dick he can be. Nursey doesn’t know how bad Davey finding out could end up being. “I want to do this.”

Nursey nods. “Okay.” He reaches for Dex again and the phone is forgotten, Nursey grinding his hips forward, hot and slow. “You want to do this?” Nursey murmurs. He leans in, nipping at Dex’s throat. “We can do this.”

Nursey takes Dex apart bit by bit until he doesn’t know where he is, doesn’t remember his own name or any of the problems that follow him. All of it slow, soft, quiet as to not be overheard.

After, when Dex is trying to regain his sense of self, Nursey climbs of out bed and hits the lights, sending them into darkness. He still has his sweats on, Dex realizes, and he grabs his shirt as he heads for the door.

“Derek?” Dex asks.

“I’m uh,” he hesitates. “I’m gonna go talk to my dad. Or, well. Try.”

Dex sits up a little. “You sure?”

“Go to sleep, babe,” Nursey murmurs.

He slips out the door before Dex can say anything else. Dex sinks into the mattress and lets his eyes drift shut, exhausted. Today was long for him in ways he isn’t used to. Even with his giant nap.

Dex almost lets himself succumb to sleep but instead pushes himself to sit up. He scans the floor for his boxers and leans off the bed to grab them so he can cover himself up. Out of habit he leans over to check his phone and immediately regrets it.

He has another voicemail from Davey as well as a couple of texts.

Davey
William James.
You’re really starting to piss me off.

Chapter Text

When Nursey crawled back in bed a little bit later that night, he seemed okay. Dex asked if he wanted to talk, Nursey scolded him for not being asleep yet, and then they held each other close.

Dex doesn’t know if either of them slept.

Or, no. He knows he fell asleep eventually because he wakes to the sound of the baby crying. Dex doesn’t know when he fell asleep, but to be so rudely awoken from the small bit that he’s gotten doesn’t feel quite fair.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Davey.

The baby keeps wailing so Dex peels open his eyes, frowning, and finds Nursey watching him with a look of joyful exasperation on his face. “Sorry,” Nursey says quietly. “There’s a new baby here.”

Dex rolls his eyes a little but exhales a laugh. “I hadn’t heard,” he rasps.

Nursey presses forward and leans up to kiss Dex’s forehead. “Sleep okay?” Nursey asks.

“Yeah,” he lies. The baby stops crying and Dex lets his eyes drift shut. He slides his hand over Nursey’s waist and just holds him there. “Did you? How did last night go?”

“Sometimes when I talk to my dad I feel like I’m failing a job interview,” Nursey tells him. Dex huffs out another laugh. “The baby’s name is Laura.”

“Laura,” Dex echoes.

“Laura Liz Landon,” Nursey murmurs. “And Derek.” Dex forces his eyes open again, shaking his head a little. He goes to say something but Nursey cuts him off. “It’s fine,” he whispers, but it’s not fine. Dex feels his heart literally constrict in his chest at how sad this makes him. “It’s just a name.”

“I’m sorry babe,” Dex breathes.

Nursey’s mouth quirks to the side, just a little. “It’s not your fault, babe.” Dex puckers his lips to keep his own smile from growing. He’s softer in mornings and the affection slips out. He can’t help himself. Almost as if knowing he’s thinking about how mornings make things easier, Nursey reaches up and traces the pads of his fingers over Dex’s cheek gently. “Do you want to talk about Davey?” he whispers.

Dex shakes his head. “Not really,” he admits. He hooks his ankle with Nursey’s under the covers and edges closer yet again. “It’s not that I plan for mornings,” Dex tells him. He’s thinking about last night again, about Nursey equating a morning together as a serious conversation. “Sometimes it’s just easier to talk then, you know?”

Nursey smiles like he’s writing poetry about the soft and quiet moments that they’ve shared, where the sunlight streams in through the window and warms them in their bed. “Yeah, I know,” he answers. He’s still tracing away, watching where he leads his finger instead of looking at Dex. “I never liked mornings until I had them with you,” he says.

Dex reaches up to catch his wrist and Nursey’s eyes lock with his.

“Sometimes you say things…” Dex trails off, the rest of it getting stuck somewhere in the part of his brain that chooses his words.

“Yeah?” Nursey pushes. He gently tugs his wrist out of Dex’s hold. “Too much?”

“No,” Dex answers. He almost says never, but then what kind of softie would he be? Dex can roll his eyes and shake his head at all the things that Nursey says to him, but it’s never too much.

Nursey eases back a little with a sigh, putting some space between them. The house settles with quiet. “I guess I should actually meet my sister, huh?” Nursey murmurs.

“I’d like to,” Dex admits. “She’s gonna be my accomplice one day so if I get on her good side now it makes it easier for all of us.”

Nursey’s eyes twinkle. ”Your accomplice?” he repeats.

“Yeah, like my sisters and you.”

“She’s a newborn, Will,” Nursey says with a grin. “How long are you planning on keeping me around that my sister will be old enough to torment me with you?”

Dex feels his face burn in a flash. There’s that idea of a future again, a long one that might drift into forever.

“Let’s go meet her,” Dex mutters, climbing out of bed instead of giving Nursey an answer.

