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1.
The moon hung over the ocean, reflecting off of the water beautifully. Stars were all around, shining in the sky and dotting all over the calm water. This place was familiar, the same beach Lance grew up running and falling on, spending summers swimming with his siblings and trying to show off to tourists his age the moves he knew when surfing. It was more of a home than just a place.
Lance didn't know what he was going to do when it was the time for him to go to the Garrison, where there was no mamá and papá, no estupidos hermanos or the beautiful ocean of his home.
“Lance?”
He didn't move from where he was sitting on the sand, trying to look like he didn't even hear whoever had come to get him - definitely Veronica, it was always her, but Lance silently hoped that she would go back to join the others. He didn't want to talk, not really.
“Lance.” The weak waves of ocean concealed any sounds Veronica made while walking, but Lance could imagine her getting closer to him, a worried frown etched onto her face - the same expression she wore every time Lance disappeared from her side to go to this place all alone. Her voice the very same tone she had used when Lance was sobbing about a boy who broke his heart when he confessed. She had always been the first person Lance talked to when he needed help, including the time he wanted to join the Garrison, or when he decided to come out to his family. But now, now he didn't want to talk at all, not with Veronica, not with someone else. He just wanted some time alone.
“Veronica,” he croaked out, wincing when his voice came out rough and terribly hoarse from disuse - or from crying for hours, he didn't know. Excuses filled his mind, I don't want to talk about it, or I need some time to think, maybe just a plain leave me alone, but he couldn't bring himself to say any of it. Something was pressing against his throat, keeping him from talking - breathing - but he knew that it was nothing substantial, no real hands wrapped around his throat, just his feelings and tears.
“Hey buddy.” A body flopped down by his side, right on the ground without showing any signs of discomfort about the wet sand. Lance appreciated the sentiment, but there was no need for her new clothes to get dirty for a small chat. He didn't voice any of his thoughts either way. “How are you feeling?”
It was a stupid question; Veronica knew that they both were feeling awful without a doubt, they had to. Because they had lost someone they cared about to a dumbass who didn't realize that driving his car drunk was dangerous and there was no way either of them could be happy when they were at the funeral of their distant cousin that was just like another sibling to them only a few hours ago.
Lance answered anyway, “Terrible.”
“Yeah, I guessed you would be.” Veronica smiled ruefully, knocking a shoulder against Lance's. “But you know that we will be okay, right? We will all miss her so much, and it'll be hard, yeah, but she wouldn't want us to be sad for too long.”
Lance knew that she really wouldn't, but she wasn't there to tell them that.
Veronica's glasses were missing. Out of everything that could get Lance's attention, it was how Veronica didn't have her glasses with her that made Lance realize how unreal this whole thing was. He didn't know why she didn't bring them with her; maybe she did it knowingly, perhaps she forgot to grab them while getting out of her room that day, but they just weren't there, and Veronica looked incomplete in front of his eyes like that, as if she wasn't wholly herself.
That could be true, Lance thought. Death had different effects on people. For Lance, it meant the realization of the fact that he could lose his family and loved ones any time in just a typical day, and the very idea of it made him anxious, scared. But what was it like for Veronica?
What was it like for the parents of his cousin?
Lance felt a sob climbing up his throat and pressed his lips together to keep in the broken noise. His eyes burned, the ocean and stars blurred in his vision, and Veronica made a weak, pained sound that was just like the one Lance tried to keep in. He saw her reaching towards him from the corner of his eyes and hesitation pressed heavy in his chest, but he pushed it aside to go willingly into his sister's embrace, pressing his face to her neck as tears burned his cheeks, quiet sobs finally finding a way out of his body.
Whatever it felt like for them, Lance decided, he didn't want to know. He didn't want anyone else to learn it, either.
Mourning was painful, terrible in its horrifying beauty, and Lance hoped that he would never see the hurt it brought to those who were still alive ever again. He'd do anything to make sure that he wouldn't.
2.
Years later, when Lance's wishes had been long forgotten with the excitement and fear he felt towards space and the Galra, he watched Keith's face twitching, changing between disbelief and hurt - maybe with a hint of fear too. Even though Lance never thought that he would see such an expression on Keith, the way it looked as if everything was too much for him, the world was pushing him to the breaking point too fast that it was impossible for Keith to adjust to the changes. Keith was moving his feet in circles inside the liquid that looked as clear as water except it was a lot thicker, hard to slip in it properly, but better for sinking as if it were a swamp or quicksand. Lance wondered when he forgot that there was a possibility of one of them dying in this war before it even ended.
