Chapter Text
Louis was sat on the bench with his head hung low between his legs. He still had his football kit on and his boots were starting to cramp up his feet, but he had no intention of taking any of it off. There was fresh sweat dripping from his hair and patches of dirt and grass scattered on his skin.
“Here comes Tomlinson from behind. He dodges one defender…he passes it off to Payne…Payne crosses it back over to Tomlinson. He has a clear shot!”
The headband on Louis's head suddenly was feeling too tight so he yanks it off his head and flings it somewhere across the room. Louis could tell that his teammates were avoiding him. He couldn't blame them though. If he were them, he probably would be doing the same thing.
“Unbelievable! Tomlinson has completely missed the net!”
Louis can still hear the shouts from the crowd and see the disappointment on his teammate’s faces as the ball skims past the goal post.
“The goal was wide open! That was supposed to be a game winner. I know the man is going through a divorce, but he really let his team down on this one.”
Louis abruptly stands up and punches his locker out of frustration. The sound of skin hitting wood echoes throughout the room, making everyone in the locker room quiet down.
He could feel his fist throbbing and worries that he might have broken his hand. The whispers were silenced and Louis could feel several eyes staring at his back. He makes eye contact with Liam and Niall who are looking at him with full concern but all Louis registers is pity.
Louis grabs his duffel bag and doesn’t even bother with changing. Louis swiftly moves around his teammates, who make a path for him. Without saying goodbye, Louis leaves out the door to run away from his problems like he always does.
----------
It was a rainy day in London and Louis decided that the best way to spend his day was to lay on the couch and watch television; but to be honest, lately Louis’s days have been like this no matter what the weather was like.
Louis was laid across his couch with his hand propped on a pillow with an ice pack on top of it. Turns out he didn’t break his hand, just bruised it, but it still hurt like hell.
Nothing was good on TV at the moment so, Louis was subjected to watching Sky Sports. As they are switching segments, they showed a replay of Louis’s missed shot yesterday making him cringe as he watches the ball go past the goal.
Talking on the screen right now was his least favorite person in the world, Nick Grimshaw, aka Sky Sport’s “most charming” journalist.
The first time Nick interviewed him, was also going to be the last. Throughout the whole interview Louis and Nick were bickering and arguing over everything. Half of the footage couldn’t even be used because of “explicit language".
Louis has never hated someone more than he did Nick and he didn’t even know why. He was one of those people that Louis wanted to punch as soon as he saw them, but because Harry and Nick were friends/co-workers, Louis tried multiple times to get along with the guy. At the end, Louis concluded that he and Nick were born to hate each other, at least that’s what he explained to Harry.
“So Nick, what are your thoughts on Tomlinson’s performance yesterday?” the other sportscaster at the desk asks.
Louis didn’t recognize the man probably since he's been avoiding watching the network for obvious reasons.
“Honestly he looked terrible out there," Nick answers without hesitation. “He clearly was not in the right mind-set during the whole game. I know he has a lot going on, but he needs to be able to put all that aside and play football.”
“If the viewers are not aware, Louis Tomlinson who was married to Sky Sport’s very own Harry Styles, has now finalized their divorce. I think it’s also worth mentioning that they have three children together,” the man addresses to the camera before turning back to Nick. “Now with that being said, how does someone simply put aside a messy divorce like that?”
“I have no clue. I haven’t been married before.” Nick chuckles. “But I do know that Louis has to get over it soon. How will he be able to lead his team while he is playing like crap?”
Louis would love to reach into the TV screen and grab Nick by his scrawny neck. There have been multiple news outlets that have commented about the divorce, but when it’s coming from Nick, it sounds extra infuriating somehow.
“So are you blaming Tomlinson for the loss?" the man asks Nick.
“Absolutely, we all know he could have made that goal. Hell a toddler could have made that goal. I think Arsenal is better off just benching him for the rest of the season.”
Louis let’s that comment sink in for a minute. Coach had offered him to take a leave of absence just until he had his life back under control. Of course Louis rejected that offer. Staying at home just to mope all day was something he rather not do.
But now that Louis thinks about it, maybe it is better for him to be benched for a little bit. He knows he is playing like shit right now and that’s not what the team deserves.
As Louis thinks over his options, he hears the TV shut off. When he looks up, he is not surprised to see his little sister, Lottie, standing there. It was just a matter of time before his sister came over to check up on him.
