Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You were finishing up getting ready for that night of customers when you noticed some of the girls whispering and shaking their heads. “What is it?” You asked, not glancing over at them as you carefully applied the lipstick.

“Thomas Shelby is here.” One of the girls said.

“Thomas Shelby, you sure?” You asked, pausing now to glance at the girl who had spoken.

“Aye, saw him with me own eyes. Why do you think he’s here?” Another woman asked and various responses were given. Didn’t that man have Lizzie Stark to keep his bed warm? Among other girls? You let the girls around you speculate and talk while you finished getting ready. There, perfect.

You stood up then as your boss came in. “Alright, downstairs you lot.” He directed and the girls shuffled out one after another. This was the part you always disliked the most. Men would sometimes have the whores lined up, examining them as if they were buying some racehorse. But the money had to be made so you followed. You lined up with the rest of the girls, standing quietly as Thomas Shelby came in.

The man looked quite worn out and weary looking. You had caught glimpses of him before but this was the most disheveled you had ever seen him. Poor bloke. Tommy walked down the line silently before he paused in front of you. He looked at you and you, quite daringly, met his gaze. His gaze was quite intense and you did everything in your power to not look away, despite what instinct told you. It felt like an hour that you two stared at each other but it was only a few moments before Tommy broke the eye contact and turned to your boss. “I want her.” He declared and placed a wad of cash in the man’s hand.

“Of course, sir. Room 4 is yours.” The man announced. Room 4 was the best room but also the most expensive. It had a beautiful bed with fresh sheets and even a small bathroom off to the side. You blinked for a moment then nodded before motioning for Tommy to follow you. “Tell us everything.” One girl whispered and you nodded, squeezing her hand lightly before going up the stairs.

Once you had reached the room and the door closed behind you, Tommy went over and sat on the bed silently. You stood at the door, unsure of what to do. Normally the men told you what they wanted but it seemed that Tommy was not going to speak. He leaned down and began to untie his shoes but you went over and knelt down. “Let me.” You murmured as you untied his shoes and pulled them off his feet. “What would you like next?” You asked, looking up at him.

“What’s your name?” He asked, voice sounding fatigued.

“(Y/N).” You replied after a pause, simply taken aback by Tommy asking for your name. He gave a soft hum before he removed his jacket and laid down on the bed. Now you were thoroughly perplexed.

“Forgive my bluntness, Mr. Shelby, but what would you like me to do?” You finally asked with a soft huff.

“Lay here with me,” Thomas directed and patted the spot next to him. You went around the other side of the bed as Tommy lit a cigarette. He offered you one as you climbed into bed but you declined. “Come here.” He said then and pulled you against his chest so you two were cuddling. While this was not the first time that you had been cuddled by a man, it was normally after sex. “Just lay with me here for a bit, alright?” Tommy asked and you responded silently. You could do that.

You laid there in silence for however long it took Tommy to finish his cigarette. You were beginning to feel rather sleepy when Tommy gently nudged you. You lifted your head up a bit and were quick to find Tommy’s lips were on yours. Normally you didn’t let clients kiss you on the lips but seeing how high paying Thomas was of a customer, you decided to forgo that rule and kiss him back.

You let Tommy climb on top of you as his lips moved down to your neck where he began to kiss it. You moved to remove his shirt and it was not long before he was naked beneath you. The sex with Tommy was certainly unprecedented. Unlike other clients, Tommy took the time to enjoy himself though, especially by the end, he did become urgent and needy. He also took care of you, something that never happened unless it was by your own hand.

When he finished and was laying next to you, you climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom. Your neck and chest were covered in various lovebites and you cursed softly. You would need more makeup to cover those. You looked behind you in the mirror as Tommy came up behind you, having pulled on his boxers. “I’ll give you extra so you can buy some makeup to cover those up.” He said and you nodded your thanks.

You slipped out of the bathroom then and began to pull on your undergarments then your robe. Tommy silently got dressed as well then pulled out a wad of cash, handing it to you. He clearly saw how wide your eyes got from the sight of so much money. “Not paid well here?” He asked.

“Could be worse, could be better.” You answered as you stuck the wad of cash into your bra and turned to leave. “Will that be all, Mr. Shelby?” You asked, hand on the door nob.

“Why do you do it?” Thomas asked after a moment.

“Do what?”

“Whore yourself out.”

“Ah, Mr. Shelby.” You said with a smirk. “That is a story for another time.” You answered before slipping out, feeling quite proud of that response. Once you were back with the other girls, you were quick to tell them about Thomas and the experience. You didn’t have long to talk before you were all back out on the floor to gain more clients.

You didn’t see Tommy for the rest of the week and didn’t see him till the next week when once again, he came in. This time he requested you instantly and once more you were brought to room 4. “I see your hickeys have disappeared.” Tommy commented as you once more laid on his chest while he smoked.

“Aye, they did. Makeup did help but we have a variety of other tricks to get them to disappear.” You answered.

“What’s one of them?”

“Cold spoon. Another one is toothpaste.”

“Toothpaste, really?” You nodded in reply and Thomas snickered in amusement. “Never would have thought of that.” He commented, tapping his cigarette on the ashtray.

“We have learned lots of creative ways to get rid of unpleasant things.” You said in reply, smiling faintly as you thought of the infinite ways you knew to get rid of love bites. After that small conversation and Tommy finished his cigarette, the two of you had sex once again. Once again, you stood at the doorway and asked if there was anything else he needed.

“I need a heart.” Was his answer this time and you smiled sympathetically.

“Ah, afraid I can’t give what I ain’t got.” You said before you left him. This is how things went for nearly two months. Tommy started coming twice a week, three times when it was a particularly rough week for him. You began to pick up on signs of what sort of week he had been having and what mood he was in.

Sometimes the two of you had hard, raw sex while other times you took your time with each other. Each time before you had sex, you would lay there on Tommy’s bare chest while he smoked. Sometimes he would ask you questions, just about your day or about your week. You would do the same. And then every time before you left, you asked him if there was anything else he needed. Tommy always had some request, one that you could never fill and instead gave a witty reply.

You found yourself beginning to look forward to the time with Tommy not just because he was good in bed but because he seemed to actually care for you and treated you like a human being rather than an animal like most men. In return, Tommy started looking forward to spending his time with you. He always enjoyed your witty replies and looked forward to them despite this meaning that you had to go.

