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Hyunjin turned to face the mirror after pulling on his stockings. He does a small spin as he checks himself out in the mirror, smiling bashfully to himself.
Dressed in a sleeveless black dress and knee-length black socks, he looks like a person going to a funeral (a cute person, that is). The back of the dress had a bow around his waist, accenting his hips and small waist.
Hyunjin hums softly to himself, smoothing his hands over the front and flattening out the wrinkles. The texture of the dress is a smooth cotton, lace covering the exterior and a soft fabric against his skin.
Hyunjin grabs a necklace from the counter next to the bathroom sink and slings it around his neck. He reaches around the back of his neck to clasp it together, but struggles to get the two ends to meet. He turns the necklace around and tries to fasten it on from the front, but his fingers are too shaky and he can't seem to fit the two hooks together.
Stomach twisting, Hyunjin wants to cry. He couldn't get the necklace on, but didn't want to call for help. No one in his group knew about his love for feminine clothing, but the thought of telling them sickened them. Sure, his group members were the best people in his life, but Hyunjin always found it hard to open up to people. And something as serious as a guy wearing dresses and skirts was frowned upon by many, who's to say his members wouldn't think the same?
Thinking about it, Hyunjin can feel himself starting to tear up and his face burns. He hated the feeling of being trapped like this. Who could've known something as simple as stubborn necklace could lead to what seemed like a full-blown panic attack.
A knock on the door brought Hyunjin's attention back to the present.
"Hey, you done in there?" It was Seungmin, no doubt.
Hyunjin clears his throat and sniffs, wincing at how loud that was. "Yeah, be out in a minute!"
"Hey... Are you crying in there?" Seungmin sounds hesitant, as if not sure whether to take it seriously or not. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, be out in a minute." Hyunjin's voice cracks, making it even more obvious he wasn't doing alright.
"Hyunjin--"
"I'm fine, just...just go, please." Hyunjin almost sobs, heart beating fast. He grabs the pearl necklace and shoves it back into the cabinet, hurriedly trying to clean up. He curses the stupid dress and socks, wishing he hadn't picked this day to try everything on. "I'm fine."
He can't hear anything from behind the door anymore, and almost sighs in relief. He wipes his eyes and nose with toilet paper and turns on the faucet to wash his face.
Just as he dips his hands uthe water stream, he hears a click and rapidly turns to see the door swinging open, Seungmin standing in stock in the open doorway.
For a moment it's just the two of them and the running water left forgotten. Seungmin's eyes travel up and down Hyunjin's body, obviously staring at the dress and the socks he's wearing. Hyunjin can't register any emotions on his face except for shock, but doesn't want to know. Instead, he starts crying.
"Hyunjin," Seungmin starts, taking a step closer to the shaking boy. "Hyunjin, I--"
"Don't--" Hyunjin sobs. "Don't--just, get out. Get out."
"Hyunjin, I didn't mean to, I--" Seungmin places his hand on Hyunjin's bare shoulder, but Hyunjin slaps it off. Seungmin recoils and just stares with wide eyes.
"Get out, please!" Hyunjin wails, burying his face in his hands. "Just go, please. Please." His voice is muffled, but Seungmin hears all too well.
Reluctantly, Seungmin ducks out of the bathroom, sparing one last glance at the dress-clad boy in front of him. He closes the door softly behind him, and once Hyunjin hears the click of the door handle, he crumples to the floor and buries his face in his knees.
The dress is hiked up against his upper thighs from the awkward position on the floor, and the stockings are rubbing against his legs roughly, the course material feeling no longer comforting, but itchy and tight.
Hyunjin rests his head against the wall and opens his mouth in a silent scream, wanting nothing more than to go back in time and undo everything. From the feminine clothing obsession, to the trip to the mall, and to now, he wanted to forget it all. As if it never happened.
After spending what seemed like hours curled up against the bathroom tile, Hyunjin slowly peels himself from the ground and staggers to his feet. He grimaces at his face in the mirror; his eyeliner is smeared and his face looks blotchy and red. Ducking his head to avoid looking at his reflection, Hyunjin grabs his clothes from the counter and slowly unzips the dress, swearing this the last time he wore anything of the sort.
--
"Ah, there you are, Hyunjin." Chan looks up from the stove where he's cooking breakfast, waving at the bleary eyed boy. "Almost done, mind setting the table?"
Hyunjin shakes his head and walks to the dishwasher and picks out nine clean plates and silverware before making his way to the table. He sets down all nine plates, despite knowing that only eight would have the appetite to eat. His stomach never stopped churning since yesterday evening's happenings, and he stayed up until early morning feeling sick. He had asked Jeongin and Jisung if he could share their space for the night, and thankfully they didn't question it. Sharing the same dorm room as Seungmin seemed like hell at the time, and Hyunjin couldn't bare the thought of seeing him.