“Don’t listen to them,” Lottie says after she turned off the TV.
Louis snuggles further into the couch, ready for this upcoming conversation with his sister. “How did you get in here?”
He could have sworn he locked the door, but nowadays he barely restocks his fridge so he wouldn’t be surprised if he left his front door open for anybody to waltz right in.
“The key was under your front door mat. You should really think about moving that. It’s very predictable you know.” Lottie sits down beside him, eyeing his bruised hand. “Should I even ask about your hand?”
“I punched a locker,” Louis simply said, feeling like that’s explanation enough.
Lottie let’s out a sigh. “So is this all you’ve been doing? Listening to people bash on you while you sulk?”
“Actually I ate some ice cream a little while ago.” Louis pouts from under his blanket.
Lottie looks on the coffee table and sees a full bowl of melted ice cream. She decides not to mention that or the fact her brother is cuddling the same blanket Harry got him for his birthday.
“So, how are you doing Lou?” she asks warily.
Louis does not want to talk about it but knowing his sister, she was not going to let it go.
“I mean did you watch my game yesterday, Lotts?” Louis quirks his eyebrow at her. “I did awful and it’s because I can't get my mind off of him.”
Louis was getting frustrated with the fact that he keeps focusing on the divorce. All he wants to do is forget about it, but it seems like his emotions are consuming him, trapping him in this dark room where he can’t get out.
Lottie looks down at him with sad eyes. “Louis I am so sorry this is happening to you and Harry, but it’s natural to feel this way.” Lottie hesitates, biting her lip as if she was contemplating her next words. “Look I know you’re upset and angry right now, but you had days to prepare for this. What were you doing in between then?”
Not preparing for a divorce that’s for sure. When Harry sent the divorce papers in to get processed, Louis thought they would have fixed their marriage in between then. Louis spent day after day trying to come up with a plan to win his husband back and keep his family whole, but Louis totally misjudged the time it would take for divorce papers to get finalized. In about three weeks, it was done; Harry and Louis were officially not married anymore.
“I-I thought we would be able to fix us." Louis looks down at his left hand and stares at the pale patch of skin on his bare ring finger.
“Oh Louis.” Lottie shakes her head. “If you didn’t want to get a divorce then why did you sign the papers?”
“Because Harry wanted me to. He practically begged me. I would do anything for that man, and if he wants me to sign a damn piece of paper then of course I will. I just didn't think he was serious."
“Of course he was serious, it’s a legal document! Why would you think he wouldn’t go through with it?”
“Because we were happily married for 10 years Lottie! I mean I know we had our fights, but that did not mean that we needed to get a divorce. I mean you have to admit he was being a little hasty right?”
“Can I be honest with you for a moment?” Lottie asks. Louis nods his head yes. “It wasn’t the tiny fights that made Harry want to leave you.”
Louis sits up and frowns at her. “I do not want to talk about this.”
Lottie ignores his plea. “The reason why he divorced you was because you were never around Louis.” Lottie takes a deep breath before continuing. “Ever since you became captain you’ve been away with the team on so many occasions. It was like you became a different person. You missed so much and Harry felt like he was losing you. He wasn’t happy like he used to be and I saw it Louis.”
Louis was staring at the floor with frustrated tears threatening to spill out. “So you’re taking his side, alright.” He stands up and starts pacing around his living room.
“I’m not taking anyone’s side! I’m just trying to make you understand why Harry is doing this.”
Louis let’s out a snort. “Oh then please dear sister, do tell me why my husband is now my ex-husband? Tell me why I only have three days a week to spend with my kids? Tell me why this whole shit show is happening?!”
He didn’t mean to get so angry, he just couldn’t help it. Louis feels like he is living in another dimension and all he wants to do is get back to where he belongs.
Lottie stares at him with a calm expression, not at all phased at his outburst. “You cannot blame Harry for missing you.”
“And how about me Lottie? Do you think I didn’t miss him too? I had to leave because my team needed me! I play football to provide for my family and that was what I was doing. For god sakes, Harry was the one who pushed me to take the captain's position in the first place!”
Lottie stands up from the couch walking toward her brother with a scowl on her face. “And how about your own family?! For past few years you have been missing out on so much. You missed your daughter’s ballet recital. You missed your other daughter’s birthday party. You missed plenty of your son’s football games. You even missed you and Harry’s anniversary last year. So do not stand there and make excuses for yourself! You were the one who decided to leave, no one forced you to.”
