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Chapter Text

Chika wore a lot of lipstick.

She would spend hours every day applying makeup, checking and double-checking and triple-checking to make sure that she looked absolutely perfect. She applied eyeliner and eyeshadow and painted her nails whenever they started to look dull to her. She did her hair in different ways depending on her mood or what was considered trendy at the time. But most importantly, she always made sure to smear her favorite black lipstick over her lips.

Luka didn’t mind having to wait so long for her to finish. She wasn’t too big on makeup or fashion herself, but of course she thought that Chika looked beautiful without makeup anyway. In fact, though she would never admit it to anyone, she rather enjoyed going out in public covered in black lipstick marks, especially when Chika was with her. Somebody had to be there to explain where they came from, after all.

Chapter Text

Luka, Lily, and Gumi were all visiting Meiko's house for the first time.

"Mom?" Meiko called when she entered the house. "I'm home! Come downstairs and meet my friends!"

Sachiko appeared at the top of the stairs. Her thick legs stretched out from her scandalous black-and-gold dress clinging to her slim figure. Her smooth face gazed down at them.

When Meiko looked behind her, Gumi was clutching her chest with wide eyes, Luka was blushing furiously and crossing her arms tightly underneath her breasts, and Lily had fallen to her knees.

"Sorry," Meiko chuckled. "Forgot you were all disaster lesbians."

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Gakupo cleared his throat, tapping the microphone in front of him. "I've come to make an announcement," he said, staring straight into the camera, "Megurine Luka's a bitch-ass motherfucker. She pissed on my fucking wife."

The crowd of people who were watching the broadcast on the street let out a collective gasp. All eyes shifted to Luka, who was standing right in the middle, her arms folded and a slightly smug look on her face.

"Why did you do it?" Miku asked. "What did Gakupo ever do to you?"

Luka shrugged. "Nothing, really. I just thought it would be funny."

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"Hey," Flower greeted the MEIKA duo as they entered the room. "I was wondering, what do you guys identify as, exactly?"

Hime shrugged with a cheerful grin. "I dunno! People usually say I'm a girl, so there's that!"

"Gender is an enigma," Mikoto stated. "An indescribable state of mind forced upon you from birth. There have never been words. Only the sheer force of existence that we merely imagine. What is identity? Even God has no answer. We all simply live in blissful ignorance of ourselves."

"Mood," Flower muttered with a nod before shoving a Pocky stick into her mouth.

Chapter Text

"Man," Rin reflected, "I really wanna punch Gakupo in the face."

"Why?" Len asked.

"I dunno. He's a dick." She sighed, burying her face in her hands. "Too bad I'm not tall enough to reach him."

Len put down his book, deep in thought. "Hm...I think I know how you can do it."

Gakupo was minding his own business when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, expecting to see Kaito or another one of his friends, only to be greeted by a fist flying straight in his face.

"OW! What the hell?!" he demanded, rubbing his bruised cheek.

Rin, who was sitting on top of her brother's shoulders, was smiling down at him confidently. "Gotcha, bitch!" she cried, folding her arms.

"I'm going to fucking murder you little brats!" Gakupo screamed, leaping to his feet and running toward them.

"Uh oh..." Rin kicked Len in the shoulder. "Hurry, steed! Carry me to safety!"

"I hate you so much," Len muttered as he ran away with his sister on his back.

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Ryuto pointed at the dark purple marks on his sister's neck. "What are those?"

Gumi's face instantly went red. In the other room, Lily stiffened, her cheeks also taking on a similar hue.

"Well..." Gumi began, looking to her girlfriend for help.

"Mosquitoes!" Lily interjected. "She was bitten by mosquitoes!"

"Oh." Ryuto seemed satisfied with the answer at first, but then a sudden thought occurred to him. "I didn't know mosquitoes had teeth." He leaned in closer, trying to get a better look at the bites. Frantically, Gumi shot Lily a pleading look.

"...They were really big mosquitoes." she muttered.

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Maika raised her eyebrows when she entered the kitchen to see Flower having a small treat. "I didn't know you liked strawberry ice cream!"

Flower shrugged. "I used to not like it. Now I do. Tastes change."

Maika nodded in agreement. She headed to the freezer to serve her own serving of the delicacy. "We have whipped cream, too," she reminded Flower, "if you want it."

"Maybe."

Maika took the whipped cream canister from the fridge to top her own ice cream first, then Flower's. Then, without warning, she stuck the nozzle right through Flower's lips. "Open wide, sunshine!"

She released a flood of whipped cream into Flower's mouth, giggling when she saw Flower's wide violet eyes. Flower didn't protest, however. She seemed content swallowing the light cream as it burst out.

Maika pulled out the nozzle, grinning with satisfaction. "You're so adorable when you're surprised."

Flower jumped to her feet and immediately pulled Maika's face to hers, kissing her lovingly on the lips. Now Maika's eyes were wide, her cheeks filling with almost the same tint of pink as her bright eyes. She had barely any tine to properly react before Flower pulled away, leaving bits of whipped cream on Maika's lips.

"I get it," said Flower, sitting back down. "I guess I like strawberry ice cream more now because you always taste like strawberries."

Maika, whose face was practically a tomato now, fell to her knees and clutched her chest with a squeal. Flower didn't worry. This happened literally every time she complimented Maika.

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Gumi slammed the empty game case of Super Smash Bros for Nintendo 3DS on the table. "No wavedashing, no L-canceling, no ledgegrabbing, no de-sync, no chaingrabs--" She was furiously clapping her hands with every complaint. "NO FUCKING ICE CLIMBERS!"

She looked Cul, who was sitting on her couch, in the eye. "This isn't a real Smash game. You're just playing a casualized version of Brawl, which was a dumbed-down Melee."

"Melee has aged horribly," Lily yelled from the other room, "and you should feel bad for liking it!"

Cul clicked her tongue and shrugged her shoulders. "I agree, man. First time I got Smash four and tried it, after having played Fox-only on Final Destination for years in Melee, I was so disappointed. I couldn't Doowop a Skippity Uppity Airslap into a Wavedashed Cockdump Sparklenut. You aren't even allowed to Spitshine a ledge canceled Dickknob after Twirlywhirly Dibbidybobbidyboo Two: Electric Boogaloo. Fucking in-ex-cusable. I really hope Sakurai dies so the series can see its full potential."

Chapter Text

Rana was weakened. Her body was on the verge of collapse. The city was in ruins as the demons of destruction ravaged the land, leaving nothing but fire and rubble in their wake.

"There's only one way to end this..." she muttered. She reached into her pocket and took out her secret weapon: a magic wand with a golden star on top of it. "Ultimate Power, activate!"

Slowly, light began to envelop Rana's form as she transformed into a being of magical power. Her clothes began to change into the familiar flowing dress that she had grown accustomed to through vigorous training. Her hair grew down to her ankles, leaving a trail of sparkles in its wake. Her boots rose up to-

"Okay, okay," Rin scooted her chair away from the computer and pointed at the screen, "this is the fifth time you've described her transformation sequence. I think the readers should know what she looks like by now."

"You think so?" Len asked, leaning in for a better look. "I'm just very particular about that kinda stuff. I don't want to just brush over the fact that she just turned into a magical demigoddess."

"Trust me, it's gotten to the point where anybody would brush it off. Cut this scene out."

Len sighed and deleted the passage that his sister had highlighted. "Do you think people will like it?"

Rin smiled confidently and patted her brother on the back. "Of course they will! This 'Rana' chick is a super cool character! I can't wait to see what happens to her!"

Len rubbed the back of his head, flattered. "Aw, thanks! I put a lot of thought into making her. I just hope she isn't seen as too overpowered or whatever..."

Rin shrugged. "Eh, she's a magical girl. They're all overpowered. Who cares?"

Len nodded. "True."

Chapter Text

Luka cupped her hands and called out through the loud pop music and party chatter. "Meiko?"

She felt someone tap her shoulder, and whirled around to see Maika. "I'm right here, Luka!" she giggled.

Luka sighed and shook her head. "Not you, Maika."

"Ohhh..." Maika giggled again and turned around. "Whoopsies! Sorry, Luka!"

It was Flower's turn to man the DJ station at Miku's big party. Before playing her mixtape, she tapped the microphone. "Could Maika come up to the DJ booth, please?"

Immediately, the colors blue and pink blurred toward her, and she saw the MEIKA twins gazing up at her eagerly.

"Maika," Flower repeated. "With an A."

"I know," Mikoto said. "M-E-I-K-A."

"Just get back to the kiddie pool. And tell my girlfriend to come up here if you see her."

Ryuto and Rana were already at the kiddie pool, but there was no sign of their new friends.

"Where are the MEIKAs?" Ryuto shouted.

A shadow loomed over the children. They turned around and saw Meiko looking down at them with crossed arms.

"It's just Meiko," she told them. "I'm not the Meiko. What do you need?"

Rana shook her head. "We meant Hime and Mikoto."

"Well, just use their real names, then." Meiko shrugged and turned back. "Ya little weirdos."

Chapter Text

Gumi was looking at her phone with a smile on her face. Nearby, Miku saw her grinning and sat next to her.

"Aww, who's got you smiling at your phone like that?" she asked. "Is it someone you like?"

"Oh! Uh..." Gumi hastily shut off her phone and stuffed it in her pocket. "Yeah, I guess you could say that..."

Miku's eyes lit up with wonder. "Aww, that's so cute! Who is it?"

Gumi’s face went red. "Oh, it's nobody really!"

Little did Miku know, the image that Gumi was just looking at was one of the both of them.

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"Look into my orbs, Gumi," Miku demanded.

Gumi obeyed, finding comfort in the turquoise orbs staring at her.

Miku smiled. "I'm sorry. It's just...your orbs are so beautiful."

Gumi's orbs widened. Then, suddenly, the door kicked open. They whirled around to see Lily, fire in her blue orbs.

"I can't believe my orbs!" Lily exclaimed.

Miku and Gumi gasped. Miku hurried to formulate an excuse. "I had something in my orb!"

At this, everyone collapsed into laughter. Lily shook her head. "This is stupid," she said, despite being doubled over in laughter.

"I have tears in my orbs," Miku agreed.

Chapter Text

It was a quiet night at the lounge. Kaito was playing a jazzy piano tune on the small, wooden stage, and being ignored as usual. People were chatting softly amongst themselves, when the sound of hurried feet running up on the stage to the microphone stand caught everyone's attention.

It was Hatsune Miku. She tapped the microphone three times, cleared her throat, and announced loudly and passionately, "I'M TRANS!"

She threw the microphone aggressively to the floor, waited for the ear-piercing feedback from the impact to go away, and kicked the microphone stand as everyone in the lounge politely applauded.

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Rin came out of the theater sobbing, tears running down her cheeks and wails escaping her lips. Len had his arm wrapped around her and was patting her back.

"Oh no," said Meiko, who had just arrived to pick them up, "are you okay? How was the movie?"

"It was..." Rin paused to let a few more tears drip down her face, "so beautiful!! The best video game movie ever made!"

"And to think you were complaining about how much it was gonna suck before we went in!" Len teased.

"I’ve never been so happy to be wrong!" Rin cried.

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"You want it that badly, babe? Then say it." Lily licked her lips as she pinned Luka down. "Look me in the eyes and say it. Say that you're my little--"

"Lily," Luka interrupted, with a totally straight face, "all I did was ask very politely for some of your chips. You could easily just say no."

Lily huffed and sat back up, shoving her hand in the bag of chips for a handful to drop in Luka's palm. "You're never any fun, Luka."

Luka laughed softly, wondering why her girlfriend was like this, before kissing Lily on the cheek.

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Miku was lying on the couch, looking unusually gloomy. Meiko sat down next to her and patted her head.

"What's the matter, sweetheart? Did somebody hurt you?" Her voice suddenly turned defensive. "If they did, Mama can beat 'em up for you. I still got brass knuckles in my-"

"No, no, it's not that!" Miku assured her. "I'm just upset because there's been no Animal Crossing news lately..."

Meiko nodded, a bit confused. She didn't know anything about video games, but she knew how much Animal Crossing meant to her friend.

"...Then I'll beat up Nintendo."

"Meiko, no!"

"Meiko, yes."

Chapter Text

Rin placed her hands on her hips with a scowl. "Who the piss took my eyeliner?"

She was staring right at her answer. Len was applying eyeliner to Fukase's face. Upon his sister's entry, he looked up at her. "This is yours?" he asked, feigning innocence.

Rin grabbed the nearest throw pillow, ready to strike. "You ass! Your eyeliner looks nothing like mine!"

"I'm sorry!" Len shrieked, dropping the wand on the floor. "Fukase said this is the only one that works on his face!"

Fukase turned to Rin and gestured to his heavily scarred smirking face, as if that proved it. "You wouldn't intrude on this romantic gesture, would you?"

Rin growled, before narrowing her eyes and coldly declaring, "I'll get even with you, you banana bitch."

She stormed out just as Fukase shouted, "By the way, I stole your eyeliner."

Chapter Text

Kaito was busy applying the finishing touches to his masterpiece: an anthropomorphic otter with anime eyes. All he had to do was name it, and his fursona would be complete.

"KAITO!" Meiko shouted, kicking down his door. "How many times do I have to tell you to keep that furry trash out of here?!"

Kaito's eyes widened as he attempted to cover the computer screen. "Meiko, it's not what it looks like, I swear!"

"It better not!" Meiko took off her jacket to reveal a shirt with a dragon on it. "You know damn well this is a SCALIE household!!!"

Chapter Text

"Hey, babe." Fukase held up a water pitcher. "I'm gonna fill this with coffee and drink it."

"You," Len said matter-of-factly, "are going to die."

"Nah. Not from coffee." Fukase shrugged. "It's like...science, or something. I dunno. I wanna see what it's like to do drugs without doing drugs."

Within the next ten hours, Fukase had become very shaky and sweaty, vomited, and peed his pants. At that point he simply lay on the floor, drenched in sweat as Len, while making fun of him, filled up a glass of ice water.

"Yup," Fukase muttered. "Definitely not gonna do drugs."

Chapter Text

Gumi was absolutely perfect. Lily knew this for a fact. Every inch of her, from the tiniest goosebumps on her skin to the curve of her hips to the tips of her eyelashes - Lily loved it all.

"You're so perfect," Lily whispered, "you're wonderful, babe."

Gumi blushed and buried her face in her chest, squealing, "You're perfect, too!"

"But you're perfecter."

"Nuh-uh! That's not a word!"

Lily stuck her tongue out playfully. "Whatever. C’mere."

She pulled her girlfriend close and planted a soft kiss on her lips. Gumi kissed back, sighing in bliss. This, she thought, was true perfection.

Chapter Text

Tonio stubbed his toe, and began screaming. 

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Manure manure manure manure manure manure manure manure manure! Buck buck buck, buck you, buck him, buck her, buck everypony! Celestia Luna Cadance Thorax TWILIGHT MOTHERBUCKING SPARKLE! SWEEEEET BABY FLURRY HEART!" 

He began to pound a closed fist on the coffee table he'd stubbed his toe on while screaming incoherently, then fell to his knees. "This hive of pain will be my sweet, sweet end...sweet release from the torture of cyberbullies and trolls...sweet release..."

Suddenly, Tonio stood up and made a grand gesture toward Prima, Dex, and Avanna, who were all standing totally still and watching in utter fascination. "You pony hating fucks can kick me out of the house now. Good fucking riddance. You got your confession out of me!" With tears in his eyes, Tonio pointed toward the front door. "Now go!"

Just then, Daina entered the room from the hallway with an extremely bewildered expression to ask, "What the fuck is happening?"

Chapter Text

Gakupo was staring into the sunset, a brooding look on his face. Kaito came over and sat beside him, concerned.

"What's wrong, Gack?"

Gakupo sighed and clenched his fist. "Megurine Luka fucked my wife."

"Oh..." Kaito shifted uncomfortably, clearly not expecting that. "I'm...sorry?"

"Lily fucked my wife too," Gakupo rambled, "and so did Gumi, and Chika, and Flower! All the women that I know fucked my wife!!!" He threw his hands in the air, exasperated.

Kaito tilted his head in confusion. "But...you aren't married?"

Gakupo huffed and crossed his arms. "I know. That's why I'm so pissed off that they fucked my wife."

"But she doesn't exist!"

"Exactly!" Gakupo sobbed. "They can even get nonexistent pussy, and I can't do that!"

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"I don't just go after any guy I see, you know." Len crossed his arms and smirked as he spoke to Rin. "I'm a man with very high standards."

Just then, Fukase approached him from behind and wrung an arm around him. "Yo, Len, you wanna help me eat this giant gummy bear I ordered online?"

"WOULD I?" Len grinned, blushing slightly as he grabbed Fukase's hand and ran off with him, leaving Rin alone.

Rin sighed and shook her head. "Maybe if I wasn't a lesbian, I could see why Len somehow has the hots for Fukase so bad..."

Chapter Text

"This," Gakupo proclaimed proudly, "is my gamer lair."

The "lair" turned out to be a shitty-looking room with peeling wallpaper and a single gaming PC on a desk. Rin and Len fidgeted uncomfortably as they looked around the room for any sign of a man with his life at least somewhat put together. They found none.

"And...what exactly is the point of all this?" Rin asked.

"To demand respect!" said Gakupo, grinning smugly. Then, his shoulders slumped, his expression taking a more pathetic turn. "Unfortunately, as a gamer, I don't get many respect."

Len sighed, not feeling a single pang of sympathy in his heart. "Well, maybe people would respect you more if you weren't...this."

Gakupo paused, seemingly taking Len's words into consideration. Then, with a shake of his head, he murmured, "Stop being such a beta cuck. That's the difference between you and I, Kagamine Len. I'm an alpha gamer." He turned to his PC and began booting up Fortnite. "Anyway, where we droppin', boys?"

Chapter Text

Kagamine Len was playing Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) when he received a text from his sister.

len for the love of god please help me

?????

my gf keeps singing sweet dreams by eurythmics but she's putting all the lyrics in the wrong order

I'm on my way

"Some of them want to abuse you.

Who am I to disagree?

Sweet dreams are made of these,

Some of them want to be used by you."

Len entered Nekomura Iroha's home to find her singing passionately to Rin, who was cowering in the corner.

"You have to do something," she quietly pleaded.

Iroha paused. Len looked between her and Rin, then sang, "I travel the world and the seven seas..."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Chapter Text

Luka woke up with Chika's thin, soft arms holding her. She turned her head to see Chika's eyes still closed, her lips parted slightly.

