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He looked ahead of himself, into the mirror that hung on the wall, the sink below it. He stared into his sapphire eyes before his vision unwantedly fixed upon a strip of metal above his right eyebrow. He glared at it and casted his view away from it, only for him to see the right side of his body that made him a monster.
He grimaced at the reflection and turned around. He folded his arms and his nails started to dig into them. A slight tingling pain was present in one of his arms, but the other had no feeling, no tactility, no sensation. No piercing letters that formed stinging words existed there. Only an emotionless and meaningless song filled the solitary void on the bad side.
No matter how hard he tried to hide himself, fate always led him back to staring into the mirror, into the eyes of someone he wished wasn’t him. He looked back into the reflective object and continued to scowl. His human palm shakily pressed against the glass before it tightened up and clenched. His head tilted downwards, he squeezed his eyes shut then took a deep breath. He once again stared into his deep blue pools, then to his third eyebrow.
The sound of his crashing heartbeats were replaced by a more powerful cacophony of decrepitation. A furious blaze suddenly ignited and his entire body started shaking. He bit his lip as hard as he could, to try suppress painful sounds that were aching to escape his mouth. His hands grasped something in the room. Anything that was sturdy enough to support him.
He tried to focus on his breathing, inhaling through his nose, and exhaling through his mouth. The gasps came out quick at first, like he was running in a race, or better yet, trying to escape from a conflagration. His huffs began to slow as he tried to focus on something else. Something other than the way the fervor tried to take a hold of him.
It’s not real. It’s not there. It’s not here. It’s not present.
The flames in his eyes glowed brighter, then flickered and died. He removed his hands off of whatever he was grasping onto and slammed them over his ears, the sibilating still existing. However, the thumping in his chest thankfully started to overlap it. He continued to steady his breathing.
His saw his own figure in the mirror again and lours at it before taking his palms off of his ears. He balled both of them into fists and fired his right one at the mirror. A piercing shatter erupted and tiny fragments of the glass fell onto the sink and floor with light clinking. Cracks scattered in a jagged pattern, creasing the reflective surface that an iron fist pressed against. He let out a shaky breath and slowly traced the lines with his finger and eyes. He removed his hand off of the mirror.
His chest laggardly rose and fell. He felt a dampness on his cheeks but ignored it. He found himself staring into the cobalt eyes of a broken man.
He was glad that a crow was a heavy sleeper.
-/-
James Ironwood brought his arm up and his hand gripped a silver handle as he pulled a pale cabinet door open. He reached into it and took out two mugs, red and blue. They got placed on the bench next to a currently on coffee machine.
He took out a small container and swiftly unscrewed the white lid. Rattle sounds came from the cylinder object as he turned it upside down into his hands. He shook it gently and two oblong pills exited the entrance. He put the box onto the counter and then poured a clear liquid into a glass. He plopped the medication into his mouth before proceeding to chug all of the water. The remaining item in his grip got set down on the flat and solid surface.
He glanced up at the ceiling before pinning his back to the cupboard and bending his knees. He slid his body down the wall while his palms simultaneously veiled his face. His fingertips forcefully rubbed against his forehead. His face scrunched up and he gritted his teeth. A choked sob escaped his mouth as the area above his eyebrows creased. A wetness painted his hands. His shoulders shook. Whenever he felt a runny substance become desperate to run out of his nose, he harshly sniffed.
His head sank down lower and he tried to exchange his hyperventilation for slow and steady breaths, but to no avail. Instead they got replaced by shaky breaths. He sniffed again and then used the back of his hands to wipe the cold moistness off of his cheeks, nose and chin.
The awakening waft of coffee fused with the air, though James chose to ignore it. His arms wrapped around the lower part of his legs and he rested the bottom of his face on his kneecaps. His cerulean eyes stared past whatever was in front of him. I was doing so well. Why did they have to return again?
The sound of a muffled yawn broke his concentration and made him rise to his feet in an instant. He returned to the coffee pot and breathed before picking it up by its handle. He poured an almost overflowing amount of the hot beverage into each of the two mugs. He heard slow thumps become increasingly louder as the clock on the wall ticked. His head turned in the direction of the noise and he sighed in relief, as the source belonged to a man with cherry red eyes who sported messy, dark chocolate hair.
“Morning, Jim-Jam.” Qrow Branwen greeted as he walked up to him. He brought his arms around James’ shoulders and stood on the balls of his feet. The taller man looked at his hands before placing them on Qrow’s waist. He leaned down a little bit and pressed his lips to his.
“Good morning, Qrow.”
Good? Sure. His hand carded through his spiky hair and then let go of his body. He picked up the red cup and held it out in his direction, Qrow grasping it and bringing it up to his open mouth. As soon as the liquid made contact with his tongue, he hissed and put it back on the table.
“Be careful..” James told him while he laughed. Qrow’s eyes looked up and then at him.
“Hey Jimmy?” James raised two eyebrows. “Why’d you wake up so early?”
The previously mentioned person looked at the tiles beneath himself for a few seconds. He absentmindedly started to fidget with his fingers while trying to give off a believable smile. He shrugged, his gaze fixed on his mug.