At this point Lottie was right in front of Louis with her finger stabbing him in the middle of his chest. Even though she was a small woman, she managed to make Louis feel intimidated.
“I understand that I was not around a lot, but what was I supposed to do? Not go to training? Not go to meetings? I can’t miss shit like that.”
Lottie replaces her scowl on her face with disappointment and backs off. “I’ll talk to you later Louis.”
She walks over to grab her bag. Before she leaves out the door she pauses at the door frame. “He just wanted to know that football wasn’t the only thing you cared about,” she said quietly and leaves out the door, slamming it close.
Once the echo of the door slam silences, Louis was left alone with several thoughts running through his head.
----------
The house looked the same. It was still the same house Harry and Louis had built together, except for the fact Louis doesn’t live there anymore.
When the divorce was finalized Louis let Harry keep the house since Louis had already bought a flat. Harry had no complaints.
The house was secluded in the country near London so both parents could commute easily. Louis and Harry had this dream of some sort of “paradise” for them and their future family so they built it. The house itself is a beautiful Victorian style that they renovated, turning it into a more modern home but still keeping some charming aspects of the original house.
They had plenty of land that they definitely made use of. Majority of the land was used for Louis's mini football pitch that he had to beg Harry to have. The rest of the land was for Harry who used it for his garden and a family pool. They even had a future plan to buy some horses, but of course that never happened.
Louis parks his car in the driveway and smiles at the familiar sight of bikes and toys scattered on the front yard. Louis remembers coming out there late at night to clean before Harry got home from work, so he wouldn’t yell at the kids.
Louis was there to pick up the kids for his half of the week. The schedule was very simple; Harry got the kids from Monday to Thursday, while Louis got the kids from Friday to Sunday.
When they sat with the lawyer to figure out the custody plan, Louis just sat there silently while Harry and the lawyer talked. After they were done, they both turned to Louis who simply nodded his head in agreement and left out the door.
The first time they tried the new schedule the kids were quiet and ignored their parents. When they got to Louis’s new flat they made a beeline to their bedrooms and stayed there until dinner.
It took some time, but eventually they got used to the fact that their parents were no longer together. They said that they’re okay with the idea of switching between them, but Louis and Harry both knew their kids weren’t as happy as they were before.
As Louis was nearing the front door he hears a voice from the backyard. “Come on Clifford give me back the ball!” Louis immediately recognizes the voice as Beckham, his only son and also the eldest.
All of a sudden a big black blob of fur runs toward him with a football in his mouth.
“Hi there Cliff.” Louis kneels down and starts petting his dog.
Yes it was still his dog, but Louis didn’t want to take Clifford away from all this open space to a closed off flat with no inch of grass anywhere, so he let him stay with Harry.
“Oh hey dad.”
Louis turns around and sees his son looking at him with a glint in his eye. He will never get over the fact that he looked just like Harry.
Beckham was the only child that they had through a surrogacy. Harry’s sister, Gemma, was the surrogate and they were all surprised when she volunteered herself to carry their child. Apparently she had been waiting for them to ask her.
Even though Louis had a hand in making the baby, the Styles genes were clearly the dominant ones. The only characteristics Louis contributed was the straight brown hair and the nose. The rest was all Styles. Beckham had the same shade of green eyes, the same dimples and the same strong jawline like Harry. They could practically be twins.
“Hey Becks, looks like Cliff stole this from you.” Louis takes the slobbery ball from Clifford’s mouth and hands it to his son.
“Gross he slobbered all over it.” Beckham pulls a disgusted face and holds the ball out in front of him so it doesn’t get on his shirt.
“Well maybe next time try protecting the ball better,” Louis teases.
Beckham flings the ball back in the yard, making Clifford chase after it.
“Yeah and maybe you should aim for the goal next time,” his son says back.
Louis visibly winces at that. “You got me there bud.”
Beckham immediately regrets what he says when he sees the frown on his dad's face. Louis was maybe still a little sensitive on the topic.
“I’m sorry.” Beckham sighs. “I’m just stressed about the game next weekend. Coach has been busting our balls.”
“It’s okay bud, but please watch your language,” Louis scolds. “What would your papa say if he heard you say that?”
Beck rolls his eyes like your average teenager. “Come on I’m 12 now.”
“Yeah don’t remind me.” Louis throws his arm around him. “So how’s everybody doing?”
