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“If you want your kid to be related to you, why don’t you just let Elfman get with Erza?”
Evergreen took a sip of her drink, let her eyes meet Mirajane’s, and the question only half covered the offer that she was making; she would allow her boyfriend to go if Mirajane would give the same release to Erza.
If only things were that simple.
Erza knew that her smile was tight, forced, but hoped that only Mirajane would notice the change. And when her grip on Erza’s hand became crushing it was clear that she had realised the verbal error that had been made, the slight slip of the tongue which proved that Erza was different from most other women.
All night she laughed a little louder at jokes, moved slightly quicker than necessary, all whilst being acutely aware of Mirajane’s gaze which was never far from her face, searching for a sign that the redhead was not okay.
She found it, of course, knowing exactly what to look for after years of being in a relationship with Erza, and Titania did not know if that were a blessing or a curse. On one hand, she did not want to be a burden to the woman she loved, but on the other hand… Erza just wanted to be held.
On the walk home to their apartment neither woman spoke, and Erza hoped it would stay like that, something in the air between them but nothing more.
But then the door clicked shut behind them, and Mirajane turned to look at her, eyes already lined with tears.
“I am so, so sorry, love.”
Mirajane’s body was warm and inviting and encircled all of Erza, even the parts of her that Erza herself did not love. But Erza had spent years of her life depressed and isolated; now she was just tired.
“You have nothing to apologise for, you did nothing wrong. Nobody did.”
The kisses were welcome though, pressed against her skin sweetly until they had both sank to the floor, coats still on.
“I just wish I could do something to help you.”
Erza pulled away, held Mirajane’s face between her hands and wiped at the tears which streaked her pale skin. Mirajane’s hair was messy from the wind and her eyes were wide and red, but her expression was so sincere and full of love that Erza could not help it; she cried too.
“You do enough for me simply by staying by my side.” Erza pulled Mirajane against her chest and smoothed back her white hair.
Carefully, Erza chose her next words, chewed them around until they tasted just right on her tongue.
“I want you to have our child.”
Mirajane started up at her, blinking, before shaking her head profusely.
“I can’t, Erza. I think we should adopt.”
Erza nodded slowly, a watery smile pulling at her lips,
“There are plenty of children looking for loving homes, Mirajane, and I have no doubt that we would provide that.” She placed her thumb on Mirajane’s bottom lip, swiped along it until it fell open in awe. “But you want to experience motherhood in the traditional sense. You want to be pregnant, to bring life into the world. And I want that for you, too.” Erza caught Mirajane’s lips in a slow kiss, which her lover broke first.
“How can I? It would be selfish of me to ask for something which we could not share.”
There was a spark of anger in Erza’s chest, not at Mirajane - never at Mirajane - but at the Tower of Heaven, at the people who did this to her. To them.
“Mirajane, I will never have a child. That is a fact which I long ago accepted. But you can, and I would love to share in that with you.” Erza said sternly, and Mirajane fell against her, sobbing.
It was strange, and Erza wondered if maybe she should be the one to cry, but there had been plenty of nights filled with that already, and now all that mattered was Mirajane, and the family that they were building together.
“Are you sure?” Mirajane asked, her voice fragile, and any doubts Erza may have been hiding fell away.
“Of course I am.”
Erza kisses her again, hard and warm, and thoughts of fathers and children cloud everything else present in Erza’s mind. Instead of contempt over what she cannot have, the redhead was surprised by how much excitement she felt. Despite the pain from their past, Erza put her faith in their future, and nothing could be more special to her than that.
“We would need to discuss fathers…” Mirajane’s face scrunched up in disgust, and Erza could not help but laugh, no matter how absurd it felt in the moment.
“Another time, love.” Erza comments, standing and pulling Mirajane to her feet as well.
They take off their shoes and coats and, hands still linked, head into their home, imagining what it would be like if it were more than just them who lived there. There were more conversations to be had, and some serious decisions in their near future, but Erza did not know of anything which she could not face with Mira by her side.
The white-haired woman smiled sweetly at her, blue eyes still wet, and placed a gentle kiss on Erza’s cheek, confirming that, when they were together, there was nothing to fear.