Qrow frowned and held his hands. “You okay?”
His hands tensed up. He quickly nodded his head, though more times than necessary. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing could escape it. He turned around and looked at a specific stark white door and one of his fingers pointed to it. “If you need anything then tell me.” He tried to smile. “I..” He pauses for a bit. “Have to mark some papers.”
Qrow squeezed his hands and moved his head up and down. He planted a kiss onto his cheek and then James picked his blue mug up, taking a long sip of it.
One by one, his feet began to move towards the wooden door he had signified. His hand enveloped the cool handle as his wrist twisted. He entered the room and slammed the door closed. He gently tapped the wall for a bump he knew was there. Once he found it, he put more pressure on it, a ‘click’ sound emitting. A soft glow that overpowered the darkness illuminated the area that surrounded the source on the ceiling. It lit up the many books that rested on dust covered shelves. It irradiated the top of his milky desk and made it slightly shine. It beaconed a large rectangular object that was on the sky blue wall. The canvas was a mixture of monochrome colours that were painted in rough, sharp lines. You wouldn’t have been able to feel anything in that picture, it was like a solid rock. A smaller image hanging underneath was one made up of the deep blue colours of neptune. Voices were pulled to the bottom of the opus. One colour ended and one began.
James took another long breath before walking over to his desk and placing his beverage atop of it. He slumped down on a chair that was in front of the table. His hands slid a messy pile of papers in front of himself and grabbed a pen from a container with his right hand. A tiny ‘clink’ sounded. He glared at where the noise came from.
James wasn’t lying when he said he had things to correct. He honestly had piles upon piles of documents to write on or sign. Holding two seats on the council called for busy days and nights. Being a headmaster of one of four of the most prestigious academies in the world allowed very little spare time. Having the title of General of a military on top of all of that certainly didn’t help. But no. that wasn’t the issue at that point in time. What would have happened if Qrow had found out what’s been happening? What happens if he sees him cry? What if he sees him as weak? As the opposite of everyone’s expectations? He’d leave, right?
He heard a smush. A loud crack. He looked down at his shiny hand and it tightly encased the dark pen now split in half. He flexed it while it shook violently. He bent his elbow and threw the fragments at any wall. He could clean it up later. He viewed the small puddles of black ink that laid in the crevices of the metal. He pulled a tissue out of the box. It made it slightly lift up in response. He wiped his palm, the liquid soaking and staining the thin sheet.
He perched his elbows on the cold desk and nested his face into his hands.
-/-
Qrow’s pale arm quickly reached out to a small silver handle, where his hand curled around it. He pushed it forward while turning it in a clockwise motion. When the wood met its other half, a click sound projected and he locked the door. He turned around and faced a tall man, his red eyes emitting a fiery smirk. He walked up to the taller man and trailed his fingers upwards, starting at his torso. He loosely placed his arms on the man’s shoulders and his feet rose, while leaning closer to his face. He stared into his deep blue oceans and his own eyes slowly closed as his lips met with the other man’s.
James’ hands stayed put beside him. Seconds later he tried to inhale as softly as he could. His hands then wrapped around Qrow’s thin waist and Qrow melted into the conflicting temperatures of his desert, yet arctic touch.
He pulled out of the kiss and his hands moved from his shoulders to his collarbone. He slowly, but powerfully pushed him in a downwards motion. James’ knees bended and his lower body sunk into the white mattress below him. What now, what now?
Qrow’s lips curled upwards and he climbed onto James’ lap, his legs around him. He brought his hand up to his forehead and his fingered brush his spiky black hair back.
The taller man looked at his hands on Qrow and then into his eyes. He kissed him again but pulled away as his mouth became the opposite of Qrow’s. The shorter man raised an eyebrow at him and he took a deep breath.
He slid his hands to Qrow’s armpits and gently lifted him off of his lap. He turned him around and carefully placed one of his arms under his knees and the other under his back. He stood up and put him onto the bed. Am I doing this right?
He then got onto the mattress as well and crawled over to Qrow. He placed his hands on the pillow, on either side of his head. He hovered over him and soon brought his lips to Qrow’s. Qrow grabbed a hold of the front of James’ turtleneck shirt and pulled it and him closer.
Qrow broke the kiss and their foreheads became pressed together. He laughed through a grin. “I guessed you were a top.”
James raised both of his eyebrows and then quickly put them down. A loud thumping became audible. Qrow’s hands traveled down his body, towards the bottom of his shirt. He took a deep breath as Qrow traced the edge of it before grasping it.
The pounding in James’ ears increased in volume. He felt his chest rise up and down and his entire body tensed up. His eyes opened wide and his pupils grew smaller. They locked onto the two things that held onto his clothes. His eyebrows furrowed. His heartbeats surround the whole atmosphere around him and they grew louder than a raging fire’s crackles.
“U-uh.. Qrow..”
Qrow loosened his grip on the dark material and raised an eyebrow at him. “Too soon?”
“I..” He looked away from him. He inhaled and exhaled before gently grabbing the things that were holding his shirt. He moved them off of him and placed them beside their owner. “Before we do this, I need you to know something.”
