Archive of Our Own ^beta

it starts when she’s fourteen.

almost fifteen. she’s just a month shy of turning fifteen – or, they are anyway. and when she’s fourteen, about to be fifteen, strolling down the block to the corner store with a neatly printed list her father has given her, is when things flip on their head.

she has limited duties. the whole being-the-sole-one-without-powers thing really doesn’t leave you with much to do when the entire day is orchestrated around the superpowered siblings. so, what she does get she takes heartily.

and the one thing she does get is being the errand runner. there’s a corner store about two blocks from the mansion; a 24/h one, that has everything from fresh produce to office supplies to drain cleaner. her job is to go and get pen refills for her father; he remains adamant that it’s the only store nearby that sells the refills that don’t dry up within an hour of using them. vanya doesn’t mind going. in fact, it makes her feel useful. as she grows up, she’ll wonder if her father was perhaps doing it on purpose – giving her some sense of involvement, of feeling useful, since she was left out from everything else. that would imply he was capable of such empathetic thought. she doesn’t know, and she won’t ever.

it doesn’t matter. it was nice to feel like a part of things, no matter the reasons behind it. she got to help, got some fresh air, and if she has extra pocket money, she gets her favourite hubba-bubba gum.

it starts off the same. she steps through the automatic doors, busying in past adults waists and through thick groups of families. even outside the house, no one really seems to see that she’s there. she grabs the pen refills, and makes her way to the counter. she only has twenty minutes after all, and father keeps her on a regimented schedule timed by his stopwatch. so she places the pens on the counter, grabs the hubba-bubba packet (blue raspberry, her favourite flavour) from beside the tic-tacs, and looks up, sliding the twenty dollar bill over to the older italian woman who’s standing there like always.

‘hello mrs. romano.’ vanya greeted quietly. her mother had always instilled polite manners in them, no matter that her brothers never minded them.

‘well hello ms. vanya.’ the woman replies in her thick accent, giving her a smile as she rings the items. the woman was known to be a bit tough, so vanya secretly enjoyed that she seemed to like her ‘how are you honey? are your violin lessons going well?’

‘oh, yes, they’re going good thank you..–’

she trails off. there’s a girl. a girl her age. she’s sat on a stool a few feet behind the counter, reading a thick book vanya can’t see the title of. no one ever sits back there. she’s got wispy, curly blonde hair haphazardly put up in a bun, beautifully messy as it falls in her face. she looks up when she hears the conversation, looking vanya straight in the eyes.

vanya feels her stomach collapse inwards. all of the red rushes up into her cheeks. the girl has the bluest eyes imaginable. they’re ice, nearly see-through by how light they were – electric. vanya just stares, feeling fuzzy all over.

and then just like that, the girl smiles. it’s a bit shy but it spreads wide, bright, enough to light the room. she smiles at her. her chest is too tight.

‘...isn’t your father wondering where you are?’

vanya blinks back to reality. ms. romano is staring down at her with a raised brow, smile gone. there’s a five dollar bill and a couple coins on top of her pile of things, including a receipt. oh god. how long had she been standing here?

‘..yes!’ vanya said rather loudly, hastily gathering her things into her arms, noticing mystery girl ducking her head back down into her book, cheeks also red and pressing back a smile ‘he-he is, I’m sorry, I’ll go, thank you!’

she runs the entire two blocks back home. her mother takes her temperature three different times because of how hot it is, even after she’d laid down on her bed for an hour.

-

the next time she goes, she’s already nervous.

she’s only allowed to go twice a week. that’s the only time her father runs out of pens and needs more. so, if that’s the case, there’s a reality she won’t see mystery girl again. what would she say to her anyway? it’s not like she’d ever interested in her, extra ordinary vanya.

the store’s rather busy today, so she can’t see who’s at the counter. she gathers her things and get her place in line, scanning the rows of sugary delights. this time, she gets a green packet of gum. green apple. she’s the last in line, so when the rather tall, buff guy is finished paying for his gatorade, he steps away to reveal wild curls and ice blue.

vanya’s heart slams to her feet. the girl meets the startled brown eyes, a smile crawling over her glossed lips.

‘hi.’

‘h-hi..’ vanya manages. it takes her a second, but then she clicks into her surroundings, quickly shoving her stuff onto the counter.

the encounter is pretty basic, the girl asking the simple is this all? and would you like bag? that vanya stutters out her answers to. she’s just trying to remember to breathe right, honestly, head down, gaze practically melting through the counter. it wasn’t until after, the girl taking the twenty her dad gave her, that she hears,

‘..do you really play violin?’

her head whips up. blue eyes are on her, curious and bright. oh god – it’s okay, inhale, exhale, one, two...

‘uh, y-yes, I do..’

slowly, another small smile comes over. vanya’s chest constricts.

‘cool.’

‘cool?’ vanya furrows. no one has ever described her violin playing as cool.

‘yeah.’ she reiterates, punching more buttons into the register that makes the tray pop out ‘I play cello, so..’

‘oh.’ vanya perks up with interest ‘that’s..really cool.’

the girl shrugs modestly. with ease, a humble attitude that wasn’t like the small, shy way vanya shrugged off compliments.

‘not really. I mean, violins gotta be more impressive. smaller instruments, you’re playing at a weird angle..’ she turns back to vanya, another smile ‘and it must take some strength to withstand all those kinks in your neck..’

vanya can’t help it, smiling back. before thinking about what she was saying, she nervously blurted,

‘but cello’s good too – bigger instrument, more intimidating, and..you must get strong arms from holding it up all the time..’

a pause, and then there’s a giggle. her button nose even scrunches up as she does. she made her laugh. it’s like vanya just came first place in a marathon.

the girl finishes up her transaction, sliding the stuff back to vanya. vanya reluctantly takes it, not wanting the moment to be over.

‘..I’m mia, by the way.’

‘oh,’ vanya looks back, tries to say with clarity ‘I’m vanya..’

‘I know.’ mia grins. I know. vanya brightens like the tip of a match ignited. or that’s just the heat in her cheeks. there’s another customer shuffling up behind them, so sadly, they have to depart. mia moves back to the register, but not before giving her one last smile.

‘see you later, violin vanya..’

vanya ends up finishing that packet of hubba-bubba in two days, because she can’t stop smiling everytime she puts a stick on her tongue.

-

the third time she goes, she’s excited.

a little anxious, but mostly excited. praying for mia to be there. she doesn’t know what she’ll say, or do, but the idea of getting to see the pretty smile and share the couple words was enough to lighten vanya completely.

when she enters, no one’s there. it wasn’t until she collected her things and came to the cashier. mia was in front, but she’s in front of the counter, restocking rows of oh henry’s and reese’s pieces on the shelves. she’s in ripped jeans and her hair is pinned back, curls breaking out, still everywhere. her heart expands in her throat, closing off any words, but mia hears the clack of her buckle-up on the tile first. she spins, vanya holds her breath, but then the ice eyes brighten.

‘oh hey!’ she stands up, hands still full of colourful wrappers ‘it’s violin vanya.’

‘h-hey! um, sorry, to interrupt..’

‘no! no, you didn’t. I’m um..actually glad you’re here. I was wondering if you’d come today..’

vanya’s cheeks turn rosy. someone actually thought of her?

‘r-really?’

‘really.’

‘oh..’

mia giggles. there was a pause of silence, rolling on as nervous gazes starring into the floor and small smiles were shared in between.

‘do-do you need any help?..’

‘oh, no, I’m almost done..’ she leans down, putting the rest of the candy with their respective piles ‘we actually, uh, we got more of your favourite gum today..’

she spins around, yanking up the flaps of a nearby box. vanya carefully inches forward, peering over her shoulder. surely, the box was chalk full of hubba-bubba, all lined up in flavours, stacks of electric blue, lime green, hot pink.

‘which one’s your favourite?’

‘oh, the blue raspberry..’

‘ooh, the sourest flavour.’ mia leans in to dig it out, reappearing with a grin ‘hardcore.’

vanya laughs, shaky ‘I-I guess. what about..what about you?’

‘I like pink – the bubblegum flavour.’

vanya starts smiling, nodding to herself. of course.

‘what?..’ mia squints at her.

‘oh, uh, sorry – it um...it just makes sense.’

‘how?’

‘..it’s the brightest colour.’

it shone the most. it was the happiest. and that was just like mia. vanya didn’t know how else to really explain that; she found her words weren’t coming out, and mia had to think that was stupid.

but the blonde must’ve been a mindreader, or there was some secret understanding passed between, as a smile appeared. different then the teasing grin; gentler, the strawberry gloss on her lips glinting. vanya felt herself grow redder. mia did the same, clearing her throat.

‘um, here, why don’t I actually let you pay for those –’

she must’ve spun around too fast. lost her footing somewhere, suddenly slipping. vanya had little time to react as mia’s back hit the stack of boxes, falling down. quickly enough, she reached out, snatching the pale wrist and pulling her upright. so mia was saved, but the contents were not, spilling out all over the floor as the boxes toppled down. soon, they were in a sea of reflective wrappers and packets, scattered about like shot down soldiers laying amunsgt the grass.

‘oh no..’ mia gasped, eyes blown ‘oh shit, god –’

there was sudden stomping. mia’s head whipped over, vanya following, to the back door nearby, the one that connected up to the apartment above the store. a harsh female voice hollered,

‘amelia?! what is going on down there?!’

mia gasped sharply, all colour in her face leaving. vanya knew that voice. it was the voice dad used when klaus tried to wear mom’s shoes. when he caught ben trying to lock himself away to avoid training. when diego and luther got into a fight and his first warning yell to stop wasn’t enough. she knew what that voice meant, stomach twisting up.

the doorknob suddenly twisted, door starting to open. mia was slowly backing away. vanya then did the sole thing she could think of in that moment.

she gently pushed mia back, and after crashed down onto her knees, palms down on the floor, across the mass of candy like you’d think she’d fallen if you didn’t know better. the door came open, revealing a red-faced and storming mrs. r omano.

‘what did you do you –..’

it drifted off when she saw vanya strewn on the ground, mia feet away. anger dissipated, replaced with befuddled shock.

‘miss vanya..’

‘I-I’m so sorry mrs. romano.’ vanya told her, getting back up perfectly nervously ‘I came over to speak to mia, and, I just tripped. it’s my fault. I’m so sorry to interrupt the work, a-and now I’ve ruined everything, please let me help clean it –’

‘no – no no..’ the older woman suddenly found her voice again, brow bushed but not nearly as red ‘that’s..alright. if you’re not hurt, there is nothing to cry over..’

she turned sharply to her daughter, becoming tough-skinned again.

‘you’ll take care of this; help miss vanya pay for her things, and then clean up this mess.’

mia, who’d been standing blankly this entire time, ducks her head down.

