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“Okay, that’s 49 points for Captain Janeway,” Lieutenant Paris announced, “Last question for three months’ worth of replicator rations.”
“Rain On Your Parade” was the latest recreational craze aboard Voyager. The rules were simple: two contestants would be given trivia questions, and one had to grab a water bottle with miniature umbrella sticking out before the other one did and give the answer. If they were correct, they’d get to pull the string that opened an umbrella-like hatch above their opponent’s head, dumping water over them. If they were wrong, their opponent would soak them instead.
After much convincing, Captain Janeway agreed to play one round of the game. Commander Chakotay volunteered to be her opponent, eager to try and beat her at something. Alas, he found himself on the losing end, soaked to the bone, and she didn’t even get a single drop of water. She was just too good at trivia games.
Paris read the final question from the screen in front of him, “Which bird native to Australia is nicknamed a ‘laughing jackass?’”
Chakotay knew the answer to that one and tried to grab the bottle, but Janeway was too quick.
“A kookaburra,” she answered proudly.
“That’s correct!” Paris exclaimed, “Congratulations, Captain, you’re the winner. Sorry, Chakotay, looks like you’re all washed up.”
“Hold on a minute,” Chakotay held up his hand, “Before you soak me one more time, I’d like to give you my personal congratulations.” He held out his hand in front of her to give her a handshake. Janeway accepted the sportsman-like gesture, not noticing his devilish grin.
“Aww, thanks Chak—OHH!” Janeway’s reply was cut off as Chakotay pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly as he dragged her over to his space. Janeway then realized what he was about to do. “Oh, no. No! No, don’t do it!”
Hearing the audience roar with excited anticipation, Chakotay pulled the string, opening the hatch and dumping the water over them both. Janeway shrieked as the equivalent of three full buckets of water splashed over her. Once she was free, Janeway grabbed the water bottle, tossed the miniature umbrella aside, and sloshed the water onto a laughing Chakotay before using it to pound him in the shoulder.
The audience laughed and cheered while Paris doubled over, holding his stomach. “Wow, Chakotay, I was going to offer you a consolation prize, but you already gave it to yourself.”
Chakotay grinned smugly, “I decided if I was going to lose the game, I might as well make it so I'd win something.”
“Clever move, you laughing jackass,” Janeway retorted, feigning outrage, “That’s right, the kookaburra’s not the laughing jackass, you are!”