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Junhui's relationship with Jihoon wasn’t going anywhere. Neither of them were planning to take control of the wheel at this point. No “good morning” or “good night” texts, no sudden back hugs and spinning in his arms. None of that. The two of them couldn’t even hold hands together anymore. As Jihoon asked if he could talk to Junhui after Junhui finished his Monday class, Junhui had an uneasy feeling.
When Jihoon was waiting outside of the lecture hall as the class was dismissed, Junhui wasn’t excited to see his boyfriend leaning against the wall with his earphones in his ear as he was scrolling through his phone. The sight should make his heart skip a beat and make him want to hug Jihoon or surprise him with a kiss on the cheek to get his attention. But neither of those ideas came into fruition as Junhui sluggishly and anxiously walked over. Jihoon looked up from his phone and they gave each other a forced smile as they exited the building together.
The two of them didn’t even walk next to each other. There was a meter barrier between the two of them that a bypasser could easily walk in the middle of them.
They didn’t plan on a destination for their walk, but the two of them ended up at the front of the nearby park entrance. No words were exchanged between the two of them, and it seemed that it would be silent for a little longer as well. They didn’t ask about each other’s days because neither of them paid attention to the day. Junhui didn’t tell him that he aced that calculus test he’s been studying for nor did he mention to Jihoon that he beat Seokmin’s high score on Anipang.
After settling on a bench together, Jihoon looked over at Junhui in his peripheral who was sitting farther away than usual. He sighed and pulled one earphone out before turning face Junhui. Junhui was in denial of the situation as he was looking at his feet on the ground. His body tightened and he brought his legs closer together as a strong winter wind picked up.
“Jun,” Jihoon coughed, breaking the silence. “Can I say something?”
This was a sure sign that something was not good. Jihoon never called Junhui anything but pet names such as ‘love’ or ‘babe.’ This was different, and the monotone voice that Jihoon spoke in was a sound that Junhui wished he would never hear in his lifetime. There was a long pause. An awkward one. The first awkward silence the two experienced ever. Junhui didn’t want to respond and, truthfully, Jihoon didn’t want to ask Junhui again for permission to speak.
Much to his surprise, Junhui stood up as he adjusted his jacket so that the backpack would sit more comfortably on his shoulders. He looked down at Jihoon and moved his head as a signal for Jihoon to stand up. Doing so, Junhui walked and Jihoon followed right after him. Rather than side to side now, Jihoon was walking behind Junhui. He wasn’t exactly sure what Junhui was doing, but the path they both took was familiar enough. They were walking down the sidewalk and across a few blocks towards Junhui’s apartment.
If the awkward silence on the bench wasn’t bad enough, the awkward walk together was even worse. Junhui knew this was probably the stupidest decision ever, but he wanted to be closer to his place when he heard what Jihoon had to say. The lingering silence and tension was like an arrow to both of their hearts as it kept building up until Junhui stopped in front of the entrance to his apartment. Turning around to face Jihoon, he took a deep breath. "Say it," Junhui exhaled.
Jihoon, a bit dumbfounded as he suddenly stopped his his tracks, looked up at Junhui and moved back a bit to give him some space. He cleared his throat and sighed. “I think it’s best if we parted ways.” The words Junhui heard come out of his mouth were what he had hoped wouldn’t be said but he knew was coming anyway. Jihoon’s eyes shifted downward to focus on the sidewalk that they both stood on as Junhui's were focused on Jihoon.
—
“He really broke up with you two weeks ago? How?” Soonyoung asked Junhui on the phone after Junhui called. “That’s such a surprise to me.”
“It just… it just wasn’t working out, y’know?” Junhui scratched his head. He leaned the phone on his left shoulder as he adjusted himself on his mattress to properly put on his socks. Junhui was dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, both gifts from Jihoon, to make himself feel a bit more at ease over this break-up, but the clothes weren’t helping very much. Afterwards, he sighed and fell on the bed after holding his phone once again. “We weren’t really acting like a couple anymore..”