"Can you go wake up everyone else? Jisung is in the bathroom, and Felix and Changbin are awake already, I think." Chan grabs an oil bottle from the cabinets as he motions to the hallway. "Everyone else should still be asleep."
"Yeah, sure," Hyunjin mumbles as he sets down the last plate and heads to the hallway.
Chan's voice stops him halfway. "You alright there? You seem more sluggish than usual."
"Yeah, just..." Hyunjin yawns rubs his eyes, praying that his eyes weren't too puffy and red. "Just tired, that's it. Didn't get too much sleep last night."
"Okay then," Chan frowns in concern, but accepts the excuse. "Don't work yourself too hard. That's my job." He laughs and turns back to the stove.
Hyunjin lets out a soft chuckle, thanking JYP for giving him the gift of Chan.
He heads into Felix, Changbin, and Woojin's room first. Felix and Changbin are already awake as expected, talking quietly amongst themselves on Changbin's bed. They exchange a greeting with Hyunjin as he walks in, who smiles softly before walking to Woojin to shake him awake.
Woojin grumbled as he buries his face in the pillow further, muttering about "five more minutes" before turning onto his back and stretching.
"Chan says breakfast is almost ready," Hyunjin says. "Already set the table."
Woojin salutes Hyunjin's orders tiredly, who heads out and into the next dorn room.
Jeongin and Jisung are already awake, Jisung just having returned from the bathroom. They're sitting on the bed when Hyunjin enters the room, talking about something.
"Oh, hey, Hyunjin," Jisung notices Hyunjin first, beckoning him closer and holding out his hand. "Look what I found!" In his hand is a pearl necklace, the very same one Hyunjin tried on last night.
"Cool, isn't it? Found it in the bathroom, hanging out of the cabinet. Wonder who's it is." Jisung thumbs a pearl between his thumb and forefinger. "I wonder if it's real pearl, it looks expensive."
Jeongin laughs. "Probably not, Chan wouldn't buy something so expensive when he could get something fake and just as pretty."
Chan, Hyunjin's throat tightens as he remains motionless. They think it's Chan's. Better than me, I guess.
"Do you guys know if Seungmin is awake yet?" He asks instead, hoping to change the subject. "Chan wants us downstairs for breakfast."
"Oh, breakfast?" Jisung perks up. "I am hun-gry. Haven't seen Seungmin this morning. I don't think he got much sleep last night. Looked weird, like he saw G-Dragon naked or something."
Jeongin laughs. "That's not weird at all."
Jisung shrugs, standing up and placing the pearl necklace on the bedside table and stretching. "Whatever, I'm gonna go down and get something to eat. Seungmin is probably still asleep," he tells Hyunjin, and he and Jeongin walk out together, talking about how G-Dragon would look in his birthday suit.
Hyunjin swallows thickly, head burning. First the incident last night, now the necklace, at this rate everyone is going to know about him now.
He brushes aside his anxieties, breathing deeply before walking to where Seungmin and Minho should be. Just as he reaches the door, it opens and Minho steps out. "Morning," Minho yawns as he walks towards the bathroom.
Great, alone with Seungmin now.
Seungmin is splayed across his bed on his stomach, head buried in his arm and blanket crumpled just below his back. Hyunjin has half a mind telling him to leave Seungmin here and say he was too tired, but his common sense gets the best of him and she goes to shake Seungmin awake.
Seungmin groans and shakes his head, eyes squinting against the light in the room. "Too early for this," he grumbles. Then he opens his eyes all the way and sees Hyunjin standing next to the bed, expressionless faced.
Seungmin jolts up, wide awake at an instant. "Hyunjin..." His voice trails off, not sure what to say.
Hyunjin interrupts, nervously picking at his fingernails. "Chan says breakfast is almost ready." He stiffly turns and starts walking out the door, leaving a dumbstruck Seungmin behind. Last minute, Hyunjin turns and faces him. "Just forget about it, Seungmin."
He makes his way back to the dining room, where the rest of his group members are seated already, the only two people missing being himself and Seungmin.
Loud chatter is already prominent in the room, and the clang of silverware against porcelain plates is almost overhwelming. Chan is helping Jeongin scoop eggs onto his plate--"I can do it myself, Chan!"--when he spots Hyunjin as he sits down.
"Seungmin?"
"Coming," Hyunjin replies, not entirely sure if Seungmin even was coming or not. He gets his answer when he sees Seungmin in the hallway, pulling his shirt on.
Trying to distract himself, Hyunjin grabs the bowl of rice and piles it onto his plate, refusing to look up as Seungmin takes his spot across from him.
Seungmin takes a sip from his water cup, looking like he wants to say something, but Jisung beats him to it.
"I found a necklace in the bathroom today in the morning," Jisung says as he shoves in a mouthful of rice, not pausing to chew before speaking. "Is it anyone's? It was a pearl one, real pretty."
