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Jisoo drooped his head lowly. Lower than usual. He watched as his feet kept walking across the pavement, paying no attention to the passing pedestrians that continuously began to bump shoulders with him with added dirty looks towards him. He didn't care though. He couldn't care less what anyone else thought.
His feet stopped as soon as he saw the first drop hit the concrete. This was all too cliche, but the forecast did call for rain this afternoon so there was no need to be surprised. Jisoo saw the overcast above that set off a drizzle in the city.
Many already began pulling up their umbrellas as a cautious action in case of a heavier downfall. He scoffed to himself, seeing how they'd never survive the downpours back in America. But this was his home now. The streets of Seoul were familiar to him compared to his distant childhood streets. The surroundings of buildings, trains, buses, and congestion on the roads and sidewalks was normal.
He entered a nearby convenience store and pulled an umbrella from the sale rack that was purposely placed in front of the doors. Jisoo wasn't dripping as much as he expected, fortunately, but he was nevertheless uncomfortable in his damp clothes. He looked around for food, his stomach grumbling quietly muted by the sounds of his shoes squeaking against the newly mopped tiles underneath him.
Glancing at his phone ever so often was a force of habit, even though he knew that nobody would call or text him at this point. Jisoo doesn't have any right to be upset, he didn't tell anyone about the layoff from his job. But he wanted to tell someone. He had a specific person in mind, but that idea was unrealistic. He can't call him back.
Not now.
He settled for a bowl of ramen, heating it up with the hot water provided after paying before he sat down on the stool with the bar table facing outside. It was getting heavier, Jisoo was thankful for the perfect timing with his hunger and need to buy an umbrella. He used to like the sounds and memories that rain dawned upon him, but now it was just a soft yet heavy reminder.
He drowned it out by slurping the noodles louder than usual. The only company being the employee behind the counter who was clearly on break with a cup of coffee in her right her eyes glued to her phone in her left, Jisoo knew it didn't matter how loud he slurped.
Looking out the window again, he saw a familiar face and knocked on the window, snickering when he saw his friend jolt out of shock. Soonyoung grinned and removed the earbud out of his ears as he headed inside towards his older friend.
“Hyung,” Soonyoung chuckled happily. They shared a smile after their handshake as the younger one pulled up a chair. “How have you been?” Jisoo shrugged. “What have you been up to?”
Jisoo pointed to his ramen as he smiled watching his friend laugh. He swallowed the broth in his mouth before finally speaking. “You don't usually come here.”
Soonyoung gasped happily. “Oh, I didn't tell you? I found a new job opportunity here! Might move here as well— that's kind of why I'm glad I bumped into you.”
Jisoo took a sip of his water and patted Soonyoung’s shoulder. “You're more than welcome to crash at my place.”
“Oh, no no. I'll share the rent with you. You don't need to provide for me,” he grinned while laughing as Jisoo pouted a bit. “Hey, I'm not a struggling college student anymore! It'll just be like old times. What do you say, Hyung?”
There wasn't much to think about: Jisoo really needed a roommate and he vastly prefered a familiar face—let alone his closest friend— rather than a stranger that filled out an online roommate application. He nodded, squealing when Soonyoung hugged him gratefully.
Jisoo was accompanied by his bubbly friend on his walk back home. They caught up with each other, the last time they hung out being almost more than a year ago. He broke the news to Soonyoung who pouted. “Oh, I'm sorry about the layoff, Hyung.”
It’s fine,” shrugged Jisoo. “Guess I'll go job hunting soon.”
“Does Hansol know?”
Jisoo felt his muscles tense at the mention of the name. Soonyoung noticed a change in atmosphere as he watched the elder one trudge up the flight of stairs towards the third floor. He followed along quietly, already concluding as to what had happened between the two. It was a quiet walk to the end of hallway, the only sound being the floorboards that Jisoo’s landlord was supposed to replace last month.
Soonyoung watched as Jisoo fumbled to unlock his keys as he kept dropping them. He intervened, taking the keys when they dropped the fifth time and unlocked the door himself. Jisoo sighed and thanked him before they stepped in.
Jisoo was leaning against the younger one’s shoulder, already dressed in sweats and a hoodie with mismatched socks that he didn't dare to find partners for. Soonyoung pulled the blanket around them more as he sighed. “Sorry for bringing him up, Hyung.”
“It's not your fault,” sighed Jisoo. “You didn't know.”
“Well… do you want to, I don't know, talk about it?” Soonyoung looked over at his phone to check the time, keeping tabs on the pizza delivery.
Jisoo shook his head. “There isn't much to talk about… We just— yeah.”
“In person though, right?”
“Over the phone.” He looked up to see Soonyoung’s surprised face and nodded. “I know, I'm surprised too.”
“That's not like him at all.” Soonyoung frowned as Jisoo looked back at the television, agreeing silently. He stood up when the doorbell rang and leaned Jisoo’s head against the back cushion as he went to get the pizza.
Jisoo saw his phone ring in the meantime. He rubbed his eyes and held the phone closer to make sure his eyes weren't playing games with him when he saw the number on screen without a caller ID. He recognize whose number it was though. It hasn't even been a week but Jisoo felt like it's been awhile since he saw that number on his phone.
He declined the call and quickly hid it on his lap under the blanket as Soonyoung came back and grinned while playing the pizza on the coffee table in front of them that they’ve been using as a makeshift foot rest.
“Who needs boyfriends, anyway?” Soonyoung nudged Jisoo with a grin to lighten the mood. “All you need is your best friend and some pizza!”
Jisoo blinked as he watched his younger friend devour his pizza. “Aren't you still dating Junhui?”