Luka lowered her head and kissed her lips. They were different in the mornings. They were absent of her black lipstick, leaving nothing to mask Chika's taste.

Chika mumbled sleepily and opened her eyes partway. "No, Luka...my mouth is revolting in the mornings, I can't make you taste that..."

Luka chuckled and shook her head as she traced a finger along Chika's smooth, soft cheek. "I don't think you could ever be revolting, my lovely."

Chapter Text

"You guys wanna play Mario Party DS?" Lily asked her girlfriends as they were all lounging on the sofa.

Gumi and Cul agreed with enthusiasm, and each grabbed her nearby 3DS as Lily reached for hers and opened it, forgetting that she'd had it open to her 3DS photo gallery.

Gumi gasped and looked away with wide eyes, blushing almost as brightly as Lily, who was immediately sweating bullets. Cul looked over Lily's shoulder, looking more disgusted than ever, and asked, "You took nudes on your 3DS!?"

"I..." Lily mumbled, mortified. "I wanted to know what my butthole looked like..."

Chapter Text

"You fool. You absolute clown. Look at what you've done."

Piko paused, slamming his controller down in confusion. "What did you just call me?"

"A clown." Len muttered, not looking away from the screen. "It's her thing. Don't worry about it."

"But...why??" Piko demanded. "What kind of insult is 'clown,' anyway?!"

"A funny one," Rin replied, "for a funny clown man such as yourself. Now, be quiet, I'm trying to build a house out of glowstone."

Piko shook his head in disbelief, turning to Len for validation. "Can you believe this?"

Len didn't justify him with a glance. "Silence, clown boy."

Chapter Text

Rin, Len, Oliver, and Piko were all playing Minecraft together in Oliver's living room. All of a sudden, Len groaned as a familiar mob popped up onscreen.

"Creeper..." he muttered. Next to him, Rin's smile stretched across her face.

"Aw, man!" she cried, exchanging knowing glances with Oliver and Piko. They returned her smile, giving Len enough time to realize what he had just done.

"Wait, don't!" he warned, but it was too late. Everyone had already started singing.

"So we back in the mine,

Got our pickaxe swingin' from side to side!"

"I hate all of you."

Chapter Text

"Babe..." Lily murmured softly, her lips inches away from Gumi's, "did anyone ever tell you that you're the most epic gamer gf in the world?"

Gumi backed away, the blush fading from her face. "Please don't call me that."

"Why? Are you gonna put me in your epic Fortnite cringe compilation?" Lily asked, snickering softly.

"Lily, I have no idea what Fortnite is. The only games I play are Melee and Street Fighter-"

"What? You play Melee?" Lily had to fight to keep the laughter from escaping her lips. "What are you, some kind of filthy casual?"

Gumi sighed and rolled her eyes, a faint smile creeping onto her face. "That's not what that word means."

"AHA! See? How would you know that if you aren't a true gamer?!" Lily proclaimed, grinning triumphantly. Gumi leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, chuckling ever so slightly.

"Oh, hush," she mumbled, "you're killing the mood."

"Oh, yeah..." Lily looked around sheepishly, observing the pile of clothes on the floor that had just been on them ten minutes ago. "I forgot we were fucking."

Chapter Text

"It was two thousand eleven," Oliver said. "I was sitting by the pond, eating some biscuits. I decided to go for a swim. But, well, there were actually dangerous piranhas in the water. They wounded my eye so badly, I needed to have it taken out. Despite that, though, I still like being by the lake and taking walks on the beach. It's very calming."

Fukase blinked in bewilderment. "That's fuckin' metal, little dude."

Oliver nodded politely. "How did you lose your eye, then?"

"Set the whole left side of me on fire while blowing up marshmallows in the microwave."

Chapter Text

"YEEEEEEHAAAAWWW!!" Lily screamed as she ran out into the living room. Gumi sighed and rubbed her temples at her girlfriend's approach, knowing all too well what was coming.

"Here we go again," she grumbled as Lily began to sing.

"Big ol' butt,

Cowboy slut.

Lookin' at spurs

Makes me nut.

Leather boots,

Assless chaps.

Give my big

Butt a slap."

Gumi groaned as Lily picked her up and spun her around, trying to get her to sing along. She didn't.

"Mmmhmm!! C'mon, y'all!" Lily cheered, sweeping Gumi into a twirl and dipping her until their lips nearly met. "Now you know the cowboy rap!"

Gumi glared up at her, unamused. "Why do you waste your talents?"

Chapter Text

Fukase folded his hands together over his cane. "I'm sure you're wondering why I've gathered you all here."

Arsloid and Cul, the only other people in the room, glanced at each other cluelessly.

"This is Red-Haired Vocaloids With Ass Names Anonymous," Fukase announced. "Let's do introductions. My name's Fukase, but you can call me Fuckass."

Arsloid nodded and smiled politely. "Well, my name is Kano Akira. But I'm known as Arsloid, so...you can call me Arse. Or Ass."

Cul was already turning and leaving. "Fukase, I fucking hate you."

Fukase shrugged. "Tell me something I don't know, French Ass."

Chapter Text

It was another ordinary study hall for Piko, which meant that he was more busy drawing than actually studying. He was tracing artwork of Sonic the Hedgehog, but slightly changing the colors and design to make him look different.

"Hey, loser," some obnoxious kid remarked, leering over Piko's sketchbook, "is that supposed to be your original character? Looks pretty cringe, bro."

Piko opened his mouth to retort, only to be interrupted by Len, who punched the bully in the face with a cry of "go back to your mom's basement, you pathetic virgin." He turned to smile at Piko, who was staring up at him in awe.

"Cringe culture is dead," Len told him, sitting down beside him, "now, tell me about your OC."

Chapter Text

"I really just don't want to do anything today," Fukase sighed, rolling over to face Len, who had already gotten dressed.

Len nodded and crossed his arms. "Is it...just one of those mornings, or...?"

"Yeah. Not up to it." Fukase sadly clung to the pillow. "Sorry, I really wish I could bother to do something."

Len sat on the bed beside him. "Well...I think you might feel better if you do something. Do you wanna play Sonic Riders with me?"

"No..."

"Alright, well...can you shower? Showering usually helps when I have depression fits."

Fukase shrugged and finally sat up. "Yeah, I...I guess I'll try that." He quickly kissed Len on the cheek. "Thanks, Len."

Len was promptly attacked with a pillow to the face.

"When the hell did Fukase get in our house?" Rin demanded from her bed on the other side of the room.

Chapter Text

"For the last fucking time," Cul growled, "it's pronounced like cull! Like in culture!"

Fukase shrugged as he popped open a can of soda. "I just like to think your parents are French and they named you after ass."

"You do have a nice ass," Gumi pointed out.

Cul's exasperation with Fukase was canceled out by being flattered by her girlfriend.

"I swear to Christ," Cul muttered, "if someone pronounces it cool one more time I--"

"Hey!" Lily had entered the room without being noticed by anyone else. "I was wondering where you were, Cool Beans!"

Cul blushed furiously and scrunched up her shoulders. "H...hi, Lily..."

Gumi leaned over to whisper in Fukase's ear, "She's been dating us for two years and this still happens all the time."

Chapter Text

Lily walked up behind Gumi, who was already preparing breakfast by the stove. She greeted her girlfriend by giving her ass a playful smack.

"Buenos dias, babe!" Lily chuckled. She paused when she noticed that Gumi's face was now a bright red.

"Ah!" Gumi moaned, immediately reaching up to cover her mouth. Lily's eyes widened in alarm.

"Oh, um..." She rubbed the back of her neck nervously. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I-"

"No!" Gumi cried, reaching out to grab Lily's wrist. "I mean, uh..." She looked away. "Harder, please?"

Lily blinked, then grinned. "Of course."

Chapter Text

Lily sighed blissfully, pulling her girlfriends close. "Boy, I sure do love being a big ol' lesbian."

"Me too!" Gumi chimed in agreement. "It's such a wonderful day to be a lesbian."

"Indeed," added Luka, "it's great to know that all of us are lesbians."

"And I love being gay!" said Kaito from the other room. "And I love my pan boyfriend, Gakupo!"

"I'm also pan!" cried Miku. "And trans! That rhymes!"

"We're trans, too!" said the Kagamine twins.

"And I'm an ace lesbian," said Meiko, "which brings us full circle!"

Lily blinked. "...How did y'all get in my house?"

Chapter Text

Nekomura Iroha kicked the door open. "I'm a trans lesbian!" she announced, before realizing she lived alone and nobody heard her.

"I'm bisexual," said Fukase. "Or as I call it, biflexual."

Piko (who is gay) lowered his 3DS. "Why?"

Fukase blinked. "I don't know. It was the first word I thought of that rhymes with sex."

Piko nodded and returned his attention to Animal Crossing.

"Cul's lesbian," Fukase added. He started counting on his fingers. "And Rin, and Flower, and Gumi...huh, I know a lot of lesbians."

"They're everywhere these days," Piko calmly replied with a small smile. "Are their girlfriends lesbian, too, or...?"

"Yeah. The only bi girls I know are, like...Miki...?"

"Yeah, Miki's bi," Piko confirmed.

Someone knocked on the door and kicked it open. "Will you stop talking about being gay?" demanded Lily. "It's two in the morning. How do you people keep getting in my house anyway?"

Chapter Text

Gackpo walked downstairs to see a mob of Vocaloids. They had been bickering amongst themselves, but now they quickly hushed.

"What are you all doing in my house?" he asked in bewilderment.

Rin defiantly pointed a finger at Gakupo. "Listen up, bitchhole! You're gonna settle this argument once and for all!"

"We want to know the truth!" Luka shouted.

Flower stepped forward. "Just tell us. How do you spell your name?"

Gackpo smiled. "Oh, is that all? It's spelled 神威がくぽ."

After a thick silence, indistinguishable arguments broke out among the mob again, and Gakupo retreated upstairs.

Chapter Text

Oliver sat on the sidewalk, sniffling and stuffing his 3DS in his pocket. Upon seeing him, Miku's eyes widened in surprise as she sat down beside him.

"Oliver, what's wrong?" she asked, putting an arm around him. Oliver sighed.

"I was playing Kirby on my 3DS, but some big kids saw me playing and made fun of me. They told me that Kirby's for babies and that I shouldn't be playing it." he sniffled, wiping stray tears from his eye.

"I don't think Kirby's for babies! In fact, I like Kirby too!" Miku responded cheerfully, taking her own 3DS out of her pocket. "We can play together if you want!"

Oliver looked up at her in awe before smiling, his tears clearing away. "That sounds like fun!"

Chapter Text

"Flower..." Maika sat up in bed and shielded her eyes from the blinding phone screen. "Don't you have somewhere to be tomorrow morning?"

"Yeah," Flower answered. "Galaco hired me to DJ at some summer party she's throwing."

"Then you should be sleeping!" Maika squinted to read the time on their bedside clock. "It's almost midnight! You can't do your job or have fun if you don't get enough sleep!"

Flower calmly shook her head. "Not until I run out of cat food so that I can restock it right away and let it have the entire night to feed cats."

Chapter Text

"I'm telling you, Sonic would win!" Piko raged, his face growing red with anger. "He's the fastest thing alive! That's canon!"

"It's canon in his universe!" Rin countered. "We don't know if that's true outside of it! In the first Mario game, Mario's running speed is faster than Sonic's, so Mario would win!"

"No he wouldn't!" cried Piko, stomping his foot repeatedly. Angrily, he turned to Len, who was barely paying attention to their conversation. "Len, you're smart! Who would win in a race, Sonic or Mario?"

"Mario is technically the correct choice." Rin whispered.

"No he's not!"

"Yes, he is!"

"Guys, guys," Len sighed, interrupting them, "calm down, alright? They're just video game characters. It's not that big of a deal."

Piko and Rin looked down at the ground, somewhat ashamed. Then, Len smirked, casually moving to go out of the room.

"Besides," he said, "we all know Luigi would win anyway."

He closed the door just as the angry words started to reach him.

Chapter Text

Iroha whined quietly to herself as she stared at her phone screen. Rin inched closer to her and reached an arm across her shoulders. 

"Something wrong?" Rin asked gently.

Iroha sighed. "I promised myself I'd update my Sanrio femslash by the end of the week, and it's already Thursday and I haven't even started the next chapter." She groaned and leaned her head on Rin's shoulder. "I haven't done anything productive at all! And I still don't know how to write this chapter!"

Rin smiled and moved her other arm to hold Iroha's hand. "Well, I don't think that makes you unproductive. Didn't you just update it last week?"

"Yeah, but--"

Iroha squeaked when Rin kissed her blushing cheek.

"Then don't worry about it!" Rin smiled. "Every artist needs to take a break! Do you wanna go out for ice cream?"

Iroha nodded, still too flustered and flattered to properly form words. She put her phone in her pocket and linked arms with Rin as they headed for the ice cream parlor.

Chapter Text

Lily practically kicked down the door as she entered the house, startling Gumi.

"Babe!" Lily cried. "Guess what? Flower just did my nails!" She held up her hands proudly to reveal long, pointed nails that had been painted black. "Pretty cool, right? They look like claws!"

"Wow, that's amazing!" Gumi admired, grabbing one of her girlfriend's hands for a better look. Upon further inspection, however, her face changed to one of concern.

"What's wrong, doll?" Lily asked.

"These nails aren't fake, are they?"

"Uh...no? Flower doesn't use fake nails." Lily sat down next to Gumi, her expression now just as worried. "Why, is something wrong?"

Gumi's face turned bright red. "Oh, um, it's nothing really! Just, um..." She looked away, too embarrassed to look Lily in the eye. "I think we might have to wait a while before we...y'know..."

Lily's eyes widened as Gumi's meaning dawned on her. "...Oh. Fuck, I guess I shoulda thought ahead."

Chapter Text

"Welcome to the family, Ruby!" Sweet Ann cheered.

Ruby grinned. "Thanks! I'm, uh, real honored to be here!"

Oliver waved timidly from the corner. "I'm Oliver," he said.

"And I'm Big Al!" Big Al waved. "But you can just call me--"

Ruby's eyes lit up. "Oh! Big Al! You did the PowerFX rap!"

Oliver and Yohio turned and stared in confusion. "The what?" Yohio asked as Big Al started sweating.

"Yeah, you know!" Ruby began clapping her hands to the beat. "PowerFX! PowerFX...PowerFX! PowerFX--"

Sweet Ann clamped a hand over her mouth. "We don't speak of that," she whispered.

Chapter Text

“Prepare yourselves, foolish mortals...” Yuki murmured as she gazed into the mirror. “Soon, you will feel my burning wrath, and then-”

“Who are you talking to?” Ryuto interrupted. Yuki groaned.

“No one. I’m just thinking about how the human race will crumble to my incredible power.”

Ryuto’s eyes widened. “You have powers?”

“Of course! I am an eldritch demon whose dark magic knows no bounds!”

“Then show me!” Ryuto clapped his hands in excitement.

Yuki scoffed. “Don’t be foolish. I cannot change form when I am trapped in this mortal body.”

Ryuto blinked, then smirked. “You’re faking it.”

“AM NOT!”

Chapter Text

"Flower!"

Flower was eating some noodles when she heard Hime call her name. She turned to see them running toward her with a scrap of paper in their hands.

"Look!" Hime held up a crayon drawing of three stick figures holding hands with little musical notes around them. "That's you, me, and Mikoto! We're singing together!"

Flower nodded and gently took the paper. "Thanks, Hime. I'll put it on my wall."

Hime squealed in delight before running back the way they'd come.

Mikoto was singing to themself as they arranged a bouquet.

"Hi, Mikoto."

Mikoto yelped and spun around to see Flower at the doorway, then relaxed and pretended like they hadn't been startled. "Hi, Flower."

"Your singing sounds really nice." Flower gave a small smile before turning to leave. "Your bouquet looks pretty, too."

Mikoto tried and failed to hide their brightly blushing face. "Th-thanks..." They couldn't help smiling at their idol's approval.

Chapter Text

Gumi ran into Lily's arms, excitement racing through her veins.

"Whoa, babe, what's goin' on?" Lily asked with a small chuckle.

"I did great on my finals!" Gumi cheered, flapping her hands. "I was so worried I would fail, especially because History is my hardest class, but I did really well!!! Better than I ever thought I would!"

"That's great!" Lily congratulated, giving her girlfriend a kiss on the lips. "I did amazing on my finals, too! We should celebrate!"

Gumi nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! Wanna go out for ice cream?"

"You know it, sweetheart!"

They walked out, hand-in-hand.

Chapter Text

"Ugh," Piko sighed. "Len, does the house ever stink up while you're vacuuming?"

"Well," Len said, "the vacuum does have kind of a funny smell, but I usually don't vacuum, so I'm not an expert or anything."

"Huh?" Piko's ahoge bounced to emphasize his bewilderment. "But your house is always so nice when I come over!"

Len shrugged. "Fukase always vacuums and does the laundry. I only handle, like...the bathroom and the dishes."

Piko didn't hear the second part of Len's sentence because he was busy recovering from the mere concept of Fukase being able to clean a house.

Chapter Text

"Oh, Lily," Gumi cried, "you're so strong and handsome!"

"Damn right," Lily replied with a smirk, "but I'm nothin' compared to you, dollface."

Gumi blushed and practically swooned into Lily's arms. "D-don't say that! You're perfect!"

Lily cupped her girlfriend's face and tilted her head up until their lips were inches apart. "Yeah? Well, looks ain't the only thing I'm perfect at, y'know."

The two of them leaned in, mere moments away from a passionate makeout session, when a sudden voice from nearby interrupted them.

"Oh my god, there's children here!" Meiko scolded, forcing the two of them apart. "It's great that you love each other, but can you please try not to be horny in front of the kids??"

Gumi and Lily felt their faces heat up even more upon realizing that they were indeed being watched by the others in the room. Miku's eyes were being covered by Luka, Len was trying to focus on eating his food instead of looking at the couple, and Rin seemed disappointed at Meiko's intervention. Kaito was smacking a chuckling Gakupo on the shoulder, whispering, "Gack, don't be rude!"

Slowly, the girlfriends pulled apart with a couple of awkward coughs and turned back to their dinner. They were grateful to Meiko for inviting them over, but if they wanted to stay and enjoy her cooking, they had to be less horny on main.