“Papa has been on this healthy food craze at the moment. He’s taken all the sugar and sodas out of the house,” Beck grumbles.
“Sounds like Harry.” Louis chuckles. "But don’t worry I just packed my cupboard full of junk food so when we get there you can sneak some home.”
Louis knew Harry was trying to convert his kids into health nuts like him, so he bought some junk food just in case something like this happened.
“How are your sisters?” Louis feels weird asking it every time because it made him feel like he wasn’t in the loop anymore with his own family.
He and Harry have two daughters, who were both adopted. Olivia, who is the same age as Beckham, and Mila who is only 2 years old.
“Olivia got a boyfriend recently,” Beckham says with a bored tone. “Oh and Mila accidently stomped all over papa's tomatoes in the garden.”
Louis laughs at that. He could imagine Harry’s horrified face as soon as he sees his daughter covered in tomato juice and dirt. Mila was currently going through her terrible twos phase and both parents have been exhausted trying to handle her.
“Oh wow that’s…wait did you just say Olivia has a boyfriend?” Louis quickly backtracks and tries to make sure he heard his son right.
Beck simple nods his head. “Yeah, anyway do you think we could stop by the pitch so I can practice with uncle Niall?”
Louis ignores the question. “Olivia has a boyfriend,” Louis says more to himself, the words tasting sour in his mouth.
His 12 year old daughter has a boyfriend and he didn’t even know.
“I’m gonna take that as a yes. Let me go get my gear!” Beck rushes out from under Louis's arm and runs into the house.
Louis doesn’t even notice. He’s still on the fact that his 12 year old daughter has a boyfriend!
In the middle of his internal freak out, Harry decides to pick that moment to come out.
“Beckham please do not run in the house!” Harry yells after his son, then he turns to Louis who looks like he’s seen a ghost.
“Our daughter has a boyfriend!” Louis exclaims when he realizes Harry was right in front of him.
“Hi to you too Louis,” Harry said unfazed and then looks down at Louis’s bruised up hand. “What happened to your hand?” he asks with genuine concern.
Louis of course ignores the question because there are more pressing matters. “Our daughter has a boyfriend!” he repeats once more just to make sure Harry is hearing him.
“I know.” Harry rolls his eyes.
Louis’s eyes widen even more. “You knew? For how long?!”
Harry winces at how loud he’s being. “Can you stop screaming please? They have only been dating for a week. I’ve met the lad and he is actually quite the gentleman.”
Louis was annoyed about how calm Harry was being. “Yeah right." Louis scoffs. “So who is this punk?”
“The punk is named Luke and please stop making a big deal about this.”
“How can I not Harry? She’s only 12 and she’s still my little girl!” Louis pouts.
He still remembers when they first adopted Olivia. After Beckham, Louis and Harry both knew they wanted at least one more kid. Olivia was the first child they received a file from and they fell in love instantly. Olivia was 5 at the time when they adopted her. She was originally from Africa and desperately needed a loving home. Harry and Louis read her story and knew from that point on that they needed her.
“What’s all this yelling about?” Olivia steps out and looks curiously at her two fathers.
“My little girl!” Louis instantly pulls her into a hug. “Who let you grow up so fast?!” he shouts out dramatically.
“Dad you’re crushing me!” Olivia struggles to get out.
Louis lets go of her and wipes his non-existent tears. “Where is my Mila? At least I have another daughter that I can still cuddle without them yelling at me.”
On cue, Mila wobbles her way over to the front door, smiling up at her dad. Louis scoops her up and hugs her tight, making her giggle.
“Oh my little munchkin! Please promise me that you will never grow up and will stay this little forever!” Louis repeatedly kisses her cheeks until they become red from his beard.
Harry quickly grabs Mila away from Louis. “Louis stop it, you really need to trim that beard of yours.”
“You never complained about my beard before.” Louis winks at him making the other man blush.
Before Harry could respond back Beckham comes flying out of the house with a duffle thrown over his shoulder. “Come on let’s go! Dad promised me I can practice with Uncle Niall!”
“I did?” Louis furrows his eyebrows, he doesn’t remember agreeing to that.
“Dad I don’t want to stay out on the pitch! There no Wi-Fi there,” Olivia whines.
Louis could already feel a headache coming on. “How about we drop off Becks with Niall and then we can go back to the flat?”
