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Kakashi is not a man known for talking about his personal life. He's just a very private person - he always has been, and despite how much being the sensei for Team Seven has changed him, his dislike for sharing any details about himself hasn't changed a bit.
This, of course, does nothing to deter Sakura. She's always been too nosy for her own good, and while Kakashi knows that it's because she cares, that it comes from a place of worry, right now it's annoying because he's just left the longest, most tedious meeting of his life, he's tired, and he would rather listen to Naruto wax poetic about Sasuke for six hours than talk about his nonexistent love life right now - or ever, really, but when has he ever gotten what he wants? As it is, Sakura seems determined to hound him all the way back to his apartment, which he can't let happen.
He's made it eight years without one of his students finding out where he lives, after all. He's not about to break that record now.
"Sakura," Kakashi says as he comes to a stop, tone gentle but laced with an edge of warning. She stops beside him, glancing up at him curiously. He knows it's probably a bad idea to pull rank with someone who could kill him with just one finger if they felt so inclined, but he's only half a block and three flights of stairs from a well-deserved nap and he'd like to get there at some point today. "Do you really think this is an appropriate conversation to have with the Hokage?"
"Probably not," she replies after a moment of thought, but she doesn't appear apologetic. If anything, she sounds almost defiant, grinning cheekily at him. "But I'm not asking the Hokage, am I? I'm asking my friend, who I'm worried about."
For a moment Kakashi can only stare at her, wondering when she had become someone who so easily dismissed the Hokage. He knows her respect for him as her sensei has been declining steadily over the years, though that probably has a little to do with how lackluster he was as a teacher and a lot to do with his habit of walking around reading porn in public.
Well, that and maybe how he told her not two days ago that he hated the job and tried to pass the hat to her. He doubts he'd respect himself much either, if he were in her shoes.
"Maa, I'm fine," Kakashi finally says, but she doesn't look like she buys it. "You don't need to worry about me, Sakura, I..." He pauses when he catches movement from the corner of his eye, turning his head to see a group of men walking toward them. Naruto is talking animatedly to Tenzo, bouncing on the balls of his feet, while Sasuke and Sai trail behind them looking disinterested. Of the four of them, Tenzo is the only one who looks intrigued by whatever they're talking about.
It's like a lightbulb goes off over his head.
Is it a stupid idea? Maybe. Definitely, because if Tenzo finds out about it he will kill him, but those consequences for what he's about to do are the last thing on his mind.
"I have Tenzo," Kakashi tells Sakura, looking back at her. He expects confusion - Tenzo is not a name she is supposed to know, so she won't know who he's talking about. It's almost brilliant in its simplicity.
But confusion is not the reaction he gets. Instead, she lights up, clasping her hands in front of her and breaking out into a bright, excited smile. He doesn't like that look, and he likes it even less when she suddenly sprints up the street, closing the gap between them and the rest of their team.
Kakashi realizes a split second too late that not only has he made a mistake, but he’d played right into Sakura’s hands.
"I told you!" Sakura yells, and Naruto yelps when she suddenly jams her finger into his chest. This is bad. This is very, very bad. "Kakashi-sensei confessed, you owe me dinner!"
But that is so much worse.
"Confessed to what?" Naruto wheezes, clutching his chest where Sakura had poked him, jumping back when she moves to do it again.
"To dating Captain Yamato!"
Tenzo's head turns slowly, and if looks could kill Kakashi would drop dead where he stands.
---
"I'm sorry." Kakashi's not sure how many times he's apologized now - he lost count in the lobby, and while Tenzo hasn't said a word since they walked away from their arguing students, Kakashi knows he's in trouble.
He can't say he doesn't understand why Tenzo is angry with him, though. It's one thing for him to lie, but to include Tenzo in that lie without at least telling him about it first crosses one of the few boundaries that they have, and on top of that he had told that lie, intentional or not, to one of their students. He'd be mad, too, if Tenzo had done that to him.