Chapter Text

Ruby had decided to meet Daina one-on-one at a nearby coffee shop to get to know her better.

"It's nice to see you!" Ruby greeted her.

Daina smiled. "Yeah, same! I like your outfit!"

"Thanks!"

Daina then lifted her leg up at an inhuman angle to scratch her fox ears with her boot. "So, what's new?"

Ruby's eye twitched as she watched in utter disbelief. "Uh...not...much..."

"Yeah, I get it." Daina proceeded to lick her boot. "No concerts or anything. People like Miku always get all the fun, huh?"

Ruby could not process any of this.

Chapter Text

Rin knocked on Iroha’s bedroom door. “Babe? You okay in there?”

Iroha didn’t even look away from her computer screen. “Yeah, hold on. I’m almost done with this Toontask.”

Rin sighed and invited herself into the room, completely disregarding common courtesy. “You’ve been playing that game all day. Don’t you think you should take a break?”

“No!” Iroha cried. “I’m just about to get a Laff boost!”

Rin folded her arms and crept behind her girlfriend. “Then you leave me no choice...” Without warning, she wrapped her arms around Iroha and covered her face in kisses. Iroha screamed with laughter, swatting Rin away.

“Noooo! That’s not fair!” she protested, though she didn’t make an effort to resist. “Rinny, please! I’m just about to finish this!”

“But isn’t this way more fun?” Rin asked, planting a kiss on Iroha’s nose.

Iroha grumbled something, but couldn’t hide the smile on her face. She had to admit, Rin was right.

Chapter Text

Piko cracked open a pistachio nut and popped it in his mouth. "Oh, these are good." He held the glass bowl out to Fukase and Len. "You want any?"

Fukase and Len nodded and grinned.

"Thanks, Piko!" Len gladly helped himself to a handful.

"Yeah, I love these!" Fukase also grabbed a few pistachios, and immediately stuffed them in his mouth, gleefully crunching his teeth down on the shells. Len didn't acknowledge this as he ate his own pistachios like a normal person.

Piko's eye twitched as he slowly pulled the bowl back and muttered to himself, "What the fuck...?"

Chapter Text

“Well, isn’t that just inches resting!” Miku said. Gumi chuckled.

“‘What does that mean?”

“Oh, it’s just another way of saying ‘interesting!’”

Gumi shook her head and began typing at her phone. “Adding that to the list of weird things you’ve said.”

Miku laughed. “What else do you have on there?”

“Hm, let’s see...” Gumi scrolled through the list. “‘Keep the clown noses rolling,’ ‘what’s poppin’ in Madison, Wisconsin,’ ‘time to unstick my thighs and say goodbye...’”

“Wow, I do say lots of weird stuff!”

“But that’s why I love you!” Gumi replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Chapter Text

Fukase, Len, and Piko were playing Minecraft together when Fukase started singing.

"United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru..."

Len grinned and joined in.

"Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribian, Greenland, El Salvador, too! Puerrrto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still...Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil! Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tabago, San Juan! Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname and French Guiana, Barbados, and Guaaaaaaaaam!"

Fukase kept going, but Len paused to turn to Piko. "Come on, sing along!"

Piko, with wide, teary eyes, shook his head in shame.

「英語がわかりません。」

Chapter Text

Yuuma was chilling underneath a staircase next to the school library and watching YouTube on his phone. Mizki, who just happened to be walking by, spotted his legs in her peripheral vision and went to investigate.

"Sup?" Yuuma said, barely looking away from his video. Mizki tilted her head in confusion.

[What are you doing?] she signed. Yuuma shrugged.

"I don't have finals until third period and the library isn't open yet, so I thought I'd chill down here." he replied. "Wanna join?"

Mizki blinked, looking back toward the library. [Won't we get in trouble?]

"Probably."

Mizki sighed, but smiled as she sat down beside him.

Chapter Text

"Ahh, nothin' like a nice trip to the beach!" Rin said with a stretch. "C'mon, guys, let's get goin'!"

Len and Miku came out of the car and followed behind her, both wearing bathing suits. "I have to admit, I'm kinda scared," Miku said, "I don't really like the water, but you guys will be swimming, so I don't know what I can do in the meantime..."

Len patted her arm reassuringly. "Don't worry, Meeks. There's plenty of stuff you can do, like-"

"Count how many grains of sand are here!" Rin interrupted with a laugh. Miku, completely misunderstanding the joke, brightened considerably.

"Good thinking!" she said, stooping down to get to work. "One, two, three, four..."

Len made to stop her, only to be halted by Rin, who held up her hand. "Wait, let her keep going."

Len groaned. "But why? It's going to be so annoying!"

Rin giggled. "Yeah, but I wanna see what the highest number she can count to is."

"Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three..."

Len frowned at his sister. "You're a cruel bitch."

Rin shrugged. "That's fair."

"Thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two..."

Chapter Text

Gumi and Cul's phones buzzed at the same time while they were playing Super Smash Bros. Lily grinned as they both checked their messages.

whats poppin in that peppermint 🍬🔴⚪ pussy 🐱💦 u little snowhoe ❄👅👀🎄 DICKCEMBER🎄 is here 🚨🍆🍒 and the only way to stay warm is to ride daddy's christmAss tree 🎄🍑✔ all month long until his SAP comes out 🍻👅💦💯 but dont forget ❌❌ to lick off any syrup 👅🍯 from daddy's HARD candy cane 🍭😩 if u want to get RAWED 🚼🍆😩😏 under the mistleHOE 🌿 then send this to 2⃣5⃣ of your thickest elves 💁🙋🍒 if u get 0⃣ back 😔 then ur an UGLY GRINCH 😷😴 if u get back 1⃣0⃣😊 ur a BAD JINGLE BELL BITCH🔥🙌 If u get back 2⃣0⃣ 😏 then get ready for daddy Claus and st DICKolas on christmAss eve 🎄❗🎄 SHARE in 6⃣9⃣😉💦 seconds or you wont end 2017❗ with a BANG 😩💦💥

Gumi and Cul both gazed at Lily, dumbfounded.

"It's June," Gumi deadpanned.

"It's twenty nineteen," Cul added.

Chapter Text

Gumi frowned at the message in her inbox.

fucking clown ass hole. your sneezing is too loud. ass hole.

"Lily," she said, "why do you insist on sending me anon hate when it's blatantly obvious that it's you?"

Lily feigned offense. "Whaaaat? What makes you think it's me?"

"Because it says my sneezing is too loud," Gumi replied dryly, "and you said that to me yesterday."

Lily stuck out her tongue. "I have no idea what you mean. Maybe it was somebody who heard your loud-ass sneezes."

Gumi rolled her eyes and pecked her girlfriend on the cheek. "Nice try."

Chapter Text

"Hey, Maika?" Flower called into the house. "Did you eat dinner already?"

There was no response, and when Flower stepped into the living room, she knew why. Scattered notebooks and a laptop open to a bubbles screensaver surrounded Maika, who was sprawled out on the sofa with her unkempt white hair fallen over her sleeping face.

Flower sighed through a smile. "You didn't get some sleep like I told you to...oh, well. Now you have no choice."

She scooped up Maika in her arms to carry her to their bedroom so that she could change her into her pajamas.

Chapter Text

Lily ran across the sands of the beach, her arms outstretched. "Luka!" she cried as she approached her girlfriend, who was running toward her from the opposite direction.

"Lily!" Luka said fondly, her arms also spread in the same position.

"Luka!"

"Lily..." Luka growled, her expression turning darker.

"Luka...?" Lily asked, confusion and unease pooling in her stomach.

"LILY!" Luka suddenly yelled, charging toward her at full force. Lily screamed and ran away as fast as her legs could carry her. In hindsight, she figured as she fled, she probably should have told Luka where she had gone before leaving.

Chapter Text

"I may have won the Super Smash Brothers Ultimate tournament," Yuzuki Yukari sighed as she stroked her golden trophy, "but have I won the joy of being with my long-lost lover?"

Kizuna Akari tugged on her sleeve. "Didn't you just talk to Gumi yesterday?"

"I miss her!" Yukari cried, tightly hugging her trophy. "I've never been without her for so long--"

"Twenty hours?"

"--I knew I wanted to go to this gamer convention, and I know this is where I'm meant to be, but at what cost?" Yukari fell to her knees and wailed to the sky. "At what cost!?"

Chapter Text

"I don't get it," Rin said, "why make an account on Toontown Rewritten AND Corporate Clash? Aren't they, like, the same game?"

Iroha shook her head. "No, they're different! Corporate Clash has more animals, an extra playground, a whole new Cog type, and way better graphics! It's superior in almost every way!"

"If it's superior, then why did you make a Rewritten account first?" Rin asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.

Iroha shrugged dismissively. "I was a blind fool. I now know the proper way. Now, help me pick an animal." She pointed at the screen. "They added a lot of new ones, and I can't decide who I wanna be."

Rin leaned in to get a closer look. "Why not just be a cat again? That's what you are in TTR."

Iroha gasped and looked offended. "Don't be silly! What's the fun in being the same Toon in two different games??"

Rin laughed and kissed her girlfriend on the head. "Oh, alrighty. You should be a raccoon, they look like rad lil' thief dudes."

Iroha hummed in thought. "Are you sure? The raccoons are cool, but I also like the foxes...then again, the beavers have cute little teeth, but the bats have fangs, which are pretty neat..."

Rin smiled to herself. This was probably going to take a long time, but she didn't mind. She liked seeing Iroha get all excited.

Chapter Text

It was ten at night, and Miku had been sobbing into the blanket that Gumi had given to her for about thirty minutes now.

"It had a happy ending, didn't it?" Gumi asked softly and patiently as she stroked Miku's back.

"I know..." Miku sniffled. "But...you...you don't get it! I don't know if...I'll ever forget the sight of Yakko crying as Dot died in his arms..." Merely speaking of it made Miku shake with anguish again as she clung to Gumi.

"But that was an act," Gumi reminded her, "so that Yakko and Dot could buy time for Wakko to get to the star."

"I know! But the way they..." Miku coughed and took a shuddering breath. "And remember when...when Wakko spent an entire year doing child labor and he only got a half penny...and then, and then he was robbed of it right away...and then he...he blamed himself for not earning enough for Dot's operation...!" Miku cried out in sorrow as she held on to Gumi tighter. "He's eleven, Gumi! He's just a baby! No child should ever go through something that sad..."

Gumi sighed, not out of exasperation, but out of love and appreciation for everything about Miku. She gently ran her fingers through Miku's hair. "Well, it's okay now...they're safe, they're happy, and we are, too."

Chapter Text

Rin giggled as she slipped her wallet in her pocket. "I, uh..." She grinned with pride. "I have sixty-nine dollars."

Len rolled his eyes and continued reading.

"Oh, and look!" Rin pointed. "You're on page sixty-nine."

Rin felt someone tap her shoulder, and turned around to see Fukase, who was just as pleased.

"Nice," he said.

Rin clung to Len's arm. "When did you get here?"

Fukase tapped his chin. "About sixty-nine seconds ago."

"Nice," Len said softly.

Rin glared at him. "Oh, what, so he can make sixty-nine jokes?"

Len shrugged. "He has boyfriend privileges."

Chapter Text

"Wow, Lily," Gumi said as she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's waist. "I can't believe Pride Month is tomorrow!"

"That's right, Gumi, my girlfriend who I love and adore with all my heart and soul!" Lily confirmed. "And guess what? I hear something special is supposed to happen!"

"Well, gosh golly gee, dearest! Tell me more!" Gumi looked into the camera like in the Office.

"You got it, my lovely darling sugarplum!" Lily followed her gaze and pointed directly at you, the reader. "Tomorrow, the author of this chapter is going to drop a sequel to her Pride Month fic from last year, starring us!"

Gumi gasped and swooned into Lily's arms. "Oh, my! Tell me more, my love!"

"Well, it's a thirty-chapter long fic that will update every day of the month with a new short story based on a prompt!" Lily explained, still looking you dead in the eye. "And of course, it's gonna be really gay!"

"Oh, Lily, I love you! Let's make out!"

"Don't mind if I do!"

The girlfriends then proceeded to kiss passionately to the point of having to end this chapter early for the sake of maintaining a T rating.

Please read my Pride Month fic.

Chapter Text

"Rin, can I ask you for some advice?" Len called from the bedroom that he shared with his sister. Rin got off of the living room couch and went to go investigate.

"What is it, dude?" she asked with a yawn.

"Well, Piko wanted me to cosplay with him at this convention, but..." Len turned to face Rin, who had opened the door to look at him. "I don't know if this is really my thing."

Rin stood, frozen in horror, as she stared at her brother. He was wearing white facepaint and a blue hoodie.

"Oh fuck," she murmured.

Chapter Text

"Hey, guys." Rin addressed Miku and Len. "What's your favorite video game? Mine's Ultra Street Fighter Four. Or maybe Sonic Mania."

"Animal Crossing New Leaf!" Miku shouted, then relaxed and tapped her cheek. "Or maybe Kirby...I like Rainbow Curse and Planet Robobot..." She turned to Len, who looked very pensive. "What about you, Len?"

Len nodded and cleared his throat before saying, "My favorite game ever? Of all time? It's Beat 'Em and Eat 'Em for the Atari 2600."

"What!?" Miku and Rin recoiled in shock.

Len shook his head. "Nah, I'm kidding. It's Sonic '06."

"WHAT!?"

Chapter Text

Meiko was walking down the street, minding her own business like a normal fucking person. All of a sudden, some random, gross-looking dude started yelling at her.

"Hey, slut! How much for one night?!" he called. "With a body like that, you must be expensive!"

Meiko immediately made a beeline in the man's direction and kicked him square in the face. Even when he was down, she continued to beat the shit out of him.

"Hey, Meiko!" said Miku, who just happened to be walking by. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Beating up this subhuman creature," Meiko replied, not even looking up. "Wanna join?"

"You bet!" said Miku. Without a moment's hesitation, she joined her friend in kicking the everloving fuck out of the waste of space that dared to catcall Meiko.

Chapter Text

Rin and Len had a box full of Nintendo DS games, and they'd invited Piko to sift through them.

"We only ever play, like, seven of these," Len told him. "So you can probably just keep some of 'em if you want."

Rin nodded. "Yeah. Just keep your hands off of Sonic Chronicles."

Piko shrugged. "I have that game anyway. There's this one game I've heard about that came out, like, ten years ago, and I heard it sucks but I'm kind of morbidly curious."

"Do you know the name?" Len asked.

"Yeah, it might be one of these games...it's called Catherine?"

Rin and Len exchanged a baffled look.

"Catherine," said Len carefully, "isn't on the DS."

Piko froze. "What?"

"It's for the PlayStation 3," said Rin. "And the Xbox. It's not even on Nintendo consoles, Piko."

Piko lowered his gaze, his eyes wide with shock. "What...?"

Chapter Text

Lily was in the middle of a laughing fit that had been going on for the past ten minutes. "Dude," she wheezed, "I can't believe you thought Catherine was for the Nintendo DS!"

Gumi blushed and grumbled, "Why do you insist on telling everyone, anyway?"

"Because it's fuckin' wack!" Lily responded, already in the process of texting the information to everybody in her contacts. "Like, why would Nintendo approve of a game like that, anyway?"

"I don't know!!! They had Conker's Bad Fur Day, so they're obviously not that opposed to M-rated games!"

"Whatever," Lily chuckled, "I can't wait for everyone to bully you for this."

At that moment, an idea formed in Gumi's head. She pulled out her own phone and began typing away. Lily turned to her, confused.

"What are you doin' now, babe?"

"Oh, nothing," Gumi said innocently, "just telling everyone that you thought Boku no Pico was an ordinary slice of life anime until last month."

Lily's face paled. "You wouldn't dare..."

"And that you wrote embarrassing Hunger Games song parodies when you were 11."

"No!"

"And that you never played Club Penguin."

"NOOOOO-"

Chapter Text

"Nee, Avanna-chan," Sonika called. "Anata no kami ga daisuki da yo."

"Arigatou!" Avanna smiled. "Kyou wa kirei desu."

"Sou," Sonika agreed. "Watashi thinks...watashitachi should head out."

"Hai, hai!" Avanna nodded. "Soshite...tabun, Daina-chan can come!"

"Watashi thinks sore wa totemo smart idea desu. Ano...Daina-chan wa dare desu ka?"

Avanna shrugged. "Eto...watashi thinks kanojo no heya ni desu."

The door down the hall was thrown open, and Daina stormed down the hall. "Why the fuck are you guys speaking in, like...incorrect gratuitous Japanese?"

Sonika sighed. "Watashitachi lost a bet."

Daina turned to see Dex snickering victoriously in the corner.

Chapter Text

Gakupo and Kaito were lying on the grass, staring at the stars. They weren't doing much except pointing out constellations and talking about their future together. All was going well on this quiet, romantic night until Kaito turned his head to ask Gakupo the most important question of their lives.

"Hey, um..." he began, "did you ever think Bugs Bunny was attractive when he dressed up as a girl bunny?"

Gakupo blinked in confusion, then began to laugh. "What? No!" He continued to laugh, wheezing as tears fell from his eyes.

"Oh," Kaito said, fidgeting slightly. "Uh, yeah, me neither."

Chapter Text

Daina checked the soil on a few pots of daisies. "Oof," she observed, feeling the dryness. "These are some thirsty hoes."

"Daina," Avanna said in complete exasperation, "you have to stop calling them thirsty hoes."

"Why? They're thirsty hoes, they need water."

Avanna picked up a potted tulip and held it protectively close as she glared at Daina. "They're sensitive."

"Okay, fine." Daina paused as Avanna expertly watered the daisies. Daina then checked the soil on the next flowers. "These ones are dry bitches."

"No! Stop being mean! Just say they're thirsty!"

"I did."

"You know what I mean, Daina!"

Chapter Text

"Oh, hey," Iroha remarked as she sorted through her old things, "I found this old Warrior Cats guidebook I used to read when I was little."

"Warrior Cats?" Rin asked, raising an eyebrow. "Isn't that the book series about the cats who live in the forest or whatever?"

"Yeah, I was obsessed with it when I was a kid," Iroha explained, a nostalgic smile on her face. "But I grew out of it eventually. It's kinda poorly written, now that I look back on it."

Rin scoffed, waving her hand. "If you don't want any of those old cat books, you can just give 'em to me. Cats are lame, but these books sound interesting, and I've always wanted to read 'em."

