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Natasha slides through the front door silently, shutting it without a sound behind her. She places her tactical bag on the floor near the door and toes off her shoes. The foyer is dark and quiet in the early hours of the morning as it should be.
Her body hurts. The bruised ribs on her left side ache with every breath and her eye still throbs even after the heavy painkillers medical had forced down her throat. The mark is sure to leave a spectacular black eye if it hasn’t already formed. Not to mention the hole in her shoulder that medical hastily stitched up.
It took a whole lot of threatening the medical staff to keep her current physical state under wraps from the commander of SHIELD. She needed some time to herself before she would let herself be anywhere near Maria.
She braces her good arm against the wall as she leans her forehead against it, so relived to be home, but feeling so empty. It took everything she had to walk back into this house, the home she built with the woman she trusts more than anyone.
Maybe Maria is the only person she really can trust, because right now she can’t even trust herself.
She almost didn’t come back twice.
Once when a bullet sliced through her shoulder and she had to wait an excruciating half an hour before the extraction team could get her out. She almost passed out and gave into the blinding pull of darkness, but the picture of a smiling brunette she keeps tucked into her suit gave her the strength to fight it off.
Twice when she was so shaken by what she did, by what was done to her, she wanted to run as far as she could to erase the chance of ever hurting anyone she loves.
A soft muted sound pulls her out of her dark swirling thoughts. The rhythmic melody of the piano in the living room floats through the walls. Natasha just stands against the wall for a few minutes with her eyes closed, listening to Maria run through a couple songs.
She knows that Maria will come downstairs and fiddle on the piano if she’s having a restless night. With no contact from Natasha during her deep undercover mission, its likely she has been sleep deprived for months.
When the music suddenly stops, Natasha comes back to herself and pushes off the wall slowly. The hoodie she is wearing masks the extent of her injuries to prying eyes, but she knows Maria will notice how she favors one shoulder anyway.
Natasha wanders down the hallway and into the living room where she sees Maria studying some sheet music propped up on the ledge of the piano lid. She uses her the pad of her finger to trace along the notes of the paper, learning another new song Natasha supposes.
With Maria’s back to Natasha, she takes a moment to really watch her.
She admires the gentle slope of her shoulders through her oversized thin shirt and the smooth muscle of her arms as she rests her fingers on the keys. The moonlight coming through the window paints her skin a beautiful white in the darkness as she begins to move her fingers across the keys again. Maria sways back and forth with the music as she plays, lost in the rhythm and sounds she creates.
Natasha has the urge to just be with her, to hold her and caress her cheek. She wants to nuzzle into the safe crook of her neck and live there forever, where no one can hurt her again. Where she never has to hurt anyone else again. She wants to attach herself to Maria and never let go.
As Natasha takes a few steps into the room, Maria goes still. Her fingers freeze in place as she tenses her entire body. Natasha stops and waits for Maria to turn and face her.
When their eye meet Natasha can see the brief relief and happiness, but then her expression fades to worry at the state of her bruised face. Maria shifts more fully towards her and looks over her body with a quick glance, trying to pinpoint other injuries.
Natasha moves towards her, noticing Maria’s gentle concern at her stiff movements and the way she keeps her right arm tucked into her side. She is right in front of Maria when the woman opens her mouth to speak, but Natasha quiets her with a gentle hum as she lifts her good arm to caress Maria’s cheek.
She leans into the soft hand, placing her own overtop it and grasping it to place a loving kiss on the inside of Natasha’s palm. Maria looks up to her with a silent question, her dark sapphire eyes flitting from one moss green eye to the other.
Natasha shakes her head slowly, letting her eyes fall shut and her head dip down.
Not right now. I need more time.
Instead she moves her hand to slide it behind Maria’s neck and she holds it there. Letting her fingers slide through the short hair at the nape of her neck as the thumb slides across her cheekbone in a soothing motion.
Maria sighs contently, reaching out to place a warm hand on Natasha’s waist as she waits her out. She knows how bad some mission can be for Natasha, the memories they dredge up and the guilt that eats at her.