And hell, he'd probably react the same way Tenzo is, too - with silence, quietly fuming as he all but drags Kakashi up the stairs to his apartment. He knows he's in for it the moment the door shuts behind them, and Tenzo does not disappoint.
"What were you thinking?" Tenzo demands, spinning to face him once he's slammed the door shut, dark eyes narrowed into a glare. Kakashi gets the distinct feeling that his friend is currently resisting the urge to hit him, and if he didn't find Tenzo as scary as an angry kitten, the pure fury in his eyes would almost being intimidating. "You told Sakura we were dating?"
"Not exactly," Kakashi replies defensively, kicking off his sandals by the door and beating a hasty retreat to the couch, sinking onto it with a heavy sigh. Resisting the urge to lean back and close his eyes, he instead leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and watching Tenzo tug off his own sandals. "Sakura was concerned that I was lonely. I told her I had Tenzo, how was I supposed to know that she knew that was you?"
"You..." Tenzo stares at him, and when his knuckles visibly blanch on the sandal he's holding, Kakashi thinks he might throw it at him. "I'm starting to think that everyone who calls you a genius is either a liar or has never actually met you. The whole team has known my name for years now because you can never remember to use my code name-"
"Oh. Well, shit." Thinking about it now, he does vaguely recall only calling Tenzo by the code name Tsunade had given him maybe two or three times since he came out of Anbu to captain Team Seven. Sakura's reaction makes a lot more sense now. "I'm sorry, Tenzo. In my defense, I did just come out of a five hour meeting with the Daimyo's advisers about his upcoming visit. And honestly, is it really fair to only be mad at me? Sakura's the one that started a betting pool. She even got Lady Tsunade involved-"
"Lady Tsunade would bet on whether Naruto is eating ramen for dinner tonight if someone asked her to," Tenzo interrupts, finally tossing his sandal down and crossing the room, dropping unceremoniously onto the couch next to Kakashi. When he speaks again, he sounds just a little less angry. "I just... I thought you knew that the kids jump to conclusions like it's their job. You should have-"
"I know." Kakashi sighs, leaning back into the cushions of the couch. "I'm not going to apologize again." He closes his eyes, letting himself relax - it's not like there's much else he can do right now anyway. "I'm also not telling them the truth. Telling Sakura I had you was the first time she's actually quit asking me questions about my love life in weeks, and I will happily let her keep thinking we're dating if it keeps her off my back."
Tenzo doesn't seem to know what to say to that, and a heavy silence - not quite awkward, but not entirely comfortable either - falls over them, and when Tenzo continues to offer no response, he lets himself begin to doze off.
He's half-asleep when Tenzo finally speaks, pulling him back to attention. He cracks one eye open, giving him a curious look.
"I guess I can go along with it," he says, and if Kakashi isn't mistaken, his friend's cheeks are flushed. "If Sakura really bothers you as much as you say she does, I can pretend that we're dating."
"You sure?" Kakashi asks, both eyes open now as he looks at Tenzo, and after a split second of hesitation, Tenzo nods, though his expression becomes one of regret when Kakashi grins wolfishly. "I could kiss you right now."
Tenzo slugging his shoulder as hard as he can is totally worth the way he turns the same shade as a beet and bolts for the door.
---
At first, pretending to date Tenzo had been a good idea. Sakura and Sai still ask questions, but Sakura isn't as pushy as she'd been before and she's teaching Sai to be more tactful, so if Kakashi asks them to respect his privacy and drop it, they typically listen. Sasuke just doesn't care, so he's a non-issue in that regard (which - and he won't tell the others - makes the Uchiha his current favorite).
Naruto, on the other hand, isn't as considerate, but Kakashi's still not entirely convinced the boy wasn't raised by wolves when no one was looking so that's to be expected.
He does have to admit it's nice, not having to field questions about his personal life constantly, and even nicer still to get out of doing things by telling the kids he's spending time with Tenzo.
At least, it was nice, until Naruto was finally promoted to Jonin and he decided to have his celebration at a bar.