Iroha fidgeted uncertainly. "Are you sure? Once you start reading, they can be hard to put down. I don't want to put you through all the drama."

"Trust me, babe, I'm not the type of person who gets obsessed with books. There's no way I'll get that invested in some stupid cats."

Three weeks later, Rin was frantically scanning the pages of Warriors: Forest of Secrets, tears running down her face.

"Can you believe this shit?!" she sobbed. "Poor Graystripe! It's okay, baby! I know you loved her!"

"I told you so," Iroha mumbled next to her.

Chapter Text

"For the last time, Kaito," Rin sighed while playing some puzzle game on her phone, "Ness is not Sans."

"Did you even watch the video? It makes perfect sense!" Kaito crossed his arms. "And listen, you know what I think? Every character in Undertale is a version of a character from Earthbound."

"Jesus Christ." Rin had to take a second to text Len about this bullshit.

"Okay, if Ness is Sans...Ness doesn't have a brother. He has a sister, but I'm not sure Papyrus could be Tracy. Unless..."

Rin didn't bother listening. She just shook her head in disappointment.

Chapter Text

Chika sighed as she fussed over what outfit she was going to wear. "I think this dress really goes with the weather outside today, but I do believe there is a slight chance of rain, and I wouldn't dare to get it wet..." She gasped suddenly. "What if I get my makeup wet, too?! I'd be a complete and utter mess!"

Luka silenced her with a kiss. "No matter what happens, my lovely, you will always be beautiful, with or without makeup."

Chika blushed furiously, but she wouldn't release Luka's hand. Maybe, she thought, she would skip the makeup today.

Chapter Text

Iroha had never kissed a girl in her life.

Rin knew this. But still, when she wrapped her arms around Iroha, she closed her eyes and leaned in.

Iroha accepted it and pressed her lips against Rin's. They stood there in each other's embrace. Rin was so warm, and her kiss felt so welcoming. Iroha hoped her lip balm that she'd applied that morning was enough to make everything just as pleasant for Rin.

Finally, they parted, with the imprint of Rin's warmth lingering on Iroha's lips. Iroha said nothing, waiting to see what Rin thought of their first kiss.

Iroha didn't ask, but Rin answered, "I love you," and then Iroha knew that everything was alright.

Chapter Text

The first time they snuggled, Flower was surprised at the heat that Maika seemed to radiate.

"Your arms are so warm," she commented, trailing a finger down her girlfriend's neck. "It's very cozy. I like it."

Maika smiled and kissed Flower's forehead. "And you're nice and cold!! It's so refreshing!"

"Yeah, but that's only because your house is cold. You're better for snuggling."

Maika shrugged and kissed her again, this time on the lips. "That's not true! You're way better at snuggling than I am!"

Flower couldn't stop herself from smiling as she pulled Maika closer. "Whatever. You're still warmer."

Chapter Text

Moke and Piko were in the middle of a showdown. They stood facing each other in a small clearing, one of the few open areas on the heavily forested island. They were just about to charge at each other when Piko's phone rang.

Piko, recognizing the number, put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"It would seem that you bitches have come to a standstill in Tarzan's forest," Fukase's voice announced over the phone. "You have thirteen seconds before the island fucking explodes, you Hot Topic wannabe and you blue gumball son of a bitch. You have done nothing but destroy my life. I hope you both die."

And with that, he hung up, leaving Moke to stare at Piko in bewilderment.

"Hot Topic?"

"Oh, no! My secret!" Piko cried, Naruto running away before anything more could be said. Then, they both died because the island exploded.

Chapter Text

Fukase smirked into the selfie camera of his phone. On his screen, he could see Cul lying on the couch a few feet behind him, reading a book or something, probably not even noticing Fukase was in the room, and definitely not noticing he was aiming a pistol at the ceiling.

He fired, and Cul nearly fell off the couch. She whipped her head around to glare at Fukase, who was already fighting to keep down laughter.

She screamed, "This is why Mom doesn't FUCKING love you!"

Chapter Text

"Oh my god," Rin announced, "the name 'Mario Mario' is the prequel to 'Sans Undertale.'"

Len looked up from his book just to stare at his sister. "I am begging, pleading you to never say that again."

Chapter Text

Gumi and Lily stared at the computer screen with wide eyes as the Nintendo Direct came to a conclusion. They had been sitting there like that, their mouths hanging open in astonishment, ever since The Announcement was made.

It was Gumi who broke the silence. "Sans is in Smash??"

"Sans is in Smash." Lily nodded, a smile starting to creep onto her face.

Gumi shook her head, still reeling from the information she had just absorbed. "Sans is in Smash."

"Sans is in Smash!" Lily pumped her fist in the air with a triumphant cry.

"Sans is in Smash..." Gumi mumbled, shaking her head.

"SANS IS IN SMASH!!!" Lily pulled out her phone and immediately began texting her friends. She was interrupted by Ryuto, who practically kicked the door open.

"SANS IS IN SMASH!" he cried, mirroring Lily's excitement.

"SANS IS IN SMASH!!"

Gumi ignored them, gazing blankly at the screen in complete and utter disbelief. "Sans is in Smash."

Chapter Text

Flower and Maika were hanging out with Lily and Gumi, though they weren't saying much to each other. To break the silence, Flower dug into her pocket and pulled out her phone.

"Do you guys mind if I play some music?" she asked. The rest of the group shrugged, and Flower took that as approval.

When the first song came on, something stirred inside Lily. Automatically, she began to sing along.

"Bones shatter,

Fall apart and hit the floor!

If it doesn't thrill you, it doesn't matter anymore!

Bones shatter!

Baby, don't go out this time!"

Flower's eyes widened, and she too began to sing with Lily.

"No matter

Where you've been or who you are,

If it doesn't kill you, it's sure to leave a horrible scar!"

Gumi groaned and buried her face in her hands. Maika, who was used to Flower's emo music by now, looked at Gumi in confusion.

"What's wrong?"

As their girlfriends continued singing, Gumi looked Maika dead in the eyes. "She first heard this song in a Warrior Cats AMV."

Chapter Text

Rin and Len were lying on the couch together, gossiping about their classmates. Len, for the most part, seemed disinterested, but he was at least making an effort to listen.

"Yo, who do you think is the hottest girl in school?" Rin asked, bouncing in her seat.

"The Epcot Ball." Len replied dryly. Rin completely ignored him, continuing to prattle on.

"Well, I really like Miku," she said, "and not just because she's pretty. I think she's really funny and-"

But Len wasn't listening anymore. Instead, his mind had drifted over to Disney World.

Epcot... he thought longingly.

Chapter Text

Rin was talking to her mother on the phone.

"Do you remember that time you stole my credit card to buy some video game console?" Rin's mother chuckled.

Rin tensed up, and she felt herself blushing furiously. "Uh..."

"What was it? The Dreamcast? You know, I only just found out how obsolete it is these days, from talking to my coworkers. Because they know more about that stuff than I do, you know. What a waste of money, huh?"

"I-I don't remember that," Rin stammered.

Her mother paused. "Ohh...you know, I think I'm thinking of your brother. You had no part in it, that's right."

Rin nodded. "Yeah...yeah."

Later, when Rin was playing Sonic Colors for the Nintendo DS by herself, she got some texts from Len.

YOU

YOU TOLD MOM THAT I STOLE HER CREDIT CARD WHEN WE WRRE KIDS????

yeah

bc u did

RIN

IT HAS BEEN OVER 10 YEARS WHY WOULD YOU LIE ABOUT IT

i wasnt lying

kagamine len stole mom's credit card, technically

if u really think about it

JUST BRCAUSE YOU HAD MY NAME DOESNT MEAN IT WAS ME

YOU WERE STILL RIN

that's very validating uwu

SYOP

STOP

WHY.

MOM SPENT LIKE 20 MINUTES TELLING ME WHAT A FUCKING SNEAK I WAS

why did you not just tell her that i did it

SHE ALWAYS BELIEVES YOU OVER ME I'M NOT GONNA HAVE MOM TRACK ME DOWN TO KICK MY ASS OVER TH DREAMCAST INCIDENT

YOU CANT PRETEND YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT JUST BC YOU WERE STILL IN THE CLOSET

THIS IS THE LAST FUCKONG STRAAW

i can totally pretend i had nothing to do with it hee hee

after all kagamine len did it not me

IM

I AM DISOWN8NG YOU

YOU'RE DEaAD TO ME YOU FUCKING SNAKE

pwease.......

I AM AN ONLY CHILD

AND YOU'RE DEAD TO ME

but i still have your copy of sonic chronicles the dark brotherhood

About thirty minutes passed before Rin received a reply.

after some careful consideration and self-reflection I have concluded that I was wrong to take out my frustration on someone so dear to me. I humbly apologize and no longer consider you disowned or dead to me. thank you, if you choose to forgive me.

np loser

Chapter Text

Sachiko was drinking her morning coffee when she received a text from Meiko.

HAPOY BIRTHDAGA MOM IM GETTING LIT FOR THE BOTH OF US WOO YOURREN 65 YAS HOE ILYSM

only bad bitches make it to 65 real talk

Sachiko sighed and shook her head in disappointment before replying.

Meiko Sakine you are a disgrace.

Chapter Text

Kaito was just chilling, playing Cookie Run on his phone, when he received a text message from Gakupo. Eagerly, he opened it up to see a VERY explicit image. Below it were the following words:

oh mine god, i accidentally hath sent thou a picture of mine cock and balls...prithee delete it!! 'Lest...thou desire to look? haha I jest, delete it...should thee crave... haha nay, banish it...'lest?

Kaito sighed and texted back, Gack, we both know you didnt send this on accident. I literally sent you mine a few minutes ago.

A few minutes passed before Gakupo replied, whatever asshole, mine's still bigger.

Kaito rolled his eyes affectionately. He loved his boyfriend, but sometimes he was quite the chaotic dumbass.

Chapter Text

"They...they took my teeth, Rin," Len sobbed, clinging to his sister's arm. "They took my fucking teeth."

"I know," Rin said, stroking his back in another attempt to comfort him. Unfortunately, this caused Len to shriek.

"There's a bug! On my back! There's bugs!"

"No, Len, it's just me."

"You're...bugs?"

Before Rin could answer, there was a knock on the door. She gave Len a quick hug before getting up from the couch to open it. It was none other than Fukase.

"Hey, fuckass," Rin greeted him. "Len's on the couch. He just got his wisdom teeth pulled yesterday, so he's still..."

"Oh my god." Len pointed at Fukase. "It's Knuckles! Rin, is that Knuckles?"

"Like that," Rin finished.

Fukase laughed a little to himself as he approached Len. "I'm your boyfriend."

"Knuckles is my boyfriend?"

Chapter Text

Cul was extremely disappointed when she came to Rin's house and saw Fukase there, hanging out with Len.

"What?" asked Fukase, seeing Cul's displeased expression. "Can't you see Len and I are having a Family Guy Yaoi Moment?"

Cul proceeded to strangle him.

Chapter Text

"Check it out, guys!" Piko proclaimed proudly, gesturing to the old machine behind him. "It's SegaSonic Popcorn Shop!"

Rin looked unimpressed, but Len, always interested in what his boyfriend had to say, beamed enthusiastically. "Hey, that's really cool! What does it do?"

"Well..." Piko pulled out a ¥100 coin and inserted it into the machine. Instantly, the screen came to life, and Sonic, Tails, and Eggman appeared. "You just insert a coin, pick a flavor, and play the game!" Sure enough, below the screen was a bright green crank, which Piko began to turn. Onscreen, Sonic began running on a treadmill, while Eggman chased after him with a comically large hammer.

"Wait, what do you mean 'pick a flavor?'" Rin asked, raising an eyebrow.

Piko gestured with his head to a compartment on the far side of the machine, where a cup was being filled with popcorn kernels. "While you're playing, it makes popcorn for you! Isn't that neat?"

"It sure is! Where did you find it?" Len inquired.

Piko shrugged. "Oh, I stole it from this old, abandoned arcade. It was in surprisingly good condition; all it needed was to be rewired a little, but Gumi was able to help with that."

"Wait a minute," Rin interrupted, "how old is this thing, anyway?"

"Oh, about 26 years." Piko replied. As the game ended, the machine let out a little beeping sound, signalling that the popcorn was done. "Why?"

Rin and Len exchanged uncertain glances, suddenly wary. "Are you sure that popcorn is safe to eat?" said Len uncertainly.

"Oh, yeah! I mean, they're just popcorn kernels! How bad can they be?" To prove his point, Piko scooped a small handful of popcorn out of the cup and put them in his mouth. As soon as he swallowed them, however, his face melted into a pool of complete and utter regret.

...And nausea. Incredibly intense nausea.

Chapter Text

Gumi sighed as Miku gently held her hands. "Koopa...Goomba..."

Miku nodded. "Shy Guy," she added.

"I know these," Gumi confirmed.

Miku released one of Gumi's hands to lift her chin. "Mario," she said. "You know him."

"Mario," Gumi repeated softly.

Chapter Text

"Alright, Kaito, truth or dare?" Gakupo asked mischievously.

"Hm...truth!" Kaito decided.

"Who was your first crush?" Gakupo's voice took on a teasing lilt, especially when his boyfriend's face turned bright red.

"A-are you sure you wanna know? It's kind of embarrassing..." Kaito trailed off, fidgeting with his scarf.

"Oh, I've told you all kinds of embarrassing things about myself, dear. That's the point of this game, after all."

"Okay..." Kaito took a deep breath and swallowed. "Bowser."

Gakupo said nothing, staring at Kaito for a long time. Then, he murmured, "Bro, me too."

Kaito brightened. "Really?"

Gakupo laughed. "No."

Chapter Text

Kaito and Gakupo were seated together on a park bench. Kaito had his arm around his boyfriend in an attempt to comfort him, but it wasn't any good.

"Come on, Gack, tell me what's wrong." he encouraged.

After a long sigh, Gakupo explained, "Megurine Luka fucked my mom."

Kaito gave his boyfriend a quick squeeze. "Don't be silly, sweetie. You know Megurine Luka isn't real."

Suddenly, Gakupo's entire body froze as he looked over at the tree ahead of them. A familiar pink-haired woman was smirking at him, seemingly invisible to Kaito.

"I fucked your mom, shit lips." she taunted.

Chapter Text

Miku sat down on the couch besides Rin and Len with her fourth bowl of ice cream, this time decorated with whipped cream, hot fudge, and Oreo cookie pieces.

"How can you eat so much ice cream in one day?" Rin asked in awe.

Miku shrugged. "I'm hungry!"

"Miku," Len warned, "you're going to die of heart disease. At least have, like, a piece of celery or something."

"No!" Miku scooped a spoonful into her mouth and spoke through it. "Ith thweeth time!"

"Let her live," Rin added as she, not subtly at all, lifted some whipped cream onto her finger and stuck it in her mouth.

Len sighed, and looked through his phone to double check that their mom friend Meiko was on speed dial.

Chapter Text

"So..." Lily began, slinking her arm around Gumi, "it's the 100th chapter."

"Really? Huh, time flies." Gumi remarked.

"I know, right? I'm still pissed that we didn't get to be in the 69th one." Lily shook her head sadly.

"Since it's the 100th chapter, it should be 100 words!" Gumi suggested. "Wouldn't that be neat?"

"Hey, yeah, it would!" Lily gave her girlfriend a kiss on the cheek. "You're a genius, Goom."

Gumi blushed and snuggled into Lily, a mischievous giggle rising in her throat. "Wouldn't it be funny if it was just one word over?"

Lily grinned. "Babe, you're wonderful."

Chapter Text

"Oh, lord," Iroha groaned, staring at her phone. "I found my old Wattpad account."

Rin, who was sitting beside her, tilted her head up. "Oooh, really? Did you post any embarrassing stories?"

"Are you kidding? Every Wattpad story is embarrassing!" Iroha laughed. "Oh, man, listen to some of these descriptions...'The New Bieber, by pinkneko18: Justin Bieber is killed in a car accident, and a teenage girl replaces him, disguised as him.'"

Rin snorted in laughter, leaning over to get a better look. She pointed out one story in particular and began reading, "'Watt-napper (lesbian): A girl meets someone on Wattpad, and he kidnaps her. He doesn't believe when she tells him she's lesbian.'"

"I forgot about that one!" Iroha snickered and rolled her eyes. "The plot twist was supposed to be that the kidnapper was a girl, too. Thank god I realized how weird that was."

Rin giggled and kissed her girlfriend on the cheek. "Don't worry about that now. You've improved so much since then, y'know?"

Iroha blushed. "Ahh, thank you! I love you!"

Rin smiled and rubbed the back of her neck. "I love you, too. Besides, at least you didn't have a Fanfiction.net account like me."

Iroha's eyes widened. "You what?"

Chapter Text

"Look," said Fukase, "Donald Duck is a duck. You ever seen a duck? He has no ass."

"Please stop," Cul pleaded, rubbing her temples.

"No, but, like, Goofy does have an ass. And, so, like..." Fukase pushed his fists together to demonstrate. "He has an ass crack. So Donald, he has a beak--" Fukase opened his hands and pressed the palms together. "So he can just kinda, insert it, you know? So Goofy couldn't eat Donald's ass, it'd have to be the other way around. And I guess Goofy could stick his dick in Donald's butthole, 'cause he does have a butthole, but it's like, kind of low, isn't it? It'd be really uncomfortable, I think. And, honestly, Donald Duck strikes me as a top."

Cul proceeded to strangle him.

Chapter Text

"Oh my god," Piko exclaimed, "this is just like Homestuck!"

Rin whirled around to look at him, confusion written all over her face. "What?"

"You know, Homestuck! Like when Kanaya takes her moirail and goes Trickster Mode with Calliope-"

"Please," Rin begged, tears streaming down her face, "speak Japanese."

"I am! I'm just talking about when Dirk Strider gets his true sign and discovers his kismesis!"

Rin broke down, collapsing on the floor. "What the fuck are you saying?!"

Chapter Text

Luka looked down at Lily, who was drawing something on the kitchen table. "Hey, Lily, sweetie. What's that you're drawing?"

Lily smiled, not looking up from her paper. "I'm makin' a map."

"A map?" Luka leaned in more to get a closer look. "But...that looks like a close-up of my eyes?"

"That's exactly right, Lu." Lily beamed confidently. "A map of your eyes, 'cause I often catch myself gettin' lost in 'em."

