Chapter Text
This time of year was not beautiful, it was painful.
Moomin couldn’t help but see the leaves falling as a sign that Snufkin was leaving. He had tried to convince himself earlier in the season that their golden color was simply because of the light, until they had turned deep oranges and browns, something he couldn't deny. Now he could practically smell the looming cold in the air. He knew that Snufkin must feel it too, but Moomin was scared to mention it.
He realized he didn’t have much time with Snufkin left.
So, he pushed the feelings aside and decided to spend as much time with Snufkin as possible.
Their first adventure since Moomin’s realization took them to the top of a tall hill near Moomin’s house, a hill Snufkin said he had visited often. In the distance, they could see the mountains.
“Wow Snufkin, it’s beautiful!” Moomin exclaimed, a grin on his face. Beneath the two, the land seemed to spread out for miles. The hill was tall enough that they felt comfortably alone.
“Look over there,” Snufkin said, pointing. “You can see the ocean.” He was smiling too. The sea was certainly visible, sparkling in the midday light despite the overcast sky.
“You’re right!” Moomin said. “I can.” He knew how important the ocean was to Snufkin, who loved it more than nearly anything else in the world. The two sat down, taking in the view together and enjoying the solitude. But Moomin found it hard to keep his mind off of how soon Snufkin would leave. A light wind was blowing, containing a chill that was difficult to ignore.
“You know,” Snufkin began, “winter is coming.” They had been thinking the same thing after all, the idea of Snufkin’s leaving shared between the two of them. Moomin was quiet, hoping that if he didn’t mention it, Snufkin would somehow forget. An awkward silence fell over the pair until Snufkin finally continued. “I’m thinking of leaving in two weeks.”
“That soon?” Moomin asked, emotion clear in his voice. It was the same feeling he always felt whenever Snufkin left, but it seemed that each year the impact it had grew stronger.
“Moomintroll,” Snufkin said with a sigh. “You can feel the cold wind. I can too. If I don’t leave soon, I’ll be trapped here all winter.”
“Would that really be so bad?” Moomin wondered, his emotions growing. He was always surprised how much he didn’t want Snufkin to leave. He glanced over at his friend, who had a thoughtful expression on his face, though a little pained. Finally, Snufkin answered.
“No,” he said, “Being with you isn’t bad. But sometimes, I need to spend some time by myself.” Moomin didn’t know what to say, he just nodded. Suddenly the distance between the two of them seemed too much for Moomin. They would have all winter to be distant, he thought with some frustration. It was at that moment that he knew that he wanted to be closer to Snufkin.
He looked at his friend, trying to make sense of the feeling. Snufkin, who was gazing at the sea, his eyes distant as though he was lost in thought, was so… warm, Moomin realized. Every spring when he returned, he seemed to bring with him a feeling of calm. How fitting that spring, the season of rebirth, always brought a new feeling of admiration for his friend. Moomin couldn’t think, couldn’t focus when Snufkin was gone, but his friend being around made him happy. Just sitting on the hill, alone with him, was enough to take away the chill of the wind.
It was then that Moomin realized he was in love.
He didn’t simply like Snufkin, like he did with Sniff, or Snorkmaiden, or even Little My on a good day. No, this was a different feeling, with the power to make him feel ways that he had never experienced. The sudden beating of his heart when he looked at Snufkin, the way that he would gladly spend all his time with him, the way time spent with Snufkin could never become boring, were unlike any of his other friendships.
Perhaps Moomin had always known he was in love, from the moment he first met Snufkin and realized he was unlike any person he had previously met. They had grown closer, and become best friends, and the desire to be alone with Snufkin, where he could have him all to himself, had continued to affect Moomin, and even grow stronger. Just thinking about it made him feel warm. He identified another new sensation then, one he had likely always felt but wanted to repress, the desire to hold Snufkin’s hand.
Suddenly Snufkin turned, away from the ocean, to face Moomin, who was forced to quickly try to avert his eyes so it didn’t seem like he had been staring at his friend (though he had been). Snufkin stood up, a gentle smile on his face.
“Coming here always helps me relax,” he told Moomin. “It’s a good place to think, and to know your own mind.” Moomin internally laughed. He had certainly thought, alright.
“It’s wonderful,” Moomin said. He meant it. “Thank you for showing me!”
“Of course,” Snufkin replied. “Shall we climb back down now?”
They began the descent, a slightly difficult journey. Although easy enough to climb up, the hill was rocky and steep at points, and Moomin had to be careful not to trip on his way back down. He was thankful for the challenge, a distraction from his thoughts about Snufkin. By the time they had reached the bottom, Moomin had nearly forgotten that he loved Snufkin, until he looked at his friend again and the feeling came back instantly. How gorgeous Snufkin looked, Moomin thought, when he was this graceful. It was clear from even the way Snufkin walked that he was used to travelling. He moved smoothly, almost silently, without even trying, an effortless aura of dignity, but not pride, surrounding him. Snufkin’s confidence was something that he admired.
It was becoming darker already, another sign that winter was approaching. Moomin knew it was time for him and Snufkin to go their separate ways.
“See you tomorrow?” Moomin asked hopefully. He was prepared to honor his commitment to spend as much time with Snufkin as he could.
“Perhaps,” Snufkin said with a smile. It was so like him, Moomin thought, not to make plans. He could only hope that his friend would be available then.
“Well, bye Snufkin!” Moomin called cheerfully, though he felt the familiar sadness as Snufkin vanished into the forest again. Moomin stood alone for a while, then walked home, his mind on his friend. He didn't understand all of what he felt, but perhaps Moominmamma would know how to help him make sense of it.
“Moomin, dear,” Moominmamma said as Moomin entered the house. She was in the kitchen cooking dinner. "Welcome back." Noticing as he lingered in the room, she continued. “What’s on your mind?”
“What does love feel like?” Moomin blurted out.
“Love?” Moominmamma said, thinking for a bit. “Love is different for many people, dear. For many, love is strong and powerful. For you, it seems, love is spending your time with one person, and your love is devotion.”
“Do you think someone could love someone else without dedicating their whole time to someone else?” Moomin asked.
“Of course,” Moominmamma replied gently. “In fact, love to many means caring enough that not even distance can make them stop.”
Moomin thought about this. “Really?” he asked.
“Yes, dear,” Moominmamma replied. “Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Moomin couldn’t help but let his mind wander back to his friend, the one he admired so deeply. It seemed like love to him, he thought, the way that he longed for Snufkin to return when he was gone, and how every time Snufkin came back, he left Moomin feeling the same joy and affection that he had previously, if not more so.
“So when Snufkin goes away,” Moomin continued cautiously, “he still loves me?”
“Yes,” Moominmamma said without hesitation, “of course. As I said, love is different for different people.” She paused, considering her words. “For Snufkin, I think, love is giving up his lifestyle to stay in the same place most of the year, just to be with someone special.”