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most of the time yoongi would pride himself on being a fairly calm person. everyone knew this. he knew this. even during their most stressful days, they all knew he was the person to go to when they need someone to tell them that everything would be okay, that they would figure it out together, as a group. being the hyung, he had to have most of the answers, but they all knew that if they stared too long at his eyes, he would crumble and tell them that he didn’t know what they were doing either. but having spent so much time together, it was known that he liked to reserve his fears only to himself, and the rest of the members knew better than to push him to that point. with the years yoongi worked on turning namjoon into his personal confidant, having shared the same fears for so long, to eventually turning to jeongguk, looking for the comfort that only his warm embrace would give him. so that’s how they worked, everyone accepted his advice, got a reassuring pat on their knees, and they moved on.
it was simple, effective. and that’s how it worked. most of the time .
god he wished someone could just pat him on the back and tell him it was gonna be okay right now. he couldn’t stop pacing around his apartment, going in and out of the kitchen, looking out of his window as if he was gonna be able to see from the 34th floor exactly the moment jeongguk walked through his buildings door. sometimes he seriously overestimated his vision.
he knew jeongguk wasn’t gonna arrive yet, still 2 full hours to go, but his anxious heart and the tiny ( heavy? ) velvet box in his pocket wouldn’t let him rest.
yoongi huffed. what if he was rushing into this? what if, oh god , jeongguk broke up with him on the spot? panic cursed through his veins. fucking hell , yoongi thought. why did he even think this was a good idea? now he still had to cook dinner and even if he wanted to change his plans, it’s not like he could, because he had nothing else to replace his current gift for another. goddamit, fucking shit. he was, to put it quite simply, fucked.
he groaned. yoongi was sure jeongguk loved him, and they had spoken about this before, so maybe overthinking it wasn’t in his best interest at the moment. he raised his eyes a little to try and catch a glimpse of the han river. he couldn’t see much from his apartment, but the little he could always managed to calm him down.
(he still remembers the day he bought the apartment, a little over a year ago, he had asked jeongguk to apartment hunt with him, because even then he knew he wasn’t just getting a place to himself, but more for the both of them, whether he was being honest with himself at the time or not. and what made him decide getting it, was, not different from a lot of stuff he did lately, the way jeongguk’s eyes shined as he looked over at the giant glass window. “ yoongi-hyung, you can see the river! ” the younger boy smiled, and yoongi was sold.)
and little by little, jeongguk had taken over the entire place, not that yoongi minded, because the boy had a way to fill any space with his glow, intentionally or not. so while yoongi’s name was on the lease, it had always been property of jeongguk, much like his own heart didn’t belong to him anymore.
yoongi had told jeongguk, a few weeks before, that they were having dinner there for their second anniversary, considering, well, the fact that they couldn’t particularly go to dinner like any other couple, and the other tiny fact that neither of them were fond of being in social settings for a long period of time. yoongi wanted to enjoy their rare pre-comeback schedule-free time, being outside meant too many eyes, too many cameras and not enough touching and kissing like he wanted. so inside it is.
“what do you want to eat, jeongguk-ah?” yoongi had asked.
jeongguk considered it for a moment, pursing his lips, “i want italian pasta and steak”.
“okay, baby, anything you want”
jeongguk smiled big, all bunny teeth, eye wrinkles and faint dimples. somehow the use of the pet name still had that effect on him, nearly two years after yoongi had confessed his feelings, and yoongi’s heart still responded the same way, skipping a beat and growing a little more in size.
and how fitting it had been, that they became a couple a day before valentine’s day. jeongguk had joked, later that the only reason he kissed yoongi back was because he didn’t want to spend the next day alone. yoongi called his bluff, and jeongguk turned a pretty pink color. not much had changed since.
but today yoongi’s heart felt heavy, anxious. while planning the entire evening he had been so sure of everything, giving instructions to jeongguk to not buy him anything, when he was supposed to show up to the apartment, and telling him what it would’ve been like, and now his palms wouldn’t stop sweating.
he checked his time again. an hour and forty minutes. maybe he should just set on starting their dinner to relax.