One week, Tommy didn’t show up at all. Everybody was curious as to why but you had no answers. He didn’t mention anything about leaving. Perhaps he had gone back to Lizzie Stark after all this time. You pushed aside your feelings the best you could. Besides, it was Thomas Shelby and if he was dead, everyone would know it. Another week passed and you had heard rumors of the Peaky Blinders having a fight and that one man was dead. Dread filled your stomach to the point that you felt sick. Was that one man Tommy? No, it couldn’t be.

It had been 15 days exactly since you had seen Tommy and you had finally given up that he would be coming back. Naturally, that was the exact evening he came walking back in. You were sitting on the lap of some gentleman, laughing at what he said when suddenly you were grabbed by the arm. “Oi, hands off!” You snapped, yanking your arm free and turning to see Tommy before you. “Christ almighty.” You muttered to yourself.

“I’ll be needing (Y/N) for the rest of the night,” Tommy said, throwing a small bundle of bills at the man before leading you off. You were quick to go up to room 4 and once the door was closed, Tommy shoved you against it, kissing you roughly. You found that you had missed this so his kiss was met with a passion of your own. The two of you lurched back to the bed where you fell onto it, Tommy climbing on top of you. As you worked off his shirt, you stopped when you saw a massive bandage covering his shoulder.

“Tommy...what happened?” You asked, moving your mouth away from his in order to speak. Tommy gave a soft groan.

“Let’s talk about it later.” He demanded and you hesitated. While you did want to talk about the bandage now...he was still technically your client and you did have to listen to him. You gave a small nod before turning back to kiss him. The passion wasn’t quite there now because you were worried.

After the two of you had finished, as per usual, Tommy lit his cigarette and you went and cleaned yourself up. Not caring that you were naked, you sat down on the side of the bed that Tommy was stretched out on. “So, want to explain that shoulder injury you got?” You asked, taking the offered cigarette from Tommy that he had lit for you, taking a quick drag of the smoke. Tommy was still for a few long pauses and you were unsure if he was actually going to speak.

“You know of the Peaky Blinders,” Tommy began. “Well, about two weeks ago, our plan to expand finally happened and we took down Billy Kimber and his men.”

“Holy shit.” You whispered in wonder. While you stayed far away from the gangs, you knew all about them.

“Danny Whizz-Bang, a friend of mine, was shot through the head. Then I shot Kimber but not before the fucker got a bullet lodged in my shoulder. So, for the past two weeks, I’ve been dealing with an infection in the bloody shoulder, hence why I couldn’t come and see you.” Tommy glanced over at you then gave you one of his coy smirks. “You miss me then? Worried about your boy, Tom, huh?” He teased. You scoffed but you were sure your cheeks were turning red since Tommy laughed. A true laugh that seemed to come from deep inside Tommy. You were confident that you had never heard Tommy laugh, truly laugh.

“You should laugh some more.” You commented then, taking another drag of your cigarette.

“Hard to laugh when there’s nothing good in life,” Tommy commented, turning the mood in the room dark.

“That’s why you find things that make you happy and when you find them, you grip on and don’t let go.” You answered as you stood and began to pull on your lingerie once more. Tommy watched you get dressed and you paused as always by the door. “Will that be all, Mr. Shelby?” You asked, the words feeling as familiar as your own name on your tongue.

“Do you have that something that makes you happy, that you gripped onto?” Thomas asked.

“Aye, I did.” Was the simple reply that Tommy got and then you left.

Things went back to normal after that. Tommy came back to see you twice a week and you were glad of it. Things were as they should be. You had a lot of questions that were beginning to run through your mind that you wanted to ask Tommy but you always seemed to lack the courage when the time was right. The two of you began to spend more time together in room 4. You still had sex of course (and were trying out new things every time because Tommy was eager to try kinky things) but afterward, you two would sit on the bed and talk. When your boss told you that you had to stop this, Tommy simply paid more for you. While you felt flattered that Tommy wanted to spend more time with you, you still were facing the dilemma of the fact that you were just a common whore and that he would, at some point, leave and never come back.

Those thoughts always made your stomach twist into knots and you refused to let yourself dwell on them. Because of Tommy, you were making more money than ever before though, you were sure that your boss was keeping some of your profit for himself but you couldn’t prove it so you let it go.

One evening, the two of you were lounging about and Tommy mentioned how some time ago, his brother was planning to get married to Lizzie Stark but the marriage fell through for multiple reasons. “Was it cause you were fucking her?” You asked bluntly and Tommy paused, raising an eyebrow as he glanced over at you.

“No, it wasn’t. She said she had changed. I offered her money for one last fuck and she took it. Didn’t sleep with her but it proved she hadn’t changed her ways.”

“What happened to her after she was dumped by your brother?”

“Not sure, believe she went back to being a whore and taking classes to learn how to type.”

“So, that’s why you came to see me then?”

“Yup.” Tommy’s blue eyes met your gaze steadily and you were suddenly reminded of when you first two met and when you met Tommy’s gaze.

“Why did you chose me, Tommy? Sure, I’m young, but there are girls here with bigger butts and bigger boobs.” Tommy was silent for a few moments as his eyes thoroughly studied your face.

“Do you want to make a deal, (Y/N)?” Tommy asked you suddenly.

“What sort of deal?” You asked cautiously.

“Tell me about why you do this profession and I’ll tell you why I chose you,” Tommy answered then spat on his hand and offered it to you. You looked hard at him for a long moment, your eyes searching his face, trying to pick up on some alternative motive he might have. Finding none, you gave up and spat in your own hand, shaking Tommy’s hand as he grinned. After you let go, Tommy leaned back against the pillows. He was such a beautiful sight. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of boxers and his hair was still messy from the sex. His eyes had a keen look at them. When Tommy motioned for you to speak, you began.

