Work Text:
Old Ghosts
‘’Are you okay?’’
Nino jumped on her stool upon this sudden question, pulling herself from her daydreams reluctantly to glance around - the worst cantina she had ever seen. Hoth. Nighttime. Reneget…something.
Right.
She wondered how long she had been staring at the empty bottle - bottles - on the bar, this Torian had to be more patient than any human she had encountered. It didn’t lessen the embarrassment, but she didn’t apologise…not again - this time she thought it’d annoy him into leaving her alone in this frozen wasteland. The whole mission had been a disaster already. Not technically perhaps - no, if anything Nino would always, always finish a mission but she found it difficult to feel her survival instincts. It made her recall her early days in the Imperial space, fighting to the death in the front lines.
The longer they stayed on this blasted ice planet, she noticed, more and more she was being pulled into her thoughts, retiring into her shell - armour - in order to ignore everything - everyone, any stinging remark thrown at her way or any seemingly concealed glance that’d cause her to snap back into memories she had done everything in her hand to forget for almost a decade - all for nothing. However she was not alone, and her cheeks warmed with embarrassment when she thought what he could be thinking about her unseemly, ridiculous behaviours. Some dignity. He must be disappointed, she thought blearily, I’m acting like a madwoman.
But she nodded confidently nonetheless, her actions exaggerated with slight inebriation, turning to her side to give Torian what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Oddly enough he didn’t smile back like he’d usually do but sighed deeply without bothering to hide it, turning back to his drink instead, downing the rest and for some humiliating reason, Nino felt her insides knot into even a tighter mess. She stared at his profile - he didn’t look disappointed, not really, frozen more like - rigid, maybe he’s cold, she thought again, Hoth is hardly an ideal world for humans.
She cleared her throat, and shook her head instead of smiling that fake frozen smile - it didn’t fool anyone - ‘’You can go if you like, Torian. We’ll be staying just upstairs you know?‘’ she gestured the ceiling of the space station, ‘’Get some rest.’’
He shook his head, ‘’Not without you - and his face became pinker before he continued hurriedly ‘’I mean, you need to rest too. Can’t leave you alone here.’’
‘’Torian - ’’
‘’Do you want to talk?’’ he asked before she could protest, ‘’I’ll listen. Either way - we should go.’’
Despite the haziness that came from the numerous drinks, she felt a pang of irritation, ‘’I said you can go! I’m speaking Basic right?’’ she tried in Mando’a, although very clumsily, <<‘’Just go!’’>>
<<’’No!’’>> he exclaimed as well to her annoyed reply, <<‘’Never!’’>>
‘’Err..-’’
He sighed again, ‘’I said I’m not going.’’ then he leaned back a little, staring at her face intently as if he was surveying whether she could walk on her own or not - of course, she could. The only time she couldn’t walk on her own would be the day she died. ‘’Didn’t know chiss could get drunk.’’
‘’I’m not drunk.’’
‘’Of course…- Well I am.’’
‘’You are?’’ Nino looked at him closely as well, he was standing rather straight and focused, soldiers at-ease position, hands clamped behind his back for some reason, as if he were being very careful about where he put them,
‘’Yes. Should probably help me up.’’
‘’Well…That makes sense.’’ Nino glanced at the bar again, then to Torian and then to the bar, ‘’Fine. Let’s go - whoa’’
‘’Careful.’’ he boldly wrapped one arm around her - which was the first sign he was indeed drunk and not just faking it just to get her out of the cantina - before she could trip over her own feet. He felt distractingly warm through the armour and despite the coldness of their environment - or maybe she just imagined it with her brain desperate for some sort of sensation that wasn’t misery and then suddenly, instinctively wound both her arms around him. This would be a perfect moment to break into sobs, she thought distantly, if it were a holodrama this would be the exact moment - but her eyes remained uncomfortably dry, not even giving her an excuse to explain her sudden clinginess.
Her arms were so tight around him she could feel pain from where his armour dug into unarmored parts of her and all the sharp edges - from the small grunt, he couldn’t contain he was suffering the same thing. He didn’t push her away though, much to her surprise, merely tightening his hold and bringing his other hand to her head, lightly stroking her hair where it lay tangled, still half-wet from the snow and the below zero temperature of the cantina.
‘’I’m so sorry.’’ Nino heard herself speaking, voice muffled against his shoulder, ‘’I’m…-’’
‘’Don’t be.’’ he said simply but not unkind, firmly squeezing her waist - the only place not covered in heavy plates, ‘’Just need to sleep this off.’’
‘’Do I?’’
‘’Well..-’’ he turned to her and Nino suddenly realized how close their faces were, with their arms tangled around each other, barely standing straight, his hot breath brushing her face when he spoke quietly right against her, making her heart wake up from its sluggish beat, ‘I’m not gonna force you to speak. So the other option is sleeping.’
‘’Let’s go then.’’ Nino trotted them both more forcefully now, towards the lift, ‘’I’m done with this self-pity.’’
***
‘’You don’t mind sharing a room, right?’‘
‘’Huh?’’ he snapped from the staring contest he seemed to be having with the beds, ‘’Nope.’’
‘’Well it’s not a twin bed, at least.’’ she shrugged, ‘’You really don’t want to share a bed with me - I move about a lot.’’
To that he gave her a rare smile, glancing around the room and the various vulnerable spots, her pathetic attempt at clearing the awkward air worked but only partly, ‘’Doesn’t matter - I mean…Not that I want.’’ he took a deep breath, looking at anywhere but Nino who was silently smiling, ‘’I’d let you have the bed’’ he countered.
‘’How gentlemanly of you.’’
‘’I know.’’ with that he flopped down on one of them, grunting under his breath and Nino sat down beside him, the bed creaking with their combined weight.
