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The heavy sounds of the piano played a sorrowful, melancholy melody. It reverberated throughout the empty apartment, that once held so much warmth and joy. A brunette, her eyes holding such a pained expression, played on, even as her trembling fingers told her that she couldn't do it anymore.
"Chopin's Fantasie impromptu? A good choice, Tendou Maya. In fact, its one of my favorites."
Ah, how much she longed for that voice to be right beside her at that moment. She missed her so badly, she wished those garnet eyes would show themselves once more.
"Really now, Ma Claudine, its rare for anyone to indulge in songs like these." The song spoke of such life, such dreams to be achieved.
The smell of lavender and the warmth that used to be by her as she played the piano was not here. Fantasie impromptu, a sudden fantasy that she longed to make it come true.
"Hmph, don't take me lightly. I play the piano too, you know. Maman used to play this song a lot." Her slender fingers slid over the grand piano, feeling the furnished, polished wood smooth against her fingers.
She paused midway, her fingers now cold to the touch. The apartment was dark and cold, devoid of any warmth, only holding such hopelessness and longing. Her lips whispered a name she forbade herself to remember, crystal tears dropping onto the keys of the piano. A piano that held so much painful memories.
"Oh is that so? I guess we'll play it together one day, ma chérie, in front of the world." The blonde giggled, sounding like music to Maya's ears.
"Cheesy much?" But Claudine couldn't help smiling, a red tint to her face. She leaned forward and kissed Maya's cheek lovingly.
"Je t'aime, Ma Maya."
"Je t’aime aussie, ma Chérie."
"Claudine.. I miss you." Slow mumbling turned into incoherencyーpained breaths turned into sharp quick onesーa drop or two turned into a river as she sobbed. She sobbed for what she couldn't take back anymore. Her heart was beating so fast it was excruciating, she was spiraling, down, and down and down. For now, there was no warmth, no sanctuary, only the darkness engulfing Maya, who longed for the woman she loved to embrace her in her arms.
A sudden fantasy, a fantasy just like how they were before, not broken or tainted, only happiness by their side. Maya would give up anything, everything to have Claudine to be by her side again.
Now she only knew of the darkness that greeted her, cold yet comforting.
"Tendou-han, you know you don't have to do this." Kaoruko pleaded, a serious toneー one which contrasted to her usual teasing attitude. As a daughter of the owner of one of the best dance schools in Japan, she was deeply interested in classical music, especially those of which Tendou Maya composed and played. Added to the almost infinite amount of connections she had, she was able to then become Maya's manager and close friend.
"..no, I fret I must." Maya looked at her Kaoruko with downcast eyes, a hanging tension in the air.
She couldn't play like usual. The pieces which would move thousands, now all the emotions in it were dead and cold. She wouldn't let her composure down. Since that day, she was icy cold, her songs sounding seemingly monotonous even if it was a highly constructed etude of various notes.
She couldn't hear it. She couldn't hear her. She couldn't hear the music she loved.
"Its her, isn't it?" Kaoruko questioned, her teasing tone no longer there, instead, a piercing gaze into Maya, who immediately stiffened at her words.
"Kaoruko," she sucked in a breath through her teeth, as if trying to blow on the wound on her heart, those thoughts running through her mind again. "Don't." A warning that hid its true meaning. Her hands gripped tightly on her red hourglass dress she was wearing.
"She wouldn't want this too, you know. Even if she really wanted you to perform, she wouldn't want you to force yourself." Kaoruko was insistent, she didn't want someone dear to suffer. "Kuro-han wouldn't want to see you like this-"
"What would you know?" Maya had enough, cutting her off, she sucked in a breath. She was trembling again, the mere thought of Claudine fighting for her life on that hospital bed-
"I know that my girlfriend too," she paused, as though finding the proper words to say, "cries every night because her best friend isn't coming back anytime soon."
The both of them sat in silence, thick tension surrounding them, until Maya spoke up, breaking the ice.
"I'm sorry, Kaoruko. I didn't mean to. Its just been.. difficult for me." Maya let out a sigh, those amethysts filled with such pain and hopelessness.
"...whatever." She averted her eyes. "Do whatever you want. You're a Tendou, anyway." She seethes, but there wasn't a hint of malice, only spite. "You're just so full of pride. Too full of it even."
Kaoruko slammed the door behind her, leaving Maya contemplating and hesitant about her decision to perform. She'd never seen Kaoruko this angry before.
"We'll play it together on the stage one day, in front of the world."