“Was born in the slums of London. Mum did her best for my siblings and me but it’s hard to feed 6 little ones. Dad had walked out a long time ago before I was born. Life was hard but we made it through. I learned how to steal and beg. Really not that hard. I learned how to take care of myself. Running through the streets of London teach you how to do that. I dunno if you ever heard of Alfie Solomons, runs a bakery and distillery up in Camden Town. He and me were best friends growing up. Anyways, I left the house when I was 13 and went to make my own living. Worked in a factory for three years and then left because I got sick. Lungs never been the same since then but hey, what can you do?” You paused to see that Tommy was still listening intently. “And then, one night, I couldn’t find anywhere to sleep and it was snowing. I didn’t fancy freezing to death and that’s when I ran into Mama Morton, that’s what we all call her. She was like some angel coming to save me. Fucking biblical, mate.” You chuckled before shaking your head. “Anyways, she brought me inside to the whore house and basically in return for whoring myself out, I earned some money, had a place to sleep every night, and got food. So I said why the hell not and did so.” The silence felt deafening and you impatiently waited for Tommy to speak.

“Any of your siblings still alive?” He asked finally. Damn, hitting you with the hard questions tonight it seemed.

“My youngest brother is. Last I heard he was working in Manchester but he might’ve moved. Don’t know anything about the others or me mum.” You had finished your cigarette at this point and put it in the ashtray. “Now, you get to answer my question.”

“Your eyes,” Tommy answered instantly and you motioned for him to explain more. “You met my gaze and didn’t break it. No woman ever does that. All of them look away the instant that they meet my gaze but you didn’t. You were a challenge.” Feeling pleased with this answer, you got up and began to dress once more. As always, you stopped at the door.

“Will that be all, Mr. Shelby?”

“Did I win that challenge? Of winning you over?”

“That remains to be seen. Goodnight, Mr. Shelby.” You declared before leaving. Who were you kidding? He had totally won you over.

A week later, when you were about to leave Tommy’s room, you asked your normal question but Tommy had one ready for you. “I need you to come as a date with me to Derby day.” This stopped you completely and you stared at Thomas in shock. “I’ll pay you good money for it too. But I need someone to accompany me because it wouldn’t look proper if I showed up to the biggest day in racing without a date.”

“But I’m a whore, just a common whore. Shouldn’t you be taking like some...dutchess or something?” You asked, voice faltering a bit.

“Not rich enough for a dutchess yet, love.” He answered with a smirk. “All I would need you to do is to keep me company and make sure I don’t kill anyone.”

“Is there a chance of that happening?”

“Always a chance of that happening with me.” Tommy gave you the specific details and then got up, grabbing his jacket and pulling it back onto his now fully clothed body. “Tell me next time I come,” Tommy said and as he passed you, he gave you some money. “And buy yourself a nice dress.” You stared there astonished as Tommy left.

The next time he showed up, he received his answer in the form of you wearing the dress you had bought for the day. Tommy approved of it but he also approved of it off of you which is where the dress ended up.

Derby Day finally came around and you were just putting the finishing touches on your make up when you were informed that Tommy had arrived. The women around you gushed and one of them slipped you a small handgun. “Just in case.” She whispered and you pocketed the gun in the small purse you were borrowing before heading out.

“You look like a duchess,” Thomas commented as you met him outside.

“Thought you said you weren’t rich enough for a duchess.” You replied as you climbed into the side. Thomas chuckled as he got in and started the car. Soon enough, you were at the race track. You had never been and honestly, you were not sure what to expect. You climbed out as Tommy parked the car, pressing a gloved hand to your hat to keep it from blowing away. Tommy said nothing as he came around to the other side and offered you his arm which you took and the two of you headed into the race track.

There was a lot to take in. New noises and sounds filled your senses as your eyes drank everything in greedily. Tommy naturally led you straight to the bar where you ordered a shot and downed it quickly. Tommy chuckled and you ordered another one, downing that one as well. “Steady yourself,” Thomas instructed.

“I am steady. Just needed something for the nerves.” You muttered and Tommy nodded in understanding. Tommy saw someone and he gave a wave before leaving your side, saying he would be back in a moment. While he was gone, you ordered another shot which you took quickly.

“Easy there, lass. Don’t want to end up vomiting all over that pretty lil’ dress of yours.” You spun around at the familiar voice to find yourself faced with Alfie Solomons.

“Alfie fucking Solomons!” You exclaimed and he laughed, engulfing you in a secure hug which you happily received and returned. “How the hell have you been?” You asked once you pulled away. The two of you caught up and were still chatting when Tommy came back.

“Alfie.” Tommy greeted the man with a handshake.

“Shalom, shalom,” Alfie answered, shaking Tommy’s hand with a grin. “I was just catching up with this lovely lass.” He said, rubbing at his beard.

“Yes, (Y/N) mentioned you two grew up together.”

“I hope you didn’t say anything embarrassing about me,” Alfie said, turning to look at you.

“No, I didn’t.” You assured Alfie with a laugh before Tommy put a hand on your arm.

“We should get going.” He commented and you kissed Alfie’s cheek. He promised to be in contact shortly and then you parted away. Tommy led you up to his private box where some other people were milling about. You recognized his brothers who had visited the brothel in the past. You had never slept with them but you knew the girls who did. Tommy introduced you to his family and they all seemed fine with you except for Polly. Polly was giving you such a hard stare that you felt like she could see your entire life and was judging you. So, in response, you got yourself a strong drink and went to stand at the window, watching the people before you. Tommy eventually came over to join you.

“Your aunt despises me.” You commented.

“She hates everyone.”

“Including you?”

“Especially me.” Tommy looked over to you and you met his gaze with a soft smile. Arthur then came over and the two of you started to chat about nothing in particular. Eventually, you made your bets, drank some more, and then the race began and by some sheer dumb luck, the horse you had bet on had won. At this point, you were quite intoxicated and you were jumping up and down, gripping Tommy’s arm gleefully as you went to collect your earnings. You probably should have kept better track of your alcohol but at the moment that was your last thought on your mind.

After you collected your earnings, Tommy brought you back to the car, Tommy half supporting, half dragging you. “You don’t get drunk often, do you.” He muttered as he got you into the car.

“Drunk? I’m not drunk! I’m just...a bird, flying!” You said with a giggle, flapping your arms for a moment as Tommy got into the car and began to drive.

“I’m taking you to my place.” He commented. “I want to make sure that you get taken care of properly and I don’t trust that place.”

“Hmm...you’re bringing me home. No one ever brings a whore into their home. People will talk.” You grunted. “But it’s okay because I’m a birdy and I’ll just fly away!” You began to ramble and Tommy let you do so until he reached his house. Indeed, the place was quite big but it was hard to see in the twilight. Thomas helped you out of the car and brought you up to the guest room and helped you get into bed. It was the last thing you remembered before you passed out.