“Hmmm?”
An audible gulp is made out.
What if he goes? What if he runs? He’s going to up and leave. He’s gonna hate me. He won’t accept me. He wouldn’t stay, he’d never. He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again. He carefully moved off of Qrow, sinking into the mattress.
“As well as my right arm and that side of my torso..” He grimaced, “My corresponding leg is metal too and my..” He felt tears well up. He hung his head low.
He heard a tiny chuckle from the person beside him. “Jimmy, you’re acting like I don’t already know this.” James immediately looked at Qrow, his mouth wide open. He was about to say something but he cut him off. “Let’s just say I got Glynda drunk and she told me.” Qrow smirked.
How was he saying all of this like it was nothing? The well in James’ eyes filled up with too much liquid and spilled down his face. Now wasn’t the time for crying. “D-doesn’t it bother you?”
Qrow sat up and gently stroked his cheek, wiping away the water as he did so. “I’m a crow.” He picked up his right hand and grasped it. “I love shiny things.” He lifted it closer to his mouth and gently kissed the back of it.
“But--” Qrow placed his index finger onto the softness of his lips, making him shut up. Soon, he bent down and replaced his hand for his own lips. He pulled away but kept his face close.
“There are no ‘but’s.”
James took a deep breath and smiled at him, whispering him a ‘thank you’. Qrow nodded and then glided his fingers through his hair.
“You okay to go on?”
Why did Qrow still want to? James was a wicked thing that he thought no one could love. But here, it was evident somebody did.
He hesitated for a second before nodding. Qrow simpered at him and claimed the top position. “Now let’s see if you really live up to your name, Ironwood.”
-/-
James stood there, not knowing what to do, as a woman with blonde hair and caribbean green eyes were fixed on him -- his body -- and didn’t seem to stop staring. She was judging him, he knew.
“Glynda?” He said as his voice cracked. Glynda folded her arms. He clenched his fists. He wanted to leave. He wanted to disappear. He’d fall into a deep pit where no one would ever hear him land.
“What, James.” her voice was stern and cold, although on the brink of breaking. He looked down at the floor and his eyes followed the patterns of the wood. Then he glanced back at her.
“I’m sorr--”
“--No!” She hugged herself tighter. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, you didn’t do anything.” But he did. He got hurt. He made her worry, cry. His legs started to shake as if they were about to be turned into jelly.
“I’m sorry about this too.” He brought his hand up to his arm and flicked it hard, the contact creating a disturbing ‘clink’.
"I'll.." A tear silently slid down her face. "Get used to it.."
-/-
He could almost feel Yale’s eyes locked onto a single strip of light gray metal that was held just above his right eyebrow. Her eyelids opened wide and her pupils seemed to be much more contracted than from what he’s seen of her. She grimaced and he had that same expression on. She quickly looked all around herself before sprinting off, far out of his sight.
James knew this was going to happen. It always did. But that didn’t stop it from hurting.
-/-
James’ aggravating thoughts got interrupted by the sound of Qrow yelling his name from a room somewhere outside the study. He pushed his chair out, stood up and bolted out of the room. He ran towards the noise and came face to face with the dreaded mirror that he had forgotten to clean up. The shards and fragments were still in the same untouched places and they glimmered as they reflected off of the bright light above them.
Qrow was staring at it before he turned to James. Then he stared at the glass and then back to him.
The words monster monster monster kept echoing in James’ head. Like a chant that protesters repeated. A spinning disc that was put on loop, repeat.
“I-I can explain.” He stuttered. Qrow walked up to him. He expected a punch in the face as he did to that mirror. Instead, he slowly opened his arms out and wrapped them around him. He flinched as a slight reaction to the sudden touch.
He tightly grasped the sides of Qrow’s shirt and the thundering heartbeats arrived again. “I was back there. Alone. And the.. The fire, it..” That’s as far into his sentence he could get before a waterfall ran down his face.
Qrow started to rub his back. “It’s not there. It’s not here.” He gently kissed his forehead. “You’re not alone. You’re safe in my arms.”
A large amount of dampness accidentally smeared the front of Qrow’s top, but he wasn’t phased by it. “Why do you accept me.. How..?”
Qrow frowned. “It’s not about ‘acceptance’ or whatever, James.” He then smiled again. “Look, I love you, and not even tin cans can get in the way of that.” James looked at him in surprise before leaning down and gently kissing him, tears still streaming. Qrow grabbed his metal hand and lead him over to their room upstairs. He lightly pushed James onto the bed and soon he got on it too, pulling the warm blanket over them. He squirmed closer to him and despite being shorter, wrapped him in an embrace.
“I think you need sleep, Jim.”
Before he could protest, a deep husky voice softly filled James’ ears. A soothing sound that for some reason made him feel better. A rush of euphoria flowed within him and he wondered what he did to deserve Qrow.
That person began to sing.
“I will cling.”
“I will clutch.”
“I’ll hold onto you, I won’t turn away.”
“I won’t leave.”
“I won’t go.”
“I will stay with you, all our days.”
James closed his sapphire eyes and slightly gave off a smile. He drifted off into peace, into for once, a nightmare-less sleep.