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Puck might not be picky about where he sticks his dick into, but he does have a type.
Not to say he doesn't find hot plenty of body types and colors, but say he'd be in a club full of hot chicks where he doesn't know anyone, he'd target the small brunette with killer legs without fail. If they'd turn out to be loud and bossy, even better- it gets straight to his groin.
Now, Puck is not gay by any means, but that Blaine Anderson dude is exactly his type.
If only he had boobs, Puck would be in serious trouble trying to keep his downstairs friend on a leash. Thankfully Anderson's henley opens on a rather male chest, but as much as that tames the shark, it also feeds its curiosity.
Blaine's thighs look like they could crush Puck's waist, just as he likes it, and those dance moves show homeboy knows how to move his hips. Besides, Puck has another type that's really more of a kink, and that's proper, preppy chicks with a wild side.
Anderson fits all the criteria. Aside from being a chick, of course, but a mouth is a mouth, and those are pretty lips he has going on.
Sure the boyfriend looks like he could send Puckerman to jail under false accuses of child trafficking or some shit if he ever tried a move, but he's also been draped over Rachel since they got there. Boyfriend might have a type too. Puck nods at him with his chin when their eyes cross, and Smythe gives him a once over before he nods back, extremely amused.
He notes not to nod at gay fuckboys- it could be a secret sex signal.
Anyway, Smythe's all busy being into small boobs and rants about musicals, so Puck feels like he can risk a lowkey approach.
"Boyfriend stood you up?" he asks, dancing behind Blaine, who hasn't stopped swapping dance partners at every single drunken duet.
Blaine's eyes are wide when he turns to face Puck, and he's a mess, all red cheeked and sweaty.
"Night is young." he smiles, "And he isn't allowed three feets from me until at least half the room is drunker than me. Vocal Adrenaline official decree number 87." he goes on with ridiculous expressions.
Puck's mind wander over a place in which he and Rachel are twins and he gets the double deal.
"Why is that?" he asks, passing Blaine his beer.
Blaine lips close on the glass bottle and his throat moves as he swallows and there's no way he isn't doing it on purpose. It becomes clear the second he leaves the bottle with a loud pop.
"I get horny when I'm drunk, and he's just so hot." he says in a husk looking right at Smythe on the other side of the room. He gets closer to Puck, still looking over his shoulder, his mouth near his neck. "I just can't wait to get him alone and ri-"
"Let's play spin the bottle!" Rachel shouts, and Puck would punch her if she was a dude.
"Yeah!" Blaine cheers in Puck's ears, and he would punch him if he wasn't hot.
Somehow he ends up sitting across the circle from Blaine, with Rachel and Sebastian on his side. She's giggling wrapped around Smythe's arm, and it's doing something to Puck's lower regions even in that stupid dress she's wearing, so he just looks at Blaine, whose head is tilted as he looks at Sebastian with huge eyes.
Kurt is sitting on his left and he's looking at Puck with a raised eyebrow. Puck nods aggressively and Kurt frowns.
Luckily it seems gays who aren't fuckboys aren't in on the secret sex signal.
"Go, Noah!" Rachel shouts in his other ear and somehow Puck wants to punch himself because now he's diving in that symmetrical twin fantasy.
"Be ready for the shark!" he says, ready to twist the bottle.
"Please tell me you never get any." Smythe says, and Puck points at his crotch with his hands, and Smythe looks like he'll need bleach to wipe the disgust away, but also like he's having a lot fun.
The bottle tragically skips over Anderson, but it lends on Mercedes, and now that's a throwback. He gets his hand almost broken when he tries to cop a feel, but other than that it's a good opening.
The next few rounds are boring, guys kissing girls and no one kissing ex lovers, which is somewhat a statistical miracle in itself.
Things get interesting when Sam goes from Tina to Kurt, and they all make sure to be as obnoxious as they can. Sam must be drunk, because he really goes for it.
Then Kurt has to kiss Rachel, which is as boring as watching as a documentary and Noah knows by personal experience Rachel can do better that than.
Then he almost cries in joy when Rachel's spin stops on Blaine.
"Blaine Anderson!" she says pointing at him before crawling over to him as he laughs. "I'm gonna rock your world." she says, and then it's happening and Puck can't believe he doesn't have a nice side view of their mouth action.
Especially since it's not a spin the bottle kiss. Not even one gone wild. It's a slow lazy kiss that looks like it's just a bit sloppy.
