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Lando is an old man, which is not the sort of way he’d describe himself to others, but privately, he can admit it. Despite the fact he still feels young sometimes, his body never fails to remind him that he has gotten older, slower, more tired. It’s not a bad thing, everyone gets older, it’s natural, and in a way, he’s lucky….some don’t even get the chance. If he’s honest, considering the close calls he’s had, Lando is a tiny bit surprised he’s made it this far. He’s pretty proud that he has.
But when he steps back on to the Falcon, makes his way through the ship, and sets foot in the cockpit, for the first time in more years than he’d like to think about, he feels truly young. The years seem to melt away as he sits in the captain’s seat, and, for a moment, he is a young man again, full of energy and enthusiasm, the weight of his advanced years gone, his body no longer slow, his whole life in front of him with the promise of adventure and excitement. It doesn’t last, but it’s wonderful to experience that feeling again, even if it is fleeting.
He recalls a saying he heard once, ‘you can never go home’, but, as he sits in the cockpit of the Falcon, he decides that’s not always true. Sure, things might have changed or been lost, however, he thinks that the place that a person calls home, is always home in some way or another. The Falcon is so familiar, the sounds, the smells, the feeling of the ship. Yes, it’s home. In a way, it always has been.
Lando closes his eyes, and he lets himself remember. He remembers getting the Falcon for the first time, he remembers the blood, sweat, tears, and the long days and nights that went into restoring and rebuilding this ship, he remembers the pride he felt when she was finally perfect, he remembers the joy he felt as she soared through space, faster than any other ship he’d piloted, he remembers the excitement of the scams and smuggling jobs he embarked on, he remembers the pure delight he felt during the many times he escaped trouble on this ship, he remembers the utter devastation of losing her to Han, how he yearned to fly her just one more time, he remembers catching Luke, battered and bruised, in his arms, he remembers the elation and relief when he blew up the Death Star. He remembers everything. And he allows all the different emotions to wash over him. Just one more time. However, he still can’t stop thinking about one thing….or rather, one person.
He knows Han is dead, murdered, but it’s strange, here on the Falcon, it doesn’t feel like he’s gone. His presence is here, so strong that Lando almost feels like if he turned around, Han would be there, leaning against the doorway, with that cocky, annoying smile on his face. Lando doesn’t turn around though, he doesn’t want to see the empty doorway, he doesn’t want to spoil the fantasy, the dream, he wants to believe, just for a little while, that somehow it isn’t true and that Han is still alive, still waiting out there somewhere to wind him up or make him laugh. Lando sighs, sometimes life can feel so goddamn exhausting.
Still, he’s here, still fighting, and he will keep going for them, his friends, old and new, and for all the good he knows is still present in the galaxy. So, yes, some people might not be able to go home, but he is lucky, he can go home, one more time, as bittersweet as it feels. Lando smiles as Chewie interrupts his brooding and joins him in the cockpit, two old warriors reunited again for one more adventure. Lando will keep going, that’s what he’s always done, no matter how hard it is.