Work Text:
Based off of: I love you by Billie Eilish
It's not true
Tell me I’ve been lied to
Crying isn't like you
Oh-oh-oh
Finch’s POV
“It’s been great talking to you but I’ve got to go.” I smiled and hurried away from Mrs. Turner before she could tell me about another one of her granddogs. One of the downsides of living in a small apartment complex was the extremely nosy and talkative neighbors. It’s not that I don’t like Mrs. Turner, it’s just that a guy can only see so many pictures of chihuahuas before they all start to look the same. Also the Chinese food was getting cold. Once orange chicken has been in the microwave it isn’t the same.
”Y/n I’m home!” The silence that followed my statement was no surprise. Y/n was famous for retreating to her room until the many projects that come with the College experience were finished. I knocked on her bedroom door. When there was no answer I opened it. I expected Y/n to be asleep with a book in her lap, or with her headphones on typing furiously. Instead all I saw was a bundle of blankets that seemed to have a face. Her eyes were half shut and red, liike she’d been crying.
”Are you okay?” I hurried towards the bed and she pointed at her open laptop.
“I got a 48.” She said bleakly.
”Out of?”
“100”
Ouch. Y/n excelled at most aspects of academics. Math being the exception. I knew how hard she studied for that quiz. I spent many hours going over formulas and problems with her until she seemed semi-confident in her abilities. Seeing it all crash and burn broke my heart a little. Although her feelings were valid, I was a bit confused. Y/n was usually unfazed by a bad grade. However, she also tended to keep things bottled up. This quiz must have been what pushed her over the edge.
”Come here sweetheart.” I held out my arms and she crawled into them. “It’s just one quiz. The actual test isn’t for another couple weeks. I’ll help you study and we can fix all of your mistakes.”
“Thank you Finch, it’s just-“ Her sentence was interrupted by sobs. I held her closer to me, hoping to take some of her sadness away.
What the hell did I do?
Never been the type to
Let someone see right through
Oh-oh-oh
Your POV
I felt pathetic.
I felt bad that I had made Finch worry about me.
I felt stupid.
I felt like a coward. Why couldn’t I tell him. He was one of the people closest to me, I have to tell him. But how could I when I was terrified that he would forget about me.
“Finch?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to Norway for 2 months.” There. I said it. I hid my face in his chest, doing everything in my power to avoid his eyes.
“I love you.” He said it so quietly I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly.
The rush of emotions and adrenaline made me laugh outright.
Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn’t mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to
Oh-oh-oh
Finch’s POV
She’s leaving. For two months. My mind lost the ability to process simple concepts and all I could think about was how I loved her. And how I would never get the chance to tell her. So I said it. Because she was going to go to Norway and have the time of her life. She was going to find new friends and a new roommate. She would forget about me and move on. But I’d be stuck here. Missing and loving her.
“Ah, I mean that’s great, when are you leaving.”
“In three weeks.” Y/n’s face was pressed against me so her words were muffled but I had no problem understanding her. She was going to be gone before I knew it.
Up all night on another red eye
I wish we never learned to fly
I-I-I
Three Weeks Later
Your POV
”Do you have enough sweatshirts?”
“Finch I took half of your collection, I’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about. Do you want one back?” Finch insisted on helping me pack by giving me a good chunk of his closet. He said it was because Norway would be colder than here. I let my imagination wonder, until it led me back to the night he told me he loved me. That moment played over and over in my mind until I had overanalyzed every detail. “Here, at least take this..” I handed him my second favorite hoodie. (The first being the one he gave me) and he hugged it.
“I will treasure it forever.” He said only half joking.
“You better!” I laughed enjoying the smile he gave me a little too much. “Off to the airport.”
“Ok but first, coffee.”
I’ve always heard people say they have a “one track mind” but I only understood it as I sat down in the passenger seat of Finch’s car.
Finch.
He was all I could think about. In the end only one thought was consistent. I was leaving and I was going to miss Finch like crazy. I’m going to miss his voice and his face and his hugs. Our movie nights and breakfasts at Denny’s. I spend the entirety of the car ride reliving my favorite memories of us.
Us.
There wouldn’t be an us anymore. I hold back my tears because I don’t want my last moments with him to be tainted with bittersweet sadness.
I plug my phone into the aux cord and Best Friend by Rex Orange County starts playing. Finch perks up as soon as he hears the first line.
“It’s our song!” He says giddily.
Finch and I became friends due to our similar music taste and mutual friends. This song just happened to be easy to dance to and seemed fit our relationship. At least in the beginning. Now I wasn’t so sure.
I wanted to be more than just Finch’s best friend, no matter how much I denied it.
Maybe we should just try
To tell ourselves a good lie
I didn't mean to make you cry
I-I-I
Finch’s POV
“Can you grab my suitcase?” Y/n asks unplugging her phone from the aux cord.
“Sure.” She climbs out of my car so I get out and retrieve her suitcase from the trunk. This is really happening. Y/n is leaving.
I hug her before she can see the tears on my cheeks.
“Call me before you board.” My voice is quiet. I’m afraid if I try to talk too loud I won’t be able to say anything at all.
“I will.” Y/n isn’t letting go and to be completely honest, I’d stay here with her forever if I could.