“Sounds like a plan. Now can we please go?” Beck asks impatiently, already halfway to the car.
Harry hands Mila off to Olivia. “Liv can you buckle your sister in. I’m going to talk to your father.”
“You are?” Louis quirks his eyebrow at his ex-husband.
“I am,” Harry confirms. “Also Liv can you make sure to sit next to your sister and hold onto the car seat. I don’t trust that convertible.” He eyes Louis’s roofless car.
When the kids are out of hearing range Harry turns back to Louis.
“I thought you liked my convertible?” Louis asks right away.
“Yeah when my children aren’t in it.”
“Fair enough.” Louis directs his attention to the ground and digs his heels into the dirt. “So what do you want to talk about?”
It was still weird between him and Harry. Ever since the fighting began Louis didn’t know how to act around him. He usually had a good read on the man, but nowadays Harry seemed more like a stranger to him.
“I saw the game the other day,” Harry simply said.
And there it is. Louis was hoping they would avoid talking about it, but it seems like Harry is on a different page.
“Well I hope you did. I mean it’s your job after all to analyze those games.” Louis shrugs his shoulders. “So are you going to tell me how fucking bad I was out there?”
Harry quickly shakes his head no. “No, of course not Louis. I just wanted to tell you to ignore all those comments. People have no idea what’s going on.”
Louis purses his lips. “Well your colleague Nick was very passionate about the whole thing the other day.”
“Look I talked to Nick and I told him not to comment on it again. I had no idea they were gonna discuss that shit. I’m sorry that you had to listen to that.”
Louis scoffs. “Are you actually?”
Harry frowns at him. “What are you trying to say?”
“Harry, you and I both know that you would rather see me on the bench. You always would say I was too obsessed with football. Don’t try to act like you care now.”
Louis knew he wasn’t being fair, but he couldn’t help himself. After the conversation with Lottie, Louis couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. Louis knew Harry supported him and his career, but he always had an underlying feeling that Harry was not happy with everything that came with it. Louis will admit he was away a lot, but he always tried to be the best father and husband that he could be.
“That is not fair,” Harry says through clenched teeth. “You know I supported you and your career. Do not make me the bad guy here. You were constantly away, you barely had time for us.”
Louis looks directly in his eyes. “I’m sorry that we can’t all have jobs that let us stay home Harry, but at least I’m not the one who broke this family apart.”
“I am not the one who broke this family apart, and we both know that,” Harry’s voice was cold as ice, making Louis physically take a step back.
Louis looks down at the ground and takes a deep breath. He and Harry have always been fighting every time they see each other, and each time gets more exhausting than the next.
Louis hears Harry let out a sigh, making him look back up.
“Look I have work to do. I’ll see you on Monday Louis and please do something about your hand, it’s so swollen,” Harry stresses once more, before going back into the house.
Louis watches his ex-husband shut the front door, leaving him with his throbbing hand. All of a sudden Clifford comes running back with the ball secured in his mouth. Louis kneels down and pets his head.
“Watch over him Cliff. I still care for that asshole.”
As Louis says goodbye to his dog, his children start yelling at him to hurry up. Louis pats Clifford on the head one last time before jogging over to his car.
Louis plops himself in the driver’s seat and double checks that all his kids are buckled in.
“So, are you guys going to fight every time you see each other?” Olivia asks with a small voice from the back seat of the car.
Louis’s hands tighten around the steering wheel. “You heard that?”
“Dad we’re in a convertible right now and you guys were practically screaming at each other,” Beck deadpans.
Louis looks around him to see that yes, they were in fact in a car without a roof that was not too far from the front porch where Louis and Harry were having their fight. Awesome.
Louis turns to face his kids. “Your father and I are trying the best we can. It’s just-“
“-complicated,” both his oldest children finish for him.
Louis puts his car in drive. “Yeah it’s complicated,” he says under his breath and pulls out of the driveway.
----------
“You know I was having a really great time having a nap,” Niall said as they pull up to the parking lot of the football pitch.
Louis smiles sweetly at his best friend. “I’m sorry that my son wants to practice with the best goalie in the Premiere League.”
“Stop kissing my ass,” Niall mumbles, before turning his attention in the kids in the back of the car. "Hi kiddos!"
“Hi uncle Niall,” Olivia responds without even looking up from her phone.
Niall raises his eyebrows questioningly towards Louis.
“She has a boyfriend,” Louis explains.