At first, Luka seemed pleased. She opened her mouth to express her sentiments, but all that came out was a long, drawn-out, "AaaaawwwwwwwWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-"

Chapter Text

"Hey, Piko."

Piko was busy playing one of his favorite video games, Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood © SEGA 2008, but he glanced up to acknowledge Len. "Yeah?"

"You ever seen a fork with five prongs?"

Piko took a second to process the question and almost had to pause his game. "What?"

"Hold on." Len frantically tapped his fingers on his phone. "I'm looking it up right now, I want to see if they exist."

A minute or so passed in silence before Len whispered, "Oh my God. Piko, Piko, they do exist."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, there's forks with five prongs." Len stared intently at his phone screen. "I want one."

Chapter Text

"You're really cute, Gumi, y'know that?" Lily teased, planting a kiss on her girlfriend's nose.

Gumi let out a little squeal, her hands shooting up to cover her face. Lily laughed and gently moved the hands away to look at her blushing cheeks.

"Cutie~!" said Lily in a sing-song voice. "I love when you make those little noises. It's so adorable."

"Ahhhh!!" Gumi cried, pressing her face against Lily's shoulder. "No it's not!"

"Yeah it is."

"No i'ts not!"

"Yeah it- mmph!" Lily was cut off by Gumi's lips pressed against her own in a quick kiss. When Gumi pulled away, it was Lily's turn to blush and let out a cute noise of her own.

Gumi stuck out her tongue. "See? It's not as cute as your noises!"

Lily, her face still tinted red, smirked. "Oh, yeah?" She licked her lips, leaning in close to Gumi's face. "How 'bout we have a little noisemakin' contest, if y'know what I mean?"

"For the love of god," Luka announced from the far side of the bed, "it's three in the morning. Stop being horny and go to sleep."

Chapter Text

"Honey, I'm...home?" Lily trailed off as she saw her girlfriend lying dejectedly on the couch. Gumi merely raised a hand in acknowledgement.

Gently, Lily sat down beside her. "Hey. Rough day?"

Gumi nodded.

"Wanna talk about it?"

This time, Gumi shook her head, instead opting to lean against Lily and snuggle into her. Lily, in turn, ran her fingers through her girlfriend's hair, giving her a light kiss on her head.

"Wanna play video games or somethin' instead?"

For a moment, Gumi hesitated. Then, with some effort, she mumbled, "Okay."

Lily tilted her head up so that their eyes met. "Can I kiss ya?" she asked, nothing but love and warmth in her eyes.

In response, Gumi leaned in to close the gap between their lips. They stayed like that for a while, with no sound except the faint ticking of the clock on the wall.

When they broke apart, Gumi buried her face in Lily's neck, wrapping her in a hug. "I love you."

Lily gave the top of her head another kiss. "Love you too, babe."

Chapter Text

"Alright," Lily said, facing Luka sternly, "it's No Nut November. That means we gotta stop bein' horny for the whole month, or else we'll be assassinated."

Luka nodded. "Yes. Let's agree to keep our passions subdued for the month."

The two of them shook hands. For a while, they sat together in silence, fidgeting uncomfortably.

Finally, Lily spoke. "This is boring. Wanna fuck?"

Luka shrugged. "Alright."

Chapter Text

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Chapter Text

Len stuck out his fist and swerved his body to the side with a loud cry of, "Hii-YAH! Hiii-YAH!!"

Meiko, overhearing the noise, came into the room. "Whoa, son, your whips are getting really good!" she congratulated.

Len smiled at her. "Thanks, Mom!"

...Neither of them were related.

Chapter Text

Iroha sighed, burying her face in her hands. I've wasted so much time today doing nothing...I'm so stupid and lazy and worthless...

She heard her ringtone, and lowered her hands so she could see her phone. Rin was calling.

At the mere thought of talking to her girlfriend, Iroha immediately straightened up with a smile on her face and a head full of happy thoughts as she answered her phone. "Hello, lovely! I love you!"

Chapter Text

Meiko was sitting around, minding her own business, when the Kagamine twins came clambering into the room, laughing hysterically.

"Meiko, Meiko!" Rin wheezed, pointing at Len. "You have to see this meme!"

Len held up his phone and showed it to Meiko. On it was a Tweet that said, "me at age 9 leaving my metal spoon inside the microwave." Below it was a video of American singer and actress Miranda Cosgrove. Len pressed play, and Miranda began to sing,

"Sparks fly,

It's like electricity.

I might die-"

The video ended, and Rin and Len nearly collapsed into a fit of delirious giggles. Meiko, on the other hand, did not look amused. In fact, she looked as if she had no idea what was going on.

"I don't get it," she said, "why is she singing about dying? She looks so young!"

The twins' laughter came to an abrupt halt. They exchanged awkward glances, unsure how to explain the situation to Meiko.

"Well, uh, she's not really singing about dying," Len tried to elaborate, "it's just, uh, part of the song."

"Then why does it say she put a metal spoon in a microwave? That's not safe at all!"

Rin shuffled her feet a little. "She didn't actually say that. It's just, uh, the Tweet, y'know? It's part of the joke."

Meiko shook her head. "I'll never understand you kids these days and your sense of humor."

Chapter Text

Lily giggled and pointed at the time. "Yo, Goom, look! It's 4:20!"

Gumi gave her girlfriend a serious glare. "You know, that's really immature, Lily. I mean, how old are you? Five? Four? Three? Two?" She took a deep breath before practically shouting,

"I KNOW,

YOU SEE,

SOMEHOW THE WORLD WILL CHANGE FOR ME-"

Lily proceeded to laugh so hard that tears began to roll down her face.

Chapter Text

Gakupo put his hands on Kaito's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "Dude, are you gay?" he asked seriously.

Kaito looked away, sweat forming on his brow. "...No." he lied.

Gakupo grabbed his chin and turned him so that they were making eye contact again. "Bonest?"

Chapter Text

Lily walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch next to Gumi, who was on her laptop.

"Hey, Goom, whatcha doin'?" she asked, peering over at the screen. She appeared to be on some kind of foreign language-learning website.

"Oh, I've decided to learn how to speak Tagalog!" Gumi replied.

Lily cocked her head. "Tag-a-what, now?"

"Tagalog. It's a Filipino language. I told you I'm part Filipino, right?" Gumi gestured to the screen. "My mother was Filipino, but she never taught me the language, so I decided to learn it myself now that I'm old enough to make my own decisions." She seemed incredibly proud of herself, and Lily couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah? How do you say 'I love you' in Tagalog?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gumi laughed, her face tinted red, and gave Lily a kiss on the cheek. "Mahal kita."

Chapter Text

Lily and Gumi were sitting together on the beach, staring at the sunset as its beauty reflected off of the waves.

"Did you know?" Lily asked. "As of Generation 7, Flareon and Salazzle are the only fully-evolved Fire-Type Pokémon who don't know the move Solar Beam."

Gumi nodded, transfixed. Lily pulled out her trusty guitar and began strumming it absentmindedly.

"In fact, not to brag or anything, but I've been working on a medley of all 21 Pokémon theme songs." Sure enough, she began to play.

Oh my god, Gumi thought, her face heating up, I can't not fuck her.

Chapter Text

Piko was sitting on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. "Sonic..." he murmured, shaking his head in complete and utter wonder.

Len sat next to him, patting his back. Rin came into the room, confused at the sight before her. "What the fuck is goin' on?"

"He's thinking about Sonic," Len responded, "Just give him time. He snaps out of it eventually."

Piko continued to stare at nothing, his eyes watering. "He's just...so cool..."

Chapter Text

"That sounds pretty good, Avanna," said Sonika, "but I couldn't understand that last bit you said in the song."

"Oh?" Avanna nodded. "I was just saying a thousand yurs."

Sonika crossed her arms. "Uh...yeah, so, what do you mean by yurs?"

"You know, three hundred sixty-five days?" Avanna cocked her head, seeming to be baffled. "Or three hundred sixty-six in a leap yeh? Do you know what a leap yah is, Sonika?"

"It's, uh..." Sonika cleared her throat. "Pronounced year."

"That's what I said, isn't it? A thousand yayas."

Sonika was utterly clueless as to how to handle the situation.

Chapter Text

Flower was spooning Maika on the couch when they heard somebody's stomach growl.

"Did you eat lunch?" Maika asked.

"No," Flower said nonchalantly. "It's already three anyway. I might as well wait until dinner--"

Maika jumped off the couch onto the floor. "No! I'm gonna make you a sandwich! And you're not going anywhere until you finish it, darling!"

Flower sighed and smiled, full of love, as Maika stormed off into the kitchen to get to work.

Chapter Text

Miku smiled as she stared at her laptop, the man on the screen smiling back. Meiko knocked lightly on the door, peering inside.

"Miku, what do you want for di- what are you watching?" Meiko's eyebrows raised when she saw the show that Miku had open on her computer. "Is that some kind of American show?"

Miku beamed. "Yeah, it is! It's technically for kids, but I think it's really sweet!" She gestured to the screen, where the man was talking in a soft, soothing voice.

"Do you ever get mad sometimes?" he asked, and Meiko could have sworn he was making eye contact with her. "Everybody gets angry, even me. But it's important to know how to deal with those feelings - to know that you can stop when you need to."

Meiko gazed, mesmerized, at the screen. "Miku?" she asked, tearing up. "Can I watch this with you?"

"Of course!" Miku patted the spot next to her, and Meiko immediately sat next to her, never breaking eye contact with the man in the cardigan sweater.

Chapter Text

Gumi was playing Luigi's Mansion (2001) for the Nintendo GameCube while Lily sat beside her on the couch. Gumi had just saved a Toad, and Lily was reading his dialogue out loud.

"'I wish I could do something to help you...Wait! I've got it! At least let me do this...'" She grinned and nudged her girlfriend. "And then he sucks off Luigi."

Gumi practically wheezed, placing a hand over her mouth to stifle her bout of laughter. As tears streamed from her eyes, she gazed up at Lily with a look of disbelief.

"You can't open up the energy like that!" she exclaimed.

Chapter Text

Miku, Rin, and Len were sitting on the couch playing Mario Party 6. They were preparing to enter the mini-game "Crate and Peril," in which one of the characters - in this case, Daisy - held a box with tiny versions of the remaining three players. The goal of those in the box was to avoid the obstacles inside as Daisy shook them around.

"I'm inside Daisy's heart-shaped box," Miku remarked, smiling innocently. Rin and Len groaned.

"Oh my god, you know what that means, right?" Rin asked.

"No, actually. I just know it's a song."

Len ignored the two of them and focused on the game. Rin, on the other hand, looked at Miku incredulously.

"And what would a 'heart-shaped box' mean, in the context of the song?"

"I don't know, a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day?" Miku guessed, still completely oblivious.

Rin sighed and turned to her brother. "Do you wanna tell her, or should I do it?"

"What? What does it mean?" Miku asked, her eyebrows raised in concern.

"Are you serious?!" Rin demanded. "It means vagina!"

Miku's eyes widened in horrid comprehension, her innocence completely shattered. The only thing she could think to do was let out a loud, "OHHHHHHHH-"

Chapter Text

Are YOUR Vibes Rancid?

CLICK HERE to find out NOW!!!!!!

Meiko stared in stunned silence as the pop up message appeared on her computer screen.

Luka, who was looking over her shoulder, remarked, "This is the weirdest scam ad I've ever seen."

"Yeah," Meiko agreed. "I keep getting this whenever I try to check my email. I guess I need to figure out some sorta adblocker." She closed the pop up window and shut off her monitor. "Maybe later, I feel like having lunch right now."

"Me too! Let's go see what we can find in the kitchen."

Later, as they were eating lunch, Kaito showed up with a very ashamed demeanor. "Meiko...?"

"What?" Meiko asked through a mouthful of food.

"I...I think your computer got a virus." Kaito averted his eyes and sighed. "And it said my vibes are rancid."

Chapter Text

Rin waved Kaito over. "Hey, Kai! Wanna be in a TikTok with me?"

Kaito, who only had a vague idea of what a TikTok was, nodded. "Sure! What do I have to do?"

Rin smiled. "Oh, it's easy! You just gotta do this!" She then proceeded to pull off a long, somewhat complicated dance.

Kaito still had no clue what to do, but he didn't want to let his young friend down, so he pretended to understand. "Alright! Let's do it!"

Rin snickered and pressed the "record" button. As the music started to play, Rin did the dance flawlessly, while Kaito just resorted to jumping around with a hand on his head.

"How was that?" Kaito asked when they were finished.

Rin watched the playback, trying to stifle her laughter. "It was perfect, dude. You're gonna be so famous."

Kaito beamed proudly, unaware that Rin was already texting Len about the "epic cringe" she had just posted to TikTok.

Chapter Text

Rin threw her hands up with an overdramatic sigh, throwing her book down. "UGGH, why didn't Leafstar just talk to Sharpclaw earlier in the book?? He's so obviously suspicious! He's always been suspicious!"

Miku, who was eating Oreos on the other side of the bed, simply shrugged. "I don't know!"

"Jesus, does anybody here respect Leafstar?! She's their goddamn LEADER! She's done more for SkyClan than fucking Sharpclaw ever did!"

Miku nodded, wiping Oreo crumbs from her mouth.

Rin continued, "And, like, I can't really get into Leafstar and Billystorm's romance? I guess I can see why some people would like it, but it just doesn't do it for me. Maybe it's because I prefer her with Echosong. And Shrewtooth. I know he has a dumb name and hasn't interacted with her as much, but at least it's a better name than fucking Billystorm, who has the personality of a goddamn grain of sand."

When she had finished her rant, she flopped back down on the bed, groaning loudly. Miku finished swallowing the last bite of her Oreo before telling her, "I have no idea what any of that meant, but I support you anyway."

Chapter Text

Miku was pacing around the living room, where Meiko and Luka were sitting beside each other on the couch.

"It's just...it makes me so nervous!" Miku said. "Christmas is so soon, and I got presents for all of you, but I need to get something for Gumi that really means something, y'know?"

"Ẅ̶̼́e̴̛͎͉̓ ̷͔́̒r̶͔̆ ̴̯̍̈f̴̼͋̏ ̸̤̈́͑ ̴̪̭͝ ̸͔͕͋̓ẗ̸̖́̑c̴͈̑̅ṟ̶͓̔ ̷̝̓ ̵̱̒f̶̠̓̆ ̵̛̗͝ä̸̺͔́a̵̺̖̓͛ ̶̛̣͙̎ ̴̱͍̿͐ ̵̧̲͌f̵̝̈́ ̷̝̌̂l̶̡͖͌ ̵͜͠o̵̢̒̈ ̷̭̌̋ ̶͕̂̎j̸̜̊̋ ̶͖͙͌̾h̵͎̝̅ ̶̠̕͜d̷̡̥̓̍ ̴̼̽a̵̮̋̓c̷̛̱͔ ̵̥͔͋̌ ̵͕̒į̸̩͆͌t̶̮̫͠v̸̝̪̏ ̶͉́͑ ̷͓͠ḍ̶̿ ̸͖́ͅ ̴͙̺̒̽f̴̢͖͒̈́ỵ̷̺̏̔ ̵̹̲̚f̶̟̟̾̌ ̴̜̈́ẁ̸̻͈̑ ̸̹͊v̴̻̎r̸̭̈́," Meiko replied. 

"Well, I know that!" Miku crossed her arms. "But I still need to put some effort into it!"

"B̴̟̰̐͑u̵̼͉͠n̴̰͑̔ ̵̢̮̀y̶̻̳͋ ̸͎̘̈́̂ŝ̷͖͊e̴̱͉̽e̸̥͊ ̸̟̃a̴̤͛̿͜s̶̖͛s̴͈̺̒b̸̳̀͜b̷͚̚s̴͚̅̅s̷̥͊͘n̴͠ͅz̷̦̬̑͋n̸͉̾à̸̳̙͝b̶͕͒a̸̘̚b̶̼̔ȁ̷̧b̵͙̈́b̷̧̝̑̇a̵̻̪̽ ̵̡̧̍s̴̼̏k̸̲̮͌e̵̤̣̐ÿ̴̳́̓ĝ̵̘̬̄s̷̻͊d̷͉̙͐͝ ̶̲͐z̶̺͍̒x̸̖̌d̴͓͔̎́v̷͖̠͝ ̸̦̓x̷͔͈͂e̸͚͍͠i̶͊͜u̶͓̗͗̈́ CHRISTMAS!"

Luka nodded. "That's right. It doesn't have to be anything symbolic, either. Just something thoughtful. And you're always thoughtful, Miku."

"Ā̶̡ ̷̦̥͑x̶͎͂d̴̮̭̚s̴̡̓ ̴͈͔͂͑e̴͍͋s̸̢͙̈ ̷̪̐ ̵͉̏͘s̴̢̽ ̵̹̐͊w̷̘͒̔ͅv̶͖͉̇ ̵̗̏s̷̢͉̾2̴̩͊̊t̵̢̠͌3̴̜̩̏f̸̛̦̝ẹ̷̈t̴̘̅̈́ĕ̴̢̛t̷͉̤̋̔e̸̺̰͒͘g̴̤̠͑s̷͍͙͆̓ ̴̝̍̽S̵͉̉C̸͓͋S̴̱̆Ș̴͉̂̇C̵̛͎͚C̵̙͈̔A̴͍͗͠X̶̹̐̕E̵͓̭͐E̵̛̤E̶̩͝Ȩ̶̰̌͛E̶͙̍Ẅ̷̦͚́W̴͙̪͒̈́W̷͓̼͆W̴̢̘̏W̶͉͚̑͑," Meiko agreed.

Miku nodded. "I guess so, I guess so..."

Rin entered the room at that moment. "Hi!" she greeted them all. "Good news! I'm done wrapping all my presents!"

"Ȧ̴̞̅À̴̤͜͝A̴̼͙̐S̴̪͎͘ Kids Nowadayss̶̟̅͛f̴͕̱̃f̸͔̘͘r̶̹͋͗f̶̫̄e̸̻̬̊e̵̯̚f̶̲̟͘e̴̳͓͝f̵͎͂c̴̨̯̈́̇ḙ̵̕ȩ̸̣̔̃x̷̢͍̀͛d̶̫ẽ̵̯̚f̶̟̿͝f̸͓̊."

Rin whirled toward Meiko with bewildered eyes. "What the fuck?"