Soonyoung whined as he was pulling the pizza from his mouth to see how long he can stretch the cheese before the question made him rip the cheese off. He started chewing as Jisoo snickered a bit, taking a bite into his own slice.
“Thank you though.”
“Anything else I can do for you, Hyung?” Jisoo was about to open his mouth before Soonyoung’s phone went off. Checking it, his eyes widened a bit at the caller ID. He picked it up and coughed “Uh, hello you've reached the wrong number—”
“Hyung, are you with Jisoo hyung right now?” Hansol asked. “I need to talk to him.”
Soonyoung began to feel his heart race as he saw Jisoo staring at him confused while still on the phone. “T-the number you have reached is unavailable right now—”
“He's with you, isn't he?” Hansol sighed as he rubbed his temples. “Please, he isn't answering his phone and I just… I just want to talk to him.”
Quickly, Soonyoung uttered out a phrase Junhui taught him before hanging up and shoving his phone back into his pocket and stuffing his mouth with another slice of pizza.
“What did you even say before you hung up?”
“I'm not sure,” Soonyoung exhaled after chugging his bottle of cola. “I'm pretty sure I just called him a beautiful person in Mandarin.”
Jisoo paused. “Him?”
“Huh?”
The older one put his plate down and wiped the sauce from his lips. “Who is he ?” The silence that filled the atmosphere gave Jisoo the answer he didn't want but received anyway. “Ah… he's still trying to call.”
“How about we just call it a night and I stay here, Hyung?” Jisoo agreed and Soonyoung grinned as he shooed Jisoo to his room to rest as he cleaned up. He sighed. He wanted to call Hansol back, but he knew he shouldn’t backstab Jisoo like that, especially after offering his place to him. No, he thinks Hansol should figure this one out by himself.
—
“You usually don’t call this late,” Jisoo grinned as he was sweeping the floor of his apartment. “Are you coming over?”
“I don’t think so, Hyung,” Hansol replied back as he was walking to the subway station with his messenger bag clinging to him over his right shoulder. “I have to meet up with Seungyoun and Jamie tonight.”
Jisoo grimaced to himself but nodded. “Well, alright. But you’re welcome to come by after hanging with them. You know I stay up late on Thursdays anyway to watch my American show livestreams.” He chuckled to himself but quickly stopped when he didn’t hear Hansol laugh with him. “Sol, are you okay?”
“There’s just a lot on my plate, Hyung.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jisoo pouted. “You know you’re always welcome to talk to me. After all, we are dating.”
“Yeah, Hyung, we need to talk about that—”
Jisoo stopped in his tracks as he was putting back the dustpan and broom in the cleaning closet. “We do? Oh, is there something wrong?”
“Well, not exactly—” Hansol scratched the back of his neck as he was waiting on the platform for the train to arrive.
“Is it because I live too far away?” Jisoo questioned as his heart started to increasingly beat faster. “Is it because we haven’t seen each other face-to-face in a while?”
“Hyung, that’s not it—”
“Then what is it, Sol? You know we should talk these things out since we’re in a relationship.”
“That’s the thing, Hyung.” Hansol took a deep breath as he filed into the train with the small evening crowd that entered with him. He sat down near the door as it closed while whispering into the receiver. “I just think… we might need some time off, that’s all.”
It was silent for a moment as Jisoo sat down on the couch in his living room and patted his chest, an attempt to calm his heart throbbing. “Are we breaking up?”
“I mean—”
“Hansol, this is a yes or no question. There are no in-between answers.” Jisoo was as shocked as Hansol by the tone that left his mouth with that statement. He knew when to be serious, he just never had to do so when it came to Hansol.
Hansol took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes. I’m breaking up with you, Hyung. But—” he paused as soon as he heard the dial tone. Sighing he hung up and ruffled his hair, leaning back as he looked up at the ceiling as the train continued to move along the rails.
His phone rang again and Hansol quickly sat up with hopeful eyes only to see Seungyoun on caller ID.
“Hello?” he answered.
“Hey. You near? Jamie's going to get Nathan before they get food,” Seungyoun hummed.
Hansol scratched his head. “Yeah, I'm about ten minutes away. Do you need something?”
“Depends,” his friend hummed. “Did you do what I asked?”
“Y-yeah…”
“Atta boy, Han!” Seungyoun grinned. “See? You got a weight off your shoulders now. Just sit back and relax with your pals when you get here, mkay?”
—
“Why do you always run out of almond milk?” Wonwoo groaned as he closed the fridge with the practically empty carton in hand as he poured it into his glass, filling it less than half of the volume.
Hansol groaned, tossing a tennis-sized rubber ball he found through all his knicknacks. “Don't ask me why, the only reason I have it in the first place is because you’re the only one who drinks it.”
Wonwoo hummed as he sipped his milk and came over to sit on the loveseat adjacent to the couch Hansol was lying down on. “Yeah, and I'm forever grateful for you satisfying my non-dairy milk desires.” He chuckled as Hansol rolled his eyes and squealed when the ball landed on his nose. Wonwoo snickered before he turned his head and saw the phone on the table, face-down. “Not picking up?”
“I tried texting,” Hansol sighed as he was rubbing his nose, “tried calling, I even tried calling Soonyoung but he kept saying voicemail messages.”
The older one nodded, believing Hansol’s words as it has happened before. Wiping his mouth and looking back at his friend after placing the glass on a nearby coaster on the table he reached out and patted Hansol’s head. “I still don't understand why you broke it off…”
Hansol sat up, looking at the house slippers on his feet that Jisoo got him as he frowned. “I just said… I think we need a break… he didn't even give me time to explain myself. I want to better myself for him. Seungyoun suggested I do so anyway.”
“Did you say those exact words though?”
