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“Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone,” he says. But they both already know it’s too late. Steve nods at Sam and Bruce, and picks up the silver case. He feels Bucky’s eyes on him as he steps into the rebuilt version of Tony’s time travel machine. In a blink, he’s gone.
Bucky wants to fall to his knees. He hadn’t uttered a word about it, but Bucky knew. He wasn’t coming back. Steve chose someone else. When Steve doesn’t reappear, he hears Bruce frantically messing with the machine, and Sam yelling at him to fix it.
But there is nothing to fix.
He slides to the ground slowly, his head in his hands. “The machine’s not broken,” he says. “He made his choice and… it wasn’t us. It wasn’t me.”
Sam and Bruce fall silent. After a few moments Bucky hears Sam’s footprints approach. He knows the sound of his near-silent feet, learned from years of service. Sam’s hand grasps his shoulder.
“It was stupid, I was stupid,” Bucky mutters lowly. He doesn’t know Bruce all that well yet. The green man turns away respectfully. “I’ve been holding out for a hundred years… why would I be his choice now?”
But that’s just the thing.
Steve doesn’t know what to choose. After the stones are safely deposited in their places in time, Steve lingers. Maybe he can finally find a place he belongs. He’s been a man out of time for so long, has been on edge, and sometimes unhappy, for years.
His small, minuscule chance with Bucky was long gone, hell, he never really had one. They would never have been able to be together in the forties, and Bucky won’t even look at him these days. It broke his heart. Maybe there wasn’t anything left for him here any more.
Steve decides to let time take him where it will.
2016
Steve takes a deep breath as he takes in his surroundings. He’s in an apartment, high rise. It’s overlooking New York, the city he once loved more than anywhere in the world.
“Steve? Are you almost ready?”
He spun around, and found Sharon Carter looking up at him. She was dressed impeccably, signifying to Steve that they were heading somewhere special.
“I am,” he replies simply. They walk out arm and arm, and he soon learns that they are heading to a charity gala at the Avengers compound, exclusively friends and family.
“I’m glad you and Stark are on good terms again,” Sharon says, before Steve can ask. His smile falters. Tony is still alive in 2016.
They go to the party and dance the night away. Steve enjoys his time with his friends, his family, before the big fight that began to sever their relationships, before Thanos. Maybe he could make this work? Keep the fight from ever happening, so they can focus on fighting Thanos from the get-go. They could be prepared, could figure out a way to get the soul stone that didn’t end in Nat’s death, they could find another way to harness the gauntlet. Anything was possible.
But something was missing. Bucky. He’d have to go find Bucky somehow, and when he did, the wounds that severed his relationship with Tony would still be opened. It might not be the same story, but there would still be a war.
He looked at Sharon. She was pretty, smart and nice to be around. But there wasn’t a spark. She was a friend, she’s like family. He has to try something different.
Before he goes, Tony strolls up to him. He looks ready to shit talk, to exchange insults in the way they used to, before their words began to hurt. Steve knows he shouldn’t affect this timeline, but he can’t leave without letting Tony know that he cared for him.
He pulls Tony into a hug without thinking, and he can sense Tony’s surprise.
“Thank you for setting this whole thing up,” he says as a save. “You are a good man, Tony.”
Tony pulls away, shrugging Steve’s compliment off. “It’s nothing. The least I can do.”
“Seriously. You do so much for the people that need you. I’m lucky to call you my friend,” Steve says. He wants to say more, but he feels himself getting a little choked up. Tony pats him on the back, and smiles.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, man. But I like it,” Tony says as he walks off.
Steve kisses the top of Sharon’s head, and excuses himself to the restroom. It’s time to try something different.
1955
Time takes him further back in history.
He’s in a kitchen, brightly decorated, but clean and nice. He doesn’t have to look at the wall calendar to know it’s the fifties, but he checks anyway. June, 1955. He’s alone in the kitchen, and takes the opportunity to look around.
There’s a flowery apron hanging off the wall, and grill tools on the counter, waiting to be used. There are cacti in the window, and a big green plant on the table. But the fridge is most revealing. Between grocery lists, sticky notes, and colorful magnets, is a family photo. Him, Peggy Carter, a young girl, and a tiny baby. He grins like a mad man before he can stop himself. This is his family.
Arms wrap around his body, and it takes everything in him not to jump. But Peggy’s voice washes over him, asking him what he’s up to. He hasn’t heard her voice in so many years, and he feels at peace.
“Nothing,” he replies, when he gets his voice back. “Just admiring our family.”
Peggy spins him around, and he can finally look into her eyes. “Lucky for you, Sarah’s been asking for you.”
Of course. Sarah, like his mom. He doesn’t think of her as often as he should. But when he scoops up the little girl — his daughter — he’s looking at what he always imagined his ma’ looked like as a girl.
Sarah laughs as he spins her around the room, Peggy watching them with a smile. Steve tugs at Sarah’s blonde braid before putting her down.
“Look at you,” he says. “You’ve gotten so big.”
Peggy rests her hand on his shoulder. “Almost as big as James,” she comments.
Steve looks up in alarm. “James?” Before he can say another word, Peggy passes a bundle to him. A baby, no more than a couple months old. His son, named for his best friend.
“Hey James,” he says quietly. “How are you?”
James opens his eyes. They’re blue, not unlike Bucky’s. Steve wants to cry. He’s happy, so happy. But something in his stomach starts to drop. If this baby is named for Bucky… then this Steve and Peggy must have no idea that he is alive.
