Chapter Text
I`m Tim Drake, he thinks, when the sharp knife makes another scar on his abdomen. Great, next to his collection, almost in the same place as that one of losing spleen. He can`t deal with this right now, he needs something to keep him occupied.
I`m…
The lonely child in a big house
He was special. His parents knew that for the moment, when his mother made the test for the first time. Second. Third. Last six months she and her husband spent on different trips, but he didn’t feel betrayed of her affair. That wasn’t the marriage of love, just the reasonal busisness. Janet was the daughter of owner of Flips Industries and the…
Don’t, he thinks. I don’t wanna remember them like this. But he doesn’t want many things, none of them matter. His whole body hurts, the lungs scream for another breath, he`s dizzy and wants to throw up.
He tells himself to keep moving, when more robbers come to the room.
I`m…
The Replacement of the Soldier
That’s not true. Of course, Jason still calls him “The Replacement”, but now it gets better. They`re civil. Not ideal, but civil. Just like every family. Even if Bruce doesn’t have time for him, Damian wants him to die and Dick… Dick is busy. Everyone wants to be on the Dick`s schedule, when the Wonder Boy rarely have time for himself. Tim is not jealous, that he can make lunch every week with Bruce, sparring with Jason and patrol with Demon`s Child, but don’t have time for little chat with him.
He is not, because he is taught not to be lonely.
Besides Alfred is nice. Always was, he had never forgot to got him from school, he had never screamed at him for the wet sheets and had never hit him.
Yes, Tim thinks, Alfred is nice.
He thinks about Alfred`s cookies and sassy comments, because even the thought about da… Bruce and his brother makes him sick.
The Robin
Just older model. Dick once asked him, what he thinks about Jason. For Tim it was always simple answer, Jason is amazing. Full of passion, angry and violence, he went through hell and he still is just one of them. The Robins. His first true crush, before he met Dick properly and starts to find his flirty smile attractive. It`s much more complicated, still Tim can uderstand Jas.
Tim also had never been a Robin for himself. He was Robin for the city, for Bruce, for this family, and for justice, but in heart he will be always be the worse copy of Wonder Boy.
Yes, he thinks, I can understand. None of us ever will be the second Dick Grayson.
The Friend of Alien
There was Kon, too. Kon, who had knew Dick and still liked Tim. For him it was a small miracle, because he often heard the team, when they talked about Jason. They didn`t know the names, didn`t know why the first and second Robin was gone, but they have their speculations. For them Dick was the great one, the only, who was related to Young Justice, before he decided to run to Titans. Jason was just the rat, who didn`t know his place, who made their friend desappear.
There was the Steph too.
But mainly there was death. Over nad over someone had to die.
Tim knows, that he loved them. More than he loved his favourite album with photos of Jason as Robin or first time, when Bruce praised him.
He just never found the right moment to tell them about his feelings.
Maybe they knew. Or maybe it doesn`t matter anymore.
They were nice too.
I like the nice things, he thinks, when he starts whining. His thoughts are slow, his tongue is dry. He screams for the first time.
The Last of the Titan
It`s time also for him, right? Everyone has to die at some point.
The scared one
He doesnt` want to die in silence, so he screams. He begs. He cries. He can`t pretend that he will see the dawn.
Tim.
They finds him, when it`s still dark. Someone`s shaking hands hug him close.
It`s nice.
Just not enough.