“Well, not exactly, but—”
“Yeah, that's the problem,” Wonwoo sighed, “you may have meant that, but does Hyung know that? You didn't explicitly tell him. Also, I said stop hanging out with that kid, he's becoming a bad influence to you.”
“He’s still a friend,” Hansol pouted a bit offended but groaned.
“A bad friend, you dumbass.”
“Fuck,” Hansol groaned loudly as he laid back down on the couch groaning his face into the pillow he grabbed near the armrest. “Then what do I do, Hyung? I feel like an asshole.”
“Because you are, in fact, an asshole. And also a dumbass.” Wonwoo watched as Hansol whined again, kicking his legs frantically against the couch, clearly upset with how the situation played out. He chugged down his almond milk and sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, what was your ‘plan’ for bettering yourself anyway? Hang out with those friends of yours?”
“...Yeah.”
“You really are a dumbass,”Wonwoo muttered to himself softly enough for Hansol to hear him. “Well, okay. Do what you think is right. But if I have to bust your ass out of the police station or something, we're having a serious intervention.”
—
Soonyoung smiled as he saw Jisoo walking up to him at the subway station with his messenger bag hanging onto his chest tightly. “You look like a student more than an employee,” Soonyoung joked, earning a hit on the shoulder from his older friend. He laughed it off as he rubbed it as it surprisingly hurt. They waited in line for the train to arrive so they could get lunch three stops away before heading back to their respected jobs. “Did you see that event coming up?”
“What event?” Jisoo asked looking up from his phone.
Soonyoung pulled his phone out of his back pocket and pouted shyly when Jisoo cooed at his lockscreen picture of him with Junhui. After tapping his SNS app, he tilted the screen towards Jisoo to see better. “There’s this concert happening in a month. Most of the acts are just buskers from Hongdae.” Soonyoung saw the look in Jisoo’s eyes. “You should email the staff to join too. They’re still asking for acts.”
“What?” Jisoo blinked in shock. The train came at that moment and they filed in and opted to stand up while holding onto the pole near the door. Jisoo shook his head. “I haven’t performed in front of an audience in years. You know I’m probably still rusty.”
“Hyung, if I had half the talent that you had, I would still sign up,” Soonyoung replied. He scrunched his nose when Jisoo gave him a look. “Yes, that was a compliment!” The train started moving and Soonyoung sighed as he locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. “Look… I know you usually perform with… with…”
“...he who shall not be named…” Jisoo interrupted.
“Right,” Soonyoung nodded. “ Him . But, I don’t think you should let you hold that back. I think you can have an amazing performance as a solo performer.”
It was quiet between them and Soonyoung believed he had to give up the conversation as he exited the flyer he saw on his phone before Jisoo tugged at his arm.
Looking up, Jisoo was looking at the floor and coughed before making eye contact with him. “W-what’s the email for the event?” Smiling excitedly, Soonyoung quickly showed the email address to his older friend who was typing it up as a memo on his phone. “Okay, I’ll do it tonight,” Jisoo sighed. “B-but don’t expect a lot out of it. I’ll probably play something I wrote a long time ago.”
“Aw, I’m just happy you’re doing it, Hyung!” Soonyoung giggled, squeezing Jisoo’s hand. Jisoo rolled his eyes but smiled a bit before the train stopped and the two walked off. Walking towards their shared apartment, Soonyoung groaned when he heard his stomach rumble.
Jisoo snickered. “Hungry?”
“I started a new diet last Monday. I just ate a caesar for lunch,” Soonyoung whined. “I’m really craving ramen, though.”
Just in the knick of time, they just so happened to walk by a convenience store. Soonyoung whined again and tried to keep walking forward to ignore the tempting food the store offered, but Jisoo pulled him inside with him. “Oh, relax,” Jisoo laughed. “I want to stock up on some snacks. And I’ll get you something small that fits your diet. My treat.”
Soonyoung grinned. “You’re the best.”
“I know,” Jisoo hummed cheekily. Soonyoung scrunched his nose and nudged Jisoo, earning another laugh from him. Soonyoung went straight to his usual snack aisle and felt his heart sink as he saw all the food he couldn’t eat. Jisoo was in the refrigerated section, far away from the entrance door, when Soonyoung noticed the door’s bell ring and saw two familiar faces. After peaking over the aisle to get a better view, he gasped and quickly crotched down when he realized those were Hansol’s friends. Those friends that told Hansol to break up with Jisoo: Nathan and Seungyeon. Thankfully, Jisoo doesn’t know who they are nor do they know what Jisoo looks like, but Soonyoung was in an awkward position.
On his hands and knees, Soonyoung crawled the aisle floor when he heard their voices drawing closer to him. He swiftly crawled to the next aisle as the guys were heading to his snack aisle. Slowly, he stood back up and leaned against the shelves to listen in better to their conversation.
“That festival’s in about a month,” Nathan said as he was looking through the chips and shuffling to find the specific flavour he wanted. “Does Han know about it?”
Seungyeon hummed as he was gazing over the snacks that Soonyoung was looking at just moments ago. “No, but I think Jamie’s going to tell him this week. Said she wanted to have a duet with him.”
Nathan snickered. “Oh, is that how she’s gonna confess to him?”
“I think so,” Seungyeon shrugged. “It seems dumb to me. I think he’s still hung up over… you know …”
Just as the conversation was getting more detailed, Jisoo tapped Soonyoung on the shoulder, making him squeal. Quickly, Soonyoung looked up at his friend and covered his mouth after realizing how loud he sounded. Jisoo blinked. “What are you doing on the floor?” he asked confused as he was holding a basket full of snacks.
