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Teruki Hanazawa and Shigeo Kageyama had gotten quite close after middle school, especially after going to the same high school together. “Close”, as in “essentially dating to the point where no one bothers confessing anymore because everyone has already assumed they’re dating and are genuinely surprised when told otherwise by classmates. The only thing in their way is actually discussing a title to their relationship, but even theyknow they’re basically dating.” So things were a touch complicated.
However complicated it might be, both were content where they were at the moment, still figuring out their own identity and coming into their own, like normal high schoolers, both knowing neither were going anywhere else anywhere time soon. Also there was one thing on Teru’s mind lately.
It could be explained simply as “a difference in love languages”. Teruki was the type to wear his emotions on his sleeve, good or bad. His top languages were words of affirmation by a longshot, with touch and gifts tying for second. He convinced Shigeo to take the test on his phone one day as they walked home together, too. His first was quality time, which had nearly all the points, and the next closest thing was helpful acts. So they had all the bases covered, just none of which were shared. That’s not to say Teruki didn’t make active strides to meet Shigeo where he was at. After all, he was wildly in love with this boy, so shame on him if he didn’t try to help him be comfortable! It wasn’t too difficult at first, each little sign of gratitude or appreciation from Shigeo gave him an insane boost of confidence and reassured his deep love. Their final year of middle school was like that, and Teru was happy to do anything he could to get Shigeo more comfortable around him. He wasn’t surprised when, a year later when Shigeo took the test, he found out his love languages.
However, things were starting to feel a bit tense in Teru’s heart lately. It was a weird thing, honestly. In his mind, Teru knew full and well how Shigeo expressed himself, and what meant what. He could easily identify Shigeo’s facial expressions, and how he showed his happiness, sadness, anger, and so on. Shigeo was becoming more expressive, too, which helped. Although he wasn’t in the same ballpark as Teru was when it came to expressing himself, he was getting better. And Teru knew that, logically, that was how Shigeo showed his love. By sitting in silence as they sat at a bench in a park, eating ice cream cones and watching a pair of birds in the trees. Teru knewthis.
And yet… knowingand feelingaren’t always telling each other all the information. Teru expressed his love far more vocally (to anyone, but mostly Shigeo), and always made a show to express that he was happy to be spending time with Shigeo. When Shigeo ever got him anything, even just some leftover snack from his lunch, Teru always let Shigeo know it made him happy. And Shigeo just wasn’t the type to do that much. Teru knew it didn’t mean Shigeo liked him any less, it’s just… sometimes you really feel it in your heart when its shown to you in a way your heart understands.
These thoughts were running through Teru’s mind all morning, even through class when he should be focusing. He hadn’t seen Shigeo in the morning- he had morning exercises with the few Body Improvement Club members who also went to this school- and the next time he’d see him in the day was at lunch. It’s unfortunate that Shigeo was in the next class over. Just one wall away, so close yet so far. Every day, Teru would bring his lunch bag with him to the next class over, and sit with Shigeo and eat lunch in his class.
Even lunchwas starting to get overanalyzed today. Teru really was going through it. The unfortunate side effect of becoming more empathetic and caring was that you cared too muchsometimes, and insecurities would arise.
Do I make him uncomfortable with how much I talk about him?Teru thought, staring blankly at his world history textbook, I’m supposed to be meeting him where he’s at… I owe him that much, after all he’s done.
As Teru thought about more, he started to get more and more nervous.
Everyone makes jokes about us being together, but he’s never really brought it up outside of school… does it make him uncomfortable? He’s too nice to say outright when he doesn’t like something… I should have been paying better attention to his body language lately… I can’t just expect him to cater to my every need!
Teru sighed quietly into his book. There he went again, reverting back to his old ways, expecting others to bend to his will and have things go his way only. Of courseShigeo would be uncomfortable with him! He was forcing Shigeo to act a way he didn’t want to! Teru was supposed to be making him comfortable, not pressuring him to act a certain way just because Teruliked it!
Soon enough, the class ended and the bell that signaled lunch rang.
Should I even go over? I’m probably forcing myself on him, Teru thought, moving at a snail’s pace as he put his textbook away. It would make sense, Shigeo was polite and wouldn’t tell his friend that he didn’t like him showing up. And it would be awkward, someone going into your classroom just to be asked to leave! It was a scenario where Shigeo was being pushed against a wall, with no choice but to let Teru take up his every lunch! How selfish of him, taking away time he could be spending with his friends- his better friends who probably didn’t mind sitting quietly, like normal people.