There were a roar of claps sounding from outside, the small hanging TV in the waiting room displaying the previous performer bowing and exiting the stage.
It was her cue to enter the stage that she was born to be in, to strive for the top. As the stagelights shined on her, the sea of eyes on her wasn't to be missed. She walked towards the instrument she had known for her lifetime, with poise and grace.
She remembered her, with her pastel pink dress, an elegant violin in hand that played melodies that would reassure Maya on stage. They were the perfect duo, each heightening their partners' abilities to the fullest, as though they were soaring higherーhigher than ever beforeー
"Welcoming, Tendou Maya onstage." A roar of applause as Maya robotically bowed. There wasn't any glow or warmth in her eyes.
She wasn't there.
Her hands settled on the cold keys, preparing herself for the piece she was about to play. Then her fingers flew, countless days of practicing, it all came to this day.
Tendou Maya was known for delivering superb pieces full of emotion.
Her fingers pressed each key with such ease, her feet pedalling whenever it was supposed to, but yet, the sound of the piano wasー
She couldn't hear a thing. She couldn't feel. It was only her heartbeat causing discord within her mind. It went higher and higher, her pupils dilating, her hands almost shaking uncontrollably like a madman.
"Hey calm down, breathe, Maya." She needed her. Her voice to be by her side, her melodious, soothing voice. It was muffled as though in water, the raging river drowning her whole.
She couldn't find it. The spark of the piano. The flame that allowed her to soar higher and higher untilー
The climax of the piece was smoothly played, dexterous fingers managed to pull it off, but something seemed horribly off. There wasn't any emotions. Everything seemed robotically controlled, and only the perfect was tolerated.
Those eyes were dead. Not even the slightest bit of life was to be seen, as though a cold winter windー a blizzard had blown through the wasteland.
As the thunderous applause sounded, the grins on their faces knew nothing about her pain. She was gone, and she would never return. She was simply a fantasy that Maya would indulge in from time to time.
Ah, its the first of the month againー
"Claudine, I love you."
"I know."
She dreamt of warm colors, only to wake up with her handsーshrouded in pitch black darkness. The digital alarm clock blinked a 2:00 as insomnia began to strike her again. The metal band, once a happy memento of what she had, now felt constricting on her finger.
They were so happy, why did death have to take her away?
The bed never felt so wide and lonely, the cold sheets were draped over her, the missing warmth was one she never got used to.
At the end of the room, there sat a violin case, leaning on the wall, dust accumulated from the months of isolation. A dream yet again, where she longed for her warmth, her voice, her presence beside her, excruciatingly so.
Maybe it was just fate. Maybe they were just two star-crossed lovers, as ill-fated as Romeo and Juliet. Maya used to soar higher and higher with Claudine, but it seems as if she was the one in the heavens now. She blinked her tears away, those amethyst eyes glistening from the remnants, as she reminded herself not to cry any more.
She musn't cry. She won't.
The dawn was cold, but her grave was warm to the touch. Maya wonders, will she ever get the chance to hold her warm hand in hers once again? She wonders, will she get to fufill her dreams of being the top star up there? She was told that Claudine would be a star in the sky.
Her pathetic self only knew how to wish for the things she could never attain, no matter how hard she tried. Had she been a child, her innocent self would've looked at the stars each day, hoping she could find Claudine's.
Was she happy up there? Maya never knew the answer, and all she could do was wonder, like the child she was. Wandering in her own loneliness, in her own shadow, the stagelights stolen from her once more. Frustration, anguish, confusion all dissipated and left emptiness, loneliness and despair.
Ah, how Maya could wish to lie on the soft green grass beside her grave, and never wake up. She thought, the warmth she craved was just right there, although she knew her wife would never forgive her if she did so.
She just sighed, a warm tear dripping down to the soil beneath her, those beautiful magenta Abulitions replacing those wilted white roses, shrivelled up, brown and dry. She was there to love, even in her death. Tomorrow was another day on stage, without her violin, without her passion, without anyone chasing nor keeping up with the pianist. It was just her, in the lonely pinnacle of the highest mountain, hoping to reach for the heavens where her beloved was.
Her final whisper of love was one that she would never forget.
"Shine for me, Ma Maya, let me see the spark I love so much when you're on stage, even as I'm up in the heavens."
"I'm sorry, Claudine." Another apology whispered to her grave, full of hurt and despair.
Another thunderous applause, another emotionless and desparaging stage, yet people clapped and clapped for the masked but never for the love. She was just a sudden fantasy Maya loved to indulge in her pieces, a wish, a star she could never reach.