“N-nothing!” Soonyoung exclaimed, a bit too instantaneously in response as he jumped up on his feet. He grabbed Jisoo’s arm and pulled him to the register. Fortunately, Nathan and Seungyeon were too involved in their own conversation to realize that Soonyoung was eavesdropping. After Jisoo paid for the snacks and the two of them left the convenience store, Soonyoung sighed in relief. However, knowing that Hansol and his friends are interested in the music festival as well made him worried about what would unfold. “How’s the new job?” Soonyoung asked to distract himself.
Jisoo shrugged. “Nothing special, but it’s pretty nice. It feels good to get back into music.”
“Are the kids behaving well?” Soonyoung joked.
“Let me tell you,” Jisoo chuckled, “it’s so much easier to teach university students compared to elementary school ones. Mostly because they don’t try to eat the xylophone mallets.” They both laughed. Soonyoung was grateful that they were able to find a job for Jisoo within a month of being laid off. He knew it would be a good distraction from the break-up. But it was still though for Jisoo. Even if he gets to work in the music field again, the music field was how he meet Hansol in the first place.
—
“Wait, wait, stop,” Jisoo interrupted as he pulled his fingers off of his guitar and spun his chair around to pause the instrumental background track on the large monitor that sat upon his desk. Hansol blinked and looked up as he was leaning his elbows on his knees, sitting on his own chair. “Your meter is all off,” Jisoo shook his head as he turned to look at Hansol.
Hansol pouted. “Is it really?”
“Yeah,” Jisoo nodded as his eyes were focused back on the music program on the computer. He started fiddling around with the settings before enlarging it to show Hansol. “The beat isn’t on one and four, it’s on three and six.”
“Oh,” Hansol blushed slightly embarrassed. “Sorry, I didn’t realize we were in 6/8 time…”
Jisoo gasped. “Oh, gosh. That’s why you were off.” He couldn’t help but chuckle at Hansol’s mistake, causing Hansol to blush harder as his ears turned red. “It’s fine, you’re lucky you’re cute,” Jisoo hummed as he leaned over and patted Hansol’s cheek lovingly. “We’re actually in 6/4 time.”
Hansol whined and covered his red cheeks with the sheet music he was holding. “Oh man, music theory was never my strong suit!” He peaked over his papers and saw Jisoo giggle a bit before he pulled his guitar back into his playing position. Hansol smiled. “I don’t know how you had the patience to get a music degree, Hyung,” he sighed. “It all seems so… intricate and difficult.”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Jisoo shrugged as he strum his guitar to make sure it was still in tune.
“That’s something a musical genius would say!” Hansol proclaimed.
“Stop,” Jisoo blushed flattered. “I’m no musical genius…”
Hansol blinked. “That is ALSO something a musical genius would say.” He laughed when Jisoo tried to kick his ankles as Jisoo joined into the laughter. Hansol grinned happily at Jisoo. “Wow, I must be so lucky to have such a musical genius as a boyfriend.”
“Well, you’re about to be kicked out of your boyfriend’s rented studio if we don’t go back to practicing.” Jisoo joked, making Hansol scrunch his nose. “From the top again,” Jisoo hummed. Hansol nodded. Before Jisoo played the background track, they shared a smile with each other. They knew nobody else would understand or share the intense love and adoration they have for each other and their musicality.
—
Hansol stood out of the building and looked at it, sighing to himself. He’s been here before with Jisoo, but it felt different. He was normally thrilled to arrive at the music studios that they used to rent out together. But now, it doesn’t give him the same joy as it did back then. He wonders if he’ll ever be able to get over the break-up. Because, truthfully, ever since, Hansol hasn’t been able to listen to music. Which is unfortunate because he claimed that music is his life.
He doesn’t open up his music app anymore, he doesn’t plug in his earphones and drown out the world on his walks back home; Hansol did not feel like himself. Probably because he lost part of himself when he broke up with Jisoo.
It felt as if he was forcing himself to walk up the stairs to the second floor where he was supposed to meet his friends. His feet trudged ever single step and Hansol heard every squeak of the floorboard, which he usually never noticed because of how he usually talked to Jisoo as they walked up the stairs. He stood in the corridor overlooking the doors that led to each music studio. Sighing, he slowly walked over to to the third studio, the one next to the one Jisoo and him usually rented.
Opening the door, he was surprised to only see Jamie there sitting in one of the chairs. She turned around from the monitor and smiled up at him. “Good, you made it.”
Hansol blinked. “Where are the other guys?”
Jamie hummed and looked back at the computer monitor. “Nathan is working on a music project that’s due tomorrow and Seungyeon is his other friends.” She smiled and patted the chair next to her. Hansol sat down after placing his backpack on the couch behind the two of them. “It’s probably going to just be us today. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh,” Hansol coughed, feeling a bit awkward. He wasn’t sure what it was, but the atmosphere felt a bit uncomfortable. “That’s… that’s fine.”
“Great,” she smiled once again. She pulled up the music file on the computer and started humming her verse that she wrote with Nathan last week. Hansol was twiddling his thumbs nervously. He knew that he was going to perform with Jamie for the music festival coming up and that him and his friends finished writing a song just a few days ago. But he felt strange.
His friends were good musicians, he couldn’t deny that. Hansol, however, knew they weren’t on par with Jisoo’s skills. Truthfully, not only was breaking up with Jisoo bad for Hansol’s entire being in general, but also his musique. He felt like he wasn’t able to do much anymore. None of his friends could answer his questions when it came to music theory questions, they couldn’t help him figure out time signatures, and they laughed when he asked curious questions about composers and other musicians.