“Oh well that…wait what?!” Niall’s voice carries through the empty lot. “She has a boyfriend? How could you let this happen?!” Niall points an accusing finger at Louis.
Louis puts his hands up defensively. “Hey don’t yell at me. I just found out too. Harry told me he met the lad and that he was supposedly a gentleman.” Louis puts up finger quotes.
“Oh bullshit,” Niall spits out. “Harry wouldn’t know what a gentleman is, he married you for Christ sake!”
And he divorced me, Louis wanted to add but he didn’t want to ruin the mood.
Louis simply takes the light hearted insult and blinks up at Niall. “Wow thanks Niall.”
“Olivia I can’t believe you’re growing up so fast! I feel like it was just yesterday when I was taking you to the playground.” Niall starts to fake cry.
This whole interaction reminded Louis of how he reacted when he found out. Seeing it actually play out, makes him realize why Harry was complaining about him being so “dramatic”.
“Uncle Niall stop being so dramatic!” Olivia groans out of embarrassment. “I already had to deal with this when dad found out.”
Beckham, who was fidgeting in his seat with impatience, finally speaks up. “Yeah, yeah, Olivia has a boyfriend, big deal.” Beck rolls his eyes. “Can we please go practice my penalty kicks now?”
Before Beckham gets out of the car, Louis stops him. “Beck give me a kiss before you leave.” Louis leans his cheek toward his son for him to kiss.
“Dad,” Beck grumbles, but ultimately gives him a quick peck and rushes out the car.
Niall looks on with fondness. “Do you need me to kiss you as well?” he asks teasingly.
Louis snorts. “I rather you not actually, but I need to ask you something.” Louis waves Niall to come closer, so only he can hear him. “Do you think football took over my life?”
Niall lets out a sad sigh. “Lou is this about the divorce?”
Louis looks down at his lap and nods.
Niall puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Look Tommo you know how I am about this whole subject.”
It’s true, Niall and almost all their friends were always avoiding the topic. They both loved Harry and Louis so much and did not want to pick sides. It was just an awkward situation for everyone.
“But to answer your question,” Niall continues. “I don’t think football took over your life, but I do think you might have bitten off more than you could chew. You had just adopted Mila and at the same time you were promoted to captain. That was a lot to juggle.”
“But Niall I didn’t choose to become captain,” Louis argues back. “Coach picked me.”
“Yeah I know, but when you became captain you took on the role really seriously. Don’t get me wrong you are one of the best captains this team has seen it’s just, it’s hard to be a good football captain as well as a good father and husband.”
Louis has heard this same kind of speech from everyone he talks to. It’s not like he was ignoring what a shitty husband and father he was, he just didn’t want to admit it.
Louis chews his bottom lip as a distraction. “But Niall you of all people know how crazy this life is. Football is my job.”
“And Harry, Beckham, Olivia and Mila are your family.” Niall squeezes his shoulder one last time before removing his hand. “I love you Louis, but you have to realize that Harry had a point when he left you.”
That was harsh, but Louis needed to hear it.
Louis blinks away the tears, but he’s sure Niall notices it. “Thank you Niall. I really needed to hear that.” Louis smiles sadly up at him. “Now get out of here and go make my son a better footie player than me.”
“He already is,” Niall says with a wink. “Bye girls!” He waves bye to the two girls in the back before making his way inside the building.
Louis watches Niall’s retreating figure until he was out of sight.
“Dad I don’t blame you, you know,” Olivia says from the back seat.
Louis twists his body to look at her. “Huh love?”
“For the divorce,” she clarifies. “I know you and papa have been fighting more than usual. It’s okay, we still love you both even if you guys are separated.”
Louis feels tears building up again. “I’m sorry you guys are in the middle of this. It’s not fair.”
“It’s okay.” Olivia puts on a smile for her dad. “I rather see you guys happy than miserable and if that means you guys are divorced then so be it.”
Louis give her a tight smile and turns around so his daughter doesn’t see his tears trickling down his face.
The thing was, as long as he was away from Harry and his family; he could never be happy.
----------
Louis had bought his flat during when he and Harry were on a “break”. It was only supposed to be temporary, but days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and now Louis has found himself permanently living there.
The flat was the complete opposite of what Louis has been accustomed to. Outside, Louis could hear the busy streets of London, while back at the house they were surrounded by trees protecting them from the outside world.