They head straight to the kitchen because Nursey insists if he’s going to hold a baby that he should feel more awake than he does, which requires coffee.

Landon’s already there when they arrive but he’s dressed like he’s going to work. “I’ll be back this afternoon,” he says in lieu of greeting. “Try not to make a mess while I’m gone.”

“Did your wife not have a baby yesterday?” Dex finds himself asking, and yes he is going to blame his lack of sleep and not his short temper. “Or am I missing something?”

“Unfortunately, Will,” Landon says on his way out, “I don’t have a job that allows me to take off whenever I’d like.”

“Most people don’t,” Dex responds, trying not to sound annoyed (and failing). “I just figured--”

“I’ll be back this afternoon,” Landon repeats, and then he’s out the door.

Dex rolls his eyes in response, thankful Landon’s already gone. He must look really annoyed which makes Nursey laugh, at least. He crosses the room to Dex and cups his cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Don’t engage,” Nursey exhales.

“Just to be clear though,” Dex murmurs, “he could probably take off if he wanted to?”

“Oh, most definitely,” Nursey agrees. “They don’t need the money and he told me last night that he doesn’t even have any active cases.”

“Maybe he’s panicking now that the baby’s actually here.”

“As much as I want to psychoanalyze everything my father does,” Nursey says, finally stepping back from Dex, “I really don’t want to psychoanalyze everything my father does?”

“Got it.”

They make coffee, Dex even having a cup of his own, and start on eggs when Liz finally joins them in the kitchen. She looks much more tired than she did yesterday but her smile seems genuine.

“Babies,” she says as she enters, “are a lot of work.”

“That’s what I’m told,” Nursey agrees. “Do you want eggs? Can you have eggs?”

“Oh that sounds great,” Liz says, dropping into one of the seats at the table. “Thank you so much, Derek.” She leans back with a smile. “Oh--my God! Is that coffee?” She flies out of her seat at once to make herself a mug. “I forgot I can have coffee!” Liz sets the glass down and hurries over to the fridge, yanking it open. “God, Lan remembered!” She pulls out a container of creamer, the same one that Nursey poured generously into his drink, and holds it close to her chest.

Nursey, frowning, keeps cracking eggs into a bowl to scramble. His frown fades when he watches Liz pour an absurd amount into her drink as well.

“Will hates it when I do that,” Nursey says. “Use all the creamer.”

Dex huffs. “You use the whole container, Derek.”

“What’s it matter to you?” he asks with a smile, turning and pointing at him with an egg yet to be cracked. “You don’t even like creamer. So I can use all of it and it affects you in no way.”

“Your health affects me in no way?” Dex challenges.

Nursey wrinkles his nose, still smiling, and goes back to cracking eggs. “Whatever.” Dex rolls his eyes but he’s smiling too.

The three of them eat breakfast together, enjoying their varying degrees of coffee, until Liz finally asks, “You ready to meet your sister yet?”

Nursey tenses up but nods. “Yeah,” he says. “I am.”

“I’ll clean up,” Dex offers quietly. “You go.”

He gives Liz and Nursey a head start before he actually starts cleaning up. Mostly he just rinses their plates and loads them into the dishwasher, but Landon had muttered about a mess and Dex refuses to give him any reason to say any shit to Nursey at all. But eventually Dex heads after them, pausing in the doorway as to not intrude.

Dex glances inside and catches Nursey staring down at little Laura, his eyebrows furrowed together, and something inside of Dex pulls taut. Meeting new siblings isn’t supposed to bring a look like this to anyone’s face.

“What’re you thinking about?” Liz asks, almost like she's inside Dex's head too. Nursey looks up at her then back down at baby Laura, shaking his head a little. “Derek,” Liz says gently. “I know that your father can be difficult, but… I’m trying.”

“I know,” Nursey rasps. “I don’t want you to think--” his voice is thick. “She’s beautiful Liz,” he says, looking up at his step-mom. He holds his hand to his chest and offers her a smile. “I love her already.”

Liz smiles too. “I wish that we’d told you sooner,” she says. She reaches out and grabs Nursey’s hand with her own. “I wish that I’d reached out to you myself,” she corrects. “Your father…” she tries again. Nursey tugs his hand out of hers and folds his arms over his chest. “I’m just very glad you’re here.”

“It’s nice to be here,” Nursey murmurs. “Really.”

Dex doesn’t want to interrupt so he turns and heads back to Nursey’s room as quietly as he can. He doesn’t want to eavesdrop. And Nursey deserves this space to figure out this new family dynamic without Dex lurking around the corner.

In Nursey’s room, Dex stretches out in a patch of sunlight and grabs his phone from where he left it on Nursey’s side table to check his messages.

Davey
I know about your boyfriend Will just fucking call me already

Nope. No, no way. Not happening. No thank you. Not today, Satan.

He curls in on himself to check some more of his messages. A couple of texts from Chowder, a dozen from his sister, none of which he has the mental capacity to respond to. He sets his phone back on the table.

Dex must fall asleep again because he wakes up when the bed dips and Nursey joins him. He crawls in and drapes his arm over Dex’s waist and Dex turns so he can face him, finding Nursey a little teary-eyed.