It was far too easy to get lost in the adrenaline and fights, but how did it slip from all of them that there could be disappearances - or deaths, probably deaths - like Shiro's?
“Hey, Mullet!”
Long ago, when his cousin died, Lance had Veronica. They both had been mourning, sad, but at least they were not alone. But in space, there weren't many people that could keep you company even though there were millions of aliens and more, because they were nothing but strangers who didn't know the stubborn push of some mystical Lion with magical powers - and maybe a weakness for Paladins with no experience - in their mind. They were just people who didn't know the fear and excitement of tearing through countless Galra fighters and surviving at the end of the day or forming an unbreakable bond that was so amazing in its weird way with four other Lions and their Paladins. Other people were just - not the right ones to talk, not when they had no idea what a Paladin could've been through and what kind of support they needed.
Lance didn't know if Keith had someone like Veronica back on Earth, someone willing to grieve with him, but it didn't matter. Not many people in the Castle of Lions could sit beside Keith without the fear of pushing his buttons; only Shiro had been daring enough to poke Keith without a restraint. But now, with Shiro gone...
“Am I seeing this wrong, or are you brooding beside the alien equivalent of the ocean like you're some protagonist of a dramatic anime?” Lance dropped down beside Keith, grinning tiredly. The last fight had taken a lot from all of them, but it wasn't the time for Lance to rest, not when their new leader was like - like this.
Keith's glare didn't move from a triangle-shaped orange… thing resting at the bottom of the weird liquid, as if watching an odd, orange alien - was it alive? Lance didn't have any idea - was much more interesting than having a real conversation with Lance. He probably could feel that Lance was trying to make a heart-to-heart talk with him and was willing to do anything just so he could escape from this - and he was damn right too. Lance was so ready to do an emotional, tear-filled scene with some Mullet wearing emo, except-
No. That wouldn't work, not with Keith. If Shiro were there, he'd probably go for an encouraging, loving speech. Hunk would prefer the comfort route, with lots of food and cuddles - unless Keith managed to slip away from them, but that would be a crime because Hunk's cuddles were heavenly - and Pidge was just as bad as Keith with these kinds of things, so she'd most likely go for the distraction route.
Lance, though, wouldn't try to do any of those things, not when someone was mourning, because he simply didn't believe that mourning was a problem to be fixed. It was just taking time to swallow a hard truth, something that was going to leave a scar forever and sting every time it was remembered.
Mourning was something Keith was going to do, no matter what. Shiro was gone, and Keith could smile after a few weeks, months, maybe even crack one or two jokes, but he'd feel the emptiness of Shiro's absence anyway. Lance couldn't make him feel all better, couldn't comfort him fully or give him his fire and courage back unless he could bring Shiro back -and even if he could, this experience would leave a mark on Keith anyway. That was what death and mourning did, after all, leaving scars that people were not willing to touch with a 10-foot-pole.
But what Lance could do was offering a companionship.
“So…” His tongue was too heavy, somehow making it painful to form words. There was a disgusting taste in his mouth like ashes or sand, a pressure in the air that tried to steal the breath from his lungs. It was simply… Lance wasn't sure how to describe it. Maybe sad, but that didn't fit fully, it was much heavier than sadness. If he had to choose a word for it, he thought that he would go with 'miserable', “Do you think Shiro is dead?”
Keith's head snapped towards his way, the black strands of hair flying around his face and smacking his cheek in a probably painful way. Lance could feel the air getting more tense and hotter the second the words slipped from his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to regret them. Keith had to know that Lance was there to talk what others didn't even want to think about - if he ever wanted someone to ramble at instead of getting pitying looks or people trying to make him feel better. Lance was willing to show him that sometimes it was better to mourn for a moment, even with the war still going on, if Keith ever wanted to do that.
“What…” There was a pause when Keith's voice came out scratchy; his tone was straight and solid, unlike the noise he made. He sounded as much of a soldier they all were made into, but Lance could bet all the money he didn't have on that the Mullet was only bad at coping, and that was it. After clearing his throat soundly, Keith tried again. “What are you talking about?”
Lance huffed, wriggling on the hard ground to find a comfortable position to sit. The stones were digging to his backside quite painfully, but he had gone through too many rough battles to admit that he was losing a fight against some pebbles. “I'm asking you a question, Mullet. Do you think Shiro is gone? Like, gone gone? Muerto gone?”
“Muer- what?”