The flat itself was nothing special and had a bachelor pad feel to it that Louis was not fond of. It had 4 bedrooms, 2 baths, a decent sized kitchen that Louis barely uses and a balcony that looks over London.
With the kids there, it felt nice and a little homey but when they weren’t, it was a different story. The flat felt too big and Louis hated living there alone. It was too quiet which was strange since he was so used to living with three children in the house. Louis never thought he would miss the sound of tiny footsteps running in the hallways and the sound of his husband yelling at them to stop.
“I’m going to my room!” Olivia announces as soon as they get through the front door.
Louis watches her leave and looks down at Mila, who was cuddled up in his arms. “Looks like it’s just you and me, little one.”
Mila looks up at her father with her eyes half closed. “Dadda,” she says with a yawn, signaling it was time for her nap.
“I can’t wait until I can have long conversations with you." Louis kisses her on her forehead.
Suddenly Louis hears Olivia squeal from her room. “Oh my god! Did you hear what Mel said about Kristen?” She was no doubt talking to her friends on that damn awful phone.
Louis scrunches up his face. “On second thought, please stay little forever.”
Mila let’s out another yawn and cuddles further into her father’s chest. Louis’s face breaks out in a fond smile and starts to rock her gently in his arms.
Adopting Mila was not at all planned. After Olivia, they weren’t planning on having any more children. A few years later, the adoption agency called and said they had a baby who needed a temporary home. Of course Harry and Louis gladly took her in.
When they got Mila, she was the tiniest baby they had ever seen. She was a tiny little thing at 5 months old. The agency said that she was abandoned by her biological parents. When Louis found out he was absolutely furious and Harry had to physically calm him down. Mila was such a sweetheart and he could not understand how someone could leave her like that.
After just spending a day with Mila, Harry and Louis fell in love with her. They didn’t have the heart to let her go so they adopted her. Both parents were over the moon and were so excited to raise another beautiful little girl.
But that excitement was short lived. About just 2 weeks after adopting Mila, Louis was promoted to captain for Arsenal.
Harry of course was happy for him, hell he even told Louis to take the position, but he was also scared that this could be too much for Louis to handle. Harry told Louis his concerns, but Louis told him he was being ridiculous. Soon Harry’s fear turned to reality. Like he predicted, Louis started missing out on everything and was always away for work.
This is eventually when the fighting started. It got so bad that they fought whenever they were in same the room and there was barely any civil conversation between the two. After the first year, things were just going downhill from there.
~~~~~~~~~~
Louis had been away for the whole day on a little field trip with the team. Coach wanted the players to develop better team work skills so it was a mandatory trip for all players. Louis and the rest of the team had an overall good time and it was a good way to get to know the rookies.
But as much as Louis loves his team he missed his family. It was late at night, but Louis was finally coming home and he decided to surprise his family. He knew Harry and the kids always have movie night on Friday, so it was perfect timing.
When he got to the house though, Harry’s car wasn’t in the driveway. The lights were turned off and it seemed like no one was home.
Louis’s mind started to race through all the possible negative scenarios. After checking the doors and windows for any signs of forced entry, he thankfully didn’t find anything.
“Surprise,” Louis’s voice echoes through the empty house. He sits on the couch and lets out a sigh.
This was not what he had in mind. All he wanted was to cuddle with his husband and his three children. Louis’s eyes started to feel heavy and he decided to take a quick nap.
“Louis.”
Louis’s eye’s snap open, and sees a pair of green eyes staring down at him. Louis rubs his eyes and smiles sleepily.
“Hi baby.” Louis puckers his lips, trying to get a kiss.
Instead of giving what his husband wants, Harry ignores him. "Louis where have you been? I've been trying to call you.”
Louis furrows his eyebrows at his tone. "I wanted to surprise you guys.” Which reminds him, where are his kids? “So where are my beautiful children?” Louis jumps up from the couch, trying to search for his kids.
Harry shushes him. "Louis keep your voice down. They’ve had a long day.” He sighs and slumps back against the couch.
“Long day? I thought today was movie night?”
“Today was Beck’s football championship,” Harry says pointedly.
Oh. “What? That was today? Shit,” Louis curses. “It totally slipped my mind.”
“How can you forget Louis? I reminded you like 5 times before you left,” Harry said clearly irritated at his forgetful husband. “We tried calling you but you never picked up.”
“I’m so sorry Harry.” Louis sits back down, putting some space between him and Harry.