so - yoongi made his way to the kitchen, and started working.
part of the reason why he had wanted to cook for their anniversary, it had been, too, because jeongguk loved the food he made. he would constantly ask yoongi to make him his favorite meals and if yoongi refused (with some lame excuse) he would pout and frown and refuse anything else coming from yoongi till he agreed. and jeongguk always won, because yoongi was weak.
his initial idea was that jeongguk would help him make dinner, because the younger loved asking him questions (under the false pretense that he would cook them the next dinner, but that never happened, and yoongi didn’t really mind) but with the way his heart was racing, he thought that having his boyfriend constantly watching him move, would make him even more franatic. and cooking relaxed him, and god, he really needed that.
he poured himself a glass of wine while his pasta boiled. and went off to set the table with his favorite cutlery and a nice vase his mom had bought them as a housewarming gift. now adorned by some pretty flowers he bought to give them to jeongguk when he arrived.
his pacing was suddenly interrupted by the sound of jiggling keys, setting the vase over the table, yoongi turned around and immediately felt all the blood leaving his face, because jeongguk was very happily standing with the open door.
“what are you doing here?” he hissed.
jeongguk laughed. “well don’t sound so happy to see me, hyung”.
yoongi didn’t even register that jeongguk was standing there, bouquet of pink roses and sunflowers in hand, so beautiful, grinning at yoongi’s puzzled expression. walking over to yoongi he placed the arrangement on his hands.
“i was bored at the dorms, and i missed you, i’m sorry” jeongguk says, pout on his lips, looking down at the flowers he brought. “i know i came early, hyung, but i just wanted to see you” he almost whispers the last sentence, like he’s suddenly second guessing coming home.
yoongi is weak. he is very, very weak. settling the flower arrangement in his hands on the table. “baby, hey” he dipped his head when jeongguk didn’t look up to meet his eyes, and pressed a soft kiss on the younger’s lips, feeling him smile at the action, arms immediately bringing yoongi closer. “it’s okay, you just took me by surprise, thank you for the flowers” he mumbled between his lips, “although i would argue that you’re much prettier than them” jeongguk hums in acknowledgment.
it’s a chaste kiss, more of a “welcome home” kiss than anything else, but considering - that they didn’t particularly get to be this open anywhere else - and that it’s been around one week since they truly got a moment alone - yoongi lets his lips linger all around jeongguk’s mouth, to the corners of his lips, to the place where jeongguk’s dimple hides in his cheek, to the beauty mark hiding under jeongguk’s bottom lip, giving particular attention to it, wanting nothing more than to be able to leave a mark there, pressing firmly, feeling jeongguk’s arms wrap around his neck, sighing a little when they parted to breathe. the younger always managed to take his breath away.
moments like this, when it was just the two of them, were always yoongi’s favorites, but as jeongguk pressed his body closer to yoongi, he panics, thinking, oh shit , the box in his pants pocket, and pushes the younger away with a little more force than necessary.
jeongguk whines, “wha-”
“happy anniversary, baby” yoongi interrupted him, nervous, hands holding his small waist. “you came way too early and i didn’t even get started with dinner”.
“happy anniversary, yoongi-hyung” jeongguk smiles, blush on his cheeks. “can’t believe you’ve tricked me into being with you for two entire years” he says, trying to press himself closer to yoongi. but the adrenaline is running high on yoongi’s veins, keeping him at an arm's length and he’s nervous, and jeongguk can’t be closer or else he’ll know . “i have two presents for you, hyung. one is in your studio already installed and everything” yoongi started to open his mouth to protest “no, it’s non refundable, so you can’t return it”.
jeongguk had been particularly interested in yoongi’s studio equipment one day, after yoongi had mentioned about how he had wanted to buy a new type of synthesizer that had just been released, mumbling about how he had to buy it when they were in america or else, it would take more than half of his money to get it shipped to korea. he should’ve known jeongguk was taking notes as he complained. but with the way the younger was looking at him, big eyes and so open and beautiful, yoongi didn’t have it in him to refuse his gift. jeongguk could’ve just showed up with a bow wrapped around his head that yoongi would still think it was the best gift he had ever gotten.