“Like dead, dude!” Maybe it was a little harsh to say it like that, but that was what Lance meant, and he wasn't going to sugarcoat it for Keith. He was pretty sure that Keith wouldn't want him to do that like the rest of the team did, even though there was an angry glint in his eyes. “I'm asking if you believe that Shiro is still out there, waiting for us to save him from Galra or God knows what, like a princess in distress, except, none of us are any sort of princes. But we have a princess and she's strong enough to carry Shiro, so maybe that can still work? Do you think it can?”
If looks could kill, Keith's glare would've been more than enough to make Lance drop dead in an instant. “No.” With a scoff, Keith turned his head back to the clear liquid, violet eyes bright under stars, and Lance felt his breath stuttering in his chest for a second. Trying to imagine Keith looking - not glaring, scoffing or jeering, just without a hint of anger burning in his soul - at him with stars shining in his eyes just like it did now. It was such a scary, but somehow beautiful thought, dangerous territory for both Lance and his team. Lance pushed down the longing he felt towards such a moment that would never happen, not in this lifetime. “We are searching for him because we believe that he's still out there. You know that.”
Not I, but we. Lance could work with that. At least, Keith didn't think something stupid like he was alone in his search for Shiro.
With a sigh, Lance threw his head back, eyeing the stars. It felt like if he tried hard enough, he could hear the sound of waves, feel the calm wind brushing against his skin just like the time it always did before Lance got caught in this war, before the Galra or the Garrison. The salty smell that he almost forgot, sand sliding in his shorts and shoes, it was as if all those almost forgotten sensations were just within his reach, close enough to tickle the tip of his fingers. Like, if Lance reached forward, he could touch them.
“I miss the way stars looked.” He changed the topic easily, feeling like a coward - or maybe it was a moment of bravery, because talking about his home was just as hard as talking about Shiro for him - but pushing the words out of his mouth anyway, “On the surface of the ocean, I mean. It always looked amazing.” Looks, Lance wanted to correct himself, but he wasn't sure if he would ever get another chance to see the ocean again to confirm that the beach looked the same as it had always been back at home.
The thought was bitter, but Lance was slowly getting used to the idea of not getting a chance to go back to his home. After ten thousand years, God knew how long this war would go on when everybody was starting to fight back just now. He didn't give up on going back, no, he could never. But for now, the only thing he could do was hope that he could see his home and family one more time without having to do something he didn't want to do - like leaving Voltron, as hard as it was to think about - but he couldn't do that either because that would risk the lives of all those aliens - and tell them that he never wanted to leave them on Earth and go deep into space for years without sending them any signs of him still being alive - that he missed them and loved them so much.
“I've never been to the ocean before.” Surprised, Lance turned his head towards Keith to catch him shrugging slightly, the corners of his mouth tugging down and lines decorating the skin around his eyes. Keith was looking stressed, and Lance knew that his face was mirroring Keith's in one way or another. The last few weeks had taken its toll on them without Shiro to tell them to take a break. “I did see it from afar, but not close enough to see stars on its surface.”
It was a shame because Lance didn't think there was anything that could be as beautiful as that scene.
Well, there was this one thing that came into his mind, but it wasn't a real memory, only Lance's imagination playing tricks on him. But it wasn't all that unbelievable to think that the Keith who had been his rival, teammate, friend, standing in front of the ocean that was practically Lance's second home, basking in the moonlight with stars reflecting in his dark violet eyes would be the most beautiful thing Lance could ever see. Except that wasn't about their friendship but something different, something more that was entirely on Lance.
“Well, you don't know what you're missing.” Lance grinned cheekily. “It's probably one of the most amazing scenes you could ever see.”
There was almost a hint of a smile on Keith's face, and the lines around his eyes seemed to ease up with it, the steely glint in his violet eyes softening. Lance didn't know if he was imagining it or trying to make himself believe that Keith really did seem fond, but he couldn't bring himself to ask.
“You're sounding awfully like you're having a normal conversation with me.” Yeah, Keith was definitely smiling and teasing. Lance pinched himself, trying to see if he was in a dream. He wasn't. “It's as if you're trying to be civil with me.”
Lance frowned, but he didn't feel angry. There was an amusing edge in the way Keith talked, and Lance could feel the playful, familiar rush of their banter pulling him in. “What? It's not that surprising! I can talk to you without arguing!”
Keith chuckled a little, the sound low but rich compared to the quietness that had been surrounding the clearing they were on. “You really can't.”