“Derek?”

“They’re calling her Danielle.”

It takes his sleep-addled brain a moment to catch up. “What?”

“I thought it was…” he trails off, shaking his head. “It’s Landon and Liz and Laura and Derek. Of all the time to take a fucking L. But--” Nursey laughs and reaches up to swat at his eyes. “They’re calling her Danielle. It's her middle name. After Liz’s mom, or something. She just told me.”

It takes Dex another moment but then he gets it. “Landon and Liz,” he says. “And Danielle and Derek.”

“And Danielle and Derek,” he whispers. He laughs again but Nursey’s definitely teetering on the verge of tears. “I know it’s stupid,” he rushes. “It’s just a name, but--”

Nursey needs to feel included, especially in his own family. Liz gave that to him whether it was intentional or not. 

“Liz like, super loves you,” Dex tells him.

“I know,” Nursey rasps. “Isn’t that fucking awesome?”

“It’s really fucking awesome,” Dex agrees with a grin.

Nursey shifts in bed, wiggling down so he can bury his face in Dex’s neck. “I still haven’t held her,” he admits. “I thought you were coming to join us.”

Dex lifts his hands to hold Nursey’s closer. “It seemed like a moment I didn’t need to be part of.”

“I want you in all my moments, Will.” Dex bends down and presses a kiss to the top of Nursey’s head. “I feel bad,” Nursey tells him. “Things with my dad are always such shit that I’ve always assumed things with Liz would be more of the same. But she’s so great. She like, wants to know me.”

Which to Dex implies that Nursey’s dad doesn’t want to know him. Which makes Dex angry.

But he says, “You’re a great person to know. I’m not surprised.”

“Mmm, keep saying nice things to me,” Nursey hums. “I love when you say nice things to me.”

Dex’s smile lingers. “You’re really brave too,” he says softly. “Because your dad is the way that he is and you still came. Resilient.”

He feels Nursey chuckle and his breath is warm against Dex’s skin. “And handsome.”

“Yes, Derek,” Dex says fondly. “You’re very handsome.”

“Thank you,” Nursey whispers. The teasing tone in his voice is gone and he’s much softer now, achingly quiet. “For everything, Will. Being here. I’m so fucking happy that you’re here.” He pulls back a little so he can look Dex in the eyes and Nursey shakes his head, just a little, like he can’t even believe that Dex is here. “I know that this is a lot.”

“It’s really not,” Dex tells him softly. Not for the first time, Dex wishes he was better with words. “You’re my boyfriend. I want to be here for you.”

Nursey kisses him gently. “Thank you,” he says again. “Should we nap?”

“Yeah,” Dex murmurs. “We should nap.”

They don’t wake to the baby crying, but rather the front door slamming shut. And then the baby crying.

Followed quickly by Liz shouting, “Seriously, Landon?”

Nursey laughs which makes Dex laugh too. Not for the first time Dex is left wondering how someone like Liz ended up with someone like Landon, especially seeing how different they are. But then he thinks of him and Nursey and how different they are too and decides it's none of his business how Liz and Landon found each other. They stay in bed, mostly asleep but not really saying anything, before Dex’s stomach growls and Nursey suggests they get something to eat.

Dex leaves his phone on the side table again. He and Nursey head back out into the living room where they find Landon holding the baby against his chest and rocking her gently. He looks up when Nursey and Dex enter the room but says nothing, instead redirecting his attention to Danielle. Liz is on the couch, browsing her phone, and smiles at the boys when she sees them.

“We’re ordering for lunch,” she says. “Our treat. You two craving anything?”

“Whatever you’re feeling we can make work,” Nursey tells her. He looks to his dad. “How was work?”

“Fine,” Landon answers. Dex tries very hard not to react. It’s like pulling teeth to get the guy to fucking say anything of substance. “Liz, honey, what about that new Mexican place you kept wanting to try?” He darts into the kitchen, still holding his child, and returns with a paper menu. “I picked this up when I walked past the other day.”

“Ooh!” Liz reaches for the menu with a smile. “Thanks, Lan! You boys good with Mexican?”

“Mexican sounds great,” Dex tells her.

Landon continues to hold Danielle even once she falls asleep against his chest. Dex and Nursey settle down on the couch with Liz while Landon makes weird laps with the baby, not really engaging with them but still lingering in the area so it makes it seem like he’s part of the conversation. It isn't until Liz brings up Nursey's most recent publication ("I read it every night for a week!") does Landon drift into another room.

"He doesn't read the things I write," Nursey murmurs, eyes following where his father went.

"Well I do," Liz tells him. Nursey ducks his head in response, his eyes welling up with tears. Whether it's because Liz has read some of his writing or that Landon won't, Dex can't be sure. "And you're brilliant with words, Derek. You could make a career out of it!" 

"Maybe," he agrees.

When the food arrives Nursey hops up to answer the door because he doesn’t want his dad to have to do it while he still has the baby and after putting Danielle down to sleep the four of them gather to eat their food. Liz keeps most of the conversation going and Dex tries his hardest not to glare in Landon’s direction, but he has a lot of pent up anger at the guy and he’s not doing a lot to make Dex change his mind about him. Under the table, Nursey rests his hand on Dex’s knee as though telling him not to say anything.

