Work Text:
<Yue>
Send me your worst Ash memes.
<Egghead>
what the fuck
Eiji is showing me his very extensive folder
of boring Ash photos while waxing poetic.
I need to wash my eyes.
And maybe convince Eiji to
crush on someone else.
wow!!!11!!
have u considered
killing god while ur at it???
It was a joke.
Everyone and their grandma knows
they’re nauseatingly inseparable.
Just give me the stupid Ash photos dammit.
my dude
what makes u think i have the goods
You and Ash both share the same brain cell?
The one that is academically gifted
at the cost of zero common sense?
I know you have that picture of Ash
soaking a fried egg in the bathroom.
he added too much salt n
wanted to wash it off!!!
Then do it at the fucking
kitchen sink you heathens!
bold of u to assume ash's kitchen
sink wasn’t clogged
bae had to visit his shit uncle that week
so the kitchen was not maintained at a l l
Eiji said Alex only cleans the
kitchen like twice a week.
yea?? what’s ur point?
Oh my God.
You fucking neanderthals.
Absolutely disgusting.
You almost don’t deserve the exclusive
cryptid photos of Eiji that I’m willing
to exchange for Egg Ash.
hey now
we welcome aaaaaaall incarnations of
Eiji Okumura in this household
especially the cryptid ones!!!
but i gotta stay true to my other
half of the brain cell
so no Egg Ash ™
Shorter Wong Chiu Wai.
oh wow r we trying to assert dominance now
breaking out the gwang dong wah*???
Yeet Yut Lung Lee dai dai**
I swear.
If you weren’t Sing’s cousin.
ditto lmao
i mean u aint half bad but like
if my little man aint going out with u
i would have thrown so many
hands holy shit
and u know what??? i could just
ask Sing for the cryptid eijis
u send him everything
im 150% sure he has them lmao
UGHHHHHHHHH
Y E E T
<You have blocked xx-xxx-xxx (Egghead), tap on settings to change>
That's the last time I ever unblock Shorter. Yut Lung grumbled, even though he knew very well that he would definitely break that vow when Sing's birthday came around.
But first, he had to settle the other matter at hand.
He turned his phone off just as he faced the culprit lamenting on the sofa, DSLR camera in hand, eyes glued to the screen while he shuffled through the same photos of Ash doing the most mundane things.
Like Ash eating junk food. Ash watching television. Ash breathing. Ash existing-
“He's so cool and intelligent and handsome." Eiji Okumura, pining extraordinaire, actually had the gall to sigh wistfully as he showed him a picture of Ash deadass pouring coffee into his energy drink.
“Intelligent huh.” Yut Lung cringed so hard he felt it in the depths of his soul. The phrase "love is blind" has never been more applicable.
Handsome? Yeah maybe. Cool? Highly debatable. But intelligent? He still had receipts from the time Ash almost burnt down his apartment complex because the neanderthal forgot to add water to his mac and cheese. There was also the washing egg thing.
Never mind how almost 90% of their class had a major crush on Ash Lynx-- they're all idiots.
Maybe except for Eiji.
Maybe.
"He's just so good and I'm just-" A sigh escaped from the sofa. "-maybe confessing isn't a good idea."
Okay never mind.
He's got the biggest idiot of them all sprawled on the sofa in front of him.
"I can't believe you just said that." He scoffed, arms crossed as he sat on the couch next to Eiji. "Eiji you've been literally putting this off for years ! Everyone and their grandma knows you're both basically soulmates at this point!"
"But-"
"Your parents invited him to spend New Years with them. All the way in Japan. Your sister calls him big brother! Hell, Griffin Callenreese even calls you his little bro for fuck’s sake! How could you miss that? If Lao did that with me that I would have perished instantly ."
"She clearly did that to annoy me-"
"I don't even know why Ash still pays for his apartment when he's here 99% of the time. I was very surprised to find that he wasn't here to growl at me today."
"Yut Lung-"
"Look into my eyes Eiji." Yut Lung gripped his shoulders tight as he made direct eye contact with the boy clutching his DSLR like a lifeline. "Swear to me that the three family sized tubs of bland-ass yoghurt in your fridge isn't for one Ash Lynx."
Eiji blinked owlishly, his mouth gaping before he repeated what he said in all seriousness.
"I swear the three family sized tubs of bland-ass yoghurt in my fridge isn't for one Ash Lynx."
