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“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.”
-Oscar Wilde.
✰
The moon is fucking bright, Bucky thinks.
This cloth hammock is sturdy under his weight, and his hair is gently blowing in the soft nighttime breeze. The light from the house behind him glows across the yard, but the moonlight overpowers the artificial lighting of the home. He can hear crickets, and he can hear the soft chattering of his family inside. The ripples of the lake echo gently within his mind.
Bucky draws out the Little Dipper with his eyes, and then the big. He searches for more constellations, but cannot seem to find any others. It’s disappointing, but he understands that not every constellation is visible at the exact same time.
“Buck!”
His head pops up, glancing behind him to see his sister standing in the doorway of the house, her purple blanket wrapped around her shoulders. “Bucky, c’mon, Mom wants to play Uno!”
Bucky sighs, rolling off the hammock and looking up once more at the stars. He watches as a single one twinkled in the sky, bright against the darkness, and smiled. Polaris was always the brightest up there. Bucky’s favorite. “I’m coming, Bec.”
Becca walked back into the house, and Bucky followed behind, shutting and locking the back door. The lake house is large; the walls a soft white, the furniture earthy tones that made the rooms feel welcoming. Bucky slips off his shoes, going to sit on the sectional next to his sister.
“Mommy said that you always lose at Uno,” the girl smiles, and Bucky shoots her a glare. Celeste is the youngest of the Barneses, 7-years-old, but still likes to act as though she is the head of the house.
“Oh, Celeste, shush up,” Winnie says, smiling gently at her daughter. Bucky just rolls his eyes, grabbing the set of cards that had been laid out for him. And if Becca definitely tried to sneak a look at Bucky’s set, he didn’t say anything.
Bucky’s second-to-youngest sibling, Macy, noticed, though. She smacks Becca’s arm and glares at her. “Cheater! Mom, Becca’s cheating!”
“Am not!” Becca yells, smacking Macy back, who, in return, flings her entire hand of cards at Becca. Bucky sighs, leaning back, covering his face with his cards, because Jesus fucking Christ.
“James Barnes,” Winnie warns, and shit, did he say that out loud?
“Control your children,” Bucky says. Becca and Macy look up, both glaring at Bucky.
“Whore,” Becca whispers, and Bucky narrows his eyes back at her.
“Whore.”
“Whore.”
“Whore!”
“Stop it!” Winnie yells, and sighs. “James, Rebecca, knock it off. Rebecca, Macy, stop hitting each other. Celeste… you're perfect.”
Celeste grins in return. Her front tooth is missing.
Everyone shuts up after that, and Bucky does, in fact, lose the game. Four times.
“I hate this,” he grumbles, standing up and walking into the kitchen. He leans against the sink, starting to fill up a glass of water when he glances up through the window. It looks out over the yard, and he sees the hammock he’d been on before fluttering in the wind. He let the glass fill up, taking a quick drink, his eyes drifting across the deep blue water of the lake.
Bucky turns away from the sink, taking a single step before the sound of a crash outside startles him, causing him to drop the glass onto the tile floor. It shatters against the ground, and he immediately backs away from the liquid and glass.
“Fuck,” he curses as his family shouts from the other room, asking if he's alright.
“I’m okay!” he calls, turning again to look out the window.
The lake water is rippling out from a center point. He furrows his brows, squinting to get a better look, because the water is glowing where it turned into waves.
“Buck, what happened?” Becca’s voice comes from behind him, and the sound of crunching glass sounds as she accidently steps into the mess with her slippers. “Oh, shit. What’d you drop?”
“A glass…” he trails off, walking towards the back door. “Stay here.”
“What are you doing?” Becca asks as he slips on his shoes and opens the door, walking out to the lakeshore. The grass he's walking on is dry. He lays his hand on the cloth of the hammock. It's warm.
“Hello?” he calls, and yeah, it's dumb as fuck to call out to a possible axe-wielding killer, but he's not sure what kind of human being can cause water to literally gleam.
The surface of the water ripples, and a bubble pops gently, as if somebody had tried to breathe underneath. And then suddenly the water was thrashing, and a figure was struggling to stay above the surface.
“Fuck,” he says quickly, tugging off his sweatshirt— that shit was expensive— and slipping off his shoes, wading into the water before starting to swim out. The figure— person, maybe?— was still thrashing, so Bucky swam faster, eventually getting to where the person was located. He grabs ahold of them, starting to swim back, when they begin to scream.
“Stop!” Bucky yells, realizing how damn heavy this person is. He eventually gets them to shore, laying the person down on the grass. They finally stop screaming, their eyes clenched shut tight.
Bucky looks back behind him at the water. The glow is gone.
“Please don’t hurt me,” the person whispers, and Bucky whips back around to face them.
“What?” he asks, wringing out his hair. “Dude, you were drowning and I saved you. Are you okay?”
The person— presumably a man— opens his right eye, then his left, looking up at Bucky with confusion on his face.
“Who are you?” the man asks, staring at Bucky as though he had two heads. “What… what’s happened to your light?”
“My… what?” Bucky furrowed his brows again, looking over the man’s figure. He's wearing white, and because of the water, his clothing showed pretty see-through. The flowy material lay glued to his skin, and Bucky could see something gently glittering all over his body.
“Your light,” the man says again. “Where’s it gone?”
Bucky didn't say anything, just stood and held out a hand. “C’mon, I’ll get you dried off in the house.”
The man stared at his hand, carefully taking it and standing. His legs were wobbly, like a baby learning to walk. Bucky looked down at his hand when he pulled it again, noticing the glittering particles across it. He rubbed his fingers together and watched as it sprinkled to the ground, sparkling in the moonlight. He looked back to the man. “I’m Bucky.”
The man didn’t speak for a moment, and as he turned his head to look at the house, more of that glitter sprinkled off from his hair. Almost like stardust.
“...Polaris,” he says, looking back up at the sky. Bucky followed his gaze up to the sky, catching on the Little Dipper again. Polaris was missing.
“I—”
“Bucky?!”
He spun around, his entire family standing in the doorway of the house. Winnie held up her hands. “What is going on?! Who’s this?!”
“Um—” Bucky looked at the man, and back to his family. “—Steve. Steve… Rogers. He was drowning. I saved him.”
“Steve…?” the man whispered to himself, looking utterly confused. “But that’s not—”
“It is now,” Bucky whispered back. “C’mon. Don’t act weird.”
Bucky got his hoodie off of the hammock and grabbed his shoes, shrugging it over the man’s figure to cover his see-through clothing. He grabbed his hand— Steve’s hand— and gave him a little tug, urging him towards the house. He followed close behind Bucky, staring at the architecture of the house as they walked through the door.
“Hello, Steve,” Winnie says calmly. “Are you alright? Where’s your house?”
Steve’s eyes were cast downwards, and he avoided Winnie’s gaze at all costs. “Um…”
“Ma, don’t crowd the guy, he just almost drowned,” Bucky quickly says, noticing Steve’s discomfort. “Let me go dry him off and stuff, I’ll give him a change of clothes.”
Winnie nodded, patting Bucky’s back. “Alright, sweetheart, I’ll make some hot cocoa.”
Bucky smiled, taking Steve to the stairs and leading him up to his room. He closed the door behind them, leaning against it and sighing.
Steve finally looked up at him, and Bucky’s eyes widened.