The next morning when you woke up, your throat was as dry as a dessert. Christ, you really should not have had that much to drink. Wearily climbing out of bed, it took you a moment to steady yourself before you made your way to the bathroom where you washed up and made yourself look as presentable as you could.

Finally, after you made yourself look as good as you could, you got your bag and slipped out of the room. You had plans to sneak out and avoid Thomas but it seemed that Thomas would not be having it for he met you at the bottom of the staircase. “Good, you’re awake. I was afraid your breakfast was going to get cold.” He said.

“Breakfast?” You asked as you followed Tommy into a massive dining room.

“Yes, do you think I would let you go without feeding you first?” He asked as he pulled out a chair for you and you slowly sat down. “I’ll drive you back since I want to have a talk with your boss.” He commented as you took a spoon and began to eat your oatmeal.

“Did I do something wrong?” You asked in a suddenly very hushed tone. If a girl misbehaved at the place, they were punished in horrific ways. “Was it because I got drunk? I’m quite sorry about that Thomas. I swear, if I made a mistake, I’ll fix it somehow.” You were going to keep rambling but Thomas raised a hand and you fell silent.

“Relax, (Y/N). I’m just going to find out how much I owe him for keeping you overnight.” Tommy answered before he picked up his paper and began to read. Breakfast was a quiet meal which you were grateful for since your head was still hurting. Tommy took you back to the whore house and you bid him goodbye as he went off to speak with your boss. You hurried upstairs to where you knew your friends were waiting, eager to tell them everything.

After Derby Day, things went back to normal except for one thing. At first, you didn’t really notice it, figuring it was just a slow week until the pattern continued. You were getting fewer clients. Even your normal ones stopped showing up. Finally, about two months after Derby Day, you were with Tommy, your only client for the past 4 days.

The two of you were in your normal room and Tommy was talking about his day as he unbuttoned his shirt. “Tommy?” You asked. Something in your tone made him stop and look at you. “Have you done something with my clients?” You asked, tone hesitant because you were indeed hesitant to ask this.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for the last two months, I’ve been given less and fewer clients until they’re all gone. Even my regulars. The other girls get them, they’ve told me about it. I was just wondering if you had something to do with it.” You fell silent then, for once not meeting Thomas’ gaze.

“Yes.” He finally admitted, sitting down on the bed next to you and taking your hand.

“Fucking hell, Tom.” You breathed. “That’s how I make my living! I get profit from those men! I’m almost out of money now.” You told him, pulling your hand.

“I didn’t realize-” He began but you interrupted.

“Of course you didn’t realize! You’re used to getting everything you wanted and when you couldn’t and you had to share me...it’s like you bought me like some slave.”

“Don’t you want to know why I did this!?” Thomas snapped at you.

“It’s obvious. You want to own me. You want me for yourself.” You retorted and Thomas shook his head.

“No, it’s because I care for you. I care for you quite deeply and have for some time. Knowing that other men were...using you, it made my blood boil. Made me want to shoot them all. So yes, I bribed your boss and have been paying him not to give you any clients other than me.” Thomas met your gaze and you just shook his head at him.

“How am I suppose to make a living now?”

“You don’t need to.”

“What do you mean?” Tommy fidgeted wringing his fingers together nervously. “Well?” You pressed insistently.

“I want you to come live with me.” You stared at Thomas, mouth dropping open in pure shock.

“Live with you?” You finally whispered, your throat tightening up.

“Yes, live with me,” Thomas said, his voice taking on a delicate, soothing tone as he took your hand. “I want you to quit this life and I want you to come live with me. I’ve fancied you for some time and I want you to be happy.” Your throat couldn’t take it anymore and you found tears silently rolling down your cheeks. Tommy reached up a hand and gently wiped the tears away. “Talk to me.” He pleaded quietly.

“I just...what would I do with myself? I don’t want to sit around all day, waiting for you to come home.”

“You could come work for the Peaky Blinders.” Tommy offered but you shook your head.

“No, I’ve worked for someone else long enough. I want to be my own boss.” You declared.

“Do you have something in mind?” Tommy asked then and you slowly nodded, an idea popping into your head.

“Yes, I do believe so. I want to open up a charity for troubled children like I was. I want to help orphans.”

“Done.” You looked at Tommy in complete surprise and he chuckled. “You forget who I am, love.” He murmured, poking your nose lightly. He was unable to say nothing more for you were kissing him quite passionately. He kissed you back for a few moments then broke away. “So, you’ll come live with me?” He asked.

“Will that be all, Mr. Shelby?”

“Hmm, I do believe so.”

“Then yes.” You answered before promptly reconnecting your lips and kissing Tommy deeply.

Chapter Text

A week later, you had said your goodbyes to your friends at the brothel and had moved in with Tommy at Arrow House. The house was massive with far too many rooms that were empty. It almost gave an eerie feeling to the house as well as a rather sad feeling. Despite the numerous rooms, you and Thomas shared a room as well as a bed. There was certainly no lack of space in this room. Besides the king-size bed, there was a closet that seemed to go back as far as your eye could see and was filled with various clothing items, each placed perfectly. The bed did take some used to getting to. The first night as you and Tommy had gotten ready for bed, you climbed into the bed and gratefully sank into the mattress. It felt like your body was being engulfed in a cushioned hug. The mattress filled with goose feathers so it was astonishingly soft to lay on. The sheets were smooth and the blankets were luxurious. You were used to a skinny mattress and a few old blankets. This house felt like a palace more than a house.

The first few days at Arrow House you spent mostly by yourself since Tommy was at work. You spent as much time as you could in the gardens, reading or walking about. It felt strange not to have anything to do. You could wake up when you wished, go where you chose. There was a car waiting at all times to take you wherever your heart might desire. You had gone into Small Heath once but it had gone rather poorly. Word had spread that you were Thomas Shelby’s new girl and that you had been his whore first. While nobody dared to say anything to your face, you knew you were what everybody was gossiping about behind your back. You had heard it when you had walked into the dressmaker’s shop that day. There were a few women in the shop and as you ordered your dresses, you heard the words “whore” and “disgrace” thrown about. As you were leaving, a woman came in at the same time and the two of you collided. As you apologized, the woman shot you such a nasty look that your voice faltered and you slipped out of the store. For the rest of that day, you could not get that look out of your mind. How could a random stranger hate you so much? Tommy sensed something was off but when he asked, you assured him you were fine.