"Oh my god you're so-" Yut Lung wanted to scream. Eiji's clownery was of an especially high quality today.
"Eiji you're legit so fucking lactose intolerant it's not even funny. And only one person eats that brand of bland ass food and it rhymes with "trash stinks". You're such a crap liar holy shit."
"But-" Eiji pursed his lips, lowering his DSLR to reveal a contemplative expression. "Ash didn't say anything-"
"Ash is chickenshit." And was also apparently way more self-deprecating when his weird relationship with Eiji was involved-- Yut Lung had seen this firsthand and he had even felt bad for the asshole.
Ash Lynx was infuriatingly good at everything and he knew it.
Except when it came to Eiji.
Ash thought Eiji was too good for him. Eiji thought Ash was too good for him. Rinse and repeat.
Yut Lung was determined to turn off this damn washing machine of seemingly unrequited love if it was the last thing he did-
"What if Alex liked Ash too? I don't want get in between that-"
“Oh my god," Yut Lung was about to go insane. Alex was literally sucking face with Shorter yesterday right in front of him and Eiji Okumura had the nerve to spew this kind of bullshit. What the fuck.
With a frustrated groan, he grabbed Eiji's shoulder and shook him. Hard.
"Aren't you tired of being kind Eiji? Don't you ever just want to go apeshit?”
Eiji blinked owlishly yet again.
“What's stopping me from doing both?”
"Why are you like this.” Yut Lung loved Eiji as a friend, but he also really couldn’t stand him sometimes. It was a bit ironic, because it’s usually the other way round.
“Why can't you use that energy to just, you know-- tell Ash you like him? "
"What energy?"
"The animal crossing character energy-- the cute but feral energy." Yut Lung groaned, his head in his hands. "Look Eiji. I digress. The truth of the matter is-- if your friendship with Ash is so fragile that this confession will tear you both apart, then by all means, wallow in your unrequited love. But you know Ash well enough to be the judge of that. Hell, you know him best after his older brother. You’re family to him Eiji.”
"I guess…” Eiji gingerly placed his camera back onto the table. “I feel like there’s something there but I don’t know if I’m overthinking it. I really don’t want to lose him.”
“Oh my god.” Yut Lung was going to go fucking feral himself .
“Uh. Yut Lung? Hey Yut-- wait where are you going?”
“We’re going to Chang Dai.” Yut Lung sniffed loudly as he put on his coat, his hand then gesturing at the door. “I need custard buns to replenish the amount of brain cells I’ve lost in this past hour, and you clearly can’t be left alone with that camera.”
“You can’t lose brain cells if you don’t have any.” Eiji laughed at the sound of him gasping at the insult, but he did do as Yut Lung requested, jumping off the couch to get his own winter outerwear from the coat hanger. "Haha what's with the face-"
"How-" He gasped again, affronted. "How dare you-"
“Did I say that applied to you?”
“One day Eiji Okumura, I swear to god-” but then a flash of horrible piss yellow caught his eye. All thoughts of sneakily switching the keys on Eiji’s keyboard in retaliation had flown out of the window at the sight of that atrocity.
“Eiji you-” Yut Lung hissed at the rag that was wrapped around Eiji’s neck. “Eiji what the fuck are you wearing?”
“It’s my lucky scarf!” Eiji chirped and actually dug his face deeper into the monstrosity, like the shoddily knitted scarf wasn’t the scratchiest looking thing on the planet. But Yut Lung knew. He knew the goofy smile painting his face could only mean one thing.
But even Yut Lung had to admit that Ash actually had pretty good fashion sense. So it really didn’t make sense for him to give the love of his life what looked like rotten bananas-
“Ash actually knitted this for me last Christmas!” Eiji beamed at him like he was made of a thousand suns, holding the horrible thing up like it was made of pure gold and not some sorry excuse for a scarf. “Isn’t it just great?”
“Ah.” Yut Lung absolutely could not stand Eiji Okumura. He needed to go. Like immediately. Like right now. His brain cells were melting.
“Hey Yut Lung! Wait up! You forgot to wear your shoes! Don't just press the elevator button-”
Like he said. Brain cells. Melting.
But little did he know that they would all combust at the sight of Eiji actually finally confessing to Ash when they found him at Chang Dai.
But that was a story for another time.