Chapter Text
He assured you his past with Natasha was just that:
The past.
So why is it that when you came home from a mission earlier than expected you caught him in bed with her, his hands brushing her hair back like he would do with yours as he softly utters her name so fondly it felt like a knife was twisting your gut. But that's not the worst of it.He goes on to tell her he loves her. He tells her he loves her so easily when he always struggled to say the same to you.
You should've known better.
You should've seen it coming.
You should've realized what those sympathetic looks you were getting from both Steve and Clint were.
Betrayal isn't enough to express what you feel.
And there was no way you could ever forgive that.
You snapped out of your daze, looking at Bruce hunched over a few of his blueprints scattered across the metal table. It's been over a year since you packed your shit up and left the tower, leaving nothing more than your Transfer letter at S.H.I.E.L.D HQ and an empty room on the top floor where all the Avengers resided. You wanted an out, unable to look at your ex-lover and ex-friend in the eye, much less, trust them with your life. Any ounce of trust you had in them flew out the window the minute you found out about their affair.
You just didn't think Bruce Banner would go with you.
"You should get some rest."
Bruce's soft voice makes you blink out of your stupor. He must've sensed that you were staring at him, his body language suggesting he himself was exhausted but he knew you were far more worn out. A back to back mission takes its toll on you. You hadn't had a decent sleep in over two weeks and you were simply dying to have a good night's rest. Bruce finally looks up at you, a small, warm smile gracing his face. The smile that always assured you things will be fine and you would move passed this. If someone told you a year ago that Bruce would become someone so important to you, you would've laughed and played it out as a joke. Back then when he was Natasha's lover, you hardly ever said a word to one another. He was awkward and socially constipated, and you came off as cold, not to mention wary of the other guy that lived in Banner's body. Sure, you two were teammates. But that was all it was and at the time, that was more than enough.
The moment you found out about their infidelity, Bruce did too.
And it was chaotic.
It resulted in hulk out, the other avengers desperately trying to contain him as he charged at Bucky, and a naked, sheet-clutching Natasha looked on desperately, trying to soothe the green guy with her voice.
Obviously, that didn't work.
If anything, it made it worse.
Long story short Tony had to get all his armor out there including the Hulk Buster to finally hold him down along with the others. That was the last time you saw the Hulk. It was also the last time you or Banner saw your teammates.
Your jaw clenched at the word. Teammates. The people who you put your trust in, blind faith. The people who knew about the affair but didn't say a word. Tony and Thor were the only ones who didn't know, so you couldn't have resented them. But Steve and Clint? They knew, and they kept it to themselves. And for that, you could never look at them the same way without feeling the sharp pain of betrayal. The all too consuming rage and disgust.
"You should listen to your own advice, Bruce."
You walked over to him, gently pressing a hand to his shoulder and feeling how tense he was. He was nervous, clearly hiding something from you and you had to find out what. Living together -platonically- had been a huge therapy session. You both lived at the SHIELD building in California, having your own designated rooms, but more often than not, you two would have sleepovers. Bruce had become your best friend, if not brother, and you were just as important to him. It got to the point where he replaced Nat's name with yours under the emergency contact and you replaced Bucky's with his.
He was your support, your friend, and the only person who really knew what you felt.
He was the only one who understood the pain and heartbreak and agony you went through. The only one who can say he knows what you're dealing with.
"What's wrong?"
You ask, frowning when his eyes drop to the floor and he nervously pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. The tip of his tongue runs across his bottom lip. A habit he had when he was feeling antsy and a little concerned.
"We need to go back."
It's those five words that made your blood go cold. He didn't need to specify what he meant. You knew damn well what he meant. But you didn't understand why he would say such a thing when he knew just as well as you did, that you both didn't have anything there. Here, you had a life. There, you had the remains of broken trust, love and friendship. Why on Earth would you ever go back?
"Bruce-"
"Tony isn't well."
That stumps you for a moment. You stare at him, his gaze unyielding as you search those eyes. Trying to depict anything of what he was saying before he gives you the final blow.
"What are you talking about."
Bruce sighs, taking his glasses off to pinch the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes. Seconds go by, nothing but complete silence spread between you two in the lab when finally, Bruce begins to speak.
"Tony... the kid- Peter, he got caught up in some trouble. Found a hydra base and went in by himself. There were explosives around the building. He got rid of em before rushing in."
Bruce swallows, running his tongue across his bottom lip,
"He forgot one. There were kids in there. Test subjects Hydra was keeping and he got them out but there was one more room and Tony- he, he had to stay behind and make sure the kids got out and the building just..."