Tommy’s family knew about you and it seemed to have caused rather a big fight between them and Tommy. He didn’t tell you much about it but you could hear him yelling about it on the phone one night to Polly. You hadn’t meant to overhear but you had been walking by Tommy’s study when you heard him yelling. The door was slightly ajar and you couldn’t help but glance into the room to see him oh the phone, pacing, hand waving about. “Yes, Pol, for the thousandth time, I fucking know what happened with Lizzie and John! I’m not a fucking idiot!” Polly replied with something that made Tommy groan loudly. “I don’t think she is using me for the fucking money. She isn’t that type of person! If you met her, you would see this!” At this point, you had heard enough and retreated to your silent room. Tommy had this enormous house and everything he wanted, it seemed.

Would you ever be able to escape your past and your mistakes?

Life was all right. But that was the thing: it was only all right. You had no friends, and Tommy was only around really in the evenings if he was not working. When Tommy was around, life seemed to be better. Tommy introduced you to the small herd of horses who lived on the property. They were his prized possessions, he told you. There were only three horses there, horses that Tommy had raced and had retired. These horses were still rideable so Tommy took it upon himself to teach you to ride. At first, you had been petrified. How could you control this two thousand pound beast with only some leather and your legs? Somehow though, you got on that horse and you eventually began to enjoy riding. Once you were comfortable in the saddle, Tommy took you out around the property during the evening. This was where the two of you did most of the talking. It felt odd, talking to Thomas so openly. While you had been his whore, you had kept things from him, such as how your week really had been or how much you were struggling. He had come there for a good time, not to hear about your life problems. Now though, you opened up to him about what life had been like. Much to your relief, he was not angry about you keeping the truth from him but rather accepted it and moved on. You did try to get Tommy to open up about his past and family but that proved to be rather fruitless so after a few attempts, you gave up. You had also tried to convince Tommy to go on holiday but that also proved to be a pointless attempt since he always had work he had to do.

One of your favorite activities to do with Tommy was such a simple thing yet it brought much-needed peace to the both of you. Tommy would make a fire in his study and the two of you would sit on the couch, cuddling close while you read and Tommy did work or snoozed. Having Tommy’s leg to lean against proved to be an excellent pillow and it was very easy to access Tommy’s cock when desired.

Despite the hours spent together, the deep conversations, and the sex, neither you or Tommy quite knew where your relationship stood. Calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend felt childish. You were obviously not married or engaged. So what were you? Neither of you ever brought it up so it stayed unknown.

The nights you looked forward to but it was the days that you dreaded. There were only so many times one could walk around a garden and only so many hours one could sit still and read. Your life was isolating, that was the basis of it. The few staff who were there seemed unsure of you and you wondered if they knew about your past. They gave you plenty of space, but it left you feeling isolated even more. Besides Tommy, they were your only other company, since you had not gone back into town since that day in the dress shop.

After being at Arrow House for a month, you decided that you would talk to Tommy about your loneliness. You brought it up that night at dinner. You were careful with your words, so that Thomas would not have a full understanding of exactly what had been going on since you didn’t want to trouble Tommy. The Peaky Blinders were dealing with some issues with the Russians and you knew Tommy was incredibly stressed over the situation, despite not saying anything. You had picked up on his body language over the past month which is how you knew. While you had thought about not telling Tommy until the Russian issue was resolved, the isolation was becoming too much. The thought that Tommy was avoiding you kept appearing in your head, despite how you fought to ignore them. No, Tommy is working, nothing more. He is not seeing another girl or avoiding you. It’s just work you had to remind yourself time and time again. Instead of telling Tommy all of this though, you just told him how you felt lonely during the day when he was not around and how you wished to have something to keep you occupied. After you finished, Tommy took a sip of water before speaking.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling like that,” he said, glancing up at you, then down at his half-eaten meatloaf. “If you still are keen on that idea of a charity, I can have somebody come over to help you figure out ideas for planning it,”

Your spirits felt lightened by the offer and you nodded eagerly. That would be perfect. Perhaps if you did this, people in Small Heath would stop critiquing you and would at least be more kind.

And indeed, the next day a woman named Jane arrived at Arrow House. Jane, who was an expert planner (according to Tommy), came over and the two of you dove headfirst into the project. This helped to keep you occupied and it also gave you a friend. Jane didn’t know about your past, so there was none of the judgment in her eyes that you had felt with other Birmingham women. Having a job made you feel useful, and you were sure that things were going to get better. And they did. Only one thing didn’t improve: Tommy’s family.

You still hadn’t officially met them, and when you asked about it, Tommy brushed it off, saying they were busy with this and that. You were relieved at that answer. You never pushed it because honestly, you were anxious about meeting them. They didn’t like you. Well, Polly didn’t and from what you heard, everybody generally followed Polly’s lead.

After your work with Jane began, the process to open up a charity was rather easy to do. It did help that you had Thomas Shelby backing you up and supplying the necessary money. You knew that Tommy had money, but you never quite realized how much he had until he wrote you a check for five thousand pounds as the first donation without blinking. After he gave you the check, you set it on his desk.

“Tommy?” you asked, standing in front of him.

“Hmm?” he answered, not looking up from his paperwork before him.

“Can you look at me?” Perhaps it was your words or the tone in your voice but Tommy stopped writing and looked up at you. “Are you happy with me here?” The thought had been nagging you over the past few months, even after the business with the Russians had concluded. After that had finished, Tommy was still avoiding you. Least it felt that way. He was hardly at home at this point and when he was, he would often just go straight to bed. When was the last time the two of you had gone riding together? You still visited the stables but it was not as enjoyable when Tommy wasn’t there. When was the last time you two had eaten together? Or had a romantic moment? All of these factors had led to you questioning if Tommy even wanted you there.

“Of course I am. I’m very happy with you here,” Tommy answered, taking your hand and bringing it to his lips. “Why?”

You fidgeted for a few moments, trying to figure out how to answer his question.

“Why haven’t I met your family yet?” While this wasn’t exactly an answer, it was one of the reasons you questioned him.