Felix whistles. "Real pearl or plastic?"
"Nah, looked real but didn't feel like it." Jisung takes a gulp of water. "But like, I've never had anything pearl before so I wouldn't know."
"Not mine," says Chan as he sits down. "If no one claims it, I'm sure we can find a use for it later."
Hyunjin feels his face growing warm as he stares intently at his plate of rice. It's just a necklace, and he doubts anyone will really care if he says it was his, but he didn't care. It was embarrassing.
"It's mine," Seungmin speaks up.
Hyunjin's head whips up, starting at Seungmin who is focusing on Jisung.
"It was my mom's, she accidentally left it with me and I wanted to keep it safe." Seungmin says. "Our room is too messy, I was scared it was going to get lost in there."
Minho snaps his finger at Seungmin in an excited gesture. "Thank you," Minho says in an exaggerated tone of gratitude. "I've been trying to say how messy it is for the past week, but no one ever listens to me."
Jeongin snickers. "Just your room, Jisung and I have a very clean room. At least compared to the rest of you all." He points an accusing spoon at the rest of the table occupants.
Woojin clasps a hand across his chest as if he had been shot. "Lies!" He gasps. "Your room is a home fit for a pig."
"Hey, not true!" Jisung shouts indignantly, food spraying out from his mouth.
"Hey, mouth closed when you're chewing," Chan grabs a napkin and wipes Jisung's chin, who ducks away and glares at Woojin.
"I cleaned the room yesterday, thank you very much. As a matter of fact..."
Hyunjin zones out as he stares at his plate, focusing on one grain of rice with so much concentration that he feels cross-eyed. His gaze darts up as he feels someone staring at him, that someone being none other than Seungmin.
Seungmin is looking concerned, but looks away as soon as Hyunjin meets his gaze. Hyunjin averts his eyes as well, looking at Felix and Changbin having an eating contest instead.
His heart is still beating fast--it never stopped since yesterday evening--and he feels his eyes burning. Refusing to cry about his whole incident was crucial, he didn't want anyone else to find out about his secret.
Twirling his chopsticks aimlessly, he stabs his bowl with them and grabs a chunk of rice, shoving his mouth full and praying that no one tries to start a conversation with him.
Hyunjin swallows dryly, forcing down the dry grains of rice, before grabbing another and filling his mouth again. He feels Seungmin watching him, but keeps his gaze down and shoves mouthful after mouthful of rice in his mouth, swallowing forcefully, keeping silent until he tells Jeongin to pass him the eggs.
--
Hyunjin stares at the bright screen of his phone, trying to pass the time. It's late evening, and he's laying in bed waiting for sleep to hit him.
The rest of his group members had gone out Hyunjin refusing saying that he wanted to catch up on his sleep. Hopefully, he would be alone for the night, giving himself time for himself and his thoughts.
His eyes are starting to burn and feel wet, that happening every time he thinks about the previous incident. He felt sick to his stomach, throwing up his breakfast just an hour ago. His mouth tasted weird, and he sucked on a sour candy to keep himself busy.
Scrolling through his image gallery, Hyunjin trashed every cute outfit picture he could find, not wanting anyone to take his phone and find out what he does in his spare time. He's almost halfway though his gallery when he gets a text from Chan.
Chan
Seungmin said he was tired too, he should be back at the dorm soon. rest up!!
Hyunjin groaned and buried his face in his pillow, snorting air out of his nose heavily. Fuck you, Seungmin. Fuck you big time.
He knows why Seungmin cut his time out early, and hates it. Hyunjin contemplates pretending to be asleep when he hears the front door click and open up. No time to turn off the lights and get under the covers inconspicuously now.
"Hyunjin?" Seungmin knocks softly on the doorway. "Can I come in?"
Hyunjin turns to look over his shoulder. "It's your room, too. Do whatever you want." He notices Seungmin is carrying a plastic bag, and is immediately curious.
Seungmin makes his way to where Hyunjin is curled up on his bed, phone in hand, trying to ignore the "intruding" boy. "Look, can we talk?" He asks softly. "Just--please. We need to talk."
Hyunjin scoffs, not meeting Seungmin's gaze even as he sits down on the bed by his legs. "Do I even have a choice?" Despite the nasty tone, Hyunjin sounds scared, as if he was about to break into tears.
"I--I got you something." Seungmin swallows and opens the plastic bag, pulling out it's contents. Hyunjin turns to see, and his eyes widen.
"I know, it may not be your style--" Seungmin holds up a white blouse, before digging into the bag again and pulling out a pastel pink skirt. "--I mean, I only saw you wearing black so I don't know if you'd like something...softer. I mean, I can return them if you want, but..." Seungmin finds himself rambling and winces.