“Oh,” Soonyoung said barely audible. Junhui could tell he was worried not only about Junhui, but also Jihoon. “Well, are you okay? I could stop by after practice to see you. I just have to tell Minghao I have to leave earlier than usual.”
“I’m fine,” Junhui responded. “I told the hyungs what had happened and they’re going to treat me out tonight.”
Soonyoung blinked. “Oh. That’s good! Maybe you need a night out… You can get piss drunk and hook another fish from the sea!”
“Soonyoung!” Junhui exclaimed, a bit flustered at such suggestion. He scrunched his nose as he heard his friend laughing through the call.
“I’m just saying!” Soonyoung chuckled. “But, that made you smile, didn’t it?” Junhui didn’t want to admit it, but that did make him smile a bit. “Well, I hope tonight will be good for you. And take a shot for me too, okay? Chan has really been on my ass for being behind schedule.” Junhui agreed to it and hung up the phone.
He threw the phone onto the pillow at the head of the bed before slowly sitting up. Suddenly he had a pain in his chest. Junhui grasped the front of his hoodie tightly while gasping for air. It was unusual and rare, but he didn’t expect to get a panic this soon or this abrupt. It was a small pulse. A pulse of pain. Junhui tried to shake it off by heading into the kitchen for an aspirin and glass of water. Reaching into the tall cupboards above the counter, Junhui froze as he reached grabbed the glass.
“Do you need help getting that?” he said as he surprised Jihoon by walking up right behind him. Jihoon looked up to see Junhui hum and easily grab the cup from the cupboard and onto the countertop. Puffing his cheeks, Jihoon looked at Junhui who was smiling cheekily at him.
“Babe!” Jihoon whined. “I could have done it myself!”
“A small ‘thank you’ would work too,” he said with a grin. Jihoon grunted but suddenly squealed as Junhui pulled him in for a back hug before squeezing him tightly enough to pull him off the ground and spin him around. Even as Jihoon was whining more for Junhui to put him down, Junhui knew how much Jihoon enjoyed this sort of affection. He knew Jihoon very well.
—
“Oh no,” Junhui muttered to himself as he entered the club with Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and Jisoo. He paused in his tracks as Seungcheol and Jeonghan stopped as well when they noticed what Junhui had seen, which made Jisoo confused.
“Jun, you good?” Jisoo asked, a bit louder than Junhui would have liked even though the music was loud enough for nobody to hear him. Junhui elbowed Jisoo in the arm, causing him to shout a loud ‘ouch.’ “Hey, what gives?” Rolling his eyes, Seungcheol pointed in the direction they were facing and showed him what they all spotted. “Is that… Jihoon?”
“No shit, Captain Obvious,” Jeonghan grunted as he nudged Jisoo as well, causing Jisoo to whine again. Jeonghan patted Junhui's shoulder before reaching down and grabbing his hand to walk him to the bar. “C’mon,” he smiled cheerfully. “It’s just the four of us tonight, right? Let’s just enjoy ourselves and not focus on anything else.”
“Yeah,” Seungcheol hummed in agreement. He put her arm around Junhui's neck. “We’ll even pay for all the drinks you have tonight!”
“I… I haven’t drank in so long..” Junhui confessed. “I’m not sure how I’ll react to a lot of—”
“Relax!” Jeonghan waved his hand. He thanked the bartender who passed him the four shot glasses he had requested and slid it over to the other three before placing down the bowl of limes and the nearby salt shaker. “Drink up! We’ll make sure you have a grand ol’ time tonight!”
“J-Jihoon…” Junhui muttered timidly but loud enough for him to hear. He held the bathroom doorknob tightly as his face peaked out.
Turning around, the sight was a shock. “Love?” Jihoon blinked, a bit surprised. “Are you.. are you okay?” He ran up to Junhui and kneeled down to his level. “What happened?”
Opening the door a bit, Jihoon gasped. “I may have—” Junhui hiccuped, “—had a few too many drinks and— fallen in the bathroom.”
“Your head— it’s bleeding! Oh gosh,” he panicked as he lifted Junhui off of the floor. He quickly pulled toilet paper and held it to Junhui's head. “Hang on,” he kissed Junhui's forehead as he grabbed the first-aid kit in the medicine cabinet.