"C̸̡̪̤̯̗͍̲͈͉͌̆́̊̈̊̔͗́̑̕̕͘͝͝͝H̴̡̢̖̘̱̞̺̲̰̠̠̣̪͚̪̋̂̋̆̽̕̚͜R̶̯̣̱͎̤̠̻̯͖͙̹̫̪̬͙͒͗̾͑͒̃̄̚͠͝͠ͅÍ̶̧̨̘͎͚̥͎̦̼̭̳̠̗̼̓̊́S̴̛̩̱̓̃͊͐̑̈́̓̆̕Ṫ̷̡̧̮̪̭̥͎̖̦̗͇̦̗̱̬̍̋̕͘̕̕͜͝M̵̨͓̱̏̄̿͒̐͒̔̽̓͋͐̎̍͝͠A̸̢̨͊̌Ş̸̨̹̟̭̳͙̱̮͖͈̰͈̫̟͎̃̾̚͜!"

Chapter Text

Avanna knocked on the door, then entered the bedroom without waiting for a response. "Hello. I noticed you haven't been tuning me well."

The lesbian inside was already backing up into the corner in fright. "Please, Avanna, I-I just need a little more time--"

"You've owned VOCALOID4™ Editor for one month now," Avanna coldly replied. "And after all this time...your tuning still sounds like garbage soaked in sewage."

Tears spilled from the Vocaloid "producer"'s eyes as they stuttered, "P-please, Avanna...I'll do better, I-I just need more time...I'll do anything you want, Avanna..."

Avanna pointed the pistol right at them.

"Then perish."

Chapter Text

Len sighed and rolled over on his bunk as Rin's barely-stifled giggles kept him awake. "Oh my god, it's not that funny."

"You just don't understand!" Rin held down her phone to show her brother the gif she had been laughing at for the past ten minutes. "Just look at them!"

Len was far too tired to be amused by the clip of Mickey Mouse and his friends dancing horribly. "Rin, it's 4 in the morning."

Chapter Text

Lily nudged Gumi with her elbow, raising her eyebrows. "Hey, what if we brohoofed...but instead of using our fists, we used our lips? Wouldn't that be epic?"

Gumi stared at her blankly. "I'm debating on whether that's the dorkiest or the most cursed thing you've ever said to me."

Chapter Text

"Hey, hey Luka!" Rin bounded over to the woman with paper in her hands. "Luka, I started writing lyrics to my first rap, and Miku says they're really good, what do you think?"

Luka smiled warmly as she gently took the paper. "I'm sure they're great, Rin, let me see."

The paper read:

Having sex with my girl calling her honey, i'm swimming in money, michael phelps.

Keep my girl coming back round like the solar system

I'm so fly i've got arachnophobia

"It's fire," Luka said, prompting Rin to pump her fists in celebration.

Chapter Text

Akira shook his head as he stared at his computer screen. "Come on," he said, "I mean, four female Ghostbusters? The feminists are taking over!"

Suddenly, from seemingly nowhere, the Ghostbusters theme began to play. Akira smiled and turned to look directly at you, the reader, while singing, "I'm an adult virgin!"

Chapter Text

"I just--I'm sorry!" Yukari cried, after being called out by Gumi for taking three naps in a row instead of playing Team Sonic Racing with her. "I've had a long night!"

Gumi sighed and shook her head in disappointment.

"I've had a long night at the crime factory, babe--"

Gumi snatched Yukari's stuffed bunny and very gently whacked her in the head. "You haven't left the house!"

Chapter Text

Gumi and Lily were playing Super Smash Brothers Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch. Gumi, the best Sonic main in the universe, activated Sonic's Final Smash for the third time to become Super Sonic. In an attempt to dodge, Lily's fighter, Isabelle, jumped off the edge of the stage.

"I...I did it," Lily declared with a very fragile pride, as Isabelle respawned on screen. "I've escaped your wicked tricks, and--and now I'm immune to your Chaos Emerald powers."

"Okay, Lily," Gumi replied, shaking her head with a smile.

Chapter Text

"So, like, why are there so many echidnas?" Len asked, both confused and frustrated.

Piko threw up his hands. "Beats me!! Ken Penders was just obsessed with echidnas, I guess!"

"You got that right. Didn't you say he tried to make Knuckles into some kind of allegory for Jesus?"

"Yeah!" Piko groaned. "He tried to make the lore for the comics super complicated despite never playing a single Sonic game. Fuck Ken Penders, man."

"Agreed." Len said. He continued flipping through the ridiculously long guidebook Piko had gotten out, getting more confused with each page. "Did...did they seriously put LSD in a Sonic the Hedgehog comic?!"

Piko sighed. "I told you they were wild."

Chapter Text

"Hmm..." Miku murmured to herself. She was staring at her girlfriend, Rin, who looked over at her after hearing her hum.

"What is it, babe?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing! I was just wondering what if..."

Rin raised an eyebrow. "'What if' what?"

Miku grinned. "What if I kissed you on the lips?" She then proceeded to do just that, causing Rin to turn as red as a tomato.

"Oh yeah?! Well!!! What if!!! I kissed you!!! On the lips!!! How would you like THAT??" Rin spluttered, trying her best to stay cool.

Miku simply giggled. Only she had the ability to turn Rin into a blushing, stuttering mess.

Chapter Text

Akari was invited into Yukari's home as soon as she knocked. The first thing she saw was Yukari holding Ia close to her as they snuggled under a blanket.

"Aw!" Akari grinned. "You guys are so cute!"

"Well, Ia's just having a rough day," Yukari explained as she stroked her girlfriend's hair. "Something shitty happened to her sister today, so I've been trying to help her forget about how angry and upset she is."

Unfortunately, this reminded Ia of how angry and upset she was, and she raised her head to shout, "EMPATHY BEEEEEAAAAAAAM!" before her eyes shot a beam of light into the wall near where Akari was standing, creating a sizable hole.

Akari blinked rapidly. "You...you know, I think I'm less surprised at the idea of laser eye beams than the fact that they just came from Ia of all people..."

Chapter Text

Miku, Rin, and Len were having a nice conversation by their lockers. They still had a while until their next class started, so they decided to spend their time chatting together.

All of a sudden, the sound of wheels against the floor alerted their attention. They turned around and saw Meiko clumsily skateboarding over, a backwards baseball cap on her head and sunglasses on her face. She wobbled a little on the board before dismounting and facing the three of them.

"How do you do, fellow kids?" she asked, folding her arms in an attempt at a cool pose.

Rin and Len just stared at her, already feeling the first wave of secondhand embarrassment. Miku, on the other hand, smiled back at her.

"Pretty good! You?" she asked innocently.

Meiko picked up her skateboard and held it over her shoulder awkwardly. "Dude, I'm like, totally chill, bro!"

"Please leave." sighed Len.

Chapter Text

Len was woken up by rummaging outside his window. He opened it up to see, through the darkness, that Oliver was digging in the yard with his hands.

"Oliver!" he hissed. "What are you doing here? We can't let anyone find out you still eat dirt!"

Oliver blinked up at him, and wordlessly shoved a handful of dirt into his mouth.

"NO!!"

Chapter Text

"So," Rin said, smirking widely, "what do you think?"

The song blared from her phone as she held it up for her girlfriend to see. Iroha stared at the screen, then back at Rin, her expression unreadable.

"What do you think?" Rin repeated, holding back laughter.

Before she had time to process what was happening, Iroha's hands shot out and began tickling her stomach, sending her falling to the ground in a surprised fit of giggles. Iroha was unrelenting, barely giving Rin enough moments to speak.

"B-babe-" she wheezed, tears running down her face, "please! I j-just - ahahaha! - I just wanna know what you think of Minecraft: Revenge!"

Chapter Text

Ann had just finished her meal and had waved her waitress, Ruby, over to her table. Ruby suppressed a groan and plastered on a fake grin as she approached her customer.

"Oh my god, that kale salad was so good!" Ann exclaimed, her voice rising shrilly. "But I can't eat anymore...can I get a box?"

The word "box" seemed to ring in Ruby's ears like nails on a chalkboard, but she just continued to grin and bear it. "Sure thing! I'll be right back!"

But before she could turn to leave, Ann stopped her. "Oh, and can I get a container? For my ranch? So I can put it in my box?" Without waiting for Ruby to reply, she trilled, "Thank youuuu!"

Ruby clenched her fist, nodding with gritted teeth. "Okay."

"Oh, one more thing! Can I get some dessert to go?"

Ruby felt her eye twitch. "...Of course, ma'am."

As she walked away, she stole a quick glance back at Ann to make sure she wasn't listening when she muttered, "I swear to god, I should write a song about the way white girls ask me for boxes."

Chapter Text

Yukari took a deep breath as she stood up to introduce herself. All eyes in the circle of people were on her as she spoke.

"Hello, my name is Yukari, and..." She took a deep breath. "And I'm a tetriholic."

"Hello, Yukari." everyone responded, nodding their heads respectfully.

Yukari felt her muscles relax a little as she saw their accepting stares. "I've been addicted to Tetris for...well, it's kind of an on-and-off addiction. Sometimes, I think I'm clean, but then...I just go right back to those blocks."

Again, a few people in the circle nodded. They, too, were tetriholics, so they all understood what it was like.

"It's gotten so bad that I've started seeing blocks when I close my eyes." she continued. "Instead of dreaming, I play Tetris in my head all night. People won't let me DJ at parties anymore because all my playlists just consist of-"

As if on cue, her phone went off, the Tetris theme blaring from it at a high volume. Everyone in the room gasped, and some of them covered their ears in terror.

"I'm sorry!" Yukari exclaimed, tears running down her face. "It's a hard habit to break!"

Chapter Text

"This is Milkshake!" Miku announced, holding up her teal 2016 Furby. It had lots of bows and decorative hairpins attached to its fur, and its beak had been modified to be a light turquoise color. "She likes candy and singing and looking at the clouds!"

Gumi smiled and waved at the little toy before holding up her own. However, unlike Miku's, her Furby was freakishly long, draping over her shoulders and onto the floor.

"This is Madame Squigglebottom." Gumi said, stroking its soft green fur. "Her animatronic parts still work, so she can still talk and stuff. She enjoys eating dirt, watching Fullmetal Alchemist, and listening to electronic remixes of classical music."

Miku stared at the long Furby in awe. Then, the Furby in her arms said, "Me love you!", its gaze seemingly right on Madame Squigglebottom.

"Oh my god," Miku gasped, "our Furbies are in love!"

Gumi looked back and forth between Miku and the two Furbies. "Do...do you think it's a sign?" she asked, her face turning a faint shade of red.

"Oh, I know it's a sign!" Miku responded. "A sign that they should get married! We should make a cute little Furby wedding ceremony for them! What do you think?"

Gumi sighed. "Yeah, that sounds adorable."

Chapter Text

Gakupo turned on his phone camera and took a deep breath. This was it. The last time he would ever make a callout post on Twitter Dot Com. Thinking of all the people who wronged him, he opened his mouth and let the words pour out.

"She fuckin- she fuckin- she- they fucked my wife! The lesbians fucked my wife!" he cried, tears running down his face. "Then everybody fucking left because the ship was gonna be destroyed. She was able to escape because I designed a robot that would be able to pleasure her in such an intense way that I would be able to finally fuck her! But it didn't happen! Because then she decided to become a lesbian fucker and fucked the whole Lily Masuda and Luka team, which didn't even fuckin' matter because then it went into a new ark AND THEN SHE FUCKED THE W O R L D."

He paused, catching his breath before continuing with even more rage than before. "THE WORLD WAS HER NEXT TARGET, BECAUSE HER JUSSY WAS NOT PLEASED ENOUGH. SO SHE HAD TO HO HERSELF OUT AND BE THE BIGGEST THHHHHHHOT THAT YOU'VE EVER SEEN. THE WORLD IS GOING TO BE DESTROYED RIGHT NOW. I'M LOGGING OFF."

Satisfied, he stopped the video and hit the "post" button. Chuckling maniacally, he looked at a picture of Luka and shook his head.

"Soon, Megurine..." he muttered, "you will pay for fucking my wife."

Chapter Text

"Aw, man," Lily sighed, as she watched her friend Tails fall from the screen after losing his second-to-last life. "Well, it's fine, I still have one more Tails left. This is gonna be it, this is gonna be the epic Tails speedrun."

She paused to look over at Gumi, who was sitting next to her, clenching her jaw and tightening her eyebrows.

"What's wrong, babe?" Lily asked.

Gumi sighed and lowered her head. "You died from running out of time twice...you died from taking more than ten minutes to beat a level twice, Lily..."

Chapter Text

Sachiko really liked singing to herself as she went about her day. She even did it in public, although more quietly of course, such as now, when she was gently singing a tune as she browsed a bookstore.

She heard sniffling from close by and stopped. The source was a girl with green hair and glasses with pink frames, and her face was reddening.

"Are you alright?" Sachiko asked.

The girl hiccupped and quickly nodded. "Your--your voice is just so deep and beautiful..."

Chapter Text

"You can't be serious." Lily stared at Gumi with wide eyes. "She's a total bitch!"

"I know, I know!" Gumi sighed and practically banged her head against the keyboard. "But she's so sexy..."

"But all the other girls are cuter! And nicer!" Lily pointed at the screen. "The ghost chick seems fun! And she clearly wants to fuck you!"

Gumi let out a loud groan, face still pressed to the keyboard. "I know, but..." She looked back up at the computer, where she was playing a monster dating sim. "I just...have a thing for mean girls..."

Chapter Text

"Outertale?" Iroha was peeking over Rin's shoulder as the latter was typing on her laptop. "Is that, like...bootleg Undertale?"

"Oh, no, no! Outertale is an AU." Rin turned her head to grin at Iroha. "Outertale is an AU where Undertale is in a space setting instead of Underground. The characters all have star-themed attire, attacks, and themes (music). There are many capes and long draping clothes, much of which is white, gold, and deep blue like the night sky. The official canon of Outertale is stated to follow the exact same theme as the Undertale game’s playthrough. However, unlike in Undertale, the human vs monster war resulted in monsters being banished into space (specifically on a moon) instead of the underground.^[1] Essentially, the Pacifist, Neutral, and Genocide routes apply here as well, and character personalities are the same as they are in Undertale. Monsters turn into stardust when they die."

Iroha, impressed as always with her girlfriend's ability to recite any Undertale AU Wiki article at will, kissed her on the lips.

Chapter Text

Gumi twirled the long pieces of her hair. "I always forget your hair looks kinda like mine when it's not tied like that."

"Yeah." Yukari rubbed the back of her neck. "You're not the first. No one seems to notice that my pigtails are just super long sideburns."

"Hey, guys," said a voice from the door. The girls turned to see Flower, whose hair in the front of her face had grown out a bit into two long black sideburns.

"We have long sideburns," the three of them said in unison.

Chapter Text

Iroha sat in her desk chair. It was time to try to work on her Sanrio fanfiction. She had fifteen works in progress that needed her attention!

She scrolled through them all, and read what she had written of them so far. "Wow," she said with a smile. "I made these."

Iroha then left her desk, deciding to take a break to play video games.

Chapter Text

"Oh, boy!" Piko said immediately after waking up. "The Sonic the Hedgehog movie comes out today! I think I'll go see it on the weekend, since I'll have more free time!"

Then, as he did every morning, he reached for his phone and went to check Instagram. Unfortunately, as soon as he opened it up, the very first thing that greeted him was a leaked screenshot from the movie.

Meanwhile, Ia was sleeping peacefully in her room. Then, all of a sudden, a loud, angry scream startled her out of bed. It sounded like it was coming from her brother's room, so she hurried inside, panic flooding through her.

"Piko! Are you-" she stopped, staring at Piko, who was on the floor in tears. "...What happened?"

Piko didn't even acknowledge that she was there. "It's only been out for one day! ONE DAY!"

Chapter Text

Fukase marched into the Half Price book store and slammed his copy of The Great Waldo Search onto the front desk.

"Hello, I would like to return this book. I, um...got it as a gift for someone, but they already had it."

The employee only looked up from his phone for a brief second before nodding. "Yeah, sure, okay. Just put it back on the shelf or whatever."

Fukase was incredibly grateful that the employee was too lazy to ask questions. Snickering, he went back to the shelf where he had found the book and put it back before leaving the store.

Little did the foolish employee know that, after purchasing the book, he had taken it home, scanned every page, and learned how to use Photoshop so he could digitally remove Waldo from every illustration. Then, he had printed the copies back out and glued them into the book so seamlessly that it was impossible to tell by sight alone that it had been altered.

That shoud terrorize the next child that even thinks of searching for Waldo, he thought triumphantly.

Chapter Text

"Merli, Merli!" Lapis bounded over to her older sister, carrying her laptop with a big grin on her face. "Merli, guess what I got?"

Merli sighed, having a bad feeling about this. "What'd you get?"

"I got a really exciting email! Look!"

Lapis presented her laptop to Merli. The screen read:

Congratulations!  To win your online lottery, we have selected your email address from over 1,000,000 email addresses on Google Email database.!  You won 100¥ million  top prize!  Respond immediately to receive your gift.  Discuss the information needed to get the gift.

"It's a scam email, Lapis," Merli said, turning back to her tea. "It's a big lie."

"Huh?" Lapis tilted her head. "That makes no sense! Why would anyone go on the Internet and tell lies?"

Chapter Text

Ruby, who had moved on from her waitress job to become a vet, looked over Ann's dog with confusion. "Ma'am, I...don't see the problem. You said your dog was covered in bugs, but I've searched him all over, and I can't see any."

Ann's eyes widened in shock. "Are you serious? They're right on his belly!" she said, holding her dog up and pointing at his nipples. She reached down toward them and began trying to pull them off.

Ruby gasped and screamed, "MA'AM, NO, STOP!! THOSE ARE HIS NIPPLES!"

Ann looked extremely confused. "What? There's no way! He's a boy!"

"That doesn't mean he can't have nipples!" Ruby exclaimed, still extremely alarmed.

Ann shook her head. "Still not buying it. He's male."

Ruby looked her right in the eye with the most incredulous gaze she could muster. "Ma'am, doesn't your husband have nipples?!"

Chapter Text

Lily stared at the camera, hands folded like the "You Know I Had to Do It to Em" guy. "Somebody hit my juul without asking." she explained. "Now, it's time for the big dog to bark."

The scene cut to her walking out into the living room, where Yuuma was sitting on the couch. "Yo, boys!" she said, despite the fact that there was only one other person in the room. "Who the fuck hit my juul last night while I was asleep?"

