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Compared to where he is now, Steve would say that he liked where he was. Following the directions he had been given, he has been putting all the Infinity Stones back where they belonged. He wasn’t sure exactly how to put the Stones back in the forms that they might have been in. The Space Stone was supposed to be in a cube, the Tesseract. The Reality Stone was supposed to be a liquid. The Power Stone was supposed to be in an orb. The briefcase Bruce gave him only had the stones.
He wanted to get it all done as quickly as possible. Thankfully, when he went back to 2012 New York for the second time, he was able to avoid getting into another fight with himself. America’s ass or not, he sure is a hell of a fighter and that was before he joined S.H.I.E.L.D.
However, he wasn’t quite ready to give up the Time Stone just yet. When he met the Ancient One, she granted him a favor for returning the stone to where it belonged. She gave him a chance to do something that he had longed to do for nearly eighty years.
He ended up in 1946 New York. A part of him felt at home. It was an environment he grew up with. Still, 1946 New York wasn’t as clean as the New York he had grown accustomed to over the last five years. It was so beautiful seeing the dolphins in the Hudson. He even mentioned how much his son might have enjoyed seeing it.
His son. The Snap is a day that resonates through everyone who is old enough to remember it. Steve watched his friends turn into dust. He didn’t see his son turn into dust. He just called Clint and he remembers his friend’s words, that there was just a pile of dust in the middle of his booster seat on the picnic table.
Clint disappeared before they could all comfort each other over their losses. He dropped his Hawkeye persona and began leaving a trail of carnage to the criminal underworld that would have made Frank Castle proud.
He couldn’t stay in 1946 for very long. Not wanting to draw attention to himself, he managed to blend in. He didn’t think to bring his wallet, so he ended up stealing a few clothes off some guy he saw bullying someone in an alleyway. He doesn’t like being a thief, but he dislikes bullies even worse.
New York is a huge city, but somehow he managed to find Peggy. It was hard not spot her among the well-dressed men in her blue suit and red hat. He followed her. He saw how she was treated at the S.S.R. That seriously annoyed him. Spending over a decade in the twenty-first century, he had forgotten all about how women were treated as lesser citizens in the forties.
He even caught that God-awful radio program that painted “Betty Carter” as some damsel in distress. Peggy Carter is far from a damsel in distress and she deserved more than “covering the phones.” There was a silver lining though.
He saw that man with the crutch. He saw how he interacted with Peggy. It should have made him jealous, but it made him happy seeing how that man looked at Peggy. Peggy is a special woman and it seemed that man saw that.
Eventually, he managed to follow Peggy back to where she lived. He was careful to keep his distance, in case she suspected that she was being followed. As far as she is concerned, he is dead. He crashed in the ice to save millions.
He never did get that Medal of Honor he was posthumously awarded for his sacrifice. He’s okay with that.
Once he knew which apartment Peggy would be in, he made his way up there. He was so nervous about seeing her. What would he say? What would he do? He didn’t even have a bouquet to offer. Once he arrived outside her door, he hesitated as he reached out to knock.
Still, he did.
A minute or two later, the door swung open. He came face to face with Peggy herself. He smiled awkwardly. Her eyes widened and she slammed the door in his face. That went about as expected, now that Steve thinks about it. She opened the door again and stepped forward. She reached out to touch him, probably to find out if he was just a figment of her imagination. He was solid.
She could tell that he was older, maybe even a little worse for wear. She invited him into her small studio. It was nice. He kept it to himself how it seemed too bad that she and her roommate (who was out at the moment) shared a bed instead of having their own beds.
She exploded with more questions than he could answer. Many of the questions he couldn’t answer, either because he didn’t know or it was unsafe to answer. Some of the questions she answered on her own. She figured that somehow, someway someone found him in the ice. It must have been some time ago because he looks too old, too weary for just a year to have passed. She says that it’s probably a bad idea for him tell her when he came out of the ice.
He let her tirade go on for about ten minutes before he held a hand up, telling her to stop before she hurts herself. Finally, she asked him what he was doing there as she offered him tea.
He answered immediately. He was there for their dance.
She got up and began pacing. The gears were working in her head and he began to worry what she might say.
When she finally stopped pacing, she gave him a considerate look. “You’re not staying, are you?” she asked gently.
Steve sighed heavily. Of course he couldn’t stay. Having a family aside, he doesn’t know what could happen if he stayed. Plus, who would he be to stay? Would he really be so selfish as to ruin the existence of the family she had? He would never do that to her.
Peggy could tell that there was someone else special in his life. Steve didn’t really notice, but Peggy told him that he didn’t even look at her with the same ardor he once did. That she used to enjoy.