Steve’s eyes were… not real. They couldn't have been real. His irises were multicolored, little hints of blue and purple and pink, like the print of a galaxy lay in his eyes. His lashes flared out against his skin, black as night, framing his eyes perfectly.
“Those… are contacts,” Bucky states in shock, and Steve made a face.
“What?” he questions. “My… my eyes?”
Bucky nodded. “Those cannot be your eyes.”
“They are,” Steve says, stepping back and turning away. He shrugged off Bucky’s sweatshirt, and Bucky couldn't help spare a glance at his ass through his soaked shorts. He was only human.
“Uh.” Bucky clears his throat. “Here.”
He walks to his dresser, pulling out a long sleeve and long sweatpants, handing them to Steve. He could see the flecks of glitter on his face in this light, reflecting purple and gold and white and every damn color in the rainbow. And Bucky was just confused.
Steve nodded, beginning to take off his shirt, so Bucky just turned his back to him, looking at the wall. Steve seemed off, different. He was so… unlike anyone Bucky has ever met, that it was strange.
When Steve mumbled that he was finished, Bucky turned back around. Steve was holding his wet clothes out, and Bucky took them from him, gently laying them out over the side of his dresser. The small particles trickled from the fabrics, and again, Bucky just sighed in confusion.
“Where am I?” Steve asks suddenly, and Bucky glanced over at him.
“Cayuga Lake…?” he says uncertainly, accompanying it with a small laugh.
Steve still looked unsure. “Is that… is that the name of your planet?”
Bucky froze, turning fully to look at Steve. “You're fucking with me.”
“No,” Steve says, shaking his head. He looked around the room, his eyes seeming sad, almost. “I just want to know how to get home.”
“And where is home?” Bucky asked, dusting the glitter off of his hands.
Steve looked out the window, staring right at the missing star. Where Polaris should be. “I’m… not sure. With Vers. Is she… is she here as well?”
Bucky’s head was spinning. “Who the hell is Vers?”
Steve looked back at him, his eyes sad again. “So I suppose she isn't here, then.”
“I…” Bucky trailed off, running his fingers through his hand and tugging. He was stressed, and so, so confused. He looked to Steve again. “What are you?”
“I’m… I’m…” Steve tried, but it seemed as though not even he knew. “I’m apart of the belt, I live among Kochab, and Yildun, and—”
—Epsilon, and Pherkad. The stars that make up the Little Dipper.
“My God,” Bucky laughed, burying his face into his hands. “You're fucking with me, aren’t you? Are you in one of my lectures and just trying to get a rise outta me?”
Steve shook his head. “No! Would you please just believe me?!”
Bucky covered his face, not wanting to look at Steve at all. He couldn’t. He didn’t understand a thing happening at all.
“My light is gone, I’m on a strange, foreign planet,” Steve started, “and the one person I’ve met so far is implying I’m a liar. Please… I don’t lie, Bucky.”
The way his name sounded on Steve’s tongue made Bucky sigh, finally looking up at Steve. His expression was desperate; desperate for Bucky to believe him.
“Who’s Vers?” Bucky asked as he had before, and Steve’s face perked up a bit.
“She is my greatest friend, and she protects us all in the belt. Vers travels far, but another woman, Valkyrie, she stays close to our family and keeps us safe. Vers and Valkyrie are an item,” Steve explains, and Bucky cocks a brow.
“Where is this… belt?” he asked. Steve looked away, shaking his head.
“I don’t know,” he confessed. “We aren’t apart of a planet… we just— exist. Vers calls us the Cluster, sometimes, when talking to other defenders about us.”
“Steve,” Bucky said, stepping closer. “This is going to sound weird. Do you know what a star is?”
Steve furrowed his brows, slowly shaking his head. “No. I’ve never… I don’t think I’ve heard that word before.”
“I think…” Bucky trailed off, lifting the sleeve of his hoodie on Steve’s arm, running his index finger through the glittery substance on his skin. “I think you are one.”
“What?” he said quietly, and Bucky pulled back, walking to his desk and grabbing one of his textbooks, opening it up to one of the chapters and holding it out for Steve to read.
“This is a chapter of my book,” Bucky said, pointing to the chapter title: Stars. “This… this is Polaris.”
He lets his finger run over the print, where Polaris is labeled in a diagram of the Little Dipper. It was labeled with its names— Polaris, as well as the North Star— and other statistics about it. The neighboring stars of Polaris were listed, too. “Stars are… big balls of luminous plasma that bind together with gravity. And sometimes… they explode. That’s called a—”
“Supernova,” Steve whispered, his eye spotting the word on the page. They flicked back to Polaris again. “That’s what happens to us, Vers says. When our time is up.”
Bucky looks over at him, eyes searching Steve’s face. A bit of glitter drifted from his hair onto the page. “We call it dying, here.”
“Where is here ?” Steve asked softly. “Cayuga Lake?”
“Earth,” Bucky said, and Steve’s breath hitched, eyes flicking to Bucky’s.
His voice was stiff and afraid. “We’re… we’re on Earth?”
Bucky nodded. “Yeah, this is Earth. And humans— the people on Earth— we study stars. I’m going to school for it.”
Steve stroked Polaris with his thumb, wiping the particles from the page. “Vers calls this our dust.”
“Stardust,” Bucky corrected, swiping some into the palm of his hand. He walked to his desk, gently getting the dust into a small, empty sample container. He had several all around. He was an astronomy major, after all. He did a lot of work with samples.
“I’m… do you mind if I send this off?” Bucky asked, holding up the container. “I want to know… I want to believe you, Steve. This will help me.”
Steve nodded immediately. “Anything. Anything for you to believe me.”
“I’m gonna mail it to my professor, and he can get it in the lab, ‘n then let me know what exactly it is,” Bucky explained, swiping a skinny sticky note from his desk and sliding it across the container, picking up his pen and scribbling his name on the label.
“You said it’s called… stardust? ” Steve confirmed, and Bucky nodded. Steve looked down at his exposed arm again, brushing some of the dust off. “I’m getting it all over your clothing… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky said. “Hopefully it’ll wash out.”
“I’ve probably ruined it,” Steve said guiltily. He glanced over at his own clothes hung across the dresser, and sighed. “I’m sorry you found me… I shouldn’t be your responsibility.”
“Knock it off,” Bucky smiled, walking to the dresser and opening one of the big drawers, pulling out one of the extra blankets in it. “Here. So Ma doesn’t see the stardust and ask questions.”
Steve took the blanket, glancing at Bucky with question in his eyes. Bucky smiled a bit more, walking to him and taking the blanket from Steve’s hands, gently wrapping it around his shoulders, tugging the hood of his jacket up over Steve’s glittering hair and then covered that with the blanket. “There. She’ll just think you’re cold.”
“Cold?” he questioned, looking down at his bare feet.
“Good god,” Bucky whispered, laughing softly to himself. “If she asks, just say you were cold. I’ll explain that later, okay?”
“There will be a later?” Steve asked, voice hopeful. It made Bucky smile again, this time with his teeth.
“If you want to stay here, then yes,” he said, opening the door to his room. “You’re welcome to.”
Steve smiled softly. “Thank you.”
With a nod, Bucky led him downstairs into the kitchen, where Winnie had set out two mugs of hot cocoa on the counter for them. Bucky handed one to Steve, and the blond eyed it strangely, looking up at Bucky through his lashes. Bucky took a sip from his own mug, gesturing for Steve to do the same. He followed suit, a line of whipped cream laying on his upper lip. Bucky laughed, reaching over and wiping it from his face. “You had whipped cream.”