He was thankful that they informed him about the music festival coming up. Hansol felt uneasy thinking about performing though, because he knew he performed his best with Jisoo. Only Jisoo. Jamie offered to sing a duet with him, which Nathan and Seungyeon encouraged him to participate in. After signing up, Hansol observed that Jamie seemed to act differently towards him. She began laughing a bit too harder at his jokes, she started clinging to his arm more whenever their friend group walked around, and she started asking if he would call her ‘noona,’ something she was against when they first met.
“Han?” Jamie asked as she snapped his fingers in front of his face. Hansol shook out of his trance and blinked at her. She giggled. “Zoning out again… anyway, let’s take it from the top? Seungyeon’s back-up vocals were too soft during our first run-through.” Slowly, Hansol nodded his head.
As they were rehearsing, Hansol started his lyrical section when he noticed that Jamie was giving him a look. A look that he usually got from Jisoo whenever he admired what he was doing. Hansol stopped rapping and blinked at her quietly. Jamie paused the music and blinked back at him as she scooted her chair closer to him. “Sorry,” Hansol apologized.
“Oh, don’t worry. You okay though? You’ve been doing that a lot.”
“Ah… I guess I’m just out of it today,” Hansol pouted, rubbing the back of his neck. He definitely felt the tension in the atmosphere.
“Hm, then maybe we can just end rehearsal early today,” Jamie hummed. She saved exited out of the music file, making Hansol confused. He watched as she was calmly humming and shutting off the computer.
“But we didn’t practice too long.”
Jamie smiled at him as the monitor turned off. “Relax, Han. Let’s just go out on a lunch date, hm? Maybe we can watch a movie or something afterwards too. You see stressed. We could take some time off of music.”
“But I don’t want to,” Hansol stood up, feeling a bit defensive. He watched Jamie stand up in front of him and he blinked. “I mean… I don’t want to take time off of rehearsal. We should practice more.”
“You’re such a hard-worker,” she grinned as she stood up as well. She leaned over and grabbed his right hand and held it between her own hands. “I guess that’s another reason why I like you so much.” Hansol blinked at Jamie as they continued to stand there in silence. “Han,” she tilted her head. “I’m confessing to you.”
Hansol’s eyes widened. “O-oh!” His ears turned red, a bit embarrassed with the situation. He knew she was acting differently towards him, but it never clicked in his mind that it was because she was attracted to her. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. He pulled back his hand from her and slid his hands into his jean pockets. “Look… Jamie… I… I’m flattered. But I never saw you like… that .” He replied. “And, you know this break-up with Jisoo has been tough on me as is. I don’t think I’m ready to date right now.”
“It’s been, what, two months?” Jamie asked, sounding a bit defensive in her tone. “I’m not even asking if we can make it official. I’m just asking if you want to go on a date with me. We can see how we feel when we go from there.”
Hansol felt his ears grow warmer, realizing how truly uncomfortable he was in this situation. He sighed and walked over to the couch to grab his backpack. “Jamie, I’m sorry. I just want some time to myself right now.”
Not even giving her another chance to speak, Hansol walked out through the door and ran down the stairs outside of the building. He grunted and ran his hands over his face in frustration. He should have known that this was somewhat of a set-up that Seungyeon and Nathan were in on as well. They’ve always been joking with him how he would look ‘cute’ as a couple with Jamie or that he’s very compatible with her. Even while he was dating Jisoo, the guys always teased him about it.
Hansol was walking through the brisk winds that were blowing his way. He didn’t have anywhere to be and he didn’t have anywhere to go. He wasn’t sure if it was the wind or the pollen that was making his eyes well up with tears. No, Hansol knew why they were: he missed Jisoo. He felt wrong breaking up with him for a bad reason, he felt betrayed knowing his ‘friends’ were all for it only because they wanted him to date Jamie instead, and he felt unlike himself for even thinking of performing without Jisoo.
—
Jisoo ruffled his hair and sighed in frustration. He leaned back against his couch and put his guitar down on the cushion right beside him. He scared himself when his guitar fell on the ground, making his heart drop as well. Soonyoung ran out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist to the living room. “HYUNG, ARE YOU—”
Gasping at the sight, Jisoo covered his peripheral vision with one hand as the other pulled the guitar to rest on his lap. “I’m fine,” he coughed, slightly embarrassed. “Martin just slipped.”
Looking around confused for another person, Soonyoung was puzzled to see it was only the two of them in the room. “Martin?”
“My guitar,” Jisoo sighed as he uncovered his eyes after realizing Soonyoung had no shame. He inspected his guitar thoroughly and exhaled in relief. “Okay, he’s fine.” Looking up, seeing Soonyoung still standing there dripping on the floor, Jisoo furrowed his eyebrows. “Dude, the floor!”
“Right, right, sorry!” Soonyoung exclaimed, putting his hands up in the air, causing Jisoo to squeal anxiously thinking that his towel would fall off. Luckily, it didn’t. Soonyoung giggled. “Hyung, we did this a lot in college. Didn’t we used to shower together?”
Jisoo groaned. “Please don’t remind me… I don’t even know how we fit in the fucking shower with Jihoon.” They snickered together before Jisoo shooed Soonyoung to go back to the bathroom to get properly dressed. He started tapping a beat on his guitar and sighed before looking down at it. “Martin, what are we going to do?” he asked. “I think I lost my mojo… or maybe I just… can’t play because I keep thinking about Sol.” There was a moment of silence because Martin, of course, could not reply back. Jisoo didn’t mind though, he always talks to Martin about everything. Because Martin was special. Martin was a gift from Hansol.
It was a graduation gift as Jisoo graduated from music education. Hansol saved up enough money from various miscellaneous jobs he picked up part-time. He knew that Jisoo had been looking at that Yamaha FG800 acoustic guitar for almost a year now. Ever since they first passed by it displayed on the local music shop’s window, Jisoo knew it was love at first sight. Hansol knew it too. He constantly nudged Jisoo to bite the bullet and buy it, but Jisoo was pretty frugal with his money, especially when spending it on himself.