‘yes ma..’

sadly, the rest of their time was in silence. miss romano had stayed to at least put the boxes back, keep the product out the aisles, gently shooing vanya away as she tried to help. mia was quiet, but vanya knew it wasn’t sullen, handing back the brunette’s things to afterwards run to the mess her mother was yelling at her to address, and vanya had left without even really getting to say goodbye.

but it’s later, after she delivers the supplies to her father’s desk, she finds the blue gum packet she doesn’t remember getting underneath the items. she turns it over to see something written on the back.

Vanya,

Thanks for coming to my rescue :)

– Mia

when she finishes the gum, she doesn’t dare throw the packet out. she instead stores it in that lavender, faux velvet jewellery box that held no jewellery, and sometimes, when they’re out on missions and she’s forced to stand back watching her siblings save lives and the crowds give their applause for the limelight they bask in, she puts it in her pocket. and grips on to it tight.

-

vanya doesn’t know how allison got ahold of the magazine; they were already allowed so little, and she would’ve had no opportunity to get it. regardless, she had it. maybe it had to do with the fact that the umbrella academy did a special for it that she was allowed to have it.

there she was anyway, in the baby pink walls of allison’s room, atop the fluffy comforter beside her sister. allison had waved her over earlier, grinning with a secret she wanted to show vanya. the brunette couldn’t hide her excitement; so often, she’d watched allison at the table, talking with luther or painting klaus’s nails, and just praying on the moment she would acknowledge her. the fact she was calling her over, just the two of them, was something.

allison held the magazine in her lap, flipping over the umbrella academy interview to find what she was after ‘I had to sneak out to get this, but it’s so worth it.’

‘how?’

‘because they did a photo op with – them.” she grinned excitedly, pointing at the paper. it was pictures of nsync. they were dressed in their typical fashion, gelled hair and making particularly smoldering looks to the camera.

‘I wanted to cut the pages out to put them up.’ she explained to her sister, lit up with legs kicking in the air ‘they’re so cute – don’t you think?’

vanya didn’t really think anything. she guessed they didn’t look bad, but that was about all she thought. though she could tell what kind of answer her sister was looking for, so she said,

‘um, yes.’

‘everybody loves justin, but I think I like jc.’ allison remarked, vanya trying to decipher who that was ‘what about you?’

‘uh, I-I dunno..’

‘c’mon.’ she rolled her eyes to the side, another grin ‘you can say. who do you think is cute?’

vanya would love to if she could. rather she sat panicking, the silence stretching out to become thinner and thinner. she needed an answer fast. she decided to point to the one who had the particularly curly blond hair, and was wearing a nice button-up.

‘I-I like his shirt..’

allison furrowed. clearly the wrong answer.

‘that’s it?..’

‘yes?..’

a rough sigh. vanya wilted. the one time her sister invites her to bond, and she does it wrong.

‘well who do you like then? like I also like leo dicaprio, is there anyone else? ’

vanya pauses. considering. what would be the response, if she said it wasn’t boys in bands with rythmic dance moves, but rather long blond curls and a pretty smile that made her feel like she could stand at the top of the world?

‘..I-I –’

a chiming bell.

‘children! dinner!’

allison sighed in disappointment, closing the magazine and sliding it under her pillow. she pushed off he bed and exited out the door, not looking back at her sister. vanya felt herself growing smaller.

-

this was new.

vanya had just been in the right place at the right time. down in the kitchen, about to ask her mother if she’d seen her sheet music she’d misplaced, only to find the woman with her hands on her hips and looking as sternly as she can at the collection of ingredients in front of her.

what’s wrong mom?

well, I thought I had enough eggs to make some dessert brownies for you all, but the last three must’ve gotten up and walked off! now I’m not sure what I’ll do!

a perfect opportunity.

oh, I-I can go mom! I’ll just go to the store down the street, where I get dad’s stuff. I know where to go, it won’t take long at all! please?

and just like that, that calculated smile came over her. she gave vanya a what a good daughter I have!, ten bucks and a pat on the head. so now vanya travelled down, seven at night with dusk over the sky and her thick coat.

given how late it was, she wasn’t sure who’d be in. the store was quiet, vanya got her eggs from the frozen section, and, because she wasn’t being timed this trip, went about snooping. finally, in the aisle of off-brand chips and ramen, there was mia, a bucket and mop in hand. she was hard at work, not noticing her learer. now was vanya’s chance. the brunette stepped back, took in a breath, and prepared. she can do this.

‘can I help?’ she turns the corner, blonde head whipping up ‘I promise not to knock anything over this time..’

‘what’re you doing here?’ mia grinned, leaning against the banged-up mop handle.

vanya held up her carton, one bow raised ‘uh, egg emergency?..’

a laugh ‘if you say so..’

‘really, you need any help?..’

‘nah – you keep coming when I’m already done.’ she kicks away the bucket, resting the mop up against the shelves ‘now comes the best part..’

mia flashes her a maniac look before rushing off. she stops at the top of the aisle, vanya squinting down from the middle as she sees her pull off her scuffed hot pink converse. she backs up a little, and before vanya can truly worry, she’s rushing down right into the shiny, slick floor with nothing but socks and wild determination. vanya watches, somewhere between panic and amusement, mia slide right across the floor, laughter and curls whipping everywhere.

she careened closer and closer to vanya, the brunette left with nothing to do but hold her arms out and grasp mia before she went face-first into the chip bags. her nails dug into the sweater, mia grapping the thick black overcoat sleeves, feet still skidding and laughing as vanya pulled her up. vanya couldn’t help laughing either, though her brow remained raised.

‘that’s the fun part?’ she clarified ‘I’m anxious just watching that.’

‘of course it is. haven’t you ever tried that?’

‘well, no..’

‘at all? there’s no fun in the academy?..’ mia put her finger over the embroidered logo on the overcoat, tracing. vanya clammed right up. so she had noticed.

she waited then, for the onslaught. for the questions. for what her siblings could do. how they trained. how many people they’d saved. no, fun was virtually banned. she put her head down, avoiding bright eyes.

sensing the hesitation, mia switched up the silence, taking vanya’s hand. the rate of how fast her heart sped up could almost be concerning.

‘c’mon. we can try it.’

vanya wasn’t really a trier, but regardless she found herself at the top of the aisle anyway. vanya had removed her shoes, and they were clutching hands and backing up, resembling something of a bull ready to burst out the gate.

‘ready...set..’

‘are you sure this is –’

‘go!’

vanya’s tripping behind mia, trying to keep pace as they ran. suddenly the sturdy ground was out from under her and out of nowhere she was gliding. it was hard to take in much at once, the colours of snack bags whipping by them, going as fast as lighting, laughter echoing around her and heart wildly in a panic. but, in those couple seconds, mia’s hand wrapped in hers, freely out of control –

vanya was flying.

she felt laughter bubbling out, other hand grasping mia’s arm and her doing the same, mixed together as they spun round and round on the wet floor, trying to find their footing. thankfully they got it before crashing, vanya grasping onto the metal shelf, pulling them up against it right next to the funions and knock-off doritos. they were trying to control their giggling, out of breath, mia’s ears red and her nose scrunched up and she couldn’t have looked prettier.

‘see, knew you had it in you v...’

v. vanya shone.

‘yeah..guess I just needed a shove..’

she leaves shortly after that, once a sixteen-year-old boy showed up to tell mia they were looking for her upstairs (‘my dork of a brother’). she gives another smile and until next time as they depart.

so vanya went back with wet socks and a happiness she didn’t know what to do with.

but that she liked.

-

this was going to be a disaster.

it’s hilarious, that diego was actually pretending to be her protector. it’s only because her mother was so worried about her going alone on her usual errant, that her father instructed diego to go with her just to get the concerned nagging off his back. there’d been a rash of armed robberies along the block recently, and given vanya had no training, her mom said someone should at least go with her in case there was trouble. so diego did, armed and ready, all too willing to show off his new knife set to a bad guy come the opportunity.

and vanya could not be more upset. because mia was going to be there; she’d already seen her a good couple times over the past two weeks since their amateur skating attempt, and dare she say, they were starting to build something of a friendship. now though, mia was going to see diego, and the second she does, vanya was going to fade away like the end to a cheesy movie. mia wasn’t going to want her after seeing her superpowered sibling; the whole reason this was working was because she hadn’t.

she prays today’s the one day mia isn’t here, but of course, that hasn’t worked before, so why now? mia is stationed at the counter with no line up, breezing through another book. vanya takes in a sigh of courage before she totes her things and her brother up.

‘hey vanya!’ mia perks right up, not seeming to read her friend’s reluctance.

‘hey..’ vanya tries to smile back for her sake. mia’s eyes then shift to the body beside her, already making vanya’s stomach twist up, unlike the pleasant way before.

‘oh.’ mia sounds surprised, if not with a little of forced politeness ‘who’s this..? one of your brothers?’

‘diego..’ vanya sighs. diego, stoic as always, just gives her a nod in response.

‘ah – I guess you’re here because of the robberies..’

he nods avidly, puffing up his chest a little that his knives are strapped across. taking her change quietly, vanya waited for mia to ask for more, the how do you do its and how many people did you save in that bank? she didn’t. she raised a single brow at him, and not necessarily in the impressed way.

‘and you’re what?..’ she looked him up and down ‘knifey guy...?’

vanya snorted. diego furrowed, lava hot temper showing, snarling at her,

‘shut up.’

‘sorry..’ vanya muttered, head low. mia furrowed at them.

‘knife throwing.’ he gruffly clarified ‘I-I have a kill count of twenty guys. if a robber c-came in here, I could one-shot him no problem.’

a nd before anyone could stop him, he’d slid out one of his knives. a flick of his hand and a glint through the air, the knife went soaring, slicing through an abandoned apple left atop the boxes at the back wall behind mia. the blonde blinked back, diego stood with a smirk, and vanya had to hide her rolling eyes. finally,

‘..yeah. good thing you were here.’ mia drawls, the slow raise of one of her brows ‘that apple was looking real shifty..’

diego went from 100 all the way to 0. you’d never seen something deflate so fast. the gobsmacked look on his face was so good vanya had to physically stiffen her laugh.

‘hey, so, v,’ mia went right back to grinning at vanya, leaning over to grasp her wrist ‘I think I finally learned how to play that part in..’

diego left without her. that was fine by vanya. she’d been so busy listening to mia, she hadn’t even seen him leave until mia pointed it out.

‘does he always talk to you like that?..’

vanya only shrugged, deciding to ignore the constant teasing she faces over the dinner table ‘I dunno...it’s just diego..’

‘well, he shouldn’t. you don’t deserve it.’

vanya hadn’t ever considered if she did or not; it was just what happened, she was the chew toy. she walked back that day with an even lighter step, and though she didn’t dwell on the words, the next dinner when she asked their father if the next time they went out on a mission they could also get new strings for her violin, and diego sneered ‘what? so y-you can play background music for us instead of just stan-standing there?’, vanya could snap back ‘no amount of music is going to make you look cool, knifey guy.’

klaus swooping in to grin ‘hey diego, you want any polysporin for that burn?’ saved her from his wrath, and she was able to sit proudly for a second in her glory, agreeing, yeah, she really didn’t.