Teru frowned, resting his forehead on the cold wood of his desk. He should eat lunch in here today, and give Shigeo some actual freedom.
Why can’t I just appreciate him like he deserves?! Teru scolded himself. After all Shigeo has done for him, and he couldn’t give him some freedom and let him express himself in his own way? Yeah, what a good friend, sure.
He sat in silence by himself, not even bothering to get his lunch out, just sitting with his eyes closed and head on the desk.
“-ki-kun? Teruki-kun?”
A soft voice snapped Teru out of his trance, and he whipped his head up to see Shigeo standing in front of his desk, with his lunch bag in his hands.
“Shigeo-kun?” Teru asked, blinking the tired fog out of his eyes.
“Are you alright? I thought your teacher might have held you long, but I saw one of your classmates come in, so I wasn’t sure… Did you forget your lunch?” Shigeo asked, glancing around Teru’s desk as he asked the last question.
“Oh, um, no I didn’t forget anything…” Teru said, not sure what to say, “I just didn’t know if you wanted to each lunch together today.”
Shigeo looked genuinely confused at that, tilting his head and scrunching his eyebrows.
“Hm? Why wouldn’t I?”
Teru scratched his arm a little, trying to word this.
Oh, you know, just another exponential crisis where I realized I’m ungrateful and a bad friend. You know how it is, haha!
Yeah, nope.
And other people were still in this classroom, easily within listening range. Even if they weren’t trying to, they could easily hear it anyway, just like Teru could currently hear these three girls talk about a brand of markers which was clearlybetter than the others.
“Can I eat lunch here with you?” Shigeo asked, snapping Teru away from the marker debate.
“S-Sure!” He nodded.
He was a bit confused. Maybe Shigeo didn’t mind his daily intrusion?
“What’s bothering you?” Shigeo asked as he pulled out a sandwich.
“Do you mind if we talk about it after school?” Teru asked quietly, both not ready to explain and also not willing to share with the rest of the class.
Shigeo nodded, seemingly content with that then.
They ate their lunch in relative silence, Teru trying actively to make Shigeo comfortable and happy. It seemed to work, because Shigeo gave Teru half of his clementine slices.
“Oh, thank you!” Teru said gratefully, “Clementine’s are my favorite fruit!”
“I know,” Shigeo said quietly, with a nearly missed hint of pride in his voice.
It filled Teru’s heart with love, but it deflated momentarily after that, when he realized he didn’t know Shigeo’s favorite. So much for ‘meeting in the middle’, yet again.
After lunch, Teru spent most of class wondering how to even explain himself to Shigeo.
I don’t think you like me because you don’t tell me in the exact context I like.
I want you to talk to me more but also feel guilty for pressuring you as much as I probably already do.
I’m madly in love with you but I clearly don’t deserve you.
Hmmm… Those all seemed pretty bad, so he’ll have to figure it out within the next three subjects, or he’ll just have to pick one from the bunch and run with it.
Eventually, the school day did finally end, and Teru waited by the lockers for Shigeo. Teru always reached his locker first, probably because Shigeo was always forgetting something back in class and running back to grab it.
“Hi, Teruki-kun!” Shigeo greeted, walking up to Teru.
“Hey, Shigeo-kun.” Teru smiled, starting to walk outside with him. Their houses were in the same direction from school, but they had to part about halfway there.
“So, how are you?” Shigeo asked, right to the point the moment they left school grounds.
“I’m okay, I guess,” Teruki shrugged, since technically he was physicallyokay, “I’m just… a bit worried, I guess.”
“About what?” Shigeo asked.
Teru rubbed his arm again, hoping for the best with this one.
“I guess I’m worried that I’m not expressing stuff in a way that, like, makes you comfortable? Since you’re a lot quieter and all, so I guess I’m worried I’m overbearing sometimes. It’s hard to tell… Wh-which isn’t your fault! I’m at fault, I should be paying more attention!”
Teru was still waving his hands in an apologetic frenzy when Shigeo spoke back up.
“You’re not overbearing at all, Teruki-kun.” He said, matter-of-factly.
Teru blinked, lowering his arms slightly. Shigeo’s expression was a lot more solemn than he expected. Was this going even worse than he planned?!
Shigeo stopped walking and faced Teruki, who was a few steps in front of him. Suddenly, Shigeo dropped to a bow, which started Teruki even more.
“I’m sorry, Teruki-kun,” Shigeo began, rising back up, “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“No, no, I promise it’s not your fault!” Teru said quickly, hoping Shigeo didn’t bow again.