They’re nearly finished when Nursey’s phone starts to ring. He almost ignores it but when he spots the name his eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“Who is it?” Dex asks.

He shakes his head but answers it anyway, hurrying out so he can take the call by himself. “Hello?”

He’s too far out of the room for Dex to hear the voice that responds, but he looked worried to see whoever was calling, so Dex can’t help but worry a little. To keep himself busy he helps Liz clean up their plates (despite her protest) before going off to find Nursey.

They run into each other in the hallway, Nursey’s family still in the room over. “Everything okay?” Dex asks.

“It was Katie,” Nursey tells him.

Dex’s stomach drops. “My sister Katie?”

“Yeah. She was worried about you because you haven’t been answering her.”

“Katie should learn that having a phone does not require me to be constantly available to her every hour of the day,” Dex returns, a little sharp.

Nursey arches an eyebrow. “Okay, so,” he takes a step back, gesturing to Dex vaguely. “This attitude is about Davey and not Katie, right?”

Dex takes a step back too, frustrated. He glances over his shoulder like someone’s listening in. “She shouldn’t have called you,” Dex grumbles.

“Okay, but she did.” Dex folds his arms over his chest, not knowing what to say. “Will…” Nursey starts. But he glances over Dex’s shoulder too, and soon he’s dragging Dex back into his room. “You should’ve told me you were legitimately worried about things with your brother,” Nursey says once they shut the door.

“I was going to,” Dex insists. “Later! This weekend is already--”

Nursey cuts him off, “I told you I can handle more than one thing at a time!”

“Well maybe I can’t!” Dex turns away from his boyfriend and paces the small space of the room. He spots his phone still face down on Nursey’s bedside table and feels his stomach continue to roll. “I don’t want to deal with Davey right now,” he chokes out.

“He’s your brother,” Nursey reminds him.

“It doesn’t matter.” Dex turns back to Nursey and looks at him for a long time before speaking again. “He knows about us and I’m afraid of what he’ll say,” Dex whispers. “I know he’ll be angry.” He can’t look at Nursey. Nursey, who’s always so proud to show Dex off. Nursey, who greets every uncomfortable situation with a smile whether it be forced or not. Nursey, who loves fearlessly like it’s all he’s been taught to do, even when the opposite is true. “I’m afraid he won’t… want me in his life anymore,” Dex says.

Nursey grabs both of his hands. “Will, look at me.”

“And I know what you’re gonna say,” Dex says, still not looking at him. He tugs his hands out of Nursey’s and turns, taking more steps away from him. “You’re gonna say that if he’s not okay with it then he’s not worth it. But--" This is why he didn't want to do this. The darkest shade of blue is flooding Dex's lung with every word he speaks. "Derek, he’s my brother and I want him in my life.”

“That’s not what I was gonna say.”

“Then what?” he asks.

“I was gonna say that you’re allowed to be afraid.” Dex drops his gaze. “Baby, look at my fucking family,” Nursey says, almost desperate. “I get it. Did you think I wouldn’t?” Dex feels his throat closing. Nursey steps toward him but Dex still can’t look at him. “Of course I get it. Of course you’re afraid.”

Dex takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, resting his forehead on Nursey’s. “I don’t deserve you,” Dex murmurs.

Nursey pulls back, eyes dark. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Derek,” he mutters. He’s so bad at this. All of this. Relationships and family encounters and being a boyfriend. “You’re--” he manages a laugh. “Great,” he settles with. “You’re great. And loud and proud about who you are and about us and I’m--none of those things. I’m just afraid. All the time.”

“For starters,” Nursey immediately begins, “you are great. So jot that down. And secondly,” he barrels on without letting Dex speak. “I’m super afraid. Of pretty much everything. All the time,” he echoes, repeating Dex’s words. “But I’d rather navigate all of it with you by my side than on my own. Even if we’re both freaking out.” Dex exhales, shaking his head, but Nursey cups his cheek and drags him up so he can look at him. “Us against the world. I want you with me always,” Nursey tells him. “You do deserve this.” He makes a face of frustration before adding, “Me.”

“I feel like I don’t,” Dex whispers. “You’re so much better at this than I am.”

“What, being in a relationship?” Nursey asks. Dex’s lack of response is response enough. Nursey pulls his hand from Dex’s cheek and reaches down so he can grab both of his hands, and there’s something about it that anchors Dex to this moment. “Will,” he says gently. “You’re not bad at being in a relationship. We just show how we care in different ways.” Nursey offers him a little smile. “Never once have I doubted how you feel about me.”

Dex arches an eyebrow. “Never once?”

“There was that one time you brought Chowder coffee from Annie’s and not me,” Nursey tells him. “But--” Dex finally laughs and Nursey’s smile grows. “No, not really,” he insists. “I’m the words guy. You’re the actions guy.” With Nursey looking at him like this, like Dex has crafted a declaration of love out of his bare hands to give to him, the knot in Dex’s chest loosens. “You’re very good at this,” Nursey promises softly.

