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Almost every serious conversation Izuku Midoriya ever had started with a simple, casual, “Hey.” This conversation seemed no different, except he was the perpetrator now.
A knock on a door was the only thing separating him and the possibility that he might ruin the longest-lasting relationship he’s ever had with someone that’s not his mother. He had to be brave. He had to knock on the door, or risk not knowing what might’ve happened if he did.
Knock knock.
He heard a grunt and some mumbling from inside the room before Kacchan opened the door. He stood calmly, albeit a frustrated look on his face. Perhaps he had been doing something: studying, watching a show, reading. Perhaps he didn’t like people knocking on his door.
“Hey,” Izuku said. There’s that word. The word that held so much untold power.
“What do you want, nerd?”
Izuku shuffled his feet a little, his nerves getting the better of him. It was harder than he thought.
“Can we… talk?”
Kacchan crossed his arms. “About what?”
Izuku hadn’t expected Kacchan would ask that, though he probably should have. Now he was unprepared and didn’t know what to say.
“...Something? Can I just come in, Kacchan? Please?”
Kacchan sighed, uncrossed his arms, and let Izuku in. Izuku watched as Kacchan sat on his bed, and sat in his desk chair to face him. This would be the ultra hard part. Izuku had what he would say all planned out, but nerves had a way of erasing any and all clear thought. The only thing Izuku could think about was how loud his heart was beating inside his chest.
“What is it, Deku?”
Kacchan sounded softer than he had at the door, but the angry tone in his voice never fully went away. Not around Izuku, anyway.
“I…” This was stupid. Why was he here? He should just accept their love-hate friendship as enough and deal with his emotions on his own time. But it wasn’t even that. It was more like a like-hate friendship. Were they even friends? Did Kacchan consider them friends? Would being just friends ever be enough for Izuku?
“Christ, Deku, just spit it the fuck out.”
“We’ve been… we’ve been getting closer, right?”
Kacchan showed obvious annoyance at the question, but responded anyway. “Yeah, sure. I guess.”
Izuku twiddled his thumbs, wrung his hands. He watched his fingers, finding he couldn’t look Kacchan in the eye.
“I’ve just been thinking a lot, Kacchan. About…” He looked at the ceiling, taking in a breath. He didn’t know if Kacchan would fully understand what he was about to say, but if he did, it would change something. For the better or worse, Izuku didn’t know. He hoped for the better. “...about you.”
Kacchan was quiet for a moment. Izuku forced himself to look him in the eye, those gorgeous red eyes, and found they were looking right back at him. He looked confused, like some part of him understood but he couldn’t fully register what Izuku meant.
“I mean, I like you-”
“Shut the fuck up, Deku. Let me think.”
Izuku obediently closed his mouth, and looked away from Kacchan. He looked around his room. A single All Might poster hung on the wall. Other than that, his room was decently impersonal. No real tells that it was Kacchan’s room. His desk was clean, his backpack kept together in the corner by his closet, which was closed.
Izuku was startled from his thoughts by Kacchan’s voice. His head whipped around to face him again.
“So you like me.” Izuku nodded. “What is it that you want from me?”
Izuku sighed. What did he want from Kacchan? An actual relationship? A date? Just… something more than what they already had?
“I don’t know.”
“Well that doesn’t fucking help me.” Kacchan pulled his legs up, sat criss-cross applesauce. Izuku thought he’d never seen Kacchan sit like that.
“Do you like me back?”
“God, Deku. I don’t know. Maybe. I’ve felt differently around you recently but I didn’t fucking stop to think about it.” He ran a hand through his hair, closed his eyes. “Give me some time to think about it. Time and space.”
Izuku nodded, and without a word, left Kacchan’s room.
x
The few weeks after that went by slowly, dreadfully. Izuku respected Kacchan’s request and didn’t speak to him, hardly went near him, uness he absolutely had to. It was torture. He knew Kacchan knew about his feelings, and he knew he shouldn’t talk to Kacchan so as to let him think, but that meant Izuku was left admiring long-distance.
He noticed that Kacchan’s hair had been getting longer. It’d been the same style since they were kids, but now it was getting shaggier, less spiky. Izuku wondered if it was intentional, or if he’d get a haircut soon, but he couldn’t ask.
He noticed Kacchan wasn’t raising his hand as much in classes. He thought maybe it was partially his fault. Maybe Kacchan was distracted, thinking about feelings. Deciding whether or not he liked Izuku back. Again, Izuku couldn’t ask.
Izuku spent more time with Iida and Ochako during the time he had to give Kacchan space. They were his best friends, after all. But he didn’t tell them about Kacchan. He didn’t know how. He didn’t know how they’d react. They’d probably ask him why he liked Kacchan, try to convince him not to. Maybe they’d say a relationship between them wouldn’t be healthy.
Maybe they’d say the opposite.
There was one person who knew about Izuku’s feelings toward Kacchan besides Kacchan, and it wasn’t Izuku’s choice for him to know.
Kirishima had caught Izuku alone in the common room and talked to him.
