Chapter Text
To say that Chuuya was suspicious was an understatement.
Fyodor, the greatest asshole that wants to destroy the world, was sitting innocently in a seat in his own home.
“Ah, You’re home! I was wondering when you’d be back.” He said chipperly, and he couldn’t help but think ‘Dazai’ when he reminded him of someone.
“Why the fuck are you in my house? Get out.” He said and the man hummed.
“You want me out, yet you want to know~” He said and he Tsked.
“Either fucking tell me why You’re in my house, or get the fuck out.” He said and the taller male sighed with a smile.
“I’m here to make a proposition. You want to get back at Dazai yes?” He asked and Chuuya sat down in front of the brown-haired male.
“I’m intrigued. Continue.” He said curtly. The Russian continued.
“Well I want to make Dazai suffer. You see, he has a crush on you, Chuuya-San.” He said and Chuuya blinked.
“You’ve lost me.” He muttered gaining a chuckle.
“My apologies. Dazai is in love with you, Chuuya. He can deny it all he wants, but it’s obvious. At least to me it is.” He smiled leaning forward. “So, how about we make him jealous by pretending to date?” He asked and Chuuya had half a mind to throw his recently poured glass of wine at the man.
“Okay, one, why should I believe you, mister ‘I want to destroy the world’. Two, Dazai isn’t in love with me, he hates me as much as I hate him. Three, hypothetically let’s say I believe you. What do you get out of Dazai being jealous? What’s in it for me?” He asked and Fyodor sighed.
“Ahhh, and I was here hoping that you were the idiot Dazai makes you out to be.” He sighed, and Chuuya felt his hatred for Dazai grow just a little bit. “Believe me or don’t, Dazai does love you, despite his stupid ways of showing it. What’s in it for me getting Dazai Jealous? Well, he’ll be more fun to toy with and destroy later on. You? You get to rub it in that you truly have no feelings for him, going so far to date someone who is his complete enemy. It’ll crush him completely, and wouldn’t that be a sight to behold?” He said and Chuuya sighed.
“Alright, still gives me no reason to believe you. For all I know, you could be working with Dazai, both working to manipulate and humiliate me. Besides, if this doesn’t work and Dazai is obviously not crushed beyond comprehension, what do I get out of it?” He asked and Fyodor sighed again.
“You don’t make this easy do you?” He asked.
“You came to me; you should have done your research Fyodor.” He said and the Russian chuckled.
“Alright, if this whole proposal doesn’t work and I am wrong about Dazai’s feelings, then I’ll owe you. Let’s say I’m taking over the world, you can always tell me to spare certain people. Even Dazai if you’re feeling merciful. Or if you just need my help with something like... Infiltrating and hacking some high-tech place that you need to destroy. You know those types of favours.” He said and Chuuya make a ‘makes sense’ facial expression before returning to normal. “Not only that, I wouldn’t willingly work with Dazai. If anything, I’m only going to stab him in the back by the end of it if I was working with him.” Chuuya contemplated.
“Alright, I’ll humour you for a while. Say I agree, what happens? The plan?” He asked and Fyodor Chuckled.
“Wanting to know what you’re getting yourself into?” He asked and Chuuya sighed.
“I’ll trust Dazai and his insane schemes because I know that they work. You on the other hand, I know jack shit about. So I’d rather know, rather than not know.” He said and Fyodor nodded approvingly.
“It seems that you’re not as stupid as Dazai makes it out to seem. Well, there was two ways we can go about it. One where we make you seems like the victim and putting you under a ‘Love Drug’. I’ll have to actually get the drug, but it’s an idea. The other is that you’ll have to act like you love me, which’ll be harder, but it’ll look real and hurt Dazai more.” He suggested and Chuuya grimaced at the thought of a ‘love Drug’.
“No Drugs, just no.” He said and Fyodor nodded.
“Understandable.”
Chuuya sighed, and leaned back. On one hand he can get a favour from Fyodor if this doesn’t work. On the other, he could make Dazai crumble if he really does love him.
The sadistic side of him was chuckling in glee at the thought, the more humane side of him winced at making someone hurt over almost nothing.
Dazai in love with him. It was hard to imagine in all honesty.
“Alright, I’ll play along with this game of yours. However, I will be the onelaying down the laws and rules of what I can accept.” He eventually said and Fyodor, who was looking bored instantly perked up.
“Alright, shall we write these rules down?” He suggested, bringing out a pen and paper out of fucking nowhere.
The rules were simple.
- Nothing more than Kissing unless given explicit permission.
- Nothing sexual without explicit consent and an in depth conversation.
Will result in either a) a Slap b) no kneecaps or c) Lack of Penis. - Warning in advance when they’re meant to act.
- No surprise kissing or make out sessions.
- Minor Flirting allowed. Nothing too sexual.
- Limited pet names are okay.
Absolutely nothing relating to Chuuya’s height. Will result in no knee caps. - Chuuya is allowed to add rules if he deems it necessary and Fyodor finds a loop hole that can bypass any one of these rules.
Signed: Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Chuuya Nakahara.
They copied the Rules out, and signed it again, so each had a copy. Chuuya keeping the original. Chuuya was planning on keeping as many copies in case Fyodor decided he wanted to fuck Chuuya over.
So the game began, and Chuuya wondered what he got himself into.