Every breath Dex takes it feels like his chest expands. “So are you,” he whispers back.

Nursey kisses him, just once. “Thank you,” he says when he pulls back, and he’s smiling again. God, Dex loves that smile. And those eyes, full of sincerity that can’t be faked. And this man, so bright and wonderful and still more than Dex thinks he deserves.

Dex takes a step back and takes another deep breath. “I guess I should call Davey?” he wonders, mostly hoping Nursey says no. 

But he knows he won't. 

“I think so,” Nursey tells him. “Do you want me there?”

“No, I need to do this alone.”

Nursey kisses him another time, another promise on his lips. “I’ll be here after.”

Dex goes outside to make the call.

He figures he should listen to the voicemails that Davey has left first, even though he super doesn’t want to. He pulls them up as he walks farther away from Nursey’s brownstone, down the street so he can give himself the distance he needs to do this.

The first voicemail is short.

“Hey, Will. It’s me, your only brother? Went off the grid for awhile? Maybe you remember how we used to share a room? I uh. Saw something I need you to explain to me. Call me.”

The second voicemail is longer.

“I would much rather have preferred to have this conversation with you instead of with Katie but what the fuck, Will? A boyfriend?” Davey laughs like he’s going to be sick. “I can’t even fucking saying it. This has got to be a joke. So I need you to call me and tell me what the fuck is going on because I don’t want to hear it from anyone else.” There’s a pause. “You couldn’t even fucking say hello before I found this shit out? I don’t even know what to say. You’re so lucky I’m still abroad or I swear I’d drive to that shitty fucking school of yours and make you talk to me.”

This is going to fucking suck.

But he’s listened to the voicemails now so he knows that Davey is already mad and the longer he waits the worse it’s going to get. He needs to call him back.

He can do this.

After a few deep breaths Dex dials his brother’s number.

It hardly even rings.

“I need you to clear something up for me,” Davey says as he answers, and he does not sound pleased. Every word is sharp, dark, almost mocking, and Dex immediately feels like a kid again who’s failed to win over his older brother. “You haven’t heard my voice in over a year and instead of picking up the goddamn phone, you send me to voicemail every fucking time I try to call you? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m sorry,” Dex murmurs.

“You’re not sorry, you’re hiding.”

Dex exhales a sharp breath, anything that one felt small now growing hot with rage. “I’m not hiding. I’m in the middle of something,” he snaps.

“Please spare me your bullshit excuses.”

Dex crosses his arms over his chest and turns, facing the wall as though he can melt into it. “What do you want?”

“Am I not allowed to just want to talk to my brother?” Davey draws. “Over a year,” he says again, voice cold.  

“You know about Derek,” Dex says. “And this weekend is not the weekend I wanted to deal with it.”

“Now I’m something to deal with?” Davey tosses back. “Cool, Will. Really cool.”

“Well can we get it over with?”

He listens to Davey sigh and can’t help but feel a little guilty. It’s not like he wanted to keep putting Davey off. The timing was just shit. He didn’t know how to tell Davey without it being a fight and before he could even begin to figure it out, Davey had found out anyway. He could’ve written Davey a letter but Dex has always been shit with words.

And besides, Davey doesn’t sound nearly as pissed as he did during that second voicemail. In fact he sounds subdued, like someone listened to the message he left and told him to take a walk and chill the fuck out. So the guilt at making Davery wait longer for this conversation makes Dex's chest tighten.

“How long have you been gay?” Davey asks.

“I’m not gay,” Dex returns. “I’m bi.”

“So you still like women.”

“Sometimes, yeah.”

“But you have a boyfriend,” Davey says, and it isn’t a question. “Katie and Becs love him,” Davey mutters. “Even seems like you won Dad over too.” Something in Dex’s chest starts burning. While Dex truly believes his family loves Nursey, his parents do hold a degree of discomfort with it all. “I don’t like it,” Davey says evenly.

“Yeah, I got that from your voicemail.” He’s trying to cling to anger but his voice is rough when he says, “I didn’t expect you to.” His eyes are starting to ache. “But I don’t care because it’s not about you.”

“That’s right,” Davey draws, “it’s about you.”

“Look.” His heart is rattling his ribcage. “You left our shitty small town and kept the same small minded opinions as every other person there and that’s not on me.”

He hears Davey laugh. “Jesus Christ, Will. That school changed you,” Davey says.

Dex rests his forehead against the wall. He doesn’t have the energy for this.

“Yeah,” Dex agrees. “And thank God for it or I’d be like you. And I’d hate myself because I’ve always liked men and been too afraid to act on it.” Davey makes a disgruntled noise on the other end but Dex keeps talking. “So I would’ve just burned myself forever and instead I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire fucking life, Dave, so fuck you for not caring about that.”

“Why wouldn’t I care about that?” Davey asks, and that’s sharp too. There’s something about Davey that’s always pretty sharp. “Just because I don’t understand it doesn’t mean I want you to be miserable.”

“It’s not hard to understand,” Dex shoots back. “You just don’t want to.”