“I’ve never seen Katsuki think about something so hard,” he’d said. “He’s s back and forth with it.”
“What do you mean?” Izuku asked.
“He doesn’t want to hurt you. Not in ways that will scar you. Not again. It’s very obvious that he cares about you, Deku.”
Izuku slipped a smile at that. A little bit of him didn’t want to believe what Kirishima told him. It was a bit shocking that Kirishima insisted Kacchan cared about him so much. He’d grown so used to the Kacchan that would hurt him again and again without a second thought.
Things were changing.
x
It was a total of 16 days before Kacchan talked to Izuku again.
This time, Izuku was the one who was approached in his room. Kacchan had never been in his room, and Izuku was afraid he’d make fun of all the All Might merchandise. He didn't. Sometimes Izuku forgot that Kacchan was as big of an All Might fan as he was.
Kacchan sat on his bed without asking first, and Izuku sat on his bed as well, across from Kacchan. He sat in silence, waiting for Kacchan to say what he came here to say.
“I hate apologies,” he started, which confused Izuku a moderate amount. Where was he going with this? “So you better fucking appreciate this.
“I’m sorry.” He was hesitant, continuing. “For… bullying you. For ditching you when you didn’t get a quirk. For thinking… for thinking you just wanted to best me.”
Izuku knew that apology was well-deserved, but still, he thought he’d never hear it from Kacchan. And honestly, he’d accepted that. He would’ve been fine had Kacchan never said that. But actually hearing it… that meant the world to Izuku.
Kacchan was staring at him expectantly, waiting for Izuku to say something.
“Thank you, Kacchan,” he settled for.
Kacchan nodded. “I like you, Deku. I… care about you. I’m just… afraid. Of hurting you. Of not catching myself before saying something awful to you. I’m so fucking used to being an asshole to you… I don’t know if I can just snap out of that right away.” He looked frustrated. Izuku could tell that, while Kacchan had probably prepared what he was going to say, he’d likely never done this before.
“Kacchan, that’s okay. I don’t expect you to. It’s the effort that counts.”
Kacchan breathed heavily. “Fuck you, Deku, for making me talk about my feelings.” Izuku smiled. Not in a joking way. In a sincere way, that said he appreciated what Kacchan was doing.
“I want to be with you,” Kacchan said.
That was it. That’s what Izuku wanted to hear. He didn’t think he’d ever get to. But Kacchan had just said it. ‘I want to be with you.’ Izuku was beaming.
“I want to be with you, too.”
“Good. If you’d changed your mind and still let me say all that I probably would’ve killed you.”
“I don’t think this is something I can change my mind on, Kacchan.”
He smiled. Kacchan actually smiled. A real, non-narcissistic smile. Izuku thought he’d never seen Kacchan look so beautiful. He wanted to see that side of him more often.
Maybe now, he’d get to.
“Kacchan?”
“What?”
“Can I kiss you?”
Kacchan laughed. Izuku thought maybe he’d overstepped, maybe they weren’t quite there yet. But then Kacchan said, “You don’t have to ask. You can just fucking do it, y’know.”
“Okay. I just, uh. I’ve never kissed anyone before? I don’t really know… how it happens.”
“Want me to show you?” Kacchan offered. He didn’t think he was being 100% serious, but the look on his face said otherwise.
“S- sure.”
Kacchan scooted closer to Izuku, so they were sitting facing each other, their knees slightly overlapping. Kacchan raised a hand to Izuku’s jaw, and Izuku couldn’t help but to lean into the touch.
“The first step is to get real close,” he said quietly, almost a whisper but not quite. “A little bit of teasing could be nice. A thumb brushing on the bottom lip, a whisper, a kiss on the edge of the mouth.” He did everything he was saying as he was saying it, and Izuku was putty in his hands.
“And when you’re ready, you lean in, and you slot your lips together. It’s like clockwork, if you know what you’re doing.” Kacchan held his face less than an inch away from Izuku’s. They were so close, Izuku could feel Kacchan’s breath on his skin. Kacchan smiled, and finally, he laid his lips on Izuku’s.
Izuku could feel his breath being taken away. Kacchan was so gentle, so soft against him. He didn’t know if all kisses felt so good, or if it was just kisses with Kacchan. He’d nothing to compare it to, and he thought he’d be okay if he never did. This was perfect as it was.
Until it got better.
Kacchan nibbled on Izuku’s bottom lip, promoting him to open his mouth, which he did. Kacchan slipped his tongue into Izuku’s mouth. Izuku had always thought kisses with tongue were weird, would probably gross him out, but it was good. It was an odd sensation, but he got used to it, and it felt better than he’d expected it to.
It was a good two or three minutes they spent like that, kissing, tongues prodding, before they had to break apart to breathe. Kacchan had a slight blush, and his lips were shiny with saliva, which might’ve been gross in a different context, but Izuku thought Kacchan looked stunning.
It took Izuku a minute to realize Kacchan was staring at him. As soon as he caught his eyes, Kacchan whispered, “You’re beautiful, Izuku.”
He’d made the right choice, to confess. Things changed for the better.