“Oh,” Steve smiled, then lowered his voice. “...what is this stuff?”
“Hot chocolate,” Bucky whispered. “It’s pretty good, but wait till you have coffee.”
Steve nodded, but it was clear he had no clue what Bucky meant. Winnie came back in the kitchen, and Steve tilted his head downwards, and shit. Bucky forgot about his damn purple-blue-pink-green eyes.
“Ma,” Bucky warned as she drew close to Steve. “Don’t start bombarding him.”
“I’m not!” she defended. “I’m just here to check on you guys. Is he alright? Is he gonna be staying here tonight?”
“Yes,” Bucky said in response to both questions. “Is the downstairs bathroom working still? Did Dad turn the toilet on?”
Winnie nodded. “Yes, why?”
“Steve said he has to use the bathroom,” Bucky said, glancing at Steve. “I’ll go show him where it is.”
Bucky set his mug down on the counter, so Steve did the same. He led Steve down a hall to the bathroom, quickly opening the door and walking in, pulling Steve with him.
“We gotta get you contacts,” Bucky said, looking into Steve’s eyes. The color made him shudder.
“Is it because my eyes don’t look like yours?” Steve asked, remembering what Bucky had said before about his eyes. Bucky sighed, but nodded. He didn’t wanna lie to Steve about it.
“Yes,” he said. “Your eyes… they’re so not human that it’s obvious, okay? I’ll get you some blue ones, so at least it’s not too big of a change, alright? Blue, just like mine.”
Steve nodded, glancing around the bathroom. “What is this room?”
“The… oh my god,” Bucky laughed, burying his face in his hands. “This is amazing. You don’t know what a bathroom is. Which means you don’t use the bathroom. Oh my god.”
Steve was staring at him, watching with a confused expression as Bucky laughed and mumbled to himself. The brunet finally looked up at Steve and smiled again.
“I’m gonna tell Ma that we’re going to the store,” Bucky said, opening the bathroom door. “You… come out in a few minutes, okay?”
Steve nodded slowly as Bucky began to shut the door again.
“Bucky?”
He poked his head back in, cocking a brow. “Yeah?”
Steve scratched at his hair, stardust fluttering onto his shoulders. “How long is a minute?”
The Walgreens parking lot was empty, and that made quite a lot of sense for a Wednesday night at 11 P.M. When Steve and Bucky entered the store, Bucky immediately headed for the nearest employee he saw.
“Excuse me,” he said politely as the woman turned around. “Do you guys sell non-prescription colored contacts in store?”
“We do,” the woman smiled. “I’ll show ya.”
“Thank you so much,” Bucky said, following her as she led them towards the back, ending at a rack full of different colors.
“There’s blue, green, brown, and then you’ve got the crazy colors.” She pointed down at a box labeled pink, and Bucky laughed with a shake of his head.
“Blue is exactly what I’m looking for, actually.” He grabbed the box of blue contacts, and the employee walked with them back to the counter, ringing them up quickly. Steve stayed silent throughout the whole interaction.
Bucky said thank you again, and they headed out to Bucky’s car. Once they got in, Bucky quickly flipped on the light and turned Steve’s face towards him, tearing up the package and carefully getting the contacts out.
“Now, you’re gonna have to take these out before you go to bed,” Bucky said, one of the contacts balancing on his finger. He pulled Steve’s face closer, gesturing for him to open his eyes. Bucky gently pressed the contact onto Steve’s eye, smiling. “It looks cute. Lemme do the other one.”
So, he did, and just like that, Steve looked enough like a human to not raise brows. Bucky smiled, running his finger along Steve’s cheek, creating a line of bare skin. “We’re gonna have to do something about all this stardust…”
“It’s always there,” Steve said. “Even when I bathe. It just comes back. It’s a part of me.”
Bucky nodded slowly. “It’s honestly not that noticeable.”
“But?”
“But,” Bucky sighed. “You walk out in the sun like this? You’ll be gleaming like a disco ball.”
Steve looked confused. “A wha—”
“Never mind that,” Bucky said, waving his hand. “You hungry?”
“Um.” Steve looked away, fidgeting slightly. “I don’t… I don’t eat anything. I see Vers and Valkyrie do it, but…”
Bucky snorted out a laugh, and shook his head. “God. You are literally an alien.”
“Is that an insult?” Steve asked defensively. Bucky laughed again, starting up the car and pulling out of the parking spot he was in.
“No, no,” Bucky said. “It’s cute. Honest.”
Steve nodded slightly, looking out the window as they drove. “Can I… Can I try it?”
“Of course you can,” Bucky smiled. “We can make something when we get home.”
“Like what?” Steve asked, genuinely curious about this, it seems. Bucky served to avoid a pothole— because this was shittily paved road and potholes suck— causing a piece of gravel to jump up and hit the windshield. Steve screamed, and Bucky startled, swerving the car again.
They were quiet for a second as the car came to an abrupt halt, before Bucky burst into laughter. Steve was obviously still a bit spooked from the pebble, but softly began to laugh along with Bucky.
“Oh man, that was priceless,” Bucky said, his laughter dying down a bit. “You are fucking hilarious, Steve.”
“I actually really like that name,” Steve smiled, looking over at Bucky. A speck of stardust on his nose glistened. “I’m glad you chose it.”
Bucky grinned, not caring if his slightly-crooked tooth— the one next to his front on the left side— showed. Steve noticed, though, and leaned in a bit closer. “Your tooth is crooked.”
Rolling his eyes, Bucky made no move to stop smiling. He glanced over at Steve. “So is your nose.”
“Hey!” Steve exclaimed with a laugh. “Don’t make fun of my nose.”
“I’ll make fun of your nose all I want,” Bucky smiled, nudging Steve’s shoulder. Steve just huffed, looking out the window as they drove.
“Do you mind if we just drive for a bit?” Bucky asked, breaking the soft silence. “Just don't really wanna go home just yet.”
Steve looked to Bucky, fixating his gaze on the stubble that laid upon Bucky’s face. He ran his finger across his own cheek, collecting the stardust there, and reaching forward to swipe it across Bucky’s nose. “There. Now you have some. And yes, that’s okay. We can drive for a bit.”
Bucky laughed, reaching to hand Steve his phone, which was already plugged into the aux. “Steve, I want you to push that button on the top, then push the button on the screen, and type in 23222.”
“What’s 23222?” Steve asked as he did the task, glancing to Bucky when his phone was unlocked.
“My sister’s name in digits,” Bucky explained. “Okay, now go to the little app icon that says Music. And when you do that, click Songs, and then Shuffle.”
Steve followed the directions quickly, Sleeping At Last flooding the car. Steve glanced around as Bucky smiled. “God, I love this song!”
Steve looked down at the phone again to see the title. “Saturn,” he read, looking at Bucky. “That’s a planet.”
“Yeah, it is,” Bucky nodded, rolling down his and Steve’s windows. “You want the sunroof open?”
“The… what?”
Bucky reached up, pulling back the cover and quickly getting the sunroof open, the chill air of the night sweeping through his hair. Steve looked up, seeing the stars through the opening in the car’s roof.