-

the matter of it being their birthday doesn’t stop reginald hargreeves.

he still needed his things. so off vanya went; not that it mattered to her. seeing mia was like getting a birthday present anyway.

‘your birthday?!’ mia gaped after weaseling out why vanya was so dressed up today ‘why the hell didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?!’

‘sorry..’ vanya smiled bashfully ‘and it-it’s not really my birthday..’

‘what do you mean?’

‘we..we don’t celebrate it separately..’ she explained ‘..no birthday boy, birthday girl, it’s just...all together..’

‘oh. so wait, you don’t have presents, or your own cake or anything?..’

‘well, no...’

‘god that sucks.’ mia furrows. vanya scoffs dryly.

‘yeah, sucks is a good word..’

there’s a lick of silence. vanya watches the blonde bite into her lip, swearing she could hear the inner cogs churning away. because after, a sly smile creeps on.

‘do you think you can spare a second?..’

like vanya could say no to her. mia instructs her to go around the store, and into the back alleyway. wait for me behind the blue steel door, the one with the cracked window. vanya does, and mia comes out again five minutes later. she’s carrying a red velvet cupcake in her hand, a packet of candles and a banged up lighter.

‘wht-what’re you doing?..’

‘it’s for your birthday, silly.’

mia pulls the purple candle out of the rainbow packet after asking vanya which is her favourite colour, lights it, and then helps the shy girl hold it up between them.

‘y-you didn’t have to do this, you know. I mean, we still get cake in the house anyway..’ vanya tells her. her fingertips are skimming against mia’s as they both hold up the bottom of the cupcake, the light dancing, reflecting in her ice eyes.

‘you should get to have your own.’ mia smiles, flicking blonde strands from her eyes ‘so go on, make a wish..’

vanya does, quickly blowing out the flame. after, they share the cupcake, sitting up on the steps in that dingy, and frankly gross, ally. a grinning mia takes a dollop of cream cheese frosting and smears it over vanya’s nose, making her laugh. vanya then takes a scoop and smears it over her cheek in return. mia squeals.

she has to go home right after that. after dinner, seven on the dot, everyone sits around the table for birthday cake. their mother comes out, pristine dress and that perfectly calculated smile, placing down the vanilla dessert she’d spent all day making, confetti sprinkles and a big number 15 written on top. no names. they all get the exact same size slice and chow down.

luther and allison were chatting to each other across the way, in their own private conversations. five had brought yet another book to the table. klaus was trying to catapult cake at diego with his spoon, causing squabbling. and vanya minds her own quietly, like always.

it’s not so bad though. in her hand, she hides another gum packet, a dark purple for grape, that read Happy Birthday to Vanya! on the back.

and this time, the overtly sweet white icing faintly tasted like the cream cheese kind.

-

there was one day when it was raining. like a precurser. like it was trying to set the mood.

mia’s not inside. instead, vanya buys her stuff from the brother, andrew. when she asks him where’s she’s gone, he only shrugs. it’s not until she’s walking back out disappointed that she spots a huddled body in the alleyway. stifled sniffling. she has extra ten minutes, so she goes to investigate.

mia’s sitting on the steps, knees to her chest. the beat up, metal awning is barely doing anything to keep her dry. so, saying nothing, vanya extends out her umbrella to cover her. mia’s head whipped up once she stopped feeling rain droplets on her back. there’s a pink welt along her cheekbone and it makes vanya’s heart sink.

‘oh, hey v..’ she smiles, but it’s forced, hurriedly whipping her cheeks.

it’s her mom. she leans into vanya’s side next to her on the step, umbrella resting between them, and tearfully explains how she accidentally missed a delivery she was suppose to get. now they’re going to be fresh out till next week. her mom had screamed at her; that she was a stupid, stupid girl, that she was never going to amount to anything if she can’t remember one delivery and actually help her family.

‘I..I just..I didn’t know what I did..’ mia sighed shakily, adjusting her head on vanya’s shoulder ‘to make her hate me so much...I mean, I screwed this up, but..but, what she said to me, if I’m really that awful..–’

‘you’re not.’ vanya immediately cuts that off, speaking quickly ‘sh-she’s a liar. you’re nothing like that; you’re really smart and funny and beautiful..’

her cheeks flame up once she she realized her last word. mia turns her head so that she rests her chin on vanya. her cheeks are still streaked and the ice eyes were red. when she does smile, it’s small but it’s true this time.

‘bet I really look it right now..’

vanya smiles back, an airy laugh. mia chuckles too. they sit in some silence after, staring across to the red brick building beside them, the dents and graffiti.

‘..I get it though..’ vanya finally says, not looking at her ‘nobody in my family likes me, especially my dad, always telling me how regular I am. sometimes..I wonder why he even bothered to keep me..you know, after finding out I don’t have powers..’

mia’s silent. they sit, listening to the drum of rain hitting dumpster lids and trash cans. slowly, mia turns to her, sitting upright.

‘then we don’t need them.’ she declared, the defeat in her voice chased out ‘we don’t; you’re special as you are vanya, and I’m not what that bitch tells me I am. we don’t need them; we have each other.’

she didn’t really notice mia moving her hand until she felt it slide around her own resting between them. her heart sped up again – but this time, more in a good way. not as many nerves. so maybe that’s why she feels confident for once when she squeezes back.

‘yeah. we have each other.’

-

‘I have a query.’

vanya looked up from unwrapping her gum packet in her hands. they were on mia’s break at the steps, a packet each to enjoy their sunny afternoon.

‘my dad says knowledge is an amicable pursuit.’

‘isn’t he a bastard?’

vanya snorted, wanting to hide her smile for karma’s sake but doing a poor job ‘what is it?’

‘I’ve seen you try all the different flavours; green apple, grape, your favourites blue raspberry..’ she holds up her now empty pink packet, having unwrapped and finished her last stick to dispose of evidence she took a piece of the stock ‘why not bubblegum?..’

a beat of silence, vanya stalling. she starts tapping her foot absentmindedly.

‘...I don’t really like bubblegum flavour..’ she admits, staring down at her shoes ‘I-I’m not sure why..’

‘hm. well have you ever tried it?’

‘well, I...I mean..’ vanya stalls, glancing back up to see the brow mia has raised towards her ‘..it smells gross..’

mia giggles. vanya does the same, feeling warmth spread over her chest. she doesn’t really pay attention to it but mia shuffles closer to her on the step. she looks to where the tip of her standard, buckle up black shoes hit the tip of the pink converse.

‘you should try it then, see if you like it..’

‘..okay, but, you’re already out –’

mia closes the gap and kisses her. vanya gasps rather violently. she swears reality comes down and she nearly passes out. mia’s lips were warm and there’s a slight stickiness from the lipgloss. it’s a good thing she knows what she’s doing, because vanya is so panicked she can only stand completely stiff – until, slowly, she figures out mia’s movements and begins kissing her back.

and yes, she tastes entirely like the bright, obnoxious, florescent pink bubblegum flavour.

finally, after some time, mia pulls back. good thing too, because if she hadn’t vanya would’ve just kept going until passing out from lack of oxygen. there were worst ways to go though, really.

‘...what do you think?’ mia whispers. she was still so close, her forehead laying on vanya’s.

‘..I kinda love it.’ she whispers back.

mia’s smile lightens up the whole alley. nothing but joy, with maybe some bashful nerves, head ducking down but not slipping. had she really been that worried over vanya’s response? the sweetness of that could rot her tooth, honestly. she dares to speak up again.

‘but, um..I-I might need to try again..you know, be really sure...’

vanya watched the smile turn from sweet all the way to wild giggling. there was something like you sly dog and then mia’s fingers under her chin, lips meeting, and the world faded away to vanya.

it was only her and mia.

-

given the events of yesterday, vanya expects to wake up feeling like she was on top of the world. so amazing like you could implode from the happiness because the most amazing girl in the world liked you.

what vanya did wake up with, the memories of soft lips and pink bubblegum hitting her right over the head, was dread.

she didn’t know what to do. if she didn’t have a recollection of it happening, then she would’ve claimed that it couldn’t have. she still does. no way could mia really like her. she was probably just amusing vanya, because her life was already so sad. because frankly, what could vanya offer in return?

mia was bright light and fun and you could never bore of her. vanya was placid and grey and she could barely stumble her way through a violin solo.

she didn’t deserve her. mia was better off.

so, the next time she was ordered to the store, she does her best to make sure it’s a time mia won’t be on till. instead, andrew rings her up and says mia’s just on break, he can go get her if vanya wants, but vanya quickly spits out something about her dad needing her back on time, running off, ignoring the way her stomach curled up. the week after, mia is on till, but vanya gets in the line formed behind mrs. romano to pay for her things, pretending she couldn’t hear mia calling her name, or how crestfallen she was when she got no response.

it’s the third time that makes the difference; after rushing out with her things upon seeing mia coming in from the back exit, vanya’s walking up the sidewalk and a body suddenly jumps out from the infamous alley behind the store.

‘you’re avoiding me.’

she nearly drops everything, falling back but catching herself. she blinks back at mia suddenly in front of her, constrained glare and folded arms. vanya’s eyes are wide and she fears she might break out into a sweat.

‘n-no...’

mia huffs dryly ‘yeah right – the past three times, you’ve bolted every time you’ve seen me like I got the pox or something. considering before you’d hang out with me until you only had a minute to make it back, I think this counts as avoiding.’

vanya presses her lips together, eyes going down. mia softens slightly.

‘..what’s going on v? I..I thought we were on the same page last time..’ she seems to withdraw more and more, something vanya can’t stand ‘but..if you don’t really like me, then you could’ve just said..–’

‘no!’ vanya blurts out, mia pausing, allowing her to speak ‘I-I’m sorry, it-it’s not that..it’s just..I...I..Idon’tdeserveyou..’

mia furrows, and then altogether saddens; not a look of pity persay, but maybe of worry. vanya swallows through a thick throat.

‘I..I’m nothing special, and you..you’re everything..’ she sighs out ‘..you should be with someone just as amazing, as special, you know..like my siblings, or at least someone –’

‘vanya I don’t care about that.’

vanya’s head snapped up. mia was somewhere between frustration and relief, storming blue eyes holding hers.

‘I don’t like someone because they’re super interesting, or talented, or..like your siblings – I mean..any old asshole can have powers. it doesn’t say anything about you.’

vanya squinted. that’s not what she’s been hearing for all fifteen years of her life. mia moved forward, tentatively taking vanya’s hand, gaze never breaking. vanya sucked in a breath with her so close, being able to count the freckles on her cheeks.