Davey’s quiet on the other end. “I don’t want to,” he finally agrees. “You’re right. I never thought I’d have to…” he trails off, sounding more distant. “I didn’t think that--”

“Your own brother?” Dex offers tiredly. “Listen, I gotta go. I really am in the middle of something.”

“But I do care about you,” Davey rushes. “Of course I do Will you’re my brother.”

“Yeah you’ve made it pretty clear how much you care.”

If he were braver, he’d have hung up.

But if he had he wouldn’t have heard Davey whisper, “I can’t help how I feel so I know neither can you. But I still don’t like it. It’ll take time.”

“Derek isn’t going anywhere,” Dex tells him. “So you need to figure it out. Because like I said. I’m not hiding.” He pauses, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Dex really does hang up then, and while he doesn’t feel good by any sense of the word, he does feel better than he did. Still he needs to collect himself. And he wants to hear someone else's voice.

Katie picks up on the first ring. “Did you talk to Davey?”

“I fought with Davey,” he answers. Katie sighs on the other end. “You know why he’s mad?”

“Yeah,” she whispers. “I wish he wasn’t.”

“I’ll be okay,” Dex says. He smiles when he says, “I have you.”

“You’ll always have me,” Katie agrees. “Holidays are going to be so awkward now, Will.”

He can’t help but laugh. “We’ll figure it out." He hesitates. "You shouldn't have called Derek."

"I was worried about you."

"He has a lot going on this weekend too," Dex tells her.

"I know! New little sister!"

Dex lets his smile linger. "He's excited. He hasn't learned that having a little sister is life-ruining yet."

"Ha-ha."

Dex laughs again and lets this yellow feeling fan over him like a soft breeze. "I gotta go. I love you," he tells his sister.

“I love you too,” Katie says. “Thanks for calling.”

“Thanks for picking up.”

Dex pockets his phone and takes his time going back inside and when he finally does Nursey’s waiting for him by the door, leaned up against the wall like he’s been there the whole time waiting for Dex to return.

“Hey!” he bursts. “How did it go?”

Dex strides to him and cradles Nursey’s cheeks between his hands so he can kiss him. When he pulls back Nursey’s smiling like he’s hopeful and Dex tells him the truth.

“We’ll be okay.”

That evening, while Nursey and Liz are looking at something on Nursey’s phone, Dex excuses himself under the guise of having to go to the bathroom.

Instead he goes to Landon’s office and knocks on the door.

He’s been thinking about what he’s wanted to say to Landon ever since he arrived. Real things. Not just snarky comments in passing, but real words that will make the man pause and think. Not that Dex is good with words, but he’s trying to be, and he thinks that if he doesn't do this then he'll regret it.

“Come in,” Landon calls. Dex slips inside and shuts the door behind him. He’s not as nervous as he thought he was going to be. His phone call with Davey has made Dex feel like he could punch a god in the face and live to tell the tale. Landon arches an eyebrow when he sees Dex and says, “You’re not who I was expecting.”

“I can imagine,” Dex tells him. They look at each other for a moment before Dex speaks again. “Thank you for inviting us,” he says. “I know how much it means to Derek to be here.”

Landon just keeps looking at him. Like he’s studying him. Looking for something to critique.

“It’s not easy to rebuild bridges,” Landon says before typing something on his computer, his attention back on his screen. He wouldn’t have to rebuild them, Dex thinks, if he hadn’t burned them in the first place. But whatever. “Can I help you with something?” he asks, looking up again.

No, probably not. But he’s already here, so he might as well power on.

“I know it’s not my place,” Dex starts.

“And yet you’re here to say something anyway,” Landon interrupts, leaning back in his seat. He closes his laptop just a little so he can focus his attention on Dex. It catches him off guard when Landon adds, “I know that you don’t like me.”

Not something anyone wants to hear from their boyfriend’s father, but it’s true.

Still, he doesn’t want to beat around the bush. Dex ignores Landon’s statement and asks, “Do you love him?”

Landon looks at him for a long time before he says, “You do. I know because you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t.” Landon slowly shifts from shaking his head to nodding as though he accepts it. “Derek takes after his mother in so many ways. It’s easy for men like us to love people like them.”

Dex freezes. “I’m not like you,” he says.

Landon studies him. “No?”

“No.”

Maybe he could’ve been, Dex thinks. In a different world where his family didn’t love him, where he didn’t go to Samwell, where he didn’t meet these people who’ve changed his life and opened his heart.

“But you do love him,” Landon says, propping his elbows up on his desk and resting his chin in his hands. They’re both quiet for a long time. Dex wants to say it’s true. That he does love Nursey. The words are almost there. But he can’t be sure yet, and he’d rather say it to Nursey first than anyone else. “Of course I love my son, Will.”

“You have a strange way of showing it,” Dex tells him.

“A very poor way, yes, especially seeing as his boyfriend that I did not know about feels the need to ask for clarification on the matter.” Dex holds his gaze, and for the first time all weekend, he sees Landon Nurse smile. Not a full one, just a quirk of his mouth. A very Nursey look. But his eyes are sad. “I can only be better,” Landon says.

“Are you going to be?” Dex asks.

“I’m going to try.”

Dex nods his head and steps backwards slowly, reaching for the door handle. “Do more than try,” he offers. “Goodnight, sir.”