Before Steve knew what he was even doing, he was rising, his head slipping past the edges of the sunroof. His hair was fluttering in the wind, tiny specks of stardust being swept up by the gusts.
“Steve!” Bucky yelled, glancing up. “What the hell are you doing?!”
“I’m okay,” Steve called, his entire torso now out of the car. He kept his eyes up on the sky, racing across the constellations that lived above. “I’m perfect, Buck.”
I couldn’t help but ask
for you to say it all again.
“Bucky!” Steve yelled, not even realizing a tear was running down his cheek. It created a river of solid skin between two bangs of glitter, which traveled to his neck. “It’s so beautiful, Bucky.”
And in that moment, Steve Rogers may not even be Steve Rogers— he may be Polaris, a star, a literal star from the damn sky— but there, with his head holding strong in the breeze and his arms held up high as though he was reaching home, reaching to Vers and Valkyrie up above, he felt alive, as alive as Bucky. There was no other way to describe it— he felt human.
✰
Waking up in Bucky Barnes’ bed was a luxury Steve never knew he’d needed.
Waking up next to Bucky Barnes, too? Well, that was really the best part of it.
When Steve sat up, he looked down at his pillow, noticing all the dust scattered across it. He sighed, glancing at a still-sleeping Bucky with a smile.
The moment was broken, however, when a small voice came from next to the bed. “Do you like bacon?”
Steve screamed, spinning around to face the kid. She was smiling, not even phased by Steve’s surprise at all. Bucky, however, shot awake, his hair falling into his face. The moment he noticed Celeste, he groaned, pushing his face back into the pillow. “What did I tell you about privacy, Celeste?”
“Sorry,” she mumbled, but then looked back at Steve. “Bacon?”
“Yes,” Bucky said into the pillow. “Now go away.”
Celeste left the room, closing the door behind her. Steve let out a breath, looking over at Bucky.
“Sorry about her,” Bucky said, rolling onto his back. “She can be… yeah.”
Steve nodded. He didn't know what that meant, but, whatever.
“I’ve got a recital to go to for my friend today,” Bucky stated, running his hand over his face. “She’s a dancer. You can come with me, if you’d like.”
“Where else would I go?” Steve asked seriously, and Bucky nodded in agreement.
The two of them got up, and Bucky helped Steve put in his contacts. He fixed up Steve’s hair a little, running his eyes across the glittering strands. He sighed. “You wanna wear one of my hats?”
Steve says, “Um.”
Bucky smiles, walking to his dresser and opening up the top drawer, retrieving his white cotton beanie. He walked back to Steve, settling it snug onto his head, leaving a few strands of hair out to lay on his forehead. “There.”
“Thank you,” Steve said politely as Bucky walked to his closet, browsing through the clothes.
“You can pick anything,” he said, looking back at Steve. Bucky pulled out his own outfit for the day, heading towards his bathroom and shutting the door to get changed.
Steve shuffled through the clothing, settling upon a cream-colored t-shirt and a pair of light wash jeans. He changed quickly, making sure to be done before Bucky got back.
“Ready?” Bucky stuck his head in the room, giving Steve a bright smile.
Steve nodded cheerfully, walking out of Bucky’s door with him and down the tiled stairs to the ground floor of the home. They quickly ate some breakfast, Bucky grateful that his family was nowhere to be seen. He knew he had to properly introduce Steve to them at some point, but… today was not the day.
When they finished, they headed out to Bucky’s car, and Steve got in the passenger side, looking up at the sunroof and remembering the night before.
Bucky got the radio going himself this time as they pulled out of the driveway. They headed down some dirt roads until finally connecting with some paved streets, Steve basically with his head out the window like a dog, just observing.
They pulled up to Barnes Hall on Cornell’s campus after about half an hour of driving. Steve got out of the car, looking over to Bucky as the sun hit his face. Bucky smiled, gesturing to his cheek. “You got some sparkles on your face.”
Steve wiped at his cheek, seeing the stardust on his fingertips. He stares at it like it is a foreign substance now, a speck of something he no longer belongs to.
They enter the hall and present their tickets to the man at the door, who wishes them a good day. Bucky holds onto Steve’s sleeve as to guide him through the stuffy crowd, getting them down an empty hallway to approach a large black door that reads BACKSTAGE.
Bucky pulls a lanyard from his pocket, showing the guard at the door. He nods to Bucky, and then to Steve, opening the stage door for them. Bucky’s footsteps tap against the hard floor as they walk through the darkness, until they enter a burst of light and girls in various costumes and stages of makeup.
“Buck!” a girl’s voice comes from the side, and Steve’s head whips around to face her. She comes wobbling over with one pointe shoe in her hand, hugging Bucky before settling back onto the floor to continue putting her other shoe on.
“This is Natasha,” Bucky said to Steve, and she glanced up, smiling. Her smile was nervous, and Steve could see that Natasha's hands were trembling as she laced up her pointe shoes, the knots too tight around her ankles. Her dress flowed out around her like water, the cherry shade of the silk hugging her torso, flaring out at her waist, the skirt underneath holding up the silk. The body glitter spread across her neck and hands shimmered under the bright backstage light, and as she stood again, her hair, tied up into a braided bun, stood high on the top of her head. She looked to Bucky with her soft, cool eyes, her eyelashes long against the warm toned shadows blended across her lids. Red-painted lips let out a shaky breath. "I'm going to throw up."
"No you aren't," Bucky reassured, reaching out and gently holding her trembling cheeks. "You are made of marble."
Natasha closed her eyes and sighed, nodding once. “You say that every time, and yet it always works.”
“That’s my job,” Bucky smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. “You’ll do great.”
Steve watched, wondering if perhaps Natasha and Bucky were an item like Vers and Valkyrie were— and then he felt his chest tighten, because god , he missed those girls so much. He liked being here with Bucky, but he’d trade it all to be back with his family in the Belt.
“We’re right in the front row,” Bucky told Natasha, smiling again. She nodded slowly, taking a deep breath.
Bucky and Steve left backstage after Bucky gave Natasha a final good luck, and settled down in their seats as the lights began to dim. Soft music began to rise in the auditorium, before picking up volume and intensity.
And then a flash of red— Natasha leaps across the stage to the middle, balancing on the tips of her pointe shoes. She looks downwards, then up to the crowd, her teeth shining against the stage lights in a smile. She begins to move, flowing across the stage like water. She is graceful, as graceful as one could be. The shimmer of her body glitter stands out against her skin and dress, making her presence there seem celestial.
She spins and leaps and grins. Bucky watches with proud eyes, with tearful eyes. Steve’s eyes alternate between Natasha and Bucky, because they rival as the most beautiful thing in the room.
Natasha’s dance lasts a few minutes. Bucky is mesmerized by the way her body glides through the air, and when the song ends and she relaxes into her final position, he is the first to stand and cheer.
She gets a standing ovation, and her applause lasts for over a minute. She walks backstage, tears streaming her cheeks from the rush. She sits down on a chair that is suddenly next to her, and she is grateful, because her legs may have given out on her.
Bucky and Steve are backstage again within minutes. Bucky runs to Natasha, lifting her exhausted body into a crushing hug. “Oh, Nat, you did amazing!”
“Thank you,” she breathes out, brushing a stray piece of hair from her eyes. “I have to go change my costume.”
“Go on,” Bucky smiled, helping her to stand. “You’ll do great.”