Blaine's eyes open as he curls his hand behind Rachel's neck.
He's looking at Smythe like they are fucking.
He would check if Smythe is doing the same, but it's Blaine little smirk as he pulls away before diving in again with even more tongue that tells him Smythe is.
Puck is getting kind of hard.
"Okay, it's enough!" Kurt shouts and Puck can tell they're all pretty happy he has, even if the loud douchey music had swallowed some of the embarrassment.
"Your face tastes awesome." Rachel says, before falling in Blaine's arms. "I think I found myself a new duet partner!"
.
It's close to two am when Puck understands why Vocal Adrenaline have issued a decreet over keeping Blaine and Smythe apart until everyone is too drunk to care.
They're not the only ones making out. In fact nobody has sang in a while and everyone is either playing uno -Merceds, Finn, Rachel and Puck-, making out -Brittany and Artie, Sam and Santana, Tina and Mike-, or moping -Quinn and Kurt-.
Still, Puck isn't sure he could call what Blaine and Smythe are doing making out, he would go for something more like dry humping. Blaine is sitting across Smythe's lap and he lost the cardigan somewhere, the three quarters sleeves showing off toned forearms. One of his hand is buried in Smythe's hair, now a mess, the other someplace Puck can't see, and he's worked at Smythe's neck for enough time to leave his skin purple for a week.
It's Blaine's hips that get him. Moving back and forth in lazy thrusts that Puck knows are practiced.
"Stop looking." Kurt tells him from the couch behind him, and Puck doesn't turn to him.
"Start looking." Puck issues him. "Shouldn't it being of your interest? I thought you fancied Anderson."
"I'm not the one who spent the whole night drooling over him, am I?"
"He's hot." Puck shrugs.
On clue, Blaine raises on his knees, titling Sebastian's head up and kissing him in a open mouthed mess that drives Puck wild. He lives vicariously trough Smythe as he tucks his hands in Blaine's back pockets.
"Wanna make out?" he asks Rachel without looking.
"In your dreams, Noah."
"Every night."
"Do you ever think about something that's not sex?" Kurt hisses and it's the wrong time really, when Blaine's disappearing hand is clearly working at Smythe's jeans.
"Do you ever think about sex?" he says back.
"It's your turn." Mercedes issues. "If you have enough blood in your head region."
Puck looks at his cards before dropping a blue 7 on a red one. He's pretty sure Rachel used up her whole blues. She huffs and draws another card.
"Hey, Rachel?" Smythe's voice calls over Santana over dramatic moans. "Still okay with us crashing here?" he asks, his drawl husky and both of Blaine's hands laced trough his to keep them away from his body. Blaine's whine as he tries to compensate rocking his hips on Smythe's lap is bordering obscene.
"Second floor, first door to the left." she answers squinting at her card. "Is this yellow or red?" she asks shoving the card in Finn's face.
"Green." he smiles with very soft judgment. "Maybe we should go. You could use some sleep."
"You can all stay." she yawns dropping her cards on the floor and then herself. "But no sex in this room!" she shouts sitting back up.
"So we can have sex in another room?" Santana shouts so intoxicated she almost doesn't sound mean.
"No." Rachel says.
Puck looks at Blaine and Sebastian sucking each other faces on their way to the basement stairs. Rachel does the same with narrow eyes before she jolts.
"I said no sex, Vocal Adrenaline!" she shouts, and Blaine hums, his lips swollen and puffy, and Puck has to find a way to make him give him a blowjob.
"Of course." Sebastian says as Blaine leads him up the stairs by the front of his shirt.
"Sebastian!" she screams not in her indoor voice.
"You could always join us. He gets very into chicks when he's drunk and I'm willing to try."
"You perverted little meerkat!" Rachel fumbles getting almost purple. "Get out!"
"We'll keep our clothes on." Sebastian says as Blaine wraps his arms around his neck and kisses his cheekbone. "Scouts honor."
"Liar!"
"You could always check on us." Blaine teases, and it's husky and deep and smug and Puck would ask if it was an open invitation if it wasn't for the boyfriend.
Sebastian laughs and pushes Blaine up the stairs, and they haven't disappeared yet when Rachel turns to Puck.
"Noah!" she calls.
"Yes?"
"Wanna make out?"
He shrugs.
"Sure."
Finn sighs, but Puck knows it's out of love.
It only takes the feeling of her boobs pressed against his chest to remind him he got the better treat out of the two twins.
Thake that, Sebastian Smythe.