‘you, v, you’ve got a good heart.’ finally, the sweet smile came back on ‘and I love it. I have since the day you saved me from my mom’s wrath – you didn’t even know me really, but you wanted to help. you’re kind. you’re thoughtful. you play your instrument better then I can ever imagine playing mine. and all this stuff...you choose to do it, to be good, not just because you have some special ability. and I think that says way more about how amazing you are then any powers or whatever.’

vanya can’t say anything. she doesn’t know what you say to someone who found the spark inside you that no one else did, even you. she didn’t think it was possible to fall even harder for a person. she sighs, shaky, wet, swallowing down the sting. she straightens herself up to meet mia fully, searching for words only to blurt out,

‘..can I kiss you again then?’

she pales, upon realizing her own stupidity. but she starts to hear giggling. there’s fingertips under her jaw, pulling her in and soft lips kissing her again.

vanya loved playing violin, but kissing mia was coming as a close contender for her favourite thing to do.

-

‘what’s up with your mouth?’

vanya had just returned from her trip to the store for dad’s pens. or rather, getting the pens and then spending the rest of it kissing mia over the counter, the blonde telling her bad knock-knock jokes in between, and pulling her back in by her tie for one more after vanya said she had to go (‘one for the road..’).

now, she was in her room and suddenly klaus was leaning into her doorway. vanya furrowed at first at the oddly phrased question, and then her stomach sank in, realizing.

‘wh-what do you mean?’ she did the ‘play-dumb’ approach. it probably wasn’t working by her nervous eyes and how she started backing up, away from him.

‘they’re redder then a cherry atop a sundae..’ he started smiling, walking towards her ‘and..–’

he leaped, a finger right in her face, swiping it over the skin above her lip. vanya sputtered and stumbled away, shoving down his arm, but it was too late. kalus inspected the shiny gloss over his finger, and then popped it into his mouth to taste. vanya cringed.

‘...strawberry.’ her grinned manically ‘which you don’t wear. so, unless you suddenly developed an interest to raid allison’s stash of lipgloss, then me thinks good-daughter vanya hargreeves has been makin’ on someone –’

‘no!’ she squeaked, voice pitching. he can’t know about this; no one can know about this. she’ll never get to see mia again if it got out.

‘holy shit, you totally have!’ klaus exclaimed, somewhere between floored and ecstatic ‘who was it?! who?! oh my god, was it that chick who works at that corner store you go to –’

‘how do you know about that?!’

‘diego – he came back after dad made him go with you, ranting about some bitch at the corner store who insulted him and just talked to you.’ he explained, still grinning away ‘..it totally was her, wasn’t it?’

vanya doesn’t know what to do. she knew klaus wasn’t going to let this go. and what else was she supposed to say? that she kissed a guy who just happens to like wearing lipgloss? yeah right. her stomach was all knotted up. she knew she already gave herself away by how red her cheeks were, head down to stare at the floor. she was terrified of what he’d say, she could feel her throat closing in. the silence was permeating. so finally, she takes in a shaky breath,

‘...listen, klaus, I –’

‘oh my god, this is fantastic!’ klaus threw up his arms in delight, dropping down onto her bed. vanya stiffened, not sure what to say. she could only blink back.

‘it...it is?..’

‘yeah – now I finally have an in!’

tentatively, vanya sat down on her bed beside him ‘an in for what?..’

‘weeeellll, I’ve been wanting to get some make-up – allison refuses to lend me any, even stuff she’s not even using. and cigs too – but!’ he shuffles up, trademarked wildness glinting in his eyes ‘it’s mostly your little girlfriend’s big brother who I’ve had my eye on..’

‘an-andrew?..’

‘yes! I’ve seen him around, coming back from missions – and my stars, that boy has the body of a greek god! I want him so much it’s haunting my dreams – he’s just..’ he does a chefs kiss, after clasping vanya on the shoulder ‘and now that my sister is in with his sister, my demand to keep the secret that your trips are really secret make-out trips, you have take me to see him!’

oh. oh. vanya feels her clenched stomach unspool. she lets out a breath of relief, a shaky smile even coming on.

‘y-yeah, I can do that..’

‘ha ha! knew I could count on you.’ he leans in closer, sly grin ‘..so? she hot?’

vanya rolls her eyes at him but blushes anyway. she stares down at her hands folded in her lap, the pink bubblegum faint on her tongue.

‘she’s beautiful..’

klaus grins even wider, jostling her and almost getting her to laugh. he slides his arm further around her shoulders, pulling her in in a way that they do not do.

‘well, now that you’re in a serious relationship, I feel it’s my duty to make sure you’re safe, ‘cause god knows dad isn’t going to do it. so, listen up to old uncle klaus sweetheart, and let him tell you the story of the birds and the bees –’

‘oh my god klaus –’

-

‘you’ll have to apologize to andrew for me after..’

mia giggles. her and vanya are behind the counter, chins on the cracked plastic casing to watch klaus and andrew nearby the door. klaus, big grin and gesticulating arms, was going on about something vanya had lost track of a while ago. andrew looked somewhere between listening and being totally baffled.

‘it’s okay. he’d just be doing stalk anyway..’ mia shrugged ‘..I like this brother more then the other one. more funny, less ego.’

vanya at least had to agree to that, amusedly watching andrew lean to miss klaus’s flailing arm. they were both a lot, but you had at least a bit more fun with klaus. even if kalus’s version of ‘fun’ tended to give vanya anxiety.

she sat there, mulling on her brothers, on the dynamics. her gaze shifted to her girlfriend. clouded nagging started pulling at the back of her mind.

‘..how come you never asked?’

‘what?’

‘about my siblings..’ vanya stares down, picking at her nails ‘everybody..they always wanna know – why didn’t you?..’

mia watches her a while – curiously, ice eyes digging in. after, she shrugged.

‘I dunno, I guess I never really thought about it..’ she flicked her eyes over and back between the hargreeves siblings ‘I mean, if I wanted to know stuff about them, I could just read any old magazine or newspaper, honestly..’

‘..oh.’ was the only thing vanya could say. for some unseated reason, she was still nervous. she knew there was no reason for mia to lie, she probably had never thought about it. she was just trying to settle into the idea, that when someone had the possibility to go after siblings, they’d pick her instead. as if mia could read her thoughts, she spoke,

‘..when I think of you, I don’t..think of you as vanya hargreeves, or the umbrella academy, or anything..’ she catches vanya’s eyes, smiling ‘I think of you as just vanya. v, the cool girl who plays violin who I really like..’

vanya’s lips turned up, red coming over ‘really?..’

‘really.’

‘promise?’ she almost squeaks, afraid of the insecurity showing. instead, mia laughs.

‘promise.’

vanya’s head goes down, half smile and half embarrassment.

‘sorry. I should've..known better..’

no reply. rather, mia turns on her stool. props her elbows up to hold up her chin, watching vanya curiously.

‘you say that a lot.’

‘what?’

‘sorry.’ she tilts her head, blond ringlets dropping across her shoulder ‘I’ve just like..noticed it happens after every other sentence you say.’

‘oh. sorry, it’s – I mean..’ she scrunches her eyes closed, hearing the kind laugh in response ‘I dunno, it..it just happens a lot; when I’m around my dad, or around my siblings, I guess I just feel..sorry..’

for being there goes unsaid. mia says nothing, and then shuffles forward.

‘..how about this,’ her hand slides near vanya’s, fingers bumping ‘when you’re with me, you don’t have to apologize for existing..’

vanya likes how that sounds. she tilts the bashful smile down, but slides her fingers over mia’s; hers clean and cut, with the blonde’s nails sporting new green polish she’s put in poka dots.

‘..and if you do say sorry, there’ll be very serious repercussions to stop it..’

vanya doesn’t miss the glint off the ice eyes, already giving it away. she raises a brow.

‘serious?’

‘very.’ vanya giggled, watching mia reach forward ‘here, your tie’s kinda crooked..–’

‘oh.’ vanya leaned away to look down at herself, tucking it back into her sweater vest, not thinking before ‘sorry –’

mia shot up like a rocket, her lips over vanya’s. quick, pulling away as fast, where vanya can only blink back from the whiplash, slowly realizing.

‘s-sorry, I didn’t mean to say –’

she does it again. vanya tries to give her a glare when she pulls away, coming out more frumpled then anything.

‘I’m just trying to say sorry for –’

again. now vanya just throws up her hands, also smiling into the kiss. klaus must’ve taken note of this, because from nowhere they hear,

‘hey, go easy on my sister! the only practice kissing she’s had is on a pillow!’

now vanya went red for a totally different reason, lips pressed together. mia’s giggling again. seizing a rare moment of boldness, vanya snatches the damp cloth mia had been using to wipe up the counter. using all her stength, she chucked it over the counter into the direction of the boys at the doorway.

there was a wet splat, klaus shrieking and rushing behind a confused andrew, and the girls laughing wildly.

-

they’re sitting on the back steps on mia’s 30min break, ice cream sandwiches stolen from the freezer in hands despite the chilly fall weather, when mia pulled something from her bag.

‘so check this out.’ she’s got that mischievous gleam glinting off her again, so vanya’s in for something. she had to hold mia’s sandwich so she could use both hands, yanking out two banged up, mustard yellow walkie-talkies.

‘what’re those for?’ vanya furrowed.

‘we used them for the shop, if someone was upstairs or doing stalk or whatever you could call them to the front. but we recently got new ones; these are the old ones, that I took before my dad tossed them.’

‘so..?’

‘so,’ mia grinned, placing one in vanya’s lap ‘this means we won’t be talking to each other only twice a week.’

vanya felt a smile blossom ‘really?’

‘yeah – it should be able to reach your house.’ she told her, taking her sandwich back.

‘that’s..awesome.’

‘no more long-distance relationship for us babe.’ mia joked, giggling as vanya blushed. so she kissed the brunette on the cheek, just to see her turn even redder.

vanya, who was unsure the basic radios could reach the entire way to the hargreeves manor, was pleasantly surprised to find after trying it whilst tucked in away in her room, mia’s voice crackle back through the speaker.

now they can talk whenever. they still have to be careful, less anyone hear mia’s muffled voice coming from vanya’s dresser, and mia isn’t always available when she’s working at the store. but any other time, they’re chatting and laughing and racking up vanya’s list of favourite conversations. they can now play for each other, radio held close with the talk button taped to on, vanya showing her her talents on the violin and mia’s on the cello, giving eachother helpful tips and more compliments then vanya’s ever gotten. more often, they have long chats, vanya hidden up in the attic to be away from any pestering. mia’s complaints on rude customers and playing songs she loves for vanya on her cd player, no doubt and old smashing pumpkins albums. vanya’s new books she was reading or which sibling did what today, like diego getting in trouble for carving into the dining table or klaus running around in allison’s dress before she had to chase him down to get it back. times, when mia’s mother swung at her with her cruelty and the tears are audible in her voice. or, when five told her he’s too busy to talk or when diego and klaus sneak out for doughnuts but say she can’t come, vanya can tell mia about the weight on her chest. about everything and nothing at all.

it has to shut off at about eight. except the one night vanya woke to her name being called through her dresser drawer, sleepily pulling it out to whisper back.

‘mia?..’

‘hey – sorry to wake you..’

‘everything okay?’