They get back to the crowd for the next set, which is a collection of a few girls— including Natasha— in beautiful blue costumes. Bucky again watches in awe, eyes following the movement of each girl on stage.
The music in the auditorium was loud, but soft at the same time. Steve couldn't take his eyes off of Bucky. The way he was grinning, the way his expression screamed joy. Steve watched him in silence, feeling his insides swirl like honey.
Bucky seemed to feel eyes on him, because he turned to face Steve then. Steve’s face immediately darkened in color, the blush on his cheeks the color of Natasha’s first costume. Bucky gives him a soft, warm smile.
How has Bucky not noticed how beautiful Steve is?
✰
Steve has officially been on Earth for two weeks now, and Bucky’s starting to wonder if he misses it up there, if he wants to go home. He’s aware that he’s not much company, and Steve’s probably bored out of his mind here. But he pretends not to know this, and remembers that ignorance is bliss.
The excuse Bucky has gave his family is that Steve simply has nobody to go home to, and that Bucky just… wants him to stay. Which is partially the truth.
Bucky pretends not to see Steve sitting on the windowsill at night staring up at the sky with homesickness in his galaxy eyes and shaky fingers pressed against the glass. He just rolls over in bed and pulls the blanket up to his chin.
✰
The blast of light comes at 6:18 A.M. on a Tuesday. Bucky had a 7:00 lecture that morning, so he had just finished brushing his teeth and packing his bag when he saw it out of the corner of his eye. It came through the window, making him turn sharply as though he’d been burned by the desk he was resting on. He walked to the window, opening it and sticking his head out to look around at the open grass and pond beneath him. A glowing figure stood in the lawn.
The figure seemed to realize Bucky had his head out the window, for they looked up. Bucky was about to shout, but suddenly, instantly, the figure— a woman— was straight ahead, hovering in front of the window, still glowing.
“Where’s Aris?” she demands, her voice heavy and dominant. Bucky feels his knees shudder a bit by the sheer power of the way she… exists.
“I…” he trails off, because he’s confused and scared and horny? He’s gay, but, like, Jesus Christ.
“My name is Vers.” She straightens up a bit, her blonde hair curled across her shoulders. “I know he’s here.”
Bucky’s eyes widened. “You’re Vers?!”
She softens a bit, her shoulders relaxing as though she wasn't expecting that reaction. “Yes, I am. Where is he?”
Steve let out a particularly loud snore from the bed.
“He’s over there,” Bucky stated dumbly, pointing behind him with his thumb.
Vers poked her head into the window, narrowing her eyes. The glow from her body lit up the entire room. “Where is his light?”
“I guess when he fell it disappeared,” Bucky shrugged, stepping back so Vers could step inside the room. She did, timidly, looking around as to evaluate the space. Once deeming it safe, she steps to the edge of the bed, crouching down to gently shake Steve. “Aris.”
He stirred a bit, groaning sleepily. “Buck, I don’t want avocado toast again…”
Vers’ head jerked back in a look of confusion, and Bucky snorted softly.
“Aris, it’s Vers,” she tries again, and Steve’s eyes shoot open immediately.
He is silent for a moment, before tackling her into an embrace that sends them onto the carpet. “Oh, Vers, oh my god!”
Bucky watches. He ignores the tug on his chest.
“I’m going to get you home,” Vers says with a grin, brushing Steve’s hair out of his eyes. “Oh, Valkyrie and I have missed you.”
“I…” Steve paused, looking up at Bucky. There was something there— a shimmer of something in Steve’s eyes.
Bucky smiled at him. “Go on. That’s what we’ve been tryin’ to do since you’ve got here, right?
Vers glanced between them, a knowing look spreading across her face.
“Aris,” she says, pulling him out of his trance. “Maybe we can stay for a while. I can experience Earth how I’ve always wanted to. I can call down Valkyrie too, if you’d like.”
Steve broke out into a grin. “Really?”
“Sure,” Vers says, accenting her word by running her hand through his hair. “This place could be fun.”
“If you’re going to be staying, you need a human name,” Bucky said, straightening up and trying to mask his utter excitement. “His is Steve.”
“Choose one for me,” Vers smiled, moving to sit on the floor. Her glow dimmed a bit, but it was still enough to light up the room.
Bucky hummed in thought. “Uh… Carol?”
Vers— Carol — shrugged. “I suppose my name is Carol, now.”
“And your friend Valkyrie… going by Val will work just fine. It’s common here.” Bucky picked up his bag, and glanced at the clock. “I have to go, though. Steve… if my ma asks who this is, just say it’s my friend who wanted to meet you and keep you company or somethin’. I’ll introduce properly later.”
“Got it,” Steve smiled, and Bucky bit his lip.
“Where are you going?” Carol asked, standing as if to prepare for something. A fight.
“To school,” Bucky said, shooting her a smile. “I’ll be back by ten.”
And, so, Bucky left the house, driving off to his lecture, and was home later by about nine.
When he got home, he was surprised to see Steve and Carol sitting in the backyard near the pond, laying on their backs and talking. Bucky made sure to approach loudly as to not startle them, and Steve slowly sat up and turned around, grinning once he caught sight of Bucky.
“Vers contacted Valkyrie! She’s gonna be here by tonight!” Steve exclaimed happily. Carol didn't bother sitting up, just stared up at the clouds above.
“I’m glad!” Bucky grinned, sitting down next to Steve.
Carol huffed. “Your sky is weird.”
“Thank you?” Bucky questioned with a laugh, looking out at the pond. He watched the small
ripples in the water, and wondered about a lot of things, most including Steve.
Valkyrie crash-landed on Earth at around seven that night, the loud thud below Bucky’s window the only signal that she’d arrived.
Bucky explained to his mom, after introducing Carol and now Val, that they were friends from school coming to stay with him because they had a big project for one of their shared classes. She believed him, because he has never given her a reason not to.
Carol helps Val up the stairs, settling her down on Bucky’s bed when they get into his room. She’s slightly disoriented from the fall, as she’d tried to get here safely on one of Carol’s ships with a fellow friend, but didn't know how to cautiously land, so she opted to just jump out of the ship and hope for the best.
“I’ll get you guys a room set up,” Bucky said as Carol gently wiped blood from under Val’s nose. The girls nodded in agreement.
Bucky put sheets on the next door guest room bed, making it look tidy and neat before coming back in. “Let me get you some pajamas.”
Bucky’s first thought was to raid Becca’s closet, but she was in her room right now and he wasn't about to ask. So, he simply grabbed a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirt, giving them to Val. “They’ll probably be a bit baggy. We took Carol out shopping today, we can do that for you soon.”
Val looked confused. “Carol…?”
“That’s my human name,” Carol speaks up. “Yours is just Val.”
“Oh.” Val looked over at Carol, who smiled fondly.
The girls ended up going into their room for the night around eleven, after a few hours of chitchat with Steve and Bucky. Bucky quite liked Carol and Val, actually— they reminded him of Natasha. She would love them.
After brushing his teeth and changing into pajamas, Bucky switched off the light and climbed into bed with Steve, who turned to face him.
“Bucky,” Steve whispered into the darkness.
Bucky settled his head against his pillow. “Yeah?”
“Have you ever fallen in love before?”