“fine” yoongi huffs. “what’s the second one?”
“you’ll have to wait for that one” jeongguk replies, a different kind of teasing glint in his brown eyes. “where’s my gift?” he asks.
yoongi feels his pulse quicken.
“i didn’t get you anything”.
“but hyung! ”
“you’ll get yours after dinner too, love” he tries and fails to sound nonchalant, voice a little high. “did you really think i wouldn’t get you anything?”
jeongguk moves yoongi’s hands from his waist to intertwine their fingers, and yoongi briefly thinks about how his sweaty hands will betray him. pouting a little jeongguk says “well i hope we didn’t get each other the same thing”.
“i’m sure it’s not the same thing, baby” he brings him closer to press one final kiss on jeongguk’s nose, which scrunches a bit in response. “it’s still early, you wanna watch a movie and start dinner later?”
“only if i get to pick the movie” says jeongguk, yoongi nods. “maybe we can rewatch the last avengers movie? please?” freeing one of his hand to poke yoongi on his ribs, making him flinch. “please?” poke “hyung, please ” another poke.
“fine, you giant nerd” yoongi replies, squirming away from jeongguk’s touch. “let’s go, then”.
yoongi tugs him by the hand to the living room where he catches a glimpse of jeongguk’s winning smile, and momentarily feels as if the box in his pocket is heavy enough to pin him to the floor. shit.
letting go of jeongguk’s hand he takes over the task of setting up the movie, feeling even more sweaty than before, he stops to take off his hoodie and hears jeongguk’s teasing whistle already settled on the couch as he does so. yoongi huffs. “yeah you have a hot boyfriend get over it” he replies.
“that i do” jeongguk giggles. making grabby hands at yoongi once the initial credits start rolling “c’mere, hyung”.
yoongi goes over and settles next to jeongguk, who immediately molds himself to yoongi’s body, his head on the crook of yoongi’s neck, long legs over yoongi’s lap, and one hand on top of yoongi’s breastbone. suddenly yoongi feels keenly aware of his rapid heartbeat, and wonders what his boyfriend thinks of it. jeongguk doesn’t say anything other than letting a happy little sigh as he settles practically on top of yoongi. despite their physical difference, yoongi always found the weight of jeongguk grounding, having him wrapped around yoongi like that was probably one of the seven wonders of the world, if you asked him.
the younger quickly pressed a wet kiss to yoongi’s neck. “yoongi-hyung, are you okay? are you getting sick?” he mumbles.
“yeah, baby, m’fine” yoongi replies, voice wavering a little. “why?”.
“you’re sweating. it’s february, hyung. and your heart is beating really fast” jeongguk raises his head to look at yoongi in the eyes. “maybe you’re coming down with something” his eyes go comically wide. “oh no, i probably have it too, now” he whines.
“jeongguk-ah, how am i gonna be sick when i don’t leave my house?” yoongi replies. “m’fine, love” he smiles, trying to reassure the younger. just this stupid box on my pocket that is gonna kill me , yoongi thinks.
jeongguk hummed disapprovingly, “what’s wrong, then?”
ah, fuck. yoongi didn’t know he was that bad of a liar.
“i’m good, baby, i promise”
“are you trying to break up with me or something? today? of all days? couldn’t you have done it yester-”
“love, no, why would i do that?” yoongi says cutting his rant, even though he knew it was jeongguk’s way to try and get the real answer off of yoongi. he briefly saw the disbelief flickering in jeongguk’s eyes. “maybe i am getting sick” he pulled jeongguk back into his arms. “you have to take care of me” he settled his chin on top of jeongguk’s head, pouting a bit. “the only sickness i can get comes from loving you too much, baby” he says, rubbing the younger’s back gently. “m’fine, i promise”.
jeongguk huffs a little, and circles yoongi’s waist with his arms again “okay, hyung”.
yoongi feels victorious, falling into a comfortable silence as the movie progressed, and they had to find the stones before the villain did, almost managed to forget what was making him so nervous to begin with. jeongguk gets quiet, only responding with some little sounds of ah, oh, and tsk tsk, to what was happening in the movie, even though they had seen it approximately ten times, jeongguk was completely immersed in the movie.
until -
the younger abruptly raised his head from yoongi’s shoulder, widened his eyes in slight panic, and sniffed the air, much like a bunny moves it’s nose.