‘yeah. I just had to hear your voice one more time..’

vanya stops hearing the empty silence echoing in her empty room. she hears mia’s voice instead.

-

the biggest tip was that mia had hardly said more then three words today.

vanya thought maybe she didn’t like the dessert she’d brought. she’d told her that her mom made the best cookies; they had m&ms, and were made of chocolate dough then just regular, but perhaps that was just bias. mia had only been nibbling on hers, gaze down through the counter they sat behind, silent. mia, who talked a mile a minute, who used every opportunity to make a quip for a joke, who was eager to tell vanya every single thing that had gone on. something was up, and if vanya hated seeing mia upset, then she hated more that she wasn’t confiding in her.

‘do you not like it?..’

‘huh?’ mia spun up, curls flinging over her shoulder ‘oh – no, no they’re great v, thanks for sharing..’

vanya shuffled on her stool, sitting up ‘..then what’s wrong?’

mia glared down at her cookie, breaking apart bits of it. slowly, vanya watched gloss draw over the ice iris’s. she drew closer, taking the girls hand. good thing the shop was empty today.

‘h-hey, it’s okay. you can say – it’s me, remember?’ she tried to give a smile for good measure ‘is it your mom?..’

mia abandoned her treat, hand sliding up to rest on forehead as she bent down, eyes screwed shut. she shook her head, clear that if words came out, they’d be sobs instead. vanya’s concern started to rise.

‘mia?..’

she finally turns her head, meeting the worried gaze and saying as loud as she dares,

‘we’re moving..’

vanya blinks back. no. that can’t be right. she waits for the ‘gotcha!’ mia loves to throw after, a lifeline to pull her out. the heavy silence told her the real reality instead. she finally got a hold of words, choking out,

‘wh-what?..’

‘my mom sprung it on us yesterday...’ she’s back to picking her nails, scrapping off neon polish ‘the store’s..not making enough. we have to close it. we’re suppose to go in two weeks..’

two weeks. nothing, essentially. vanya can’t feel herself breathing. this can’t be happening. mia senses it, straightening up.

‘I-I fought her on it, really.’ her brow bunches together, familiar fight rising ‘a-and I’ll do it again, try again, say she can’t do this to me and andrew –’

‘no.’ vanya quickly cut off, hand squeezing her arm, remembering the welt on mia’s cheek and the defeat in her voice on that rainy day ‘don’t. it’s not worth it. we just..gotta make use of our time now. and I’ll spend everyday with you, I promise..’

mia said nothing. there was nothing left anyway, and they weren’t signing themselves to tears just yet. slowly, she leaned down, forehead resting on vanya’s shoulder. she mumbled against the dark blazer,

‘you’d be worth it..’

vanya swallows unsteadily. she reaches for mia’s hand, intertwining it with hers, and letting them rest there.

holding on.

-

two weeks flew.

they’d done everything they could think of. vanya was at the shop nearly every day, and when she couldn’t be, they were in contact via radio. they still had fun, sure, but it was at the cost of ignoring the grey cloud slowly approaching. ignoring these were the last moments, the last couple seconds, vanya hearing every last of mia’s bad jokes and mia asking her to play the song on her violin just a little longer.

now, it’s their last day. vanya is standing at the street corner under the cloak of the night, adjusting the cuffs of the blazer jacket and tie around her neck. it’s not a perfect fit, but it’s close. she’d burst into five’s room yesterday with I need to burrow your suit, as they did have some nice clothes outside of their uniforms, but vanya, like her sister, had been given a dress which she despised and looked terrible in. she just didn’t have the grace or femininity allison had for it. but she liked suits. five was the perfect candidate because a. they were similar in size and b. he’s the only one who’d let her have it. he did question why, but vanya made sure to ask right when he was in the middle of his studies, so he’d shoo her away to get back to his task.

the clack of shoes direct her attention to up the street, head coming up to the corner. there’s a golden head of blonde, and suddenly, vanya’s heart rushing. mia’s in a turquoise sun dress and curls tumbling down her shoulder, nothing short of elegant. she grins as she meets adoring brown eyes, and, suddenly, breaks into a run. she throws herself onto vanya, spinning around and laughing.

‘you look amazing..’ she breathed over her ear. vanya pressed her smile against the freckled shoulder.

‘and you’re beautiful..’

‘so,’ mia slid off, taking her hand ‘where’s this magical, secret place you’re taking me?’

‘you’ll just have to wait and see..’

twenty minutes later, they’re at gritty’s. vanya had already told her the story of them all sneaking off at night, seeing who could eat the most strawberry doughnut holes and klaus putting ketchup in your coffee if you weren’t paying attention. they got a plate of the best donuts, enjoying their feat, splitting donuts into halfs to make new ones. fingertips covered with white powder and sprinkles dusted on fancy clothes, the sugary sweetness only helped by the kisses in between. later in the night, crumbs left on the plates, vanya places her hand over the slight bump in her pocket.

‘I-I know we aren’t suppose to..talk about it, tomorrow, but..I-I got you something..’

mia’s pretending to be giving a scolding look, but it’s cancelled out with her smile. vanya fished out the gift, revealing a small cloth pouch. she placed it in mia’s palm, watching her soften.

‘v...’

‘open it.’ vanya couldn’t help her excitement, sitting up in her seat.

mia pulled back the strings, two fingers slipped inside to grasp it. she pulled out a silver chain, revealing a necklace with a little pendent that made mia’s eyes go wide.

‘it-it’s a cello..’ she saw the necklace in a nearby store a while back, and knew mia had to have it. she’s been saving to get it since being told she was leaving, but hadn’t had enough in time, forcing her to snatch a twenty from the hoard diego keeps under his mattress.

‘it’s so beautiful..’ mia gasped, holding up the tiny instrument under her fingertips, smile brimming ‘thank you..’

she leaned in and vanya met her, sensing her gratitude in the kiss, along with the strawberry jam.

‘I have something for you to, actually..’ mia slipped her hand into her purse, looking suddenly nervous ‘it-it’s not as good as yours ‘cause I didn’t have any time to get something better between all the moving, but maybe you’ll appreciate the thought..’

she hands it over and vanya recognizes the fushia pink immediately. the thin, rectangle box is placed in her hands, the hubba-bubba logo staring back. she flipped it around, expecting writing like always, but it was blank.

‘I know what you’re thinking..’ the blues have that usual spark, and she shuffles closer ‘but it’s actually..here..’

mia’s fingers slid over hers, popping open the carton. vanya furrowed. it was already open? mia took a stick, carefully unfolding the top of the wrapper, pulling it back slightly to reveal the inside. vanya gasped. there was writing inside; it started with her name, a sentence flowing into more that she couldn’t see yet.

‘I did it for all of them. I wrote about you, all the things I love about you, or about us, my favourite memories together. I..I wanted it to be like...I never really left, so you could open a new piece and read something..’ she pushes her hair back behind her ear, gaze held from vanya’s ‘I-I know it’s not as nice as yours...and-and it’s bubblegum which is stupid because you hate that flavour, and..–’

‘no.’ vanya vapidly shakes her head, fingers curling around the gift and her own smile blooming ‘I love it, I can’t believe you did all of this..’

mia smiles back, chasing out the nerves – and it’s like vanya tries to commit it to memory. the baby pink, the slow curl, the sweetness. she takes all these things and pockets them for when mia will be gone and the hole in her heart will be too big.

she quickly clears her throat. not right now.

instead, she sits back up, and takes in a breath that does next to nothing to calm her nerves.

‘also, I um..I have something I wanna tell you..’

‘what?..’

‘well, I...I..’

vanya had been mulling it over for some time, quite a lot really. and she thinks she’s known it longer then she’s been mulling it; she just had to be sure of saying it, because if she does it wrong she risks losing everything. But she knew it had to be told; the inexplicable happiness that’d grown inside her over the months had everything to with mia and she deserved to know.

‘I-I..I wanted to say..you’re so incredible and beautiful and being with you has been the best thing in the world, and so I..I have to say...’

‘v, I love you too.’

her head bolts up, eventually falling into a bashful laugh when seeing mia radiating her smile. that’ll do it then. she’s not going to ask how mia knows, how she finds words vanya doesn’t have the nerve for, that she fits her even if they appeared to be opposites. she’s too busy being in love with it.

they spend the rest of the night starring up at the night sky. it’s difficult to pick out the stars in the brightness of the city, but not with reginald hargreeves’s special handheld telescope. vanya presented the gold trinket, extending it out to mia who grinned wide and wiggled her brow.

‘you stole this right off the old bastard’s desk for us? wow, be still my heart..’

vanya went red, but managed to keep her head up ‘well, you make me feel brave. like I can do anything..’

they roam through the stars, vanya showing her all the constellations five had taught her. they stayed huddled up until they just couldn’t press the time anymore, and had to walk back – slow, each second relished, hand in hand. they stop at the corner they have to part, and mia’s fingers are threaded with hers, standing forehead-to-forehead and nobody’s willing to be the first to let go.

‘you..you um..’ mia sighs shakily, pretending to shake it off ‘you know what time to come tomorrow..?’

‘four.’ vanya nodded.

mia nodded back. she shifted on her feet, her previous ease gone. vanya squeezed their hands together tighter – she felt herself, tight throat and anxious stomach, also fighting from giving into the harsh reality slowly headed right for them.

‘this night has been so amazing v, and I..I..’ mia sucked in breath ‘I-I don’t wanna say goodbye –’

‘so don’t.’ vanya spoke quickly, small and quiet ‘that’s for tomorrow. instead, we...we’ll say goodnight..’

mia’s eyes flick up to hers, dangerously glossy, but her smile is faithful, shining at vanya. she suddenly grasps the sides of her face, pulling in for another last kiss – but this was different. mia kisses her slow, languid, gentle. right now, they were not rushed, they were not thinking about the heartbreak of tomorrow. they were here. that was the most important thing.

mia pulled away after, carefully. foreheads were still brushing, low breathing the only noise in the dead street. blue eyes meet vanya’s brown, the palm against her cheek soft. the smile twitches.

‘see you later, violin vanya..’

and like clockwork, there was vanya’s smile. she felt the hand slip off her, mia pulling away, but it wasn’t sad for her. there’s still tomorrow for that. in this moment she’s smiling at her girl, at her one good thing, her favourite, walking down the corner, flashing one last grin to the brunette before she’s gone.

vanya makes her way back alone, but it’s okay. she clutches onto the pink gum packet the whole way.

-

she’s late.

vanya was pelting down the sidewalk, rushing to get there in time. she was terrified of missing her. she wouldn’t have even known she was late had her siblings not just returned from training. before they even went to change from the training suits, klaus was snatching her arm, yanking her away into a hidden corner.

you gotta go.

klaus, what, I –

mia, vanya. they’re leaving.

yeah, I-I know they’re leaving –

no. they’re leaving now. I saw the moving truck in front of their store, filled with shit. they’re shipping out.