The question took Bucky off-guard. The answer was no, surprisingly. Hell, he’d had his share of boyfriends since he came out back in high school, but none of them were every that serious. That real. He knows what it looks like, being around Natasha and Clint for so long. He also supposes they have a different kind of love, because Natasha spent a whole year learning sign language for Clint to prove that he didn't have to wear his hearing aids all the time. They have a love love.
Bucky sighs, his eyes focusing on Steve’s in the dark. He likes the way they seem to glisten, even without any light.
“No, I haven’t,” he said. “Why? Have you?”
Steve blinked, his eyelashes fluttering out against his cheeks, shadowing the skin there. Bucky’s eyes have fully adjusted to the spare moonlight coming from the window.
“I think,” Steve paused. “I think I have.”
✰
On a Sunday evening, Bucky makes the sudden decision to take Steve, Val, and Carol to a planetarium.
“What’s a planetarium?” Val asks curiously as Bucky shuffles through Becca’s closet. He’s trying to find something for Val to wear, as they haven't had the chance to go shopping for her yet like they have Steve and Carol. He eventually settles on a striped t-shirt and a pair of track pants, handing them to her while he searched through Becca’s shoe collection. Thankfully, Becca’s shoes fit Val just fine.
“It’s this big building where you sit and it shows you footage of stars and planets and just space in general,” Bucky briefly explained. He’d already gone into what all of those things are with Val and Carol, much to their delight and confusion.
“Am I gonna be up there?” Steve asks, and Bucky looks up from where he’s tying Val’s sneaker.
“They’ll talk about Polaris, yeah,” he smiled, and Steve grinned all giddily.
Val stands after her shoe was finished being tied, and Bucky grabs his wallet and stuffs it into his pocket. “Alright, uh… Carol, Val, do you guys… get hungry?”
“Yes?” Carol responded, her voice raising up like a question. “Oh, yeah, I forgot Aris doesn't have to eat. But, yes, Valkyrie and I eat.”
“Okay,” Bucky laughed. “We can stop somewhere afterwards.”
The four of them went out to Bucky’s car, the girls opting to sit in the backseat so Steve could sit in the front with Bucky. They drove in silence for a few minutes as Steve screwed around with the radio— since it seems to be his new favorite invention— before finally getting the station he’d come to like in his time being here.
By the time they got to Southern Cayuga High School, Val was ranting loudly about some person named Loki. Obviously it was somebody Bucky didn't know, or will never know, but it was funny to listen to anyway. She was complaining about how they were always competing over who was better or stronger, but Carol had that knowing smile on his face that said, knock it off, we both know you think he’s a good guy.
They exited the car, and Bucky led them to the doors of the planetarium building, where he presents the four tickets to the man standing at the door. He let them inside, and Bucky turned to Steve, Val, and Carol. “Pick your spot. Remember, we’re gonna be looking up at the ceiling.”
Steve eventually chooses four seats near the back, so they didn't have to crane their necks all the way upwards to view the ceiling. They settled into their seats, and Bucky quickly checked his phone before the lights dimmed— it had gone off while they were sitting down.
Message from: Nat
Will you kick Clint’s ass for me? He ate my leftovers.
Bucky laughed to himself, quickly typing a reply.
busy rn, tash. ask sharon! :D
He put his phone back into his pocket as the lights went down. Steve was bouncing excitedly in his seat, making Bucky laugh.
“Someone’s excited,” he teased quietly, causing Steve to look over and grin. Bucky wished more than anything he could see the way Steve’s natural eyes looked without the contacts when they crinkled up in a smile.
A man’s voice began to smoothly illustrate what the events of the show would bring, so Bucky shushed Steve with a smile as he leaned back, looking up at the ceiling to watch.
It didn't take very long for the subject of the show to become Polaris. The man began to explain what and where the star is, showing beautiful visuals of it at the same time. Bucky kept glancing over at Steve, seeing the way he teared up a bit. He slowly rested his hand on top of Steve’s, and gently laced their fingers together. Steve looked down at their hands and then to Bucky, who just gave him a soft smile and looked back up to the projection.
“Recently, astronomers have began to believe that Polaris may have died out this month, as it seems to have disappeared from the night sky. However, it is common for stars to go unseen for months at a time due to human factors,” the man explained, and Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand nervously.
“Nonetheless, Polaris continues to be the brightest and most beautiful star in the night sky, no matter where you are in the world.”
Steve looked over at Bucky, clearly feeling insecure with the words of praise. Bucky looked back, nodding slowly and mouthing, You are.
Around nine that night, Bucky was washing his hair in the shower— which had a clear sliding door— when the bathroom door opened and Steve was standing in the doorway. “Vers wants to know if—”
“Steve!” Bucky yelled, throwing open the shower door and yanking his towel off of the toilet seat, covering his lower body. “What are you doing?!”
“Vers wants to know if you have an extra blanket,” Steve states normally. He then tilts his head to the side like a puppy. “Why are you naked?”
“I’m… showering.” Bucky suddenly realized that Steve didn't know what a shower is.
Steve looks confused. “In the… water chamber?”
“Shower,” Bucky corrected, clearing his throat. “Showers are private. There's blankets in my closet. Can you… leave now?”
“Oh.” Steve glanced at the counter, then directed his eyes to his feet. “Sorry. Enjoy your shower.”
He left the bathroom and clicked the door shut behind him, and Bucky let out a breath, dropping his towel back onto the toilet seat.
And Steve stood on the other side of the door, his face red, his breathing tough, and a funny feeling in his stomach.
✰
“It’s so pretty,” Steve whispered, cradling the lily in his glittering fingertips. The sun was bouncing off of his stardust as they sat in the grassy field the next afternoon, just admiring the flowers. Bucky watched him with a smile.
“It is!” Carol exclaimed with a laugh, spinning another lily in her fingertips.
Bucky curled his toes in the soft grass, closing his eyes and letting himself drink in the warm sunlight spilling from the sky. He could hear Steve and Carol’s happy banter, and felt a soft tap on his arm. He cracked open an eye and turned to face Val.
“This somewhere you come often?” she asked, squinting through the sunlight. Bucky noticed she was gently running her fingers across the tips of the grass, letting the blades tickle the pads of her fingers.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Come here to look at the sky at night, but it’s real pretty during the day too.”
“It is,” Val smiled, watching as Carol settled a flower above Steve’s ear, causing him to smile like a kid on Christmas. He turned to Bucky and pointed to his new hair piece, as if Bucky didn't see it at first.
“It’s cute,” Bucky said to him, and he could see the start of a sunburn spreading pink across Steve’s nose. He smiled.
Steve began searching for a flower to put into Carol’s hair, when he accidentally leaned back and crushed a daisy beneath his hand. He gasped, turning to look at the flattened, dead flower, his brows turning up.
“Bucky,” he said softly, his voice almost shaking. “Bucky, what did I do?”
“Steve, it’s okay,” Bucky rushed to say, crawling over to Steve’s side. “It’s okay, it was an accident.”
“I didn't mean to—” Steve turned to him, and there were tears in his eyes. Bucky sighed sadly, shaking his head.
“Oh, Steve, hey,” he whispered, pulling the blond into a hug. “Don’t cry. It’s okay, more will grow.”
“I didn't mean to,” Steve whimpered into his shoulder, and it was quiet in the field minus Steve’s breathing and the wind’s soft purring.
Bucky held him for a long time. It never occurred to him until then that perhaps Steve had never really seen something beautiful die before.
