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“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Bucky shook his head at the old line. He’d gotten almost everything back while he was in Wakanda, before, well, before , and popping back into existence to find out he’d lost five more years had shaken the rest of the dust out of the cobwebs.
“I can’t. You’re taking all the stupid with you.” He wondered if this was what Steve had felt like when he’d disappeared. Like if he looked away for a second it would be like Steve had never existed. And a world without Steve Rogers in it… Bucky’s poor broken brain refused to imagine that. Sam’s hand on his shoulder helped keep him grounded, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to tackle Steve to the ground to stop him from stepping up onto the platform.
It didn’t always have to be him .
Five seconds . It would only take five seconds . Bruce had promised. And he seemed to know what he was doing. More importantly, Steve trusted him.
“Three, two, one.”
Steve was gone.
He was gone, and Bucky felt his knees start to buckle, Bruce’s voice sounding far away as he counted back up. Sam grabbed his elbow to keep him from collapsing and he couldn’t breathe. His lungs locked up and there was no air because he was gone .
There was a pop and Steve was back . He was back and right there and Bucky moved before thinking, up the few steps and barreling into Steve to wrap him in his arms, almost knocking both of them to the ground.
Steve grunted at the impact but hugged him back just as tightly. “Whoa, Buck. You okay?”
This guy. “Am I okay? You just did...whatever the hell you just did. Christ. Are you okay?” Something crossed Steve’s face that Bucky couldn’t quite put his finger on but it was there and gone again in a flash. Something painful. He’d have to find out later. They had five years to catch up on already, what was one more thing?
There was something at Steve’s feet that Bucky hadn’t noticed in his rush to make sure that Steve was actually back and whole and there and it fell over with a solid thunk. It was a round case that looked like it could hold… He caught Steve’s eye and all he saw was resolve. “Are you sure?”
“About that?” Steve nodded toward the case. “No doubt in my mind.” He looked down and Bucky could see that look again. “What about you?”
Bucky shrugged. With Tony gone, he had no idea what was going to happen. And with Steve- He glanced down at the case. “I don’t know.”
It obviously wasn’t the right answer because Steve’s face fell. He stepped away and picked up the case. “I’ve got to talk to Sam.” Bucky let him go.
It was their way, wasn’t it? Letting each other go? Time and time again and who knew how many times as Steve returned the stones while Bucky stood there like an idiot. An idiot who was too scared to take a chance. He needed to get away. Ignoring the murmurs of Steve and Sam’s conversation, he headed back toward the house, not sure where he was going.
It should have been peaceful there. It was easy to see why Tony, and more likely Pepper, had chosen this place to raise a family. Steve deserved a family. Not a broken old soldier. A rush of shame at the fact that Steve hadn’t gone back to Peggy ran through him, but he was so glad to have Steve back in any way that he could have him that he pushed it down.
“Buck?” Footsteps behind him, crunching through the leaves. Bucky kept his silence, using the last few seconds it took for Steve to catch up to bring himself back under control. Playing a part, the part that hadn’t had to be burned into him by Hydra. He’d been hiding his feelings from Steve since he was sixteen years old. It was like putting on an old coat, one that was a little tight in the shoulders, just enough to be uncomfortable.
A hand on his shoulder turned him around and he pasted on a smile for Steve, standing there in all his Cap glory. “That suit is definitely better than the other one. I saw pictures.”
Steve snorted and looked down at himself. “Yeah. It’s not bad. The other one had some good parts though.” Bucky rolled his eyes. He’d heard all about “America’s ass.” They stood facing each other in silence. What else was there to say? Steve broke the quiet standoff, shifting on his feet, hand on the back of his neck, looking like a sheepish golden retriever. A nervous tell. “Sam’s going to take the shield.”
“He’d be an idiot not to.” Bucky kicked at a few leaves, needing to move, not sure where this was going. “It was a good choice.”
“I think so.” Steve was still fidgeting and Bucky just wanted him to spit out whatever else he was going to say. So he said something stupid himself instead.
“Since Pym’s here, you could always go back.” Steve looked at him like he didn’t know what he was talking about and Bucky couldn’t make the words stop. “Go be with her.” His breath hitched on the last word and he needed to get away, run away from his stupid feelings and stupid Steve . His feet were moving, taking him further into the trees and away from the house and everyone else. Steve’s boots didn’t crunch in the leaves, letting him walk away.
“When I said ‘end of the line’, I meant it.”
What?
Bucky stopped but couldn’t make himself turn around and face whatever was happening. It was too terrifying.
Footsteps, hesitant at first, sounded behind him, bringing Steve closer. “Pegs lived her life. She moved on and made history all on her own.” Silence again. “I’m not saying that it didn’t cross my mind but I couldn’t do that to her. It wouldn’t be right. For any of us.”
Any of us. A hand on his shoulder, warm and so familiar. Bucky closed his eyes. Then the other hand on the metal shoulder, making him want to flinch away. It was Steve . Bucky bowed his head, afraid to move. Steve was close enough that he could feel his breath on the back of his neck.
“So, what are you going to do?” Bucky felt like his throat wanted to close up but he forced the words out, threw them out there and tried not to shake apart while he waited for the answer. Tried not to hope .
Another breath. And then the feel of lips brushing the back of his neck. He wanted to weep, he wanted to scream, it was too much, it was not enough. After all this time. Years and years of wanting and shoving it down. And now … Turning around and losing that contact was one of the hardest things he’d ever done and he’d done a lot.
“Stevie.” Bucky looked into eyes that were so, so blue and full of that age old determination that he knew so well. Steve raised a hand to his face, fingers burning brands into his skin, marking him forever.
“I’m not wrong, am I, Buck?” A thumb swept at a tear that had slid unbidden down Bucky’s cheek. He was breaking down into pieces, ready to fly away again. He could barely speak.
“You’re not wrong.” Later, he wouldn’t be able to remember which one of them moved first, but it was likely they met in middle as in all things. It was gentle and sweet. Perfect. But then the fact that he was kissing Steve and Steve was kissing him washed through him and it lit a fire within him that he thought had gone out a long time ago.
His hands slid over Steve’s suit and it was a little gratifying to feel fingers scrabbling at the zipper of his jacket, both of them trying to get closer. Bucky finally pulled back first, Steve trying to follow him, eyes closed with those ridiculous lashes fanning across his cheeks. They were both panting and a stupid grin spread over Steve’s face and Bucky knew he looked exactly the same.
The grief was still there. They’d been through hell and back. More than once. But this felt like a new beginning. He had to ask again, though, just to see what Steve was thinking. Because it was still true. He’d follow that little guy from Brooklyn just about anywhere. Bucky put his hands on Steve’s hips because he could do that now, even though there was so much they needed to talk about. He had to know.
“What are we going to do now?”
Steve put his hand on the back of Bucky’s neck and pulled him in close, foreheads pressed together, smiling to beat the band. “I don’t know, Buck. I was thinking maybe we could start with the Grand Canyon.”