“yoongi-hyung, there’s something burning”
and then -
“fuck” yoongi hissed. panic in his veins. “fuck, fuck, fuck” he quickly pushed jeongguk’s legs off of his lap, almost falling on his attempt to get up, effectively dropping jeongguk on his path “my pasta” he groaned as he moved towards the kitchen.
he managed to get to the pan, and very begrudgingly looked at it’s content.
the entire thing was black. and burnt . no water left on the pan. he forgot he was boiling pasta. who the fuck burns pasta . no, actually. who the fuck manages to burn boiling pasta.
groaning, yoongi turned off the stove, settling to let some water run on his already ruined pan. and behind him, jeongguk starts laughing.
“ah, hyung” he says, face red, and tears in his eyes. “you said you hadn’t started with dinner yet” he manages to say between ha ha has , jeongguk threw his head back, laughing so hard and holding his stomach, in an attempt to catch his breath.
yoongi narrows his eyes, glaring at jeongguk. “this is your fault”
“why is it my fault?” jeongguk replies, unable to stop his giggles.
“if you weren’t so distracting i wouldn’t have forgotten about my pasta” yoongi replies, pout on his lips turning his body entirely to face jeongguk. “therefore, it’s your fault we will starve”.
and when yoongi looks at jeongguk, he completely stopped laughing, looking a little frozen in his spot, staring at yoongi’s feet. face a little drained of it's usual pink tone.
“hyung, what is that?” he points. and yoongi looks down, and of course, of fucking course , the box fell out of his pocket. because stuff like that only happens to yoongi.
“uh..” yoongi quickly picks it up, and fucking piece of shit box . “it’s nothing, love” he replies, avoiding jeongguk’s eyes and turning around quickly. knocking the glass of wine he had left on the kitchen counter earlier. breaking the glass, and spilling the bright red wine on the counter, and the floor. jesus christ.
“yoongi-hyung..” jeongguk says softly and yoongi can just about hear, the strain in his voice.
adrenaline rushes to yoongi’s veins. he picks up a towel and starts cleaning the mess on the floor. he’s panicking, can practically hear his own heartbeat singing, a chorus of you fucked up , in the silence that took over their home.
jeongguk grabs another towel, and sets on cleaning the floor too, next to yoongi. he’s absolutely silent, and yoongi fears that he really fucked up. and maybe he did, and there's no turning back.
but then he looks at jeongguk, who stares back at yoongi with his big eyes, confused, a little glossy, and yoongi just, breaks.
“baby, hey” yoongi says, trembling hands finding jeongguk’s, and pulling him up. “baby..” he repeats, unsure of what to say. a stray tear leaves jeongguk’s eyes and he brings a hand to caress the boy’s cheekbone. “this is not how i wanted to do this” he starts, feeling his own eyes starting to get teary. “m’sorry, baby, i really wanted to do this right, and i fucked everything up, i wanted to cook you a nice dinner and make you feel loved and kiss you and hold you, but i burned the pasta and now we don’t have anything to eat and oh my god i really don’t have anything else to cook for us here except ram-”
“hyung...” jeongguk giggles at his rambling.
“jeongguk, my baby” yoongi exhaled. “i knew, from the very first kiss we had, that i was gone. my heart belonged to you since that very first date, and i knew that nothing or no one could ever possibly make me want to leave your side ever again, e-except if that’s what you wanted of course” he chuckles, and jeongguk gives him a playful shove, another tear escaping his eyes. “i know i’m not the easiest person to be with, that i sometimes get a little too much in my head with work or my music or my emotions and that it’s hard to get me back, but that was never difficult to you, baby, you know me better than anyone” yoongi brings one of jeongguk’s hands and places it on his breastbone. “it might be beating inside me, but jeongguk-ah, it doesn’t belong to me anymore”. he didn’t notice he had started crying too, until jeongguk also reached over to wipe his tears away.
and jeongguk waits, till yoongi gathers all his thoughts, mouth a little open and tears running down his cheeks. yoongi feels so lucky.
