Chapter Text
“You’re with me, right?”
Always.
She lied through her teeth that night. After she left game night Lena wandered to her office, not wanting to go home. She wanted to stay in her ignorance, but the pain of reality had gotten its hooks in her pretty deep. She waded through memory after memory of Kara and slowly realized that it had been so obvious. She felt sick.
It wasn’t just Kara, it was their entire family unit. The people she had grown to trust, to love. She formed her home around these people without knowing there was no foundation. Part of her wished that she had just moved back to metropolis after everything that happened with Reign. And the other part wished she never allowed herself to fall in love with Kara Danvers. It was a cruel love, one that could never be returned, a hopeless love.
With every sip of her drink, the cynicism sprouted like weeds and flourished in the cracks of her heart. Where the weeds didn’t grow, her love froze, it grew heavier as time went on until Lena was sure that the weight would be too much for her to carry. Her knees wanted to buckle but her anger had found its strength in her bones and in her blood. The only thing that kept her moving was the cruelty of her own failure.
Her eyes began to glaze over as she stared out into the nightlife of National City, as she wondered if any of it was real.
***
It had been weeks since game night and Kara started to question why Lena had kept her distance. She started to make excuses to miss lunch dates, game nights, and really any interaction with Kara. She couldn’t cope.
She spent her days in grief, she wanted to process the lies, wanted to be okay with it but when she thought of Kara all she saw was red.
She reached for her glass only to find it empty and found the same when she reached for the bottle. Her eyes fluttered with the familiar feeling of frustration. When she went to throw the bottle out, the frame at the bottom of an otherwise empty trashcan glared back at her. The fractured glass spread across the picture that used to fill her with hope. Now, all that picture brought was fresh waves of the betrayal.
“How symbolic,” she whispered as she glanced over the shattered frame.
“What’s symbolic?”
Her blood simmered, the muscles in her body tried to hide the anger that had called her body home. She tried to regain some semblance of control before she turned to face who she thought was Supergirl, as it was normally her who checked up on Lena during late nights at the office. Not Kara Danvers.
“Oh nothing,” Lena responded but she couldn’t keep the ice out of her voice. Her composure had started to falter. Kara seemed to catch onto the icy response because she drew in closer to Lena.
“Are you alright? I know you’ve been through a lot lately, so I just came by to see if you needed anything. And I understand if you need space cause you’re trying to grieve, but you’ve been really distant lately.”
Kara placed her hand on Lena’s shoulder, “I want you to know that I’m here for you. You aren’t alone, remember?”
Her heart sank when she remembered that night on her office couch where Kara had promised her that she was there for her. Always. That word was the backbone of their relationship. The night Lena had accepted that maybe she could love and be loved.
***
[Earlier]
“Alex, I should have told her that night.” Kara sat with her hand on her face as she tried to explain to Alex why she needed to tell Lena and she had to do it tonight.
“Kara, she’s still rattled from her brother’s death. I’m telling you that maybe, you should wait a little longer.” she tried to reason with Kara, but she was determined that she had to do it.
“I have to tell her now, even if its already too late. Even if she hates me.”
***
“I remember,” Lena answered softly, but there was pain in her voice.
Kara knew that voice, the hitch at the end of her sentence, glazed over eyes, and the ice on her tongue that made the tension that strained the room.
They moved to the couch and the silence between them for a moment felt comfortable. Normal, but Kara sensed the way the room shifted when she came in. She saw how Lena was transfixed on the bottle in her hand, how shattered her office felt.
“Lena, I need to tel-”
“Kara, I think you sho-”
Lena’s eyebrow twitched up at the other woman’s words. She gestured for her to go first. Kara nodded in response and tried to ignore the sudden uptake in Lena’s heartbeat.
“There were so many times before this, where I wanted to tell you. Where I should have told you.” she felt her voice break her confidence leave her. She couldn't walk it back, Lena deserved to know.
“You have done nothing to make me think you aren’t trustworthy. Lena, I trust you with my life.” With my heart. Kara thought.
“You’ve proven the world wrong a thousand times over, and still I withheld the truth. I never meant for it to go on this long,”
Kara steadied herself with a breath and reminded herself of the promise she made.
I have to tell her, even if she hates me.
“My name is Kara Zor-el.”
Her eyes met Lena’s, in a hope that she would see the remorse in her eyes. Remorse not because she didn’t want to tell her, but because she had chosen to be selfish instead of giving Lena the truth. Because she failed to keep Lex alive long enough to face justice. Because she knew that whatever came after this for them was her own fault.
“I am Supergirl,”
***
“I am Supergirl,”
The weight of those words settled in the room and instead of pushing her over the ledge, Lena managed to seal that box off long enough to form a response.
“Miss Danvers, I think its time that you leave.” she raised from the couch and gestured to the door. Kara tried to further their conversation, but she silenced it with her other hand.
“Please do not visit me without an appointment again or for personal reasons. You know the way out.”