“I have a family where I come from, Peg,” Steve confessed. “A wife and a son.” He didn’t mention the fact that his wife was dead. The fact that he is a widower was still sinking in.
Peggy asked about his wife.
Steve was truthful. He told her that she was a lot like her—strong, independent, a pain in his ass, beautiful, and brave.
If anything, he just wanted the closure of sharing a dance with her. And so they did. It felt good to hold Peggy close as they slowly spun and swayed to the music. He couldn’t help thinking of all the things that could have been. He could have been one of the hundreds of thousands of men returning home from the war and starting a life.
In retrospect, he does wonder if he ever could have had a normal life. Being who he is, he would always have been pressured to serve. Knowing what he knows, he’s not sure he would have been able to stand by as things like S.H.I.E.L.D. being infiltrated by HYDRA and Operation Paperclip just happen. He would have had to explain why he knew so much about seventy years’ worth of events yet to come.
He would be used as a weapon for a whole different reason.
And he sure as hell wasn’t going to leave Bucky after just getting him back for the third time. And how can he leave his little boy? After he only just got him back?
When the song ended, so did his dance with Peggy. They broke apart and Steve gazed deeply into her eyes. He told her he had to go. Before he stepped out the door, however, Peggy stopped him.
Eyes glistening, she asked him if she would ever see him again.
Steve gave her his most profound smile. “I guarantee it,” he swore. “And Peggy, that man you work with, the man with the crutch? You should go out with him. Before you say anything, let me just tell you that he looks at you the way I used to. He seems like a good man. As the world’s leading authority of waiting too long, don’t waste your chance. Goodbye, Peggy Carter.”
He thought it would be harder to walk away, but it wasn’t. Even as his eyes glistened with tears, all he could think was that he had finally done right by Peggy. He danced with her and hopefully steered her towards a man who would love her the way he would have. Perhaps he would even love her better.
Steve now has one final stone to deliver—the Soul Stone. He clutches the orange, glowing gem in his hand. His wife died for them to have access to this Stone. Clint felt so awful, he probably still feels awful. Steve was so overcome with his own grief, admiring Natasha for her bravery, that he never even offered much in terms of comfort towards his colleague.
Then there was the final battle with Thanos. The battle destroyed half of Steve’s shield and ultimately claimed the life of Tony. Now in addition to Steve being a widower, little Morgan Stark has to grow up without her father. James has to grow up without his mother.
Steve stares up at the looming mountain in front of him. At its peak are two pedestal-like towers. That’s probably where he needs to go. So he begins his trek up the mountain.
Eventually he finds a set of stairs that seem to wind all the way up the mountain. Twisted, jagged steps that slowly start to fill with ice and snow the higher Steve ascends. The wind picks up and sprinkles of snow start whipping at his face. Once or twice, he finds himself clutching the Stone painfully tight.
Memories fill the void as Steve ascends the mountain. Over the last five years, Steve and Natasha have stayed together. In the aftermath of the Snap, they both channeled their grief differently. Natasha must have gone through every magazine in the armory obliterating every target she put in front of her. More than once, Steve caught himself singing lullabies to an empty crib, or to an empty blanket.
He doesn’t think that they ever really went through all the stages of grief. They soon grew tired of blaming Thor for ending Thanos’ life too soon. And how could they blame themselves when, eventually, they began to accept that there wasn’t much that they could have done differently?
They still lost their pride and joy. Their son still vanished.
Several times, they made love. Either out of passion or of sorrow, they didn’t deny each other. Perhaps they were hoping they could fill the void by having another child. Alas, they never did get pregnant. Maybe that was why they just stopped making love after a year had passed. Or maybe they were both just too miserable. With Natasha’s enhanced immunity to combat his own enhancements, when and if they have another child is quite uncertain.
Eventually, they just swore to themselves that if they have another child, they would love him or her. They would raise that child in peace, away from their lives as superheroes.
Then Scott Lang showed up at the front gate and told them about quantum physics. He talked about using time travel to reverse what Thanos did. Steve couldn’t ignore that opportunity. He even told Tony that Morgan might gain a playmate.
Steve is nearing the top of the mountain now. What looks like the top of the stairs is in sight.
“Steven, son of Sarah,” says an echoing voice. A very familiar voice, Steve might add.
“Who’s there?” he demands.
Instead of a response, a shadowy figure, something that reminds Steve of a dementor floats towards him.
“It’s been a very long time, Captain Rogers,” says the voice, and his face is revealed. Really, it’s not much of a face. Also, Steve would say that that red face without a nose hasn’t changed much over the years. The Red Skull has kept his looks.
“Johann Schmidt,” Steve addresses in disbelief. “What are you doing here? Where is my wife?” His voice is breaking, but he doesn’t care all that much.