Tommy let out a heavy sigh and leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. You moved and sat on the edge of Tommy’s desk, your eyes resting on his face. The face that you loved so much with those high cheekbones and very kissable lips.

“It’s because I want them to like you,” Tommy answered, leaning forward and grabbing a cigarette which he lit. “And after what happened with John and Lizzie a while back...they’re all convinced you’re going to be like that. That you’re with me for the money or that you’ll just break my heart.” As you heard these words, they confirmed your fears.

“Christ,” you whispered, as Tommy blew a long stream of smoke from his lips, nodding. “You know that isn’t true, right? You know I’m not using you in any way and that I don’t care about the money at all and that I just want you.” Your words continued to tumble out of your mouth, and at this point you were rambling, but you couldn’t seem to stop. You wanted the man you had fallen for to come back. The one whose chest you had laid on, the man who had made you nearly cry from laughing. It felt like you had lost him to his work. Tommy put his cigarette to the side and stood, taking you into his arms.

“Hey, hey, shh,” he murmured into your ear, pressing a hand into the back of your head to hold you close. “I know this all, alright? I know you and I know you aren’t that kind of person. They don’t know it cause they don’t know you. I know you and I know you are a good person.”

Your hands slid up and gripped onto Tommy’s shirt, pressing your nose into his neck. His cologne was a familiar scent at this point and you felt a tad calmer by it.

“I just...don’t want to get in between you and your family,” you mumbled into his neck.

“And you won’t. We’ve always had our difficulties, and I can assure you that this is nothing new, alright?” After you nodded, Tommy pulled away and cupped your cheek, his thumb gently tracing your jawline.

“It’s going to be alright,” he promised.

You chewed the inside of your lips, but after a pause, you gave a nod. You just hoped that he was going to be right.

Three months later, and the official opening night of the charity had arrived. You and Jane had been rushing around all day, making sure everything would go perfectly as planned. The event was going to be held at the house, as Tommy insisted. The total number of guests was over a hundred, but you tried not to think about that number for whenever you did, you wanted to cry from sheer nerves. The plan was a simple one. Let people arrive and mingle for about an hour. Then Tommy would make a speech about the charity’s mission to help homeless children, there would be an auction to raise money, and then the night would be over. Tommy had offered for you to make a speech but you had declined. While this was your idea, the thought of speaking in front of all those people made you feel even sicker. Thankfully, Tommy was understanding. Despite all your nerves, you felt proud of how far the charity had come. You had always wanted to help children who had been like you and this was your chance to do so.

An hour before the event was supposed to start, Tommy’s family arrived. You were there to greet them, dressed in a long red cocktail dress that was still modest and appropriate for the event. For the occasion, Tommy had bought you a matching set of diamond earrings and necklace. Polly was the first one to come over, and you put on a bright smile. You always had a talent for smiling when required. A perk of your old profession.

“Did my nephew buy that for you?” Polly asked as she came in, her eyes raking over your body.

“Yes, he did,” you answered simply. Out of everybody, Polly was the one who scared you the most.

“Hmm. The color is fitting at least,” she commented, then walked off.

The other Shelby members were better than Polly. John and Arthur weren’t quite sure how to act around you since they had seen you nearly naked before. Thankfully, Ada was on your side and took you by your arm, launching into some story. As Ada led you off, you listened to her tell some story about a bar she had been at. Once you had rounded the corner, however, Ada stopped and turned to look at you. “Don’t worry about Polly, alright? She’s always been a bit...judgemental.” Ada informed you. “But we Shelby girls have to look out for each other. And seeing how you’ve stuck with my brother for this long...I say you’re good.” She announced. “I can hardly stand him for more than an hour before I want to strangle him.” Ada’s words had more power to them then Ada probably realized. She had called you a Shelby girl. She liked you. It took all your self-control to keep your voice even and reply with a “thank you” but god, how you wished you could hug Ada that moment. Ada was your savior that night. She assured you that John and Arthur would be fine within the hour, that Finn already liked you because Finn liked everyone and that Polly was Polly. Ada wasn’t even sure if Polly liked her own family.

Ada stuck to your side that night. Having Ada at your side made you feel more confident, surer of yourself. You had somebody else there who was supporting you, helping you navigate this new world of high society. As people began to arrive, you were introduced to various people whose names you forgot the second after meeting them. Things fell into a pattern, however. You were introduced, shook hands, made small talk for a few moments then moved on. You could do this.

Still, it was all very overwhelming and you eventually excused yourself and went to Tommy’s study. It was peaceful in there and you went to the window behind his desk, leaning against the cool frame. The coldness felt refreshing against your flushed cheeks. You had not had a drop of alcohol so far that night simply because you wanted to have all your senses about you. But Christ, what you would give for a shot or two. When the door opened a few minutes later, you jumped, but it was only Tommy who shut the door behind him and made his way over to you.

“Doing alright?” Tommy asked as he came up behind you, pulling your back against his chest.

“I guess,” you answered, leaning against him as he blew out some smoke. Of course, he had a cigarette. When he offered it to you, you took it and took a few deep drags to try and quiet your nerves. “I thought I would get the hang of it...and I sort of do, but I still feel sick,” you said after a few moments.

“Events like these are always exhausting but they need to be done, aye? I can’t be the only one to donate to your charity.”

“I know, I know...it’s just a lot to take in.” You handed him back the cigarette and closed your eyes.

“Ada seems to have taken a liking to you.”

“Thank God too. She’s been my savior tonight.”

Tommy chuckled at this and pressed a light kiss to your neck.

“She likes you. Finn too, but Finn likes everybody,” he commented, pulling away to set his cigarette in an ashtray before coming back to you. His lips went back to your neck where he began to kiss the exposed skin, making his way slowly down to your shoulder.

“Let’s make a deal, eh?” Tommy whispered against your skin. “Make it through this all tonight and I’ll give you something a little extra before bed, how does that sound?”

“Hmm...it sounds perfect to me,” you answered with a smile playing at your lips. You turned around so you were facing Tommy, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Though, will that be all I’m getting tonight, Mr. Shelby?” You teased.

“Hmm...no. Because after I pleasure you, I plan to fuck you quite senseless so you can’t walk tomorrow.”

