Work Text:
“Merlin, are you seeing this?”
“Aye, lad. It’s a tiny little girl bench-pressing a car.”
Galahad took a step closer.
“Do not engage.” Harry’s voice cut through the comms. “I mean it, Eggsy.”
“Is that a fucking sword?” Eggsy rubbed his eyes as the tiny girl took the head from the thing that had been trying to paste her with the car.
“Is there anyone else around?” Harry’s voice wasn’t quite so pointed now that Eggsy had retreated crouching behind one of the larger trash bins in the alley.
“Not that I’ve seen.” A movement out of the corner of his eye had Eggsy looking upward. “Wait, yeah. There’s a bloke what looks like the smashed headless prat filming it on his phone.”
“Isolating the signal and shutting down all outgoing access from that phone, and done. There wasn’t any data transmitting from that phone.”
“So, he must just be filming. Eggsy? If the girl doesn’t go for it, you must get that phone.”
“Sure thing.” Eggsy started plotting his way up the side of the building. He’d have to be quick to grab the phone.
“And Eggsy?”
“Yes, Haz?”
“No unnecessary risks. Do not let it get a good look at you. If you can’t get the phone, let it go.”
“Right. No pressure. What about the little girl?”
“What about her?”
Eggsy stilled as the blade of another sword was resting on his shoulder. “Um, just asking if I should go help her. Or, you know, not. Merlin, Arthur?”
“Tell him about the filming, Eggsy.”
“There’s a bloke about three stories up filming the whole thing.”
“Shit. Fuck.” The sword moved about an inch away from Eggsy’s neck while still firmly on his shoulder. “I can’t get him from here and Tania is busy.” They watched the girl take on two more of the things. She was laughing as she punched and kicked her way through her two, now three opponents.
“You have permission to engage only at a distance, Galahad.” Came Harry’s calm voice.
“I can shoot him.” Eggsy told the person behind him. “My boss said I can help long-range.”
“That will only piss it off, and we normally leave close-range to the girls.”
“I can get a headshot from here.” Eggsy nodded slowly carefully not moving his shoulder. “Should slow it down, yeah?” He nodded at the girl finishing off the third thing. They’d missed the second.
“I don’t want to distract Tania, but I’ll try to get filming guy to stand up.” The man whistled loudly and jumped out from behind the dumpster. Tania beheaded the third thing and began fighting the fourth in earnest.
Once the sword finally moved away and Eggsy wasted no time in standing and sighting on the thing’s head. Unloading a few rounds, he waited until the thing had stopped moving and flopped forward. The phone clattered to the ground before the thing finally tipped over the metal railing.
The girl finished the fourth and whirled around after the gun went off. The clatter and heavy thump had her taking a step towards them. Turning, Eggsy finally got a look at the person who had brushed past him. He was in his forties, wearing a button-down, jeans and work boots. The eye patch was surprising, but he was used to Harry’s so it didn’t faze him much. Eggsy winced as the man took the thing’s head as well. Eggsy didn’t know what was going on, but random dismemberment was not on.
“Alexander LaVelle Harris. American living in London after a house fire in Ohio, and, oh.”
“Oh. Oh, what, Merlin?” Eggsy asked.
“Stop, Merlin.”
“Harry.”
“I’m serious, Merlin. Not a button more.”
“Haz?”
“You should be alright, Eggsy. Offer to get information off the phone for them. Call it a friendly courtesy. I’ve known the current head of their organization since we were boys, and if something is moving into London we’d be better off giving them as much help as we can without compromising ongoing missions.”
“Right.” Eggsy called out, holstering his weapon. “So if you’re done with taking that thing apart, my boss says we can get whatever info you need off that phone. He’s known your head guy since they’s both sprogs.”
“What? You’re telling me I can’t do any background on them but giving up our services for free?” Merlin groused in Eggsy’s ear.
“No thanks.” The girl finally spoke. She wasn’t even winded.
“We’re fine.” The man agreed.
“Give him our number, Eggsy.” Harry urged.
He reached into the inside pocket of his suit and both the girl and the man tensed.
“Just getting a card out,” Eggsy said, removing the card and pen slowly. “Arthur wants to give your guy his number.”
“Tell them the offer stands.”
“The offer stands. If something’s moving into London we definitely have a stake in it, so let us know, yeah?” Eggsy was puzzled at their attempts to smother laughter, but he’d take that over a sword at his neck any day.