After a breathy laugh Landon returns, “Goodnight Will."

Back in the living room, Nursey’s finally holding baby Danielle in his arms, smiling down at her like she’s the most precious thing that he’s ever seen in his entire life.

Yes. Easily, Dex loves him.

“I went to your dad’s office earlier,” Dex tells Nursey when they’re laying in bed that night, trying to sleep.

“I know.” Dex pulls back to look at Nursey and finds him smiling. “I’m not an idiot, babe. There’s no bathroom down that hallway.”

“Sorry,” he murmurs.

“Well he hasn’t kicked us out yet,” Nursey responds, “so it couldn’t have been all that bad.” Dex doesn’t know what to say back. Not like it was supposed to be a secret that he went to talk to Nursey’s dad, but he does feel a little guilty. “What did you talk about?”

“You.”

“Obviously,” Nursey draws, his smile slipping a little. “Anything specific?”

“I asked him if he loves you,” Dex answers. Nursey’s smile fades completely. “He said yes,” Dex adds. “‘Of course I love my son,’” Dex quotes.

“Love’s an action,” Nursey tells him. “You can’t just say you love someone. You have to show it.”

“I know. But I wanted to know what he would say if I asked.” Nursey sighs deeply and a shadow passes over his face that make him look much older, much more tired. Regret floods Dex’s chest making him feel a little bit like he’s drowning. “I shouldn’t have said anything,” he realizes. Not that he didn’t know that it wasn’t his place before, but now he feels it.

“No, I mean--” Nursey looks back up at him. “I’m glad you did. I beat around the bush with him, plead for his approval.” He sighs again. “When I spoke with him the first night he told me he invited me because he thought I wanted to be in my sister’s life. Which I do,” Nursey stresses. “But I want to be in his life too. And I want him to want me here. But I couldn’t say that. And the way he said it made it feel like he doesn’t want that.” He shakes his head a little. “I asked if there was still time for us, me and him. And he said I hope so. It’s just--why couldn't he just say yes?"

Dex sighs. "I don't know," he admits.

"I don’t want to be the only one making an effort anymore.”

“You should tell him that,” Dex offers.

“There’s a lot I want to tell him,” Nursey counters. “I want to tell him how scared I was in those few months he didn’t talk to me at all. And I want to tell him about Samwell and all the things I’ve written and all the points I’ve scored. And I want to tell him about us. You,” he adds in a breath, looking back to Dex. “I just don’t think my words are enough for him.”

Dex sighs, too. He wishes this was something he could fix.

“I’m sorry,” he exhales.

“It’s okay. I have Danielle now,” Nursey says. “And Liz. And they’re not my father, but…” he exhales. “I don’t know. I feel okay.”

“I wish it was easier,” Dex tells him.

“Yeah,” Nursey agrees tiredly, “but it’s not. So. We just keep moving forward, I guess.”

Dex reaches up to cradle Nursey’s cheek with his hand. Sometimes it just has to suck. “Well I’m here,” he reminds Nursey. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Nursey smiles. “I know.”

Sunday morning when Dex wakes up, Nursey isn’t even in bed. He can hear Nursey’s laughter though, alongside Liz’s laughter in the living room, and that makes him smile.

When he checks his phone he doesn’t have any new messages and holy fuck what a relief it is.

Eventually Dex drags himself out to join them. Landon’s actually in the living room too which is a surprise, but he’s sitting by Liz’s side with his arm over her shoulder watching Nursey holding Danielle. There’s no smile on Landon’s face but his eyes seem warm.

Dex really hopes that there's still a chance for all of them. He doesn't like the guy at all but if Nursey wants Landon in his life in some way then maybe they'll find a way to fit him in.

They spend most of the morning doting over the baby, and eventually Nursey insists that Dex take a turn at holding her. Never one to be great with kids he almost refuses but Dex would set fire to the world if it meant keeping Nursey happy so of course he ends up with Danielle in his arms.

It’s not so bad. Newborns are ugly, but Nursey takes a million photos of Dex holding Danielle anyway.

When they leave early that afternoon they both get bone crushing hugs from Liz before loading up the car. “You’ll have to let me know when you get in,” she says. “It’s a long drive! I worry about you!”

“We’ll let you know,” Nursey promises.

Dex climbs into the car first to let Nursey say his longer goodbyes, and though Nursey insists he’s okay to drive Dex settles down in the driver’s seat anyway. It’s been a busy weekend and Dex is convinced Nursey hasn’t actually gotten any sleep, so maybe he’ll pass out in shotgun for a bit. At least that’s what Dex is hoping for.

Eventually Nursey climbs in.

“So, we have a standing invitation,” Nursey says as he buckles. Dex’s eyes flick over to Landon who doesn’t smile at Dex, but tips his head forward in what Dex can only call approval. “To come visit whenever. But they’ll let us know when they have a date for her baptism. Oh--and they’re going to try to make it to at least two games before the season is over.”

Dex turns back to Nursey struggling to fight off his smile. “Yeah?” he asks. Nursey nods and Dex can’t stop his grin. He knows that Liz has a lot to do with this and it makes Dex love her more. “Cool.” He starts the engine. “Ready to go home?” Dex asks.