Hansol knew it would be a great investment though, especially because of how old Jisoo’s current guitar has been through almost ten years of playing and is on its last years. Secretly, Hansol started saving up for it. It wasn’t the most expensive guitar in the store, so he didn’t mind too much. And, of course, it was for Jisoo. Hansol would go to the ends of the Earth to do something for Jisoo.
When Hansol surprised Jisoo with it at the graduation party they held at his place, Jisoo almost cried. He held them back and kept rubbing his eyes as their mutual friends— Seungcheol and Jeonghan— kept cooing and rubbing his back. Hansol couldn’t hold back his smile from seeing his boyfriend so happy. Their other friends patted Hansol’s back at a job well done as they all watched Jisoo start tuning and admiring his new guitar. He named it Martin. Hansol let out a hardy laugh when Jisoo told everyone of the new name because of the inside joke it entailed. (Jisoo didn’t know Hansol’s name when they first met so he kept calling him Martin, much to Hansol’s amusement.)
Martin has been with Jisoo ever since, and it was difficult to not think of Hansol whenever Jisoo played his guitar. But he had to snap out of it. They weren’t together anymore. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not stop thinking about Hansol. Nevertheless, he needed to persist. He was determined to perform as a soloist at that music festival. Because maybe, just maybe, when Jisoo performs by himself, he can prove to himself that he doesn’t need Hansol anymore.
—
Hansol drooped his head lowly. Lower than usual. He looked down at his feet as he was sitting on the bench in the park. It was a weekday, so there weren’t many people in the area except for a few elderly people taking a walk or a runner passing by. Constantly, he kept lifting his phone up to his eye-level, as if he was expecting a miracle call from his ex-boyfriend. He knew it was unlikely. Sighing to himself, he leaned back against the bench as his body slowly slid down until his head was resting on the top of the backboard as his eyes looked up at the grey sky above him. It was probably going to rain that afternoon, but he wasn’t surprised. Hansol always thought it was peculiar how weather called for a forecast whenever he was feeling down.
Hansol felt the phone vibrate in his pocket and he quickly sat up and looked at his screen. He smiled and answered the call. “Hey, Hyung.”
“You’re lucky,” Wonwoo grunted. “I cut my meeting short just for you. Just got on the subway as it was about to leave too. Where are you again?”
“The park. The one we used to go to a lot?”
“Got it. Don’t do anything stupid.”
Chuckling, a bit humoured but also a bit offended, Hansol agreed before the two of them hung up their phones.
While he was waiting, Hansol opted for taking a walk around the park. He knew it wouldn’t take long for Wonwoo to show up anyway. He walked very slowly and smiled politely at the people that passed by him, hoping they don’t sense how fake his cheerful smile was. His feet stopped as soon as he saw the first drop hit the ground in front of him. He snickered at himself in disbelief. This was all too cliche. “Gosh, I know I’m an idiot. Don’t rub it in,” he shook his head talking to himself. (Or the universe. Probably both, really.)
He decided to stand under one of the big trees that stood in the park as he waited for Wonwoo. Hansol knew he was an idiot. And an asshole. And made a huge mistake. Everything was slowly coming together to nip his ass.
Wonwoo hit the back of Hansol’s head with his umbrella, causing Hansol to scream. He turned around and whined as he started rubbing his head. “Rude,” Hansol pouted.
“Hello to you too,” Wonwoo chuckled. He gave Hansol the spare umbrella he brought before they both started walking back to the subway two blocks away. “Why’d you go to the park if you knew it was going to rain? Idiot.”
“Hey,” Hansol whined. He looked over at Wonwoo who just snickered to himself. “I just… you know I come here to think,” he sighed looking at his feet walk on the sidewalk that was beginning to grow darker from the rain coming down.
Glancing over in his peripheral, Wonwoo knew he could call Hansol out right then and there, but he figured he has gone through enough the past two weeks. He decided not to, which was different (and difficult) for him. Wonwoo saw the look in Hansol’s eyes though. He needed some help and advice rather than some snarky comments. (And the reason he learned this was because of Jisoo.)
“Wow,” Wonwoo sighed from the kitchen as he was pouring the hot water from the kettle into the mugs on the counter. He heard Hansol whine from the living room and he couldn’t help but snicker. Opening the cabinet, he grabbed the tea box that held his apple cinnamon tea and dropped one bag into each mug before putting the box back in its place. He carried both mugs into the living room where he saw Hansol lying down on face flat on the couch. “Okay, don’t get my cushions wet with your saliva,” Wonwoo joked as he placed down both of the mugs on the coffee table. He sat down on the loveseat adjacent to Hansol.
He grabbed his mug and blew on the steam before taking a small sip, sighing at the comfort it brought. Wonwoo believed it to be the perfect addition to any rainy day. Looking over, Hansol still hasn’t pulled himself up from the couch. Leaning back in his own seat, he sighed and shook his head.
“Are you just going to say like that?” Wonwoo asked. Hansol silently nodded his head, causing Wonwoo to chuckle. “Well, alright, but I’m only giving you five minutes to stay like that until you have to talk to me.” Again, Hansol nodded which entertained Wonwoo a bit too much. Then again, that’s the only thing that was humourous in this situation.
It was a silent five minutes that passed by, but Wonwoo didn’t mind. He enjoyed the ambiance omit for the fact that he heard Hansol sniffle every few minutes. He felt bad. Wonwoo honestly did, but he knew he had to let Hansol learn all of this by himself without any of his guidance. Now that he thinks about it, that’s probably why Jisoo let this happen as well. As much as it hurt the both of them, he has mentioned that Hansol has to find out for himself just how bad those friends of his truly are.