“i know with the way that our lives are, and where we live, and who we are, i can’t exactly promise you something like marriage, jeongguk-ah, and m’sorry for that baby, you deserve all of that and so much more, you deserve to be bragged about and loved out loud and not like this, and i wish i could give you that, and i don’t really know if i can ever offer you that, and i need you to know i’m sorry” yoongi trembles a little, reaching inside his pocket to retrieve that damn velvet box, opening and looking at how jeongguk follows his movements, with his pretty eyes, big and expecting, and when he peeks at what’s inside, perfectly snuggled, two silver rings. jeongguk gasps a little. “but i can promise you all my life, because that’s all i have, jeongguk-ah, and it’s all yours, if you’ll have me, forever” he finishes, sniffling a little.
jeongguk blooms, smiling so big that his eyes become two crescent moons, tears running freely and wetting yoongi’s hand.
“hyung, god , yes, yes” jeongguk replies, reaching over to lightly touch the silver bands, before turning his attention to yoongi again, “yes, yoongi-hyung, i want that, i want you, i want all of it, i don’t need anything else, all the things you said, i don’t need them yoongi-hyung. i just want you. just you” he repeats, again and again, before closing the box, and effectively throwing it on the wine-stained counter, before wrapping his arms around yoongi, burying his head on his shoulder.
“i love you, baby, i love you so much, happy anniversary, love” yoongi replies, and the flowers in his chest are blossoming and they're making their way to all of yoongi’s body, reaching and flourishing. he can feel his heart, open and bleeding as he wraps his arms around jeongguk, brings him closer. “i wish i had planned this better, but you really took me by surprise there”
jeongguk lifts his head from his hiding spot. “is this why you were acting so weird earlier?” he sniffs, face red and eyes swollen, hiding so much love behind wet eyelashes. yoongi’s heart has never felt so full.
“yeah, uh, sorry about that” yoongi mumbles.
“it’s okay, i love you” it’s the last thing he says, before crashing his lips to yoongi’s, craddling his head with his hands, a little desperate, but jeongguk’s lips are still soft soft soft, moving with so much love and molding himself to yoongi, trying to say all the words stuck in his throat, that he forgot to say, trying to say thank you for this, thank you for loving me the way that you do, but yoongi catches all jeongguk’s words, swallows them down and keeps them in his heart, for the moments he needs them, and at that moment he feels he could very much melt in that spot. yoongi holds him closer by the waist, a little rough, pressing their bodies together, refusing to let go.
but much to their disdain, they’re only humans, and they separated for air, both of them breathing heavy, lips never quite leaving each other, just a gentle touch of i’m not going anywhere. and it’s all yoongi’s ever wanted.
“we have no dinner” yoongi mumbles against jeongguk’s lips.
“we’ll order something, i told you i didn’t mind” jeongguk replies. “i don’t want you to go and cook now either, i just wanna cuddle” he finishes, corners of his lips betraying the smile he's trying to hide.
yoongi huffs, moving up so he can place one kiss on jeongguk’s nose.
“okay, baby, anything you want” he repeats. smiling.
and yoongi orders pizza, and they spend the rest of the movie wrapped around each other. limbs on top of limbs, and feeling a new (and welcomed) type of giddiness now that they hold hands, and their matching silver bands rub against each other, both of them giggling, pausing their movie every now and then to just kiss, a little shy, a little overwhelmed, but with so much love.
(yoongi did end up receiving a second gift, much to his delight. jeongguk giggled and after a quick visit to the bathroom, came out with a pretty ribbon wrapped around his head, saying i’m the gift, hyung, and they both laughed).
and later on - when they’re finally under the covers and yoongi feels an entire fire starting anywhere his skin touches jeongguk, and they get to touch and kiss and love , love, till exhaustion, he thinks, he really wouldn’t wish for anything to be different. he gave his gift to it's rightful owner. everything was okay.