“It is!” Shigeo said, with a strength to his voice that shut Teru up quickly. Shigeo relaxed a little, but continued.
“I get so relaxed around you, Teruki-kun… You always seem to understand how I’m feeling, when I’m angry or happy or anything, so I think I… forget to tell you things. I tell other people, but with you… I think I just get so comfortable around you, I forget you can’t just read my mind. And you’ve even told me you feel best when people show affection with words. I’m sorry I haven’t been considerate enough lately, Teruki-kun!”
Teru was blown away my Shigeo’s sudden speech, with how much passion he spoke with and what he was talking about. Then the true meaning struck Teruki: He wasn’t at fault, forcing Shigeo to do something. Shigeo was just so comfortablearound him that he didn’t think to act any other way!
Teru let out a deep sigh, and he felt a whole knot in his shoulders start to release.
“I was so worried that I was making you uncomfortable… But I’m glad you’re that comfortable around me, Shigeo-kun, that means a lot.”
Shigeo nodded, still with an apologetic expression.
“I’m sorry to make you worry…” He said.
Teru smiled at him, walking up to give him a big hug.
“I forgive you, silly.” He said, “And I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I guess I bottle stuff still, huh…”
Shigeo hugged him back almost instantly, resting his head on Teru’s shoulder.
“I have an idea, if you want to hear it.” Shigeo said after Teru let go.
“Sure, what’s up?” He asked, and the two began walking again.
“I’m better at saying things when I write it, I think. Do you think it would be alright if I write you, like, post-it notes about things that make me happy? Sometimes I just can’t say words very well, outloud that is.”
“I think that’s an awesome idea!” Teru grinned, “Do you want me to write you anything?”
“If you want,” Shigeo shrugged, “It might be a good middle spot? But promise you’ll tell me if you don’t feel happy with it?”
Teru nodded, but he doubted he’d be unhappy. After everything Shigeo admitted so far, he doubted he’d be unhappy any time soon at all.
“I promise, I really like being with you, Teruki-kun,” Shigeo smiled warmly at Teruki, shooting a sharp arrow into Teru’s heart.
“I love being with you, Shigeo-kun,” Teru said in reply, so heartwarmed that he realized far too late how he worded that.
Shigeo’s cheeks turned a shade darker for a moment.
They walked quietly for a moment, both needing a moment to register everything that’s been said on this walk.
“Hey, Teruki-kun?” Shigeo said, looking back again to Teru.
“Mhm?”
“Would it make you happy if we went on a date?”
Teru blanked for a moment, baffled at how calmly Shigeo said it. Like, okay, sure, everyone talked about them being together, so it wasn’t surprising, but he didn’t think Shigeo would just bring it uplike that!
“W-Would it make youhappy?” Teru countered, not wanting Shigeo to over-correct and act just to make Teruki comfortable.
Mob paused for a moment, then nodded with a confidence that re-cemented Teruki’s adoration.
“We can go out, and you can talk all you want and I’ll sit and be silent and enjoy the quality time.” Teruki joked, which got a real laugh out of Shigeo.
“But I like it when you talk, too,” Shigeo said, his kind gaze absolutely tearing Teruki apart.
“Well…” Teru hummed, hoping his face wasn’t toored, “I guess I can talk a little.”
Shigeo chuckled again, and nodded.
“Want to go out to eat tomorrow?” Teru asked, feeling a sudden rush of confidence after all this, “We eat a lot together, but like… as a datethis time.”
“I’d like that.” Shigeo agreed, his cheeks pressed up as he tried visibly not too smile too widely. He wasn’t doing a very good job.
They reached their split up point, and they both stood their together for a moment in silence.
“Hey, Shigeo-kun?” Teru said, “All jokes aside… Thank you, really, for everything. It’s nice to have someone really care about how I feel.”
Shigeo smiled kindly at him.
“Thank you for caring about my feelings, too. You’re a really good guy, Teruki-kun.”
Teru couldn’t help but grin at Shigeo, giving him one last quick hug before starting to walk towards his home.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Shigeo-kun!” He hollered as he left.
Shigeo waved back at him, and Teru could have sworn he saw a quick blue wisp, shaped like a heart, float above Shigeo’s head for a moment. At this rate, Teruki might actuallybe able to read his mind, if he starts showing his thoughts through his aura. But that was a topic for another time. For now, Teru was happy to walk home with his mind filled with thoughts of his kind, caring, and compromising date.