Chapter Text
No friends.
No family.
Nothing.
Yamaguchi stared up at the ceiling over his bed. He needed to get up, he knew that. Lately these past few months, or maybe years, staying in bed was so much more inviting than everything else. It wasn't like he was needed somewhere or by someone.
The autumn sun shone brightly through his blinds and made striped shadows over his cheeks. It was bothersome. Maybe he should change the blinds to curtains. At least the sun wouldn't be the reason why he always woke up before he needed too. It didn't really matter, he supposed. Because Yamaguchi always needed to lie in bed for some time. He had always been a heavy sleeper in the mornings.
He shouldn't be complaining. At least not too much. He had a great place at Tokyo University as a veterinary student. He just started his third year on his major. It was exciting. He always wanted to help animals in some way, but the last years had been hard, and Tadashi was starting to wonder if he would be able to pull through the rest of the course. He hoped. Yamaguchi knew he didn't have anything else waiting for him if he did quit.
He had food on the table, a roof over his head and clothes for each season. He worked part time at a bookstore. It was a nice little corner bookstore off-campus on his way to university grounds. Called Books and look's. Where the corny name came from, Tadashi didn't know. He never asked. It opened early and closed late because the majority of the customers were students and some professors. It earned him a few bucks and that was what was important.
He had a nice apartment. It was a two bedrooms apartment. It was slightly cheaper than other he had looked at because he needed to pay electricity, water and such himself. He just paid rent. It was modern enough for him with a nice kitchen and a big enough bathroom with a kind of big shower and a small tub. Someone would probably kill for a place like this. It was a 20 minute walk to campus and there were a corner grocery store 15 minutes in the other direction. It was really a needle among a haystack, but Tadashi didn't like it. Not anymore at least.
Tadashi just didn't have anyone to share it with. He never had any friends, at least not for long. And the people that picked on him and bullied him were not friends. His family hated him. They started hating him the second he came out as bisexual in his second year of high school. He had needed to become an adult quickly and with that came an apartment he hated. For him, his own home had started to feel too big for him and too little for him. It was too light during daytime and too dark during late nights. Too cold and too hot. He had a spare room that he said to himself he could use as an office or maybe get a roommate, but he never made the efforts to make it happen. His landlord had asked him if he wanted a roommate. Yamaguchi declined each time, but with a promise that his landlord would be the first to know if he ever changed his mind. In the end, it was his own fault that he was alone.
He glanced at his clock on the bed side table. It read 09.07. He really needed to get up so he could make it to his first class that started 10.00. It was a twenty minute walk and he needed to change and maybe take a quick shower. His hair was getting greasy.
Groaning loudly, he managed to get to a sitting position. He glanced at the clock again. It read 09.13.
Feeling heavy and tired, he finally managed to get out of bed and made is way towards his bathroom. It was clean. At least compared to pictures he had seen on facebook and instagram. The counter were lined with a few nail polishes in dark colours and some hair products he never used because they never worked on his hair and, of course, his toothbrush.
He brushed his teeth and tried to tame his bed hair. It never worked quite like he wanted too, but it had never really did that. He had given up on the cheap- and some expensive- hair products he had tried out.
Looking at himself in the mirror, he decided two things. One, that his quick shower would have to wait after his shift at the bookstore. That way he could take a long, warm shower and forget the world for 30 minutes. Two, he really should try to get more sleep in.
He had dark rings- that he was sure was permanent- under his eyes. No matter how much he slept, he always looked and felt tired. His usually semi-tanned skin had lost some of it’s glow, but Tadashi knew that he lost his “glow” in high school somewhere. He was skinny and not in the good way. He had tried to bulk up by doing exercise videos he found on YouTube, but it never showed and he stopped. He tried to eat more, but he never gained any weight and he didn't have much of an appetite.
He looked at the clock, again. He only had a couple of minutes before he needed to go.
Tadashi gave his hair a last ruffle, hoping it would stop doing whatever it was doing. It didn't work.
He packed his bag for the day and then left without eating.
“Ittekimasu.” Tadashi called out to an empty apartment and his dead, potted plants.
There were no answers. No one had answered him since high school.
After six hours of university filled with two lectures in food safety for animals and basic biology, plus two free-hours he used to study; Yamaguchi made his way towards his bookstore. Students where milling around, minding their own business. Some were holding hands, some talking in small groups and some had seated themselves under the sakura trees that lined the courtyard of the campus.
Everyone had someone.
Tadashi shook his head. He didn't want to dig himself a deep hole.