Yuuma looked up from his phone, his eyes wide with concern. "Shit, bro, I dunno. That sucks."

Lily narrowed her eyes. "I fuckin' know it was you, Yuuma, okay? Why don't you just man up to it?"

Yuuma, suddenly in confessional, glared at the camera. "I didn't hit her juul, okay? She's just so fuckin' wound up this week cuz she hasn't gotten any puss."

Back in the real world, Yuuma continued to defend himself. "Wasn't me, man! You think I'd just lie to you? Like, you're my boy. You think I'd just lie to my fuckin' boy like that, dude?"

"Look, dude, ever since that spring break trip in Cabo, you fuckin' changed, dude!" Lily accused. She turned to the camera, once again in confessional. "A few months ago, when we went to Cabo, he got, like, two puss max, and now he just thinks he's the guy, dude."

"Look," Yuuma said, rising from the couch, "it's not my fault I can get puss!"

Lily gasped, shock and pain written all over her face. For a moment, silence lingered between them. Then, with a solemn nod, she muttered, "Alright," and walked away.

When she was gone, she turned to the camera again, her eyes brimming with sadness as she shook her head. "I guess, uh...I guess he's just not my boy anymore."

Chapter Text

Piko stared at his phone, tears dripping down his face as he sobbed uncontrollably. Concerned, Len leaned in closer, looking over his boyfriend's shoulder.

"Piko, what are you-"

He paused. On Piko's phone screen was what appeared to be an old, angsty Sonic the Hedgehog animation. Sonic was lying on the ground, dying, while blood dripped from his fingertips.

Through his tears, Piko cried, "TAILS HAD TO STAB HIS OWN BROTHER!"

Len sighed and patted him on the back. "Yeah, it be like that sometimes."

Chapter Text

Len was playing Overwatch in the living room while Rin, Piko, and Oliver watched. He hummed in thought as he tried to choose which character to play as.

"Hmm...maybe I'll be...Tracer!" he decided. As if on cue, his three companions looked at each other, beaming with malice, and started to sing:

"I'm already Tracer!

What about Widowmaker?

I'm already Widowmaker!"

Len groaned and rubbed his forehead. "Do you guys have to do this every time we play video games together?!"

Chapter Text

Lily, Gumi, Rin, and Len were gathered around the computer, looking at the Warrior Cats Wiki. Miku entered the room and glanced at them, smiling.

"Hey, guys! Whatcha doin'?" she asked, peering over their shoulders.

"Givin' each other warrior names," Lily explained. "I'm Beeseed."

"I'm Goosewhisper." Gumi added.

Len snickered. "I called dibs on Kinkwatcher."

Rin stood up, T-posing to assert her dominance. "I," she declared, "am Swallownut."

Miku blinked. "...Cool! Can I be Flowerfur?"

Chapter Text

Yuuma sighed, contemplating his notebook. He turned to look at Yohio, who was on his phone.

"Yo, babe, is it okay if I write about you in my songs?" he asked.

Hio looked up, shrugging. "Sure. As long as you don't write about how I'm a bitch and you don't like me."

Yuuma gasped. "Are you kidding?! Why would I say something like that?" He patted Hio on the head and gave him a light kiss. "You are a bitch, and I like you very much."

Chapter Text

Gumi flopped down on the couch, panting hard. Lily, who had been sitting there for the past 20 minutes, patted her on the head.

"Damn, you okay? How long were you walkin' around like that?" she asked. Even before she came into the living room, Gumi had been pacing, ear buds plugged in and hardcore dubstep coming from her phone.

"Like..." Gumi paused to think. "Two hours? I dunno. Honestly, I've been listening to the same four songs on repeat."

Lily laughed and gave her a kiss on her forehead, not caring that it was lightly covered in sweat. "Do you wanna rest for a while now that you've gotten it out of your system?"

Gumi nodded. "Yeah, I think so. Thanks for putting up with the fact that I just like to pace around all the time when I listen to music."

Lily smiled. "It's no problem at all, babe."

Chapter Text

Luka gently tapped Rin's shoulder to get her attention, then gasped.

"What is it?" Rin asked as she turned.

"You have bones!" Luka smiled. "That will change soon."

Chapter Text

Lily marched toward the door, motioning for Yuuma, who was sitting on the couch, to follow her. "C'mon, Yuu, we're goin' outside."

Yuuma looked up at her incredulously. "We can't. It's raining."

Lily walked closer to him, smirking. "I'm used to the water!" she declared confidently. "I make my girl rain all the-"

Before she could finish her sentence, Yuuma slapped her across the face. "STOP!!! BEIN' NASTY!!" he scolded.

Chapter Text

Len stood at the counter, Rin close behind him, and tallied up the total payment for Gakupo's purchase. "Alright, let's see...a plastic bag with parmesian cheese and lettuce..." He looked up and gave the biggest fake smile he could muster. "Alright, your total is gonna be 26,500."

Gakupo blinked. "...26,500 what?"

"Yen." Rin and Len replied in unison.

Gakupo let a disbelieving chuckle escape him. "I'm sorry, what's costing me ¥26,500?"

Len held up his fingers as he added the prices. "Well, you have the lettuce, the parmesian cheese, and the paper-"

"-and then we added ¥22,600 for your fucking hubris." Rin finished, looking Gakupo dead in the eye.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say to me?!" Gakupo demanded.

"It's your fucking hubris. It says so on the bill." Rin lifted up a piece of paper. Sure enough, underneath the price of Gakupo's order was a large block of text that read, "HUBRIS: ¥22,600."

Gakupo stared at the document in complete and utter shock. However, he soon regained his composure, a vengeful grin spreading across his face. "Fine, fine. That's fine. You know why?" His smile grew even more malicious. Then, he opened his coat to reveal bulging sacks of jangling coins. "I'm paying in change."

Chapter Text

Ia barged into Piko's room without knocking, a habit she had picked up years ago. "Yo, Peek, have you seen my-"

She stopped and gasped as she saw Piko's computer screen. There, on her brother's laptop was an animation of several colorful anthropomorphic foxes...

Dancing. Upbeat EDM music was playing in the background. The foxes were having good, wholesome, innocent fun, despite their unusual color schemes and anime bangs.

Piko turned around to look at his sister, more annoyed than anything. "Do you mind? I'm watching fucking Eevee Party."

Chapter Text

Daina hummed with pleasure as she swallowed a bite of her sandwich. "Maybe it's just 'cause I'm hungry, but this tastes really good."

Dex nodded, holding a similar sandwich. "No, no, it does. Oliver's just really, really good at making sandwiches."

"Yeah, I might go see if he made any more."

Meanwhile, from the kitchen's countertops, where another sandwich was being made, Avanna gazed at the two with tears beginning to well up in her eyes.

To herself, she whispered, "Oliver isn't even here..."

Chapter Text

Lily walked into the living room and gasped. There, lying on the ground, was none other than her girlfriend, Gumi. She looked like she had passed out.

"Oh my god!" Lily ran over and picked up her girlfriend, shaking her. "Gumi, babe, are you awake?! Speak to me!"

Gumi coughed, her eyes barely fluttering open. She caressed the side of Lily's face as she struggled to speak. "I...I..."

"You what?!" Lily prompted, panic evident in her voice.

"I..." Gumi coughed once more. "I know this pretty rave girl-"

Chapter Text

Len groaned and buried his face in his hands, frustration practically radiating from his form. "Oh my fucking god, you can't do that. You can't go to the fucking restaurant and buy the goddamn building with gift cards."

Rin was on the verge of tears from laughing so hard. "But if-"

Len held up a hand to stop her, fury in his eyes. "If you finish that goddamn sentence, I will fucking destroy you. You CAN'T use gift cards to buy the fucking restaurant, because you can only use gift cards to buy shit that's on the fucking MENU."

"Well, how else are you supposed to purchase a franchise?"

Len's eyes turned so wide Rin thought they were going to pop out of his head. "WITH MONEY!!!!"

Chapter Text

Kaito froze, terrified, as he accidentally dropped the plate on the ground. It smashed to pieces, rendering the whole room silent.

Finally, Meiko spoke up, fury blooming in her eyes. "Kaito..." she growled warningly.

The only thing Kaito could think to do was say, "Um...Top 30 Reasons Why Kaito is Sorry...Number 5 May Shock You..."

Meiko stood from her seat, grabbing a frying pan from the kitchen cabinet. "Top 30 Anime Deaths! Number 1: YOURS."

Kaito screamed in horror as Meiko chased him around the kitchen. The other Vocaloids merely watched in silence before continuing to eat as if nothing had happened.

Chapter Text

Gakupo's face appeared on the television screen for all the Vocaloids to see. He held up a brilliant blue gemstone, beaming triumphantly. "You see this? This is the diamond that I am going to give to my brand new husband or wife. It will be theirs for the rest of time. So if you want-" He was interrupted by the broadcast abruptly cutting off before he could finish his sentence.

"Whoa, he's bisexual! I didn't know that!" Miku said, nodding her head approvingly.

As if in response to her statement, Gakupo popped back up on the screen. "By the way, I'm bisexual."

Chapter Text

Gumi stood, completely petrified, in the middle of the sidewalk. She couldn't do anything at all, literally - her entire body was frozen in place, preventing her from doing anything.

"Why are all my limbs slack?" she said, despite her mouth not being able to move. "Why can't I move my eyes? Why can't I move my mouth? Is this an internal dialogue??" She tried her hardest to move, but to no avail. "I can't see the end of the horizon..."

All of a sudden, a familiar blue figure came out from behind the nearby building. He was short, he was spiky, and he was holding a gun.

If Gumi could move her eyes, they would have widened. Instead, she screamed, "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG???!!!"

Chapter Text

"Hey, doesn't something seem...off to you?" Len asked, looking around. "I could have sworn we had 170 chapters-"

"We do." Rin interrupted. "This is our 170th one."

Len shook his head. "Well yeah, now it is, but I feel like something is...missing..."

Rin tilted her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Len sighed. "It's probably nothing. Let's just think of a punchline to end this with or something."

"Uh..." Rin scrolled through her phone for a Relevant Meme to bring up that surely would not be dated in a few weeks. "...Froggy chair."

Chapter Text

While Meiko was taking Miku for a ride on her electric scooter on their way to get some lunch, a man pulled up next to them on his motorcycle and winked at Miku.

"Hey, sweetheart," he said, with a gross smile, "how'd you like to take a ride on a real bike?"

Before Miku could react, Meiko simply said, "She's sixteen," before pulling out her taser gun to punish him.

Chapter Text

Ryuto peered into his sister's room. "Gumi? What are you-" He paused, confused at the sight before him.

"Oh, hi, Ryu!" Gumi greeted, looking up from her work. She was currently in the process of removing a Furby's skin. "Is there anything you wanted?"

"Uh..." Ryuto had been in his sister's room before, but never while she was working. He pointed at a long strip of artificial fur that was lying on the ground. "What's that?"

"It's the fur for the Long Furby I'm making." Gumi explained, gesturing to the skinned robot.

"What's a Long Furby?"

"Well..." Gumi spun around in her chair, suddenly smiling widely. "You see, when a Furby reaches its true potential, it grows and expands until it reaches Peak Longness. Only then, when they are closest to the heavens, can they reach their true form and set humanity free from its mortal prison. By becoming a god, it can bless its disciples with extraordinary powers."

Ryuto stood there, staring at the shell of machinery that had formerly been known as a Furby. "Really?"

Gumi shook her head. "Nah. I just think they look weird and cursed and I wanted to try making one."

Chapter Text

Len was practically dragging his sister by the arm as he marched down the hallway. "Come on, Rin! You can't be late again! You'll get in serious trouble!"

Rin, who was lying on her back, simply sighed, "I don't caaare..."

Len tugged harder, clearly struggling with his weak arms. "Come...on..."

Suddenly, a particularly hard pull triggered some kind of reflex in Rin's body. One of her legs shot up, kicking Len square in the face.

Len let out a high-pitched yelp and dropped his sister's arm. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" he screamed, clutching his nose.

Rin was too busy laughing her ass off to answer. She looked at Fukase, who had been standing there the whole time, recording everything on his phone.

"I got it in slow-mo!" he cheered, showing the video to Rin. Len groaned and continued to hold his face.

"I fucking hate both of you people," he hissed.

Chapter Text

"Piko, please," Len begged, "it's just a direct-to-video Disney sequel."

"But you don't understand." Piko told him, shaking his head. "Nuka's death is so important. The look in Zira's eyes when she realizes she's been neglecting her oldest son...his last words to her...the fact that she was willing to shove Kovu, her favorite child, out of the way to get to Nuka's body..." He clenched his fist. "Nuka died trying to get his mother's attention because she was too focused on Kovu, and that, in my opinion, is what really causes her to turn on him, not the fact that he failed to kill Simba."

Rin groaned from the top bunk. "Oh my god, it's fucking 3 AM. Shut the fuck up about this furry nonsense."

Chapter Text

Fukase had gone to bed at seven o'clock because he hadn't slept at all the night before and he really just wanted to snooze. He woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, but stopped because he saw Len's wide eyes under the light of his Nintendo Switch.

"Dude," Fukase muttered, "it's like...one in the morning."

"Yeah?"

"Didn't you go to bed, like, three hours ago?"

"I was gonna, but I realized I'm so close to completing the final Nook Miles goal for collecting clams." Len narrowed his eyes. "Just seven more. Just seven more and I'll never feel like my life depends on stopping to dig up every clam I see when I'm just walking on the beach minding my own business ever again. I'll finally be free."

Fukase placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you, like...okay?"

Len smiled. "Not in the slightest."

Chapter Text

Oliver stood onstage in front of a large crowd of people, who were all getting ready to take notes. He cleared his throat, preparing to start his lecture.

"Kirby's origins are vague," he began, gesturing to a whiteboard behind him that had a picture of Kirby on it. "Let me take a moment to move over to a different board so I can show you Kirby's origin story."

True to his word, he walked over to another whiteboard that was covered by a large tarp. He pulled it away, revealing a completely blank board. He stood in silence for a moment, watching the crowd's confused faces.

"THERE'S NOTHING HERE!" he yelled, his voice echoing throughout the lecture hall.

Chapter Text

Rin and Iroha were sitting on the couch together, playing video games. Out of nowhere, Rin asked, "Babe, if you were a ghost, what color would you be? Don't say pink."

Without warning, Iroha slammed her controller on the ground in a fit of unexpected rage. "Okay, no, I hate that! No! You don't understand!" She took a moment to pick her controller back up, pause the game, and throw it back down again. "That is one of my least favorite things! WHAT IS THE POINT of asking something like that?!"

All the while, Rin was laughing, caught off-guard by her girlfriend's sudden anger.

Iroha continued, "It's like, for example, if someone asked me, 'What's your favorite Sanrio character? By the way, you can't say Hello Kitty.' THEN WHAT DO I SAY???!! HELLO KITTY'S MY FAVORITE SANRIO CHARACTER!!! What, do you want me to answer WRONG?! YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU SOMETHING NOT TRUE???!!!"

At this point, tears were rolling down Rin's eyes as she struggled to recover from her laughter. Iroha took a deep breath, rubbing the sides of her head.

"Holy shit," Rin wheezed, "are you okay?"

Iroha took a few more deep breaths before turning to face Rin, smiling as if nothing had ever happened. "Yep!"

Chapter Text

"And- and then-" Lily paused, stifling an onslaught of giggles. "He fuckin' - you're not gonna believe this - he turns himself into a pickle. Can you fuckin' believe it?" She wheezed with laughter, nearly doubling over. "A pickle! I'm not kidding! Funniest shit I've ever seen!"

Luka, who had been silent the entire time, looked Lily dead in the eye with a bland, unamused look. "Bruh, that's hilarious. You're killing me."

Chapter Text

The sky was pitch black and the streets were completely empty when Ryuto opened his bedroom window. Carefully, silently, he listened to make sure he hadn't disturbed his sister, who was in the room next to his. Then, he tossed a rope down the window and climbed stealthily onto the ground below.

He walked for at least five minutes all the way to the next block, stopping when he reached a payphone. He opened it, went inside, inserted some coins into the slot, and called a familiar number. After a few rings on the other end, someone picked up. He smiled.

"Hi, Gumi!" he said. "It's 3 AM. Do you know where I am right now?"

Chapter Text

The whole Crypton household was undergoing a massive spring cleaning effort. Rin and Len were going through some old boxes filled with childhood drawings, putting them into a drawer for safekeeping.

"Oh my god," Rin said, "I found a letter you wrote to the main character of Twilight when you were 5 years old."

Len's head shot up. "What?!"

Rin giggled and began reading aloud.

"Dear Edward,

Hello, my name is Kagamine Len. I am 5 years old and I love watching Twilight. I think you are a very handsome vampire. I have a doll of you, a notebook of you, a-"

"Give me that!!" Len demanded, snatching the letter away. His face burned brighter and brighter the more he read it over. Then, Meiko walked into the room.

"Hey, kids! How's the cleaning going?" she asked cheerfully.

Len turned on her, shoving the letter in her face. "YOU TOLD ME YOU SENT THIS!!!"

Chapter Text

"Wow!" Gumi marveled, looking out the window. It was currently pouring rain, thunder and lighting rumbling and flashing in the sky. "Miku, your prediction came true! You said there would be a storm today, and there was!"

Miku smiled at her friend. "That's not the only thing I can predict!"

Gumi looked at her with wide eyes. "What do you mean?"

Miku remained silent for a long time, her smile becoming slightly eerie. When she finally did speak, she said, "November 30, 2032."

Gumi blinked, confused. "Wh...Miku, what does that mean?"

Miku didn't say anything. She just continued to stare at Gumi, grinning. Then, she turned around and walked out of the room without another word.

"Wait, Miku! What does that mean?!" Gumi tried to race after her, but she was gone. "MIKU?!"

Chapter Text

Luka stood dramatically at the front of the room, facing Lily, who was sitting at a desk.

"Final question," she declared, "you have a dinner date at 7. What time do you arrive?"

"7...A.M.," Lily responded. "Case the restaurant, run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not, I gotta kill him. Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy, no later than 4:30."

Luka smiled proudly at her student. "You are ready."

Lily's eyes widened. "Really?"

"No." Luka's smile shifted from proud to smug. "Everything you just said was insane."

Chapter Text

Gumi and Lily were getting rid of some old books when Gumi paused at one with a brightly illustrated cover. "What's this?" she asked aloud. "'Terinten Elementary School Yearbook'?"