“I miss you so much already.”
She doesn’t respond at first I can’t tell if she heard me.
Y/n pulls away a little to look at me. “I’ll text you, and we can FaceTime.”
I agree with her, although we both know the seeing each other on a screen can’t replace the feeling of being together in real life.
I nod and kiss her head because more than anything, I want to believe nothing will change between us.
Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to
Oh-oh-oh
Your POV
After saying goodbye to Finch for an excessively long time, I have to go. Taking a deep breath, I walk into the airport and prepare myself. By the time I get to my gate Finch has texted me a total of twelve times. I call him right away.
The stress of going through the security checkpoints had temporarily distracted me from him. But as soon as I click on Finch’s name tears start to blur my vision.
“Hey.” His voice sounds small.
“Hey, I made it to my gate.”
He sighs and I can picture him perfectly. Sitting in his car, wearing my hoodie. Leg bouncing up and down, fingers tapping against the wheel.
“Good, um, I guess I should let you go now.”
“Wait.” I don’t want to stop hearing his voice. “This might sound stupid but, could you maybe leave a voicemail for me so I can listen to your voice whenever I want.” I wait for him to laugh at me but he doesn’t.
“Sure.”
We sit in a comfortable silence for a couple seconds. I don’t want him to go but my boarding group is getting called.
“Goodbye Finch.”
“Goodbye Y/n.”
He hangs up and I can’t help but feel extremely lonely. Finch calls but I let it go to voicemail so he can leave a message.
“Hi y/n! This is Finch. I miss you so much and you’ve only been gone for about and hour. I hope you have a great time and make lots of new friends. But please don’t forget me. I love you Y/n.”
I can’t even try to hide the smile that consumes my face. He said it. And there didn’t seem to be any alternative motives. Finch loved me.
The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dying
Finch’s POV
“And then Linn tried snorting a pixie stick and sneezed purple for about a week!”
She throws her head back laughing, and I laugh along with her. Basking in the light she brings wherever she goes. After what felt like an eternity and the some, Y/n is finally back. Now she’s sitting across from me on the couch, her legs warm in top of mine.
“You look different.”
She raises her eyebrows, “Different how?”
“Different good.”
“That makes no sense Finch.” She laughs again and I try to stifle the warm feeling in my chest. However the look she gives me doesn’t help. Her eyes are frustratingly beautiful. She’s frustratingly beautiful. I stare back at her, trying to make up for the months I’ve gone without seeing her in person.
“Have I told you about Isak yet?”
My jaw involuntarily tightens and I force it to relax.
“No.” I attempt to sound disinterested.
My efforts soon go to waste, and Y/n is telling me all about how this Isaac -or whatever his name is so funny and entertaining.
We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in central park
There's nothing you could do or say
I can’t escape the way, I love you
I don’t want to, but I love you
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Your POV
“The parties there are actually amazing. I just wish you could’ve been there to see it.” Ever since I mentioned Isak, Finch has been inattentive to say the least. His fingers are moving a mile a minute, fidgeting with the string on his hoodie. My thoughts backtrack to the night I left. When Finch said he loved me clear as day. At first those words gave me hope for the future. Until I started to overthink it. Maybe Finch didn’t want to be anything more than friends. Maybe he just said it because I was leaving. Months apart did nothing to calm the swarm of butterflies I felt in my stomach when I saw him. Scratch that, it felt more like a flock of pigeons, fighting over a French fry.
“We took a hike to my friends cabin up in the woods and it looked like someone took it right out of a picture book. I wish I could’ve taken you.”
“Why didn’t you just take Isaac.” Finch’s voice was sharp.
“It’s Isak, and why would I take him?”
“Oh I don’t know. You keep talking about how much you loved Norway and everyone in it. I can’t help but feel replaced. You know what, just forget it. It’s getting late anyway.” I was at a loss for words. Was Finch jealous? He got up off the couch and grabbed his keys off the counter.
“What are you doing?”
“Driving you home.” His voice lacked feeling and the warm, comforting boy I knew didn’t seem to be present.
“No. Finch I would never replace you. And to be honest I haven’t truly felt at home until I saw you. You are my home.” Tears fought their way out of my eyes and down my cheeks.
“Really?” His voice was soft now. I nodded and walked closer to him.
“I thought that going away would make me stop questioning our relationship. Make me realize that it’s just platonic. Instead it made me face the fact that I’m in love with you Finch and I’m sick of denying it.”
His hands are pulling me close to him and his lips are on mine within seconds. Finch had been my best friend since forever and I thought I knew all there was to know about him. Turns out nothing I knew could prepare me for the way his mouth moved against mine. It was my new favorite feeling. His hands moved from my arms to my waist bringing our bodies impossibly close. My hands tugged at his hair and he groaned into my mouth. It was my new favorite sound. After a minute or so (it could’ve been 10 minutes, as my brain temporarily went out of business) we detached ourselves from each other. Finch picked me up and brought me over to the couch, reconnecting our lips on the way. I plopped down on top of him, chest to chest. He was my new favorite person.
“Hi.” I whispered.
“Hey.” Finch laughed a little and squeezed my hand.
“So does this mean you love me too?”
“Of course it does dipstick, I told you that like three months ago.”