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He'd come back from Asgard differently. Brooding, angry, always seemingly on the verge of telling her something but never doing so. She wondered constantly what had happened in his short visit at home that had changed him.
After the battle with Malekith, Thor had returned home to talk with his father and ultimately give up the throne. He hadn't been gone long and Jane had been thrilled when he'd come back to earth. To her. And things had been wonderful for almost a year. Then he’d gone home to visit his friends and see his father again. He had only been gone about a week, but was remarkably different when he came back.
She’d tried asking about it, but he’d waved her off, being uncharacteristically brusque before sighing tiredly and apologizing. For the relatively short time that she’d known him, he’d never been good at secrets, but now he was guarding a burden close to his heart and refusing to talk about it. And it was eating him up.
But the source of the problem became obvious a few months later, when she returned to the house they had been sharing. It was late at night, but she wasn’t surprised to see lights on all over the house. Conserving electricity wasn’t something Thor had grasped very well, if at all. But when she called his name he didn’t answer, and that was odd. Despite how different he’d been lately, he was still always happy to see her and almost seemed relieved when she returned home.
She walked through a couple of rooms and called to him a few times, stopping only when she reached the back door and heard voices outside. His voice and someone else’s. Someone she had only met once. Someone she’d thought to be dead. Someone she’d been grateful to think was dead.
“Loki, why are you here?” Thor asked, voice surprisingly soft and sounding overly tired.
Loki avoided the question with a few of his own. “Is this where you’re living now? Playing house with your human lover?”
Thor didn’t answer. Cautiously, she moved to one of the open-windows near the back door and peeked out to see him…and to confirm that Loki was indeed alive and here, on their back porch.
Thor looked weary, but his eyes followed Loki carefully as if he were waiting for an attack. It probably wasn’t out of the realm of possibility, but for the moment, Loki seemed to only be pacing, stopping occasionally to throw his brother a curious look.
“What do you want?” Thor asked, the same odd, quiet tone to his voice.
Loki stopped and looked at him again. Jane wouldn’t have believed it if she hadn’t been looking, but Loki’s eyes flashed briefly with concern before he hid it quickly. He glared at Thor again and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Aren’t you bored here?” he sneered.
Thor shook his head.
“Don’t you miss your friends?” he sounded annoyed.
“Yes.”
“Aren’t you concerned I might be burning Asgard to the ground?”
“Are you?”
“Why haven’t you challenged me on this yet?” Loki seemed to be growing more livid by the minute, seemingly distressed by Thor’s lack of angry outburst.
“What, for the throne? I told you I didn’t want it.” He looked up at that, eyes flashing angrily for a moment. “Or rather, I thought I told our father.”
“He’s not--”
“Not your father, I know.”
Loki’s eyes filled with hurt for a quick second. Thor lifted his hand slightly and looked like he wanted to say something else, expression slightly sad and guilty. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes.
Loki turned away and leaned against the porch railing, head tilted towards the sky. Thor took a few steps closer to him and sighed.
“Why are you here, Loki?” he repeated softly.
This time, Loki didn’t snap a question in return, but was silent for a few moments before finally turning to face his brother again. Still, he didn’t answer, and he looked a little bit…helpless. It faded quickly, replaced by anger. He glared at Thor, green eyes glittering in the darkness.
Jane wasn’t sure, but he seemed to be waiting for Thor to answer his own question. It was as if he wanted Thor to figure it out for himself, that he didn’t want to be forced to spell it out for him. She imagined that showing any sort of vulnerability wasn’t something that Loki was very good at; but replacing it with malice was easy.
“Aren’t you tired of this?” Thor asked suddenly. His eyes were patient, and he didn’t look quite so weary anymore.
Loki’s anger seemed to fade slightly, but he was still glaring at Thor in response. “Of what?”
“This,” Thor replied, motioning back and forth between the two of them. “You and me. Always fighting.”
“Are you?”
Thor stepped closer to him, indecisive for a moment before he reached out and squeezed Loki’s shoulder. He didn’t let go, and Loki seemed to have trouble holding onto his angry glare.
“Yes,” Thor answered quietly.
His answer seemed to catch Loki off guard. He looked down and then up at Thor again, his sharp and polished veneer wearing down to uncertainty and sadness.
“Thor…I…” Loki swallowed hard. He didn’t seem to know how to answer, didn’t seem to know what to do with Thor’s calm honesty.
Thor stepped closer still and brought his other hand to the side of Loki’s neck. “I know there are mountains of unresolved issues between us, brother. I know they’re not things that can be fixed easily or quickly or maybe not at all. But I’m just…tired. And I wish we could find a way to make peace.”
Loki stared at him for a few more moments, unmoving, before he finally deflated, the last of his anger fading away. He leaned forward, dropping his head against Thor’s chest and squeezing his eyes shut. Thor pulled Loki closer and wrapped his arms around his younger brother’s back, his own eyes closing as he leaned his head against Loki’s. Loki didn’t return the embrace, but he didn’t pull away and he allowed himself to be held.
Jane found herself holding her breath as she watched the two of them, uncertain how to feel. She had, of course, known that Thor had been heartbroken by his brother’s alleged death. Despite everything he had done and Thor’s claims to no longer believe his brother had any good in him, Loki was still – in the end – his little brother. And hope where Loki was concerned wasn’t something Thor was able to rid himself of easily.
They had rarely discussed Loki, because Jane couldn’t bring herself to find any sympathy for him, and Thor couldn’t help his feelings. Centuries of loving his younger brother wasn’t something he could stop in a short amount of time. But now she understood why Thor had been different ever since his last trip home; it must have been that that he had discovered that Loki was alive and had once again tricked him. She didn’t know what had transpired after that, but it had obviously left Thor feeling betrayed and upset.