That night, Steve cried again. This time, it was dark in Bucky’s room, and he was curled into the shape of Bucky’s front, Steve’s face against his chest. Bucky just ran his hands through Steve’s hair, his chin resting on the top of the blond’s head.
“Bucky,” Steve whispered, and Bucky pulled back to look down at him.
“Yeah?”
Steve sniffled, glancing up to look at him with those eyes. They were glossy with tears. “I really like it here. I feel so bad.”
Bucky couldn't stop the smile that came onto his face as he ran his thumb over Steve’s cheek, trying to wipe away some of the tears, but more just to feel his skin. “I want you to like it here. You’re the only good damn thing in this world.”
“You,” Steve replied, shaking his head. He shifted up, so they were level with each other, and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. Bucky tensed up, waiting, waiting.
“You are better,” Steve whispered, closing his eyes, so Bucky let his flutter closed too, and they stayed like that for a while. Slotted together. Bucky could hear it start to rain outside, and apparently so could Steve, because he shot up, head snapping to the ceiling. “What’s that?!”
“It’s just rain, sweetheart.” Bucky didn't mean to let the name slip, but it did. Steve looked back to him, and it was obvious he didn’t know what rain was. Bucky smiled, carefully getting out of bed and grabbing Steve’s hand. “Trust me?”
“You know I do,” Steve said back softly, lacing their fingers like they’d done the day at the planetarium. He got out of bed, and Bucky led him downstairs and quietly through the back door. The rain was already heavy and thick, warm drops falling from the clouds. Steve stood in the wet grass, looking all around him with an awed expression.
“How?!” he cheered, turning to grin at Bucky. His hair was soaking wet already, clinging to his forehead, and his clothes were drenched as well. It reminded Bucky of the night Steve fell.
“I’m not a weather expert,” Bucky laughed, brushing his wet hair out of his face and slicking it back. “It’s nice, yeah?”
“Yes!” Steve began twirling around in the rain, his feet sliding across the muddy grass. Bucky just watched him, until Steve held out his hand to Bucky. “C’mere!”
Bucky doesn't mention that Steve’s starting to develop his accent.
He walked forward, taking Steve’s hand and slowly spinning the blond around. He laughed happily, moving with the action, then doing the same to Bucky. The brunet pulled Steve closer, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck. “You ever dance before?”
“No,” Steve said, shaking his head. Bucky reached down and got Steve’s arms around his waist, then replaced his arms back at Steve’s neck. “Is this it? Do you always do it in rain?”
Bucky laughed. “Yes, this is dancing. No, you don't always do it in rain. Just sway with me, okay?”
“Okay.” Steve was watching Bucky’s feet, which moved slightly as they swayed. He rested his chin on Steve’s shoulder, his temple against Steve’s ear.
“I like this,” Steve whispered against the loud thrumming of the rain. Bucky closed his eyes and nodded, feeling the water droplets from his eyelashes transfer to his already-wet cheeks. “Earth is nice. I think it’s because you're here.”
“Not at all,” Bucky chuckled, tightening his grip, getting closer.
Steve fell quiet for a moment. He took that time to close his own eyes, letting Bucky move him in small circles across the wet grass, rain dripping between them. “Bucky.”
“Hm?”
“Thank you,” Steve says, his fingers trailing softly in circles on Bucky’s waist. “You're something I never knew I needed.”
Bucky’s stomach seems to do flips, and he slowly pulled back to look up at Steve. He locked eyes with him, searching them and finding happiness, sincerity, loyalty. Bucky’s not sure he’s ever felt this way about somebody before. He gives Steve a small smile. It’s all he can muster. “You too, Steve. You too.”
✰
Three months pass quicker than Bucky realizes. It’s starting to get hot, meaning less clothes being worn at all times. Steve doesn't get hot— he’s a fucking star— so Bucky’s been alone in his shirtless endeavors during the brutal start of summer. Steve doesn't seem to care, though.
This homework is kicking his ass. He can feel the notebook paper under his hands go damp from sweat, and despite the AC on blast, nothing seems to cool down his room. Steve is transfixed on the T.V., some documentary about space on. Bucky thinks it’s cute that Steve’s so fascinated by his own origins, as he was never taught them. There was no reason to— he just exists up there.
But here on Earth, there’s studies and documentaries all about it, and Steve’s probably seen every damn one since he got to New York three months ago.
Bucky’s listening to The Neighbourhood as he works, quietly singing along to the lyrics. It’s not playing loud enough to disturb Steve’s documentary, but it is playing out loud, and several times Steve has said things like, I like this one, or, This one’s cool.
Steve’s starting to take on Bucky’s accent. He’s started to say his A’s differently, starting slurring his words together like Bucky does. It makes him feel all fuzzy inside, like he’s leaving a mark on Steve that nobody else ever has.
The problem, though? Carol wants to go home. And she wants Steve to go, too.
It’d take an idiot to not be able to see that Steve wants to. He really does. Bucky notices the way he gets sad every time Carol or Val mentions the Belt, and as upset as it makes Bucky, he knows he can’t prevent Steve from eventually going home one day. He can’t let himself be selfish and take away Steve’s life just because he’s grown attached.
On the T.V., the documentary host starts to speak about Polaris, and Bucky looks back, seeing the longing on Steve’s face. He looks homesick.
“Steve,” Bucky finally sighs, turning down his laptop screen and standing up from his desk. Steve glances up from the T.V. as Bucky approaches the bed, sitting down on the side.
Steve straightens up a bit, wipes that look off his face. “Yeah?”
“I know you want to go home,” Bucky said softly, avoiding Steve’s eyes. “You know I won’t be offended, right?”
Steve’s eyes dropped to the bed, his fingers fidgeting. “I don't want you leave you…”
“You don’t gotta lie,” Bucky sighed, shaking his head. “Not to make me feel better.”
“I’m not ,” Steve huffed, looking up at Bucky. “I don’t lie, not to you.”
“I’ll admit,” Steve continued. “I want to go back. I really do. I miss it there. Earth is beautiful, but I’m just not meant for here. But you… you're special to me, Buck, and I don't wanna lose you.”
Bucky sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “If you want to go home then go home.”
“I’m not leaving you,” Steve repeated, his voice building sternly.
“Steve—”
“You are home!” Steve shouted. He exhaled a heavy breath, hands shaking slightly from where he sat on the bed.
“Don’t say shit like that,” Bucky whispered, diverting his eyes. He didn't mean that. But his heart was thrumming inside his chest, a tenacious force that he didn't know how to stop.
Truth is, Bucky was scared.
“Shit like what?” Steve snapped, visibly angry. It was unnerving to see him angry. “That you’ve become my forever just by showing me what it’s like to be human?”
“What about your family?” Bucky asked. “Carol? Val?”
Steve looked towards the door, as if searching for them. “I love them, I do. But you’ve become something that nobody else can be for me.”
Bucky wanted to cry, he was so afraid. Afraid of love— something he’s never known like this.
He cleared his throat, finally looking up at Steve. “You're not bullshitting me?”
“No.” Steve leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together again like he’d done the night of the rain. “You’re it for me.”
Bucky closed his eyes, and then there was a mouth on his, and he could feel every worry slipping off of his conscious. He tilted his head back a bit to get a better angle, hands coming up to hold gently onto the back of Steve’s neck.
When they pulled apart, Steve was breathing a little heavier than before. He fluttered his eyes open, looking at Bucky with raw emotion. “Is that what humans do?”