“My question, though, is can you wait that long?” You asked, hand sliding down to the front of his pants and stroked his hardening cock through his trousers. You received a groan in response. Smirking, you pulled away and gave Tommy a quick kiss. “Come on, we should go back.” Before Tommy had a chance to react, you slipped by him and back out to the party.

About five minutes later, when Tommy emerged from his study, you met his eyes and simply gave him a coy smile before returning to your conversation. You lost track of Thomas after that and as the socializing went on, you found yourself beginning to relax. The people were polite enough and you were able to fall into the pattern of talking once more.

The time came for Tommy to give his speech and people politely clapped as he moved to the center of the room, all eyes on him. You marveled silently at how cool, calm, and collected Tommy appeared as he thanked everyone for coming and then began to talk about the mission to help homeless children. He mentioned that you had come up with the idea but went no further than that which was what you two had planned on. You didn’t want people knowing any more of your past than they had to.

Perhaps it was just your imagination but it seemed that Tommy appeared to be tense and distracted. His shoulders had tightened and he appeared stiff where he was standing. Normally a very smooth speaker, Tommy instead had to check his notes twice to remember what he was saying. You brushed it off, saying it was just your imagination. After Tommy’s speech ended, you moved forward to thank him but he disappeared into the crowd and you didn’t see him for the rest of the night.

The auction went well and by the end of the night, you had raised over 2,000 pounds which was quite a significant amount. You thanked each person for coming as people began to gradually trickle out. It was past 11:00 when the final guest had left and the house staff came to clean. Not seeing Tommy anywhere, you figured he was in the bedroom so that's where you headed up to. As you climbed the stairs, you felt on top of the world. Everything had gone according to plan and you were well on your way to helping the children.

When you went into the bedroom, you paused, not seeing Tommy in bed. However, you heard the water running in the bathroom and went in, seeing Tommy shower. “Shall I join you?” You asked as you began to take off your jewelry. You and Tommy had often taken shower together and they often turned sexual rather quickly.

“No, I’m almost done.” came Tommy’s answer and you paused, necklace in your hand.

“Oh, are you sure? I could always make it last a bit longer.” You teased, thinking perhaps if you implied what you wanted, Tommy would agree.

Instead, you received a curt reply of “no” and a moment later the water turned off and Tommy got out. He brushed by you without a word, grabbing a towel and leaving. Frowning now, you followed him out, setting aside your earrings and necklace.

“Tommy, is everything alright?” You asked as you watched him begin to dry himself off, back to you.

“Yes, just tired.” He answered before tossing the towel to the side and pulling on a set of pajamas that had been laid out. Your stomach twisted with uneasiness but you nodded, going over to where he now laid in bed.

“Can you unzipper this, please?” Tommy reached up and yanked the zipper down, causing you to flinch from the force. There was no tenderness, no love in his touch. You slipped out of your dress then got yourself ready for bed, eventually climbing in next to Tommy. It was too dark to see his face but you knew he was still awake. Tommy was never one to fall asleep instantly. “You know, I believe I was promised something earlier by you,” you murmured as you moved so you were touching, reaching forward and cupping his dick in your hand.

“I’m tired, (Y/N)!” Tommy snapped and turned over so his back was to you. You laid there then, staring up at the ceiling, feeling completely lost. What had caused such a change in Tommy? When he had said he was tired the first time you believed him. But the second time? With the forcefulness in his voice...something felt off. Your mind began to worry. Had something happened between Tommy and his family? Had a business deal gone bad? What wasn’t he telling you?

“Tommy, is everything alright?” You tried but received no answer. “Tommy?” Silence once more. What else could you do? Silently deciding you would try again tomorrow, you closed your eyes, trying to fall asleep. It was a few minutes later that Tommy spoke in a low voice.

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Your eyes opened, puzzlement on your face.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your child.” Those two words turned your blood ice cold and you sat up, staring at Tommy.

“What...how….” You stammered, thoughts racing about how Tommy found out.

“So it is true then.” A heavy sigh escaped from Thomas’ lips and he climbed out of bed, turning on the lamp and going into his nightstand drawer, grabbing a cigarette and light.

“How...who told you?” You demanded as he went over to the window, opening it before he lit his cigarette.

“Polly.” You should have known. Leave it to that woman to dig up the dirt on you. This is what you had always feared and had done your best to keep it hidden from the world. Everything made sense now that you thought about it. Why Tommy had seemed so tense during his speech. Why he had refused your offer of a shower and sex. Who had told Polly though? When you had given birth, the only people who knew had been the small handful of prostitutes who were there at the time to help you then the priest who took your baby. They had all promised to keep their lips shut and they had for the past six years. So what made them talk now? “Polly told me and at first I thought she was lying, that it was some ruse to make me leave you. Besides, I told myself that you would have told me something like that.” Tommy’s words pulled you back to the present as he gave a hollow laugh. “But then Lizzie came up to me and asked if it was true. She said everyone was talking about it and asked if it was true. I didn’t answer her but it confirmed what Polly was saying.” Tommy shook his head as he took a long drag of his cigarette, the smoke escaping his lips gradually.

“I...I never thought it was prevalent, Tommy.” You climbed off the bed and went to Tommy, reaching out and touching his arm only to have him jerk his arm away from your touch. “It happened when I was young. I didn’t know what to do.” You walked past him and leaned against the windowpane, eyes staring out at the darkness before you. “I tried to get rid of it but...it didn’t work and by that time...it was too late.” You swallowed back a lump that had formed in your throat.

“I don’t care that you had a child, (Y/N), I care about the fact that you kept something this big from me. I thought I could trust you.”

“You can trust me!” You interjected before Tommy could go on. “I never thought that this would come up again, Thomas. You must believe me!”

“Who says I have to believe you?” Tommy took a deep breath of his cigarette then blew the smoke out once more. “All those times though...when you were a whore. When I would open up to you and tell you my fears for the business, for my family...for my own life! In return, you opened up to me. Told me your past, why you whored yourself out. Did you never once think about telling me about the fucking kid?”

“I just...Tommy, please, I never thought it would come up ever again. I never met the child and I don’t know what happened to him. It was a mistake in my life that I wished to forget. I didn’t bring it up because I figured the past was best left in the past.” You closed the distance between the two of you, taking Tommy’s free hand in yours.