‘’Are you injured?’’ she asked her hands going to his armour clasps without really thinking and he didn’t stop her, poofing out a heavy breath instead and trying to roll his shoulders, ‘’Just stiff.’’ he shook his head, blond hair almost as messy as Nino’s curls if not more, having been frozen with ice and melted numerous times through the day, ‘’Feels like I’m just defrosting.’’
She laughed for the first time during their trip into Hoth, a light tinkling sound, loud in the otherwise quiet room and Torian perked up, half turning around to peer at her face with big bright eyes - like he just had to see it no matter the cost, a matter of life and death. Nino felt her breath hitch at his look - he had such an intense stare sometimes, making her wonder just what could be going over his head. She continued helping him with his armour when he didn’t protest, as careful as she can be - as if she could accidentally puncture metal. When he was down to his suit, he took her hands both in thanks, squeezing them and Nino wished she had taken off her gloves before but even with them on, the warmth she felt gently spread over her nearly frozen limbs. He stopped awkwardly then, obviously thinking about something before he blurted it out, ‘This always how you treat your crew?’
‘Not really.’ Nino replied honestly.
‘Good to know.’ he said, hands reaching for her armour, trembling of his fingers not missing her eyes, ‘Same.’ he continued to the unspoken question lingered about her but his hands were dexterous enough that Nino wondered if this could be an innocent lie. Or maybe it was a natural Mandalorian skill to be able to divest their partners from armour. Overall, she was stripped from it in less than fifteen minutes and found herself feeling bereft, as embarrassing as it was.
‘Can I tell something?’
Nino nervously clasped her now bare hands together, looking at the chest plates on the ground, leaning against each other - a strange mirror of them sitting on the bed. Before she could say anything, once again he boldly extended an arm to wrap around her and this time she put her head against his shoulder, suddenly feeling very tired, he backed until they were both leaning against the wall,
‘’I don’t know what happened. No need. Unless you want to -’’ he leaned down a little to see her face and Nino felt her eyes well up at the thoughtful gesture, shaking her head slightly, ‘No then. I’d say it doesn’t matter - whatever happened. You know about…how becoming a Mandalorian means -’’ Nino nodded once, ‘- Yes. Well. Doesn’t work just as well in practice, I guess. And if it pains you like this - can’t really say it’s not important. It’s very important, even. It’s just…I don’t know what to say… - It’s…I..- I’d be honoured to fight whatever it is. For you. Just give me the word.’’
‘’Thank you.’‘
‘’Don’t thank me!’’ he straightened abruptly taking her up with him, firmly holding her shoulders and she was surprised by the intent expression on his face,
‘I mean it, Nino. Whatever it is - you don’t want to face it. I can!’‘ he seemed at a total loss at words then, opening his mouth only to close it again without saying anything, ‘And if it can’t be fought…then you till have my support- for what it’s worth. Whatever it is, count me in. Just never fight like this - It’s like you want to die!’
Even though his brief, impressively passionate speech and the mere notion of Torian tackling the Great Chiss Ascendancy Politics physically - or maybe hunting down her father - and her years trauma was touching enough she couldn’t help but pry, completely disregarding his remark about her reckless fighting; ‘’You heard what people say about me here, for weeks, even tomorrow isn’t certain I could be jailed anytime. How come you not believe a world full of claims against me?’’
‘‘I don’t.’‘ he shrugged.
‘’This doesn’t really explain your naive faith in me.’‘
‘‘Doesn’t have to.’‘
‘‘Is it because I won the Great Hunt?’‘
He briefly chuckled, shaking his head, ‘’Nope.’’
‘‘It’s very impossible to take the words out of your mouth, Torian.’‘
‘‘So I heard.’‘
This is going nowhere, she thought, ‘You trust too blindly.’ she chided, ‘’Why would so many people blame if it wasn’t the truth.’’
‘‘Happens,’‘ he replied, voice suddenly down and removed his hands from her shoulders but Nino reached out and held them in her lap before he could withdraw completely, I’m an idiot. A complete idiot.
‘’I’m sorry - for asking so many dumb questions. I…I’m sure you’d know. With..the whole thing.’’ and Jicoln, she completed in her head, he was blamed with being a traitor for all his life, by his own people nonetheless, not so dissimilar from Nino’s situation - so she held his hands even tighter, the skin of them rough and clammy in her grasp and she also all of a sudden noticed they’ve been holding hands, sitting on bed and holding hands. Alone. She tried to disregard it for the moment being, as much as her heart would allow, already beating a wild tattoo in her throat,
‘’I’m very grateful for your support. I am really. This planet - it’s awful to me. I don’t think anything short of leaving and never coming help would help.’’
‘‘They can’t do anything to you.’’ he said firmly, ‘’Promise.’‘
She had to smile at the childish sincerity of the statement. Courageous and direct - just like the man who said it…If only he knew.
Not the time and not the place, she thought, not now. She allowed herself to find comfort in the reliable nature of the promise without delving into the most complicated issues, for some reason trusting his words more than she had ever trusted anyone before.
‘’I’ll take your word for it.’‘
He kept looking at her expectantly and Nino raised a brow, ‘’Yes?’’
‘Your turn. Promise?’
Ah. ‘’I’ll be more careful. Promise.’’
‘‘Good.’ he nodded, ‘’I don’t want you to die.’‘
‘‘That’s almost like a proposal, coming from you.’’
He laughed boyishly at that, flopping down on the bed and Nino too put her head beside him without thinking about it much, the action almost reminding her of her much younger days where she sometimes shared a bed with her brother. Sweet and familiar. Perhaps the very only memory about her past that didn’t cause her pain. Just as she was about to close her eyes she heard him speak,
‘’Not yet.’‘