Chapter Text
Wonpil shifts his eyes from the drowning words in front of him, which is the essay due tomorrow, to Jae who suddenly enters the room, looking like he just got off from his duty from carrying the world on his back even if it's just his guitar strapped around his shoulder the only thing that he's carrying. Dark circles starting to show under his eyes. His blond hair is disheveled and his shoulders are dropped. He looks like he's dragging himself to his bed.
"You look horrible," Wonpil states as he drops his pen, rests his arm on the backrest of his chair and tilts his body to face Jae. "Were you at the clubroom?"
"Yeah," Jae utters with a hoarse voice as he puts his guitar down.
"You sound horrible, too." Wonpil knits his eyebrows as Jae flops on his bed without landing a single glance at the younger. "Don't tell me you went all out singing and--"
"You're noisy. I'm gonna sleep."
"You haven't washed up yet."
Instead of answering, Jae shifts, making his back face the younger. That's Wonpil's cue to finally keep mum. He quietly lets out a breath and focuses back on his essay.
For the next two hours, despite saying he'd sleep, Jae is wide awake and keeps on shifting his position. Wonpil pretends to not notice until he hears a muffled sob.
"Hyung?"
Jae traps a cry to prevent the younger to hear more of his weeping. Wonpil stares at his back and without getting any response from the older, he tries to put his attention back to his notes. He finished his essay an hour ago and now he's working on his report for next week.
The next day, Wonpil wakes up in an empty room. No trace of Jae. He checks the day, it's Thursday. The older doesn't have class until ten and he's supposed to be sleeping until eight like he usually does during this schedule but he's not there.
He checks the clubroom at around lunchtime but no one's around either. He thinks the older must be in the library but he's also not there. Neither in the gym when he thought he'd see him playing basketball.
Night time came and he fixes dinner for both of them. Seven minutes before ten, he can't hold his hunger any longer so he eats without Jae. At almost midnight, the older finally shows up. His dark circles are now evident.
"Hyung I made di--" the next words are left hanging when he suddenly smells something. He sniffs. "You drank?"
Jae waves his hand as if dismissing any query from the younger and walks straight toward the bathroom.
After showering, Jae flops himself on his bed and instantly closes his eyes to sleep. But just like last night, he couldn't.
It's been just a year since they became roommates but Wonpil knows it when Jae pretends to be asleep. He knows when to stop pushing a topic because the older doesn't want to talk about it. He knows when to ask. Last night, Jae was a close door. Tonight is no different.
But Wonpil couldn't just stay put and leave the older be crying himself to sleep. He knows the older wouldn't say anything about what's happening yet, but he wants to do something for him.
Few minutes after one in the morning, Wonpil slips himself slowly beside the older. The bed shifts from his weight but the older doesn't budge, as if he's deep in his sleep.
"Hyung," Wonpil calls out softly but the older continues to pretend to be asleep. "Hyung, I know you're awake."
"What do you want?"
Wonpil leans his back on the headboard, slips one arm under Jae's neck and puts the other arm around him, enveloping the older in an embrace.
“What are you--”
"Shh." Wonpil taps him softly, like a mother trying to make her baby sleep. "Just close your eyes."
Jae doesn't know why but instead of throwing a remark at the younger like he usually does, he finds himself following what he said. He relaxes as his eyes slowly close.
He falls asleep two minutes after. Wonpil smiles to himself when he hears the older's soft breathing. He stays for twenty more minutes, making sure that Jae won't wake up and have trouble going to sleep again before he stands up to settle himself on his own bed.
When Wonpil wakes up the next day, Jae is still sleeping soundly. Even after getting ready to leave for school, the older hasn't still gotten out of dreamland.
He lets Jae stay on his bed since he doesn't have class until after lunch.
At five, Wonpil is on his way to the clubroom and sees Jae talking to Jieun, the older's girl best friend. He breathes in as he unconsciously tightens his grip on the notebook in his hand.
When Jae walks away, Wonpil realizes he needs to get moving, too. Jieun sees him and she waves hi. The lady walks toward him with a bright smile.
"Club?"
Wonpil nods and holds his music notebook up, returning Jieun's beam.
"I was just talking with Jae. He's going there now, too."
Wonpil tries to recall Jae's face when he saw him talking to Jieun a while ago. He still kind of looked tired and his eyes were still bothered. But it wasn't because of Jieun, who he kind of had feelings with.
Jieun is Jae's childhood best friend but at one point, Jae thought their relationship could be a little more than that. Because that's how it usually is, right? A boy and a girl who grew up together, practically know everything about each other, inseparable and as they undergo adolescence, they'll soon realize that they can't really live without each other. Then happily ever after.
But maybe it's just in books and movies. Or maybe in some people's cases but not with Jae and Jieun. The blond never told the lady about it. Besides, what for? To make things awkward between them? It was just a thought anyway. Thought that he embraced which made him feel things and see the lady in a different light. And another thing: Jieun has a boyfriend. The club president of the music club, where he and Jae are members of.
Although Jae's eyes were kind of hallow, Wonpil's guts were telling him it's not because of the girl in front of him right now.
"Yeah, I think I saw him, too. You're not coming?"
"Nahh." She scrunches her nose. "I have club activities, too. I'll see you at the café later."
Wonpil arches his brows. "Café?"
Jieun rolls her eyes and tilts her head. Her wavy black hair smoothly follows with her head movement.
"Oh, yeah. That café where your cousin works?"