“You don’t understand, (Y/N). I need to be able to trust the people around me. I need to know if there is something that can endanger them.” Tommy pulled his hand from your grasp, sliding it into his pocket.

“You can trust me, Tommy!” You cried desperately. “I promise that you can.” Your voice broke at this point and you blinked furiously to hold back the tears.

“I just feel like you betrayed my trust.” Tommy heaved a sigh before going to the dresser where an ashtray sat. He put out his cigarette before grabbing his dressing gown at the end of the bed, slipping it on. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Thomas informed you before he left. After he left, you leaned against the windowpane, no longer holding back the tears. Why did this matter so much to Tommy? You hadn’t even known who the father was. It had been a mistake in your life, one you had wanted to forget. And it wasn’t like Tommy was innocent either. He had his own secrets that he kept closely guarded. Secrets you didn’t know about.

You went back to bed and grabbed one of the cigarettes that had been left out, lighting it and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Smoking helped to calm you and your tears gradually dried. Tomorrow, everything would be better, you told yourself. You would talk to Thomas, make him see sense that he could still trust you. You would also point out that he had his own secrets so was it really fair?

With this in mind, you finished your cigarette and then nestled into the blankets, waiting for sleep to take you. When you finally drifted off, your dream was a nightmare. You were pregnant again and was giving birth when Tommy came in. “You whore!” He snapped as you cried out for him. “You fucking whore! You liar!” You pleaded with him but he just stared at you. “I can’t be around people I don’t trust,” Tommy stated than before he drew a gun and fired.

You woke with a start, drenched with sweat. You looked at the clock and saw that it was a little past 6 in the morning. Knowing that going back to sleep was impossible, you got up and showered before getting dressed for the day. You left the room then, making your way downstairs and to the kitchen. Nobody was there so you got yourself some biscuits and tea before taking your breakfast outside.

From the garden, you had a good view of the driveway so you planned that when you heard Tommy’s car start, you would go forward and talk to him. The sound never came. You waited and waited for nothing to happen. No car. No Tommy. At some point you fell asleep on the bench you were sitting on and when you woke, it was 9:00 according to your watch. Gathering up your dishes, you went back to the kitchen where the staff were now moving about, cleaning up from the party. “Mary,” You said, stopping the head housekeeper as she passed by you. “Have you seen Mr. Shelby?”

“He left early this morning for work. Left around 7 this morning.” Mary answered as she took your plate and teacup. Thanking her, you retreated back to your bedroom, sitting on your bed as you tried to figure out what to do next. Who could you talk to about this all? Ada had been friendly towards you the previous night. Perhaps she knew why Polly hated you. Collapsing back onto the bed, you stared up at the ceiling.

The real problem was Polly. She was the one who had first told Tommy about your child. She had always had it out for you, now that you thought about it. She had been the one that Tommy had been yelling at on the phone a few months ago. Tommy had told you that Polly was a hard one to win over but why would she go out of her way to cause chaos? Not having any of these answers, you decided there and then that you would go pay Polly a visit.

There was one issue, however. Where did she live? Getting you, you left the room and downstairs to Tommy’s study. Perhaps he had mail from Polly with her address on it? You began to search through Tommy’s desk, rifling through his papers as you looked for any sort of clue that might help you.

“What are you doing?” A voice asked and you jumped, papers scattering. You spun on your heel to see Tommy staring at you. His face was filled with rage, rage you had never seen before. His icy blue eyes stared into you with such force, you were sure you would have a hole in you. Tommy’s lips, the lips you loved so much were in a fierce scowl, a scowl that made your stomach drop.

“I-I-I was looking for something.” You said, quickly bending down and gathering up the papers that fallen, using this time to try and compose yourself.

“What were you looking for that required you to go into my drawers?” As you stood, Tommy stormed over to you, snatching the papers from your hands. “What were you fucking look for!?” He yelled then.

“I was trying to find where Polly lived!” Something inside of you had snapped, really truly snapped.

“Why!?”

“Because I need to know why she hates me, Tommy! Why she told you about the baby? What did she have to gain from telling you, huh? She’s a dangerous woman and I need to know why she hates me so much. Am I not good enough for you, is that what it is? And since you won’t stand up to her and ask what she has against me, I figured I would do it myself!” You had screamed this all at Tommy, throat raw by the time you finished. Tommy stood there, eyes boring straight into you before he turned, rubbing his face wearily with his hands.

“Fucking hell, (Y/N),” Tommy muttered to himself, shaking his head. “Polly doesn’t like anyone! Especially me!” He told you, turning back to look at you, hands at his side now. “And I have my own plan of how to deal with Pol, alright? You just need to let me handle this all.”

“No, Tommy, no. You always say you’re handling things and leave me in the dark. I’m done with that. I want to know what’s going on!” You demanded. “I know that our relationship is a bit...complicated but I assumed that when I came to live in this house with you, that it would be as a partner as well as a lover, someone you could work together with. Not someone who you would keep secrets from.”

“That’s just who I am! I keep everything to myself because the fewer people know, the less danger they will be put in because of me!” You stared at Tommy as he said these words and when he finished, you went to stand in front of him, taking his hand in yours.

“Tom, I can handle myself. I have my whole life so you don’t have to worry. I know that you will still worry but perhaps I can help you and this doesn’t have to be all of your burdens.” You pressed his hand to your lips, the anger now gone from your voice. “Only if you let me.” Tommy pulled you into a hug then and held you close for a few minutes without saying a word.

“Here’s what been happening,” Tommy whispered and began to explain. He told you how Polly was with women being with her nephews. She did not trust easily and would dig up any dirt that she could on the girl. Polly does it to protect us, Thomas explained, saying that it was her job to protect them all. He then explained about the business dealings with Changretta and how they had all received the black hand, a sign of death.

“Are you in danger?” You asked when Tommy told you about the hand. Tommy chuckled without humor.

“When am I not?” As he finished talking, he led you to the couch where the two of you sat in silence with you against Tommy’s chest, his arm wrapped around you.

“I am sorry that I kept the secret of the baby from you.” You said after a few quiet minutes.

“No, don’t apologize for that.” instantly replied Thomas. “It was your past and you had every right to do so.” He pressed a kiss to your head then as your eyes closed. You wished you could freeze time right this second for everything was just perfect. Things would hopefully all work out okay.