“I missed you Nat,” Maria breathes softly.
They relish in the others touch for a long moment, Maria letting Natasha take whatever she needs from her.
“Play for me Masha,” Natasha whispers out.
Maria pulls back from her caress and slides her hand off her waist to look up at her. She reaches for Natasha’s hand and holds it between her own, raising it to place a chase kiss to her bruised knuckles.
“Ok,” she murmurs against her hand.
She drops the hand as she turns around on the music bench and shuffles through her music to find a song to play. She finds a piece and lays it out on the ledge, settling into the seat as her fingers skim across the keys to get in position.
The tightness in Natasha’s chest starts to unwind as Maria begins the song. Her hands flex as she moves through different chords, humming along with the song. She dips her head as she gets captured in the soothing flow of the song, starting to gently sway again and nod her head along.
Natasha watches her entranced, letting the rhythm of the song soothe the war waging between her ears. She admires her neck muscles as they flex in time with her arms gliding across the keys. As her mind calms, she itches to be close to Maria. She needs the contact.
As Maria hums and plays, Natasha moves to slide in behind Maria on the piano bench. Her shoulder and ribs ache as she wraps her arms snuggly around Maria’s waist, but she needs the comfort too much to care. Her things bracket Maria’s bare legs as she settles against her back. Maria scoots forward just a little to give her more room, all the while still perfectly playing notes in time with her gentle humming.
Natasha leans her head forward to rest it between Maria’s shoulders near the bottom of her neck. She lets her eyes fall shut as she feels the gentle vibrations of the brunettes humming. Natasha doesn’t recognize the song, but she instantly falls in love with it.
Natasha moves to nuzzle into the side of Maria’s neck and breathe in her scent.
“Sing for me,” she rasps against warm skin.
Maria plays through the first chorus and then starts to sing along. Her voice is raspy and soft, perfectly matching the songs tone. Natasha melts against her back, hugging her tighter as her eyes begin to well with tears.
“You're in my head
When my heart's at war
And if I'm ever scared
I'll breathe the air in front of your door
But I will never knock
That's as far as I'll go
It's only in my dreams
When I say what I mean
But I'll get there near close
Yeah I'll get there”
Sitting against Maria she feels like she can finally breathe for the first time in months. She can feel the hot tears escaping down her cheeks, but she stays where she is. Safe against her other half.
Maria feels the tears against her neck and the slight shudder of her body against her back.
Natasha showing her this, letting her see this emotion is more than enough. Maria continues to play and softly sing as Natasha clutches to her with everything she has. Her hands move back and forth across the keys, flexing and gliding as she manipulates the instrument in front of her. Her voice like silk as she finishes off the song.
“Cause I'm here right now
If you'd take the time
To let me stumble through
How I feel about you
As I mess up my life
And you'll hear me out
Let's just say you will
Cause if I mouth these words
Well I'll crash and burn
You'll take me still
My hands are tied
Around you tonight
My hands are tied
Around you tonight”
When the song comes to an end, Maria moves her hands to hold onto the ones around her waist. She stokes her thumbs over Natasha’s shaking hands, giving her as much time as she needs.
She would give Natasha anything she asked for. Anything.
When the shudders come to an end and the tears stop burning trails down her neck, Maria runs her hand soothingly over Natasha’s forearm.
“Come on love, let’s go to bed,” is all she says.
Natasha nods against her neck, unraveling herself from around the other woman. Maria stands up first to slide off the bench and then turns to take Natasha’s hands to slowly pull her up, frowning when Natasha winces. She takes her hand in hers as she leads them to their bedroom, walking slowly because she knows Natasha hasn’t told her the extent of her injuries.
Maria guides her to sit on the edge of their bed, wandering back into the closet to pull out one of her old army shirts and a pair of boxer shorts for Natasha to sleep in. She sets the clothes next to Natasha and moves to gently cup her face in her hands, wiping away the remaining tears.