“It is my curse to guide those who seek the Soul Stone and all who journey here,” explains Red Skull, his voice maintaining that echoing quality.
“I’m not here to seek the stone; I’m here to return it!” Steve corrects him through gritted teeth. He holds his hand up, revealing the glimmering stone.
The Red Skull’s face is unreadable, which isn’t all that hard. “Follow me then.” He glides around and Steve follows him to the top of the mountain. The wind up here is brutal against his skin. It does little to put his turmoil into perspective.
They reach the top and Steve sees the ledge. His throat tightens.
“She’s not there,” says Red Skull. “Once a soul is exchanged for the stone, it cannot be undone. Her body is gone.”
Tears sting Steve’s eyes. He’s too emotional to say anything else. He walks towards the ledge. When he reaches it, he looks down. He sees a deep basin far below, but indeed no body. As he stares out into the expanse, he recalls that day on Sokovia.
“Where else am I going to get a view like this?” she had asked. That was the same day she told him that she was pregnant with their son.
Steve sighs heavily. He looks from the Stone to the basin far below. “Do svidaniya, my love,” he bids. Then he drops the stone.
Then something strange happens.
He opens his eyes and finds himself lying in a pool of water. He looks around. The stone is gone; the mountain that he spent so long ascending is far off in the distance.
It was done.
Fresh tears well up in Steve’s eyes as he rises to a sitting position. He buries his face in his arms, bringing his knees in close and just falls apart. He cries for his love, for his son, for Tony, for Morgan and Pepper. He even cries for Thor’s obesity, even if that just brings out a small hiccup of a laugh out of him. If Thor keeps that weight, he should start dressing up as Santa Claus every year.
Steve just cries, releasing all the hurt that he hasn’t had a moment to truly let himself feel. He can’t even help thinking that he did Peggy a disservice, watching him literally walk back into her life only to walk out again an hour later.
In the back of his mind, he hears soft movement behind him, but dismisses it as his imagination playing tricks on him. But then he feels something press against his shoulder, a hand. That cannot be a figment of his imagination, especially as the thumb of that hand rubs him affectionately.
He lifts his face from his hands and cranes his neck to see the hand. Black fingerless gloves, manicured fingers that are as deadly as they are gentle, a stinger gauntlet attached to the wrist…
“Natasha, if you are here to haunt me please don’t,” he begs, choosing denial.
The hand leaves his shoulder and he hears movement. That hand finds its way under his chin and he feels his face being tilted up. In the gloom, his eyes meet green orbs set in an oval face with full lips, a pert nose and red and blonde hair tied in a braid.
“Natasha?” he whispers, rising to his feet.
She smiles up at him, tears of her own welling up in her eyes.
Steve is still a little apprehensive, hesitating as he reaches out with one hand and presses it against her chest. Natasha closes her eyes, seemingly enjoying the sensation of his hand against her partially exposed bosom. She reaches up with both of her hands and holds his hand against her. She opens her eyes again as he feels the pounding of her heart.
“You’re real?” Steve asks raggedly.
Natasha nods, on the verge of bawling. “I’m real, Steve. Damn it, I’m real.”
Steve shakes his head and yanks her into his arms, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “I thought I lost you,” he sobs. “You told me you’d see me in a minute. Then Clint came back alone and told us that you jumped off that cliff. You sacrificed yourself for that stupid stone and I was left all alone to raise our son and then…”
Natasha shushes him. Pulling away just a bit to make his lips meet hers. He returns the kiss with fervor. When they break apart, she smiles up at him. “You and I both know it had to be me, baby.”
Steve scowls through his tears. “If this is about you and the red in your ledger, you wiped that out a long time ago!” he snaps. “You had as much to lose as Clint. And I’ve had to spend the last several days thinking that I was going to have to raise our son without you!”
Natasha’s eyes widen. “What did you say?” she whispers hoarsely.
Steve realizes what he said. “Oh, yeah, Banner put on the gauntlet and he reversed the snap. Everyone we lost is back. We’ve won.”
Natasha is crying all over again as she launches herself onto him, wrapping her arms and legs around him and showering his face with kisses. He hasn’t even told her about Tony’s death yet, but right now he’s too busy knowing he has all of his family back. There will be a moment to grieve for their fallen friend.
Eventually, Natasha calms down and climbs off of him. “Now, soldier, let’s go home and give our James five years’ worth of long overdue love.”
“Yes ma’am,” agrees Steve. “I’ll even make you lots of peanut butter sandwiches.”
Natasha pouts. “I thought you were my peanut butter sandwich.” She licks her lips suggestively.
Steve groans. “You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”
"Pain in America's ass, mind you," Natasha corrects with a laugh.
Steve just rolls his eyes as they activate their quantum suits on a count of three.