The clock had just passed 16:00 and he started his six hour shift at 17:00. He had yet to eat something. He did eat a energy bar from a vending machine and some iced tea, the usual. Yamaguchi started to feel hungry. He was usually better at keeping his stomach full enough, but he guessed he just forgot today.
The brown eyed boy made his way to his favourite coffee shop on campus. It was a small one, just by the entrance to the university ground, and it’s positions made the shop a little popular. He liked that it wasn't too many people here compared to those that actually were inside the campus walls.
Yamaguchi made his way inside. It wasn't as packed as he thought it would be, but he was reminded again that it was dinner time for most people.
The coffee shop was a cute, urban, western themed cafe. The walls were made of bricks, some of those were painted in bright colours and scattered around the shop and one wall was lined with floor-to-roof windows. The walls were lined with framed posters of retro pictures in all sizes and over the counter were a huge blackboard were the menu were written down in nice, colourful calligraphy- at least the title were; The Crows. The rest was written in capital letters with the price right behind. It changes slightly every months. The tables where wooden and it gave some kind of cabin vibe to the place, especially since the different chairs and couches where cushioned with something that looked like a pick and choose of colours. The workers wore black aprons with orange around the neck and the ties. And they usually wore a denim shirt under. On the wall was also three different clocks. One told the time in Tokyo, the second in Los Angeles and the third in London. He really liked that touch.
It suited the coffee shop, since this was a university cafe. Mismatched colours and themes for a sea of students from all over the world.
“Hi, Yamaguchi-kun, off to work?”
“Hi, Suga-san,” he looked up at a silver haired boy with a kind smile and Tadashi felt a smile tug at his lips. Sugawara just had that effect on him. “How did you know I have work?” he asked.
The barista chuckled heartily at the boy. “You always order a coffee to go when you have a shift. The usual?”
Yamaguchi smiled and nodded back. Sugawara was a medical student and were two years older than him. He had worked in this cafe since he moved to Tokyo, coincidently from Miyagi where Yamaguchi himself grew up, and was currently on his fifth year.
“Here you go, Yamaguchi-kun. How was your day? You look tired,” a concerned look crossed his face and Sugawara frowned slightly.
“It was okay, you know the usual. Another lecture after the other. Nothing new,” Yamaguchi half-heartedly muttered back. He shouldn’t be like this towards Sugawara. The older by was one of the few that actually took a couple of minutes to talk to him whenever he came for a cup of joe. “And don’t worry about me, sides these dark rings makes my brown eyes pop.” He joked, and pointed lazily towards his dark, mocha tinted eyes.
Sugawara laughed along with him, but the worry reminded. The barista went over to the pastries and food as Yamaguchi paid and packed a to-go bag with three onigiris with tuna filling and gave it to the freckled boy. He himself looked confused back.
“I didn't ask for this.”
Sugawara shook his head, his kind smile back. “No you didn't, but I want you to eat something before your shift. You have six hours right?” Yamaguchi nodded back. Sometimes he wondered how Sugawara knew so much about him, but he always remembered that the med student had known him since he became a student two year ago. “Sides, we always end up with leftovers that no ones wants to buy even of we give them a big discount.”
Yamaguchi shrugged and took both the coffee and bag in his hand. “If you say so...I hope this don’t cause you any troubles.”
“Don’t worry, my manager likes me.” Kōshi winked at him and chuckled. “Nice nail polish.”
“Well, thanks again, Suga-san.” Yamaguchi smiled back and looked down at his nails. He painted them a vivid navy blue in the weekend. Now it was chipped and worn down. He really should buy some nail polish remover and paint a new coat. “Thanks, I need to re-do them though.”
There where another customer that came to the counter and Yamaguchi knew his conversation with the barista was over. “I need to go now, see you later.”
Sugawara smiled and nodded back as he took the orders of the next guy in line as Yamaguchi made his way out. A cup of black coffee and onigris in hand.
Yamaguchi was lucky that his bookstore didn't carry any uniforms. He just had to be dressed nice and his overlarge sweaters and jeans were enough to satisfy his manager. Even when he worked here almost every day he still didn't get past small talk with his coworkers. They were a few years older and where all busy with masters degrees that needed to be done and some even worked two jobs and there was the things that Yamaguchi really sucked at making any talk in any way.
They passed their shift between calling each other to help with the counter or a customer.
As Yamaguchi was busy stacking a few books back on its shelf, he heard some footsteps coming up in his aisle. He didn't mind. Whoever the customer were, would probably find the book they were looking for and then just leave.
He was holding five different pocket sized books when he turned around and crashed with a stranger. He lost all of the five books and his balance as he landed on the floor with a thud.