Lance tried to keep his eyebrows furrowed, but there was a happy feeling in his chest he hadn't felt ever since Shiro's disappearance. His shoulders still felt tense, the possibility of their previous leader - their friend - being dead too hard to be forgotten in light banter, not easily swept under the rug at all. But Keith was smiling slightly, his feet still in the clear liquid that was so much like the ocean, and Lance thought that maybe he could just let things be and wait for everything to click into their place by themselves. Time wasn't called the best cure for no reason, after all.
But he still couldn't help but poke Keith back, “Well, neither can you, Mullet, so you better shut up.”
“I can't talk to myself without arguing?” Keith's eyes seemed brighter than ever, almost shining, and the sound of ocean echoed in Lance's ears again. “Whatever you say, Lance.”
Lance decided that he would take Keith to see the ocean of his childhood, of his home and life, once they got back to Earth. It was possible that Keith could refuse the offer - maybe he wouldn't even want to come back to their home planet where there was no one waiting for him - but Lance wanted to try his chance so bad. “Oh, you know what I'm talking about!”
“Do I really?” Keith sounded playful, his voice almost music to ears except it cracked halfway and Lance found even that too beautiful. He was gone for Keith in such a way that it wasn't even funny.
He huffed, both to Keith and himself, feeling his own eyes narrowing. “You are so asking for it-”
Keith interrupted him, a fire burning bright between them, “Come at me, sharpshooter.”
Lance threw himself forward, trying to catch Keith in a chokehold, but Keith was just as quick as he was during a training session even when he was sitting down, and he ducked under Lance's full swing of arms. They flailed against each other for a moment, laughing and growling out insults at each other wildly, but then, with a big splash, they fell right into the ocean-like liquid.
After a beat of silence, Lance threw his head back and laughed, the feeling of pure amusement and a fleeting sense of freedom he hadn't felt ever since the day he stepped into the Castle of Lions - getting trapped in a war that was bigger than any of them - filling his heart.
He knew that things were not okay, and their problems didn't suddenly become alright after just one proper talk. The absence of Shiro, their distance from Earth, the not-quite-fitting Lions in their mind weren't suddenly gone, but for now, Lance thought that they could work with what they had.
They were a team, and when one of them needed a reminder of that, Lance was determined to do his best to knock some sense into them. He was glad that Keith realized it too, because maybe Lance did needed someone to accept that fact. After all, just like he thought, these last few weeks had been hard for all of them.
What they had was enough for now. It had to be.
+1
“We are back,” Lance heard from Hunk's comms, “We really are back.”
It was almost unreal to see the big planet that was all blue, green, and white. Seeing Earth after going through so many places, other galaxies that humans didn't even dream of, it made the fact that their home planet was much smaller compared to the vastness of space more prominent, more distinct. Earth was just like any other planet Voltron saved and Lance knew that, but it was also his home. Lance couldn't help but feel a warmth spread in his chest that pressed down and drowned the fear.
Going back to home felt like a dream, like there was an almost invisible line in between it staying as a dream or transforming into a nightmare - or just disappearing into black nothingness. Lance knew that it made no sense, but it was as if he was trying to keep a handful of sand in his palms and hoping that it wouldn't slip between his fingers. It simply sounded impossible.
But now, with the Sun hiding behind Earth as they all flew towards their home, he knew that this war was over. The universe was finally free; their friends were safe - or as safe as they could be after Voltron ended the reign of a dictator - and they were getting closer and closer to Earth.
This was utterly unmarked territory - it had been that way the second Lance decided to run inside Blue's cockpit for the first time.
“We are back,” Lance echoed, trying to wrap his mind around the idea. They were going to see their families again, go back to the Garrison and tell them that aliens did exist, that Lance, the cargo pilot, had become one of the best pilots alive and saved the whole universe. Lance was going to meet mamá and papá and everybody else again - Dios, he was going to introduce them to his half-alien boyfriend that looked like someone accidentally splashed purple paint all over him.
It was so scary.
“Lance?” Wincing, Lance threw a glance towards the incoming video call from the Black Lion. Of course, Keith wanted to talk to him before they went down, why wouldn't he? It didn't even take a second before Lance decided that yes, he did want to see his boyfriend's pretty face one more time before this shitshow went down, and accepted the call.
Keith's frowning face filled the screen, light lilac blotches showing themselves between the expanse of pale skin. His eyes slightly shined yellow with the darkness of the Black Lion's cockpit, but there was enough light for Lance to see those narrowed dark violet eyes still.
A smile bloomed on Lance's face despite the tight knot in his gut. “Hey babe.”