“Don’t say sorry to me. Say sorry to your son. He was really hoping you were going to show up,” Harry says with disappointment in his voice.
“Well did they win?” Louis asks.
“No. They lost by a point.”
“Shit,” Louis winces. “How did he take it?”
“He’ll be okay. I told him there’s always next year.”
“I’ll make it up to him,” Louis hums. “I can take his team out to the stadium tomorrow or something.”
Harry shoots a bewildered look toward Louis. “You're missing the point here Louis! You can't keep missing out on big things like this!”
“I know, I know. It’s just Coach had taken away our phones and we have that match against-“
“Can you stop making excuses for yourself?! I’m tired of it Louis! You’ve been missing out on your kid’s big milestones and it’s like you don’t even care!” Harry shouts.
Louis is taken aback by his husband’s outburst. "Of course I care.”
Harry scoffs. “If you cared you would have been at Beckham’s game. You need to start putting more of an effort in this family! I feel like I’m the only one trying here!”
“Oh come off it Harry! You know I’ve been busy, cut me some slack!” Louis abruptly stands up from the couch and starts to walk into the kitchen.
“I’ve been cutting you slack for too long! I’m getting tired of it!” Harry is right behind him.
Louis opens the fridge and takes out a beer. “I’m tired of us fighting. Can we just do this in the morning?”
“No, we are doing this now.” Harry stands his ground. “We keep putting this off! We need to figure out how we are going to fix this problem! Louis, we need to figure out how to fix us!” Harry eyes were wide and he was completely red in the face from frustration.
Louis takes a swig of his beer. “You wanna know why we aren’t okay?”
“Please do tell me,” Harry insists.
“You”-Louis sticks his finger against Harry’s chest-"are making a big deal about nothing! We both miss shit, not just me okay? So don’t go blaming all our problems on me!”
“The problem is you Louis!”
“Oh really? Well then why don’t you just rid of the problem then?”
Harry frowns. "What the hell do you mean?”
And without even thinking Louis shouts, “Divorce me! Hell divorce me and maybe we’ll both be happier!” As soon as the words leave his mouth, he regrets them.
There was nothing but silence after that. Harry looked at him with a blank expression. There was no more anger, frustration or sadness. Instead Harry was just staring blankly at him.
Louis gently sets his beer on the counter, trying not to disturb the unsettling silence.
“Get out,” Harry says, his voice with an obvious quiver to it.
“Haz I didn’t-“
“Get out!” Harry grabs the beer and throws it against the kitchen wall, smashing the bottle into millions of small pieces of glass, splattering brown liquid all over the wall and floor.
Louis stands there shocked, trying to figure out what to say. Their fights have never gotten this out of control. This was uncharted waters for both of them.
Harry and Louis freeze when they hear footsteps from upstairs, no doubt their kids waking up from the noise.
Louis looks at Harry one last time before rushing out the door. He did not want to be there when his kids got down. He didn’t want them to see him like this.
Louis didn’t know it at the time, but that would be the last time he would call Harry his husband.
~~~~~~~~~~
After Mila had fallen asleep in his arms, Louis sets her down in the crib. Louis looks down at her one more time, making sure she doesn’t wake up. He puts the baby monitor on and turns off the lights before leaving.
Louis goes into his own room and pulls out a wooden box that he hides in his drawer. He sits on his bed and opens it.
Inside the box is where he kept pictures of him and Harry. There was pictures from their dates, their wedding, their honeymoon and any other picture that showed them being happy, which was a lot. Also in the box was where Louis kept his wedding ring.
When Harry and Louis were settling on a ring, they decided to make their rings identical. Louis wanted simple and Harry wanted sparkles so they compromised. The ring was a simple gold band with one row of black diamonds. On the inside of the ring, was an engraving of what Harry said to Louis when they first started going out.
It’s you and me against the world.
Louis holds the ring in his palm and lets it burn through his skin. Whenever Louis found himself missing Harry, this is where he went.
Seeing the memories hurt, but it brought him back to when they were happy.
The front door suddenly opens and slams close, startling Louis from out of his thoughts.
“Dad guess what!? I scored 5 goals against uncle Niall!” Beckham’s voice travels through the hallway.
Louis hastily puts the ring back in the box and returns the box to its hiding place. He wipes the tears from his face that he didn’t realize were there and pretends that he is somewhat okay.