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Warmth, comfort, safety . You felt like you were drowning in it, your senses overwhelmed by the feeling, your exhaustion finally appeased as you gave in happily to sweet, blissful sleep. It felt like forever since you had last slept like this, every bit of you finally resting, finally secure and at peace. In the back of your mind the horrors that usually plagued your sleep danced, attempting and failing to get your attention, to lure you to the memories that filled your nightmares. But no, they wouldn’t get a second glance, you were far too happy for such thoughts.
A dreamless sleep. No images, no voices, just that simple reassuring feeling that you were safe.
A loud laugh bellowed from across the room, causing you to frown in your sleep, tightening your hold on the comfort beneath you. The soothing feeling of something running through your hair stopped, you didn’t even notice it until it was gone. A whimper left your lips and, reluctantly, with a hesitance you could feel, the hand resumed its motions against you, lulling you back into the deep sleep you had succumbed to.
A jolting movement came from next to you, making the couch beneath you bounce, pulling you from your sleep once more, but it felt like ages since you had last been tempted to wake. With a grumble you pushed yourself further into whatever was serving as your pillow, drawing a laugh similar to before from next to you. Thor, your mind provided amongst the haze, irritated at the Norse God for interrupting the blissful and rare moments of peace. Thor, your mind repeated, irritation slipping into a slow panic. Why could you hear Thor? Was he in your room? But no. That wasn’t right. Your sleep induced mind slowly stilled, listening for more sounds in the hopes of putting together whatever was happening without fully waking up because damn it this felt good.
“Pay up,” you barely caught the end of the sentence, your hearing not quite ready to focus yet. But that was undoubtedly Tony’s voice, far too cheerful and smug as he spoke to what must have been Clint judging by the way he drew out his groan in response.
“Guys, shut up, I think she’s waking up,” a soft voice spoke, this time from above, the sound so close you could practically feel the vibrations of the words. No, that wasn’t right, you could feel them, rumbling against the back of your head, hoarse as if the speaker hadn’t spoken in some time. Your pillow couldn’t speak.
With a groan that rivalled Clint’s, you forced your eyes open, taking in the brightness of the room for the slightest of moments before shutting tightly once more. Too much light. Your voice husky from sleep, you muttered in a desperate hope the A.I. could hear you, “J.A.R.V.I.S. for the love of God please turn the lights down… like… a lot.”
A roar of laughter from next to you had you stretching out your legs, delighting when you heard the indigent “Hey!” as they came into contact with the God.
“Lights are now at thirty percent, Ms Y/L/N,” the British voice called over the speakers, drawing the corners of your lips up into a sleepy smile as you tried once more to open your eyes, this time to a much more acceptable brightness.
Clint sat on the ground ahead of you, fiddling with the drumsticks that he had bought on a whim a week earlier claiming he could totally play the drums if he had them; he couldn’t. Above him, reclined along the couch lay Nat, her eyes focused on the phone in her hands, but with the slightest of smiles on her lips, telling you she was aware of your gaze.
Movement drew your gaze upwards to Steve as he put down yet another six pack of beer on the coffee table, when did there get to be so many empty bottles there? Finally, Tony was sat on the couch opposite you, a knowing smile on his lips as he looked at you, his gaze repeatedly going from meeting your own to something above you, his smirk only growing with each movement.
With a moan at the very thought of having to turn around to look at whatever had him so amused, you simply let your gaze fall beneath you to a pair of legs. Legs, not a pillow. Sitting up with a jolt of surprise, you found yourself face to face with a blushing Bruce, not quite able to meet your gaze as he pulled his arm from around you, offering you a sheepish smile.
“Bruce,” you spoke slowly, realisation still kicking in slowly at the fact you must have fallen asleep against the man. Embarrassment soon had your own cheeks tinted to match his as your eyes widened in shock. You never fell asleep on people. Your training had you always so aware of your surroundings, so insecure at the very thought of relaxing that much, and yet you had fallen asleep quite by accident against the scientist. “Sorry,” the word slipped from your lips as your gaze fell to the couch.
Silence filled your ears, the rest of the team quite intently watching the spectacle before them, all of you waiting to hear what he might say. But with a shaky smile and a gentle squeeze of his hand against your knee he simply offered a quiet “it’s fine Y/N.”
Flashes of blue, rivers of red, swirls of green and gold, and suddenly you were awake, panting as a cold shiver runs down your back, your eyes wide as you desperately take in your surroundings. There were no enemies, no Gods of mischief, no tesseract, no people dead by your hands. You were alone in your room at what Tony now dubbed the Avengers’ Tower.
The situation wasn’t a stranger to you, in fact, it was all too familiar, occurring every time you closed your eyes and tried to sleep. It had been months now, months of sleepless nights and memories plaguing your dreams, filling you with fear and guilt as you sat in the darkness of your room night after night.
You wouldn’t be getting back to sleep, you knew that much, but still you liked to pretend, repeating thoughts that maybe a cup of hot chocolate would help, or a little walk around the tower to ease your thoughts. It never did any good, but still you tried night after night, silently hoping that this would be the night that something would change and you’d get more than four hours of sleep.
With your hands roughly rubbing your face as if they could purge the memories from the forefront of your mind, you grabbed at your phone blindly, not entirely certain you wanted to know what the time was. Peeking through your fingers you took in the time with a groan. Eleven o’clock. You hadn’t even managed to get to midnight before the dreams had taken over. Maybe you could force yourself back to sleep by physical exhaustion, that could be a thing, right? Pulling off your blankets with a loud huff, you moved silently throughout your room, not wanting to cause anyone else to wake up as you moved about. Your workout attire was already at the gym, residing permanently in the lockers Tony had installed in an effort to make it more of a team environment, so all you needed was your phone.