Nursey reaches over for Dex’s hand and pulls it over, kissing his knuckles. “Ready.”

The following weekend they finally end up getting their lazy morning.

That whole week is just a flood of photos of the baby from Liz and a million Snapchats from Katie who’s “not checking in I just want a Snapchat streak with my brother and what’s so wrong with that?” 

Dex goes to sleep early on Friday night because after a weekend of an insane amount of family drama and a long week of classes, he is fucking exhausted. Nursey stays in too, still milking his creative high for all it's worth. Dex was reading over his shoulder before he climbed into bed (with Nursey's permission, of course, seeing as Nursey hates when people read over his shoulder as he writes). He's been working on the children's story that he told Dex about because he wants to get it to Liz sooner rather than later, about a magical witch named Danielle and her small stuffed turtle Roy taking on the world. It's cute as hell and super inspirational and Liz was right, Nursey could make a career out of writing if that's what he wants to do.

He must only be asleep for a little bit when Dex wakes to Nursey gently shaking his shoulder.

“Dex.”

“Mmf.”

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” Nursey asks.

Without opening his eyes he wiggles forward, making more space by the wall seeing as Nursey prefers that side, and smiles at the weight of Nursey climbing over him. Dex prefers Nursey’s bed 100% but with Nursey tucked around him, close and cozy, this is the most comfortable place in the world.

In the morning, with light streaming through the window, Dex rolls in Nursey’s arms so he can face him.

“Morning,” Nursey greets.

“Do you ever sleep anymore?” Dex mutters back.

Nursey laughs a little. “I slept really well, actually, thank you very much.”

In response Dex presses in to kiss him. He drifts in and out of sleep for a little bit, Nursey toying with the ends of his hair (Dex is going to need a haircut soon), before there’s a crash downstairs in the Haus (followed by the fire alarm and Bitty shouting Tango, out!) that actually makes Dex wake up.

Nursey’s still in bed with him, mostly asleep himself. When the Haus settles down and actually returns to silence, Dex figures they don’t actually have to get out of bed. Nursey isn’t making any effort to move either. If there was a real fire downstairs there would definitely be more yelling.

“Did you want to talk about anything?” Dex asks once Nursey opens his eyes. He figures he should. Nursey said he knows Dex likes mornings for serious conversations and the fact that they’re still in bed on a Saturday morning has Dex assuming that there’s something they should be discussing.

“Nah. I just like mornings with you.”

Dex likes mornings with Nursey too. He wants them all the time. Now, tomorrow, next month, forever. It makes his throat feel tight and wanting something like that, wanting a forever with a person, it’s the scariest thing Dex has ever done.

But he does want it. And he wants it with Nursey.

“Did you?” Nursey eventually asks. “Have anything you want to talk about?”

“No.” But Dex is still thinking about forevers. He leans in, his nose bumping against Nursey’s, and he lets his eyes drift shut. “I love you,” Dex murmurs.

Nursey pulls back in a rush. “You do?”

Dex keeps his eyes closed, feeling his eyebrows draw together. “Yeah,” he whispers.

He only opens his eyes when he feels Nursey’s hand lift to cradle his jaw. “I love you too,” Nursey breathes. “I didn’t want to--I mean, I have,” Nursey carries on, his smile taking over his face. “And I do, I love you Will, like--”

“I thought you were supposed to be good with words,” Dex chirps, knowing if he doesn’t interrupt then Nursey will ramble on forever. His heart is beating wonderfully fast and he can feel it here between them, a forever that they can share.

Nursey laughs and kisses him again, pressing Dex down onto the mattress as he climbs on and straddles his hips. “I didn’t want to scare you away,” Nursey whispers, finishing his thought from earlier. “I’m so in love with you Will, it’s fucking crazy.”

“Relax,” Dex exhales. His blush is going to swallow him whole. Nursey kisses him another time, still grinning like this is the best day of his entire life.

“Say it again?” Nursey whispers.

“I love you, Derek.”

Nursey’s laughing immediately, not like it’s funny but like he’s overwhelmed with joy, before he leans in to kiss Dex another time. “You’re so good with words,” Nursey murmurs against Dex’s lips. Which is a lie. But Dex will tell Nursey he loves him a million more times if this is the reaction he always gets.

They’re still like that ten minutes later (albeit wearing less clothing) when Dex’s phone starts buzzing on his bedside table. Still on top of him, Nursey can easily reach over and grab it for him. His smile slips a little when he picks it up which can only mean one thing.

“It’s Davey,” Nursey tells him.

Dex grabs his phone from Nursey’s hand, ignores the call, turns on Do Not Disturb, and returns to his boyfriend. While it's not a lot of progress, he and Davey have been texting a little bit over the past week and have managed to keep things civil. He'll be back in the states in a few weeks and they're going to meet halfway somewhere for lunch, and Dex isn't feeling nearly as anxious about the whole thing as he once did. But he definitely is not answering the phone right now. He has other things to focus on. Like getting the rest of the clothes off of this man that he loves.

“I can call him back later,” Dex says.

Nursey grins.