He doesn't finish his sentence. And the silence spreads out again.
"Is he alive?"
"Comatose. Pepper and Rhodey are holding on but..."
He shakes his head and the wave of sadness that fills you up is enough to solidify your decision. It wasn't about Steve, Sam, Clint, Nat or even Bucky. This was about your friends and you'd be damned if you let something like cowardice get in the way of supporting the people you care for. You can't be so selfish, so bitter that you can't be there for the ones who hadn't betrayed you. The people who cared. So you look at Bruce and nod, taking his hand in yours and giving it a light squeeze as you tell him,
"I'll get the jet ready."
Bucky pounds his fists into the bag, beads of sweat rolling down his temples as he takes in a shuddering breath. He can feel his blood pumping, his adrenaline rushing through his body but he pulls away to grab the bottle of water he left at the bench. He finishes the whole thing in one sitting, not bothering to look behind him when he senses someone walking in.
"Thought you had a date with Carter."
Bucky smiles, a little strained when he feels the soreness of his muscles shoot up. Steve walks up to him, unable to return the smile and drops his gaze to the floor. Bucky instantly knew something was wrong. All prior traces of teasing wiped from his face when he takes in the grim expression on his best friend's face.
"Steve what's-"
"Tony got in an accident. He's in a coma."
Out of anything Steve could have said, that was certainly not what he expected. He doesn't know how to respond. It feels surreal. Sure, he and Stark have a hard time getting along, especially since after-
No.
Bucky grinds his teeth, forcing his thoughts to stray away from you. He tries not to remember you. Not to say your name. Not to see those pretty eyes in his sleep, or hear your voice or see that smile. It's slowly killing him every time he fails to forget. It kills him knowing exactly what it was he lost. What it was he pushed away. Even after a year, it still hurts just as much as it did before.
"A meeting's been called in. Fury wants all of us to be there."
Steve lifts his eyes to meet Bucky's gaze,
"They called her too."
And it's those four words that drench over him like a bucket of ice water. His eyes widen, lips part in a soundless reply as Steve's words sink in. He can't figure out what exactly it is he's feeling because there was too much all at the same time. He feels shock, happiness, excitement, sadness- guilt. Fucking hell, does he feel guilt. It's been over a year since he's last seen you. Since he's last seen your face, but it's been even longer since he last held you. Bucky's fists clench at his sides.
His throat has gone dry and he tried to muster up his composure but Steve can see through it. Even when Bucky clears his throat and wipes his face of any emotion and goes: "Is she coming?", Steve can see the underlying nervousness inside him. He can see how vulnerable he really was with this revelation.
"I'm not sure. She hasn't gone back to us."
He tells him honestly and he pretends not to see the disappointment on Bucky's face,
"But knowing (Y/N)... she and Tony were really close. They still keep in contact so the chances that she'll be here is more than likely."
Bucky didn't like that. He wished she was coming. He wanted to see her face. To see how she's been over these several months. To see if she changed her hair color, her style, if she laughs the same, smiled the same. If she was still his (Y/N). If she was happier... without him.
He doesn't even want to consider the possibility of her having someone else. He doesn't want to think about the chance that you have another in your life. That you have someone there sleeping in his side of the bed. Or well, what used to be his side of the bed. Bucky doesn't want to think about it. Doesn't want to entertain the possibility that someone out there has your heart in his hands. That someone out there is holding you tight at night, kissing those luscious lips of yours, telling you how beautiful you are or how much he loves you only to hear you say it back.
Like he used to with you.
He doesn't want to know if someone has essentially filled in the space he left behind.
The spot in your heart he used to own.
It makes his chest tighten. Unbidden pain pulsing from his heart.
Steve's phone suddenly goes off. The annoying beeping is what snaps Bucky out of his trance. It's almost pathetic how much he mulls over this when the reason he was in this situation was his stupid decisions in the first place. He was the jackass, the cheater, the unfaithful and yet he acts as if he's the one who hurt the most. He feels the hate for himself bubble up in his chest. Bucky watches Steve's face go through two stages when he answers the phone. One; confusion. The other, shock.
When Steve finally gets off the phone and looks Bucky right in the eyes, he knows. He knows what the phone call is about. His heart pounds hard against his chest as he waits for the words to spill from Steve's lips. The silence is infuriatingly thick. Seconds feel like hours as he waits for Steve's confirmation, but what he has to say leaves Bucky ominous about what's to come.
And what's worse?
Jealousy.
He feels unadulterated jealousy.
"She's here. She's here, but she's not alone. She's with Banner."