Creeping out of your bedroom door with well trained stealth and silence, you got all of ten feet before your gaze focused on the door to your side. Bruce’s name was neatly engraved into the front of the door, clinical in the way it matched every other bedroom door, a stark contrast to the warmth of the person within.
A hazy smile crept onto your lips at the thought, he was so kind, so gentle, he had let you use him as a human pillow for what had turned out to be over two hours without a word of complaint. Two hours. Your brow furrowed as you thought back to the unexpected nap. You had slept for two hours against the man and no nightmares had dared to reach you. Your fears hadn’t held you, all you had felt was comfort and peace. Would it be possible that he could keep your nightmares at bay for longer given the chance? No, that was ridiculous. You couldn’t possibly impose on him like that.
But then again, was it possible? Surely it would be less ridiculous than going to the gym while your body still ached from the mission you had completed not six hours earlier, your body still shaking from the thoughts that were plaguing you, and it wasn’t like he had complained earlier. Perhaps it was worth the risk, at the very least you could ask.
Your knuckles rapped against the door all too quietly, barely making a sound as your hesitance took over at the last moment. This was a bad idea. You shouldn’t be doing this. He was probably asleep, and if not he most certainly wouldn’t want to be bothered, especially by something this trivial. Your hand fell to your side as you took a step back. You should leave.
But just as you moved to take another step away from the door it began to shift. Your eyes widened in surprise, having desperately hoped he was asleep and hadn’t heard you. But there he stood, pulling a dressing robe around him tightly as he looked at you with bleery sleep filled eyes, silently questioning you as he slowly took you in. “Y/N?” he questioned quietly, squinting as he attempted to focus on you. Slowly his gaze relaxed, but his jaw tightened as he ran his gaze over you once more. You were still shaking, completely unaware to it as you stood in stunned silence. “What’s wrong?”
Shaking your head, the guilt from your dreams was now joined by that of having woken the man, and you desperately wished you could take back the last few moments and simply let him sleep. But it was too late, he was awake now, looking at you with that gentle caring gaze that made you want to cave and admit every negative thought that filled you.
He didn’t look upset or annoyed, simply worried, his eyes wide as his mouth tilted into a frown. One hand held his robe together as the other ushered the door further open. “Come on,” he spoke softly, his tone filled with a tenderness that nearly had you in tears. With a hand ever so softly against your shoulder blade he guided you into the room, not stopping until he had you sat on his bed, him kneeling down in front of you as he looked you over once more, making certain you weren’t hurt.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he offered gently.
With a shaky sigh that nearly sends you off the edge, you close your eyes tightly, trying to regain the control you usually held so carefully in tact. You weren’t even sure of the answer. Talking about it made it real, it would no longer be something you simply dealt with, albeit unsuccessfully, by yourself. It would be something he knew, something he could judge you for, something he would keep in his mind as he watched you go off on missions, no longer as strong in his mind as you had been previously. But then, talking about it could help, after all, you were certain he had dealt with his own nightmares, it was to be expected if you quite literally turned into a green giant at times. Perhaps he would have a solution for you, one that didn’t involve knocking on his door in the middle of the night.
Still, your fears and insecurities took over you. With a deep inhale, you forced your gaze to meet his, simply offering him “Nightmares,” as your explanation.
A sympathetic smile took over his features as he took your hand in his, his mind clearly whirling with thoughts at the single word. You could see the worry still in his gaze, the way his lower lip slips between his teeth as his mind goes into overdrive, and yet his hand remains in yours, his thumb running soothing patterns against the back of your hand almost without thought.
“Did you- did you want to talk about them? Or just…” he trailed off, his brow furrowing as he struggled to come up with another possibility. If you hadn’t come to talk, he had no clue what you had in mind, not that he was entirely certain you actually had a plan, after all, you were in his room, not Steve’s or Tony’s, and it was no secret that Tony had dealt with his own share of nightmares in the past few years.
“Can I-” you started, instantly feeling an overwhelming amount of embarrassment at the very thought. But he was staring at you with those wide eyes, desperate to know how he could help you. “Could I maybe stay with you tonight?” you asked timidly, chewing on your lip as your gaze fell to the sheet beneath you, mentally preparing yourself for what was inevitably going to be his rejection.
“With me? ” he questioned quickly, mouth hanging open in shock.
A small nod was the only response you could give.
“But I- You’re not scared that I might-”
“I’m not scared of the Hulk,” you huff an almost laugh at the very thought, mind filling with images of how you had joked with the green so called monster whilst fighting the God that had once taken over your mind. Perhaps it was the benefit of the battle field, but with Hulk on the same side as you you had found yourself confident, not a sliver of fear for the being as you worked together to take down the aliens that threatened your home.
It took you a moment to realise he hadn’t responded, you mind still focused on the few positive memories you had from the whole Loki debacle. But when you did your gaze slowly trailed upwards to his dumbstruck expression. You could see the cogs working away in his mind as he tried to remember every encounter you had experienced together, not once with any amount of fear on your features. A slow smile pulled at the edges of his lips, just enough to make you feel you could breathe freely once more. Perhaps you weren’t going to be kicked out after all.
Standing up, but not letting go of your hands, he glanced desperately around the room for something. “I don’t have any blankets,” he spoke as if it were the most irritating thing he had ever had to experience. “I don’t really use them, he, well, you know, I run warm,” he explained awkwardly, his free hand rubbing at the back of his neck as he tried to think.
“I’ll be fine,” you reassured him quickly, a small smile playing on your own lips as realisation kicked in. “Wait, does that mean I can stay?”
“Of course.”