Work Text:
Ochako woke up from a nap her eyes immediately darted from the ceiling to the empty wall across her bed. Her heart was racing; it was pumping with an intensity that felt like it would burst out of her chest. She took a deep breath, held it in as long as she could, and slowly exhaled it trying to stabilize her rigid breathing. She shut her eyes to hold back the tears that found their way on her eyes – she had no idea what she was sad about, why she had to cry.
Fuck, she sobbed, releasing the tears that she tried to hold back just a moment ago. Ochako clutched the fabric right above her chest to soothe the pain that washed over her entirety the moment that the first teardrop escaped her shut eyes. She wanted to muffle her voice thinking on how the neighbor might think that something was wrong with her, well, something was really wrong with her. Everything.
She kicked her blanket aside causing it to fall from the bed into the wooden floor, swung her legs at the edge of the bed planting her feet on the ground, and afterwards standing up as hastily as she could. She ran to the bathroom, opened the medicine box, and rummaged the inside of the box – looking for her medicines, for something that would help her stop the rapid pounding in her chest. Please stop, she screamed inside her head as she fell onto the ground, hands holding onto the sink.
"Just stop," she begged to herself as her sobs turned into wails.
Ochako managed to lean herself against the wall, pulling her knees against her chest on the process. She kept on wiping the tears that kept on finding their way out of her eyes using the back of her hands; she kept at it until it actually hurt her. She shut her eyes, took slow deep breathes, battled those pervasive thoughts that entered her mind.
"You're so fragile," she laughed at herself through the tears. "You're so weak," she buried her head between her knees and her chest. "I hate you," she covered her head with her arms.
For ten minutes, she kept herself in that position, repeating the ritual that had helped her through the years. "It's okay. It's okay," she chanted, a mantra to make herself believe that she was really okay. And it probably worked because as soon as she had hit the 50th time of chanting her breathing stabilized and her heart started to beat normally again.
But Ochako still stayed on that position, on that cold hard floor, dreading that if she suddenly got up then she might have an attack again. She reached for her pants' pocket, took her phone out, and opened her messaging app.
***
To: DEKU
Deku, can u pls come 2 my place?
I might be having an ep
I dont have meds
Pls
***
She sent four messages, two minutes of interval for each. However, time passed and Deku have not yet responded; she could feel her heart starting to race again. Shit, here we go again, she laughed when she got to use the meme circulating on Facebook; trying to distract herself from the impending wave of emotions that would wash over her. Her eyes snapped back to the screen of her phone when it suddenly lit up only to be disappointed when it was only a notification from Twitter and not a reply from Deku.
Ochako was about to put her phone back in her pocket when the lock screen lit up. The lock screen she never changed for almost eight years now, the same lock screen she had over two phone changes. She stared at it – at the two people smiling for the camera.
The guy with spiky blonde hair and slanted-red eyes had his arms draped over Ochako's shoulders, and the both of them were smiling – Ochako smiling widely at the camera while the guy was smiling at her fondly.
"Kacchan," she whispered his name, letting the two syllables roll out of her tongue like dark chocolate – sweet yet bitter. She scrolled through her contacts, trying to find his name from the list. And after a few swipes up, she found him – Katsuki Bakugo – and his name seemed to be glaring at him the way he did the last time he ever talked to her.
"Kacchan!" Ochako smiled as she waved enthusiastically at the boy across the street. When the pedestrian light turned green, she ran as fast as she could to get to where he was.
Katsuki was his group of friends Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero, and Todoroki if she remembered them correctly. They were all boys from section A; she was in section B.
She clasped his hand and smiled widely at him, greeting the boys who were with her boyfriend, which in turn greeted her back. "Where are you going?" she chirped as she interlaced her fingers with his.
"Arcade," he answered curtly as he pried her hands off him, stepping away from her as soon as his hand was free of hers. "I'll text you later," he did not even glance at her before he turned his back at her and led his group of friends to the arcade.
"Sorry, the teacher got mad at him earlier for texting in class," the guy named Todoroki smiled apologetically at her before he ran after his friends.
When Ochako could no longer see their backs because of the swarm of people on the sidewalk, she stared at her hand and thought back on how Katsuki did not even give her a squeeze which he always did before. He's just probably pissed; she thought to herself as she turned to the direction of their home.
Later that night, Ochako kept on glancing at her phone, waiting for her boyfriend's promised text. It was already eight in the evening; normally, Katsuki would be texting her at seven that he was already at home after hanging out with the boys. But that night, he did not send her anything.
Ochako texted him asking him where he was, an hour passed and still no reply. At ten, she sent him another text telling him to call her if he read her message, but she woke up the next morning with no missed calls nor a text from him.
She tried calling him, but he was not answering; it just kept on redirecting her to voicemail. She started to panic, what if he got into an accident? And other thoughts unimaginable came into her mind, causing her heart to thump rapidly, loudly.
"Mom! I'm going out!" Before her mother was able to answer her, she was already out of the house, still on her pajamas, riding her bicycle towards Katsuki's house.
When she arrived, it was his Mom who greeted her warmly, worried about how she rode through town while she was dressed in light clothes. Ochako smiled politely, grateful for the concern, but at that moment she could only think of Katsuki.
"Ma'am, may I ask if Kacchan is here?"
"Katsuki?" His mom led her inside. "He's in his room. Did that boy do anything to you, dear?" She was ready to murder her son.
"No, no." She smiled awkwardly as she tried to push the strand of her fringe back. "I was just worried because he did not message me last night," she admitted as she followed Mitsuki up the stairs and in front of her son's room.
Mitsuki pounded on her son's door not stopping until he yanked it open, his red eyes redder after waking up.
"What the hell d'ya want?" He snarled at her, not noticing Ochako behind his Mom.