They were lucky that it had happened in the comfort of Jihoon’s own home rather than the club that they were at a few hours ago. Treating Junhui's wound, and also holding Junhui's hair back when Junhui needed to vomit in the toilet, Jihoon asked if Junhui would promise to never drink too much ever again.
And Junhui promised that he wouldn’t.
“Gosh, how much alcohol can your kidneys handle?” Seungcheol looked at Junhui's dazed face as he slammed it on the bar top asking for another round of vodka shots.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You went from martinis to hard-liquor...” Jeonghan asked as he stacked Junhui's shot glasses on top of another to hand back to the bartender. “Maybe we should stop…”
“What are you talking about? I’m fine!” Junhui giggled. “I’ve never been better! I’m so happy that you guys took me out!! I would have never been able to do this if I was still with that dumbass.”
They knew that Junhui was piss drunk with that kind of attitude. Worried, Jisoo stood up from his seat. “Well, I’m going to grab a waste basket just to be safe.” Seungcheol and Jeonghan agreed at the idea as Jisoo left.
Turning back to Junhui, Seungcheol gasped at how Junhui was trying to order another shot. “Oh no you don’t,” Seungcheol shook his head as he butted into the conversation and told the bartender that Junhui was done drinking for the night.
“Hey, what gives?” Junhui frowned. “Didn’t you say you would let me have the night of my life?”
“Well, preferably one you would remember,” Jeonghan joined in on Junhui’s other side. “You should probably stop drinking now so that you don’t pass out.”
Rolling his eyes, Junhui grunted. “Fine fine,” he complied. “But can I at least go to the bathroom?”
“Do you need us to go with you?” Seungcheol asked, surprised to see Junhui hop off the barstool by himself.
Turning his head, a bit unbalanced on account he was wobbling, Junhui shook his head. “No, I can do it by myself. See? I’m sober enough,” he tried to reassure his friends.
Seungcheol tried to follow him, but Junhui kept waving him away until Jeonghan tugged at Seungcheol’s shirt and shook his head. They both sighed and watched Junhui stumble to the back hallway towards the bathroom. “Jeonghan, we should follow him.”
“You know we would just be arguing rather than him going to the bathroom,” Jeonghan replied. He shook his head. “We can give him some space this one time tonight.”
—
Suddenly Junhui woke up and found himself on his bed. He tried to sit up but grunted as he felt a pulsating headache. He doesn’t have any recollection of what had happened last night after leaving the bathroom last night at the club, but to his surprise he heard a familiar tune and a humming voice come from his kitchen. Carefully and slowly, he adjusted himself on his bed enough to lean back on a higher stack of pillows and sit up. The last thing he remembered was Jisoo handing him a waste basket that Junhui promptly vomited in when placed under his mouth.
He heard footsteps coming towards his bedroom and expected Seungcheol or Jeonghan to appear at the doorway. However, he didn’t anticipate to see Jihoon with a tray of soup and tea. Junhui felt his body tighten once again and he tried to move quickly, but winced at the headache pounding him.
“Don’t move so suddenly,” Jihoon spoke softly as he slowly approached Junhui and placed the tray on Junhui’s left side as Jihoon sat on the bed as well. Confused, Junhui was about to open his mouth but Jihoon shook his head and held the spoon in front of Junhui’s lips. “Tofu stew. Your favourite.” He saw the confused look in Junhui’s eyes and shook his head. “C’mon, you have a hangover.”
Reluctantly, Junhui blew the steam from the spoon away from him before opening his mouth as Jihoon fed him. Junhui chewed slowly but the tension in him was released as the warmth from the soup spread throughout his body.
This continued. The two of them hadn’t exchanged any other words except for the occasional times that Junhui asked for more tofu on the spoon or that Junhui wanted tea. Junhui felt like should say something since there were so many questions in his head. What happened last night? Where did his hyungs go? Why did they trust Jihoon to take care of him? Why was Jihoon even taking care of him?;Just like the last time though, Junhui couldn’t speak. Junhui opted to just eat the stew and enjoy this moment with Jihoon. Because as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he missed him.