“Can you show me? I don’t want to hurt you Nat”
Natasha meets her gaze with a tired expression. She doesn’t have to ask to clarify what Maria means, they have gone through this before. She uses her left hand to softly run over the fabric of her right shoulder and then slides it down her left side over her ribs. Maria nods in response and then leans in to kiss her forehead tenderly.
“Is it ok if I undress you?”
Natasha nods once, her eyes falling closed again as the exhaustion seems to hit her all at once.
Maria pulls back and reaches for the bottom of her hoodie, slowly tugging it up along with her shirt. Natasha lifts her left arm to help out but doesn’t even try to move her right. Maria lifts the clothing off her arm and over her head, but carefully maneuvers it down the right arm to cause as little pain as possible to Natasha. Maria tosses the clothing to the ground as she eyes her bandaged shoulder warily.
“I’m going to hope that you didn’t get shot and neglect to tell me”
Natasha opens her eyes to blink up at her, reaching out to tangling her fingers on the hem of Maria’s shirt as she looks back down to the floor.
Maria sighs and creases her eyebrows together.
“Oh Nat,” she sighs sadly.
She caresses her cheek, her heart aching for the woman in front of her.
She couches down between Natasha’s legs to examine her bruised ribs.
“Fracture?”
She shakes her head back and forth. Just bruised.
She leans forward to place the softest kiss against the angry array of colors under her breast, the sensation feeling like a feather dragging across her skin.
She stands back up and reaches around Natasha to unclip her bra. The straps sag around her arms as Maria pulls it away from her skin, leaving her open and bare. Maris then grabs her shirt she pulled out and slides it over Natasha’s head, aware of how much she dislikes being naked when she is in a headspace like this. It takes her a good minute to carefully get Natasha’s right arm through the hole.
Next, she unbuttons the regulation cargo pants around Natasha’s hips and gently tugs them down. Nothing more than a few bruises littered her legs.
“I need you to stand up for a minute”
Maria reaches out to help Natasha stand up, steading her as she sleepily sways. She quickly pulls down her underwear and then gets her to step into a comfy pair of boxer shorts one leg at a time. She pulls them up her hips and then stands to place a kiss on the tip of her nose.
Natasha looks up into her eyes, moving her left hand up to cup Maria’s cheek.
“I love you,” Natasha breathes as she holds her gaze.
Maria smiles softly and leans in to kiss her. Natasha kisses her back slowly, getting lost in the loving embrace of her lips. Maria breaks it off and places a warm kiss to her forehead.
“I love you too my little spider,” she murmurs against her forehead.
Natasha frowns at the nickname as Maria cups her face in her hands and softly chuckles at her reaction. Natasha lets a gentle smile grace her face as she watches Maria grin at her.
“There’s my girl,” Maria breathes with a pleased smile, leaning in for another kiss.
Natasha hums into the kiss, opening her lips to allow Maria to deepen it. They keep it loving and soft, letting each other know how much they missed one another, but knowing not to start something that neither of them are in a place to finish.
Natasha pulls away to rest her head against Maria’s chest, taking comfort in the rhythm of her heartbeat against her cheek. The steady thump more comforting to Natasha than any song Maria could play her.
“let’s go to sleep, we can talk in the morning,” Maria says muffled into her hair.
She nods in agreement and lets Maria pull away. It takes a lot of carful movements and experimenting to find a position comfortable to sleep in for Natasha, but they figure it out. She refuses to fall asleep without being in contact with Maria, so she finally finds comfort laying on her left side and urges Maria to wrap around her with a quiet,
“hold me Masha.”
Maria moves in close against her as gently as she can, tugging Natasha flush against her front. Her arm wraps around her waist as Natasha hugs a pillow to her front to keep her shoulder stable. They are settled in and Natasha can already feel herself drifting off. Maria tucks her face into the back of Natasha’s neck, her breath tickling her skin with every gentle exhale and she breathes her in. Natasha wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Thank you”
A gentle squeeze around Natasha’s waist says enough, and she finally lets herself drift off in Maria’s arms.