..b-but, mia, she said..–

doesn’t matter, you gotta go now!

the problem was, was that her father needed her after the training exercises. he usually did, to file and help him compartmentalize the notes he’d made. and she wasn’t even allowed to consider opting out. and if she did, she’d miss mia without ever getting to say goodbye.

for once her life, vanya listened to her sibling.

she pulled away the second no one was paying attention. she was confident no one even noticed – until her father calls for her. instead she rushed out the house, out the gates and into the busy street. and, once more, just like someone knew, it’s raining. pouring, actually. her long hair is now dripping and sticking to her, her uniform soaked, white socks stained by the puddles she keeps running through.

but right now vanya couldn’t be focused on that.

finally, she reaches the store, finding, yes, a moving truck outside, filled with boxes and even more along the street. she sees the blonde right away, standing off of the building under the awning, nearby andrew as he stacked boxes, and perfectly miserable.

‘mia!’

she’s far away but vanya swears she can hear the gasp, hair flipping round and blues going wide, shock meeting elation. they rush to each other. vanya doesn’t hesitate to throw her arms around the other girl, and neither does mia, despite the fact she’s soaping. they just hold onto each other for the longest time, so grateful they hadn’t missed their chance.

‘h-how, how did you –’

‘klaus. he saw you guys leaving and came to tell me.’

mia sighed heavily, gripping tighter to vanya’s soaked blazer.

‘listen, I-I don’t have much time, but I’m glad you’re here..’ mia told her, pulling her away into the alley to give them privacy ‘my mom, she decided to get the movers early, and I-I thought I’d never..never get to..’

‘you wouldn’t have..’ vanya told her, grasping on her wrist ‘I wouldn’t miss you for anything..’

‘mia!’ mrs. romano’s demanding voice cuts in ‘come here, we’re leaving!’

‘j-just a minute!’ was the nervous reply. vanya’s throat suddenly closes in. this can’t be it just yet.

sadly it was. mia looks back at her and there’s gloss over the ice eyes, a sadness that makes vanya sick. she can’t swallow properly, feeling that same teary sting. she’s gripping onto mia’s wrists, as if she held on tight enough, nothing could really take her.

‘v, I...’

vanya waits but mia can’t get around her words. rather, a soft gasp falls from her throat, and she quickly throws her arms around the brunette’s shoulders. not skipping a beat vanya gripped hers around her middle, face pressed into her shoulder and the wild curls, eyes screwed shut.

‘I’m going to miss you so much..’ mia’s voice shook and vanya hated that too ‘you’re..you’re so amazing and I’m going to miss everything about you. I love you..’

vanya’s nails sunk into mia’s sweater, tears slipping out the corners. it started to rain harder.

‘I love you too. And..I...just..’

‘what?..’

‘just..please – pleasedon’tforgetaboutme.’ vanya rushed out, words cracked ‘please..say you won’t, ‘cause I’ll never forget you, and I..’

‘v,’ mia pulled back slightly, blue to brown, gently moving the dark hair sticking to vanya’s cheek ‘I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to..’

vanya just nodded because it was all she could do, feeling tears drip down next to the rain drops ‘I’m..I’m going to miss you – I-I miss you right now, and I’ll think of you every day – you....you are my favourite, my one good thing...’

mia smiles. it’s not happy but it is full of love. vanya cherishes it the same.

‘amelia!’

mia bites into her lip, quickly looking down the corner that her family was around and back to vanya. she watches the brunette, vanya imagining she’s thinking she has to be quick. and she was, placing a hand on the pale cheek and kissing her deep. vanya kisses back with everything she didn’t already say, all she felt, tasting faint rain water on her lips – and, barely, pink bubblegum.

it has to end, mia stepping back but gripping vanya’s hand. there was no light left in her blues anymore. she smiles, sad and wobbling, one last time and whispers,

‘one for the road..’

vanya squeezes her fingers. but she’s walking away, her back to vanya because it was easier that way. neither lets go, watching their arms lift up as mia walks, hands sliding further and further until vanya feels mia’s fingertips glide over hers and –

gone.

vanya can do nothing but stand there, watching mia hurry to her family. the rain is pelting down on her. there she goes. there goes her only good thing.

she doesn’t go until she hears the truck engine start, pulling away. then she makes her way back to the house, slowly, not caring about how sick she’ll get from this rain or how mad her dad might be. and mad he was. everyone had been searching in the house for her, but he saw her the second she walked in, forming into that cold, constrained glare and demanding she go to his office, where she stood, in front of the desk, dripping onto the velvet carpet and head bowed as he yelled.

‘you caused chaos in the house, having everyone running around looking for you! you left the premises which is forbidden, and now your uniform is completely ruined!’ he badgered on, a tone that would usually made vanya flinch and shrivel, but she didn’t even respond ‘but worst yet, you weren’t here to assist in your siblings training! what do you have to say for yourself?!’

vanya finally lifts her head. she meets the disapproving glare, the cold eyes, waiting for her to spit out an apology. waiting, for her to fall in line and realize how petty her problems were to the benefit of helping her oh-so-special siblings who’re better then her. what was the point? she’d already lost.

‘it doesn’t matter.’ she whispered. there was no visible shock but she saw how ruffled he got, shoulders squaring.

‘it doesn’t matter?! so it doesn’t matter that you’re assisting in helping your siblings hone their powers to be at their very best so they can go on to save millions of lives?! that doesn’t matter?!’

vanya says nothing. she doesn’t shy away from the cold eyes, meeting them head on. what was there to loose after all?

upon seeing he wasn’t going to wring out an apology, he sent her to her room with no supper. vanya gladly went, a closed door in isolation, sat up in her bed. she holds the case of pink bubblegum from yesterday in her lap, staining it as droplets dripped off her. the last one.

that’s when she really started to cry.

sobs shaking her small body that no one will hear, head in hands. or so she thought no one heard. she was lost in her misery and tears that she didn’t even hear her door gently creak open. before she knew it, klaus was sitting beside her, shoulder to shoulder and staring down at her sadly. she fell into him without thinking about it, crying into his shoulder with his arm laid over hers. it took an hour to truly stop the sobs.

the world had faded back in. the silence was audible again.

her light had gone out.

-

it was her fifth peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich of the day.

three days after mia kissed her for the last time and vanya’s never felt more miserable. not even over the times her siblings got to do press junkets without her, or when her dad left her out of the family photo. not to mention she was coming down from a terrible cold after standing in the rain so long. the sugary sandwiches were the sole thing helping her along.

so she spread peanut butter on the pieces of bread, vaguely listening to kalus’s muttering nearby. he was snooping through the kitchen, opening cabinets and turning over pots, claiming he’d lost his lighter. vanya half thinks it’s just a poor excuse to stay close by and watch over her.

the respectable quiet was broken when diego came running into the kitchen. he locked wide eyes with klaus, pointing at him. his face was all red.

‘you!’ he accused, stalking over to him ‘you jacked some of my money!’

klaus furrowed back, gaze switching around the room and a hand over heart ‘..moi?’

‘don’t act dumb! I know you took a twenty from under my bed!’ too caught up, neither of them noticed vanya gasp and pale ‘probably used it for cigarettes too I bet, get your fix!’

‘..diego, my brother, as much as I enjoy being accused and yelled at,’ klaus slowly pushed down the finger diego was pushing into his face ‘my hands are clean.’

‘bullshit!’ diego puffed up ‘you’re the first person who would try to –’

‘diego –’

‘search me, I didn’t do –’

‘liar!’

‘diego!’ vanya broke through. heads spun to her. she gulped, gaze down, and the quietest whisper.

‘I...I took your money...’

the shock lead into possibly the longest silence ever. diego’s face was scrunched up and klaus kept shifting gazes between them.

‘...huh????’

‘I-I did it.’ she admitted, not able to watch klaus get berated for something she did ‘I-I’m sorry..’

‘...you did it?!’ he gaped, now walking over to her ‘wh-what the hell vanya?!’

‘I-I’m so sorry –’

‘give it back then!’

vanya froze. her stomach became even more knotted, and she had to swallow roughly to tell him,

‘I-I can’t..I-I spent it..’

‘you spen-spent it?! all of it?!’

more guilt settled on her shoulders, making her head drop down. she honestly hadn’t meant to hurt diego, she just needed the twenty fast and that was the first option she could think of.

‘..diego, I..’

‘how could you –’ he grabbed her shoulders, shoving her back ‘do that?!’

vanya stumbled away, eyes going wide. klaus’s did the same, jumping over to grab diego’s shoulder.

‘woah, hey, diego chill –’

‘no, piss off klaus! I was saving up all of that cash, and now she’s ruined it!’ he bit back at his brother, returning to glare at his sister ‘what did you do with it?!’

vanya clammed up. there was no way she could say. in the tense silence, she desperately searched for a lie, but she was never good at coming up with things on the spot.

‘I-I..’

‘what?!’

‘I...I can’t..tell you..’

‘you can’t tell me?!’ the lava was staring to rise to the top ‘so y-you can steal my money, but you can’t tell me w-what for?! that’s bullshit. c’mon, what was it?! what was it for?!’

vanya felt herself sub-consciously taking steps back, avoiding diego’s fiery glare.

‘it’s just..I..’

‘c’mon, spit it out!’ now he was just egging her, voice less angry and more venomous ‘what was it – clothes, make-up, girly shit?!’

‘n-no –’

‘oh, I know w-what it is now.’ no smile, but a weird, knowing tone instead ‘was it for that little blonde cashier of yours?’

vanya’s stomach caved in, gasping softly. klaus grabbed him again.

‘diego –’

‘it-it wasn’t..–’

‘bullshit! it was – you’d nev-never steal it otherwise! what did she make you do with it, she make you buy shit for her?!’

her hurt and anger crossed, causing a glare and fists to lock ‘no! she’d never –’

‘or did she b-buy it herself with the money she made y-you bring?! you might wanna look up what a golddigger is vanya –’

‘she is not!’ vanya yelled, water pooling under her eyes, no one noticing the overhead light growing hotter ‘don’t talk about her like that, just leave me alone –’

‘wait, I know what it is!’

‘diego let it go –’

‘what the hell is going on in here?!’ reginald stormed in, glowering at the three children ‘all of you, stop this racket at once –’

‘it was a friendship fee wasn’t it vanya?!’ diego sneered. her tears were growing worse and she felt herself shaking and she just wants diego to stop –

the cool girl who plays violin who I really like..

‘no!’

‘children!–’

‘that’s why s-she was so attentive, you were pay-paying her to like you –’

you’re special as you are vanya..

‘because you’re ordinary and w-who would wanna be with you when –’

I’m going to miss you so much..

‘leave me –’ suddenly she had both hands full of diego’s blazer and more anger then she’d ever had ‘alone!!’

smash!

the lightbulb over the kitchen table exploded into tiny pieces, radiating down. the light blew out, developing them into darkness. silence suddenly fell over; vanya, still standing, heaving and teary. a gaping klaus against the kitchen counter, and diego, suddenly have been flung a couple feet across the floor, shrivelled against the cupboards, hand against the back of his throbbing head and ogling his sister who would never even squash a spider.