Steve kisses his son, laughs with joy at the little sleepy smile on the boys’ face. Sarah begs to hold her, she’s got her grandma’s caring spirit, Steve comments to Peggy.
With the children occupied, he and Peggy head to the kitchen to prep a snack. Steve’s mind is already spinning, he has to know. He wants to stay here, he wants, he wants , but he can’t. Not if it means that Bucky stays in HYDRA’s hold. Not if it means Bucky endures 70 years of torture, only to be brought down by the Avengers.
He can’t. But he has to know.
They slice apples and celery to familiar songs on the radio. Peggy is so beautiful in the afternoon light, the sun glitters over her face. Steve doesn’t want the moment to end.
“So what’s been going on at S.H.I.E.L.D. lately?” he asks casually.
To his surprise, Peggy chuckles. “I wouldn’t know. It’s been… almost a year since I was there, silly,” she says. “Baby James wasn’t easy on me. But it’s good to be home with them, at least for now.”
That was different. He never imagined Peggy leaving S.H.I.E.L.D., even for their family. “Any word on our other James?”
Peggy looks at him. “Word on Bucky? Steve… he’s been gone since the war. Are you alright?” She rests a hand on his forehead, and he leans into it, eyes closed, because he knows now that he cannot stay.
Steve opens his eyes. “No. No, I have to tell you something, I’m not your Steve. I’m Steve from the future.”
She steps back in surprise, but just like his Peggy, she takes it in stride. “Okay. How future are we talking?”
“Seventy years or so? In another universe, I sacrificed myself to win the war,” he says quietly. “Everyone thought I’d died. But the serum preserved my body. I woke up in the 21rst century, and everyone I knew was gone. Even you.”
Peggy leads him to the kitchen table. They look at one another, and she gestures for him to continue.
“It turns out, the war never really ended. It came about in starts and stops, and I was needed. I didn’t belong in the future, hell, sometimes I still don’t. Everything was gray, until one battle in particular. I found Bucky,” Steve says.
She gasps in surprise, and Steve tells her everything, that the train wasn’t the end for Bucky.
“I spent the last couple years in my time searching for him. A whole lot of other stuff happened, but I found him. I found him, and everything changed,” Steve says.
“You’ve got him now… so why are you here?”
“I…we have the ability to time travel. We can’t over use it, but I had to return a few things to their places. I wanted to take some time for myself, see if I could find a place I belonged. A place that made me happy,” he says.
Peggy laughs, to his surprise. “So you’re telling me there are a million universes, and one where you can be with Bucky, and you aren’t choosing it? Steve, you have to go back.”
“But I love you,” he says simply, truthfully.
“I know. But it’s always been Bucky. You cry out for him in your sleep, sometimes,” Peggy says. “You love him. What would you do if you stayed?”
He pauses. “I’d be with you, I’d be a father, I’d... “
“You would still love him,” Peggy says. “You’ll go on a goose chase around the world to find him, and what happens when you come back? You can’t be with him here. Everything would change.”
“I could commit,” Steve says. “I can love two people.” He feels like he’s begging. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I know you can. But I’d lose you regardless. You couldn’t leave him in HYDRA’s grasp,” Peggy points out.
Steve takes her hand. “You are always right. Always. I missed this. I missed you.”
“I know, Stevie,” Peggy sighs. “I’m sorry so much has happened to you. To you and Bucky. I wish you both peace and happiness.”
“Peg, sometimes I wish I’d died in that crash. Especially after I first woke up. But I suppose I had a purpose. I helped the good guys win some big battles,” Steve says.
“It sounds like you saved Bucky from a fate worse than death,” Peggy says,
Steve nods.
After a few moments, Peggy stands up, with Steve following close behind. “I think it’s time for you to go home.”
“I think you’re right.” A familiar song comes on the radio, and Steve can’t help but turn up the dial. “You think we could have that dance now?”
Peggy’s eyes glisten with remembrance, and soon they are spinning around in one another's arms.
2023
Steve gasps, and he’s back where he belongs.
Bruce and Sam are staring at him with concern in their eyes, but all he can see is Bucky. Bucky, who’s sitting quietly against a tree.
“Buck? Are you okay?” He walks in Bucky’s direction.
Bucky lifts his head. “I didn’t think you were coming back.”
“Honestly, I didn’t think so either. But I was being stupid.” Bucky finally meets his eyes. “I was searching for the perfect place, somewhere I could be happy. But perfection doesn’t exist. And I’m happy with you.”
“With me?” Bucky asks, like he doesn’t believe it.
“With you. I went to visit someone and they reminded me that it’s always been you. Whether it was you saving my ass from a couple of bullies at school, or watching you fight me on opposite sides of a battlefield. I’ve been chasing after you my whole life, Buck, and I’ve loved you almost as long,” Steve says, putting a hand out for Bucky to stand. “I believe now, that you feel the same.”
He hesitates, but only for a second. Bucky takes his hand. Steve hauls him up, and into his arms. Bucky looks into his eyes, and he knows he made the right decision.
Steve’s hand slips into Bucky’s hair before he can stop it. But Bucky presses his mouth against his, kissing for all the world to see. Suddenly, the stars align. This is what he’d been missing.
“I’ve dreamed of this my whole life,” Bucky says when they come up for air. I love you, and I can’t believe I get to say that.”
Steve pulls away, and squeezes Bucky’s left hand. “We wouldn’t have been able to when were coming up.”
“It’s been hell getting here, but I’m glad I got a chance with you, Stevie,” Bucky says. A slow smile spreads across his face, and Steve can do nothing but copy him.