After Junhui finished his stew and his tea, Jihoon cleaned up and brought the tray and dishes back into the kitchen to place into the dishwasher. He let the dishwasher run as he came back to the bedroom. Jihoon saw Junhui checking his phone and looking a bit better, hoping that the hangover diminished. Slowly, he walked to the bed and sat down on it. The silence between them wasn’t like the awkward one they had previously experienced. This silence was rather comforting. Junhui looked up and made direct eye contact with Jihoon, something they hadn’t done in a while.
Jihoon decided to break the silence. “Listen—”
“No,” Junhui interrupted, much to Jihoon’s astonishment, “you listen.” Junhui was about to raise his voice at Jihoon, but with the look of worry that Jihoon showed on his face, Junhui could barely speak another work. Instead, he broke out into tears. Jihoon gasped and scooted closer as he turned Junhui's head to look up at him. Their eyes met. Junhui was trying to hold back his crying, but he couldn’t stop as the tears began soaking up into the blankets that engulfed him. “I— I—” Junhui couldn’t say anything. His mouth started to let out soft whimpers as his eyes looked away from Jihoon.
Swiftly, Jihoon changed his position to sit next to Junhui and hold him in a warm embrace, clinging onto him tighter when Junhui attempted to push him away. This only made Junhui cry even more. Jihoon swatted away Junhui's arm as he pulled Junhui even closer.
He was trying to get out of Jihoon’s grasp but the way Junhui’s head fit comfortably into the crook of Jihoon’s neck like a puzzle was something he had wanted for so long. He nuzzled into Jihoon as he kept crying softly. “L-let me go—” Junhui croaked.
Jihoon started stroking Junhui’s hair to calm him down, which seemed to be working as Junhui started to take deep breaths. He sighed. “I’m never letting go of you ever again,” Jihoon whispered into his ear. At the sound of those words, Junhui sobbed loudly into Jihoon. He wasn’t entirely sure what was happening or what this would be of him and Jihoon in their broken relationship at this point, but Junhui just moved closer to Jihoon as Jihoon held him. As he kept sobbing in Jihoon’s arms, Jihoon started humming a soft lullaby—one of Junhui’s favourites—in an attempt to calm down Junhui more.
As Junhui's sobbing reduced down to whimpering, Jihoon pulled back and faced Junhui, cupping Junhui's cheeks. Looking at how red and puffy Junhui’s eyes were, Jihoon sighed in guilt. He pulled Junhui slowly and tilted his head down so he could plant a gentle kiss on Junhui's forehead. Leaning his forehead against Junhui's, their eyes met once again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for ignoring you. I’m sorry for not replying to your messages. I’m sorry for not answering your calls. I’m sorry from trying to take you out of my life because that was probably the dumbest decision I’ve ever made in my life.”
Junhui blinked, shocked to hear Jihoon apologize for his actions. Jihoon was always a man of his word and Junhui knew that. But it was so rare for Jihoon to apologize, even when he was at fault. So the fact that Jihoon was doing this now left Junhui dumbfoundedly gazing at his ex in awe. making him smile a bit.
“Even if it was only for a short amount of time.. I couldn’t help but think of you,” Jihoon confessed. “I was just living in memories we had together… And I was wondering if you were too... I was wondering if you were okay after drinking so much at the club with your friends.” Junhui's eyes looked down, feeling quite ashamed, but he tilted Junhui's chin right back. “But you seemed so happy and enjoying yourself. You were smiling,” Jihoon coughed before turning his eyes away from Junhui as his cheeks began to show a pink pigment. “I was hoping I could smile like that too, but how could I smile when I don’t have you?” Junhui could feel his heart beat faster inside his chest. In a positive way. A way that he had not felt in quite a while. “And I really hope you’re able to forgive me and let me wipe the tears you shed because of me. I want to make this up to you.”
Junhui looked at him and smiled, still unable to say anything. But at that moment, he understood. And the two of them enjoyed their first silent moment of solace together.