Bucky laughed. “Yeah, Steve. That’s what humans do. Where’d you learn that, anyway?”
“A movie,” he smiled. “Was hoping it’d be as nice as that.”
Bucky leaned in, kissing him chastely again. “It was.”
“Okay.” Steve nuzzled his forehead against Bucky’s, gently moving his hand into Bucky’s lap to lace their fingers. “I’m not going back there. I want you.”
Bucky shook his head, closing his eyes. He wasn't sure how he made the decision then, or how quickly he’d done it. But one moment he didn't know, and then he did. He knew what he was going to do. It seemed crazy— it was crazy— but Bucky knew. He knew.
“What?” Steve whispered, sounding hurt. Bucky shook his head again, squeezing Steve’s hand.
“You’ll have me,” he muttered. “But you are going back. You’re built to be in the stars.”
Steve suddenly pulled back. “Bucky—”
“Shh,” Bucky breathed, pulling at Steve’s hand. “Listen to me. I’m not letting go of you.”
“Then what—”
“Steve,” Bucky laughed, standing up and tugging Steve up with him. He looked to the window, seeing the sunset across the surface of the pond. “Go tell Carol you're going to go home with her, okay? Tell her to wait till I come back upstairs.”
Steve hesitated, before nodding, and let Bucky walk with him to Carol and Val’s room. He pressed a kiss against Steve’s forehead, before heading downstairs. “Ma?”
“In the kitchen,” Winnie called back.
Bucky walked to the kitchen door, taking a breath. “Mom, I gotta talk to you.”
Winnie turned, that motherly-concern already on her face. She set down the plate she’d been washing, turning off the sink and wiping her hands. “What’s up, honey?”
“I have to tell you the truth about Steve,” he sighed, jumping up and sitting on the counter.
She raised a brow. “Alright, Buck.”
So, he did. And when he was done with his statement, Winnie’s eyes were wide with disbelief.
“You can’t be serious,” she said, but Bucky didn't say a word. “Oh gosh.”
“Mom,” he starts. “I… god, I think I love him, Mom, which is scary. And he needs to go home, he can't stay here, even if he likes it. It’s not where he belongs. His true potential only lives up there, and I don't want to be the one thing holding him back. Which is why…”
“Why what, James?” Winnie asks, her voice small.
Bucky swallowed. “I’ve decided on something crazy.”
Bucky winds up back upstairs after his talk with his Mom, where Steve, Carol, and Val sit talking on the bed. He realizes Carol is talking about how they’ll get home— she’ll carry them, because she can fly — and once they get up out of the atmosphere, they’ll be a carrier waiting for them.
Steve is excitedly talking about getting his glow back, something Bucky has been dying to see since the first day they met, the first time Steve mentioned it. He put on a smile, stepping inside the room. “Hi.”
Steve whipped around, grinning at Bucky. “Hey!”
“Steve told me to wait?” Carol asked, and Bucky nodded.
“Yeah.” He sat down next to Steve on the bed, and sighed. “I have an idea.”
The three others in the room looked at him, waiting for his answer.
Bucky bit the inside of his cheek. Fuck it. “I’m gonna go with you.”
It was quiet for some time. Carol’s brows were practically in her hairline, and Steve was just staring at Bucky like he’d grown another head. It was quiet, until Carol said, “Okay.”
Bucky was taken aback. “...okay?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“How?” Steve spoke up, looking between them. “Without ox… oxy…”
“Oxygen,” Bucky supplied.
“—Yeah. Oxygen. Without it, he’s gonna die,” Steve said. “I’ve learned a lot from T.V.”
“Do you remember that story I used to tell you?” Val pitched in. “The one about the human woman who became apart of the Cluster? How she connected with a lightened one, absorbed that energy? There's a reason you lose your light when you come down to Earth— it’s to protect humans from unwillingly absorbing your energy.”
Steve seemed to catch on. “So if I were to get my light back…”
“You could give some to me,” Bucky finished, looking at Steve with hopeful eyes.
“To get your light back, you have to go to the source of where you lost it again, and if you just think to yourself, I’ll have my light back, it’ll come,” Val explained, watching as Steve’s face got brighter and brighter with joy.
“Oh, Val!” Steve exclaimed, jumping across the bed into her chest. “You're the best friend ever!”
Carol flicked Steve’s ear as she stood from the mattress. “I’m offended.”
“Oh, you're the other best,” Steve smiled.
“What about Bucky?” Val teased, and Steve blushed.
“Bucky…” he trailed off, looking over at him. “Bucky’s my best human.”
They’re sitting on a blow-up raft in the middle of the pond, in the same place where Steve fell that first night. Bucky gave his tearful parting to his family, telling them that he will come back. He’s never just going to leave them forever.
Carol is hovering next to the raft, shining against the dark water. “Ready?”
Steve nodded, looking at Bucky. “Yeah.”
The boys jumped into the water together, and Steve clenched his eyes shut, a few moments passing when suddenly, starting at the tips of his fingers, he began to glow.
Bucky was mesmerized as the stardust on his skin illuminated against the now-glowing surface, until every part of him was alive with light. Steve reached out, taking Bucky’s hand. Bucky hissed— it burned. But he held it there, and before Bucky could close his eyes, there was an explosion of light. He could feel it surging through his veins.
✰
When Bucky cracked his sore eyes open, he felt as though he’d been staring at the sun for hours. The only thing he could see at first was darkness. He blinked a few times, his vision starting to piece together, revealing a deep wall of stars around him. Some big, some small; they engulfed him, warmed his body. He felt hot. But not sweaty— he felt as though he was radiating heat instead.
“Buck?”
Steve.
Bucky turned his head, and Steve was there, his light not as vibrant as it was in the pond, but there. He was glittering slightly from the stardust coating his skin, and his eyes were shimmering in the luminosity.
“Where are we…?” Bucky whispered, his mouth feeling dry. Steve laughed, seeming to float towards him, cupping his cheeks. He leaned forward, kissing Bucky, and it sent a spark from his mouth to his toes, his entire body thrumming as though he’d been electrocuted. But it didn't hurt— he felt fantastical.
“We’re in the Belt,” Steve uttered against Bucky’s lips, gently nipping one. He tasted sweet, like caramel and vanilla.
Bucky’s eyes widened, and he looked around for real this time, finally seeing all the planets on the horizon. He looked down at himself— he was glowing. He could see the specks of dust covering his body as well, the way they glittered across his fingers.
“Oh my god,” Bucky laughs, looking back up to Steve. “Oh my god!”
Steve grins, kissing Bucky again, and he’s aware their feet are not touching anything. They are suspended in an everlasting space, the waves of darkness crashing into them like a comet against a planet. Bucky’s entire life had led to this moment, he realizes, for his heart finally rests— it is no longer pounding in his chest, yet just softly beating like it should.
The night sky gained a new star that night, and while astronomers struggled to find a name, they knew that the New Star and Polaris were connected, as they never trailed apart. The New Star will always be by Polaris’ side, forever willing to bend to the constellations that Polaris is the star of to simply be next to its other half.
Bucky feels weightless there, next to Steve, and the light from the planets and surrounding stars immersing them in a celestial glow. He can't help himself from turning his head to gaze at the lunar structure near them, letting the light sink into his skin and warm up his soul.
The moon is fucking bright, Bucky thinks.