Keith's face softened slightly, his glare losing its edge as he examined Lance's face. “Hey.” He looked hesitant but determined; his shoulders relaxed after finally dumping Romelle to the Blue Lion at their last stop where she managed to knock Keith's hand off of the buttons that resulted in Black making several unnecessary loops and turns. Lance remembered laughing a lot while hearing Keith cursed non-stop for minutes in another language - which was apparently Korean, Lance learned later - but he would never admit that to Keith. His boyfriend would never forgive him. “Are you… okay?”
Lance smiled slightly. It was almost impossible to remember that Keith had been so new at this whole dating thing that he didn't even know if his kisses were welcome without asking Lance for permission first - except, Lance could never forget the pretty pink that was on Keith's face and ears when Lance brought it up, so maybe not that impossible.
Well, at least Hunk was right. Lance was so, so gone for this boy who didn't even know that mullets were not allowed in this century, and he was enjoying every single second of their relationship, no exceptions.
“Yeah, just- just peachy,” Lance tried to sound typical, pushing the fear of unknown back to the dark corners of his mind. He didn't know what to expect. What if everybody believed that they were dead? What if his family had been mourning for him this whole time? What if someone died while they were gone?
“Hey,” Keith's voice was steady, and his eyes shined with understanding. The softness of his gaze was enough for Lance to want to pull him into a corner and hide there for the rest of their lives. With no doubt, Keith was one of the best things that had happened to him while they were in space. “You can talk to me. I know this must be hard for you.”
And it was, but not just for Lance. Everybody was on edge, even his boyfriend. The corners of Keith's eyes had stress lines that hadn't been there before, and Lance could see the fingers that were tapping on the console of Black Lion without a purpose. Lance's nervousness was nothing special.
“I know, I know.” With a sigh, Lance leaned back, his shoulders slackening. “I'm just anxious. We haven't been on Earth for so long and- and what if too many things changed while we were gone? I'm worried.”
Keith chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully, mirroring Lance and leaning back on his seat as well. “You know that you will have us no matter what happens, right?” With hesitation decorating his voice, he added, “I will be here for you, as long as you need.”
Lance felt a smile creeping up on his features and looked back to Red's console to keep the fond expression he knew was on his face hidden. Now was not the time for falling for his boyfriend all over again, not when they were talking about something this important. “I know, and you know that I'll always want you here. I thought we already talked about this, babe.”
Keith's embarrassment was the perfect medicine for Lance's anxiousness with the way it made Keith's pale skin flushed with a pretty pink as the violet patches got darker, more prominent. Lance could see the big, not fully healed scar on Keith's cheek accompanying the smaller ones like the little white line at the corner of his upper lip, bags under his tired eyes and freckles faintly dotting his skin, maybe even a few pimples that caught Lance's eyes, but his boyfriend looked as beautiful as ever. Keith was indeed a miracle in Lance's eyes, no matter what he was thinking about his own features.
“Shut up.” Despite his words, Keith's voice contained no heat, just a healthy amount of annoyance. Lance would feel ashamed with the fondness he felt towards an annoyed expression of all things if he wasn't too busy watching said expression and sighing dreamily.
Pidge was probably right about them being disgusting, but Lance had no regrets.
There was a slight reminder coming from the corner of his mind, from the part that was filled with the Red Lion's fiery presence. It made Lance glance outside, the realization dawning on him the second he laid his eyes on the ocean that was reflecting the night sky off of its surface. His breath got caught in his throat, a building heat behind his eyes, and it was an incredible thing to see after years of imagining that did the real beauty of the scene no justice.
They were home.
“Lance?” Keith's voice was filled with concern, his eyes as observant as ever, but Lance couldn't tear his eyes apart from the very thing that had been in almost every single one of his dreams - except the ones he has of Keith, but sometimes they both had been in one night's sleep at the same time, so maybe not. “Are you okay?”
He was more than okay; he was perfect. He was so close to his family, his team was flying right beside him, his boyfriend's dreamlike face was staring at him, and Lance felt a sob escaping from his throat with the relief he felt.
They were safe. They were all okay - alive - and somehow back.
“Hey,” Lance knew he looked as wrecked as his he sounded with tears blurring his vision and his face burning, probably turning into a deep red instead of his usual tanned brown, but he couldn't bring himself to pay attention to that. “Can we- do you want to- can I take you to see the ocean?”
There was a silence, filled with possibilities and fear and maybe a hint of something sweet, something precious - Lance thought that it could be love - and then, with a vulnerable tone, Keith answered, “Only if you'll be the one to show it to me.”
Lance sobbed again, pressing his hands under his eyes to feel the cold tears, and smiled as wide as he could.
They were home.