Maybe it's the poorly lit booth Naruto picks out in the back of the room, or the sake sitting warm in his belly, but Kakashi finds himself letting his guard down - and, in a strange turn of events, actually enjoys himself.
"I didn't know Kakashi-sensei knew how to have fun!" Naruto crows about it over his third drink, and it visibly sloshes over his fingers when he thrusts his cup into the air.
Kakashi would probably be offended if he weren't already beginning to feel a bit of a buzz, and besides - Naruto isn't wrong. But he's not going to put a damper on the night by bringing up the differences in their childhoods.
"I know how to have fun," Kakashi tells him instead, reaching over to pat Tenzo's back when he inhales his drink. "I played along when you were trying to see under my mask, didn't I? I even tried to help you."
"What are you talking about?" Sakura asks, but instead of answering Kakashi just grins, tugging his mask down and taking a drink.
Sakura is the only one currently looking at him, and by the time she recovers from her own shock and gets Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai's attention, his mask is already securely back in place.
The others, of course, don't believe her.
Four drinks in, the mask comes off and stays off. He's starting to feel unnaturally warm as the alcohol takes effect, and he's tired of pulling it up and down - at this point, Naruto is the only one who hasn't seen his face because Sakura, who is now taking Sasuke's place as his favorite, has been making him look the other way when Kakashi tugs it down.
This time he's paying attention, though, and his indignant reaction to realizing his friends really do already know is almost worth the mouthful of water he spits in Kakashi's face.
Five drinks in, the full length of Kakashi's leg is pressed against Tenzo's despite how much space they still have on their side of the table, his arm thrown carelessly over Tenzo's shoulders as Naruto regales them with a story about the new jutsu he's working on.
Six is still sitting untouched in front of him when he turns his head to mumble something in Tenzo's ear, and he doesn't really register the kiss he presses to Tenzo's temple until Naruto makes a joke about the PDA like he hasn't been all over Sasuke for the last twenty minutes.
Seven... Well, seven has him standing at the bar waiting for eight when Tenzo's hand suddenly wraps around his wrist, and then his back is pressed to the wall in the dark hallway that leads to the bathroom and Tenzo is kissing him, hands in his hair while his own are pressed to the small of his back.
Seven has him fleeing as fast as his feet can carry him and feeling grossly more sober than he had been seven drinks ago.
Seven has him realizing he is absolutely fucked.
Of course, he's known how he feels about Tenzo for way longer than he would ever admit - he reads enough trashy romance novels to know what it means when his palms start to sweat and his heart tries to escape his chest when Tenzo is around. The question is when this had started - maybe when they'd started going on missions together again, after his students had all left for other teachers.
Now that he thinks about it, he does remember a moment on one particular mission to the Land of Waves where they went undercover in a local bar to gather information, and seeing Tenzo smiling and laughing with the locals had made his chest feel so tight he thought he was having a heart attack.
Yeah, that's the moment. It has to be.
But whether that moment was the catalyst or not, the truth of it is inescapable - at some point, Kakashi had fallen hopelessly and pathetically in love with Tenzo, and that realization is somehow both the best and worst thing that has ever happened to him.
The problem with that is, though, that Tenzo had kissed him back. In fact, if he recalls correctly, Tenzo had been the one to drag him into that hallway in the first place, had been the one to tug his mask down and kiss him stupid. And that is terrifying and confusing and he doesn't know what the hell to do.
Which is how he finds himself confessing everything to Sakura when she visits him in his office the next day, hiding his head beneath a newspaper on his desk while she laughs at him.
He supposes he deserves it.
"You love him," she says, patting his shoulder sympathetically. She makes it sound so simple.
"No," he groans, but he's a liar and she's heartless.
"Yes." She pulls the paper away and rolls it up, smacking him on the head with it. "If Naruto and Sasuke can get over themselves, you can too. Just tell him how you feel and date him for real." With that she turns to leave, taking his newspaper with her.
"I hate you," he calls half-heartedly after her as she goes, but she just laughs and shuts the door.