Looking at the time, Wonwoo coughed to break the silence. “Are you ready to talk?” he asked. Hansol kicked his feet on the couch but nodded in agreement. Wonwoo smiled. “Good. So your ‘friends’ really ditched you this morning?” Hansol nodded, his head still face down into a couch pillow. Wonwoo sighed. Guess he’s just going to ask yes and no questions. “Do you now realize that they’re bad friends?” Again, Hansol nodded. Wonwoo shook his head. “I don’t want to tell you I told you so, because you know now. But… dude, they were really bad. I can’t believe they’ve ghosted you the past two weeks and faked you out today.” Hansol whined in response, which Wonwoo understood for ‘I know, I know, I’m an idiot.’
Suddenly, Hansol pulled his head up from the pillow. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy and red from what Wonwoo assumed was from tearing up. Wonwoo didn’t comment though and just watched his friend rub his eye with one hand and pick up the now lukewarm mug of tea with his free hand. Hansol took a sip and sighed at the relief and aroma that came from the tea. “Apple tea?” he asked, his voice a bit groggy.
Wonwoo nodded. “Apple cinnamon.”
“Oh, that’s new.”
“It was on sale last Thursday. Thought I’d try it out.”
“Seems like it was worth it,” Hansol hummed, taking another sip of the tea. It was silent, but not awkward. Wonwoo was just waiting for Hansol to speak up.
However, Wonwoo observed his friend in his current state and leaned his chin against his left fist as his elbow leaned on the left armrest. “You really love him?” Hansol looked up and blinked as Wonwoo smiled.
“More than anything,” Hansol confessed. He groaned and chugged the remainder of tea in the mug, much to Wonwoo’s surprise. “I feel like a complete and utter dumbass,” he admitted. “But… but, Hyung, I really tried to call him back. I think he blocked my number. I have no way of talking to him now. I can’t even reach Soonyoung.” Wonwoo blinked, a bit shocked at the fact even Soonyoung wasn’t talking to Hansol. He pitied Hansol, but he also didn’t know what to do.
“Well… how have you been holding up thus far?”
“Just… working on a song for that music festival coming up next week.”
“Oh that one music festival in Hongdae?”
Hansol nodded. “Yeah I was supposed to perform with…” he paused. “With… my ex-friends… but, as you know, they kind of shunned me—”
“Sol,” Wonwoo coughed to interrupted Hansol. When he stopped talking Wonwoo blinked. “The festival is tomorrow…”
“HUH—”
“Don’t you get the updates on your phone since you’re performing? The coordinators changed it to tomorrow because of some other event-venue conflicts. It’s tomorrow,” Wonwoo stated. He watched as Hansol gasped in realization and fell to the floor. Wonwoo blinked at his disheveled friend and slowly took the last sip of his tea.
“I’m not prepared at all!” Hansol exclaimed in dismay.
“Well… you can always drop out, can’t you?”
“It’s tomorrow, Hyung,” Hansol groaned, sitting up on the floor and pulling his legs close to his chest. “That’s so unprofessional. Who knows what that will do to my hopes of being a musician.” He ruffled his hair in distress and shook his head. “No… I gotta perform… even if it’s by myself.”
—
Jisoo gripped the handle of his guitar case tightly as he stood behind the makeshift stage that the event coordination team had set up the night before. He wasn’t expecting so many people to watch at the festival. Surprised, he squealed when he felt Soonyoung’s hands on his shoulders.
“I scoped the scene,” Soonyoung hummed as he massaged Jisoo’s shoulders to calm him down. “They got a good deal on kimchi and seafood pancakes! I asked Junnie to snag us four combos.” Jisoo snickered at his friend’s enthusiasm, but Soonyoung could still hear the hint of hesitation in his voice. He pouted. “Well, I’ll scream the loudest for you when you come out on stage, alright?”
Jisoo looked at Soonyoung and just smiled. “Thanks… but don’t overdo it like you did when we were younger. I don’t think the security guards will ever forget you after that.” They both laughed and Soonyoung wished him good luck before he went back to his boyfriend.
Junhui smiled as he was standing there with two bags worth of food from the food trucks at the festival. Soonyoung cheered and clapped his hands loudly, causing Junhui to laugh. He handed a bag to Soonyoung and hummed. “I saw Sol.”
Soonyoung froze. He looked up at Junhui, hoping he was kidding. “... Like… Hansol Sol?”
“That’s the only Sol we know,” Junhui blinked. He sighed as Soonyoung whined worried. “Well, there’s nothing we can do now. He’s also performing apparently.’
“That’s correct,” Wonwoo added in. The two looked over at Wonwoo who was walking over with his own bag of food and he smiled. “It’s been a while, huh?” They all exchanged handshakes and hugs after not seeing each other after quite some time. “How have you guys been? I guess you guys are here to support Jisoo hyung, huh?”
“Yeah,” Soonyoung nodded. “Are… you here for Sol?”
Wonwoo nodded back. “I told him he didn’t have to. He didn’t seem like he wanted to, but you know how he is with commitment.”
“Jisoo hyung is the same too,” Soonyoung sighed.
“If only they would show the same commitment to each other,” Junhui whispered to himself as he stuff his mouth with a piece of the pancake he ripped off. He nudged Soonyoung and Wonwoo with his elbows. “C’mon,” he hummed with a full mouth. “Let’s find a good seat. We might see a real interesting performance.”