Jieun nods and waves Wonpil goodbye as she proceeds to walk. The latter continues on his tracks, too.
If it's not Jieun, then who? Or maybe what? He sighs.
Wonpil almost jumps when a weight suddenly drops on his head. Someone hits him with a notebook.
"Head up or you'll bump into something."
"Pres."
"You okay?"
"Yeah," he smiles. "No worries. I talked with your girlfriend just a moment ago anyway."
"I know," Sungjin says as he turns the knob of their clubroom.
Jae is already there, sitting with his guitar on his lap. He doesn't even look up. His fingers dance around the guitar's neck then he stops and writes something on the notebook in front of him.
"Where's Dowoon?" Sungjin asks as he gets his guitar and strap it around him.
"He said he'll just pass some papers to his professor before heading here."
As if on cue, the door flips open and reveals their drummer.
"Are you rearranging the piece?" Sungjin queries Jae.
"Yeah. I just adjusted the hook a bit."
"Oh really?" Sungjin's eyebrows dance in mirth. "Let me hear it."
Jae obliges. He situates his hands on the guitar and starts playing. His head moves along to the rhythm.
Sungjin's eyes are pierced on Jae's fingers, eyebrows knit together, ears are open to listen well to the older's new arrangement.
Wonpil grips on his chair as tight as his chest feels. He's biting his lips as his eyes are also focused on the blond but not on his fingers but his face. Jae's eyes are closed as if he's trying to inline his heart with the melody.
"I like it," the club president declares. "I think it became more…" Sungjin squints his eyes as he thinks of a word.
"Sentimental," Wonpil chimes in.
"Yeah, more sentimental."
Jae plasters a tight smile. "I got help from our club adviser."
"Professor Lee?" Dowoon quizzes.
"Yeah. Since he's a composer and used to be a producer."
As if summoned, Professor Lee knocks thrice and opens the door.
"How's it going?" He asks Jae in English.
"It's great, Hyung." He beams. "They like it, too."
Lee Woomin nods. They had an agreement that they'd call him 'Hyung' when not in class. He likes it better since he also lived in New York and makes him feel a little less older than them. He turns to Sungjin.
"How about bassist? You found one already?"
Wonpil's eyes shift back to Jae by chance and see the blond's eyes waver. His forehead furrows. Was it just his imagination?
"None yet. But I got someone willing to help us practice until we find someone."
"Okay. But you need to find one fast. Performance is in two months and time flies fast."
"I understand, Hyung." Sungjin nods. He turns to Wonpil when Professor Lee leaves. "How about the lyrics? We good?"
"Yeah." The brunette nods slowly. Yes, the lyrics are done but something's kind of bothering him. Something doesn't sit right. He's not satisfied with the current lyrics. He feels like he can still do more. There's gotta be more.
After two hours, they meet with Jieun at the cafe.
"Iced cafe mocha, iced americano with an extra shot, cafe latte, vanilla latte, and strawberry smoothie," Jieun announces proudly after she puts the drinks on their table with her cousin, Huiryoung.
"Wow, you know our preferences," Dowoon states in amazement and Jieun shrugs with a smug.
Jae looks up at Huiryoung and chats with her for a moment. Wonpil observes. It's not her either. Jieun's cousin, who Jae also had a crush on. He can still remember last year how the older would drag him to this cafe just to take a glimpse of the pretty lady. What he felt for the older woman then was stronger than what he felt for Jieun, that Wonpil even thought he'd pursue her.
"Jieun-ah," someone calls out. "Noona!" He also greets Huiryoung.
Jae stiffens. It's subtle but with Wonpil’s eyes on him, the younger notices the change on his expression. His eyes waver again like they did at the music room. Wonpil slowly shifts his gaze to the person who just came in.
"It's been a while, guys."
Black hair. Fox-like eyes. Cheeky smile. Perfect white teeth. Mole under the lip.
No doubt.
It's their former bassist.
"Younghyun-hyung!" Dowoon exclaims.
Wonpil sees Jae's lips stretch into a wide smile as he turns to look at the fox-eyed. It's a mask. His chest feels heavy again.
It's him.
He's the reason why Jae has been off for two days.
Kang Younghyun. Bassist. Songwriter. Composer. Dancer. Human trumpet. Adam Lavigne of their school. Jae's ex best friend. Jae's former roommate.
"Brian! Bro!"
The tiny voices telling him there's something more before are now whispering to him again. But his assumptions remain assumptions.
Maybe it's just an ex-best friend thing. Maybe Jae doesn't have romantic feelings for the bassist. Maybe. Hopefully.
Despite the weight on his chest, Wonpil beams, too. "Been a while, Hyung! You must treat us today!"
When the day ends, he doesn't need to force himself to smile anymore. He clutches his chest and breathes heavily as his eyes dart on Jae's back, who's lying on his bed, facing the wall.
What is he feeling now? How was he feeling earlier? Is he crying again? Is he having trouble sleeping? Wonpil wonders.
He feels his heart banging strongly against his chest like it wants to go out. He closes his eyes and episodes from today replay on his mind.
He immediately grabs his pencil and jots down some words: It's been a while. Hurt. Smile. Pretend. Okay.
He stares at the words for almost a minute before he flips a page and his pencil starts to vomit the words from his heart.
This is it. This is what he was looking for. He closes his eyes as he recalls their practice earlier. In his mind, he puts his newly written lyrics with the music they played together.
Then despite the pricking on his chest, he smiles.