“Why haven’t you fought me yet?” Loki murmured. He didn’t move away from Thor’s embrace. “Why have you left me on the throne?”
Thor sighed and ran a hand over Loki’s hair. “I was going to. Expose you for tricking everyone – including me – and challenge you. But you…you’re doing everything right. Asgard is prosperous, the Nine Realms remain at peace.”
“And Odin?”
Thor pulled back a little, one hand still around Loki’s back, the other sliding from his hair to the side of his neck. His expression hardened a little, but he remained calm. “You didn’t kill him.”
Loki’s eyes flashed angrily, but he still didn’t try to pull away from Thor’s embrace; he lifted one hand to grip his upper arm instead. “I wanted to,” he hissed.
“But you didn’t.”
Loki continued to glare, and he seemed to be waiting for Thor to say something more. Probably to ask him why he hadn’t killed him. But Thor didn’t say anything else; he just pulled Loki close again instead. Loki shivered slightly and buried his face against Thor’s neck. He still didn’t return his older brother’s embrace, but his fingers twisted in the hem of Thor’s shirt.
They were quiet for a long time, wrapped up in their embrace and web of emotions. It was finally Loki who broke the silence, even though he didn’t move from Thor’s arms.
“I missed you,” he said softly.
Thor’s eyes opened, pain and a wary sort of hope flashing in his expression. He didn’t move.
“What?”
“You asked me why I came here,” Loki murmured. He pulled back a little and met his brother’s eyes. “That’s why. Because I missed you.” It seemed almost painful for him to admit.
The air between them crackled with emotion. Thor looked like he wanted to believe Loki’s words more than anything, and Loki had an intent look of determination in his green eyes. As if he was daring Thor to say he didn’t believe him. He had bared his vulnerability and he was clearly terrified of being rejected.
Thor stared at him intently for a few more moments, and when Loki fidgeted under his gaze, Thor laughed and Loki glared at him. Thor’s grin slowly faded into something fonder and he slid his hand around to the back of Loki’s neck, fingers slipping through his dark hair. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Loki’s. Loki sighed and pressed a little closer, one hand still gripping Thor’s upper arm, the other remaining firmly at his side.
It was finally Thor who moved, fingers tangling in Loki’s hair as he leaned in to brush his smile against Loki’s lips. Loki’s fingers tightened against Thor’s arm for a second as his entire body stiffened and then almost instantly relaxed. His eyes fluttered shut as he returned the kiss, and he slid one arm around the back of Thor’s neck, the other around his back, finally returning Thor’s embrace.
Jane could only stare. To say she was surprised to see them kiss was an understatement. But at the same time, it made more sense than she cared to admit. They had never discussed Loki, and Jane had never asked any questions. Maybe she hadn’t wanted to know. She stood perfectly still now, watching them kiss, wrapped up in one another’s arms, connected in way that was more than physical and something she knew almost instantly that she could never compete with. She didn’t want to, but it was…unsettling. A part of her wanted to look away but found that she couldn’t, drawn to their connection as she held her breath and bit her bottom lip.
When they finally broke apart, Thor ran his thumb over Loki’s jaw line and threaded his fingers through his dark hair. Loki smiled at him for a few moments – the look in his eyes surprisingly genuine and soft. Thor pulled him in closer and Loki let him, nestling into Thor’s arms and dropping his cheek against his shoulder.
Jane watched them for a few more moments and was just about to turn away when Loki’s eyes snapped open and looked directly at her. His eyes were full of triumph, possessive and flashing brightly with anger. She was frozen where she stood, terrified by the malice in his eyes. He smirked at her fear, and she had to wonder how long he’d known she had been watching. Probably since she’d come home. He gave her one more look of anger, before turning and pulling Thor’s head down for another kiss.
When they broke apart again, Thor smiled softly at him and pressed their foreheads together. They stayed that way for a while before Loki finally pulled away and drew in a deep breath. Thor looked at him intently for a few more moments before pressing another kiss to his lips and then stepping back and letting him go.
“What now, brother?” Thor asked. His demeanor was infinitely more relaxed and at ease than he had been before.
Loki shrugged. “You go back to pretending to be mortal. I go back to being king.” His eyes flashed smugly, but his overall appearance remained softer.
“Loki, I will be back to visit, and if I find out that you’ve been causing trouble…”
Loki rolled his eyes. “Either challenge me for the throne or don’t, but keep your big-brother warnings to yourself please.”
“I thought you said you missed me,” Thor replied, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
“I must have been delusional.”
At that Thor laughed and cupped the side of Loki’s face with his hand. “Well even if that’s true, I’m glad you came here tonight.”
Loki met his eyes honestly for a few moments and turned his head into Thor’s palm. Sighing, he took a quick step forward and kissed Thor firmly. When he broke away, he was quick to let his features settle back into an arrogant indifference.
“Enjoy Midgard, brother. Farewell.”
Thor nodded and smiled warmly at him. “Goodbye, Loki. For now.”
Loki vanished in flash of green light. Thor took a few steps forward, leaning against the railing of the deck and looking up at the stars.
Jane watched him for a few moments before turning away quietly. She wasn’t sure how to feel about what she’d witnessed, but on a more realistic level she knew that she didn’t really have a choice in the matter. She couldn’t come between them or force Thor to stop loving the brother he’d had for centuries. It wasn’t something she could compete with, but she didn’t want to. And she didn’t really need to. Thor was with her for now, for however long it lasted, and she was happy.