‘...what in the hell was –’

‘nothing!’ reginald quickly cut off klaus, harsh stare at vanya ‘it was nothing, a power outage! number four, number two, go to your rooms at once!’

while never ones to listen diligently to the old man, the booming voice showed they shouldn’t have to be told twice. they scrambled up their feet, out of the room like shots. after, reginald slowly made his was to vanya, who was refusing to look back, glossy eyes down and fists at sides.

‘..number seven, this brat-like behaviour will not be tolerated.’ not yelling, but poisonous voice ‘I will not allow it. you must address what it is that is making you act this way, and soon, before it is to be punished!’

she didn’t say anything. he sent her away to her room anyway, told not to interact with anyone else for the rest of the day, in case they get into another fight she guessed. it still didn’t matter. the only person who did was gone.

so she sat alone this time, cradling the yellow radio in her lap, praying for it to crackle to life once more and developing into tears when it didn’t.

-

eighteen.

fully an adult. someone who can live on their own now. for vanya though, she’d been alone her whole life.

and maybe this was the last straw of it.

they were having a graduation ceremony – for the umbrella academy, of course. a sort of celebration – if her father would even allow that much – for all the training that has lead up to this moment. now, they were to go forward, to fulfill their important duties and save the lives of millions.

at least, that was the ‘speech’ their father was making, striding back and forth in the line-up of children that’d only dwindled in the last few years. that gap that five was suppose to be in. if he was here, vanya could picture him rolling his eyes under his mask at the old man’s speech; lossing her second confidant, so close after losing the one that meant the most, had hit her hard. the empty spot of ben radiating the sullen energy around, still. if vanya had been paying closer attention, she’d noticed that underneath the polished outfits of her siblings on their ‘big day’, they were wilting too.

but she was up on the staircase, watching from a far, her siblings standing tall, her father giving the ‘advice’ she’ll never be told and their mom watching over with the proud smile she won’t get. you’d think, after so many times of this on repeat, vanya would be used to it.

but this wound wasn’t healing right. there was a tightness in her chest. one hand was making a fist, and one was gripping tight to the empty blue gum packet. it’d worn down at the sides, vanya barely able to even make the word ‘rescue!’ anymore. wearing away, like her hope one day she’d be walking down the same block to the house and the moving van would come back. that it’d bring back blond curls and that smile and everything would have light again. instead, she was stuck here; a left over, something forgotten, a key under the mat, not wanted unless all the good options were gone.

though she’s eighteen now. that was the difference. and what was the point of sticking around when she didn’t want to, when probably they didn’t even want her to, when she could take the chains and subsequent ball of the umbrella academy and break them?

she glared harder, shoving the packet further down in her pocket, and making for the stairs. forget it.

time to get the hell out of here.

-

‘you know, if I wanted advice vanya, no offense, it wouldn’t be from you..’

vanya freezes up, looking down her sister who was giving her the cold look they’d all addressed her well with over the years.

a lot had already been going on; dad’s death, five literally jumping through time to come back, and now, the one person who’d welcomed her was icing her out. vanya had only meant to help allison; she’d never been good at the sister thing though. she does her best to meet her eyes.

‘..what is that suppose to mean?..’

‘you don’t have a child.’ she said, a fair point, but allison continued ‘I mean, you’ve never even been in a relationship –’

‘that’s not true.’ vanya defended before she could think. the memories may be buried, faded in time, but they would never be forgotten. she would never be forgotten. and no one was going to trample on them either.

‘so you know what it’s like to love someone like this? like, when you’re apart from her you can’t breathe? like..like you would die – and I mean actually die – to know that she’s okay and happy?..I mean, you separate yourself from everyone and everything, you always have..’

her gaze fell. silence came around, accidentally becoming a no I don’t when in reality mia keeps a spot of vanya’s mind all the time. that maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder has some truth because what she felt then at fifteen hasn’t dwindled in the least. that she carries the weight of her missing around always. but what can she say to allison? certainly not that she hasn’t really breathed clear since mia’s hand slipped off hers, and ever since losing it she hasn’t dared to grasp for another. that there wasn’t anything she wouldn’t give to know mia had all the happiness she deserves.

allison has made up her mind regardless of if vanya answers or not. a couple more icy throws and then she’s gone. and so is vanya.

she goes home, cancels any more violin practices and puts up a sign on her door for good measure. but before she does any of that, she drops by the corner store near her apartment. gets one packet of hubba-bubba gum, bubblegum flavour that she hasn’t touched in years.

lies in bed after. places one stick of gum on her tongue. lets the taste and stinging familiarity linger, eyes shut and heart sinking down and down.

-

vanya sighed, a page of her poetry book lifting at the exhale. the book store had turned quiet after the last few people shuffled out from the signing. the crowds, interest, had been dwindling; before it’d been a hit, people begging to know the secrets into the mysterious umbrella academy, but now it hardly brought more then five people in. she was trying not to let it get under her skin. hype never lives for very long. she’d been rethinking a lot about the book anyway, since now it’s been a week after dad’s passing and her siblings have finally started extending hands to her like she’d always dreamed.

right now though, she just has to wait until the next ten minutes were up, when the signing was officially over, to head home. she was too busy thinking about if she wanted to swing by the store on her way back for some of her favourite lavender tea, that she didn’t even hear the bell to the door ring. it wasn’t until a book thunked against the table in front of her, and she hears,

‘sorry for being late – I had to work up the nerve to actually come inside..’

vanya inhales too quick. her head flips up, wide-eyed, heart beating out of chest, all of that, because no way, it would never be –

it was. mia smiles down at her – nervously, but brightly. the blond curls were still the same, wispy and tumbling down her shoulder. those ice eyes hit vanya’s deep browns, crashing into her with the same clear, blue lightning.

‘holy shit.’ she blurts her whisper. mia giggles. her nose still scrunched up the same way.

‘not what I was expecting, but I’ll take it.’

vanya smiles in her disbelief. it’s mia. oh god. she shoots up from her chair, awkwardly bumping her hip into the table.

‘mia, I..what..’

‘I know.’ she says, softer, head going down bashfully ‘but..I saw your book when I was out some time ago, and then..before I knew it, I was looking up signing dates and here was one in the city, and I..I knew I had to...well..’

she trails off, teeth going into bottom lip. her eyes meet vanya’s, cautious.

‘are you upset..?’

‘no.’ vanya blurts, contorted in shock ‘god no, never, wh-why would I be upset?..’

mia shrugged modestly ‘I dunno...fifteen years is a long time..’

excruciatingly long. vanya had spent all those years numbly missing mia she’d lost count. she’d grown up so much. gone where the pink converse, replaced with stylish black boots. her freckles had faded out but they were still present. the young not-yet-matured looks, shape of her face, had grown into such elegance.

‘well, um, if that’s the case, uh..’ vanya glanced down, clearing her throat ‘may-maybe there should be uh, some kind of catching up. my place is only five blocks from here, if I uh, could interest you in a cup of tea – that is, uh, if you have the time..’

mia smiles, and oh god, it’s that same smile. time hadn’t hurt it. vanya melts watching the sweetness and light come off.

‘..v, you can have all my time.’

-

it’s dark now. the night has cast over, city light filtering through vanya’s massive apartment window. they’d been catching up for hours, mia on one side of the couch with her tea in vanya’s favourite music note mug, and vanya on the other, sipping from her own mug and hearing her heart beat way too loud in her ears. fifteen years had in fact, been quite a long time. they talked about their growing ups, families and schooling and whether they still did music, and mia still held that charming humour in her stories as always.

‘I..I heard about your dad by the way, on the news. I’m sorry..’

‘don’t be. the world is better without him, trust me..’

‘I can imagine – I mean, I just didn’t use your book as an in. I did read some of it, and..god v, I didn’t know it was so bad...’

‘s’ok. nobody really did – including us, sometimes, I think..’

‘how are things with your siblings anyway?’

‘how much time do you have?’

‘not exactly like a disney film, huh?’

‘I guess..it could be worse. my sister, allison, she’s...I dunno, she’s doing this whole ‘reinventing her life’ thing, which apparently means visiting me more often. she was the only one who seemed glad to see me for the funeral, and, we’ve been out to dinner, she came by with coffee the other day, so..’

‘that’s great!’

‘yeah..I mean, it’s weird how dad’s funeral sort of..made things better. my brother klaus, if you remember..’

‘oh yeah – he’s kind of hard to forget.’

‘right. he’s been...an addict for forever, but now he’s finally clean and we’re all just trying to keep him from falling off the wagon. and my brother five is back – magically, somehow, he made his way back to us. it’s..it’s like once dad was gone, maybe we actually have a shot at being a real family..’

‘I’m happy for you v..’

mia went on about her family; her brother and his wife, her new troublesome nephew, and her mom, signing when vanya asked how she was – ‘she’s about the same as she always was. we don’t really..talk much, not since I came out to her..’ by the end of the night, there was only one subject not yet broached; vanya had been twiddling her fingers, trying to find a way to approach, until mia carefully spoke,

‘so um, are..are you seeing anyone?..’

vanya’s heart caught in her throat. she did her best to play it off.

‘n-no, no – I don’t think I’m really the kinda person..people wanna date..’

‘what, smart and talented? yeah, I hear you people have it tough.’

she allowed herself a smile back, before daring, ‘wh-what about you?...’

mia sighed deeply. her eyes went down to her mug, fingers gripping around.

‘not really. I mean, here and there, but..nothing to call home about. it’s..I..’ she laughed quietly, more to herself ‘..it’s stupid, but I..haven’t..haven’t really felt connected to anyone except you..’

things slowed. vanya waits, gauging, because she’s sure this couldn’t be happening. this sort of thing doesn’t happen. no where does your childhood sweetheart come traipsing back after fifteen years and claim they’re still in love with you (outside of cheesy movies, that is).

‘..really?’

‘yeah. in fact...you wanna know something?..’

a silent nod in response, not helping being curious. mia brings her fingers up to her neck, pushing past the collar of the white sweater. something glinted and vanya hadn’t even realized she was wearing a necklace. her heart started hammering louder as mia pulled at the chain, fingers sliding down to pull out the pendent –

a tiny silver cello.

now vanya’s sure she’s dreaming. she’s this bizarre mixing of shock and softening heart; she isn’t even sure what to say. mia’s giving her her smile, if not a little nervously.

‘I know..it probably seems like I just put it on to see you, but..in reality, I haven’t taken it off since you gave it to me. andrew actually used to poke fun of me for it.’

vanya doesn’t think before acting. her hand reaches across, grasping around the pendent. she had to slide across to get a hold, not noticing mia quietly gasping as she got closer.

‘I can’t believe you kept it..’ she whispered, noticing how it still held up to perfect shape even after these years. a bright light sparked in blue eyes.

