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Sing and Akira got married. I’m so happy for them.
I’ve successfully released a new photo book called New York Sense. That was a huge success. I’m proud of it… And I love that photo book a lot. Ash’s photos were in that book. That book was dedicated to him.
...I love him.
...I miss him.
My heart feels so empty now. Now that I’m living alone with only Buddy on my side. Buddy helped me a lot but when he’s sleeping, the monsters who resided in my head started attacking me.
Emptiness, guilt, loneliness.
I wish I was never born but then if that’s the case then I wouldn’t meet Ash.
But then again, that might be a good idea.
Living is really suffocating. I took a week off from work. I locked myself in my house, wanting solitude. Buddy was with me but I felt sorry for him for not giving him much attention and a walk so I contacted Sing, told him to take care of Buddy for me only for a week while I went solitude.
Buddy is not with me now. That’s a bad idea, now that I’ve realised.
The monsters came back.
Die.
Worthless.
Useless.
You’re the reason why Ash died.
You’re needy and weak.
If you weren’t born, Ash would’ve been alive.
If you didn’t give him the letter, Ash would’ve been alive.
If you weren’t around, everyone would’ve been living happily.
You bring death and misery to everyone around you.
Please stop…
Die.
Just die.
I curled on my bed, holding my head. It hurts. It hurts a lot.
Suddenly, I heard a sweet voice.
If you die now, you’ll meet him again.
Don’t you want that?
Plus, you’ll escape from all the pain that’s torturing you.
I sat up. That voice was right. If I die now, I’ll be free from everything and I’ll meet Ash again.
I dragged myself to my closet and rummaged around. I found a black hoodie jacket and I shoved my hand in the pocket. I took out a gun from it. Sing gave that to me for self-defence but I see no point of using it.
Except for now, I know what I should use this for.
I pressed the muzzle on my forehead. I took a deep breath.
This is gonna end so quickly.
Come on. You can do it.
I just need to pull the trigger.
Yeah, that’s it.
This is it. Ash, I’m coming.
Yes, yes. That’s how you do i--
BANG!
Ash walked around a plain. It was peaceful and windy. Even though he had been alone for who knows how long, that didn’t bother him. He loves his solitude. It’s so calm and quiet.
But his solitude didn’t last long.
Before him stood a guy in his 20’s. He has short black hair, wearing round framed glasses, blue plaid shirt and sweatpants. Ash walked closely to him and he realised, the guy looks Japanese and he has blood dripping from his forehead.
“Ash.” The guy smiled at him.
Ash knew that voice. Ash shook his head,
“No… It can’t be. You’re not supposed to be here, Eiji. Not yet!” Ash yelled.
Eiji smiled at him. “Too late now. I’m dead…”
“Eiji, you’re only like… What? In your 20’s? You should’ve spend your life more…” Ash said. Eiji frowned at him, “And you died when you were 18 and I was in my late 30’s, okay? I don’t have any reason to live anymore. I… shot myself.”
Ash looked away from him. Too painful to look at. “So that explained the blood dripping from your forehead.” Ash said. Eiji nodded at his statement. “I should change my looks now.” Eiji snapped his finger and poof!
Eiji became his 19-20 years old self again, wearing white tshirt and blue jeans. “ただいま.” Eiji said with a grin. Ash turned around and gave him a sad smile, “Welcome home… I guess.”
Eiji went up to him and hugged him. “We’ll be together forever now. Isn’t that great? I kept my promise!” Eiji grinned.
“This… isn’t what I wanted, Eiji. Yeah, I’m happy you’re here with me but… You’re not supposed to be here. I wanted to see you happy and alive…”
“That became impossible after you died.” Eiji said with a dark tone. “If you didn’t visit me after all these years, your death made me really depressed. You were dumb, stupid. Dying from blood loss when you can just walk to the hospital or call for help? What the fuck were you thinking?” Ash flinched at Eiji. Eiji rarely swear and when he did, that means he’s really pissed.
“Yeah… I knew you were really depressed and you even grew your hair long. I’m sorry…” Ash said. Eiji tightened his hug, “Don’t be. It’s all over now.” Eiji said. “I’m happy now… because I’m with you again.”
Ash softened his gaze on Eiji. It’s too late to push Eiji away and tell him to live because that’s impossible. He’s already dead. All Ash can do now is to finally accept that he’s with him. Ash hugged Eiji and rested his chin on Eiji’s head.
“Oh shit, man. I’ve always wanted to tell you this but I was too shy to say anything but, Eiji… I like you, I love you. You’re the cutest man I’ve ever met.” Ash confessed. Eiji blushed really hard. His face became all red just like a tomato. “E-Eh?”
“You can turn me down, damn it!” Ash pulled away from the hug. “N-No! That’s not what I meant! ...I… I like you too. I love you. You’re the most handsome, kind and funny guy I’ve met and I… was glad to meet you.” Eiji hid his face with his hands.
Ash opened his mouth. He wanted to say something but he stopped. He holds Eiji’s hand and their fingers entwined.
“That settles it. We’re boyfriends now.” Ash said as he smiled softly.
“ねぇ, Ash. We’ll be together forever, right?”
“Yeah… Forever.”
Both of their lips connected with each other. They shared a soft loving kiss.
The Famous Photographer from Japan, Eiji Okumura was found dead in his apartment.
August 12 2002