The stage was smaller than Hansol anticipated. Which was good, he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of a huge crowd of people. But he knew that people walking by would also hear him when he performs. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, Hongdae is usually busy during Saturdays. He hopes Nathan, Seungyeon, and Jamie won’t come because he doesn’t think he can do well with them watching.
Hansol was gripping the phone in his pocket tightly, fiddling around with it because he didn’t have anything else to hold. He watched a couple of the performers before him and he thought they were pretty good. Watching them, however, made him reminisce of how he used to perform with Jisoo. It was killing him more than he would like to admit.
The fact that the MC called Jisoo up to the stage next pulled him out from memory lane. He peeked overhead the other performers who were standing off to the side where he was and saw Jisoo with Martin taking the stage. He heard the crowd clapping for him and Hansol gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe it. And it wasn’t the fact that Jisoo was performing, it was the fact that Jisoo was actually so close to him. Yet so far. He couldn’t interrupt Jisoo’s performance. He was already considered an asshole, he didn’t want to be a douche as well.
However, he heard how wavy Jisoo’s voice was when he introduced himself into the microphone. He felt bad, he knows how bad Jisoo’s stage fright can be. Hansol saw how Jisoo was tuning his guitar and just sensed the anxiety from him. It might be a douche move, but he would rather make a fool of himself than see Jisoo feel so tense.
Before Jisoo could even start the song, Hansol ran to the stage. Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and Junhui all gasped. Soonyoung was about to cheer so loudly, but Junhui quickly covered his mouth and Wonwoo pulled Soonyoung back into his seat. Jisoo turned to see Hansol and blinked surprised. He wasn’t expecting Hansol here, especially on the stage at the same moment as him.
Hansol stood there, feeling a bit awkward but he looked over at the crowd and the bypassers and gave a small wave and shy smile. He looked over at Jisoo and raised his eyebrows. “Just play,” he whispered. “I’ll improv.”
Jisoo held his breath before nodding. “I’ll play Rocket ,” he replied. He blushed a bit before looking back down at Martin. “I was planning on playing that…”
Blinking, Hansol smiled. He felt somewhat happy that Jisoo chose to perform their song, with our without him.
They performed, and it drew in more people than the other performances. Wonwoo and Junhui smiled as they watched the two of them. It’s not that they were just a great couple, they were a great duet. Their voices complimented the other so well and Hansol was always so keen on keeping a steady tempo and make any song have a good vibe. Jisoo knew how to do guitar solos and add a few chords here and there when he heard Hansol ever add a little something new into the song. Wonwoo hummed. “I missed this.”
“Me too,” Junhui nodded in agreement.
“I LOVE LOVE!” Soonyoung exclaimed loudly, enough for Jisoo to laugh while playing.
Hansol let out a small chuckle, but he couldn’t let that affect the words to the song. And as much neither of them wanted to admit it, they missed performing with each other. They just missed each other in general.
After the performance, Hansol and Jisoo didn’t realize how many people they attracted to the crowd. They were stunned when they heard the wave of applause from the crowd (including Soonyoung, screaming and cheering at the top of his lungs). They smiled, proud at themselves, before looking at each other. Jisoo’s smile disappeared, making Hansol anxious before Jisoo notioned him to follow him backstage. Hansol assumed Jisoo wanted to talk.
They sat on a bench behind the makeshift stage, far from the festival and the crowd. Surprisingly, they sat pretty close to each other. Closer than Hansol would expect at least. Jisoo was the first to break the silence. “So…”
“I’m sorry,” Hansol admitted. Jisoo looked up at Hansol as he was taken back. “I’m was an idiot,” Hansol sighed. “I just… I don’t know… I’m not sure if I was trying to please my friends… ex-friends… or trying to prove something to myself. I don’t know. I was a dumbass and an asshole.” He looked up at Jisoo, making direct eye contact. “And I’m sorry.”
“Sol—”
Hansol shook his head. “No, no. You don’t need to apologize or anything.” He gripped his jeans on his knees and squeezed his eyes shut. Jisoo assumed he was trying to hold back tears since Hansol barely cried. “I really feel terrible… I don’t even expect you to accept this apology. I’m just… sorry I hurt you so hard.”
Jisoo sighed. He waited for Hansol to calm down a bit as he started sniffling. Scooting closer to him, Jisoo rubbed Hansol’s back to comfort him. They stayed like that quietly for a few minutes until Jisoo spoke up. “You know,” he started, “it did hurt. Especially when you first did it… but it seems like you were hurting just as much.” Jisoo smiled a bit when he saw Hansol look at him like a lost puppy. He was always a sucker when Hansol looked so cute. Jisoo daringly moved his hand from Hansol’s back to Hansol’s cheek. He patted it gently and lovingly, causing Hansol to blush a bit. “Truthfully… I’m… I’m not even sure how I feel right now. With what happened to us… to that amazing performance.”
Hansol’s eyes shifted away from Jisoo’s and turned down to look at the concrete hopelessly. “I understand,” he muttered.
Jisoo pouted before nudging Hansol to look back up at him. He smiled when Hansol did so. “But… I am willing to try again.” Hansol perked up, slowly straightening his back as his eyes widened. Jisoo gave him a soft smile. “I know we can’t exactly start over again… but…”
“We can pick up where we left off,” Hansol suggested. He blinked at how quickly and enthusiastically he said that. Jisoo laughed, realizing that Hansol had been waiting just as long as he has. “I mean…”
Jisoo nodded. “We can,” he snickered. Hansol’s face brightened up, making Jisoo’s snicker turn into laughter. Hansol couldn’t help but join in as well. He pulled Jisoo close to him so their shoulders were against each other. Jisoo felt Hansol’s hand on his sides, but he didn’t mind. He missed it. He missed Hansol. And they were both just glad to be together again.