‘how could I not?..’

vanya pauses. this was never meant to come out into the open, but then she whispers ‘..you wanna know something too?’

mia’s brow lifts curiously and that’s all the initiative she needs. vanya pushes off the couch, a smile and a finger to say wait here, headed to the bedroom. from her bedside drawer, she takes the worn purple jewellery box, it’s mirror smudged and threads coming lose. she takes it back to the living room couch, mia eyeing her as she opens it, fingers shaking but eager as she pulls up the bottom to reveal the secret compartment underneath.

mia gasps. slowly, she reaches over, fingers dipping inside to part through the old gum packets that had managed to stay together.

‘you kept them..’ she pulls up a dark purple, smile breaking out at reading the years old birthday message ‘I’m amazed they’re still here..’

‘every last one.’ vanya smiles at seeing her do the same ‘well, almost..’

she reaches back for her coat previously abandoned on the couch, digging through the pockets till she found the pink case, sliding it to mia.

‘I tend to..keep this one on me. you know, in case I need a pick-me-up, a reminder..’

the smile grows as mia pulls it open, peeling the wrappers and chuckling at the eons old gum stained with blue ink. vanya waits on her, but she stays quiet; the delight deludes as she holds onto age old memories, something stirring tensely that vanya can feel.

‘if..if you’d kept these all this time..and felt, you know...’ she brings her gaze up, unafraid of meeting the other woman directly ‘how come you never?..’

v anya buckles under it, head coming down. her hands anxiously intertwine and come undone as she pulls apart her thoughts.

‘it..it was so long ago. and we were just kids, even if..even if it didn’t always feel like it. sometimes..I would think about it, but..I figured you had something better, that you couldn’t have been waiting around fifteen years like me. but, the necklace..’

‘sorta says something different, hm?..’ mia teases gently, admiring the cello between her fingers ‘I just...got tired of ‘what if’ scenarios..’

vanya smiles up at her. god she was beautiful. she wanted nothing more in the world then to thread her fingers through the blond e curls, have her close. ten inches across the couch suddenly was an ocean.

‘..you were always the braver one between us.’

mia drops the necklace, locking eyes. waiting. vanya swallowed trying to pick apart what it might be in the quiet. it was stretching and stretching. she tilts her head, blond curls sliding against her cheek, lips tilting.

‘.. not always..’

vanya’s blush is bashful, head moving down again. blue eyes are digging through her, perhaps searching for something vanya doesn’t know how to give in return.

‘...your collar is flipped, by the way..’

‘oh..’ vanya blinked back, looking down to find the corner of the button up collar had flipped up ‘sorry –’

in a flash of movement, mia was pressing her lips against hers. vanya gasped sharply. reality skips a beat and now the world is spinning. in the moment, she’s thirteen and trying to find her bearings as mia kisses her – except, it isn’t strawberry gloss spreading over her lips but the colourful lipstick. making a claim. hers, vanya thought as she began kissing back, like I’ve always been.

at some point mia pulls away. they're still close. vanya’s gripping her nails into the couch cushion just to avoid pulling mia back in. she meets her gaze, watching her favourite grin come over the blonde.

‘..looks like you haven’t gotten better at your sorry’s..’ mia whispers. vanya takes in a deep breath, the not always ringing in her head.

‘...I’m still willing to learn..’ she tries.

there’s another wild grin and that was it for the night. neither leaves the other’s side again, kisses and hands intertwined to sooth the loneliness fifteen years had made.

and it didn’t matter if the pink bubblegum vanya could taste was in her head or not.

what did was that she was at home now.

-

‘you’re the only person I know who’d sit alone at their own party.’

allison’s voice jostled vanya back to her surroundings. she glanced up at her sister, long fushia gown and caramel curls crafted perfectly, grinning curiously at her. vanya smiled back.

‘had to take a rest.’ she told her, watching allison take the seat beside her at one of the many white clothed tables ‘as nice as dress shoes are, they’re not exactly made for standing long hours.’

‘not to downplay the sharpness of that suit,’ vanya blushed modestly at the compliment, brushing off the black dress pants and grey blazer, tie tucked underneath ‘but I’d like to hear you say that and then try on five inch heels.’

she chuckled ‘fair point..’

allison smiled back. both their attention drifted back to the dance floor. the night was staring to wind down a bit, a couple hours after the party and several after the actual ceremony. it hadn’t been a very big crowd to begin with; a lot of mia’s friends, her brother who had to leave early to put him and his wife’s four-year-old to bed, and some of vanya’s orchestra friends. vanya had been fine to not even have a party, but she knew it was what mia wanted.

it took a lot of convincing from mia to invite her siblings. vanya would at least send an invite to allison, maybe five, but she was near convinced no body else would want to be here. not even after all the strides they’d made. but mia was stubborn and wouldn’t give up the chase until an invite was drawn up for each hargreeves child; ‘if we send them and they don’t come, then they don’t come. but we can at least give them the benefit of the doubt, nothing really to loose.’

it had actually worked out in the end. they sat front row to watch vanya and mia exchange vows – klaus even briefly making ben corporeal so he could watch with them – and their sister was amazed they could all sit together that long without breaking into squabbling. and they looked like they’d been having good fun at the party too. luther and five were chatting by the bar. klaus, after berating andrew some more who remained a good sport, was now gleefully spinning mia around on the dance floor, room filling up with her loud laughter. not far from them, was diego with claire, hand in hand and her standing on his toes so they could dance. both sisters were beaming at the scene, allison’s eyes drifting to mia.

‘..she’s beautiful vanya.’ allison spoke with her honest kindness. vanya followed her eyes, landing on the white lace gliding around mia’s legs and her curls tumbling free from where they were pinned, how happy she was. she couldn’t hold back her grin.

‘I know..’ she whispered, hearing her sister scoff good-naturedly, smiling at the way she was watching the blonde.

‘...you smitten-kitten.’ she teased, smile deluding with sudden seriousness ‘...vanya, I just..I..wanted to say sorry..’

vanya’s brow knit together ‘for what?..’

‘that I..that I didn’t get it, when we were younger..’ she traced a long, brightly painted nail over the table to avoid gazes ‘I was just excited at having another girl to talk about boys with, that..I didn’t even think, that while I was blabbing on about leo dicaprio, you probably wanted to talk about keira knightley or someone..’

vanya had to laugh. allison smiled, though didn’t get rid of her seriousness.

‘..you don’t have to be sorry about that. seriously. I was very good..at hiding everything from everyone..’

‘this is true. but..klaus said he knew mia from before..–’

‘that’s because klaus doesn’t know how to mind his own business.’ vanya blurted, allison now the one giggling ‘and..it was kinda easier, him being in the same boat and everything..’

a tick of silence. allison anxiously bit into her lip, still fidgeting with the cloth.

‘I just...I hope you didn’t think...that if you had told me I would’ve...you know, if-if you were too scared to – because if you had told me, I don’t want you to think I would’ve been anything but support –’

‘allison.’ vanya cut off gently, another smile ‘c’mon.’

finally, her tenseness flowed off her shoulders. she smiled back, bashful.

‘..okay. I can get rid of that guilt then.’ they both shared a laugh, returning back to the dance floor ‘..I really am happy for you, the both of you. you and mia, diego and that detective on his arm that’s clearly way out of his league –’

vanya snorted.

‘and even though it is an actual...mannequin, at least five is happy. seems mostly everybody is with somebody..’ she ends wistfully, doing her best to stare as sadly as possible out at the couples. vanya playfully rolled her eyes.

‘allison, c’mon.’

‘no, no no,’ allison waved her hand, trying to smoother her smile ‘let me have my pity corner, it’s all I got now..’

vanya surveyed the room, the people left milling around. she leaned forward in her chair to be closer to her, hands clasped.

‘..for the record, mia and I know at least ten different lesbians between us who’d literally give their right arm to dance with you, let alone go out with you.’

at that, allison couldn’t smoother her smile any more ‘well, good to know I have options..’

vanya laughed along. their family really was having (actual) fun out there. maybe they should head back.

she raises from her chair, feeling allison’s eyes on her in surprise. she moves to stand over her curious sister, both a hand and smile extended.

‘guess you’ll just have to settle for me for now.’

another smile, chuckle. slowly, she brought up her hand, slipping it over vanya’s.

‘alright, but I’m leading.’

they both head out, laughing and falling in line with the other couples, vanya claiming if allison wanted to lead then she could at least learn how to, and allison quipping if she wanted to lead so bad she could grow a couple more inches. regardless they had their fun together, until about twenty minutes in when mia tapped on allison’s shoulder.

‘mind if I take her from you?’

‘not in the least.’ allison grinned, handing vanya off ‘I’ll just see if my daughter isn’t embarrassed enough to want to dance with her mom..’

‘oh no, wait, pick me pick me!’ klaus broke in, hand wildly waving in the air as he jumped up and down ‘I yearn to dance!’

allison rolled her eyes, but followed her brother all the same. vanya left them to it, wrapping her hand around mia’s waist, fingers intertwining and falling in line. they swayed easy, close, vanya at ease. she eventually lifted her gaze, seeing mia observing the room, all of the siblings together.

‘..is it too soon to say I told you so?’ she wiggled her eyebrows. vanya jokingly rolled her eyes.

‘that wouldn’t stop you..’ she quipped, also scanning around ‘at least they seem to be having fun. I’m amazed no one left after the ceremony..’

‘they love you vanya.’

vanya glanced back. the playfulness had left mia; she squeezed her hand tighter, leaning in, closing the space between them to make it just them amungst the dancing couples.

‘..they wanna be here for you.’

vanya tried to smile back, but it was shaky. for so long, she’d spend it on the sidelines, watching them and waiting on the moment one of them breaks free and beckons her over. the idea that now everyone was here for her, was almost too much. five agreeing to officiate the ceremony, allison acting as a stand-in bridesmaid with claire getting to be a flower girl, who would’ve ever guessed it? and they did it because they loved her. the first time, vanya had been in a crowd of people, and felt like it would finally matter if she slipped away. not just for her wife, but now because her family finally meant family.

‘...and here I thought it was for the open bar..’ she whispered, laugh wet. mia leaned in, kissing her cheek. vanya let her forehead lean against mia’s, eyes closed, breathing in clear through her tightened throat.

‘...I guess I’m no longer your one good thing..’ mia gently teased.

‘no..’ she opened her eyes, meeting the bright, clear blue that gets a smile immediately ‘...but you’re still my favourite..’

and just like vanya wanted, the smile grows across pink lipsticked lips, beautiful and vanya is so unbelievably happy because she gets to see it light up a room for the rest of her life.

so she puts her fingertips under mia’s chin, pulling her in for a kiss. she knows it’s impossible, because they’ve had nothing but champagne and wedding cake that mia smeared on vanya’s face, but she can taste the faint lingering of it. maybe it’s just a memory. it’ll probably always be there. what she primarily catches, is forever – love, spread through the kiss.

for her, those things will just always have the taste of bright, florescent pink bubblegum.