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Her daughter’s hair slipped through her fingers like silk, or water, the tendrils wrapping round her fingers as she plaited it. For her part, Lily sat crossed-legged on the floor in front of her, keeping unusually still and, even more unusually, very quiet.
‘Are you excited?’ Ginny asked her. 'Looking forward to going back?'
'Mmhmm.'
Lily couldn’t see her mother raising her eyebrow, just continued to stare stoically ahead at her trunk, already packed and ready to go.
'Second year’s a big one,’ said Ginny carefully. 'You can try out for the Quidditch team, if you want.’
'Yeah,’ said Lily vaguely.
'That’s what you wanted the new broom for, wasn’t it?’ Ginny said, her eyes flicking to the Nimbus Thunderstorm leaning against the wall.
'Yeah… I might… I might just practice this year though,’ Lily said. 'Try out when I’m a bit older.'
Something that irritated Ginny a lot was when she realised she was becoming her mother, and the way she instinctively pursed her lips in concern didn’t help. But she pushed the thought out of her mind and concentrated on the twelve year old sat before her, who had always had her brash confidence, especially when it came to flying.
'Can’t hurt to try out though, can it?’ she said. 'You’re a very good flier. I thought you liked the idea of playing seeker.'
'Yeah… Maybe…' Ginny desperately wished she could see her daughter’s face, and was about to see if she could subtly levitate the mirror to be at the right angle when Lily spoke again, he voice a little rushed. 'One of the older girls, Lissy Fawcett, she said that the Quidditch changing rooms aren't separated into boys and girls. That everyone goes in together. And then I remembered last week and asked James if that was true and he said it was, but I don’t know if he was just trying to scare me, and then he started teasing me about it, and… Well, is it? True?'
Ah.
'Yes, it’s true,’ said Ginny slowly. 'Is that what’s putting you off?'
'No,’ said Lily quickly, but where Ginny had pulled her hair back she could see her ears turning bright red. 'But that’s bad though, isn’t it? I mean, the dorms are separate-’
'The shower cubicles are private, right up to the ceiling,’ said Ginny reassuringly. 'And when I was at school the boys used to walk about with their tops off, and some of the girls too on occasion, but mostly everyone was quite grown up about it. I’m sure if anyone was behaving badly or being mean-’
'They might not say anything, but they might still look,’ Lily burst out. 'You can’t control what people think, can you, and they might laugh at me later-’
'Hey,’ said Ginny, dropping the plait and turning Lily by the shoulders. Lily's red, miserable face looked solemnly up at her. 'Why would anyone laugh at you? You’re usually so confident, where’s this coming from?’
Lily couldn’t have got any redder. She looked down at her wringing hands. 'All the people on the Quidditch team. They’re all so… tall. And the girls especially are really pretty. And I know James is ugly-’ Ginny decided to ignore Lily’s dig at her brother. ’-But loads of girls really fancy him, one of the chasers, Sarah, she was talking about his chest the other day, really loudly in the common room, so they clearly look, don’t they? And I don’t want anyone looking at me, especially not before I’ve lost weight-’
'Lost weight?’ spluttered Ginny. 'Lily-’ She got off the bed and sat on the floor beside her daughter, pulling her onto her lap and hugging her tightly.
'Joe Schilling’s one of the beaters,’ said Lily, now openly crying. 'I don’t want him to see me in the changing rooms.’
'You don’t need to lose weight,’ said Ginny firmly, planting a kiss on her head.
'Please don’t tell dad!’ Lily suddenly said urgently. 'He’ll just tell me there are more important things than looks and I shouldn’t worry and-’
'Well, he’s right,’ said Ginny. 'But I understand. He doesn’t get why girls get upset about this sort of thing.'
It was true. She could easily imagine Harry’s bafflement, his bewildered 'but she’s perfect?’, his uncomfortable suggestion that there were more important things to worry about than appearences.
'I know it’s silly,’ said Lily in a quiet voice.
'You tell me about it anyway,’ said Ginny, and then she listened as her daughter tearfully rattled off all the imaginary flaws in her appearance, all the nerves and worries and confusion as her friends started getting boyfriends already ('Even though we’ve only just started school!’), her confusion when it came to make-up, and what clothes to wear ('What’s wrong with natural coloured tights? They were laughing about them in the common room, I had no idea they weren’t fashionable - why do they sell them then?’), her anxiety about whether she was shaving properly ('They’re never smooth, my legs, AND I’ve got dad’s dark body hair but your pale skin, so you can always tell!’), but most of all about Joe Schilling.
’…But he doesn’t even know I exist.'
'I see,’ said Ginny, a little overwhelmed. 'Well, you know, if he’s going into his fifth year he might be a bit old for you, Lils-’
'I know that,’ said Lily rather snappishly. 'I’m not trying to date him or anything, and he wouldn’t look at me twice anyway, but I can’t help feeling embarrassed every time I see him.'
'Yes, I know that feeling well,’ said Ginny, having a minor post-teenager stress disorder flashback and cringing. 'I wish I could find a potion or spell that cures that, but it’s just one of the many unbearable things about being a teenage girl.’ She looked down at her daughter, and placed a hand against her cheek. 'You don’t need me to tell you that you’re beautiful. You know that’s what I think, you know that’s what your dad thinks, you know that’s what the whole family thinks. I know it doesn’t matter to you right now. If I could take that confidence you have normally and make you feel it all the time, you know I would. But Lily… I’m about to say something and I have no idea if it’s good parenting or not…'
Lily blinked at her, taken aback. 'What?'
'If you don’t try out for Quidditch, you’re just chipping away at the confidence you do have, and I think that would be awful. I am telling you to try out, and I’ll consider it a personal slight if you don’t.'
Lily looked down again. 'Maybe once I know this stuff a bit better, I’d be more confident-’
'Lils, we’re women - we’re always going to think we’re going to be more confident if we can just get our hair like that, or learn how to apply eyeliner better, or drop a dress size. There’ll always be some way we think we’re not being women correctly, there’s always some way society tells us we should be doing better, and if you start playing that game you just never get out because you’ll never find that confidence you’re chasing. You have to get it from within yourself.'
Lily looked like she was trying to resist rolling her eyes, and Ginny couldn’t blame her. She’d hated hearing all this sort of stuff when she was younger too, because somehow it always seemed to come from women who had worked all that stuff out already. She knew that eventually Lily would realise all of this for herself, but that didn’t help her there and then. 'If you really want,’ Ginny said reluctantly, 'I can get you some of that Magical Madga’s hair removal potion for your legs-’
'Really?’ squealed Lily, delight crossing her face for the first time.
'Only because I know you worry about that so much, and there’s a condition,’ said Ginny sternly.
'I’ll try out,’ she said quickly.
'That wasn’t the condition, but good.’ She paused, stroking back her daughter’s bright red hair. 'You’ll always come to me about this sort of stuff, won’t you? Because your dad and I both bottle things up, and I don’t want that to be you, especially if it’s this sort of thing. I’ll always listen, so if you’re coming to me worrying about your nose or whatever, I promise I won’t dismiss you, I promise I’ll listen, but you must come and talk to me.'
'What’s wrong with my nose?’ asked Lily seriously, but then as Ginny’s heart plummeted, she grinned. 'I’m kidding.'
'I mean it, Lily, I don’t want to be worrying about you thinking all these horrible things about yourself.'
'I will,’ she said. She hesitated. 'And you promise you won’t tell dad? Because he really won’t get it.'
'Just for us girls,’ Ginny promised her.