Surprised and dumbfounded he looked up and saw a customer. He was tall, taller than Yamaguchi’s 181.6 cm. Short blond locks framed his face, quite nicely, and thin, black glasses made his light, honey coloured eyes stand out even more. He wore an annoyed expression as he raised an eyebrow at Yamaguchi.
“Do you have these three books?” The customer asked and held out a pale, yellow piece of paper.
He didn't even mutter an apology. Who stands right behind someone carrying five books? Yamaguchi briefly though as he stood up and took the small note from the boy. He read over the pale yellow paper quickly and made his way towards the right aisle, the customer following timidly after and the five books forgotten for now.
As Yamaguchi searched for the three books in the right section, he noticed that the books were all about dinosaurs. Was this a palaeontology student? However, these were not books used for classes. They were an entirely different section of the store. These were just hobby books.
Yamaguchi held back a snort. How could a guy that was almost two meters tall be this into dinosaurs. They could be gifts he mused to himself, not to be too judgemental towards a stranger. That would only be a mystery for him.
“Do you need anything else?” he asked the blond as he made his way to the register with the books in hand. The boy shook his head and Yamaguchi began to scan each of the books. He didn't know if he liked the chatty customers or the quiet ones. Both were equally awkward for him too handle. Smalltalk was awkward and pointless in some cases. He did like the idea that his regular customers cared enough to ask him simple and meaningless comments about the weather or exams, but the quiet ones weren't much better. Yamaguchi always felt like he should be the one talking then and he quite frankly never knew what to say.
“That will be 5’200.36 yens. Do you need a bag?” Yamaguchi asked automatically. He was already clutching a plastic bag under the counter. They usually needed one.
“Yes, thank you.” The guy answered back and tapped his pin code and didn't even look at Tadashi.
Yamaguchi bagged the books and handed it to the boy. “Thanks and welcome again.”
The tall man didn't even smile back as he took the bag and made his way out. Yamaguchi puffed his cheeks out slightly, but soon found out that he shouldn't care. It wasn't like this was the first time he had been dealing with distant customer and it would certainly not be the last.
“What happened here?”
Yamaguchi turned his way toward his coworker, soon to be a nurse. The boy stood by the aisle and gestured to the five books that were scattered around it’s shelf.
“Customer," Yamaguchi muttered and bent down to pick them up and continue his work.
His coworker shrugged and made his way to the back again and Yamaguchi wondered why he didn't help him and why that his coworker where in the back when there was nothing to do back there now. He was probably slacking. As much as Yamaguchi wanted to call him out, he didn’t. Maybe karma would do it’s sweet little thing. Tadashi also didn't want any drama between him and his workers and the manager. Unlike them, he really needed this job and that meant just sucking it up sometimes.
He continued his work and took his 15 minute break when he hit the three hours mark on his shift. The lunch room were crammed, but he supposed it was because their manager didn't want too many people in here at once. He ate the onigiris Sugawara gave him earlier and drank the left sips of his cold coffee. The temperatured coffee didn't taste any good, it never did. But he paid for it, and he didn't want to waste his money. It was principle.
The rest of the shift was as uneventful as it usually was. He stacked books, he helped customers. His coworker ended his shift an hour before him and he had to close the store.
He stopped at a corner kiosk and bought some noodle-wok with chicken plus some soda, nail polish remover and, lastly, some groceries that was needed and made his merry way towards his apartment. The clock was 23:40 when he stepped inside. He put his backpack and bags down as he sat down on the genkan to kick his shoes off.
“Tadaima," he called.
“Okaeri,” he talked back to himself as he carried the bags to the kitchen counter.
He really should stop doing that.
He reheated his take out and ate it on the couch while watching tv. He knew he had some homework, but luckily he didn't have a lecture before 14:00 tomorrow. So if he stood up before eight tomorrow he could get a few hours of studying before he needed to go to the university.
With his dinner half eaten and soda drunken up, he lied down on his rug beside the coach. He had to push the table away slightly to make room. The tv was still on, but the sound turned into white noise in his ears.
Another day just went by and another one had already started. Yamaguchi sighed and briefly though he should buy some cactuses to replace his dead plants. At least they would live longer even he he end up killing them too. He should also buy some some frames so he could frame the few pictures he had hung all over the apartment. It was all by dogs, cats and a few birds he had taken in the park and such with his old camera. He used the library's printers to make copies of them and hung them up around his apartment using clear tape. He didn't have anyone else to take photos of, so why not the cutest animals in the world.
Change his apartment up a little bit.
Change.
That is what he needed. Just change. Yamaguchi needed to change. He needed friends, new curtains for his bedroom and he needed new potted plants. The latter was easier to deal with than the former.