Hyunjin sits up and stares at the clothes in Seungmin's hand. "You--for me?" He traces his fingers over the blouse, and Seungmin hands the clothes over to him.
"Listen, the other day, I didn't mean to," Seungmin starts. "I heard you sniffing...it sounded like you were crying, and I guess I just got worried. I didn't mean--" Seungmin's voice cracks as he looks into Hyunjin's eyes. "I didn't mean to, really."
Hyunjin stays silent, glancing down to avoid Seungmin's eyes. He picks at the skirt fabric and his lip wobbles. "It's--it's fine," he whispers. "I overreacted."
Seungmin lips curve upwards into a small smile. "Do you...want to try them on?" He asks.
Hyunjin thinks about before nodding, biting his lip nervously before getting up from the bed. "Stay here," he says to Seungmin before walking out and into the bathroom.
He shuts the door behind him and exhales deeply, letting out all of his emotions. He felt happy, frustrated, and overwhelmed all at the same time. Nevertheless, he places. The clothes on the counter and strips down to his underwear. The blouse is no slightly tight-fitting but comfortable, and if Hyunjin was being honest, it made his waist look so much smaller than the dress. The skirt reached his knees and complimented his black hair as well as the whiteness of the blouse.
He nervously smoothes down his shirt before opening the bathroom door and walking back towards the room he and Seungmin were in. Seungmin is wringing his hands together, staring at his feet.
Hyunjin coughs lightly, and Seungmin's head shoots up and his breath hitches.
Hyunjin was always attractive, but the way he looked in feminine clothing took the cake. The blouse clung to his waist and sides, and the skirt made his long legs look endless. Seungmin almost forgot how to breathe, and he just stared dumbly at Hyunjin before stuttering: "Wow, you look--Hyunjin, I--"
Hyunjin feels his face flush and looks down in embarrassment, rocking back and forth on his heels. "You like it?" He asks shyly.
Seungmin nods (like an idiot) and lets out a nervous laugh. "You look, really...nice."
Hyunjin moves to sit next to Seungmin on the bed and takes Seungmin's hand, which felt hot and sweaty, no doubt from nerves.
"I'm sorry, about getting mad at you earlier," Hyunjin swallows thickly and looks up at Seungmin with wide, apologetic eyes. "I guess I overreacted. I didn't mean to hurt you like that." Hyunjin pulls at the skirt with his free hand. "And this outfit, you didn't have to--"
"I wanted to," Seungmin cuts in. He squeezes Hyunjin's hand comfortingly. "I wanted to apologize. For having you think that I would be...disgusted at you." He forces out a breathy laugh, before continuing. "You look very--very beautiful with dresses. You should wear them more often."
Hyunjin's eyes look watery as he smiles. "Thanks," he whispers. "That--that means a lot to me."
"Hyunjin, I--" Seungmin purses his lips nervously, and takes Hyunjin's other hand in his own, the two facing each other completely. "Can I...kiss you?"
Hyunjin laughs quietly, face flushed a dusty pink color. "Yeah, yeah you can."
Seungmin hesitates before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Hyunjin's. Hyunjin's lips are warm and soft, and his breath tastes sweet, like candy.
Hyunjin's eyes flutter shut as he melts into the kiss, tugging a hand around Seungmin's neck and pulling him closer. Their noses bump, and Seungmin smiles into the kiss. A smile of relief, happiness, everything just rushing into him at once.
Seungmin pulls away just a bit to stare at Hyunjin, whose eyes were still closed. Hyunjin leans forward to chase the kiss, and Seungmin lets him. He wraps an arm around Hyunjin's waist and pulls him close, the two toppling back onto the bed, Seungmin caging Hyunjin into the mattress with his body.
He pulls Hyunjin's waist up, connecting their bodies again, and Hyunjin wraps his arms around Seungmin's neck, keeping him down on top of him.
The two come up for breath, and Seungmin presses their foreheads together. Hyunjin's face is red and his eyes are glazed over, lips plump and pink and oh, so delectable.
Hyunjin laughs against Seungmin's body, shaking both of them. "That was--"
"--Amazing," Seungmin finishes. "Hyunjin, I--" His voice cuts off as nerves get the better of him, scared to speak.
"Hey," Hyunjin cups Seungmin's face in his hands and presses a light kiss to his nose. "I know. I love you, too."
Seungmin feels himself tearing up and buries his face in the crook of Hyunjin's neck, breathing in the sweet smell of flowery perfume and sweat. He presses a light kiss to Hyunjin's neck before facing Hyunjin again.
"I love you, Hyunjin." Seungmin's voice is only a murmur, but Hyunjin hears it all too well.
The two stay like that for a while, bodies pressed close and legs slotted together, practically melting into each other's touch. Hyunjin runs his hands through Seungmin's hair as Seungmin presses light kisses into Hyunjin's neck.
Everything might have happened at once, but they were going to make it last forever.