She flicked her son's forehead to totally wake him up before she left them both to talk whatever they needed to talk about. "Stop worrying your girlfriend, Katsuki. Ocha, sweetie, I'll bring you tea."
"Why are you here?" He growled at her when his mom was already out of their earshot. "What the fuck do you want so early?" He stepped outside his room, which made Ochako felt that he did not want her inside.
His irritated tone made Ochako flinched, and his annoyed stare made her felt much smaller than usual. "You said you would message me last night," she said in a small voice while she fiddled with the hem of her shirt.
"So?" He hissed. "I did not text one fucking night, and you stormed into my house?" His eyebrows were knitted together; his glare could kill.
"I was worried," her voice cracked, tears started to well up in her eyes.
"Oh, fuck, and now you're crying?" He grabbed the door's knob and slammed his door closed, leaving both of them out from his room. "How fragile can you fucking get? I never thought you'd be like this." He spat each word like a dagger aimed at her.
"… fragile…" Ochako remembered how she was left behind by her parents under the care of her grandparents, how she grew up without the love of her parents, how she grew up unable to buy the necessities in life… how fragile she was.
Ochako laughed sarcastically, wiped the tears that she bravely held in, and stared at Katsuki's furious eyes. "Yeah, sorry for worrying," she smiled the first ever smile that did not reach her eyes. "Sorry for being fragile, for being hungry for the love I thought you'd give me."
She took a step back and gave him a once over. "Right, we're still young. Why the fuck am I being all sappy and fragile for, right?"
The memories of their childhood flashed before her very eyes: the day they broke up, how he never ran after her, his next girlfriend, how he dated different girls, how she was continuously ignored whenever they ran to each other, how she never got the chance to tell him of her monsters. He would never care; she slapped herself for thinking back and being sad about it.
However, as her second attack crept all over her being she debated on whether to text him or not. Just one text would be okay, knowing that someone knew that she was not okay would be a big help.
Ochako thought of Deku again, should she just send him a text again? Then she remembered that she talked to the guy yesterday and he told her that he would be out of town to do fieldwork.
***
To: Katsuki Bakugo
hey
it’s Ochako
r u up?
do u have time to talk
I just really need someone to talk rn
pls
Katsuki
Kacchan…
i need u
sorry nvm gnight
***
When she did not receive any reply from him, she threw her phone across and smiled to herself bitterly. She tried to push herself up from the cold-tiled floor almost falling during the process. Ochako stared at herself on the mirror.
You’re pitiful, she mouthed before she went out of the bathroom.
She took her cardigan from the back of her only couch; scanned the messy room she lived in. Her bed was unkempt, comforter on the floor, books and broken picture frames thrown all over the room, her dresser opened and clothes were either on the edge of the drawers or on the floor.
Ochako’s eyes landed on the painting leaning against her bed, she walked towards it, and picked it up to stare at her work. It was an action painting in red and black paints which were left to dry unfinished.
She never finished it. She could never and would never be able to finish it anymore.
She threw it on the floor.
Ochako left her room and placed the keys under the same pot of plant she used as its hiding place. When she was already at the gate, the landlady of the apartment called out to her.
“Where are you going, Ochako?” the old lady’s voice trembled under the cold night.
“I’m going to a journey,” Ochako smiled widely at her, waving her hands as she locked the gate and walked into the night.
***
From: Izuku
Kacchan!
Did Ocha contact you?
Is she with you?
***
Katsuki stared at the text he received from Deku. He gently took hold of the arm of his girlfriend and moved it away from his body, positioning it on top of his pillow. He got up from the bed and grabbed his pants from the floor. He started typing.
***
To: Izuku
She texted me two nights ago.
Why?
***
Katsuki poured himself a glass of water and gulped it down in one go. He went for a second glass and almost choked as Deku’s messages came one after the other.
***
From: Izuku
I can’t find her.
She’s not at her place.
The landlady told me she left late ngiht the other day
She hasn’t come back yet.
***
He did not know what happened but it was his first time that he replied to Izuku in a flash.
***
To: Izuku
She just probs at her other friends place
what the fuck u worrying as if shes dead or sumthng
***
From: Izuku
Cus that’s not far fetched
Fuck
I shouldn’t have went to the field
Fuck
Fuck
Kacchan what if
***
Katsuki dialed Deku’s number because he was annoyed with all the pings from the texts he received from the guy. And he was seriously starting to get anxious about the thing with Ochako.
“Kacchan!” Deku shouted through his mouthpiece followed by a sob. “I contacted everyone I know and they told me they did not see Ocha. What the fuck, Kacchan. What if…”
“Stop being stupid, she ain’t like that.” Katsuki angrily reprimanded Deku for thinking that Ochako might...
“You don’t know her,” Deku growled, he was annoyed. Annoyed at himself for not being there when she needed him. Annoyed at Kacchan for not being there for her for eight years.
Katsuki laughed menacingly. “I’m also her childhood friend, Deku.”
“And you broke her. You fucking broke her,” Deku was a sobbing mess as he ran across town showing people a picture of his bestfriend while his phone was pinned between his cheeks and his shoulder.
“What do you mean?” Katsuki took a stick of cigarette from his box and lit it,
Deku stopped in front of an appliance store, frozen to the spot, when a breaking news came on the televisions that were displayed.
“Oy, Deku!” Katsuki shouted through his phone.
“A girl was found floating at xxxx river this morning at 8:42AM. It was believed that the girl have jumped off from the bridge at a much earlier date causing her corpse only resurfaced now. The identity of the girl is still unknown…”
Both Katsuki and Izuku fell silent, blood escaped their faces, breathe hitched on their lungs as they listened to the news.
“… what’s known for now is the girl was wearing a brown cardigan embroidered with two block dots at the collar.”
“Kacchan…”
“Fuck.”