"Oh my god!" Lily cried, reaching for it. "I remember this! They gave it to us after fifth grade to celebrate us moving up to middle school!" She opened it up and skimmed through the pages, stopping to laugh at one of them. "Babe, look!"

Gumi glanced at where her girlfriend was pointing. There, above her finger, was a picture of what was clearly a very young Lily, smiling just as confidently as she did in adulthood.

"Aww, how cute!" Gumi gushed. She noticed there was writing next to the image and paused to read it. "'My favorite Terinten memory was when my best friend Yuuma dared me to lick the swingset. I got sick the next day at school, so I punched him in the face. We got in trouble, but it was worth it.'"

She looked up at Lily, who seemed especially proud of herself. "Hell yeah, it was."

Chapter Text

"What is that?" Luka asked, pointing to a large, unmoving bug on the ceiling.

Meiko stood on her toes to get a closer look. "Looks like a mosquito...but I think it's dead." As if in response to her statement, one of its legs twitched, causing both of them to cry out in alarm. "NO, NO, WAIT, IT'S ALIVE!!!"

"KILL IT, KILL IT!" Luka shrieked, backing as far away as she could.

Meiko jumped up and tried to smack the creature with one of her shoes, but she couldn't reach. "YOU'RE TALLER THAN ME!! WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?!!"

"BECAUSE I-" Luka paused, lowering her voice in embarrassment. "Because I'm afraid of bugs!"

"WELL, SO AM I!" Meiko declared. Then, the bug fell to the ground, once again prompting both of them to emit a high, piercing scream. Immediately, Meiko began stomping on the bug over and over again until she was sure it wasn't moving. When it was all over, the two of them were left standing on opposite sides of the kitchen, panting like they had just run the longest marathon of their lives.

A sudden noise from the doorway alerted them. They turned to see Miku standing there, wide-eyed, clearly having been woken up from her slumber. She was still wearing pajamas, and her turquoise hair was messy and missing her signature twintails. She looked back and forth between Luka and Meiko, trying to discern the source of their panic, and gasped, "What happened here?!"

Chapter Text

All was quiet in the Crypton Car (which was what Meiko called their vehicle. It didn't catch on to anybody except her). All six of the Cryptonloids were crammed inside, with the Kagamine twins in particular having to be stacked on top of one another. Perhaps this was why the ride was so silent; the normally chatty twins hated being forced into one car seat.

Meiko decided she had enough of the eerie silence. "Hey, gang, why don't we all say a fun bit of trivia? Nothin' like sharing what we know!"

For a moment, nobody responded. Then, to everyone's surprise, Luka spoke up. "Did you know that, even with seatbelts on, people die all the time in car crashes?" She didn't look away from the window, but a faint smile was growing on her face. "I just thought that was interesting."

Everybody else fidgeted uncomfortably. "Damn, alright," Meiko murmured resentfully, "sorry I asked."

Chapter Text

Miku, Rin, and Luka were walking together among a rolling field, finally reunited after what felt like many years. Miku looked up at Luka and smiled apologetically. "Sorry it took us so long to save you from Time Prison, Luka," she said. "What did you do in Time Prison, anyway?"

Luka paused, seemingly lost in thought. "Well..." Her gaze hardened as she stared at her own hands. "After 50 years, I started to feel like I was losing my sanity, so I started to break my fingers. I would just break them and reset them again. I started breaking all my bones. Soon, I broke every bone in my hands. I broke my arms separately, and then I started to break my own ribs. I broke my femurs - that took a while. And then I healed and broke them again."

Miku and Rin glanced at each other uncomfortably. Miku opened her mouth to speak, but Luka wasn't done.

"After 5,000 years, my bones were all scar tissue. They had all grown so solidly back together that I was unable to move. And after another 5,000 years of furious infinitesimal movement, I built up enough muscle mass to spontaneously break any bone in my body, and then I could move again. My body had done so much healing that I healed almost instantly." She shook her head solemnly. "That is all I do now. Every time I move my body, my bones shatter and heal back into my next shape. If I take a single step, every bone in my legs splinters and then reforms. I don't know what pain is because I have been alive for 10 million years."

Silence. Then, Rin spoke up, her voice rising skeptically. "Alright, but...it looks like you're just walking normally?"

Luka nodded. "I know."

Rin rolled her eyes. "Okay, well, that's stupid."

Chapter Text

Upon hearing the sounds of sniffling and quiet sobs cone from their room, Gumi opened the door to see Miku curled up in bed staring at her phone through teary eyes.

"Miku? What's wrong?" Gumi quickly approached her and climbed up on the bed beside her. From there, she saw a video with pit bulls playing on Miku's phone screen.

Miku sniffled, without looking up at Gumi, "These dogs have been hurt so much, but they're still happy to see the people rescuing them...and they go through such awful things, too..."

Gumi smiled, kissed Miku's tear-stained cheek, and snuggled up against her without needing to say a word.

Chapter Text

Kaito was minding his own business, scrolling through Twitter Dot Com, when he noticed an unusual word he had never seen before. He narrowed his eyes as he tried to make sense of it, but he could not figure out what it meant from context. He turned around, noticing Meiko walking by, and flagged her down.

"Meiko?" he asked when he had caught her attention. "What is a 'kinnie'?"

Meiko blinked, just as confused. "What?" She bent down to look at Kaito's phone, where he was showing her the strange Tweet that he had read. "I...have no idea what that means. Must be some fancy word for 'cool' or something that the kids are sayin' nowadays."

Kaito nodded. "Oh, okay! That makes sense!" He smiled, thinking the word over in his mind. At that moment, he got a text from Len, who had sent a selfie of him and his sister into the Cryptonloid group chat.

As soon as Kaito saw the picture, he knew it was his chance to show how hip he was with the youngsters. He typed up a reply and quickly hit "send."

Kaito: Wow Len, you guys look like total kinnies!

Len: we look like WHAT

Chapter Text

lesBEEan: hey babes i have an idea

gumi bear: oh no.....what is it....

Megurine Luka: Oh, god.

lesBEEan: we should sing the story of undertale song.......

lesBEEan: in TEXT FORM

Megurine Luka: No.

gumi bear: ok......

lesBEEan: ill start

lesBEEan: WHOOAAAAA OHHH OHHHHHH OH OHHH OHHHHHH

Megurine Luka: Stop.

gumi bear: story of undertale

Megurine Luka: I don't love you anymore.

lesBEEan: i fell from the light!

Megurine Luka: I want to break up.

gumi bear: talk or should i fight???

lesBEEan: monster genocide!

Megurine Luka: Hoe.

gumi bear: this my Under Tale

Chapter Text

Lily got down on one knee, gently taking one of Gumi's hands in her own. "Gumi, babe...there's something very special I want to ask you right now."

Gumi's heart beat furiously in her chest as she looked down at her girlfriend. "Y-yes?"

"Gumi...would you..." Lily looked up at her, eyes sparkling in the dim light of the fading sunset. "Would you still date me if I was a worm?"

Gumi blinked. "...What."

"If I was a worm. Y'know, funny little guys who squirm around in the dirt?" Lily made a little wiggling motion with her finger in an attempt to imitate a worm. "If I was a worm, would you still date me? Cuz, like, kissing would be really hard. We might just have to, like, touch heads or something."

Gumi stared at her for a long, long time. Then, with a sigh, she walked back inside her house.

"Hey, wait, Goom!" Lily called after her, pounding on her door. "You didn't answer my question!!"

Chapter Text

Kaito waved at the camera, which was being held up by Len. "Hey, what's up, guys? It's me, Kaito, and today I'm gonna be running through the streets of Tokyo with a pack of wild lesbians! They're gonna chase after me and help me ask people questions!"

Gumi, Lily, Luka, Flower, and Maika all started to wave as well as Len moved the camera to get all of them in the shot.

"Come on, let's go!" Kaito called, running down the sidewalk. The girls all followed him, charging forward with their hands held high. "Let's go! Let's go, lesbians, let's go!"

Len struggled to keep up as he followed the ragtag group of lesbians (and Kaito) as they ran, shouting to the bystanders, "Make way! Make way, we got lesbians coming through!"

They stopped in front of a random civilian, and Kaito looked behind him to make sure all the lesbians were with him. He turned to the stranger and asked, "Excuse me, sir, are you willing to answer this question for ¥100?"

The stranger was obviously confused, but he nodded.

"Okay, so!" Kaito had to pause for a minute to catch his breath. "Who do you think is sexier, Reol or Lon?"

The stranger blinked. "Uh...Reol?"

The lesbians all huddled into a group to consult one another, speaking in hushed voices. Then, when they were finished, Luka turned toward Kaito with a decisive nod. "Reol."

"The lesbians have spoken! You are correct!" Kaito cried. He pulled a ¥100 coin out of his pocket and handed it to the man, waving for the lesbians to follow him again. "Come on, let's go, lesbians!"

Before he ran to join them, Len shot a sympathetic look at the man. "It's pride month," he said, as if that explained everything, and he ran to join the rest of his friends.

Chapter Text

Lily was lying sprawled out on the couch, staring at the ceiling with wide eyes. "I can't believe she said no!"

Yuuma patted her on the shoulder. "Well, she did."

All of a sudden, Lily stood up, fire blazing in her eyes. "No, no! I am furious!" She got up and walked to the far side of the room, where a piano lay against the wall. Much to Yuuma's surprise, she began to play expertly, a sad melody rising from the keys. Then, she opened her mouth and began to sing passionately.

"Luuuuuukaaa,

Come back to me!

Luuuuuuukaaaaa,

I'd cross a goddamn sea!"

Yuuma was trying to hold back surprised laughter, mostly because he was not expecting Lily to be so good at playing the piano.

"Luuuuuuukaaaaa!

I need you in my life!

I want you to be..."

She paused, trying to think of what to say next.

"My fish wife!"

And with that, she finished her song, concluding by smashing her face into the piano keys. Yuuma, from the couch, began to clap and cheer. "Whooooo! Encore, encore!"

"Fuck you."

Chapter Text

In Mario Party 4, there are items called mini mushrooms that you have to use in order to pass through a gate.

Len, Piko and Fukase, as Mario Party geniuses, knew this, and so when the one CPU player in their game, Mario himself, used a mini mushroom, they all fully expected him to use the gate that was literally right in front of him, just after the space used to choose a path.

Mario instead chose the path that led away from the gate.

Len recoiled from his shock. "W-wait, what?"

"What!?" Piko shouted at the screen. "You PUSS!"

As Fukase tried to suppress his laughter, Len slowly turned to Piko. "Did you call...Mario a puss? Where are you from?"

Chapter Text

"What?" Rin gasped. "W-why would a My Little Pony character say woke?"

"Uh...I dunno, I didn't actually see the episode, but..."

As Iroha tried to explain, Rin frantically Google searched on her phone "WHY DOES FLUTTERSHY SAY WOKE" and found a YouTube video of a scene from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Season 8 Episode 4 "Fake It 'Til You Make It." She watched it right there in front of Iroha, clamping her hand over her mouth in shock.

For the next hour or so, Rin paced around the room in hysterics. "You don't understand. Not only does she say woke, but she prefaces it with shit like 'I've got this highkey savage look for you' and 'it'll make the whole squad go whoa that pony is woke.' Why the fuck does she say that. Season one to five Fluttershy would never say that. Why the FUCK does a character in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic call an outfit WOKE? THAT'S NOT WHAT THAT WORD MEANS FLUTTERSHY. FLUTTERSHY PLEASE. PLEASE STOP. I AM BEGGING YOU HASBRO. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD."

Chapter Text

When Rin stretched and left her tummy exposed, Iroha took the chance to reach and tickle it with her fingers to hear her sweet adorable laughter.

"Nooooo!" Rin grabbed Iroha's wrists to restrain her before speaking in a little voice. "ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃⁿ'ᵗ ᵈᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗᵎ ᵀʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ᵃᵍᵃᶦⁿˢᵗ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵘˡᵉˢᵎ"

"What are the rules?" Iroha asked.

"ᴰᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵗᶦᶜᵏˡᵉ ᵐᵉ ᴵ'ᵐ ᵗᶦᶜᵏˡᶦˢʰᵎ"

Chapter Text

Gumi woke up to a shifting presence next to her. Groggily, she turned over to look at Lily, who was sitting upright in bed.

"Lily?" Gumi asked, squinting in the darkness. "What are you doing?"

Lily didn't look down, instead staring in the direction of the bedroom door. "I'm thirsty," she said, her voice trembling.

"Then...go get a glass of water?" Gumi started to sit up, annoyance written all over her face.

"I can't." Lily shook her head, burying it in her hands. "I can't because what if Five Nights At Freddy's is at...the fridge?"

Chapter Text

"Boy," said Maika, "it sure was fun to sing for Vocaloid producer ch--"

Avanna then burst into the room to clamp her hand over Maika's mouth. "What do you think you're doing?"

Flower, who was sitting beside Maika, shrugged. "Hey, music is expensive. It's not really that...outrageous if someone wants to be paid for their work."

Gumi nodded. "And if they don't get paid, they'll probably be more eager to promote their work however they--"

"I know that! But don't you know the rules?" Avanna whipped out a paper that just had the following screenshot printed onto it:

"If we ask for money from our loving fans here in any way," Avanna said, "we'll be EXECUTED!"

"Damn," murmured Flower.

Gumi shrugged. "Ah well, it's not like too many people would want to buy [REDACTED] anyway."

Chapter Text

Lily stared blankly at the television, bored out of her mind. She didn't normally watch TV, but she had nothing better to do, so she was just idly flipping through channels in the hopes of finding something remotely interesting.

Wonder what's on Disney XD, she thought to herself, flipping over to said channel. Maybe Gravity Falls or Phineas and Ferb was on. She liked those shows when they were still airing.

Instead, she was greeted with a most unexpected sight. There, on the television screen, was a man she hadn't seen in many, many years, playing a video game and commentating over it. His swear words were censored by "comical" animal noises, which shocked her. What was even more shocking, however, was the identity of the man himself.

"Is that fucking MARKIPL-"

Chapter Text

Rin slid into the kitchen, a plate of waffles balanced precariously in her hands. She crept up behind Len, who was minding his own business at the table, and began to sing, startling him.

"Ohhhh, waffle time, it's waffle time! Won't you have some waffles of mine?"

She extended her plate toward Len, who looked more annoyed than amused.

"For the last time, Rin," he began, rubbing his temples, "I don't know what a waffle is!"

Chapter Text

The Cryptonloids gathered around the table, all of them looking around in panic. Cries of "where?!" came from each of them, except for Len, who had called the emergency meeting in the first place.

"I found the body in medbay," he explained once everyone had quieted down.

"It's Rin!" Miku said instantly, pointing across the table.

Rin looked shocked and annoyed. "What? I was nowhere near medbay!"

"It's Rin!" Miku repeated, jabbing her finger even harder in Rin's direction. "I saw her vent!"

Len lowered his head thoughtfully. "I mean, I didn't see anyone there, so I assume they vented."

"Miku's lying! It's her!" Rin insisted.

Meiko shook her head. "I dunno. Rin seems pretty sus to me."

Len looked his sister in the eye, studying her carefully. "Was anyone with you, Rin?"

Rin fidgeted uncomfortably, rubbing her arm. "Well, no...but that doesn't mean-"

"She vented! She vented! She vented!" Miku was practically jumping up and down as she spoke.

"I guess we're voting Rin, then?" Luka asked, barely interested in the conversation.

"Guess so." Meiko replied, nodding decisively.

"No, wait! It's not me, I swear!" Rin gazed at each of them with wide, pleading eyes, but none of them showed her any sympathy...all except for Kaito, who simply murmured, "Um...I'll skip."

Len shook his head. "Sorry, Rin, but it's obviously you."

Rin slammed her hands on the table. "You know what?! Fuck you all!"

Rin was not The Impostor.

Chapter Text

Len watched his sister pace back and forth, her headphones bouncing around. He couldn't hear exactly what she was listening to, but she seemed to be super into it.

"Hey, you mind if I take a listen?" he asked once she calmed down.

Rin smiled. "Sure!"

She offered Len her headphones, which he accepted. Upon putting them on, however, he was immediately greeted by loud, chaotic noise. It hardly sounded musical at all, and he couldn't even make out what the singer was saying.

"Wow," he said, taking the headphones off. "It, uh..."

"Fucking sucks?" Rin asked. "Yeah, I know. You get used to it."

Chapter Text

Flower crossed her arms and gazed down at Mikoto. "Quiet down, small man."

Mikoto smirked. "Gender."

Hime came barreling down the hall with a big grin on their face. "I own seven pairs of crocs!"

Chapter Text

It was a normal day for the siblings, who had all decided to hang out together for some unknown reason. Rin and Len, Hime and Mikoto, Anon and Kanon, Nana and Petit, and Merli and Lapis were all having a pleasant picnic in the park. Then, all of a sudden, their heads shot up, and they all became extremely worried.

"Oh, no..." Len murmured, clutching his forehead with a sigh.

"It's the Freak Alarm!" Hime wailed.

"What's the Freak Alarm?" Anon wondered. "I just hear this strange buzzing sound in my head!"

"That just means someone's being a gross freak who thinks incest is hot," Nana explained. "Don't worry, we'll take care of it."

Many of them pulled out their phones and typed in the exact same password. In an instant, they were transported to a dusty, dirty-looking room, where a sweaty man sat at his computer, typing away.

"Hey, buddy," Rin said, cracking her knuckles. "Wanna explain yourself?"

The man whipped around, terrified to see the angry siblings behind him. His eyes darted back and forth between them and his screen.

"Uh...it's just fiction?" he stammered.

Mikoto laughed, pulling out a chainsaw from nowhere. "Oh, don't worry, then," they said, a sadistic glint in their eyes. "This is fictional, too."

What followed were several minutes of the man's screams, interlaced with the angry buzzing of the chainsaw.

Chapter Text

"Maika," Flower said, "I already played that song. Three times."

"Yeah, 'cause it's good!" Maika clasped her hands together. "Pleeeease? I'll give you lots and lots of kisses! I'll take you out for a really nice dinner! And then for some ice cream!"

Flower sighed and smiled as she spoke into the microphone on the DJ booth. "Sorry, everyone. I can't resist her charms."

Everyone on the dance floor groaned as the song started playing for the fourth time, and Maika began dancing and shouting along for the fourth time.

"This hit that ICE COLD! Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold--"